Does your husband feel you love him? And does he feel romanced by you? Are you sure? Both are important to you and to him. Have you asked your husband about this lately? We’re asking you these questions because we’ve found the following to be true. And it may be true for your husband, as well:
“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife may make many romantic gestures, which go unnoticed by her husband. That is because it wasn’t romantic to him. He didn’t feel the love in the same way it was given.
What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The wife is simply not romancing her husband in a way that is romantic to him!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to him or her? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard)
Show Your Husband Love His Way, Rather Than What Makes Sense to You
So, we have a challenge for you! You may feel you do a good job of showing your husband that he is loved. But is it TRULY the way that he best feels loved? That’s what this challenge is all about. It will reveal what MOST speaks love to your husband.
So, to begin, we encourage and challenge you to look over the list below. And then make up a copy to share it with your husband. (Make sure you do this when you are alone together. Plus, make sure you do this at a time when he is not preoccupied with something else.)
And then discuss this list with your husband. Have him check the most meaningful suggestions listed below. He can then point out the ones that are most importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions.
But keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS. Don’t feel pressured that you have to use all of them. But look at them as ways to bless and romance your husband.
(ALSO… there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic, which gives husbands 100 ideas. It is titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way. So don’t feel slighted. Just share it with him.)
SUGGESTIONS on How to Show Love to Your Husband:
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know in big and small ways that he’s important to you.
3. Plus, purposefully try to listen to his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends, giving him some time with them (if they’re trust-worthy.)
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Make sure you tell him you love him AND that you like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. It’s important to protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
Other Suggestions:
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion. And then give him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of continually focusing on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Ease into the negatives when he first gets home.
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Look for things you can compliment about your husband. Show your appreciation often.
More Ways to Show Love:
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals to achieve together as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
Other Ideas:
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings.
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is.
36. Talk in loving, not in nagging or belittling ways.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
Remember, all of these “ways to love” are only suggestions:
41. Take special notice of what he does for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people in front of him and when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ in private when necessary).
46. “Look into your husband’s eyes when he talks to you. This makes him feel that you’re interested.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, and pray with him to start your day together.
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
Plus, here are More Suggestions of Ways to Show Love:
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time and space to recover.
52. You can bless him by helping him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of your own habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he has done around the house. We all want to feel appreciated.
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do these things as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him. This may include letting him sleep in, bringing him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
Want more suggestions? Read on…
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs (as long as they do not violate God’s ways).
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
More Suggestions to Consider:
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
Here are the Last 20 SUGGESTIONS… Keep Gleaning:
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
Other Suggestions:
91. Look your best—dress to honor and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in it’s related to business or other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem. They could be for a back scratch or a shoulder rub, etc.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
In addition, below are links to other web site articles centering on this subject. We encourage you to glean through them, and apply what you believe will work for both of you:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
Filed under: Romantic Ideas
Wow! I am speechless. I will read this often. Please email me more.
Thank you, I have had a hard time showing my appreciation to my husband. I am really thankful for him and appreciate everything he has done for me and our four children. He took on a big role (one he didn’t have to) of being a father to three kids that weren’t biologically his. We have a twelve year age difference but the Lord blessed us with not only those three, but one of his own, so I am very thankful for him and very thankful for these suggestions on how to show my appreciation. He has stuck in there through hard times (being homeless). He could have left at any point but he has hung in there. Even though we are still struggling and trying to get a place, he is truly heaven sent. Thank you so much.
Brittany, you are so very welcome. It looks like you have a good man there. I pray the Lord blesses him and shows you how to bless him even more by showing your love and appreciation to him. Lavish him with love and you will be amazed at how much he will rise to be an even better man. May God help you in getting a place to live and coming to a place where you don’t have to struggle to the same degree. We DO learn through our struggles, but sometimes, the heaviness of it all sure can get to us. I hope things go better for you and your family.
These are all great suggestions but I have done them all. I have prayed to God to help me but I have not received his grace. My husband was a drinker, he no longer is; he was verbally abusive for years and I hung in there; I had heart surgery and became depressed and was on meds that affect your sex drive. I worked for years trying to get off or get them changed and finally did, now my spouse does not want to be intimate. While he was drinking I feel he had an affair but stopped it; he now knows I know about it. He hasnt been sexually attracted to me since then; its been 6 years. We have had talks and he says he loves me but he no longer wants sex. My heart has been breaking for 6 years. I lost him 6 years ago to someone else. I dont think I can hang in there much longer. What am I to do?
