Do you feel hopeless and helpless in trying to save your marriage? Do you long to read and view marriage testimonies where the couples come out on the good side, rather than the bad?
This goes along with something that Gary Thomas wrote:
“We need stories for couples who struggle, persevere, and come out on the other side; I recount a lot of those kinds of stories in Sacred Marriage. But we also need stories of couples who find the “sweet, happy spot” of marriage.” (From the book, “Cherish”)
We agree.
Save Marriage Testimonies Needed
“There can come a point in any marriage when you get fed up. You’ve lost patience with waiting to see some kind of change in your spouse. You’ve forgiven again and again; and you’re weary of the struggle. You’re through with trying to make things better. Additionally, you’re tired of being hurt over and over and waiting for a breakthrough that never comes.
“The years have taken their toll, and you subconsciously (or consciously) decide you are not going to try anymore. You no longer feel love for your husband (wife) the way you did, and you don’t even care about getting it back.
“This can happen in any marriage where one spouse is working to make things better and the other isn’t trying at all. Your heart can grow cold and hard like a stone; and it will seem as if the love you once had has died. But the good news is that God has the power to completely turn things around. He is the God of miracles and restoration who makes all things new. Jesus —the ultimate source of resurrection power —can resurrect love that has died and soften your heart toward your spouse. He can also bring your marriage to life again.” (Stormie Omartian, from the book, “Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage”)
And that is what we want to show you here in this topic. Marriages CAN be restored. We’re not saying that everyone’s marriage will be restored. But it gives hope. And with hope, faith, and following God’s lead, it’s amazing what can happen.
So, the following are “Real Life” testimonies from people who have fought to save their marriages who have experienced God’s special touch in their marriages and circumstances. We believe you will be encouraged and find hope for yourself through reading them.
Marriage Testimonies:
• WHY I STAYED: A Wife’s Focus on God Saves Her Marriage
• HOPE FOR THE HOPELESS MARRIAGE
• HER HUSBAND WOULDN’T SPEAK TO HER FOR 3 YEARS
Plus:
• I REALIZED I WAS WRONG AND THAT I WAS A BAD HUSBAND
• THE NIGHT MY MARRIAGE ALMOST ENDED
Also:
• GOD CAN RESURRECT YOUR MARRIAGE FROM THE ASHES
• MARRIAGE PUT BACK TOGETHER AFTER DIVORCE
• MARRIAGE RESTORED AND HUSBAND AND DAD FORGIVEN
In Addition:
• 3 COUPLES WHOSE MARRIAGES WERE SAVED
• HOW TRUSTING GOD HEALED MY MARRIAGE
• RESTORED MARRIAGE TESTIMONIES
Video Clips &/or Written of Testimonies of Marriages That Were Saved:
• FUNNY HOW GOD CAN CHANGE A MARRIAGE
• BOB AND CHARLYNE STEINKAMP: Testimony of Marriage Restoration – Part 1
• BOB AND CHARLYNE STEINKAMP: Testimony – Part 2
Additionally:
• THE ANDERSONS: Her Affair Destroyed (and Saved) Their Marriage
• THE STEWARTS: Re-Married, For Better or Worse
• SCORNED WIFE HOLDS UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND’S LIFE
And:
• THE AGOSTOS: A Marriage Revival
• ROSCO & AMY BACKUS: Striking Out at Home
• THE BRYANTS: A Christmas Miracle of Marriage Restoration
And There’s More:
• THE BUNSES: Once Upon a Broken Marriage
• DAVID CARON: Reality Check at Death’s Door
• THE FOREHANDS: Inside a Stained Glass Marriage
Plus:
• STEVE AND TERRY HAYES: Marriage Do-Over
• THE SCRUGGS: In Love with My Ex
And:
• THE HAPPOLDTS: Happily Married At Last!
• PAT and GAYLE: Warming a Cold Marriage With Hope
Lastly:
• BRANDIE AND DUSTIN: Finding Love in a Destroyed Marriage
• DAVE AND KIRSTEN: God Restored Our Marriage
If God has done a special work in your marriage that could encourage others, we want to hear from you. Please share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section. Click on “Contact Us” and write your testimony there.
