The following are “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with Remarriage issues. They have experienced God’s grace and special touch in their circumstances. We believe you will be encouraged and find hope through reading them.
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If God has done a special work in your life as it concerns things you have LEARNED THROUGH, on the issue of Remarriage, we want to hear from you. Even if your testimony isn’t very long in length, we would like to read it. In posting it, it may bring hope and help to those who read it.
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(USA) I married very young at the age of nineteen and lived in dysfunction and misery for five years. My marriage was a result of me being spiritually and mentally immature. I didn’t understand the concept of asking God to send me his best. I didn’t even really understand the meaning of marriage or love. But thank God for second chances. I am now remarried to my very best friend who also works beside me in ministry. I am a living testimony that God does forgive us for our mistakes and gives us glorious second chances. Minister Wanda, Christian Marriage Today
Thank you for your input. Will you please pray for my wife and I Paul and Carol in Ireland. We are both divorced people who met and remarried. I have studied this topic to I am blue in the face. Many Christians would teach and believe that my marriage is not a state of adultery and that its binding. Even though I could probably teach on the topic. I still can be tormented and lack assurance about it. I am not in any way promoting divorce and remarriage but hold to the view that on the grounds of sexual sin, desertion and actions of abuse which lead to one or both that the innocent party can divorce and remarry without sin.
I also believe that the guilty who repent and are free from any obligations to reconcile as the previous married partner is dead, remarried, a unbeliever or does not desire reconciliation can also remarry and that those who have committed adultery as they wrongly divorced and remarried commit a one of act of adultery but that the second or so on marriage is binding and not habitual adultery. If they repent they are forgiven and called to remain in the new marriage. They cant receive the blessing of God on it unless they do. 1Cor ch7v27to28 is a good scripture as it says Art thou bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed which means divorced and then art thou loosed from a wife seek not a wife. The word loosed again meaning the same divorced. But and if thou marry you have not sinned and if a virgin marry they have not sinned. This applies to divorce and remarriage.
Check out a site called Divorce hope. I am happy that your husband and you are blessed and would love to hear some fed back from you which you think would encourage me with my weak faith and scruples. Please pray for my wife and I, that God will enable us to love respect and treat each other as He wills and that we overcome the times of condemnation and confusion we can experience due to these issues. Also if you know a good prayer team would you pass this on to them and ask them to pray also. Thank you.
Hey I’m in the process of dating someone who is still married but plans on divorce. She is with another man etc. Need advice. I’m not sure if this is the correct spot to do this but I’m putting it out there.
RUN AWAY !! I can smell problems from here,,,
Jonny, I want to add to what Bob from TN said about running away because he can “smell” problems.
You should never date a married woman. You are contributing to her sin of adultery (I’m assuming you’re doing more than “just going to movies”). Because you came into our web site on the topic of “Remarriage Testimonies” it tells me you’re thinking about the possibility of marrying this woman. So, you have to ask yourself, “If she’s willing to cheat on her husband with me would she eventually be willing to cheat on me with another man?” Rarely does a person who cheats on a spouse stop at one. It demonstrates she is a person who can’t be trusted and all she is doing is thinking about herself and using you.
I concur with Bob, you don’t want any part of this woman.
I also suggest you go into the section on our web site called FOR MARRIED MEN and start reading articles on what women want and need in a man.
An encouragement to me today as I no longer am married to my husband if 18 years as of today. I still hold to what God says He will do, restore our marriage. God has never lied to me, and He has never been untrustworthy! God bless you!
Well thank you for your testimony. I held onto my 22 years old marriage and went through every manner of abuse for 17 years. Being from Africa and living here I feared for my reputation as a minister and chose the path of waiting even when I knew God was saying leave. I eventually made a choice for my self 5 months ago. Your testimony has encouraged me as I take on the life ahead. It’s given me hope
Your testimony is a blessing to me and similarly is my experience..I am forever thankful to God. Great is the faithfulness, oh God! How great thou art! Jehovah rapha, The Lord who heals, Your loving kindness is new every morning and your mercy shall never cease. Hallelujah!
