This is an article, which features couples whose marriages were saved and transformed. We asked some of the couples whose marriages were once in crisis and who now serve with us in ministry what they would say to you. Here is what each couple shared.
From: Mark and Debbie
To: The person trying to save a marriage alone
I (Debbie) want to say that if you are working on your marriage with an unwilling spouse, you must not underestimate the power that you have with God by your side. If your spouse is in sin, you don’t need to be his or her judge and jury. When I didn’t want to save our marriage, Mark had to learn to get out of the way so that God could convict me of my hard heart.
Learn to entrust your spouse to God and take care of your own side of the street. Your relationship with your spouse will never be as important as your relationship with God. The truth is, you are not going to heaven with your spouse by your side. You will stand before God on your own.
I (Mark) want to encourage you to pray without ceasing. It is the most powerful weapon you have! So many people forget that, and they get busy trying to play God in their spouses’ lives. I had to learn to entrust Debbie to God, even when I knew she was walking outside of God’s will. If you will reconcile with God first and do what He tells you to do, then when your spouse repents, you will be ready to reconcile. If your spouse never comes on board, then at least you will be able to move on knowing that you did your part.
From: Marion and Jeanne
To: The couple whose marriage is in crisis
We have been married 45 years, but there was a time when we thought our marriage would end in divorce. Even though we were Christians, you would have never known it by the way we behaved toward each other. I (Jeanne) used to secretly wish I could be a “godly widow” so I wouldn’t have to deal with our marital problems anymore. But God had other plans for us. Instead He wanted us to learn to take our focus off each other. We needed to put it where it belonged —on Him.
Jeanne and I (Marion) were married 10 years. We served in our church when our marriage fell into crisis. Neither one of us wanted to work very hard to save the marriage. But because we were Christians we felt that we at least needed to give it a shot. We want to encourage you as a couple to learn to pray together —from your hearts. A counselor taught us how to pray as a couple. Even though in the beginning we used the prayers to give little digs to each other, God used our prayers to reveal years of unresolved issues in our hearts. We never miss a day without praying with and for each other. We are praying for you too.
From: Clint and Penny
To: The couple or individual whose marriage looks hopeless
Nothing is impossible with God. We are grateful that God gave us a second chance when we remarried after being divorced for 11 years. But that wasn’t just something special He reserved for our marriage. As long as your spouse has not remarried, your marriage can still be saved. No matter how hopeless things might seem, stay focused on God and let Him lead you.
Think of your marriage as you would an invitation to a sacred dance with God. What is required on your part is to accept His invitation, take His hand, and let Him lead you out onto the dance floor. There you will apply the steps you’ve been practicing along the way. Sure, some steps will be much harder to take than others. That’s to be expected. There are stumbling blocks in every relationship and there will be times it seems that for every mountaintop you dance on, a valley awaits on the other side.
But remember that no matter how hampered your steps become, do not hesitate for a moment to listen to the music and follow God’s lead in whatever process He uses to mend your marriage. Keep dancing …and know that we’ll be dancing right beside you.
These testimonies (along with a lot of other helpful information) can be found in the book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved: 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship. It is written by Joe and Michelle Williams, published by Tyndale House Publishers. This is a Focus on the Family book which gives “12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship.”
(SOUTH AFRICA) I just want to thank you for including "Clint and Penny" testimony. I too have been divorced going 5 years but 2 and a half years ago I read in the commentries of my Life Application Bible in Matthew 9:23-27 that Jesus can even heal and restore broken marriages. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I’ve been led into earnest intercession for the salvation of my exhusband and felt the special annointing when called to stand in the gap for him. I’m also under the understanding the the Holy Spirit illuminated this piece for me to show me my Abba Father’s heart. Never did I know it could be possible: My God would want to do such a beautiful thing for us? Clint and Penny’s story touched me deeply as I have not remarried, still experiencing deep grieving for my failed marriage. My exhusband has a woman living with him currently. I’m aware circumstances are not aligned but I know with God nothing is impossible. The desire to return and keep my promises not my own. God has taught me much as I sit at His feet reading His Word. Thank you for placing this on the site. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.
