My wife and I have been married for 10 years, divorced for 1 year, and remarried for 4 years. This, of course, is to each other. Ours is a marriage that has been put back together after the divorce.
You may ask, how is it the second time around? It’s absolutely marvelous. We never argue, never say the wrong things to each other, and we are always happy. If only it were so! No, we do argue, and we do miscommunicate with each other. We are not always happy. But that’s all part of having a successful marriage.
First Marriage
In our first marriage God was not a part of it. I rejected God and was the most inconsiderate man that any woman could ever have been married to. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Eventually I became a gangster. My wife had to live ten years of absolute hell with me.
She, however, loved me. She told me continually that the reason she stayed with me was because she believed the man that she had met 10 years before would return. Despite all the ways I hurt my wife, she did not divorce me. I left her for a younger girl and divorced her.
It was my six year old daughter who was the one who helped to bring us back together. She had never been into a church, nor did she know much about spiritual things. But one day she found out from her teacher that she should pray for God to bring her daddy back. God answered her prayer.
Lastly, I want to say that if you are having marriage problems and want to get divorced, I don’t recommend it. I believe with God any marriage can be successful. To sum it all up, success in marriage depends how much you are prepared to sacrifice. My precious wife was prepared to sacrifice everything to keep our marriage together. I thank God for her.
This is a true testimony given to us from a subscriber from South Africa.
(USA) 17 yrs of marriage, 20 yr’s together. My wonderful spouse raised my 2 children. I miss him so much. He left 1 yr ago. We have been divorced for 6 months now. I pray every night for him. We both made mistakes. He was a wonderful man when we met. I thanked GOD the day we married for sending him to me.
Please pray for us. I love him so very much. I know we both lost GOD in our life and opened a door so powerful for satan. Please pray he will call and we will meet and let GOD do His POWER. THANK YOU.
(UNITED STATES) I have been with my fiancee of three years. My family was very involved with our relationship. I am 20 and he is 24. I know I am young. We have a 1 year old together.
I have to come found out he is a serial cheater. We have been engaged three times. He has left me twice this year. We both had a birthday last month and we were together. We were living together ever since I graduated from high school in 2009. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions. He is always the first to apologize and he admits he does horrible things to me.
He is now with someone new and they haven’t really been hitting it off according to his sister. He moved her in at the end of July, a week after our birthdays. He stopped calling and coming around. He called all of a sudden one day because of a rumor he heard and completely disrespected me. He called me for sex two weeks ago and I denied him.
Then last Saturday he called about our son and to say he was just checking on us. He uses my son as an excuse to talk to me. I am so in love with this man. I pray to God all day, everyday, to work on me and him and to open his heart. I know it’s going to take time, but I know it’s going to be worth it. God has told me that we are going to be together in time and that gives me hope. People are trying to get me down and make horrible comments, but I’m holding on. This time I will have God in this relationship. I SPEAK LIFE INTO THIS SITUATION.
(USA) Rachelle, I can’t tell you what to do and of course, I’m not all-knowing. But from the little you wrote and what I know of other situations such as yours, the only thing I can say to you, as your sister in Christ, is if you want to continue to be used by this man, then keep making yourself available. He sounds like a user. He wants what he wants, and who he wants, when he wants them, including your son. And you are one of his many “wants” when it is convenient for him –otherwise, forget it. Your desires don’t appear to be relevant unless they line up with his.
I wish I didn’t have to say this because I know this hurts. I’m so sorry. But you also have to look at your son. Is this the type of example you want around your son? Is he “fathering” your son in such a way that you hope your son takes his example of how to treat women and inflicts that upon other women?
I sense you have a beautiful heart. And I sense that you want to give and receive pure love from a man who you hope will be your husband. It’s not that this man is not redeemable. But the question is, does he want to be redeemable? Does he embrace the desire to be a man of integrity, faithfulness, truthfulness, and has a heart in which his desire is to serve, rather than being served? Someday, he may become a man after God’s heart, but until he is open to all God can do in and through him, he seems pretty toxic to me — to you and your son and every woman and person he uses.
Yes, you are young. But youth doesn’t mean that you have to live your life with your eyes closed. Please, please, please look to the Lord. Seek Truth and without putting your own desires before anything else (because they cause blindness to red flags the Lord puts out there to warn of danger), look at this man’s life. Is he a giver or a taker? Truthfully. If he’s a taker, then you will be the one doing all the giving until your heart and resources are depleted, and then he will move elsewhere to take from someone else. And you will be allowing a “taker” to teach your son how to treat women.
