Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
My heart broke down when I read this. I had tears in my eyes because my wife is just the opposite, but I’m a believer.
I think this list is great, and I need to review the list for wives. I have been so consumed with what to do for my husband, which I believe is important, and I need a little uplifting since I am emotionally drained these days.
Actually, my husband has a couple of more, they are, leave him alone, don’t talk to him, and lastly be quiet. We’ve been married 47 years and have only had sex once and we never slept together or had dinner together. His idea of sex is to not have it all. He has always thought sex was pointless, disgusting, messy, smelly a total waste of time. Also believes sex is for making kids and he wasn’t interested in kids. He considers them as like puppies and he hates kids and puppies.
When married I thought all men thrived on sex but not the one I got. I believe he has some mental problems that he refuses to get addressed. He has always lived in the basement and works nights constantly. All overtime, weekends, holidays no vacations. He seems to not like the world, he has no Tv, radio, computer, phone, just a loner that wants nothing to do with the outside surroundings. Years ago we should have parted ways but it never happened. I hate him and I’m sure he hates me, and we’re way past caring any more.
Work on it! GOD is ín control!
All that is said is true. I pray to God that all who read this would put it into practice ad it works. God richly bless you.
HI, I like most of the suggestions, but I m married to a man who sometimes wonders what happened to my wife? Like the suggestions which says leave a note in his brief case. He will ask me if I’m ok? When I dress at home, he asks me why this look now? I prefer your simplicity.
Amazing tips.
Naturally these loving behaviors came from me to my husband. I hung on his every word, bragged about how smart and good he was, told him he was my knight in shinning armor, gave in to his desires about life, stayed thin and sexy, no complaints of sex. I supported him emotionally & financially through college, worked full time as he requested, when the time came… choose a house in the more expensive area like he required… knowing it would be at the expense of being able to stay at home for my babies, was not allowed to have a baby until the expensive house was purchased so as to ensure we got one… on and on.
Then one day I saw with my own two eyes he flirted with other women while out with me. He did weird stuff, like pretend to lick fruit as a gesture to a receptive woman in the store; again, right behind my back. I just happened to turn. I heard him tell our neighbor he can do whatever he wants because my wife is so close to God, she’ll never do anything. I asked my husband quietly why he doesn’t want me to come with him anymore to the school in the morning to drop off our child. He loudly replied it was because he just goes a little early to spend time playing with the boys. My son heard this reply and began to cry. He cried out “you don’t play with us anymore, you go to see Miss ______.”
After many years of prayer and much more pain… I decided to handle it my own way after I felt something happen to my heart. I told him I would become just like he was. I told him I would flirt with other men and show interest in them. I told him lucky for me I’m still hot looking, and that men would respond to me even better than women do to him. I told him he shouldn’t have taken me for granted and ignore my pleading. I told him he gets a taste of his own medicine. I started dressing very sexy and had men falling all over me. I would come home from work and tell my husband about my adventures as an unfaithful woman. He didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t care anymore.
Anyway… long story longer, my husband started praying for me (which was a shocker). It touched me after some time. At first I thought “what a joke, from the man who seemed to hate my love for God.” But I believe God heard his prayer and worked on me. I realized I wanted to get my relationship with God back. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t hearing God’s voice and sensing his presense. I didn’t want to be just like my husband anymore.
My husband is trying really hard to be loving to me now. I’m trying really hard to like it. I won’t let him control me like he used to. He tries not to try and control me. It’s still somewhat of a mess. But a work in process.
My point is… the list is great, but it doesn’t always change hearts if you do them. At least in my experience.
I was always trained at church to do the 100 things. My mom was a great wife, but warned me that too much of the 100 things makes men think you’re insecure, a pushover, a doormat, and they have you all sewed up and get bored. She always had a great meal on the table, a pretty, very clean home, clean respectful kids, and joined him in things he liked to do on weekends and vacations. She always continued to keep up her appearance and even had a career of her own in management.
They respected each other but this is very important: THE MAN wants to still do the chasing even 30 years into the marriage. It’s their nature. They love it. Don’t take that away from them. Let them do the little extra things for you that make them feel like a man. They will feel ten feet tall. If the woman starts doing all these things to try to keep her man, they’ll lose interest, lose respect, and start looking in other directions out of the glance to the side when a new pretty to be chased walks by.