(USA) I’m a bit confused as to why in one sentence Clint and Penny profess that nothing is impossible for God and that no situation is hopeless, but then in the next sentence they say " as long as your spouse has not remarried God can restore your marriage" Marriages that are birthed out of adultery are NEVER sanctioned by God. And God is never limited by our sin nor does he cosign to adulterous marriages.
There are so many scriptures where Jesus says that a second marriage is adultery (in the case of sexual immorality). Also, in the book of Ezra, God commanded (not requested) that over 100 priests divorce their foreign wives and return to their "covenant" wives. Not to mention all of the prodigals that went off to get into adulterous marriages, who by the mercy of our Lord their eyes where opened. They ALL admitted that they knew God would never bless those marriages. (Please see Marriage and Divorce web site-Stephen Wilcox.)
They had no peace and the guilt and shame was so overwhelming that they could no longer deny that it was the Holy Spirit convicting them for being in those ungodly marriages. It wasn’t until they returned to their covenant spouses that their relationships were restored to God. There will be no adulterers in heaven!!
If they (Clint and Penny) are referencing Deuteronomy 24, that is when folks were under the law. We are now under grace thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ. Marriage is permanent and God will not be moved by our feelings.
I would like to quickly share a profound dream a prodigal had. Mr. Doe had left his wife for someone else and married that person. A couple of years later God gave him this dream. "He said that he was in church and he noticed his first wife and his son sitting on the other side of the church. Suddenly a loud and thunderous voice said (he knew it was God) "why aren’t you over there with your WIFE and son? Remember he had remarried and it surely wasn’t the other woman in that dream. Well, folks that is how God sees it – not us….Thank you for allowing me to share.
(USA) Coop, I want to thank you for your comments. This is certainly a divine connection that I stumbled upon this site this morning searching for scriptures of healing. After nearly 10 years of marriage my husband decided he wanted a divorce. The divorce has been final for one year and 3 months. I learned Saturday that he had remarried and my heart sank. Through my hurt I know there is nothing too hard for God and I know God does not honor that marriage. I am holding on to the promise God gave me to reconcile this marriage.
I am sorry for the woman he has place in this situation and I pray for her healing. The writing is on the wall that he needs a closer walk with God. Although he is proclaiming that God is calling him to be a minister, clearly his actions are not in alignment with God for such a task. But through all of the pain and heart ache, I am thankful to God because He didn’t let me die when I thought I would. I became so sick and lost such a large amount of weight. I have repented to God for not honoring Him as I should have through my marriage and God has brought me to become an intercessor of prayer. God uses people, circumstances, animals, etc. to allow testing, to stretch our faith. I know the blessing of restoration is on the way.
I remember in Daniel when the angel told him that his prayer was answered when he said it. It took 21 days for the fighting angels with the help of arche angel Michael to get the blessing to Daniel. I will trust in the word of God and wait for the manifestation.
(USA) Amen!!! I’m standing with you in Faith on this and I ask you to stand with me in Faith for my marriage and my husband also.
(GHANA) God will hear your prayers. GOD richly bless you. Keep holding on.
Hi my name is Tammy… PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! For my beloved husband. He thinks divorce is the answer for our marriage when God has opened the door for restoration to begin after a 2 year separation. Help me plead the blood of Jesus…and gain the victory…it aint over until God says it’s over.
(USA) So if we live under grace as you argue, and I don’t disagree, why selectively return to the law with respect to 2nd marriages? We are told in 1 Corinthians if an unbelieving spouse wants to go, we are to let them go and the believer is not bound to that spouse.
Therefore, citing both grace, which you rightfully bring up, and the idea that the believer is not bound, one cannot say all 2nd marriages are sinful.
(USA) Thank God, we don’t live by the Old Testament.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you for this, such an encouragement. My husband is now married to a woman he knew when he was 20 who is older than him. She is divorced with 3 kids. We had been married for 23 years and no kids, he was not able to have children.
