This is an article, which features couples whose marriages were saved and transformed. We asked some of the couples whose marriages were once in crisis and who now serve with us in ministry what they would say to you. Here is what each couple shared.
From: Mark and Debbie
To: The person trying to save a marriage alone
I (Debbie) want to say that if you are working on your marriage with an unwilling spouse, you must not underestimate the power that you have with God by your side. If your spouse is in sin, you don’t need to be his or her judge and jury. When I didn’t want to save our marriage, Mark had to learn to get out of the way so that God could convict me of my hard heart.
Learn to entrust your spouse to God and take care of your own side of the street. Your relationship with your spouse will never be as important as your relationship with God. The truth is, you are not going to heaven with your spouse by your side. You will stand before God on your own.
I (Mark) want to encourage you to pray without ceasing. It is the most powerful weapon you have! So many people forget that, and they get busy trying to play God in their spouses’ lives. I had to learn to entrust Debbie to God, even when I knew she was walking outside of God’s will. If you will reconcile with God first and do what He tells you to do, then when your spouse repents, you will be ready to reconcile. If your spouse never comes on board, then at least you will be able to move on knowing that you did your part.
From: Marion and Jeanne
To: The couple whose marriage is in crisis
We have been married 45 years, but there was a time when we thought our marriage would end in divorce. Even though we were Christians, you would have never known it by the way we behaved toward each other. I (Jeanne) used to secretly wish I could be a “godly widow” so I wouldn’t have to deal with our marital problems anymore. But God had other plans for us. Instead He wanted us to learn to take our focus off each other. We needed to put it where it belonged —on Him.
Jeanne and I (Marion) were married 10 years. We served in our church when our marriage fell into crisis. Neither one of us wanted to work very hard to save the marriage. But because we were Christians we felt that we at least needed to give it a shot. We want to encourage you as a couple to learn to pray together —from your hearts. A counselor taught us how to pray as a couple. Even though in the beginning we used the prayers to give little digs to each other, God used our prayers to reveal years of unresolved issues in our hearts. We never miss a day without praying with and for each other. We are praying for you too.
From: Clint and Penny
To: The couple or individual whose marriage looks hopeless
Nothing is impossible with God. We are grateful that God gave us a second chance when we remarried after being divorced for 11 years. But that wasn’t just something special He reserved for our marriage. As long as your spouse has not remarried, your marriage can still be saved. No matter how hopeless things might seem, stay focused on God and let Him lead you.
Think of your marriage as you would an invitation to a sacred dance with God. What is required on your part is to accept His invitation, take His hand, and let Him lead you out onto the dance floor. There you will apply the steps you’ve been practicing along the way. Sure, some steps will be much harder to take than others. That’s to be expected. There are stumbling blocks in every relationship and there will be times it seems that for every mountaintop you dance on, a valley awaits on the other side.
But remember that no matter how hampered your steps become, do not hesitate for a moment to listen to the music and follow God’s lead in whatever process He uses to mend your marriage. Keep dancing …and know that we’ll be dancing right beside you.
These testimonies (along with a lot of other helpful information) can be found in the book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved: 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship. It is written by Joe and Michelle Williams, published by Tyndale House Publishers. This is a Focus on the Family book which gives “12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship.”
(NETHERLANDS) Just wanna say; if you are divorced and your spouse is married again, there is still as much hope for restoration! Even if they get a baby! This marriage of your spouse is not legal in God’s eyes! Bless you!
(UNITED STATES) I am asking God to return my husband that has found someone else and filed for divorce. Our divorce will be final in one month and I don’t want this to happen. I was unfaithful to him and he was to me also. We have been separated for 7 months now.
He has came back to me a couple of times in the last few months but only stayed for 3 days. He ended up going back to his girlfriend and finally moved out of our house. I was unfaithful to him because of his lack of compassion and he was unfaithful because I never wanted to be intimate with him because I was very depressed.
I am so sad now and I want my husband and marriage back. I want to pray to God for a miracle to bring him back before it’s too late. Please help. What should I do? I’m so lost :( Any advice would be appreciated.
(USA) Married for thirty five yrs. My husband walked out 12 yrs ago. I’m still standing! He married the other woman who is much younger! Now his new marriage is falling apart! He feels trapped and does not know what to do! Please pray that he comes home to his wife of his youth!
He has hit rock bottom, lost a million dollar business! Him and his new wife are just living under the same roof! He is trying to work his marriage out. She wants out but, has no where to go because of finances. That’s why they’re are still together! Pray that God will separate them! Thanks, Angie
(UK) I thank God for this web site and I am encouraged because your words assure me of the exhortations in 1 Peter 4:12 and 1 Peter 5:9. I will have been married for 22 years by July 2012. It has not been an easy ride. At the present time, things are so bad and worsened by the fact that my husband is resolute in his unwillingness to be reconciled. He will not seek divorce, but it seems he is doing everything possible to push me to it. (We are both Christians.) I cannot reconcile many of his actions to the word of God. I thank Mark and Debbie for sharing your experience.