(ZIMBABWE) Have been married for two years and with the belief that"Love conquers all" innocently fell a victim to the scum of betrayal and hurt by my husband. I am not saying I myself am perfect. After he moved to work abroad and started having affairs he has finally pushed for a divorce. Though hurt, I believe the LORD wants me to look at the positive side. He may be HIV positive or if not now, with that promiscuous behavior, it will only be a matter of time.
I really prayed and fasted for the saving of my marriage but now have finally come to the acceptance level that the LORD is truly with me. He might not send a donkey to talk as in the case of Balaam but is using this situation for me to really see His hand in redeeming and protecting me. Though marriage is God instituted, sin has marred it and the decisions we make each day determines our destiny.
If you feel you have really prayed on the restoration of marriage and nothing is happening, it’s time you start thanking the LORD for the unseen impending danger that might be lurking at the corner.
The LORD loves us all and would never withhold anything from us if we live holy lives, read and meditate on the Word, and pray unceasingly. And remember "All things work out for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." If something truly belongs you, though it may have flown away, it will always come back to you. Just stand on the LORD and take heart.
(USA) Hi Gift, I love your testimony and agree with that 100%. I’m sorry to hear about your marriage but stay strong in the Lord – it sounds like you already are doing that! And stay safe in your country with all the political turmoil over the election (very sad to read about that). Be blessed.
(US) This message is for Vava, my name is Keta. I and my husband are separated, not my choice so I can relate a little with what you’re going through. I just wanted to say that God is bigger. The same God that resurrected Jesus Christ can mend a lifeless marriage. Just remember to speak on his return as if it has already happened. And truly believe it will happen. Remember faith can move mountains. I will pray for you, and you for me too please.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I think marriage is a wonderful thing, good experience.
(KENYA) I would like to share this link with all the people who still believe in marriage!
http://www.eastandard.net/mag/InsidePage.php?id=1143994748&cid=300&
(USA) Dear Xtine, Thank you for sharing this link with those “who still believe in marriage.” I love your heart that you care about those who want to save their marriages. But I have to say that while I agree with much of the article, there are also many things I don’t agree with.
The author believes that “True love” will never die. That’s true of God’s true love, and love, as it is lived out completely God’s way with both people applying His principles. But human love can be fickle and sinful, because that is the nature of human beings apart from God. Love, when it is lived out by fallible human beings, can be starved to death when neglected, just as we can starve any living thing if we take away that which sustains life. That which we neglect to death dies.
Love can also be killed and sabotaged by our own sinful nature. Human beings can be fooled into leaving that which is real and good to go after that which is fake and/or that which is the worst thing for us. I’ve met many people that have done this, only to live for the rest of their lives with regrets.
The author also said that “love stands the test of time.” Again, that is true of God’s love, but if those involved don’t do what it takes to allow or to help that love to stand, then it will succumb to the bad choices human beings will make. Again, I’ve seen this happen repeatedly.
I’ve also seen those who marry who are struggling with getting beyond the adjustments they need to make –make the right choice — God’s choice, to persevere through the storms that hit their lives together. But inevitably, it eventually takes two people to work together to make that happen. (It can start with one making the right choices in the beginning, but eventually, it will take both.)
I’ve seen as well, that love can appear to be dying but because of the perseverance of those involved, they can rebuild the foundation of their relationship all the stronger. Just as a house can be lifted off its foundation and moved over to a stronger foundation, and become all the stronger, I’ve seen married couples make the choice to rebuild their love upon a stronger foundation — the love of Jesus Christ. That’s what my husband and I did. Our love survived because of the choices we finally made to do what we needed to do.
So yes, love SHOULD never die, but it can be starved, or killed, or sabotaged, or can crumble if the foundation isn’t built as it should be. And yet with God all things are possible. Hope is alive as long as we cooperate and live out the principles God puts forth for us. God still resurrects love that appears to be dead! My marriage is one I can give as evidence, and I’ve seen it lived out in the lives of many, many others. PRAISE GOD!!!
(AUSTRALIA) I divorced my first wife because she ‘played up.’ My second wife died of cancer. My third, and last, wife turned frigid after we were married about 2 years. It is not just the man who destroys a marriage.
(USA) My husband has declared that he no longer wants to be married because I can’t seem to get things right when he asks me to do something for him. I’ve explained that my errors are not deliberate, especially because I hate it when he’s angry with me. Yet I still can’t seem to get it right.
