My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years. This, of course, is to each other. Ours is a marriage that has been put back together after the divorce.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous. We never argue, never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other. We are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
First Marriage
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I rejected God and was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Eventually I became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me. She told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. Despite all the ways I hurt my wife, she did not divorce me. I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
It was my six year old daughter who was the one who helped to bring us back together. She had never been into a church, nor did she know much about spiritual things. But one day she found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
Lastly, I want to say that if you are having marriage problems and want to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. To sum it all up, success in marriage depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything to keep our marriage together. I thank God for her.
This is a true testimony given to us from a subscriber from South Africa.
(AUSTRALIA) I have been standing for my marriage and believing that God can heal my marriage for eleven and a half years. My husband is with someone else but that doesn’t stop me believing for God to restore our marriage. I divorced him because I gave up hope three years ago but I wish I hadn’t. I have repented and have made the decision to stand again and believe what Gods’ Word says. Watch this space for a healed marriage report soon.
(CANADA) I know of a couple that had been divorced for 15-20 years, that got back together, and they were just the sweetest pair! For some it takes a long time!
The fact that you have that faith is a good sign.. it is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen… with substance and evidence, all you need is time, and to keep keep keep on praying… pray in as much detail as you can, the Lord wants to know EXACTLY what you want, and pray with fervency!!!
(USA) How can I get a copy of the testimony of the couple that had been divorced for 15 years and then got back together? I have been divorced for 11 years.
(USA) Gayle, I think you’re talking about Clint and Penny Bragg. If you put their names into our “Search” feature, you will find several references come up that will take you to their testimony as well as articles you can make copies of, and a link to their web site. I hope this helps.
(USA) Hi there! This is not the same person in the previous comment but me and my husband were married for 6 years and had three children. We divorced and lived 18 years of going thru hell on earth. Both of us!!! After all those years we are back together.
Keep praying! Don’t ever let go of God! What God has put together no man can separate, even though it may look like it. He loves to do what others think is impossible. My husband and I both had remarried but we were never happy. I actually lived in an abusive relationship those years apart. But now the husband of my youth is back!! Praise God!
My prayer for you is that God starts placing a desire in your spouses heart for you! Read Malachi 2 and hold on to Gods promises!!! There is so much to tell about our experience that it’s just too much to write. I just want you to know that if you ask according to God’s will he hears you! If this is your covenent spouse, the spouse of your youth then keep praying!!! God Bless
(USA) Dina, Do not give up on you and your husband getting remarried. Go to Loren Matthews ministry website and read his biography. There are also ways listed to restore your marriage. Make sure you read the “hedge of thorns prayer” and starting praying this prayer everyday and ask God to return him to you.
(USA) You can listen to the incredible “marriage restoration” story of Lorne and Jimmy Ruth Matthews at “Revive Our Hearts Radio”–May 12th, 13th, 14th and May 17th, 2010
Here is the link: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10557
Marriage is for Life: http://www.cadz.net/links.html
(USA) My husband has asked me for divorce and I am so in love with him and would sacrifice everything to keep our marriage and work on things to make it better. He told me at first there was someone else. Now tells me there is no one else. He tells me he wants divorce for so many different reasons. He can never stick to one. He changes day to day.
He says we can have second chance but I am so scared of losing him forever that I panic and we end up fighting and arguing. I know it is making things worse but I am so confused. I want desperately to save the marriage and not end in divorce. But I don’t know what to do. I know I will never stop loving him, ever. And I will wait for as long as it takes for God to bring us back together. I pray god will work his miracle before divorce occurs because it is killing me. I am hurting so bad and I have no one, no family, no friends… I pray that all of you here end in happiness.
(USA) Angie, you are in a spiritual battle right now and so is your husband. He is walking in double mindedness (James 1:8) while satan is lying to him about you, your marriage, and any affairs or outside relationships. Satan has disguised something to make it look tempting to your husband as to deceive him. Satan wants you to believe that your husband does not love you or want you anymore so that you will be hurt, afraid, angry, weakened, and destraught where you cannot control your emotions.
Fear and anger are emotions from God, but satan tries to use them to sabotage us and control our lives. He knows that if we do not have a strong relationship with Christ where our spirits are rooted and grounded in faith, we will become overcome with fear and anger and say or do something that we will regret and that will destroy us and those around us. In this hour, it is critical that you stay calm, agree with your adversary, do not let him push your buttons, and do not respond with negative emotions.
Because of the state of mind your husband is in, it is not him speaking to you when he talks, but it is satan. Smile when you respond, saying things like “thank you for saying that”; “I know I could have avoided doing that or I understand how you feel, I apologize for my part in that.”