(ZIMBABWE) I have been separated from husband for almost 4 years now and failing to apply for divorce because it’s expensive. We don’t even know where he is; he hasn’t been in touch for over a year. I am 30 years old and have two children aged 9 and 5. I know that God hates divorce but where does his grace come in? I am so confused. People really make it look so scary that if you are divorced and you remarry you will be living in sin for the rest of your life!!! There is a guy from church who knows my situation and went and asked our pastors if he could court me. What do I do, try and reconcile with someone who has never cared for us? During the time we were together I tried working things out but the children and I were always suffering. I am a born again Christian and I love the Lord with all my heart. I serve in my church.
My question is should I court this man or not because I will be committing adultery? Please help. I am tired of the confusion, i just wanna be happy again…
(ZIMBABWE) I am also in almost the same situation like you. I have two kids, divorced but now have found a wonderful guy who makes me happy. Yes, from the onset you do feel bad and as a Christian you also understand that God hates divorce but the scripture also says, he came so that we can have life and have in abundance. One thing I know for sure, if He does want us to suffer, He loves us and He forgives. Pray about it and God will let you know the right thing for you, for in Jeremiah He says the plans He has for us are of good and not evil. Settle for God’s best.
(USA) Answer: Hi, I know your feelings and situation right now because I went through this situation. I’ll share my brief story. My wife and I were both missionaries. We got married in the Philippines. She is a white woman and I’m an Asian. We’ve been together in the Philippines for alb out 3 years as missionaries. She is a daughter of our CEO. She went back here in the U.S. when she got pregnant and I followed her after 9 months. We stayed together in the U.S. for one year and she divorced me. The reason, she was afraid that sooner or later I would catch her doing something wrong that defiles our marriage.
We’ve been separated for 3 years now and she runs with men after we got divorced. Finally, she is getting remarried by this year, 2012.
So on my side, I never get mad at her and I forgive her even though she betrayed me. But I’m just so sad. To tell you the truth, there was a time that I wanted to get involved in a relationship again, but I am afraid of what the scripture says. And here is the reason why I still remained single as a 33 year old guy. These must be applied to both men and women.
“Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?” So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” The young man said to Him, “All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions” (Matthew 19:16-22).
I quoted this passage at length to make a small point. The question being addressed is what this particular man needed to do to have eternal life. Jesus told him to keep the commandments and the commandments in effect at this time was the law of Moses. The man wanted to know which ones, and Jesus quotes several from the Ten Commandments as well as their summary commandment found in Leviticus 19:18. The man claimed to have always kept these commands, but wanted to know what else he needed to do. In other words, he wanted to go beyond just the requirements to do something extra special. Jesus then went to the heart of his weakness. He was unable to let go of his wealth, even to accept an invitation to be one of Jesus’ disciples.
While murder, adultery, stealing, and lying are wrong; this is not the verse to prove it. The discussion was what this man needed to do while still living under the law of Moses. We live under the law of Christ. We can learn from the example given that we must do all that God commands and that we must not let any worldly thing become more important in our lives than serving our God. A better verse would have been Romans 13:9-10. It doesn’t change the nature of your point, but it is best to be consistent in keeping things in context.
John tells us, “Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness” (I John 3:4). Sin is the breaking of God’s commands, so, yes, breaking a command of God is sinful. However, you distinguish between sinning and continually sinning. The phrase “continual sin” is not found in the Scriptures, and, hence, we cannot consult the Scriptures for a definition of the concept. This can cause difficulties in discussions if two people have different ideas concerning what is being discussed. Sins can be repeatedly committed to the point that a person becomes numb to the guilt of violating God’s law. “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron” (I Timothy 4:1-2). A word used for this state is “licentiousness,” which has been briefly defined as being deluded to think that you have a license to sin. A related word, “lasciviousness” is defined as the state where a person doesn’t care what God or man thinks of his actions. Generally these words are applied to sexual sins, but any sin can develop into licentiousness. “For certain persons have crept in unnoticed, those who were long beforehand marked out for this condemnation, ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ” (Jude 4).