Pray for this man… YES!!! But to subject yourself to be used and tossed aside until he wants to use you again… well, that’s your choice. However, for your sake and for the sake of your son, I hope you will make a wiser choice than that. I also hope you will accept what I write in the Spirit of Love, because that is my intention.
(UK) I am not accepting the divorce. Please pray, as I need mighty warriors to bring down this evil stronghold of demoniacal influence. Thanks.
(UK) Actually, Rachelle, If God has told you that the two of you are going to be together, then, fight, fight and fight again for your man. The Holy Spirit can intervene and change his bad ways. Real love only happens but seldom – the world is full of lukewarm replicas.
Look, doll, use every ounce of your feminine wiles to get him back. You are only 20 – plenty of time to work on getting him saved. He is the father of your son. That matters. I managed to get my husband saved. He subsequently fell into sin.
Am I, 30 plus years later, giving up? We now have children your age! No. No. Never give up. Never, ever, ever, ever give up.
Oh, I could cite Wittgenstein (We can will things to happen much more often than is commonly appreciated), which is, incidentally, true. However, your man (like mine), is absolutely irreplaceable.
And it is God himself you has told you that you will be together. You must hold resolutely to any verse He has given you. He will bless you, and provide for your every need, if you follow His Word.
(USA) I agree with you to pray, but I disagree about allowing yourself to be put into a place of being used — especially sexually, when there are so many STD’s out there that can be passed onto the faithful partner via the one who cheats. It can be a death sentence sometimes. And being sexually available to someone who isn’t your husband is NOT something the Lord would think is acceptable. It goes against His Word and His way.
Yes, she should hang in there, in some way, if God told her to do so. But it doesn’t seem like God would have her “use her wiles” to win him to Christ. That just doesn’t seem consistent with His ways. I may be wrong. But I don’t think so. Pray, believe, persevere in ways that show backbone and meekness. Meekness is defined as being “strength under control.” But don’t lower yourself to a level where God’s witness does not come through. I pray the best for you and your husband, and of course, for Rachelle and her son.
(UK) Dearest Cindy, Thank you so much for saying that you will pray for my marriage, and I know, because you are obviously a precious and mature woman of God, that you will not forget to do this.
Please note, when I advised Rachelle to use her ‘feminine wiles’ in this spiritual war, (to win her man back, and to get him saved), I was not suggesting returning to sex in an unmarried capacity.
My advice was based on Rachelle saying that God had told her the two of them would be together in time, and on the statement she made regarding her speaking life into her situation, and on her loving him very much, and because he is the father of her one year old son.
Feminine wiles are more complex than sexual avaiability. If Rachelle really wants this man back, she should keep holding on to the verse she received from the Word, and take spiritual authority over the situation.
She could be charm itself, inviting him to attend Christian meetings, (he will be saved, given what God has promised her), and insistent on a marriage date and ring on her finger.
Her life will very possibly not be easy, but, if this is what she wants, she has to go in with all guns blazing (quietly). Her son will then grow up with two married saved parents.
Naturally, no one wants to catch a sexually transmitted disease, but we do not know if the young man has put himself at risk of this, or even if he has acquired one, far less if it is incurable.
Part of her assuming the reigns of authority would be to find this out, although she has to tread tactfully, as well as firmly, over time, as she ‘hooks’ him and reels him back.
It will not be an easy road. True love seldom is. Rachelle must take account of the wide range of counsel that she has received, and then, ultimately, make up her own mind, (based on her continuous seeking of God’s Word in the Bible).
Most children would prefer their parents to be married, and Rachelle’s son will be no different. This situation should indeed have life spoken into it.
My husband has gone astray. I know exactly what is behind his confusion. He is now in a difficult situation. He should be offered help and restoration, indeed the health of others would flow from this step.
Could everyone on this site pray that he is put firmly on this path? God cannot lie.
(UK) I have been standing for 6 months for our marriage of 28 years. I have a stong faith but my husband is not yet saved. Satan has enticed him away with a job a long way from home and we only see him alternate weekends. We still have young children at home.