I know this marriage he is in is not of God. He lost his father and grief set in, he found comfort in this woman and she knew he had inherited money and she was desperate for someone. My husband’s brother married them and he is a minister. I have been struggling with it for almost 2 months now, trying to understand why he did it? This woman is someone I thought he never liked; his family did not like me and they set him up to meet and marry this woman. I pray for him everyday and I have asked God to protect him. I read this article and this is the work of satan to destroy marriages. Pray that my husband who is brainwashed and controlled by this woman comes to his senses and realises that he made a mistake.
I am divorced. My wife (in God’s eyes) divorced me, but she was committing adultery. I do believe in scripture that if she remarries she will be in adultery and cause the other, whether born again or not to be in adultery. She hasn’t remarried. I do take comfort in the story because I know that there is hope always, but even more cause she is trying to return to God, (please pray for us to reconcile). I have gotten in the Lord’s way by trying to fix it, but I take great encouragement from Debbie to entrust her to God and work on me to be more intimate with God and be ready for her return. I have already in my heart forgiven her. Thank you.
Thank you for expressing God’s truth about remarriage being adultery. So many cannot see what is so clear. Luke 16:18; Matthew 5:32; Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Cor. 6:9; 1 Cor. 7:11. God desires reconciliation of the covenant marriage and without reconciliation the divorced parties must remain single. Praise God!
(US) Hi Coop. That message to the preacher was pretty deep and it just goes to show that God is alive and well and the Christian marriage is holy to him. He doesn’t take it lightly when someone sins, and wrongfully leaves the marriage. Thanks for sharing that. God bless!
(UNITED STATES) It says in the Bible that we are free if our spouse has committed adultery, or if we are married to someone who is unevenly yoked (non believer). We aren’t going to hell for a second marriage. We shouldn’t judge anyone for trying to save a second marriage. The marriage is also doomed for abuse. Jesus gave us strict rules of how we are to act when we get married, and that also applies to second, third and so on. Each marriage is holy.
Please advise as to where there is Scripture that states what you are affirming. A marriage vow with God and your spouse is a covenant, not a contract. Matthew 19:6 states we become one flesh, unseparable except by death. (Remember the vow says untilmdeath do we part.) Malachi 2:14-16 states God hates divorce and the marriage is a covenant. We are held to our marriage vow until death, therefore taking a second vow while your spouse is alive is adultery, punishable by eternity in hell. Rev. 21:8; Galatains 5:19-21; 1 Cor. 6:9; Luke 16:18. God’s words, not mine. Blessings.
(USA) De De, I don’t think scriptures releases someone married to an unbeliever.
In 1 Corinthians "10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? "
The believing spouse is never given the OK to choose to divorce an unbelieving spouse. I think if they go, we are to let them go, and we are not bound. However, I don’t think we as believers are called to divorce anyone.
I would give the same advice to the abused or betrayed. Go to safety, but don’t choose divorce if you are a believer. If the offending spouse wants to end the marriage, there is little you can do to stop it. But don’t choose divorce.
As an aside, what good does no-fault divorce do? I hear abuse being cited as the reason we need no-fault divorce.
We don’t need NFD to deal with abuse. We need folks who will stand up and tell the community that this person is an abuser. NFD doesn’t do that. If they will not end their abusive behavior, divorce is not what you need to give them, but some time in jail until they learn to behave in a more appropriate manner.
NFD is a co-out. If a person is behaving badly, and won’t stop, prosecute them, don’t just divorce them so that someone else ends up with the abuser.
(UNITED STATES) I agree with you Tony. But by the same token, I think we are over looking something that was also written in those same scriptures…that was not the Lord speaking…
Look at what is in parenthesis:
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? "……..
That is not the lord speaking…that is Paul, who never married …and given by his remarks embedded in between what the Lord is saying throughout that whole chapter on marriage…he does not favor marriage in the first place; because he wants to serve the lord with no wife or children to interfere with his focus. He wants to be alone. Paul acknowledges what he said shown here and what the Lord said in 1 Corinthians 10-11….my husband is trying to use this same scripture as a way to divorce me.