When a person reaches the state of mind where he no longer cares, it is basically impossible to bring him back. The basis of repentance is sorrow (II Corinthians 7:10), and such a person is not sorry about his sins. Hence, his sins bring him death. “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” (James 1:13-15). Licentiousness is sin full-grown.
We all need to recognize that any sin left unrepented will bring about our spiritual death. “When a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity, and dies in it, it is because of the iniquity which he has done that he dies” (Ezekiel 18:26). It is not the number of times that a person commits a sin that leads to death, but the lack of repentance that will spiritually kill a person. “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,” says the Lord GOD. “Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,” says the Lord GOD. “Therefore turn and live!”” (Ezekiel 18:30-32). It was true under the Old Law and it remains true today under the New Law.
Having said all of this to put things into proper perspective, the real core of your question is: “Is divorce a sin?” The general rule given by Christ is shown in the first part of Matthew 19. “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”” (Matthew 19:3-6). Jesus was asked if a man could divorce his wife for any reason. Jesus’s response was “no.” His proof was that marriage existed from the time of creation and was established by God. In marriage God makes two people into one unit. What God has put together, man should not seek to separate.
This matches what God had earlier stated through the prophet Malachi. “And this is the second thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:13-16). God hates divorce because it generates sin (see Psalm 73:6).
Jesus said the same thing. “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). It is not a necessary implication that the act of divorce immediately causes adultery, but rather divorcing a spouse leads to adultery. Jesus said, “causes her to commit adultery.” The reason is simple. Few people remain unmarried after a divorce. When a woman marries another after a divorce, she is committing adultery against her former spouse. The one who marries such a person is not innocent. He is involved in adultery as well.
There is an exception clause in Matthew 5:32. A man who divorces his wife because she was guilty of fornication (sexual immorality), does not cause her to commit adultery. Again the answer as to why is simple. She is already involved in adultery. Her husband’s divorce of her will not cause her to later commit adultery — she is already involved in that sin.
In Matthew 19:9 Jesus said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Jesus gives two conditions that causes the sin of adultery to be committed: 1) a divorce not for the reason of fornication, and 2) marrying another person. This statement is not in contradiction to Matthew 5:32, but gives greater detail. [Just as some verses note that faith saves and other verses mention that both faith and baptism save. Both are true, but the latter gives additional details.] In Matthew 19:9 the adultery is not mentioned as a possible future outcome as it was in Matthew 5:32, but as a fact. Hence, the divorce can lead to adultery, but marrying someone else is adultery. The one exception is: if the divorce is for fornication, the wording implies that the non-fornicator can marry another without committing adultery.
Divorce is also mentioned in I Corinthians 7. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Paul refers to Christ’s statement in Matthew 19:6 that a married couple is to remain married. Paul then explains the implication of this command. Even if a wife chooses to leave her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. Once again, the reasoning is simple. If she left and married someone else, she would be committing adultery. Hence, she must remain unmarried so that if the problems that caused her to leave are resolved, she is free to return her husband.
This conclusion matches the Old Testament law found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4: “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.” Moses’ law doesn’t clearly specify the reason for the divorce, but it clearly forbids a woman from returning to her first husband after she married a second. Paul also does not give a reason for divorce, but he emphasizes the same point. A wife who leaves her husband cannot leave to marry another man. The exception clause is not mentioned because it is not critical to the point Paul is working to get across. Mentioning it would have added complications and left the overall point unclear.
So is Paul allowing divorces for any reason? The answer remains the same as the Lord’s in Matthew 19, divorce for any reason is not allowed. Marriage is and always has been intended to be for life. “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (Romans 7:2-3).
Some concepts in the Scriptures are taught against, but also are dealt with when they occur. For example, in general it is wrong to be angry. “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth” (Colossians 3:8). Yet we know from other passages that all anger is not ruled out. Anger is bad because it often leads to sin. “”Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Holding on to anger gives Satan opportunities to tempt us with sin, hence if we must get angry, it is to be of short duration. “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20). Similarly, because of the danger of angry leading to sin, we must only become angry reluctantly.