Agree, complement, honor, do not blame and find fault. Put all the blame and fault on yourself, even if you are totally innocent. And there are moments when you must be silent. Saying nothing speaks volumes, just don’t make him think you’re ignoring him. Maintain an humble and quiet spirit. Speak only when you are spoken to. Do not try to defend yourself, let God do that with His power inside of you… speaking softly, displaying His righteousness. Read and pray Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.
(USA) Angie, remember this. If satan can grip you with fear and anger, then he has the power to control your future if you say or do something that will negatively impact your marriage and your life. Do not make any major decisions while you are under this attack. Do not remind your husband of what he did or did not do. Everything you say must be favorable and complementing.
Let your kind and gentle spirit shine. Kill him with kindness. Do not let anything he says to you move or shake you. You are steadfast, unmovable, and abounding in the work of the Lord. Satan wants to ruin your life and your marriage. DO NOT LET HIM!!! This is where far too many marriages are lost. People do not realize who they are fighting. They think it’s their spouse when it is the adversary. He has used the same trick to destroy countless marriages. OPEN UP YOUR SPIRITUAL EYES AND EARS, PEOPLE OF GOD!!!
(UNITED STATES) Hi Angie. I was curious to know if you and your husband worked things out? I am going through the same thing right now and it hurts so bad!
(GOOD OLE USA!) Love Must Be Tough
(James Dobson) and Divorce Busting
(Michelle Weiner Davis)…both are interesting reads. Dobson from a Christian perspective, and Davis from a secular point of view. Basically Davis says to find out what is happening in your relationship that is causing the problems you are facing. Once you understand what the problem is and what is causing it, change something. Change anything directly related to the cause of the problem. Change the situation by your actions, and the other spouse will have to react to you in a different way. Keep trying this until you see results from something you have changed.
Also, both authors say drop the “desperation”, i.e. don’t show that you are desperate to save the marriage. They say it drives the other spouse further away and is counter productive to saving the marriage. I also encourage you to lift up your petition to God in prayer and get support from your local Bible believing church.
(USA) Dina, you are very special to God because you have obeyed the charge He has given you to stand. It is important for you to understand you have been chosen, not just called. The Bible says many are called but few are chosen. When I began to stand, I did not have a clue what I was doing, all I knew was it was right in my spirit.
Most people do not obey God on this matter, because they go by their flesh and move on. That’s what the world will always advise you to do. Do not talk to anybody who does not understand what God has chosen you to do. They will not support you. It is very easy to become weary in well doing while we wait on our wayward spouses to come to their senses.
I waited 6 years after my husband divorced me. God had to make sure I was delivered from my afflictions and renewed with a clean heart and a right spirit. Neither one of us knew how to be a Godly mate because we were not saved. However, I knew divorce was not the answer, but since he only goes by his feelings and the way things look, and is only wise in his own eyes, he thought divorce was the only answer.
God finally brought his prodigal son home from the far country early this year. A good resource is http://www.rejoicemarriageministries.org. I pray for a sudden breakthrough of your marriage restoration.
(USA) Dina, I might add “moving on” is not only what worldly people will advise you to do, but carnal minded Chrisitians will do likewise because although they are saved and have received Christ as their personal savior, they still think like the world. Their minds have not been renewed. They do not really believe God can do what is impossible for man.
They think it is foolish to believe God can restore a broken, dead marriage and change the hearts and minds of His people. They accept the court system’s verdict that it is final. To the contrary, the word of God says He can turn their stoney hearts to a heart of flesh. After all, it was a harden heart that caused all your problems in the first place… yours and your husband’s. Praise God for softening yours again, now you just have to pray for his to be softened and for his mind to be renewed, and the scales to come off his eyes.
(NEW ZEALAND) Virginia, I appreciate what you say about ‘moving on’. A fellow church-member came up to me and said that it is time for me to ‘move on’. He said, “It is what God would do.” Leaving aside the blasphemy for a momemt, we are told that God hates divorce. I could hardly believe my ears.
My wife left me 3years ago and divorced me last year. She had taken our 3 children. I love her very much still; I am desolate.The fault was really mine although it was all unintentional, I became unreasonable (to the point of shouting at her on a few occasions). I had, some years before, been assaulted and developed post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. Sadly, these were not diagnosed until some 9 years after the event, which occurred exactly 5 months after we got married. She became very unwell after the diagnoses.
She has had some male “friends” and I would love to have her back. I have sought earnestly to change, I pray a lot now. Everyone has the view that it is all irreparable. I know the present reality, but I believe that God may have a different plan.