Just real quick. All scripture is inspired by the holy spirit. We should take it as more than just good advice. If Paul is telling us something to do then we should follow it. Again because the holy spirit inspired Paul to say it. To the lady whose husband is using it to divorce…is he a believer? Because he shouldn’t use that as a way out. See, divorce was only permitted by Moses, because the heart would become hardened making it hard to reconcile and forgive and work it out. With God it’s not so, his intentions are not to divorce, God hates divorce. His intentions are by death do you part, and are free, to remarry.
(USA) The second or more marriage is a hot debate. There is no scripture that really allows for second or more marriages. I think there is forgiveness if you have already done such sins but if you leave your spouse for someone else and they are praying for you to return or if you marry someone who has someone praying for them to return that marriage you entered into is not holy nor will it ever be. That is a lie from the devil that once a divorce and another marriage is on paper that that new marriage is God’s desire.
Only if both parties have forsaken their marriage and remarried does the covenant completely break and even then that is debatable because there is no clear scripture to back that theory. The escape clause of adultery is widely misused. This refers to the engagement period of Jews. If adultery happens in that engagement period it allows for divorce but even then Jesus goes back to the creation example. Mark and Luke both leave out this exception clause.
Also, even still with the exception clause there is no mention of allowed for the divorced to remarry. Paul says a divorced women is to stay unmarried or to be reconciled to her husband. God knows there are times when we must separate such as for safety reasons and due to our lack of knowledge we may make many mistakes before we understand these principles. That’s where grace comes in. The Bible also says to forgive someone over and over and over. I don’t personally believe there is a reason for a divorce because God is expecting us to learn to forgive over and over and over.
(USA) God permits divorce in cases of adultery. Deuteronomy 24 says if a man writes a certificate of divorce and his former wife remarries and the new husband dies the first husband is not to remarry his former wife (this is a paraphrase). So once either of them marries someone else, no way should you remarry your first spouse.
(US) I am hurt. My husband and I have been separated for 1 year, and he has filed for divorce. He stepped out of the marriage, and does not want to work on our marriage. He will not talk to me and he is not nice at all. How do I hold on and stand for my marriage when he does not want the marriage?
(USA) Denise, You pray! Stand on the scriptures. Seek God’s face. There is nothing too hard for God. I keep myself encouraged by reading and applying God’s word to my life. Find a christian counselor to help you through this difficult time. It is very hard but God is with you always.
(FJ) Denise, I know how you feel as I went through the same pain that you are going thru. Only thing for you to do now is pray and have faith. What God has joined together, let no man separate. Look for a prayer partner and pray with her and cry out onto the Lord and pour out your problem to Him, and forgive your husband for what he is doing to you because GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU, THAN HE IS IN THE WORLD. The devil is a liar and a deceiver. In Romans, if God is for us who can be against us? It is my prayer that your marriage is restored and you find happiness with our Maker and Saviour of all our iniquities, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Hi there, my name is Steve. Me and my wife Darlene were married for 18 years going on 19 this July and I’m going through a divorce. We had some problems in the past because I used to drink and we had fights and now she is not happy with me. She had an affair with someone else. I forgave her and am ready to move on but she doesn’t want to. I filed for a divorce before and she came back saying that she wanted to work it out and 2 weeks later she says that she doesn’t want it any more. I find myself filing for another divorce and I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I love her so much and it hurts because she doesn’t even talk to me as much anymore; I don’t know what to do. We are Hindu but I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into my heart and I’m going to church on Sunday for the first time. I miss her so much and I need advice and help really bad. I don’t want to go through with the divorce. If someone has anything to say, tell me what to do, please; I’m pleading.