Satan is leading him astray and causing him to be selfish and think only of his own needs. He is staying with his brother who is encouraging him to remain away. I pray a hedge of protection around my husband and our marriage that satan will release hold of this job and this brother over my husband. I pray for a total restoration in Jesus name and guidance as to how I should proceed. I ask all demons surrounding my husband be cast out in Jesus name. Amen
(USA) I’m lost at this point. Married six, together 14 and we’re finalized in a few weeks. Finally divorcing. I don’t want it and asked him to please reconsider but he wants out. He has another girlfriend and I love him to death. I’m devastated. I guess I have no choice but to accept this. I’ll leave it in God’s hands. In alot of pain..:(
(USA) I too would like to ask for prayers for my marriage. I have been married for 16 years, the first 10 were wonderful, though times were hard, and we stood together with God as our foundation. We have 4 beautiful daughters. But then, we got out of church and away from God, and the devil slipped in. My husband turned to another woman and I turned to another man, and it was a very dark time.
We separated, and lived apart for a year, but eventually began trying to reconcile. He moved back in after I had major surgery and for a very short time, things seemed to be better, although we had still not gotten back in church. The problems began again, and he once again turned to another woman. We separated again in July of this year. I only recently found out that he has been living with the other woman since we separated. We have filed for divorce and it will be final within the next month.
But, I do not want to divorce my husband and I feel that God can and will put it back together.(My husband keeps going back and forth, he loves me… but he has feelings for her. He wants to make it work, but can’t give her up.) I have gotten back in church, and am walking with the Lord, trying to get back where I need to be. I know that if we had continued to stand on God’s Word together, it would never have gotten to this point. I also know that God put us together and no one should be able to tear that apart.
I am praying for restoration… not just for my marriage, but a restoration of myself and of him. We both were strong witnesses for God and both had a part in a music ministry. I believe God has called us both to use our gifts for Him, and if we can come out of this stronger than before… what a mighty witness that we can be! All of theses stories have given me even more hope and how wonderful it is to know that there are other people that are praying for you!
(USA) I have read many peoples’ stories, and it saddens me that so many are suffering through heartache. My 6th wedding anniversary was June 25th, and our 8th dating anniversary is on Nov 3rd. We have been having issues for a while now. I believe it has to do a lot with lack of communication and not understanding each others needs. We come from different marriage backgrounds, his parents are still married and a lot of my family members have been through divorces.
We had a big fight in July where he said that it was over and he couldnt take it anymore. However we made up or so I thought the next couple days. I was so happy to receive flowers and a heartfelt card from him. I was crying with joy, thinking this was a new beginning for us. Things were a little awkward, with us feeling each other out, I just thought we were taking it slow. Come to find out he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and wanted me to believe things were ok. But he was battling with himself and I guess couldn’t take it anymore. We did get in a couple more arguments which didn’t help, and I guess convinced him that he was making the right decision.
He wants a divorce. If he could have it his way he would go straight to divorce without a separation. In our state we must live separately for 6 months for a divorce to be granted. Of course I pleaded with him, begging him to give me a real chance. All that did was get him more angry. The more I cried the more he got angry. He said there is nothing I can do, that it’s going to happen. Our marriage wasnt perfect, but I didn’t know he truly felt this way. He is trying to put this all on me. I know it takes two, and I know I did have a lot to do with it. I didn’t show him the love he deserved, I took him for granted. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love him, I just didn’t know how to show my love.
Instead of calling me out for the things that bothered him in our marriage, he kept it to himself. He doesn’t like any discussions, he thinks any negative discussion is an argument. I’m a very verbal person, and believe that sharing my thoughts and feelings will help resolve things. I guess I was wrong. Whatever I said or didn’t say was pushing him away, and I had no idea. He said he gave me many chances. How was I supposed to know he was giving me chances if he never told me? I can’t read his mind and he can’t read mine. He says that I knew what I was doing that I wasnt blind to my actions. I do agree that sometimes we know what we do wrong and regret it, but sometimes we don’t really know the ill effects we are causing to someone else unless they tell us and put us in our place.
He says I will never change, that no one ever changes, that someone may change for a short time, but they always revert to their old ways. I don’t believe that. He is now telling me all that I did wrong and how I made him feel when I can’t change the past. I can change the present and the future. But he is so angry he won’t listen to anyone.
I started going back to church after more than 10 years, but this time it was for myself. I always knew I would go back to church when I was ready, not when people were trying to force me to go. Unfortunately it took this crisis to have me seek God. But I do believe everything happens for a reason. I have been praying everyday that my marriage will be restored.