Divorce appears to be in the same category. It is not good for men. It is something that God does not like. It comes about because one or more people are sinning. Yet, sometimes it happens. Jesus implies that fornication is a just cause for divorce, but his statement also leaves it clear that a person doesn’t have to divorce because his spouse has committed fornication. It is a choice that God doesn’t like, but allows. Paul too speaks of divorce as something that might happen. But the divorce Paul speaks of is different from the one that Jesus covers.
Jesus implies that the one divorcing a spouse because of fornication can marry another without committing adultery. Paul states that one who divorces (with no particular cause mentioned) is not allowed to marry another person; their only option is to reconcile with their spouse. Jesus and Paul do not contradict each other; hence, the causes for a divorce that Paul had in mind are different from the one cause that Jesus gave.
Like anger, divorce is not ideal and should be avoided. But if it happens, despite all the warnings, then it is regulated by the command not to marry another.
Hence, divorce can be clearly a sin. such as leaving because “I just don’t love you anymore.” It can be clearly permitted when one’s spouse is committing fornication. Yet, there appears to be some situations where it is reluctantly tolerated, but regulated with the hopes that it will only be temporary.
This is obviously an old comment but thought I`d respond to something. You mentioned the text in Malachi where God is speaking of hating divorce. I have read several studies on that and apparently the most correct translation is `he who hates and divorces covers his garment with violence. In other words it was not divorce itself, but treacherous divorce that God hates – men who cast aside the wife of their youth for another partner. I think the word youth may be even more significant and relatable to modern times than we think. She was the wife of his youth, in other words once she was no longer young, she was cast off, most likely for a younger more nubile partner with the flimsiest of excuses and quite possibly with false implications of her having something indecent`about her that was the excuse, though it wasn`t true.
God Himself divorced Israel, so clearly divorce itself is not sin and not what God hates other wise we have God contradicting Himself by doing something He is claimed to have commanded against. It is treacherous, unjust divorce without a cause for the most selfish reasons that seems to be in view here. I am sure we have all known of men who began sleeping with a 20 something nurse, dumping his faithful wife who sacrificed and worked menial jobs to help pay for his med school whilst also raising their children, keeping a lovely home, etc. Suddenly she wasn`t good enough, was beneath him, was the despised partner he had outgrown and was now holding mr. up and coming big man back. I believe this passage is referring to exactly this kind of thing.
Please check out a online ministry called divorce hope. This will not put you under condemnation. Make sure you read the bit on the lost truth. I Corinthians 7v27to28 will really help you as it covers divorce and remarriage. I am divorced and remarried. I understand how you feel. Even check out Grace to You on line teachings about this. They will surprise you also. The Gospel is Good News. This applies to people like you as well. I am not advising you to remarry but believe you can and that the Bible when studied properly teaches so. Try Divorce Hope and you will see how this is true from the Scriptures. Your brother Paul from Ireland.
(ZAMBIA) Don’t marry in order to be happy. It just doesn’t work, because we are supposed (as born again children of God) to be happy in all situations. Our happiness or joy is from inside and not outside. If you want to be happy because of marriage then your happiness is temporal. You are letting someone to make you happy. This kind of happiness is from outside and doesn’t last. Marry for the right reasons.
(USA) I am in the middle of a divorce with my wife of almost 5 years. I have been a selfish person in our marriage, insensitive to my wife’s needs and have not been what you would call the protector and leader of my family. I have battled a pornography addiction that I hid from my wife due to shame and embarrassment. I confessed the addiction to my wife and have turned the other cheek on sexual immorality and have dedicated my time to growing with God into the man I need to be.