(USA) Although I used the word “wait” a couple of times, I must make it clear that I did not just put my life on hold. I realized my powerful gift of intercessory prayer and stood in the gap for others. I participated in prayer ministries, and became an intercessor at my local church.
I started a prayer ministy for divorced women or those in troubled marriages in my home. I received more and more strength and revelation from God as I prayed for others. I read countless books on prayer, marriage, spiritual warfare, and conquering the flesh. I enrolled in Bible collge. I bought a new home as the one I owned jointly with my husband was sold. Now we live in THAT house.
(USA) Virginia, Although I am responding to a post from 2009, I just couldn’t help but to let you know how you have blessed me with your words to others on this post. After reading what you posted to Dina and Angie my heart was delighted and encouraged to also stand for my marriage to be restored.
My husband and I have already divorced, however I do not feel that God has released me from this marriage. As a matter of fact, He told me early on that this divorce (HE called it a separation) was not to an end but to get my husband away from me to deal with him alone. And I believe Him and I am taking what you have said to Dina and Angie and applying it to my own situation.
I would love to hear what you would have to say regarding meddling mother-in-laws. My mother-in-law is the very reason why we are divorced. She was a busy-body and meddlesome to the point of influencing everything my husband did… every decision he made, every issue he had went through her as if she was God. And God told me that my husband was submitted to her and not to Him. But I will continue to stand for our restoration and reconciliation and again you have encouraged me with your words! God bless you sister!!
(UNITED STATES) My husband divorced me after 30 yrs of marriage. I was a shopaholic. I am a believer just wasn’t walking with the Lord. I went to a celebrate recovery class for a year, but he said it was over. He has been gone almost 2 yrs and we have been divorced for over a year. I am devastated!!!
I have changed but he doesn’t care. He isn’t saved and I have been walking with the Lord ever since! I want him back because I know it would be different! He only text’s me if I text him first.
My church and friends have been praying for his salvation and our marriage to be put back together. I belive God can and will do it in his time! Please pray for my marriage to be healed!
Nina, I am encouraged to hear that you wish to restore your old marriage. However, I have a few comments and verses I am wondering if you have not thought of.
First of all, read 1 Corinthians 7:15-16. God warns us many different times within the Bible not to marry those who are unequally yoked as you. Since you are no longer married that’s what you have mentioned you would be doing if you got remarried.
Second, remember that if you two did eventually get a divorce, then that meant that both of you were not ready to get married. This web site has some great materials to help you realize where you personally may have failed in that area, especially, but not limited to, the “preparing for marriage” section.
Third, If God really wants this marriage to get back together He will make it happen. But it will happen in His time not yours. What you should do in this time of singleness is to spend your time with God. Sit at His feet listen to His still small voice. Bring Him glory. God will bring you a marriage partner when He is ready. In the meantime just bask in His glory. If you think that He is taking too long just remember, the reason your partner has not come is because either you and or your partner is not ready (in God’s eyes) to be married.
Fourth, remember as a Christian we are to have our relationships model Christ and His Church. God does not allow people who do not believe in the blood of Christ in His Church. So if our marriage is to represent the relationship between Christ and His Church, neither can be of the world. Both of them must be of the Spirit.
Fifth, God may end up bringing your past husband to you some day, or your past husband may just be a shadow of what He will bring you. In the end what I am saying is, God has given you a season of singleness. It is up to you what you do with it. But know that whatever you do with it, is what you are giving God in response to His giving you a gift.
(USA) DREWMAN: I cannot beleive that you are even suggesting that the LORD would not restore Nina’s marriage!!! Although her husband (because in the eyes of the Lord he is still HER husband) is not a beleiver there is NO HEART that the Lord cannot touch and change!!
I believe that you intended to encourage Nina but your suggestion that “the Lord may bring her someone else” is WRONG!!! GOD HATES DIVORCE!! and HIS WORD STANDS TRUE: “WHAT THE LORD HAS PUT TOGETHER LET NO MAN SEPARATE”! Her husband WILL BE the man that the Lord intended him to be and he will be the husband that the Lord wants him to be!
NO ONE is ever really ready to be married, especially if we get married before we have come to Christ and are born again; your note she should review the resources on the site “to help (her) realize where (she) personally may have failed in that area…” WHO ARE YOU TO CONDEMN? WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES and if she has repented she surely doesn’t need someone else heaping guilt on her –satan is making sure she feels enough guilt –she doesn’t need you adding to that!!
If you intend to encourage someone who is going through the PAIN AND HEARTACHE of an unwanted divorce or separation and they’re ENDURING the testing and trials that come with standing for marriage restoration –then please be sure that your comments are carefully thought out!!!
