“If you love your wife, but she does not feel loved, or does not feel as loved as you know you love her, then her perception is the reality you must change. Do not get mad at her, figure out what you can do to show her the love you feel in a way she will perceive.” (Paul Byerly, from The-generous-husband.com blog, “Reality and Perception: Feeling Loved”)
So, do you want to learn thirty ways to show love to your wife, which will make her feel loved? We can tell you that contrary to what many men may think and say, it usually isn’t “Have intercourse, have sexual relations, have intercourse…” thirty different ways” …that is, unless you’ve been neglecting her in that way and she has been telling you that she needs this type of intimacy from you.
Having intercourse with her could be thirty ways for a wife to love her husband but usually women see intercourse as only ONE of the ways to make love to her —which you may have already figured out by now.
Your wife is usually more responsive to making love by having intercourse after and because she feels cared for and receives affection from her husband.
As authors Bill and Pam Farrel say (which we agree):
“Your wife’s view of sex is much different than yours. Her sexual fulfillment is connected to everything else in her life. When she feels close to you emotionally, she is more responsive. When she is in touch with her children and is proud of how you father them, she is more attracted to you. When her career is moving forward and you are supportive of her pursuits, she finds you irresistible. The more you are a part of her life, the stronger is her desire for you.”
If you need a little more explanation about this concept of WHY it’s so important that you touch her heart (before we point you to specific ways to do this), below is an article to read that may be able to help you:
So, now that you’ve read a little more background information behind the important mission of showing your wife that you love her in non-sexual ways, below is a web site link, which gives you the opportunity to read 30 specific ways to show your wife that you cherish her. They are probably much different than you would think love should be demonstrated.
But first, here’s something that Dennis Rainey (from the ministry of Family Life Today) says about one aspect of how wives need to be shown love:
“Our wives need to be cherished. They need to be cared for, and they need to be reminded of that. Covenantal love is not silent. Some guys think because they said it 20 years ago, that it’s still in effect until they revoke it. That doesn’t do a lot for a woman. A woman needs to be reminded through verbal words, through written words, tender words, tender touch, maybe even carrying the garbage out – some household duties that would communicate to her that you love her.
“The other night on the deck [my wife] Barbara was working on sanding some chairs. This is the way she relaxes. I’m sorry, sanding chairs, painting chairs, would not be one of the ways I would relax. I’d head to the woods or go fishing but not do that kind of thing. But I went out on the deck with her, and helped her with those chairs, and I took a couple of screws out of a chair that needed some repairing. She told me later, ‘You know, just you spending that time with me made a statement to me that you love me, and you care for me, and you want to be a part of what I’m doing.’” (From the Familylife.com radio broadcast, “The Christian Husband: Loving Your Wife, part 1)
With that said, here is a helpful article, from the ministry of Familylife.com to read:
“Make loving your wife a part of your everyday schedule just like brushing your teeth. You can’t just brush your teeth once and expect to have fresh breath the rest of your life. The same is true with loving your wife.” (Lysa Terkeurst, from the book, “Capture Her Heart”)
This article is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.