My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years. This, of course, is to each other. Ours is a marriage that has been put back together after the divorce.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous. We never argue, never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other. We are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
First Marriage
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I rejected God and was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Eventually I became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me. She told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. Despite all the ways I hurt my wife, she did not divorce me. I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
It was my six year old daughter who was the one who helped to bring us back together. She had never been into a church, nor did she know much about spiritual things. But one day she found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
Lastly, I want to say that if you are having marriage problems and want to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. To sum it all up, success in marriage depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything to keep our marriage together. I thank God for her.
This is a true testimony given to us from a subscriber from South Africa.
(USA) Help! I divorced my husband of 26 years after I could not take the verbal abuse. It was so bad that now my grown children have issues with verbally abusing their spouses. Well, we have been divorced for 21 months… and we have both changed.
I am more assertive and he is less abusive. We have both gone to counseling… individually I asked to reconcile our marriage about 6 months ago and he agreed! I was so happy. But, then he tells me that he is seeing another woman, however. They are intimate. Well, he’s still seeing her even though he and I have had some great times together during the past 6 months.
I know it takes both parties to reconcile. I am just praying that this is God’s will for my life I know He hates divorce, and I was detached from my faith when I filed for divorce. He is still seeing her, but says they are not intimate. We have been to counseling together… however, the person was not a Christian counselor. It makes a BIG difference. He has stopped going… and says that he needs to make a decision.
He feels this other person is innocent and does not deserve to be hurt. He also says that I don’t deserve to be hurt either… since he agreed to try to reconcile. I try to stay positive, prayerful, and hopeful. We spend almost every weekend together, but I know they talk via phone everyday. She lives a few hours away and I live in a different city.
Right now, I am focusing hard on God and what He would have me to do. I still consider him as my husband, and I have offered to just "go away" and let him have the relationship with her. Yet, he tells me to "see it through" or "this too shall pass". He says he wants to be with me, but he does not know how to get out of this other relationship. I guess he is prideful and does not want to lose face with her (an old g/f from college).
I am praying for his strength daily… any suggestions? All three of us are Christians. Again, I was very hurt and detached when I divorced him… I know now that I should have stayed and not left. To Him goes the glory, Janel
(UNITED STATES) Well, my husband gave me a divorce & he was cheating on me. I didn’t want a divorce but I know that is what I needed to do, was to let him go and let God do what he has to do in me. He moved in with another woman and they bought a house. He still calls me, checking on me saying that he is just checking on me. I don’t get that at all. I still love him but I just can’t have him thinking that he can do what he wants to do.
(USA) I divorced my husband for physical abuse, although there were numerous occasions of adultery on his part. However, I did not divorce him for that. We had been together for 6 years before being married, I divorced him after being married for 3 years. We have a son together, I had a daughter when I met him, not his child.
I had an affair that he found out about by a letter he found. He flew into a rage even though after all his numerous affairs, all I did was cry and feel hurt when I found out. He destroyed all my clothes, shoes, purses, everything except the clothing I was wearing. He beat me in front of the kids and took an axe and smashed all the furniture except the kids bedrooms. I called the police and took the kids and went to stay at my moms. He came overnight and took my car and burned it near my mom’s house. I filed domestic violence charges and he was sentenced to 10 days in jail.
I divorced him within 4 months of all this. I stayed at my mom’s for about a year. I convinced him to move out of our house after a year, so that I and the kids could move back. He moved in with one of his girlfriends. I stopped seeing the man I had the affair with after I moved back to my house after I realized that he was not looking for anything other than an affair. I started to pray about the mess I was in and asked for God’s guidance. My ex-husband, about that time, started to come over and finally convinced me that he wanted his family back. I took him back, however we did not get remarried.
I tried with all my might to be good to him that time. I then found out that for medical reasons that I could not have any more children. I had surgery but it did not help restore my ability to have children. His mother was still angry at me that he had done 10 days in jail because of domestic violence and she would call and tell him to meet her at her hairdressers often. He had met this hairdresser during our separation and his mother liked her and was helping to get them back together. I found out she was pregnant. He did not tell me, my daughter heard it and told me. I was so crushed and broken hearted.