Those of us standing for our marriage restoration are going through enough emotional and spiritual attacks. We get up every day ONLY by the STRENGTH given to us from GOD and the faith and hope we have in Him …we need ENCOURAGING words, not condemnation in the guise of “Godly advice”!
(USA) Two truths. The first is the one you asserted, there is no heart the Lord cannot change. True. Second, the Lord does not always intervene. Also true. So both your statement and DREWMAN’s statements can be true without being contradictory or even blasphemous. What he is saying is true. If God wants someone’s marriage restored, it will be restored.
However, God does not want every broken marriage restored. Therefore, not all marriages, no matter how much we pray, believe, beg and plead with God will end up restored. No amount of faith will cause God to do something counter to His purposes, ever!
(USA) This is for Tony. I suggest you read 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Yes, in this passage God does command us to not divorce, but if we do, we’re to remain unmarried unless reconciliation to the former spouse. God by his own commands wants all marriages restored. It is not by God’s will that some marriages are not restored, it is by our disobedience.
I do not say this to condemn anyone. God’s grace is sufficient for sin, ignorance or our living in deception. Please people, we do not need to make excuses for God. God is no respecter of persons, what he does for others he will do for you.
(UNITED STATES) I divorced my husband after 8 yrs. When I became a born again Christian, Jesus told me to draw close to him. Just recently after 4yrs of salvation I started praying for a good Christian man. I still love my ex husband, yet I trust God enough to bring me the man he has for me. I don’t pray for a certain man, I believe Jesus will bring me the right man/husband that’s right for me. I’d rather let Jesus take care of my future. Instead of telling him to give me who I believe that’s who he wants for my husband.
I do know that my ex husband does want to reconcile. But who are we to try and manipulate God? It comes down to this, if you want to live for Jesus Christ then trust Him because He’s going to bring you the right spouse he’s prepared for you. Or you can keep praying for the spouse you want, till you’re blue in the face. I want to be happy. And I believe Jesus wants me to be happy also, because he cares and loves me, and that’s good enough for me.
(USA) To Owen and others that quote 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Keep reading, as you cannot simply pick and choose. The same chapter goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”
Matthew 18 tells us to take the sinning member before the church to seek their restoration before God. So if your wife, like my ex-wife, chooses to have an affair and divorce, we are to take them, if they are a member of the body as my ex-wife was, to the church and ask the church to go through the steps mentioned in Matthew 18 concerning church discipline. If after this, the sinning person, such as an unfaithful spouse continues her affair, she is to be treated as if she is an unbeliever.
If the spouse we are instructed to treat as an unbeliever persists in getting her divorce, I believe these verses apply, which indicates that the believer is no longer bound.
To me that means we are neither married, nor are we required to wait for that spouse. For any such limits as some would like to place on the victims of divorce would indeed by bindings. The scripture is pretty clear, the believer is not bound when the unbeliever, or as I believe, the one ACTING as if she is an unbeliever chooses to divorce the believing spouse.
I don’t think we are to divorce our spouse. But if the spouse who is or plays the part of an unbeliever chooses to leave, then it’s pretty clear from further reading that the believer is no longer bound to that spouse.
(USA) Amen. I like that you have been faithfull in God’s word. That gives me hope and strength. I’ve been standing in faith and hope that God will restore my marriage and reunite me and my husband. There’s nothing too hard for our father, as long as we are obedient and trust in his word. You stay strong. I will pray in agreement with you so that God in heaven will pour down his blood all over you and your ex husband.
(KENYA) Clarissa, Please read 1 Corinthians 7:10-11: To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
God’s word is very clear. There are only 3 options for the married:
1. Stay married to each other. Do not divorce/ separate.
2. If you do separate, remain unmarried…or else.
3. Be reconciled to your husband/wife whom you earlier divorced/separated from.
If your husband is willing to reconcile, and you still love him, what are you waiting for?
(USA) Read the daily devotionals at rejoiceministries.org. They are very encouraging.
(USA) Dina, I read your post… I just wanted to inquire and ask for any and all insight as I am praying also for restoration.
(USA) DINA, I love your faith. I will be watching (and praying). -Joseph
Bless your heart Dina. I am praying WITH you and praying FOR you, that God will speak His Truth into your heart and your spirit to give you wisdom and peace, strength and guidance, as you wait upon the Lord to direct your every step both now and in the future. I am praying that God will show your husband the horrible error of his ways and that he and this woman will turn away from sinning with each other and will fully surrender their lives in repentance — living in the ways of the Lord.