Hello Steve, I feel your pain. You must not go on with the divorce. The devil is a liar and the father of all lies. A marriage of 18yrs is what the enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy. You must not allow it. ”Be alert, be on the watch! Your enemy the devil prowls around like a wounded lion seeking for whom to devour. ‘1 Peter5:8-9. Divorce is never an option. I congratulate you and welcome you into the fold of God’s children who have been cleansed with the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ. Go to church. Talk to a Christian marriage counsellor and most importantly, continue in your walk with Jesus Christ, your new Love. Make Christ the Lord of your life, pray for your wife and watch the miracle of your life unfold. God loves you so much that He permitted these series of events in your marriage in order to draw you to His son Jesus. You are a conqueror already. Take your mind off your wife except when you pray for her, don’t dwell on your problems anymore. Just focus on your relationship with Jesus Christ. Your wife will come home to you, a changed woman. Take this assurance to the bank because I know that our God is able to do exceedingly much more than we ask of Him. Trust the Lord for He knows what He is doing. I have been married for 17yrs but presently separated from my husband for some months now but I have entrusted it to God and I know that the same Jesus who raised Lazarus from the dead will revive and restore my marriage. I urge you to join me in keeping faith. God never fails.
(USA) I have my own situation and in need of help. I recently learned my wife has been unfaithful to me, but by my own blind doing. I neglected her and she shought that emotional bond with someone else. Here I thought everything was okay and it wasn’t. We are both Christians and I have asked God to forgive me, but this has been an issue before and I haven’t changed. I’ve never cheated on her, except “emotional” cheating i.e. putting other things in front of her. I starved her and she found it somewhere else.
She says she loves me but is no longer in love with me and wants to be with this other person. I understand I am to blame, but I also don’t want her living in sin. I really don’t want a divorce and I do love her, I was just sooo stupid in my ways; she doesn’t feel that things will change with us or I will change and wants out cause this other man says he will take care of her. What am I to do? I have been going through this heart break and trying to put it in God’s hands but I will admit it’s hard.
(UNITED STATES) I am going through something similar except I committed adultery but she doesn’t know it. She wants a divorce; I don’t. I really love my wife and at one time she really loved me. I took her for granted. I’m using the Scriptures on marriage to try to stop the divorce but she just says now you want to fight for our marriage. I told her if she got remarried that it was adultery. She laughed.
She ran into an old school buddy that is helping her son in his football endeavours. He really likes her and they’ve been out to dinner. I asked if we could still be friends she said she doesn’t think he would like that. So I called her to talk to her because I was hurt. She was firm in her decision. I got angry and called her some terrible things that she doesn’t deserve.
I too, am going through the same thing where my wife cheated on me, divorced me and blames it on me (I do take responsibilty for my part). I’ve learned just recently all the sin she was doing the last two years of marriage. I relate to you because I too neglected my role as spiritual leader. There’s a lot more to the story and it’s very unbiblical, but it happens. She’s real negative toward me with reconciling but I believe through prayer and just loving her (we’re currently living together, have 3 kids) the Lord will bring us back together. Of course I’ve never been through this, so the last 2 years I’ve been hoping. Ive been learning to really trust God in this (it’s extremely hard) and entrust her to God.
(NIGERIA) I have just come in contact with this great site and all the comments so far and the advice is wonderful… Please, I have a challenge also in my relationship/marriage and I guess I need advice also… I am in a marriage for a year now and am pregnant from my husband… Suddenly things became tight for him that we even find it difficult to eat. The little job I am doing, the take home is very small, which of course, I am thankful to God for. I know it is his blessings that makes riches and adds no sorrow…
Because of this hardship, my husband could not pay his house bill and the Landlady issued a quit notice for us to leave the flat. Instead of my husband encouraging me, I do it and yet he is not satisfied with my effort and input… He said he wanted to travel for business and came home and everything about him changed. I am carrying his baby and am about 7 months into my pregnancy… I don’t know what to do. Please advise me… thanks so much. I am looking forward to a favourable reply and answer…. With lv Anita
(USA) Anita, how I love your name — that was my mom’s name. I’m so sorry you are having problems in your marriage so soon — especially with a baby on the way… this should be the most exciting time of your lives together — a time to “build a safe haven” for your little one. But life has a way of throwing us curve balls and when that happens it’s important to do the best you can to react in the healthiest way possible.