I believe that my wife and I will get back together when the time is right and have a new strong marriage that is open, honest and caring. I want to give my everything for her. Love is measured by sacrifice and I intend to sacrifice all I can to show my dedication to her. The lord will rebuild what has crumbled to the ground into a strong fruitful fortress. Only by God’s grace, guidance and mercy will I overcome this and glorify Him by my fruits! I have committed to love my wife as Christ loves the church. Christ’s love prevails even under rejection, and so shall mine. Amen
(USA) I am married to the man of my dreams and I am his second wife. His first wife left him and did not want to work things out. HE went to her to work thing out and be a family. But she wanted to leave, so she left. Now she is using the Bible verse and telling him that she is still his wife. But she walked out and she is not nice to him. They have a son and is keeping him away from his father.
(USA) Hi, I’m a widower who was married for 39 years before my wife died of cancer. We had a loving marriage. I still love her. Even though she developed an addiction to gambling late in our marriage and lost a great deal of money, I’ve forgiven her.
I have met a wonderful Christian lady who is divorced because her husband cheated on her. We have fantastic times together and we’re very close. I’ve made the decision not to have sex and she supports that decision even though at times it’s extremely hard. She tells me she will not leave me and wants me and to leave her would be my decision, but she is very afraid of failing this time around if we were to marry.
She met another person before me. He wanted marriage but she wouldn’t make a commitment to him because of the failure thing and feels that God caused their breakup because of mistakes they made. She does acknowledge her failures in her other marriage.
What can I do to help her get over this idea of failure? I do love her with all of my heart and would marry her if she said yes. I’ve prayed for direction on this matter and the answer always leads me back to her. I feel God is pointing me in her direction. What guidance and Biblical verses do you have for my situation? Thank You.
Wayne, She’s not ready to marry you (or possibly anyone) yet, if ever. If she lives in fear of failure, she has some work to do. It’s not that she shouldn’t be cautious because of what happened in the past, but “perfect love casts out fear.” It’s not that you will ever have a “perfect love” together, but she needs to let go in some ways and put some trust into your relationship. If she can’t do that at some point, she shouldn’t marry you. Your lives together would be too difficult because of the fear thing and failure thing hanging over your relationship.
I HIGHLY recommend that IF she loves you enough to consider the possibility of marriage, that she goes to a good counselor. She has some business with her past that she needs to work through. While she’s with this counselor, it also would be good for her to work through some of her issues –some of the areas of weaknesses (that showed up in the “mistakes” she made) that could be problematic if she marries –whether she ever marries you or not. If she won’t do this, then I’m thinking she is stuck and she also wouldn’t work on issues AFTER marriage, either. A person who truly wants a marriage to work will do what it takes to fix her or his end of things. If she doesn’t have the strength to work on the issues you’ve mentioned, then her next marriage will most likely fail too.
When I got serious about making my marriage work, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to get it there. Those who view marriage as a sacred commitment –one for grown-ups, would do the same thing. Children and those who approach matters less maturely hold back. She may be a GREAT gal. But she may be so damaged and stuck there, that she just won’t budge. That’s sad… truly sad because living as a victim is no way to proceed through life. You can’t rescue her or dream that she will overcome her past on her own. At this point, you are made aware that there ARE problems plaguing her from her past. They need to be put to rest –not covered over, or reasoned away until later when they rear their ugly heads again. And they will; you can count on it.
Either she doesn’t love you enough to marry you and her past is an excuse, or she doesn’t want to marry anyone again and anyone who dates her needs to face that as a fact. And if she DOES love you enough to marry you, but her past is holding her back, then she needs to put the work into being able to leave her past behind in HEALTHY ways. If she’s willing, then you may need to go in for some of the counseling sessions with her. Perhaps the two of you will need to do some work together and make sure BOTH of you are truly ready to for marriage together.