Eleven and a half years seems like an eternity when you are in the waiting room of life. But I pray that the Lord will show you His will for your life daily, and will guide you as to what you should hold on to, and what you should release. I pray that you never let go of the “hope that is within you” for all that the Lord has in store for you as you look to Him for help, hope, and guidance.
I pray the Lord helps and guides you, and comforts and speaks to you, and works in and through you. I pray the Lord will show you how long you are to remain in this waiting room of life and when you are to step forward into living your life in answer to prayer in a renewed way with clarity of direction.
I don’t know what God’s will is for you in this situation with your husband. I would want for your marriage to be restored. I know that this would be God’s ultimate desire also. But human beings don’t always do things in the way that God wants (as you’ve seen in your own life). And God will sometimes allow us to live in ways that are contrary to His perfect will, even that which breaks His heart and ultimately ours as well.
I have to tell you that my first thought is that eleven and a half years seems like a long time to live in limbo like this, and to keep hoping when your husband is moving in a different direction with his life. However, I also know that we serve a God of the impossible so I would never tell you that eleven and a half years is too long to wait, or even twelve, or fifty, for that matter. God’s timetable is different than the worlds. I’ve seen the miracles that God has brought about when even one heart is yielded to His will and is praying and believing. So I will never dampen your hopes.
I trust that if God wants you to move away from this waiting room, He will direct your steps and make it known to you that this is the way He is directing. And if you are to keep waiting and believing until you see God answer prayers in a way that you believe He will, I trust that He will make that clear to you also. Just keep praying and believing that God will show you what He wants for you to do, in his timing — not yours or anyone else’s.
As Oswald Chambers said, “The only way to keep life uncrushed is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the living Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to dampen you.”
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
We are asking God to “fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9b-10)
“May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)
“May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
(USA) I think even in these responses like this one, where the responder says they’ll pray for the stander and who is to question what God has told them to do, there is just that: questioning of what God has told the stander to do. Who can say 11 years, or 20 or 2, sound like a long time when God doesn’t even work according to man’s time tables? I have been standing, waiting, praying, hoping, and being discouraged myself for a little over 6 years now, and I know how it feels to have to face those subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, doubts and questions. It simply makes a difficult journey even more difficult for the stander. I KNOW what God spoke to my heart one day in June of 2004, when my world and home and marriage and family were being ripped into a billion pieces. The only clear thing about that time was God’s voice, telling me what was going on was NOT His will, and asking me if I was willing to fight for the people I love. When I said “yes” I had no idea what was in store for me – it certainly did not get easier, things got worse and worse and worse, pretty much by the day they worsened. It took everything inside of me to remain true to my promise, and it still does.
Why would anyone suggest that someday God will speak to us and tell us to STOP fighting in prayer for our marriage, after telling us that we should? Does God change His mind like that? Does God set us on one path, particularily one as difficult and painful and lonely as standing for a broken marriage, only to turn around a year or five or eleven and tell us to get off that path? That goes against everything the Bible says about God and His word. What God calls, man cannot recall. What God deems, man is not to change. So we accept God’s call to stand for our spouse and marriage, but only until the 11th year is passed? Then what, are we to tell ourselves God has changed our path for us, and we are to stop? Are we to change our calling because too much time has passed? Are we truly this wishy-washy? Because I know God isn’t.
Just recently, about 2 weeks ago, I had a deliverance minister’s wife sit in my living room as I opened up about how painful these 6 years have been for me, and tell me I needed to be healed. Healed of what? Healed of what God has called me to do? Healed of my love for my spouse? Healed of my forgiveness towards him, or of my faith in God’s promise of restoration? She even said God had removed my husband from my childrens’ lives to protect them from a bad influence. My husband was never, has never been, a “bad influence” on our children. He’s a wonderful father. I was crushed by her words, by her dismissal of what God has called me to do, and by her insistence that the past 6 years of my life have been lived in disillusion. It took me 3 days of constant praying to renounce the words she spoke over me and my marriage and even my children. This is why I hesitate to talk to anyone, ever, about my faith in restoration.
God doesn’t work by our schedules. God doesn’t work by what our family or the person next to us thinks or says about our stands. God doesn’t work by what a judge signs his name to.
Promise to pray for the stander, yes, and actually pray for the stander and their estranged spouse and hurting family. But suggest, even subtly, that the stand has gone on “too long”, suggest that God is going to change His mind and yank the stander off the path they’re on and put them on a different one? Please… please do NOT.
(USA) I think what the person meant by healing, is that she feels that you should let go of the past. Not your faith in that GOD is able to do the impossible, but the things that happened. You may have told her some detail so your life and she may have seen that your husband was not living as GOD would have him to live. That WOULD make him a bad influence on your children.