Consider couple therapy or your visit at psychologist. It always helps to start moving forward and start resolving ones problems
Try couples therapy through the church of just church. Ask him to pray aloud with you. Try listening to the daily bread each morning together. You don’t even have to say a word and it’s like a mini Bible study. Takes a few minutes. Good Luck! I will pray for you.
This is helpful and thanks for th guide
I really love this and am going to follow these steps to make my marriage beutiful and enjoyable.
All of this sounds very true and wise, thank you for helping me learn. And how strange, I might have been born in a woman’s body by mistake, because I have the exact same desires from my husband. What’s wrong with me?
Nothing’s wrong with you. I find that I relate to stuff that is supposed to apply to males more than things that are supposed to apply to females. God created us all different and we express love differently. It’s really frustrating though when you’d rather go to the men’s fellowship than the women’s because you know they won’t make you eat gross food or their activities are more interesting. Humans don’t fit into little boxes; we ain’t cookie cutters.
This saves my life right now. Thank You!!!
Wow! A real eye opener. I was looking for ways to change my husband and instead found areas that I needed to improve in order to love him better. Thank you for this list.
This article is very helpful. The first time I read it very giving meaning and initiatives for someone, maybe for some people that life must choose wrong, but this is not, as I think. This is very different, very impressive.
Thank you for sharing these suggestions. I have a hard time expressing my true feelings towards my husband. I think to say and do these things, but can’t express myself.
Thankful for message.
This is wonderful, I just need a way to tell him.
Hi, Maria. The beauty of this list is that you don’t “need a way to tell him” since so many of the suggestions don’t require saying a word to him. You just start doing them. For instance, here are a few from the list to illustrate what we mean:
– Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your
husband.
– Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s.
– Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
– When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems. Have FUN!
Now, there is another way for you to find out from him what would be most meaningful to him. You simply print the list from the web site and then some time when he’s in a good mood you take the list to him and tell him you found it on the Internet and you were curious if there was anything on the list that he would like you to “do” for him. Ask him to circle three items that he would like you to do for him over the next week.
I hope that helps you get started in loving your husband “his way.” Oh, and if he asks you can tell him there’s a list for husbands who want to know how to love their wives THEIR way.
This is really helpful for couples.
Wow! Amazing tips. Thank you so much. GOD bless you!!
This is a great article, however, this seems to be one sided. A lot of these recommendations can go both ways. A woman can’t possibly do most of these things because when she gets home from work, that is after picking up the children from day care. She then goes straight into the kitchen to put dinner on the stove. Then speaks to one of the children for being naughty at school, while another is crying for something to eat. You then realize that parent-teacher conference is that same night. Oh no! No baby sitter. Then there is serving dinner and never mind the dirty dishes. She gives the children a bath and decides skip the meeting and feeling guilty takes a break and then you hear hubby saying “how about making love tonight? “ My point is, if hubby would take some of the responsibilities from his partner instead of getting the newspaper and relaxing in his favorite chair, then the not so tired wife would probably be ready for some sex. Hum…,
You’re right Nana… it IS one-sided. That’s why there’s another article for loving your wife HER way. You can find it at: https://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/. Additionally, you’ll find links to other related articles on this web site at: https://marriagemissions.com/category/romantic-ideas/.
Also, you’re right that: “a woman can’t possibly do most of these things” because of the amount of other things she needs to do after work, etc. That’s why these are given as “suggestions” (which it says at the beginning) and not laws or permanent rules. And as for what your hubby does to take up some of the responsibilities, you are absolutely right. Marriage is all about partnership. I hope that somehow you are able to make your husband see that you need him to partner with you in the ways that are needed so you are mutually partnering together. Yes; he should have some time to decompress after work. He needs that, and let him know that you recognize that. But you need time to decompress too. That’s where the tag-team approach works in so many marriages. You give him time and he gives you time. This applies to parenting and other areas of marriage where attention and mutual help is needed.