We have 3 children aged 20, 17 and 15 and I know all this affects them deeply. I am considering moving out, (not seek a divorce) if this will help me get out of God’s way and seek healing for a lot of emotional pain. I truly want to honour God and I can say with all sincerity that He has been faithful. My main purpose is to bring glory to God. Please help me.
(NIGERIA) Am grateful I came in contact with this site, especially now. Please, I wish to know if it is Godly (God’s will) for a man to marry a woman older than him. Is it biblical? Kindly explain with scriptural backing. I am in a dilema presently. Thanks
Johnsonbam, I don’t have scriptures to say that a man can marry a woman that’s older than him and I don’t have scriptures that says that he can’t. There are some incidences where you won’t find scriptures to give literal “permission” one way or another. But you will find scriptures that tell you of the importance of your decisions. In this case, it would be those that emphasize the importance of who you marry and are to cleave to. Just make sure that you and this woman realize the importance of marriage. It is a living symbol of Christ’s love for the church. It’s supposed to be a sacred union where you partner in such a way that her concerns become yours and your concerns become hers. I hope you both will take this as seriously as God does. Otherwise, you shouldn’t marry.
(USA) My ex husband is unsaved and he divorced me after 10 years of marriage. I am a Christian. I am believing that God will save him and restore our marriage.
(UNITED STATES) Hi, I’ve learned a lot from this site! My name is Flo and it has been about 9 yrs since I divorced my husband. Now I’ve come to realize divorcing my now x-husband was not approved by God when I thought God gave me the ok to divorce him. He married the woman and is in an adulterous marriage. I’m still single and I’m prayerfully asking God for direction. I never knew divorcing him was not of God @ the time because I was devastated. We are both born again believers and got saved together before we married. Now what? He pretends he doesn’t know God isn’t in that marriage but deep inside he knows. This is his 3rd marriage and his 1st marriage was at 19 I think. But she has married and they weren’t believers. I want to b right with God. What should I do?
(USA) My first wife died after 22 years of marriage. We had a great marriage and I thank God for allowing me to have what we shared during those 22 years of marriage. 14 months after my first wife’s death, I remarried. We were married for one year 1 month and 11 days. We were divorced 1 month and 11 days after I left her. I am a believer and follower of Christ, but find myself in a depressed state trying to find God’s direction. My second wife has been married twice before and she divorced them because of infidelity. I was her third marriage. I was the one who left her; she did not want the divorce.
We did not divorce because of infidelity, we just were not getting along. I find myself in this time of reflection, where I made a mistake by leaving her. The Lord Jesus is showing me where I went wrong in the marriage. I am trying to improve my relationship with Christ during this time. During our marriage we went to counseling. We found out we were a conflicted couple type, the highest rating of couples that end up in divorce. I am wanting to reconcile, but because of her hurt and pain, I do not believe she will reconcile. I have sent her several emails to let her know I am thinking about her, but she has not responded. We have been apart for approximately 4 months.
I am hurting because the love I have for her has grown during this time of being apart. I miss her so much and want to talk to her. I am not sure how to start a reconciliation process with her because of hurt and pain. I know there is still hope and I am working on me so that if God does soften her heart. I will be ready to fight the right fight and not a fight against her. I was so blind, that I could not see what the enemy was doing to her and me. Please pray for me that God will grant me His wisdom during this time of reflection and that He will show me the process to reconcile with my wife. Please pray that I will become the husband she needs me to be and not what I think I should be.
By the way, she does not know I want to reconcile. I am not sure she wants to her that right now. Any input or help here would be greatly appreciated.
(INDIA) I am also facing the same. My husband wants divorce??? I don’t want it. What am I to do?
(INDIA) Hi, I’m really shattered and need your help. My marriage is on the verge of separation. We have been married for two years and presently I’m pregnant. Our main problems were due to interference of his parents. We have been living separate for the past 4 months. As my due date is approaching closer, I’m getting quite tense as what will happen next. My husband is set for divorce and has no bond even with the baby as he has never called me from the day I left his home. What to do to save my marriage? Please help :(
Dear Deep, I’m so sorry for the painful time you are encountering in your marriage. You ask for help, but I’m not sure how we can help. I/we really don’t know the details of what is going on and even if we did, I’m not sure of how we can help. You say that your main problems are “due to interference of his parents.” If he is more willing to listen and follow the leading of his parents than he is on honoring you as his wife, then there is little we can do to “help.”
Right now, it would seem that the best thing you can do is concentrate on your baby. Do what it takes to provide for this child financially, and all other ways. It seems as if your husband has abandoned his responsibilities in loving and nurturing this child. That will make it all the more difficult for you, but now impossible. Pray, seek to work on your own issues, and try not to get too melancholy (to the best of your ability) so that you don’t project this upon the baby growing within you. This child will need at least one emotionally healthy parent. It seems like right now you are the one to do this. Hope and pray that your husband, the father of your child, will eventually wake up and find the desire to participate in loving you and this baby. All you can do is the best YOU can do and hope that it inspires your husband to eventually do his best, as well. I hope so and pray to that end.
(INDIA) Thanks for your reply. I would like to add on that recently I got to know from someone that his father expired after the suffering of cancer for 14 years. My husband didn’t even tell me so and I didn’t call our family on his funeral. He is blaming me for the same as I didn’t visit his father when he was in critical condition.