I kept praying even though it hurt horribly. She had a miscarriage and the same day she left the hospital he came home crying and said it must have happened because of how he treated me.
He seemed to try after that for about a month. His mother called one Saturday and I listened on the phone to hear her say the woman was in the hospital and had taken pills to commit suicide and that he should come to the hospital. He went. After that he started seeing her again and she got pregnant again. He brought the baby over when he was about 1 year old. I was not angry at the baby, it was not his fault.
I then found out that the woman was pregnant again. He started staying over at her house for 3 to 4 days at a time and still would not move out even when I asked him to leave. He said he did not want to leave me and he had responsibilities for his other kids also. I was still praying and going to church to keep sane and to keep from doing something to him that would land me in jail.
Needless to say he did not leave our house until I pretended to call the police on him. He got scared and moved all his clothes. He got married to her. They have two boys who are now 13 and 15. I went to lunch with him a few weeks ago. He is not happy with her but says it is cheaper to keep her. I have a son with him who is now 26 years old.
I try to believe that God has a plan for all of his children’s lives but I still do not understand how we women can be so forgiving of those who continually mistreat us. I know I had a part in the breakup but maybe it was not God’s will for us. To all those who are praying for their ex-spouses to return, it may be like a dog returning to his own vomit. (That’s in the Bible I think). I wish you all the best and God bless.
(UNITED STATES) Have you ever been born again? Jesus says we’re all sinners and we must repent of our sins. Then find a good God fearing Church. Try the Potters House Or The Door Christian Center. The preaching will change your life.
(US) I think that if God really honors marriage then couples would stay together. It has become very hard for me to accept what God has allowed and I am very bitter and upset with him and my ex-wife. Now I feel that I am alone and whatever I do will be because of me and not God. How could he have allowed this after knowing that this would have this type of effect on me (his child)? I do not feel that I am his.
(USA) Eddie, I was mad at God for a while, but now I am not. I believe he gives us free will. I can choose to be evil or good. I choose to try to be good. Because God did not force my 1st husband to come back to me and leave his girlfriend, I don’t think it is God’s fault anymore. I think God prompts the heart to change, but we have the freedom to make the decision on what we will do in these cases.
My first husband at times would feel the promptings of God and cry and talk and apologize but always went back to doing what ever he wanted eventually. Therefore, I saw God trying to get his attention but he did not choose to listen. He may still be trying to get his attention even years later, as God is more patient than we are. I gave up waiting for God to fix things so I moved on. Some people have more patience that I have. I don’t wait well. Which can be a problem also, as I went right into another marriage. Not a good idea as I still had unresolved baggage left from the first marriage.
This is my 2nd marriage, I am married to a man who sounds like the husband Patricia (posted Jan. 5, 2009) described except we are still in the same house and are not divorced. He gets drunk and verbally has abused me, been drunk and rude to my mom and siblings. He got drunk and hit me in the head a few years back and I have 12 stitches in my scalp to show for it. I feel bad that he is addicted but I feel worse for me that I am still living here in this mess as he is not on a road to recovery that I can see. He has pancreas problems due to alcohol, the Drs have told him that it could be fatal unless he stops. I don’t think he believes them as it has not even slowed down his drinking. We sleep in separate rooms as his room is a stinking pig sty. He chain smokes and does not care. I pay my sister to clean his room and bathroom as I can’t stomach it. He is on disability and uses his check to smoke and drink and act like the devil.
I have not divorced him yet, however I think about it usually a few times a day I had a counselor say that to marry someone with the temperament, actions and problems in your husband, what were you running from? In being honest, I was running from being alone and feeling unwanted after my first marriage ended in divorce and my husband remarried someone else. I had to be desperate to marry an alcoholic after growing up in a home with an alcoholic father. I always said there was no way I would put up with an alcoholic husband like my mom did, but look at me now. After the breakup and hurt of my first divorce for infidelity on both our parts, I apparently married the 2nd husband as a rebound, we only knew each other for about 3 months before getting married.