Today I spoke with a heaven-sent friend who directed me to search for scriptures in marriage and I found this site. I love it! It has given me renewed hope and determination to continue to pray and never give up! I do pray for all those who have written in and asked for prayer because I too need prayer for this challenge. The enemy wants us to believe that giving up is the only way… I got news for him… God is greater and never lets us down. Thanks for the inspiration and hope you have given me.
(UNITED STATES) Good words in tough times. Scripture really can help. In fact, Jesus told us the very roots of every failed marriage: Hardness of Hearts — we are unwilling to act in forgiving and forgiven ways. We actually refuse to act in ways that could save a marriage!
Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
Author of Save Your Christian Marriage
(USA) Well… today my husband said he filed or a divorce. He went and spoke with our apartment manager about getting another apartment for himself. This I can confirm because she called me with her sincerest concern. My heart hurts so much right now that I can’t find the words to pray! I don’t want to lose my marriage. My world feels like it’s crashing all around me now. I have faith in God but at this very moment it feels like that mustard seed has been completely crushed into powder. Please stand with me and pray.
(USA) Be still and know that I am God…..
http://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1245-be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god
Please read. You are not alone in ways you can not understand nor see, trust me.
(INDIA) Dear Lord Jesus, my name is Sachin Morajkar. I am from India. I was in love with one girl. I like her so much. For 4 years we were in a relationship. Now she is saying that, I don’t want to continue my life with you. She wants to leave me. Jesus, I am crying for her. I love her so much but she didn’t realize. What should I do? I love you Jesus, so much… 2 years before also she left me. Then I prayed to you and I was asking for her in my prayer. Then you had made miracles for me. She got back with me… but Jesus, now I want her forever. I want to get married to her… Jesus, please give me back my girlfriend. Her name is Aditi. Jesus, I love you so much…
(SOUTH AFRICA) I’ve been married for almost 2 years and have a 18 month old son. My wife and I have been through a lot of changes in this short space of time and we’ve been under a lot of pressure, be it seeing to our son (whom has been ill a lot), work (demanding), Health (Exhausted and overworked) all the time, etc.
I’ve really been moved by this site and the information is so well put down, I realised I lack a lot in my marriage and I feel like I’ve reached the end of my rope. We’ve been for counselling before and still no change has come to our distant relationship. We have not been intimate in months and just about a week ago she told me "I hate you, you swine. You selfish and only think of yourself, I hate you!"
These words has been playing in my mind over and over again, never has she told me she loves me with so much meaning, with so much intensity. I felt like my world has fallen apart and that moment but I pulled myself together and acted as though I was not hurt by what she had said. We left home and went to a family reunion that day as though nothing had happened. I don’t know what to do or say.
I try to help wherever I can, I can truly say that I sacrifice as much as I can for my family, I see to them before I think of myself. My wife sometimes says I don’t think of her feelings and her wants. She says I always spoil things cause I always have to be analytical and so to details with everything that I make her angry.
She gets upset for not having her way but If I can’t have mine she gets upset with me, she can become very domineering and I always feel like less of a priority for her. She depends more on her dad and her mum than me for everything.
Maybe I’m not seeing to her emotional needs, I’m not sure what to do next. She’s been depressed before and blamed me for her state, she’s constantly moody and I guess it’s because of her lack of sleep (she sees to our son at night). I help where I can as well, however I try to make things easier for her by taking care of house chores, taking care of my son while she naps etc, but still there’s no end the this endless battle.
It kills me that I’m causing pain to someone that I love so deeply. How do we move on after this was said? I asked her again if she hates me that much and her reponse " I was angry and had to vent my anger, I never meant what I said, I just had to say something". It’s eating away at me and I love her, I just cannot believe that she’s that unhappy with me. Please help, Please.
(ZIMBABWE) Thank you so much on testimonies, I really enjoy this part. Guys, lets keep on praying that our mighty God will help us in what ever we want.
(USA) I have only been married for 3 1/2 years and after reading this post, I realize that the petty stuff that my husband and I deal with are nothing compared to what these individuals are going through. However, I realize that our marriage could come to this point if we don’t put Christ in the center. (I’m not saying none of these individuals have done that.)
My prayer is for each and every individual on this board facing separation or divorce … for the righteous, God binds up wounds and mends broken hearts. Guard your ears and your heart from bad advice. No matter how hopeless your situation may look, keep your eyes on Jesus who is not only the author and finisher of your faith, but can breath life into your seemingly lifeless marriage.
