An elderly couple who had been married forever were sitting on their front porch, rocking. Reflecting on their years together, the wife turned to her husband and tenderly said, “I’m proud of you.” The husband, who was a bit hard of hearing, looked at his wife and abruptly replied, “Well, I’m tired of you, too!”
Whether they’ve been married a few years or many, sometimes couples grow weary in their marriage.
Some call it “falling out of love” and see it as a legitimate way out. Others simply refer to it as burnout.
Tired? Pause and Reflect.
If you can relate, don’t panic. Many couples go through a time when things just don’t click with their mates. It is, however, a time to pause and rethink your relationship.
Spend some time alone with your Bible and a journal. Read familiar passages on love and marriage. (Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 13 are great places to start.) Reflect on the positive aspects of your marriage, recalling special moments you’ve shared with your mate, and write down one-word descriptions of your marriage. Above all, seek the Lord’s perspective. Ask Him to help you see your marriage as He does.
Talk It Over .
In a low-key, non-threatening way, discuss with your mate how you feel. Don’t accuse. Putting him or her on the defensive would be counterproductive. Simply share what you’re feeling. Your journal entries might come in handy at this point.
If the timing is right, ask your mate for a response. He or she might not be surprised by your feelings and may want to share personal perspective on the marriage, too.
This conversation allows you to get a critical issue on the table for discussion. It’s not the beginning of the end. Rather, it’s a starting point of a new chapter of your marriage. Give your mate time to ponder and process the situation before meeting again.
Pray for Wisdom.
In the meantime, continue to seek the Lord. These are potentially life-changing and marriage-changing issues. The Lord’s wisdom is vital.
Don’t pray that God would show your spouse how much he or she needs to change and how right you are. Instead, pray about yourself: Lord, you know my feelings about our marriage are not the same as they have been. I’m tired, and I’m asking you to show me what I can do to make this marriage better. What is my part on the way back to a passionate marriage? Keep your journal handy because God will answer such a humble prayer!
Go back to School .
It’s time to become a student again —this time of your spouse. One of the best ways to learn about your mate is to ask and answer questions.
Begin with these ideas:
- What’s your idea of the best marriage date?
- For the wife: Give five examples of what you mean by romance.
- For the husband: Give five examples of what you mean by respect.
- Visit 5lovelanguages.com and click on “30-Second Assessment.” Take the Love Languages quiz (or read the book together). Share with each other how you prefer to have love expressed to you.
- Fill in the blank: The three words that describe how I would like our marriage to be are ________, _________, and ________.
Make sure you:
Work separately, then meet together to share your responses. Ask follow-up questions. Then concentrate on what you can do to serve your mate. Ask God to show you how to be a better mate. Re-learning and re-serving can go a long way toward changing your attitude and adding energy to your relationship.
Possible Need
You and your mate may need to seek a Christian counselor to provide additional assistance. If needed, don’t hesitate. It could literally save your marriage.
Getting tired in your marriage is not an insurmountable trial. On the contrary, James 1:2-4 says it this way: “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.”
Marriage is a lifetime deal that requires work. Press on through the trial of burnout and being tired, and let God take your marriage to a new level of completeness.
This article is shared with us courtesy of HomeLife Magazine and was originally posted on the Internet on the resource web site of Lifeway.com. It is written by Rodney and Selma Wilson, who are the authors of “Extraordinary Marriage: God’s Plan for Your Journey” (LifeWay).