As far as what could be happening with your husband, I talked to my husband and he agreed with the following thoughts as to what his thinking process could be. You’ll need to pray to ask God if what I perceive is true. There may be a lot behind the scenes that I don’t know — that could make a difference.
I believe your husband started out thinking marriage wouldn’t be as difficult as it has become. He got caught up in the dream but eventually reality took a big bite out of his dream. He really thought that finances wouldn’t be as much of an issue as they are. Often, a man feels like a loser if he perceives that he’s not able to be a good provider. Instead of reacting in a good way, men often take this kind of thing so personally that they don’t know what to do with their toxic thoughts and so they look for ways to turn around, escape and hide from that which makes them feel defeated. Women, on the other hand, often react differently. A man will push his partner away and a woman will try to draw closer. All of this brings problems.
I BELIEVE the best thing you can do is to try to keep assuring your husband that while things are tough, you believe in him as a husband and believe things will get better. Keep praying, believing and try not to take your husband’s defeatism so personally. Hopefully, he will eventually work this thing out within his mind and actions, but it may not be overnight. Just do all you can to make finances work and don’t allow yourself to lose hope that things will get better. Look for ways to bless your husband and to find blessings behind every cloud.
When the baby is born, try to find ways to make your husband still feel important to you. He might also be struggling with what this baby will do in his standings with you. Men often go through that. Love and care for your baby, but don’t neglect your husband. Ask God for the insight how to do this. It will take intentionality.
This is grow-up time and it will take all of the strength of character possible to get through this situation. Prayerfully, this is just a tough season and with positive intentionality and prayer and answer to prayer, you WILL get through this and will be all the stronger for it. I pray God will abundantly bless your every effort and will light your path as you go along. The name “Anita” means grace and favor. I pray God will give you grace and favor and help you to live out your name. Blessings.
(USA) I haven’t read through all the comments on adultery, second marriages and the outcome of either but I read enough to wonder… 1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” …If it’s true that God forgives us from all unrighteousness and no sins are exempt, then further, if He indeed forgets them according to Micah 7:19 it would seem, since God says in Acts 10:34 “He is no respecter of persons.” Even the adulter in a second marriage has sins which though they “be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow” Isaiah 1:18. If this is true, it would appear that God only sees the adulter in that second marriage as a man or woman married and totally cleansed since the sin is the act of divorce.
It would also make sense that each time this beautifully cleansed saint engages in any part of the marriage where sin continues to exist, each time they go before God as in 1 John 1:9 asking for cleansing once again in that moment he or she will be cleansed and that sin forgotten. Sometime about the second marriage if a perpetual state of sin doesn’t line up with the overarching reality and extent of redemption… perhaps, the complexities that accompany divorce could keep spouses “praying without ceasing”… 1 Thessalonians 5:17 “asking for cleansing” 1 John 1:9 and as they “give thanks in everything for this is the will of God” 1 Thessalonians 5:18… Though the marriage be bore out of a sinful action, divorce, perhaps redemption is large enough to cleanse that sinful act then, while “trusting in the Lord with whole hearts ….He will direct their paths (He will make thy way straight NIV).
Proverbs 3:5-6 …If the sin of divorce is forgiven perhaps such a marriage could be blessed and a more extended healing between all those involved could take place as the divorced couple shared the forgiving power of God… Though a great and complex set of circumstances has been created, as sin will do, redemption perhaps could have even a greater effect on the many involved as the continual sharing of this moment by moment cleansing available to all is shared… I mean, I’m just asking.
Rufaelo, You make a very good Biblical exegesis on the wonderful gift of God’s grace and forgiveness for ALL sins. Here at Marriage Missions International we’re not exactly sure what kind of a response you want. Our web site is not intended to engage in extensive Biblical debate, though certainly people are welcome to post their thoughts and questions.
Second, Christ-followers need to be careful and not think that just because God forgives us that does not mean we are to hold the divorced/remarried couple up as a shining testimony of “God’s picture for marriage.”