I’ve heard of couples who reconciled right in the divorce court or who were separated for 10 years and God brought them back together. Do not speak evil of that wayward spouse. Forgive him/her before they ever ask and pray for them daily that they recognize the error of their ways, repent and turn to God. Don’t let anyone else speak ill of your spouse. And, if you have children, do not tear that spouse down to the children.
I pray that the Holy Spirit comforts and God keeps each and every one of you. While you are waiting to see victory, continue to stay faithful in your walk with the Lord. Watch out for the enemy who will bring along that person of the opposite sex who seems to be understanding and can seemingly sweep you off of your feet. Satan is roaming around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. He may devour those who are so focused on their circumstances that they are not looking at God.
Although I cannot relate to what any of you are going through, I do know that we serve an awesome God who delights in EVERY detail of our lives. God bless you and keep you!
May I suggest the The Love Dare book? I believe you will find it helpful.
(U.S.A.) Latonya wrote something I agree with, we need to have Christ in the middle of our marriage or things go kaboom! I have been experiencing lately very confusing thoughts about my marriage because my husband doesn’t want to spend time with me, you know, just the 2 of us, intimately and romantic time, none of that, just work, financial problems, health issues (I have been having problems with my back, but I’m better now), you name it. But I still want to be with Him, and he has no interest on me whatsoever.
But I must confess that ever since I experienced back problems, big time !!!-, I have let myself go. I don’t care about looking nice, I feel so tired of trying to better our marriage intimately, I don’t know what to do anymore. Reading this helped me but I know I have been depressed and looking sloppy, not attractive at all. I don’t know if you have any advice.
I don’t want to give this problem to my sisters or my parents, so I’ve kept it pretty much to myself. I’m really drained.. I wish I could change things, but it feels impossible, is it??? I think that for God all things are possible, so, I’m putting myself into his hands.
(USA) I am so sick and tired of hearing about separations, divorces, affairs etc… And all of these marriage problems that it makes me sick to my stomach because Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and have wonderful marriages. Let’s fight back with THE WORD of GOD and tell the enemy that he can’t have our families,our marriages and our homes. They are ours.
We have to stand and believe and not give up and command the enemy and he will flee. We can’t just sit back and complain and moan and groan. Let’s fight back with the POWERFUL word of God. Let’s take a stand just like we do for cancer or anything else out there.
I am so sick of hearing about how the enemy wants to destroy what the Lord has blessed. Let us ALL pray every night or day for marriages all over the world and let’s not be so QUICK to throw in the towel. Just know that it is OUR Heavenly Father who can and will turn all of these ugly situations around.
We can command life back into these dead marriages. Remember the dead bones? Well, we can and will with God’s help call out to these troubled marriages back to life. "In the NAME of JESUS I call life back to dead marriages and to supernaturally bless all of these families, to restore love where it is needed. To bring back joy and peace to all these homes." Wow… I am on fire for the LORD… Praise HIS HOLY NAME. Let’s say NO to divorce and no to affairs etc…
(USA) Hi Dora, You have been on my heart since you wrote. I’ve been praying for you (and other who have written in other postings as well). But I felt that I needed to respond for your plea for “advice”.
First off, let me say how sorry I am for the loneliness you’ve been feeling — particularly in your marriage. I can well understand why you would feel depressed and lonely. It sounds like you’ve gone through quite the physical battle and now find yourself in an emotional one as well. That happens many times after going through what you have experienced.
Many husbands try to help when their wives are hurting, but eventually they don’t know what to do to “fix” the problem — particularly with a wife who is battling depression, so they have a tendency to compartmentalize that away and concentrate on that which they feel they CAN fix (like finances, etc) and withdraw away from their wife. It’s almost like an “enough is enough” situation. The illness or injury is overwhelming enough for them to try to figure out how to help… but then when the depression comes along with other factors that they don’t understand, they feel overloaded. And for the rest of the time they will in essence, put their head in the sand, and withdraw from their wife because of feeling helpless and inadequate in knowing what to do in such matters.
What’s difficult for us as wives to understand, is because WE didn’t want to be in this situation in the first place, we feel especially rejected when the husband goes into the seeming “survival mode” of ignoring the problem by their withdrawal from being our partner in this. Most women, because we’re so relational, don’t understand this type of behavior. We have a tendency to go TOWARDS someone who is hurting, but most men (not all) will eventually back away (because again, they can’t “fix it” and it makes them feel inadequate). It’s all very difficult to explain.
