What Marriage Is and Isn’t To Us

Marriage Tom and Debi Walter Good examples CanvaIn the nearly 40 years that Tom and I have been married, we’ve learned about what marriage is and what it isn’t. If it were possible, we would love to have you over to our home. We’d put on a pot of coffee or hot tea and sit in our kitchen talking about what we’ve learned all these years. We would love to help you see the big picture of marriage. This would be great in light of what you’re facing today. We would love to encourage you on all the reasons it’s worth the effort.

But this isn’t possible. So, we’ve decided to do the next best thing. We encourage you to fix your own beverage of choice. Then find a comfortable seat and listen in as we share with you what we’ve learned. This is in the hopes of helping you stay the course for a lifetime.

And now for our list…

What Marriage Isn’t:

• It isn’t a place for selfishness to grow.
• It isn’t two separate people co-habiting.
• Marriage isn’t something to take lightly.
• It isn’t easily disposed of.
• It isn’t permission to treat another in an unbiblical way.
• Marriage isn’t the place where you can share your thoughts without regard for how it will affect your spouse.
• It isn’t a relationship to be shared with another.
• It isn’t an inconvenience when the road becomes difficult.
• Marriage especially is not for quitters.
• It isn’t about your happiness only.
• It isn’t for the immature.
• And it isn’t for self-gratification.
• It isn’t for trying it out to see if it works.
• It isn’t for the children alone.
• Marriage isn’t a bond that should ever be severed, unless in the case of unfaithfulness or abuse.

What Marriage Is:

• It’s a covenant between one man and one woman to live together. This is for the purpose of procreation and to honor and glorify God.
• Marriage is a mirror of Christ’s love for the church.
• It’s knowing you have a partner to help you navigate every road life sends your way.
• It’s being committed to one person more than anyone else you know.
• The marriage relationship is having one person to show your affection and love.
• It’s being known fully and knowing another completely without shame.
• It’s learning to be transparent in all areas–no secrets.
• Marriage involves having someone who will pray for you as if their life depended on it.
• It’s covenant–a promise made to God before witnesses that you are in this for the long haul.
• It’s a privilege to be named among those who have gone before you. You make your mark as to what marriage looks like to all those coming after you.
• It’s a responsibility to be faithful to every word you said on your wedding day.
• It’s a duty, but one that brings the most delight.


• Marriage is friendship in the truest sense of the word. Having a friend who loves you for who you are, not what you do.
• It’s being sexually active with one person for as long as you both shall live.
• It’s enjoying being naked and not ashamed.
• Marriage is believing the best about your spouse, even when they’ve let you down.
• It’s helping your spouse believe the best about themselves when they’ve forgotten.
• It’s making plans for the future and allowing each other to dream big dreams.
• Marriage is having a family together and raising them in the knowledge and fear of God.
• It’s making the most of the time we’ve been given in life in ways that count for eternity.
• It’s where the miracle happens–two people become one.

This blog is written by Debi Walter, who is a wonderful friend of ours, and a wonderful friend of this ministry. She and her husband Tom have a great web site at Theromanticvineyard.com that we hope you will visit often.

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