My husband still wants the separation. He says if I don’t leave then he will leave so the separation will start. I know pleading and begging isn’t working. So I don’t know if giving him some space will help. My husband is pretty hardheaded. Once he makes up his mind he rarely changes it. But I believe he is being blinded by his anger right now. To him the only option is divorce. I told him I can’t live without him, and he told me that I’m not understanding him, that he can’t live with me. So I’m trying a different approach. Any communication between us, which is scarce, is limited to business details, no mention of our relationship. It’s really hard because I want to pour my heart out to him. But on one of our last conversations by phone, he said that my words were empty to him, they didn’t mean anything. So I’m praying my actions and restraint will show him that I am changing, and not because he wants me to, but because I want to.
I believe that if he changed his mind about loving me forever and saying he would never leave me, that he can change his mind again. All is not lost. I know I can truly make him happy if he gives me a chance. But I also know I can’t force him to be with me. It’s hard to understand that the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with could all of sudden, (though he said it was gradual) stop loving you and want to erase you from his life. He is my husband, my lover, my friend.
The pain I feel is as if someone dear to me died. It’s an unbearable feeling. All I can do is pray and pray and try to stay positive. He comes back this week wanting to sign the separation paperwork. I’m not giving up, whether I stay or go I will keep praying for our marriage. Even if the worst possible outcome happens, divorce, I will not give up. I will still feel married to him. It kills me to think of not seeing, touching, smelling him, and not hearing his voice. He’s limiting our communication to texts and emails. He doesnt want to talk to me on the phone, because he thinks I will bring up our relationship.
He says he gradually fell out of love with me and that he had contemplated divorce before. I wish he would of told me this. As a wife I think I should have known this, so I could have stopped this suffering in its tracks. But again, I can’t change the past, even though it haunts me 24/7. I can try and change the present. He knows I love him and that I don’t want a divorce. I told him I will wait for him, and asked him that if sometime down the line if he realizes he made a mistake, if he would contact me? He said I don’t know. Even with how much he is neglecting me right now, I forgive him, anything he says or does I forgive him. Because I know he is angry, and that I caused him a lot of pain. If he decides to come back to me I will forgive all this negativity, and never bring it up.
I prayed to God to forgive me for my sins, and I know he has. So I can’t be two-faced and not forgive my husband. Again I pray for the restoration of my marriage. I know that if we can get through this crisis that our marriage will be a 100 times stronger. I just wish he could see that. I have to leave it in God’s hands. I can’t change my husband’s mind, only God can. I pray for strength, understanding, and patience.
(INDIA) I’m also going through the Divorce process. Went through many bad things when I was at his place in United States. I loved him even after all those harrassments. Begged him to stay.
(GEORGIA) Hi, my name is Sabrina and I have been divorced 2 yrs this coming November, although my husband and I have been separated for over 6 yrs. However, we recently found each other, but he is in a relationship with someone and has been dating her 5 yrs. He wants to get back with me and I also want that, but people are in the way. Its been hard; I need God to help. Can God mend this one? I will be willing to sacifice but I don’t know where to start. Show me how.
(USA) Talk is cheap. If he really wants to get back with you, he would end the relationship with the other woman. If you really want to get back with him, you would end any relationships with other men.
Until those things happen, there is no point of praying to God and seeking his guidance. After all, if one or both of you are unwilling to give up anyone you happen to be seeing (I don’t know if you are or not, but since you use the plural, people, I presume you too are in a relationship or have been in several either during your separation, or best case sometime after your divorce), until each of you are willing to do more than just talk about it, what are you expecting God to show up and do?
He won’t reprogram either of you as if you were defective robots. He watches to see what you do with the information you’ve been provided. If you don’t act on that, then I seriously doubt God is going to magically change your heart or your husband’s heart.
(USA) Hi, My name is Whitney! I was married for almost 4 yrs and out of no where my husband leaves and we have been divorced for 6 months now! I am so in love with this man that I am willing to do anything to put US back together! I truly believe that God will bring him back to me but I would love for other people to pray for us as well! PLEASE pray for us! THANK YOU!
(USA) I am a recovering addict that got married to a woman who I believe God chose for me. After 2 years into our marriage I got busted with a large amount of pot. My wife felt insecure with me being an addict and I decided that I needed to quit the drugs.
I did well at 1st and was involved in N.A. But it wasn’t long before I was slipping time and time again. For 5 years I struggled with my relapses and then we got pregnant. I slipped again over the fear of being a new father. My wife divorced me over it.
The day she left me was the last day I have used any mind altering substance. That was almost 2 years ago and I am a good father now and have no desire to get high ever again, all because of the power of Jesus.