I’m not trying to excuse your husband’s behavior, I’m just trying to help you to better see what may be happening. It’s more of a “male” thing that most of us women don’t understand because it’s not the way we’re wired.
My own husband was VERY distant in the beginning years of our marriage when I was ill. I just didn’t understand it because I’m the opposite. I have a tendency to be a nurturer in those kinds of situations. If Steve couldn’t “fix” a problem I had, he’d eventually withdraw or would somehow be passive-aggressive in his reaction to my “imposing” my illnesses upon his life. It sounds a bit bizarre, doesn’t it? It was. And he’s the first to admit this now. We both brought a lot of selfish and also a lot of childish behaviors into our marriage. Mine just manifested themselves in different areas. But I’m sure not without sin.
Through the years, the Lord gave me the insight to see that I’m a more relational person than Steve (at least in the beginning of our marriage). And He helped me to see how, as God’s colleague in loving Steve, He could show me how to be discrete in helping Steve grow in this area of his life — to become more relational than he was when first I married him.
And it’s amazing how much my husband has grown. God is awesome! Now, my husband is VERY compassionate and helpful when I’m suffering (or someone else is suffering). But it has taken many years and a lot of patience on both of our parts, to “help” each other in the various ways we both needed to grow.
But all of that set aside, I want to encourage you Dora, to reach out beyond your husband. Try to forgive your husband’s lack of understanding in this area (it’s one of those “forgive him Father, for he knows not what he’s doing” kinds of situations), and instead look to God to help you. Prayerfully, your husband will eventually wake up… but right now, concentrate on you and God.
From everything you’ve described, it appears that you are depressed. You’ve just gone through a horrible time with your back, and it apparently, has left you feeling drained and tired and alone. And that can very well lead to depression where everything around you is colored gray. Whether your husband has or is contributing to your feelings of aloneness, what you truly need is a mega-dose of feeling connected to your Heavenly Father.
My advice to you is to make the time and opportunity to worship. Put on some praise music, read scriptures, listen to Bible tapes… whatever! But get alone with God and pour your heart out to Him. Read and pray through the Psalms to Him. Cry out… shout, cry, pray, journal, write, and talk to God… and LISTEN, as well. Let Him talk to you.
At various times in my life, I’ve gone through some very depressing times — one time, more recently. Some of these times have been short (like my recent depression), some have been lengthy — some have been circumstantial (like your back problems and my recent problem) and others have developed into bio-chemical depressions because of the length of the circumstances that originally dropped me off on the road to depression.
I’ve dealt with the depressive times in various ways (with one long bout being where I needed to go on anti-depressants to refill the serotonin depletion I was experiencing), but eventually, the BEST “medicine” was getting alone with God and crying my heart out to Him — not looking to others to help me. And then worshiping. I would praise and worship Him even though I didn’t feel like it. And eventually, His light would shine through. I would thank Him for the things that would come to mind, confess what I needed to confess that would come to mind, cry with Him over the things that would come to mind, talk, question, and listen.
During those times, after worshiping Him, I always ask Him what I need to do (if there is anything) that could help me in my situation. I don’t look to point fingers at others that may or may not be doing their part, but I look to Him with the attitude, “I’m the one standing in the need of prayer.”
I also pray with determination that I will not stop until He blesses me. It’s not that I’m demanding that He change my situation (because I must recognize His sovereignty), but rather that He will bless me to experience renewed hope that He and I will get through this time ok. I never want to lose hope that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” And He never has failed me to eventually lift my spirits (even if it’s taken days and weeks of prayer to get there).
These times have been times of renewal and growth. I hope you will reach out to God during this time, to help you get beyond the pit you are now buried inside of. It may take time — but it’s time worth taking! You may even need to see a doctor to temporarily get on some anti-depressants to get your serotonin levels elevated a bit so you see things more clearly.
But whatever you do, look past man, and look to God to help you. Worship Him. “Do you not know: Have you not heart? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:28-31).
And then as you are renewed in spirit, ask Him to show you what you can do to help you feel “renewed” in body so you don’t feel so run down — lacking energy and drive.
Ask Him to show you a ministry you can invest time in. As you invest in helping others, you will find yourself renewed as well. “…He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25).
But above all, look to God. I pray you will, and that in Him you will find hope and help!