God holds us to a higher standard. One example: Look at what happened to Jim Bakker from the PTL Club about 20 years ago when it was revealed he had an affair. His ministry was stripped from him (the consequences of his sin). And while Jim came back with a powerful testimony of the healing/forgiving grace of God, he never positioned himself as an “example” for others to follow.
I hope this provides you with a perspective you may not have considered.
(USA) Jesus said: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery and the man who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Do we understand this today?
Step 1: Divorce Your Spouse
Step 2: Remarry Another Person
Step 3: Commit Adultery
Notice AFTER the wedding they are committing adultery with each other. Notice AFTER the wedding the adultery STARTS. Are they husband and wife? Answer: No. God did not join them at the altar if they are committing adultery that night AFTER they had their wedding ceremony. Remember –it is impossible for a husband and his wife to commit adultery –WITH EACH OTHER. If they were really joined as a husband and wife at their remarriage –Jesus would never have called their sexual relationship AFTER this wedding –adultery.
People go to the courthouse to get divorce papers to get them out of their marriage but the papers obviously don’t work because they are still committing adultery AFTER they’ve done all that. And to commit adultery you need a spouse. Divorce does not make them single if the charge of adultery is still on them AFTER a divorce. “A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives” 1 Corinthians 7:39. Divorce + Remarriage = Adultery (Not a legal marriage in the sight of God).
Remarriage is a DECEPTION. You may be married in the eyes of the state government but you are not married in the eyes of God. When you walk back down the aisle thinking this is your wife, Jesus says you’re committing adultery tonight with this woman.
If Jesus is saying you’re committing adultery with this woman after your wedding ceremony, how can this woman be your wife? When you look at His words closely you understand what He is saying, obviously this is not the man’s wife if after such a wedding he is committing adultery with her. It is God who joins people together in a legitimate marriage and there are some people He won’t join together as a husband and wife. If you leave your spouse to join yourself to another person, God will NOT join you to that person, His Word calls that ADULTERY.
Many people have fallen into this deception. You have to go back 60 years to see the truth being spoken. Do pastors today care enough about the spiritual well-being of their people to address the biggest DECEPTION in the professing church today? Remarriage, which is Adultery, as defined by God.
Do pastors tell their people that if they do decide to divorce their original mate, they cannot marry again without entering into adultery? Read…Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9-10, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:16-18, Romans 7:2-3, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 1 Corinthians 7:10-12. Do they teach single people that it is a sin to marry a divorced person who is STILL another person’s spouse in the eyes of God?
Remarriage puts people in an unlawful/adulterous/not recognized by God marriage according to the words of Jesus Christ. God states that the sexual intercourse of a divorced and remarried couple is adultery. Therefore each time they have sexual intercourse they commit an act of adultery. As they continue to have sexual relations and there is no repentance, it becomes a state of adultery. Therefore, adultery in remarriage is both an act each time it occurs, and a continuing state of sinning. People are deceived and only a few people are telling them the truth. http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html http://www.marriagedivorce.com/
Thank you, Luke. You hit the nail squarely on the head. People tend to rationalise their own wrongdoing (seeing it as wisdom) then they put God’s seal of approval on it after the fact. There is something called a covenant marriage and anything outside it as a counterfeit exactly because it is not God approved. It brings to mind the question – Do we keep sinning so that grace may abound? Does it mean anyone can selfishly leave a godly partner (and children) for the ‘greener grass’ outside and whitewash their adultery by simply marrying the adulterous partner? What justifies the heartache, despair and sorrow that the ‘wife/husband of your youth’ suffers? And because the partner who left is looking in vain for happiness and fulfilment outside, they may keep looking right into a third or fourth marriage. Let us draw nearer to our Lord so he will guide our steps.