We have a lot of marriage preparation tools and remarriage questions, quotes and articles posted on our web site that could help you with some of this as you honestly work through it together. Some of it is for those who have never been married before, but you can glean through that and adapt it to apply to your future life together. Marriage is great (as you know) but it’s also difficult (as you know) and those who marry in this very unfriendly world for marriages needs to do their due-diligence in going forth as prepared as possible. This gal’s willingness to do what I’ve proposed will tell you whether or not she will be a good partner in marriage –working WITH you, or if she’s someone who is satisfied with burying her head in the sand and in essence, hoping the bad stuff will go away on it’s own. It won’t and if she’s not willing to work WITH you on this, then she will not make a good partner –a good marital team mate. I hope this helps Wayne. I’m sorry about your first wife and I’m sorry about this situation, which is obviously bothering you. I pray the Lord helps you, guides you, and gives you hope for a good future, with or without this woman. May you be blessed.
Re-married 3 years ago and striving towards making the best…….
I just divorced today and my heart is telling me I should not give up on my marriage. That God will restore my marriage. My husband cheated on me and I forgave him but he continued. I knew I had the right to divorce but I love him so much. But after all that he asked for the divorce and with some stupid reasons as “money transparency, education of the kids we don’t even have and women rights (I am so submissive, not enough independence where he does not pay me anything like clothes, nails, hair, fuel; just food and roof)”
I think he was feeling trapped in this marriage whereas he wanted to sleep around. After all this betrayal I still love him and all my friends and my family think that I am crazy to love him and paray for him after all he did to me. I want God to restore my marriage. He is my soulmate and I will pray for him to find God. He does not believe in God but I know one day he will come back to me as a believer. What do you think? Should I move on? Or my love for him will move mountains! Thank you.
Interested in a widow who is smart enough to handle day to day routine life who supports and cares about me. This is the same thing I would follow in response to her.
Dear Zubair, I’m sorry to tell you that we don’t connect people to date or marry each other. This isn’t a dating web site. But you can post this request on the Prayer Wall that we make available on the Home Page of this web site. This way people will help you to pray that God would help you to find this type of widow.
Hi, I am 30 years old and am separated with my husband for the following reasons:
1. I married without understanding what marriage and love was about at age 20. I just want to be married.
2. Two months later my husband and I discovered that he was sterile but I stayed with him praying and hoping for a miracle. After four years of no results I become inpatient. I committed adultery and had our son, which I later confessed to him because of feeling guilty. He forgave me, so he said, but he changed. He stopped having sex with me and providing for us for about 4 years. I gave into passion with one of my colleagues and had sex with him. Then, I fell out of love with my husband and we started fighting, so I left the house.
3. His family doesn’t want me back. Now, I want to remarry but I don’t know if that will be possible and if God will punish me for cheating on my husband. I’m actually sorry for all I did to him. Sometimes I feel like going back to my husband but I still want more children and he can’t give me children and good sex. I am confused. Please, I need your help.
Hello Avatom Z. It took some guts to admit your sin openly here. That’s part of what is causing confusion for you. Sin is deceitful and leads us to think we are getting something good if we gratify it but it actually deals death. Scripture says that ” the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord”. It sounds as if you are living by the flesh. When we live like that, that is by the sinful nature, our lives are directed by whatever we want or feel, whatever urge or desire is important to us, without regard to God or others.
Jesus offers to forgive us our sin, and give us a new nature and new heart if we turn to Him in repentance. Then we do not have to be controlled by the sinful nature and wind up making choices that devastate others and us and leave us with a mess on our hands.
What I would urge you to do, is to go to God and confess to Him that you realize that you justified making sinful choices that have brought great harm to your marriage, and yourself and your husband. Confess to Jesus that you have up til now lived for yourself and been your own god but you are done with that and surrender your life to His Lordship. Begin praying for your husband and asking God to speak to his heart. Openly acknowledge to him that your actions were selfish, terrible and hurtful and that you deeply regret them. At some point you will likely have to deal with his family, who you have given good reason to see you as a detriment . But God is able, through you patiently trusting Him to eventually change that, if you trust and obey.
As for your desire for children, that is a right desire. Perhaps there are medical interventions that can be pursued. Or perhaps God wants you to give an orphan a home. The thing is to seek God for what HIS will is for you.