I love my husband dearly, but I do know that some of the things he said and did were not things that a child should see. There was no abuse, but a lot of subtle disrespect and being taken for granted. A child should not see their mother treated that way. I’m at the point where I understand that I missed a lot of warnings (namely the subtle disrespect and being taken for granted) and married him. I don’t doubt in anyway that GOD can restore and rebuild my marriage, but I accept that I wasn’t paying attention.
I do pray that GOD will restore and rebuild my marriage, as HIS word says that we are both opened up to adultery and that is not HIS will. But I also accept if HE chooses to place me with the man of HIS original intent, it is for my best. I have learned to let go and stop trying to create the ending, and let HIM lead no matter how it turns out. I think that is where the minister wants you to be. A place where you trust GOD’s plan whether it is what you want or not. HE knows what’s best, and I continue to live day by day letting HIM surprise me. I know what I hope and pray for, and know that nothing is impossible, but more than anything, I want the life GOD wants me to have.
I will continue to pray for all men and women going through this same journey, that hearts will be healed and freed to accept whatever outcome GOD places in their hearts. Sometimes letting go completely and abiding in grace is better for some. It doesn’t mean we are opposed to standing, it just means we have been given a different heart on the matter. I am so against divorce, but it may be part of my journey. It may be the way I learn to trust GOD more. GOD allows everything for a reason. Sometimes we have to take our eyes off of the what, and learn the why.
Everytime I miss my husband I thank GOD for his salvation and deliverance and follow it with asking for peace in HIS plan. Through it all, HE keeps reminding me to trust HIM. HE knows that in my heart of hearts I never wanted this divorce, and I still wish it had gone differently. But I’m letting go and letting HIM right the wrongs in both of our lives.
(USA) My mother and father (high school sweet hearts) have been divorced for over 40 years. Both remarried, my dad twice and my mom is a widower. They have rekindled their relationship. In saying this, God can truly restore relationships. You must trust, believe and have faith. God doesn’t move when we want Him to, but in His time.
My spouse and I reconciled today. I had to stop focusing on him and place my focus on Him (God). God wants it all. YOU MUST surrender everything to Him. You can not love your spouse or anything more than you love God. I know this is a process and we will still need to continue to work at our marriage after 17 yrs, but I understand that we were ALLOWED satan to attack our marriage. But, we both are saved and striving to live according to God’s WILL and not ours.
Continue to STAND, but take your eyes off your situation and place it on God, He will do and can restore ALL marriages. He will also change us in the process. We have to receognize when he is talking to us and be willing to accept what he is telling to do or NOT do.
(USA) Keep Standing Girl! I like everything Virginia said about her stand too. It is like an alien took over my beloved Tom! If you can, find one prayer partner to pray with and fast. I will pray for you. Rejoice Marriage Ministries has been a great resource and their marriage ministry is a light for us in this world! I will pray for your family.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am a mother of two beautiful girls. My husband left a year ago on the 24 December 2006 when I was 5 months pregnant with my second born. He went to live with my cousin whom he had been seeing for months. I still believe God will restore my marriage, because I know he is a God of second chances. Please join me in praying for the Will of God.
(USA) Dear Cindy, and Dina, As someone who has been "standing" for my marriage for 4 years now, and has just gone through a divorce, even still, I have come to the realization that there really is no timetable when you feel called to do something. While there have been times I’ve wanted to "move on" I know that to do so would be to turn my back on what God wants, which is the restoration of my marriage, and Dina’s.
Perhaps our husbands will never listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit that is telling them to go home, but that does not change what we should be doing. If someone lies to us, that does not give us the right to lie back. If someone betrays us, that does not give us the right to betray them back. And if someone divorces us, and we believe that marriage is a covenant, until death parts us, then that belief does not change because of someone else’s actions.
We don’t have to feel like we are in a "waiting room" or in "limbo." We can learn to live full lives, serving God wholeheartedly, without reservation, and learning to be the Christian woman that perhaps we weren’t during our marriages (I know that I still have much changing to do). We can continue to pray for the restoration of our marriages, and hold onto that hope, even as we get busy with the work of the Lord. I guess I don’t call that living in limbo, I call that faith.
(USA) I totally agree with you Sue. You need to seek God’s will and live in confidence that He will help you to stand strong as you are living in the center of His plan for you.
There are times when we ARE in a “waiting room” time of our life, but as you said, we don’t have to live that way. Life does not stop in that waiting room. There is still ministry that needs to go on, and especially, we have a God to love and worship, and trust by faith.
