Romantically Dating Your Spouse – MM #16

Are you romantically dating your spouse? Are you pro-active in growing your marriage in this way? As one husband told his wife:

“Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, and let us spend the night in the villages… There I will give you my love.“ (Song of Songs 7:11-12)

That’s a pretty romantic statement, but maybe it’s more than just romantic… maybe it’s also a practical method of KEEPING their love alive. In our married lives, there are so many things to draw us apart from one another that sometimes we have to MAKE a concerted effort to remember to play together.

As we PLAY together and PRAY together, we’ll find these actions will help us to STAY together.

Attitude on Romantically Dating

“It might surprise you to know that many of the problems married couples face would end if they would reinstate a ‘dating attitude’ into their relationships. Likewise, engaged couples and newlyweds should continue these principles in marriages. And they should make constant efforts to maintain them. It takes work and planning, but the rewards are well worth it.

Don’t mess with success. If your spouse thought you would stop doing the things that won them over in the beginning, do you think he or she would have agreed to marry you?” (Lee Wilson)

That’s a good question isn’t it? It’s also a good point to keep in mind. In our search to provide pro-active tools to help us improve our marriages, we came across other good points to consider. Please read the material below and then do something about it.

Don’t forget to laugh and date each other again as you did when you first fell in love. It can help to feed a flame that’s ready to burn out because of lack of attention.

With that in mind, please read what Carwin Dover has to say on the subject:

TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE YOUR SPOUSE FREQUENTLY!

The hecticness of work, community service projects, church activities, and family often relegates a marriage relationship to the bottom of the list. At times, it’s necessary to give attention to others. It’s also important to keep something else in mind. Your spouse is the one most likely to be with you when you’re teetering around with a cane! With that in mind, take time to date your spouse regularly. Here are a few reasons why?

1. Marriage relationships are dynamic. They’re alive and always changing. they need to be fed and stimulated to stay alive.

2. There’s always something new about your spouse. Dating is a good way to create a safe environment. Your spouse is more likely to let you know “what’s new!”

3. Invest in the future. Just like a savings account —it’s easier to add a little to an existing account and watch it grow than to start a new one from scratch. That’s because the interest grows exponentially over time.

4. You got married because you dated! It only stands to reason that a good way to stay married is to keep dating.

5. Marriage can be compared to a set of tires. During the course of driving, there’s normal wear and tear. In marriage, dating serves to maintain alignment, balance and pressure. When done well, your marriage will last a lifetime.

Additionally:

6. Dating is an opportunity to focus. Day in and day out, various distractions, pull your attention away from your spouse. Dating each other helps you to refocus on the person at the top of your priority list.

7. Remember the good times! A good date will often bring up pre-marriage memories. Recalling memories can generate anticipation for your next meeting.

8. Create your future. Dating lays the framework for future family gatherings. Great dates attract your spouse and family to want to spend time with you.

9. Laughter’s the best medicine. Laughing together makes it possible to hurt together when you must.

10. Remind your spouse, “I love you!” There are many ways to say, “I love you!” A date is one of the special ways to do that and to honor your spouse.

(The above “Top Ten List” is an excerpt from Intentional Partnerships Newsletter, “Lutheran Coffee Break!” Year 2, Edition 10, January 2, 2000. It is written by Carwin Dover, a Relationship Coach.)

Here’s something else to consider:

“Married life obviously brings stresses that dating life does not. You might even say that dating life is more like a dream and married life is the real world. It’s true we can’t keep everything that we liked about dating in a marriage. But we can keep many of the things that led us to marriage in the first place.

…Therefore, as much as is realistic, you should do the things you did in the early days of your relationship. After all, that’s what won the heart of your spouse. And that’s what will probably continue to win their heart.

“If things aren’t going well in your marriage, try going back to the beginning. You might be surprised how much your relationship improves.” (Lee Wilson, from the article, Marriage: It’s Not Dating Anymore)

If you need ideas, go into the Romantic Ideas topic of this web site. Then look to see what you can find that will work for you. We pray you will find many romantic dating ideas you can use to make your marriage the best it can be!

Steve and Cindy Wright

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