(NIGERIA) I am so happy I located this site. I currently have a problem in my marriage of about ten years and I am really trusting for God for a miracle. We had a rough time settling down after our wedding due to the fact the we discovered huge personal and family differences that brought quite the conflict. I did not handle some of the issues well. My husband expected me to be 100% in support of his actions (right and wrong) but I sometimes tried to play diplomacy between him and my family and got my fingers burnt, as this only brought more conflict.
These issues took place over six years ago but he has refused to forgive and forget, despite my apologies. I literally cut off my family, and am struggling to make him happy. No matter what I do now, he is not impressed and calls me a piece of furniture in his house. I have suffered severe verbal and emotional abuse in the past years. He makes it clear that my actions from the past have put me in the situation I am in now and I should just wait and see how things evolve. Despite all this, his expectations for me in caring for his mentally handicapped sibling and filling other roles, has not diminished.
He now has extramarital affairs and seems to be making attempts to move on with someone else (we have lived in separate towns for about 4 years as a result of his work). His only concern with me now is our kids and the whole thing has taken a toll on his Christian life; he does not even go to church or really believe in God anymore.
What do I do now? He does not even feel he owes me an explanation for the affairs though I can rightly predict that if he has to explain, he will tell me I caused it. He is not ready to listen to anyone so all I have been doing is praying. What do you advise?
(UNITED STATES) I want to say thanks to everyone who has poured their hearts about there marriages. I got married in 2009 after being in this relationship with my husband for 9 years. I’m a strong believer in God.
After the first year of our marriage everything was shifting into to place. As the second year starts, I notice that my hubsand started being distant with me. He didn’t want to talk as much so I asked him, was something wrong? He says nothing. One day he ask me to bring him his cell phone as we were leaving the house. I went back in and got the cell phone. But I noticed that he had a missed call and one text massage. I opened up the text which stated, Baby, are you on your way?
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So when I got outside to the car I asked who is this? He stated to me oh, I’m just doing a favor for a co- worker. But I know bettrr. So the distance between us got very distant.
One day I’m on the computer, I go to login in my email when this strange e-mail login pops up. I put my husband’s password in and bingo! The person that had been texting him was someone he was seeing. Later that night I brought it to his attention. He flew off the handle and told me that I had invaded his space.
The next couple of days he tells me he wants to leave. We have been separated for ten months. He now treats me as I was a distant friend. I’m very prayerful and know that God hasn’t forgotten me. This is my first marriage and I don’t see divorce, nor do I see another relationship except with God. Lets keep each other in prayer. Smith22
(USA) James 1:2,3,4 Mt 5:12,13 Acts5:41 we all are His Bride. We must learn to submit to Jesus and rejoice and be glad of that. If the break up of your marriage has driven you to your knees. Rejoice for your true Husband Jesus has given himself for us His bride.
He establishes His church in our hearts! He gave His body as our Savior. Our Husband, Jesus, loves us – his bride. He gave His life for us to make us holy, cleansing us by the washing with water through the word. Our Husband, Jesus, is presenting His Bride as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless! Because our Husband, Jesus, is secure in His identity and secure in His Fathers Love!
Our Husband is free to Love and care for us his bride. Jesus and His bride have become one in body, mind, soul and He guides us with the Holy Spirit! This is good news; the greatest news in all history! So rather than allow the devil to steal, kill, and destroy you! Our Heavenly Father saw fit to send our only TRUE Husband – Jesus Christ to rescue to Himself for all eternity!
Our Abba daddy loves us so so much the High Cost that Jesus paid wont permit any marriage to stand that will risk losing one soul! We must rejoice and shout for Joy and trust our new Gentle Loving Husband Jesus to guide us forward! Shaba thanks Holy Spirit
(KENYA) You know it gives me hope when I read such comments of eventual reconciliation. I lost the woman of my dreams coz I just shut her out of my life and tried to live on my own terms. Now she will not hear a thing a say, she accuses me of infidelity and abuse and guess what folks, I agree I was mean to her and flirted around but I never abused her nor cheated on her. Now she is gone. I pray everyday for a miracle. I am still praying and hoping for it.
For those for whom it hasn’t come this far, please pray it doesn’t. God Bless. MM