We met at church through my Pastor at the time who introduced us. This same Pastor married us. Needless to say instead of things getting better after I married him they got worse. He hid the constant drinking for a while, however slowly his true self showed up. I was an idiot, who broke my own code regarding alcoholics because I sort of felt, as the Pastor approved of him, I thought there was some kind of Godly leading for us (WRONG).
My mother and my daughter were against the marriage as they said I did not know him well enough and they proved to be right. The Pastor’s prophecy proved wrong. I learned I need to listen for the peace of God to rule before making major decisions. Did it take all that to help me to come to this point? I guess so. If I ever find myself alone again, I will get a dog if I am lonely, maybe two.
I can’t tell anyone else what to do, however I can tell myself that I do not believe God wants his children to suffer at the hands of unruly and ungodly spouses that have no consideration for God or what is right or for us and our feelings and the way they treat people so poorly continually with no remorse, change or repentance. I believe God wants better for us. I believe that I don’t always clearly know what to do, but I do have a good idea now of what not to do. Feeling sorry for someone is no reason to be married to a devil no matter how much you may want to help them. My sanity and peace of mind is more important. I will help them from afar and bless them as they go on their way.
Did it take all this to learn this? For me I guess so. However, I feel I have gained wisdom on making better choices. The Bible says don’t even eat with a drunkard. Therefore I sure as heck don’t see God wanting me to be married and living with one. Some people take their whole lives to straighten up and repent and really accept God into their heart and act differently, some wait until their death bed, some never turn around. But God gives us free will. We can choose to accept him or reject him. It is our free will choice.
I hope everyone going through the torment in these emails continues to pray about your situations and let the peace of God rule in your decisions as I want you to be happy, peaceful and content. Life is difficult enough without having relationships that cause us grief. Golden rule… Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you were a mean, hateful alcoholic, rude, evil, insensitive jerk, would you expect anyone to want to be around you? Of course not. So why should one value oneself so little that we allow ourselves to be treated so badly?
I have started praying for God to help me to have the strength to walk away at his leading and stay away from anyone that does not treat me as I treat others and want to be treated and believes God is pleased with their treatment of me as his child. Much love and God’s blessings and guidance to us all.
(UNITED STATES) First of all, if your pastor put you two together, then it’s time to change churches. Try The Door Christian Center Or The Potters House.
(BAHAMAS) I am now a 50 yr old woman, have the strength and looks of a 35 yr old woman. I got married at the age of 18 years old. I really didn’t get married for love. At that time it was in the best interest of my family that an 18 year woman be married. So when my husband came along I got married just to have a good name and a family. I now realize that I do not love him and have asked God daily to rid me of this marriage.
My husband acted cool for a while but right after the marriage he started to drink and started to be with other women. He has a thirty two year daughter the same age as our second son and I only knew of this when she was twenty six years of age. Also my husband calls me bad names all of the time, names like hoar and no good, especially when he’s drunk. He slows down now, but I don’t love him and wish to get out of this marriage.
(KENYA) Thanks for the wonderful messages that are being shared. I am 28 years old and married for 5 years. All through I have seen the hand of God in my marriage and pray that God will continue sustaining my marriage till death do us part.
I just want to encourage Eddie that God is always faithful and works towards the good of our life. Never Give Up in trusting HIM as He sees and knows what u are going through. Be patient, continue seeking Him and he will lift you up. Trust in Him as Job in the Bible did, and He will reward you abundantly. Remember God is never too late nor too early; He is always on time to all those who believe and trust in Him. Be Blessed. Mildred
(USA) My wife and I are going through a divorce that I don’t want but filed because she has been in an affair for over a year now. I think I have to go through with it because she has shown no signs of repentance. She says she never was saved although she made a profession of faith at 12. We have four children from 17 to 10. She is forty and struggles with age gaps. I want her back but only if she is saved. She says she is not coming back. I believe God still works miracles and expect to remarry her this fall. All of you keep praying that God would save her and then restore our marriage. I just don’t believe God wants this to end.
Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she get saved before the divorce is finished in July?
(USA) Sincerely seek an answer from God, not the opinion of man. My advice is to continually forgive and love and intercede for your wife– and let God work on her heart, soul, and spirit. God is a God of restoration and reconciliation. Read the book of Hosea.
(USA) HELLO TO ALL, MY EX LEFT 3 YEARS AGO IN NOVEMBER, OUR DIVORCE WAS A YEAR AGO TOMORROW. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE HERE. WE HAD SOME TROUBLE, BUT SO DOES EVERY MARRIED COUPLE. THREE YEARS AGO I WAS TOLD BY A STRANGER ON THE PHONE HE WAS CHEATING. I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM I THOUGHT MAYBE WE NEEDED TIME BUT I TOLD HIM HE DID NOT HAVE TO LEAVE. HE HAD BACK-SLIDDEN ON GOD AND WAS WEAK IN HIS WALK WITH GOD. HE CHOSE TO STAY GONE.
WE STAY IN TOUCH BECAUSE OF THE KIDS, BUT NOW AFTER 3 YEARS ALMOST IT SEEMS GOD IS SHOWING ME THAT MY PRAYERS ARE WORKING. I DON’T KNOW EVERYONE’S BELIEFS THAT READ THESE STORIES, BUT I BELIEVE GOD SPEAKS THROUGH PEOPLE WITH WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE. THIS MEANS THAT GOD USES THEM TO SPEAK TO OTHERS ABOUT THINGS THEY HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF.
DURING THE FIRST YEAR ESPECIALLY, GOD GAVE ME MANY WORDS CONCERNING MY MARRIAGE. I STOOD AND STILL STAND ON THOSE WORDS AND NOW I BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SOON TO COME TO PASS. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT GOD IS DRAWING MY EX-HUSBAND BACK TO HIMSELF. I BELIEVE THAT SOON AND VERY SOON I WILL SEE HIM COME THROUGH THE DOORS OF MY CHURCH TO RENEW HIS WALK WITH GOD AND EVENTUALLY HIS MARRIAGE TO ME. GOD IS SO GOOD. HE IS FAITHFUL WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS. HE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU.
PEOPLE WILL FAIL YOU. SOMETIMES EVEN PEOPLE WHO LOVE GOD WILL FAIL YOU. WE ARE HUMAN AND ARE NOT PERFECT. WE CAN ONLY STRIVE TO BE ALL THAT GOD HAS CREATED US TO BE.
PLEASE EDDIE, FROM MARCH 18TH, DON’T BLAME GOD, HE WOULD NEVER HURT YOU. WHEN YOU HURT HE HURTS. HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON FOR YOU TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. STAND ON GOD’S WORD. LET IT BE YOUR FOUNDATION. KEEP YOUR EYES ON HIM AT ALL TIMES SO YOU’RE NOT DISTRACTED BY THE STORMS OF LIFE. I PRAY THAT GOD RENEWS YOU AND THAT HE SENDS YOU SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT, A MENTOR OR A FRIEND WHO WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THE WORD OF GOD. I PRAY YOU HAVE A GOOD, LOVING CHURCH TO STAND BEHIND YOU AND HOLD YOU UP IN GOD.
WE MUST ALL REALIZE THE DEVIL IS TRYING TO DESTROY THE MARRIAGES OF ALL GOOD PEOPLE. HE KNOWS HOW STRONG A UNIFIED, GODLY COUPLE CAN BE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE THAT VERY SOON I CAN POST THE RENEWAL OF MY MARRIAGE TO THE HUSBAND OF MY YOUTH.
(UNITED KINGDOM) I did like reading all the comments. My situation is I am divorced but I am a Catholic and in the Catholic church so I am still married. I am pleased about that and would like to get back with my husband, but he is with another woman so I just have to wait.
(USA) Yes, you are still married even though man has divorced you; God has not. God will bring your spouce home just believe.