As long as you have breath, you are to live life in the fullness that God has planned for you. You keep your eyes upon the goal that is set before you, but you don’t neglect all that is around you to be and do in the meantime.
(UNITED STATES) Please pray for the restoration of my marriage and family. My husband left us to run off with a married woman he met at work……they lived together for 10 months and of course, it didn’t work out for them. She left him on our next wedding anniversary! Not only that, she, after divorcing her husband to be with mine, started to date him again and remarried her ex husband one year to the day of the their divorce!!!
My husband continued to speak divorce and nothing, it seemed that I said or did changed his mind. I decided that I would hand the entire situation over the God. The divorce did take place but I am committed to stand for the restoration of this marriage and our family as long as it takes. Slowly, I have seen a progressive change in my husband as he has gone from claiming justice in seeking divorce (adultery is never justified) to now realizing what a terrible mistake he made. He told our 13 yr old son in a conversation just 2 days ago that he is working on becoming a better person and how sorry he is every day that he left. He told our son he wants ‘me’ to see he is becoming a better person……this is heavenly progress I tell you!!!!
I give all the glory to God to hear this!! I pray for my husband everyday and I’ve told him that. I KNOW God wants my family to reconcile and us to be remarried legally….I say legally only because I know that in God’s eyes we are still married anyway.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I were married for 9 years. The first 6 were great, we loved each other very much. We started to have problems, drugs and alcohol were involved. A year ago, he decided he wanted to leave the marriage, he wanted a divorce, started running around with other women while I stayed committed to our marriage. The final divorce date has been set and in two weeks it will be legally final.
I want to keep my married name because I feel like the vows I took with this man are still valid and binding. I don’t want to divorce but I don’t have a choice in the matter. I want my marriage restored. I still love him very much and it breaks my heart that this is happening. But, after reading some of these posts I really feel like keeping my married name is the right thing to do. I will hold on to hope and God that one day, my marriage will be restored again.
I was going to go back to my maiden name but decided not to do it as I felt doing so would somehow make the marriage less real if that makes any sense. I know he doesn’t understand why I am keeping his name but I feel like I didn’t want the divorce in the first place and I believe in the vows until death do us part.
(USA) Gina, what you are saying makes complete sense. I also kept my married name for the same reason knowing that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever more and He does not change. Furthermore, I never disclosed to many people in my life that I was divorced because I always saw my situation from God’s perspective… let no man separate whom He has joined together.
(USA) Hi Gina, I’m sorry to hear of your struggles.
The one thing I would suggest (if you haven’t done this already) is to read I Corinthians 7 – it has all the "rules" for marriage and divorce. It’s pretty clear. I have no idea of your situation in terms of whether or not your husband is a Christian. Obviously you are. The Bible does say if an "unbeliever" leaves, let them leave. But that gets kind of tricky in terms of what is a true believer verses unbeliever. There are a lot of "believers" out there who aren’t really trying to live for God. They are living, "believing" in God but living for themselves before God (i.e., they live for their flesh instead of dying to the flesh and letting God lead their lives).
So…..that’s why I say it’s tricky to define that. It’s really something that only the Holy Spirit can guide you on. Only God knows who His true believers and unbelievers are (at least that’s how I look at it). Much prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit is required on your part in this matter. I do believe there is a time to let go, and it’s biblically based, but I can’t tell you when that would be or if it would ever be, in your case. That’s something that can only come from God to you, not any other person.
I do highly recommend a book I read recently – I post this book recommendation on this website all the time because it seems to fit so many marriage dilemmas lately. It’s call "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson (head of Focus on the Family).
I got it at my library but you can purchase it, too. I’d highly recommend it for someone in your situation right now. I’ll keep you in my prayers. God bless.
(KENYA) Hullo, I’m not yet married but I got your contact through my Dad who has been printing your articles. He’s a bit different as a husband, he is more affectionate with my mum and does little things like buy her shoes when money was tight in the family. He’s even more helpful as a father to us. Thank you for all your hard work in putting these materials together, please keep up.
(USA) Well, I am older-my husband & I married when he was 63 and I was 56 (2nd marriage for me; 3rd for him). It was a whirlwind courtship and were married after only 8 months after meeting. Church wedding –all guests were from my church or the church I worked at. His one daughter came, but I didn’t have the opportunity to talk with her or his son before the wedding.
Anyway, it became very apparent not long after the wedding that he was an alcoholic. Things got worse and worse till he went into detox and then a nursing home. He came to the marriage with no property, we lived in my house and I owned the car, although he did help with car repairs –not household bills. Anyway, I divorced him as soon as I could after he went into detox, hoping to never see him again. But since he had no one, I continued to help him and much to my surprise he was able to move into his own apt. and seemed much better.