I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m experienced with the truth. My mom and grandma used the above method and kept their man “in love” with them for life. I used the 100 ways to do all kinds of nice things for my two ex husbands and a few boyfriends. First they started getting bored, then they lost respect wondering what was wrong with me to have to put so much effort and became no chase or effort for them. I could see them eye balling new ladies, then they suddenly had to work late a lot, then I caught them out with the very ladies I saw them catching glimpses of right in front of me.
The only great relationship I had contained these ingredients: mutual attraction, the man taking the lead in the pursuit (I never called him once, he always called me, mutual respect, acting respectfully towards each other’s feelings and personhood, loyalty: complete loyalty, sincere but kind honesty, commitment to each other: more serious commitment when the relationship got deeper, be ladies and gentleman in public, but passionate and giving when sex becomes a part of the picture. The lady should give thoughtful gifts for birthdays and special occasions, but let the man give the flowers, cards, rings, jewelry, and other love tokens: it’s part of his hormonal desire to still be a part of the chase.
When you’re married already, I suppose sometimes it’s ok to subtlety initiate the chase by wearing a sexy nighty to bed, but this can put pressure on a tired husband, so a really short sexy t-shirt might get better results. A sexy dance to some music when he thinks you don’t know he’s looking does wonders too! Be kind, but not to the point of boredom in marriage. Don’t take the husbands fun of chasing you away from him: ever! And he will be yours forever!!! 70 years of bliss to all of you!!
So very very true. I’m floored. You know the truth.
Lost in my life, but great to learn.
Let God’s love lead in all situations in all marriages. Maybe marriage was meant to really make us even more holy.
Thanks for your support. I would like to try for my husband. I believe, I can do it. Thanks.
Most of the tips are helpful but the friend one is the reason why my marriage was tested and almost failed. A daughter of his friend (she 17 years younger) was doing 100 plus things while I was either working or raising five kids. I was exhausted to show him at least 3 from the list.
When I found out they were too friendly I told him to leave. He said there was nothing to worry about. I asked him if he could spend more time at home instead of hanging out with his friend and his daughter. He agreed not to go to that house anymore and since then we’ve been trying to work things out. I stopped working one of my two jobs, which impacted our economy but now he has to work more. He has always provided but the more I work the less he would do when he could do more.
I’ll say do what you can plus, but don’t lose yourself. If he loves you he will appreciate it. Today I’m confused, bitter, and resentful. I feel I’m ruining everything for not being able to do enough. I will continue to do my best. I love my husband but I keep asking him questions about all the time he spent hanging out with his friend and his daughter. Any advice will be appreciated.
I’ve been in class. It’s so interesting, hope to improve my relationship positively.
I have found that marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world to cultivate. Mainly because it requires so much attention, but is easy to let slide with real world demands. I know exactly how you feel in that way. I am the breadwinner and we have 5 kids too. I do not work 2 jobs, but I do work a lot of overtime. That makes our marriage suffer too. There is no such thing as an easy answer; mainly because all the easy things from the list, still take some energy to do. When you’re exhausted, it’s tough. I say start small and you decide what small steps will work for you and would really make the world of difference for your hubby.
For instance, I started really telling the kids openly that “Dad is an amazing man; treat him with respect. That is the man I love”. After the kids go to bed, put your arms around him and say “how’s going good-lookin!?” Or stop by the convenience store and grab him a quick treat, snack, something and bring it home to him. For no reason; just because.
A good, down-to-earth spouse will really appreciate it and they will respond with gratitude and love. You’ll notice their happiness improve too and so will yours. Let’s be honest, there’s something empowering about knowing you have made your long-time lover happier than anyone else can. They’ll remember the connection that first attracted you to each other. Good Luck :-)
I’ve loved my husband for 20yrs. And thru our problems I do want to do right by God. Tips are a reminder.
Thank you for writing this. This list had given me so much hope.
Thank you Jennifer. We pray it gives you hope and a start for some great changes in your relationship as you apply what God teaches you beyond any words that any human being could make. :)
I like the list, but after reading some of the comments I should say that, of course, not everything works for everyone, we’ve got to ‘tailor’ things according to our husbands’ characteristics. Someone mentioned the chasing thing about men; that may be true to a lot of men, but not all of them, necessarily, everything on the list depends – on the person, the circumstances, on how comfortable you feel about them. I myself will probably start doing a thing or two right away – and see how it works.
I really enjoy the piece.
GODWIN FROM ITALY…24 03 2016. I Thank you for this word. I read much and see it is not only for women, but men too. I am a man and I read from it. Thank you so much.