I didn’t go there because even earlier we had lots of friction in our relationship. Whenever I used to go to his home, after staying at my parents for long, he used to say me that ‘I haven’t given you an invitation to be back.’ So this time I was afraid of his remarks like that. I don’t know why I am feeling guilty about his father’s death. I want my husband back but I don’t know what to do??? Suggest to me something. I know he is totally in the clutches of my mother in law and sister in law. They don’t want me to be back in his life again :(
(USA) I was with my husband for 20 years. We met when I was 16, I married at 23 and we had 2 beautiful children together. He started an affair in 2010 and filed for divorce in July 2011. I tried for a year to save the marriage but the hurtful behavior continued and he became verbally abusive. I prayed non stop and searched the scriptures, unsure whether to stay. At one point, God seemed to impress on me “no weapon formed against you will prosper”, validating my suspicion he was committing adultery and this woman was pressing him to divorce me.
In the end it was too much for me as I was emotionally exhausted fighting what seemed a losing battle. He wouldn’t go to counseling or give up this woman, leaving me for 5 weeks to see her out of the country. Yet I kept trying to stay, for my kids. I signed the divorce papers at 36, but he said he was putting the divorce on hold, then showed up and divorced me. I was so angry and hurt. He then went out of he country after for 3 weeks. I was sure he had married her. Nonetheless I kept praying. God impressed on my heart “be still and know I am God.”
When he returned he was genuinely sorry for all his actions. Now, my trust in him is shattered, but he is showing signs of an interest in reconciliation. I put it in God’s hands for healing. Nothing is impossible with God.
(USA) Melissa, If we don’t live by the “Old Testament” why is it a part of the Bible? The “New Covenant” wasn’t written until many years after those things took place, so Paul and James, and John, Mark etc… teachings was from the “Older Covenant” not to be mis-understood as replaced covenant by any means. Bless you my sister.
(USA) The OT was written before Christ came, all were under THE LAW so it was Direction for the Jews. The NT was written to the Gentiles, after The Law, when the Gospel which is Christ was made know to all and under “Grace”. We are still meant to follow the Commandments, they are elementary to all yet so many just use them as excuses.
As Daniel and Revelation are replicates of each other. Daniel is what’s to come, Revelation is what John saw when God transporeted him in time. We are coming upon it soon, I believe. Based on The Word which is Christ. Just be ready <3
(USA) Lord, I’m lost and tired. I’m really trying to work with my husband who hasn’t forgiven me for some situations and accusations I made. I’m trying everything but he continues to say he is still angry and rejects me physically, emotionally, and is verbally abusive and controlling. I’m doing everything but it’s not good enough. When is enough enough? I tell him he is breaking me and his comments are deal with it or leave.
I love my husband but it’s hurting and I need something, God. Sometimes I just wish I could die because whatever I did God is punishing me. I try to be strong but how can I feel loved here on earth from my husband? Help me focus on you God, so I can make it through this trial. I want to quit but I need strength and wisdom to do your will. What did I do to deserve this Lord? Please help; I’m tired of crying. My Mom is gone and I feel lonely and lost. I really can’t tell anyone about my hubby because I know they will hold it against him once we get out of this. The marriage counselor we met with briefly stated he is who he is and I need to just not talk to him now; he is angry and won’t recieve it. Please help me, I’m lost confused and feeling hopeless.
(PHILIPPINES) Please help me pray for myself, my husband most especially, and for the restoration of our marriage. Years ago, I cheated on my husband… just really tempted by Satan. The relationship ended after almost 2 years. I know it was wrong and a sin and even then, I really didn’t want to have a broken home so I’m glad that it was over. My husband knew about it because somebody told him. When he confronted me, more than 2 years ago, I had no choice but to admit to him because I don’t want to make a lie and make another sin. That devastated him so much but he stayed after I asked for forgiveness. I thought we were already ok.
Then a month ago, he told me that he wants his freedom because he is no longer happy with me and he already loves somebody else. He said he can’t forget what I did and can’t forgive me totally yet. He wants us to separate but we will be civil for the kids. He will support the kids and will visit us regularly for the kids. We both love our kids. They are our top priority but he wants to be with the other girl already. I can’t argue with him because he always tells me that it is all my fault.
Now, I went back to the Lord and started to renew my relationship with him. I admit that this is my fault. I’ve asked for forgiveness already and I know that I’m already forgiven. I have learned to let go of our problem and will let God fix it. I can no longer fix it. My husband is already fixed with his decision. He doesn’t want to listen about what the Bible says. I know that I should start now to seek Him first and His kingdom and all the other things will be added unto me in His own perfect time. I trust in His promises that what God has joined together, let no man separate. I trust that in due time God will touch the heart of my husband and change his decisions and He will let him go back to me as his wife and to our family.
I really need all your help in prayers, please. I love my husband and I’m determined to change and persevere to win this battle, otherwise the Satan will win. I will stand for my marriage no matter what other people will say, no matter what my husband will say. I owe it to God who joined us and who created us. God bless everyone!