(USA) Mike said, “Should I go through with the divorce regardless of whether she gets saved before the divorce is finished in July?” No, keep praying!
Marriage = A Covenant Between One Man And One Woman… Until Death. See: http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html and http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm.
(USA) Mike, I’m living this entire hell in each pore of my body. Divorce is not the solution. If you still love her you can go through this experience better by going to counseling and respecting her all the way. I hope I have the opportunity to save my love life and smile again. My kids, my entire family is in pain for this lost. Good luck and God bless your decisions.
(SOUTH AFRICA) HI THERE MIKE, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I’M GOING THROUGH A SITUATION LIKE YOURSELF. ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE. I ADORE THE MAN. IT STARTED 14 MONTHS AGO. I WENT OVERSEAS TO ENGLAND FOR THE BIRTH OF MY GRAND SON FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. HE STARTED A PHONE CALL RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN THAT WENT INTO OTHER THINGS AS WELL.
IN THAT TIME WE MOVED ONTO A GAME FARM AND LIVE IN A TENT FOR A NO OF MONTHS AND MY CHILDREN HAD LEFT HOME AS WELL. QUITE A FEW THINGS WENT WRONG. IN THIS PROCESS HIS LONG TERM FRIEND WAS IN DIRE STRAIGHTS AND HAD NOWHERE TO GO SO SHE WAS INVITED TO THE FARM AS WELL. SHE HAS THREE CHILDREN FROM OTHER MEN. THE WARNING SIGNS WHERE THERE AND I DID THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT SHE WOULD BETRAY ME AND TAKE MY HUBBY FROM ME.
HE HAS MOVED OUT AND SAID HE HAS NO FEELINGS LEFT FOR ME. I REALLY WANT TO STAND ON THE WORD OF GOD THAT HE COMES TO HIS SENSES AND REALIZES THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN SLEEPING AROUND WITH OTHER WOMAN. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY AND I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO THAT. FORGIVE, FORGIVEN, AND TRYING TO FORGET.
I LOVE THE LORD VERY MUCH. GOD IS MY TOP POINT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO DO HIS WILL IN THIS SITUATION. TIME WILL HEAL ALL THINGS. I’M NOT GOING TO ANY LAWYERS HE WILL HAVE TO DO THAT. MY CHILDREN WHERE BOUGHT UP BY HIM AND LET ME LET YOU KNOW THEY ARE HURTING LIKE ANYTHING. MAY THE LORD RESTORE YOU AND BLESS YOU UNTIL YOUR CUP RUNS OVER. GOD BLESS.
(USA) All of these stories are such an inspiration. It’s amazing how many people share the same pain I am going through. My wife left about a year ago and our divorce is almost final. I am 33 and married to her for almost 10 years. We actually met when we were only 7. We have 3 amazing kids together and I love this girl more than life itself. She has been dating a guy that is 28 with no kids and has never been married. She had told me that she didn’t leave me for him, that our problems occurred before he was in the picture. And she’s right they were.
But now that I have been through counseling myself, I see what I was doing was wrong. I took the most precious thing in my life and didn’t treat her like a friend and a wife. Don’t get me wrong, she had her issues too, but that is a thing of the past. I want to forgive and forget. And now that I know she is with this other guy, it is difficult for me to let go.
After a year of being with him, she still hasn’t introduced the kids to him. I can see why he doesn’t mind the children; he doesn’t have to deal with them! I am a spiritual person and my wife is too, but we let our life slip away from God way too much. And truthfully, this was probably a good wake up call for the both of us. But, I am now ready and mature enough to want this relationship to work. I miss her very much and also want to start seeing my kids everyday again.
Every time I see my wife, I just want to hold her and tell her I love her. If only it was that easy. One thing is for sure, I will not let the court or a piece of paper telling me that I am getting divorced, stop me. And it is because of my faith in God that He will see this through. And it will be done on His timing, I can’t force the issue.
I know many people out there are sharing my pain as well. And all I can say is put your faith in God in everything you do and watch how He will perform miracles in your life. Just be patient and don’t lose faith!