I have felt extremely guilty about the divorce –I was single for many years and vowed to never marry again, but when I did I was planning to stay married till death do us part. But I couldn’t handle the alcohol, the screaming and ranting at me at all hours, the cursing of my church and my family. He did stay sober for 5 months and then last month slipped off the wagon. He is sober again now, and I am wondering if I should continue to try to restore the marriage or what.
I don’t sleep well because I worry about him, and I can’t help but worry that I have let God down. Has anyone been in this situation? My grown children really do not like him – he was very rude to them and my grandchildren when he was drinking and I know they think he is not good for or to me. But when he’s himself, he’s quite nice. What should I do? Can God restore this marriage and my relationship with my grown kids and grand kids?
I don’t know what to do. –Pat
(UNITED STATES) You have to take care of your self also. Just be a friend to him. He is not ready for marriage. Keep praying for him. Then help him only after you put on the armor of God, and only if he asks for your help. Live for Jesus, and let Him decide what’s good for your future.
(USA) I am amazed at the strength of the words I have read here today. I found myself in tears this morning, frantically searching the internet for some glimpse of hope that I wasn’t crazy in hoping that even though my husband pushed our divorce through, that there is still hope for us to be married! We were married for almost 6 years and have a beautiful 18 month old. I have been so temperamental and mean-natured to my husband through the last year of our separation because I was so hurt over his emotional affair(s) and his desire to leave.
His mother harbored him in her home and never encouraged him to come back. I have done the begging and pleading and the million unsuccessful ways I thought might encourage or coerce him into coming home. Then I very recently came to a very hard realization- improving myself first. I am trying to embrace my own spirituality and improve myself with the help of God and the Savior.
I love my husband, even through the pain and anger, but I have changes for the better to be made! One never knows what will happen, and sometimes we don’t see God’s hand in our lives when they are turned upside down- or his purpose rather- and it’s so frustrating. But I feel as a 29 year old woman, that I made an eternal commitment and I feel like with God, there is always hope! I believe in marriage, and I believe in the for better or worse, not just the BETTER. But always hoping for the best! :) I commend all of you in your strength and wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences. I have been uplifted by them.
(USA) Married for 10 years with an adopted son. Divorced for 5 years and after 100 false claims of child abuse, finally a decree that the court and CPS admit there is no finding of child abuse. The last 6 months eharmony gave me a girlfriend and we remain chaste. I told her I was standing for my marriage even after divorce. Her question was how could I still love her after what she did to me and my son? I told her it was religious.
The new girlfriend has committed to me and I continue to tell her that I cannot commit until after my son is 18. The truth is that I am using that as an excuse. My vows are a covenant and I can only be ideally released by death or adultery. Pray for me as I find what Sue has described and help me to find a way to communicate my "standing" to this or any other girl.
(USA/CALIFORNIA) I have been divorced for one year and separated for one year prior to that. My wife asked me to leave the house so I did. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I have attended church for 12 years and did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until my wife announced the divorce. I am a stander for my marriage also, with my two lovely daughters that pray for their mom daily.
Please do not look at your situation as if you are in the waiting room. I look at my situation as a time to grow closer and closer everyday to Jesus Christ our Savior. I am sure when the Lord sees it fit and we are both ready, I have no doubt that he will bring us back together. Matthew 19:26, Luke 18:1 are what I stand for daily.
Blessings, Laurence
(USA) I’m still struggling with my divorce after 35 years of marriage. My husband left 2 1/2 yrs. ago and the divorce was final about a year later. He’s now in a relationship with a coworker and they’re together pretty much 24/7. Thing is, he believes he is a Christian and that God has led him every step of the way, from leaving me to ending up with her. For as he tells everyone, he’s so happy, happy, happy, so is she, and how miserable he was with me. And he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks regarding his relationship with her. There are very few who approve.
He’s been so deceitful, which was never something I ever saw in him, plus he’s even drinking more. He hardly ever took a drink, yet he thinks he’s where God wants him to be. I don’t see it that way. I’m standing for our marriage to be restored, for I still feel as he did once, that God brought us together. That will never change. I know I need to forgive them both, but it’s so difficult, for I still feel such pain and hatred in my heart against her. Is it wrong to pray for God to sour that relationship?
(ZIMBABWE) My husband left me 3years ago. He stole our beautiful daughter from me 3 months ago. Please pray with me for the restoration of my family. I believe God will restore this family in Jesus name. Rothrine