But I want more than anything to be a family again or a family like we never were but planned on being. I give Jesus total control of my life now and believe God can return my family to family just as he lifted the desire for drugs in my life. Please pray for me. I’ve been praying everyday for it. God hasn’t said no but he hasn’t said yes, eather. I am just getting really tired of the pain of not moving on. Please pray God will restore us or he would tell me no, so I can move past the pain and heal. Its been 2 years now –2 years clean and divorced.
(UK) Someone I know is going through divorce. These people they have been together through thick and thin. The husband came from a very poor background and was an orphan. The woman helped and supported the husband with education and as am talking the man is well educated and holds a very big post and earns a lot of money. Ever since he started getting money he changed. The woman has tried everything and also involving other relatives but the husband does not care.
As I am writing this he is living with another woman and yet his children and wife are suffering. The new woman it is believed, is using juju in order for the man not to go back to his wife. Please pray for this man’s eyes to be opened and go back to his wife.
(ZAIRE) My sister made a mistake of moving in with her boyfriend a few years ago before getting to know him. Soon after he moved in she became pregnant and his true colours started manifesting. The boyfriend became abusive physically, financially, sexually. And as if it was not enough, he started dating other women.
This man before they met, had nothing and my sister despite the things he was doing to her, managed to help him with education, paying school fees and everything. Once he got his Masters, the abuse got even worse mainly verbal, telling her that she is ugly and wonders why he was going out with her, sometimes spitting at her and beating her.
My sister tried everything but the boyfriend had nothing to do with her. The funny thing is that despite all this he refuses to move out. Last year he got another woman pregnant and when my sister discovered this the man became even more abusive to the point where he was encouraging the new girlfriend to be abusive verbally as well, to my sister. Sometimes they will be talking on the phone in the presence of my sister and being sarcastic. The boyfriend goes to the new girlfriend and comes back and tells my sister that he cannot leave her meaning my sister.
Now things have gone sour with the new girlfriend and he is calm and acting nice to my sister. The man has lost money, businesses while he was in that relationship. He never used to support my sister financially or with the kids. Now he is helping out bcoz the other girlfriend has dumped him. My sister wants him out but he is refusing. Mind you he vowed never to marry my sister because he says he does not love her and he has never loved her. We all feel sorry for my sister. Please pray for my sister. She tells me that she just wants him leave but the man doesn’t.
(USA) I went from prodigal to stander… I realized that I was responsible for the failure of my marriage.
Neither of us came from homes that SHOWED how to be married. We thought we could do it on our own. We were wrong. Even as believers we never gave our marriage to God. We both yelled, screamed, put down, ignored, and failed to uplift each other. However, I was the man, the leader, and I failed…
I went through 3 long years of sin, sin, sin. My wife begged and pleaded (as she cursed and yelled) to come back… I laughed and said NO. She finally gave up and started dating.
All along, during my sin, sin, sin, I always said to God, “If it’s Your will, then we will get back together.” Well, I was STILL sinning more and more every day. Why would God listen, bless, or help me in any way? He wouldn’t.
It took another man to get me back to God, repent, and stand for my marriage. I started to beg her and she was done. I was mad, sad, angry, cried, etc to God… why, why, why? Well, the answer is this…
I failed and had to get on my knees and pray. I had to GIVE UP my ego, and my wife, my life, my finances, my kids, to God and let Him work within me AND in HIS time frame.
I am impatient and do NOT want to wait years like some people here… but the truth is that God told me to submit to Him before my wife submits to me. Whew… I hope this helps.
She hasn’t come back… as of yet. Satan keeps telling me she isn’t, but God said she will (as long as I have faith, believe, give in to Him and continue growing in God). If I don’t…then she won’t. Thanks to all.
(USA) If you are not married does your union not matter? My ex stated that he loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him but that he is not ready for a relationship. I ended up pregnant two months after we broke up and now he states that he doesn’t love me anymore and is dating someone else. We fight all the time, but I have been praying for 6 months (Even before I became pregnant) that he would open his eyes. I love him very deeply and I feel that this breakup is wrong. Everyone is telling me that the situation is hopeless but I don’t believe that. Am I wrong? Should I not be praying for us because we are not yet married?
(NETHERLANDS) @ Lynne….want to respond, just short of time tonight, I saw you posted today, I have never been on this site before, and I was randomly looking at comments, and yours caught my attention. will comment asap ;)