I frankly confess that when we really really want something that it can be hard to trust God with that desire. But you need to know that scripture says God will withhold no good thing from those that love Him. He knows us better than we know ourselves . There were things in my life that were such intense desires for me, that were so important to me that my whole inner being was wrapped around them, that when I couldn’t have them, I rationalized wilfully pursuing those things with someone else and ended my marriage.
I also got married in my early twenties and basically thought marriage was something that was supposed to meet your emotional needs, make you feel good about yourself and make you happy. I had no understanding of marriage, of how its a covenant God enters into with us and how he joins us to our husband as one flesh, a joining that is not broken by divorce but only by death of one of the partners. I had no knowledge of how God views covenants esp. ones He enters into.
My marriage was pretty miserable because frankly I had jerks for inlaws who were intent on controlling everything and everyone and capable of creating chaos and uproar if thwarted. My husband routinely did things that really insulted and hurt me. He was idolatrous with his family and didn’t stand with me until I threatened to leave.
I also had sexual issues from years of abuse growing up which meant that he wasn’t getting satisfaction. Eventually he met a woman who flattered him and offered him something better, which was fine with me because I hated him. I had no insight into how my background was contributing to my perspectives and responses. So I divorced him and immediately got involved with another man.
We married and it was miserable. The same old issues came up in this marriage. My second husband was willful and selfishly immature too and I fell back into old patterns and character habits. The entire time I was in this new relationship I suffered torment and misery, spriritual oppression. I think that was because scripture says that divorcing and remarrying is adultery. I actually am more convinced that when Jesus said, “except for fornication” he was referring to the betrothal period prior to consummation not a consummated marriage. Translators over the years have changed the meaning of pornea to encompass the general term sexual immorality but in fact prior to this, pornea/fornication always meant sexually immoral behaviour committed by unmarried persons.
There is an example of this very thing with Joseph and Mary. Mary is referred to as Joseph’s wife though they have not come together sexually yet. When Joseph realizes she is pregnant, he knows right away he is not the father and plans to divorce her quietly as he is a just man. The only mention of an exception is found in this story in Matthew which is to the Jews, who had the betrothal custom. It was binding and took an act of divorcement to break it. Once the marriage was consummated sexually, they were one flesh and could not break wedlock.
As I studied these things, I began to realize I had committed a horrendous sin, using another man to run away from the first and even committing sexual sin. I can testify to you that sin gets us in its grip and addles our brains so that we are unable to perceive reality correctly and have trouble hearing God. There is a verse about the adulteress who is said to eat, wipe her mouth and says she has done no wrong. There is something about the sin of adultery that is so blinding that we can be basically behaving like utterly corrupted wicked people and think we are okay with God and He has no problem with us.
In actual fact, what I did was dump a truckload of hurt on my husband and daughter. My daughter followed my sinful example, marrying and divorcing her husband because he wasn’t doing things HER way, which allowed her to rationalize succumbing to the attentions of a man who had his eye on her. More brokenness, more sin passed on to the next generaton.
Part of the problem today in churches is that we think in terms of ourselves and not God’s kingdom. We have a temporal immediate focus on our own happiness. That allows us to do terrible things blindly because we are deceived and don’t see the big picture.
I’ve shared these things because its going to be tempting for you to think no one understands. I’ve been where you are at and believe me its not worth it to follow that road any longer. It will not give you what you are looking for.
The Bible says, “There is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof is in death.” If you surrender to Christ, it doesn’t guarantee you will get all that you want. But you will be saved and have heaven to look forward to and God will lead You in His will. He can work in your husband’s heart and that of your in laws as well. It may not be according to your ideas of how it should be, but God’s ways are best for us. God can give you a new beginning with Him and a hope and a future if you make Jesus your Lord and saviour. Blessings to you.
Hello, I am a Christian single woman. I am currently dating a divorced man (divorced on the grounds of his ex wife committing adultery). He has tried to reconcile his marriage to his ex wife but failed miserably. When we do consider going into marriage? I just want to know if we’re starting our lives in sin. I especially don’t want to compromise or disobey God. We want to start our lives together right before God – and committing our lives in ministry.