Every Sunday, Carrie Nicholson, a married mother of two, is single at church. Her unbelieving husband is noticeably absent from all church-related activities. Week after week, Carrie saves a seat for her husband. Week after week, his seat remains unclaimed and they were in a spiritually unequal marriage.
Nancy Kennedy, the author of “When He Doesn’t Believe,” understands this situation. After she had been married for a few years, Nancy became a Christian. Now, 25 years later, she remains in what she terms as a “spiritually-mismatched” marriage. Kennedy offers hope to those unequally yoked by reminding them that God is not absent from their situations or indifferent to their struggles. She is living proof that a couple can be “unequal yet whole.” *
God never says, “Oops!
” Perhaps the most difficult thing for a spiritually-single wife to understand is that God is fully aware of her situation. Your spiritually-mismatched marriage can “mold you into someone who looks and loves more like Jesus,” Kennedy says.
When an unbeliever’s wife recognizes God’s presence in her situation, she can relax.
“You’ll be able to enjoy your life and that will ease tensions at home. When that happens, you won’t have to talk constantly about your faith because you’ll be living it.”
Divided by faith
“I do feel resentful at times,” Carrie admits. “I worry about how my faith divides us right now. What are my children learning about marriage and family?”
“Jesus Himself said His coming would bring division in families,” Kennedy acknowledges (Luke 12:51-53). “However, sometimes we are the ones who create the barriers by spending inordinate amounts of time separating ourselves from our husbands.”
When it comes to church events, a spiritually-single wife needs to choose wisely. While she certainly could be more involved if her husband was active, too, she does not need to put the church against her husband. They are not competitors. “It’s not either I can love God or I can love my husband,” explains Kennedy. “It’s because I’m loved by God that I can love my husband.”
What about the children?
Carrie relies on her church family for friendship and support as she raises her children. She worries that if she dies before her children’s faith becomes firmly established, they will grow up outside the church.
“Your children belong to both of you,” reminds Kennedy. It is important to find common ground when it comes to discipline and discipleship. Most men agree with the biblical principles of building character and moral values.
Prayer, the Powerful Tool
The most powerful tool a believing mom can wield is prayer because it is then that God’s power is unleashed to do a mighty work behind the scenes. The power of God can change even the most negative husband, especially when a believing wife respects him and teaches her children to do the same.
It is not easy to be the wife of an unbeliever. It is even more difficult to face the challenges of everyday life without Christ. Yet, you will be blessed as you make your home a place of honor and comfort for your husband.
* Nancy Kennedy, interview by Rebecca Ingram Powell.
This article is shared with us courtesy of Parent Life Magazine.
It is written by Rebecca Ingram Powell, who is a pastor’s wife, mother of three, and the author of Baby Boot Camp: Basic Training for the First Six Weeks of Motherhood
I was raised in the church and my Dad has always gone to church on Sundays. Growing up our home centered around church people and church events. In the early years of my marriage my husband would go with me to church also, but then that changed and he doesn’t and hasn’t gone for over 20 years now. Due to COVID and the struggle with breathing while wearing a mask I haven’t been to church in almost a year. I enjoy my Sunday Mornings. They are quiet and I can think. It is the only time I feel like I get “down time”. My parents are aging and my adult daughters require my time as does my house on Saturdays and I work Mon – Fri.
As my church is starting to open back up and our women’s SS class is resuming I am finding that I would rather stay at home on Sunday or enjoy not having to get up and hurry like every other day of the week. I miss Christian discussion and learning but there are other options for that. I guess I am looking for input on this subject/situation.
This can definitely be a struggle. The image comes to mind of lying in bed in the morning and you know you should get up to start your day, but it’s so cozy, comfortable, and warm that you just don’t want to do it. You just want to keep lying there. But eventually, you know you should… so you do. And the reason you do is because you know it’s the best thing for you to do. Lying there is nice, but it isn’t sustainable for life. Eventually, you have to get up or you’ll waste away and die.
And the same goes for our spiritual life. If we isolate ourselves away from our Christian brothers and sisters and stay home instead of worshipping, fellowshipping with each other, learning, growing together, helping each other, and supporting each other we will find it difficult to sustain our spiritual life. That’s why God tells us in the Bible “do not forsake assembling together, as is the habit of some.” God knows that apart from each other we will slide into a different lifestyle. Our focus on Him will slide into making life work for us apart from fellowshipping with Him and with His other children. We NEED each other! It’s like taking a log out of a pile of burning logs. At first that log will keep burning. But eventually it needs the closeness of the other logs to keep going. Left on its own the fire goes out.
I understand about busy lives and how Sunday mornings can seem to be the only time to enjoy a type of quietness. Steve and I have been home–enjoying our church service and worshipping in the comfort and quiet of our home since Covid pushed us out of our churches. There is part of me that enjoys the quietness of these times of worship. But we also know that this isn’t healthy in the long run to help us in our spiritual growth. God wants us to be with other believers; we need other believers, and they need us… there is something to be said about growing in the Christian community to grow spiritually. We help one another in so many ways. It’s another way of growing that God does not want us to neglect.
Yes, there are other “options” for us to get into Christian discussions. But for as long as we have the opportunity to assemble in churches, I believe with my whole heart that God does not want us to “neglect” assembling together (His Word says so). If you lived on top of a mountain–away from any other humans you can worship with, or you live in a country (like North Korea or such) where you can’t find a church to worship in… then God will help you to grow spiritually in different ways. But with the opportunities right in front of us… what do you think GOD would have you do? Even Jesus went to the synagogues. And He certainly had a busy life and probably didn’t need to worship with others. But He did. And I believe He would have us do the same. I hope you will. Who knows how long we will have the privilege to go to church? Lets count our blessings and grab onto them for as long as it is day.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)