I never really thought I was a prime candidate for adultery. I was committed to our marriage, and I didn’t think I was what you would call “high risk.” So how did I get there?
The best description I ever heard was “baby steps.” I let myself get into a position of innocent intimacy with another female. Our conversations were innocent enough —family, friends, and ministry. But one baby step led to another and to another, and before I could turn and run, I was in way too deep.
Falling Away From Faithfulness
Falling was much easier than I’d ever believed possible. And at that point in our marriage, I was angry with Mona for putting me on the back burner of her priorities. I could point to many reasons why I could be angry with her, but the bottom line is that I felt she didn’t want me in any way at all.
But she was my wife. I loved her. I had made a commitment to her before God when we said our marriage vows. “I’m in for life,” I always said. But adultery changed things. When God brought me to that point of brokenness and it was time to get this all out in the open, I felt a sense of commitment that I knew could only come from God. I would use all my strength to convince Mona I was here to stay, and nothing she could do or say would change that. And boy, did I find out that she could do and say plenty! It had to be God’s strength that fashioned in me what I called “armadillo skin.” She used words I had never heard her say before. But I was committed.
Answering Questions After Adultery
After a few months on this plane, I found out what commitment was all about. I had started out with a purposed and diligent attitude. I was there at all hours —and I mean all hours —with answers to her questions. We talked and I explained until I ran out of words. And then I got mad.
“Here we go again”, I thought. I was angry and tired. It wasn’t going like I’d thought it would. I’d figured if I could just get right with God and confess my sin, he would reward me with a healing process. Yes, I had sinned, but I had also obeyed and dealt with the sin honestly—with God and with Mona and with my church.
I had done everything the way I was supposed to, yet the situation just wouldn’t get any better. I had expected a rocky road, but I hadn’t expected the road to get steeper and more treacherous with time. It seemed the more I tried to smooth things over, the angrier Mona got. Her barrage of questions continued to increase, and my anger reached new depths. I had committed the sin, yes, but how much punishment was I supposed to take?
Suspicious Questioning
After a few months, the shock wore off for Mona. I think she honestly wanted to forgive me and keep the marriage going, but as she became convinced of my sincerity, she grew angrier and more demanding. She insisted that I spend every waking moment convincing her I was here for the duration, that I wasn’t going to quit. And I had better answer every question exactly as I had answered that same question the last time and the time before and the time before. Any slight variance in my answer was cause for suspicion. Why had my answer changed? What wasn’t I telling her? What lie had I just been caught in? It was an endless assault.
Is this the life, the wife, I can expect from here on out? Am I to never be more than her whipping boy? It seemed the further we went into the supposed healing process, the further we went from a marriage partnership. I was beginning to lose hope. Quite frankly, I figured if this was the way our lives were going to be, I wasn’t interested.
Why God?
So what’s up with this, God? You brought me through for this? You’ve guided me —here? I’ve been faithful in every way since my confession. So where are you? Where is your mighty healing power? I thought you were on my side.
As I sat there screaming this prayer to God, I began to feel guilty. Who was I? The adulterer! The infidel! Who was I to think I deserved anything better? The issues that had brought Mona and me here were becoming more evident to me. I was beginning to understand why couples didn’t survive infidelity. I was questioning our survival for the first time.
God’s allowance of divorce for adultery was beginning to make sense. The wounds were so deep for both of us. The intense pain pushed me to think about self-preservation and less about “us” preservation. But through all this I knew in my spirit that God wanted us to survive; it was in his will for our marriage to make it. But where are you, God? Where are you now?
God’s Revelation
Then I heard His still, quiet voice say, “I’m right here. And Gary, I’d rather have you right here, angry with Me, than not here with Me at all.”
Those few words spoke volumes to me, that picture of a loving Father wanting His angry son. How gracious He is. My anger didn’t push Him away. Our relationship meant more to Him than how I was behaving at the moment or how I had behaved in the past. His was the ultimate example of commitment.
Staying Committed After Adultery
Within a few short moments, a rush of understanding flooded my mind and heart. Suddenly I saw the parallel of my relationship with God in my relationship with Mona. The agape, self-sacrificial love that God has for me was the only model I could follow to get us through this crisis. It wasn’t going to come from me, but from Him through me. The main thing I needed to do was to stay committed to God, to Mona, and to our marriage recovery. Not in my strength, Lord, but in Yours.
This article comes from the book, UNFAITHFUL… Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity, written by Gary and Mona Shriver, published by Life Journey. This is an absolutely terrific book! We can’t recommend it highly enough! Mona and Gary have been through this horrible experience themselves. “More than ten years ago, Gary Shriver shocked his wife Mona, with a confession of his three-year affair —as well as a one-night stand.” It devastated their marriage! After Gary’s confession they struggled to keep their marriage together with all the strength they could muster and the Lord’s very real help! You will read about the Shriver’s journey to healing in this book.
You can reach the authors Gary and Mona Shriver, at Hopeandhealing.us.
(USA) I engaged in an adulterous affair in 2005 after justifying my actions due to fights, feelings of abandonment, rebellion on my part. I put myself in a position I shouldn’t have that moved so fast I was standing on third base when I was not planning on allowing things to get that far. At that moment I became too afraid to admit what happened to my husband for fear that he’d leave me vs forgive me.
I’ve had 2 other instances where men I trusted kissed me and I immediately told my husband. While he was forgiving during those times, he told me that he would be unwilling to stay in a marriage if one of us committed adultery (by this he seemed to mean intercourse itself). I became so scared of this that I not only didn’t tell him but perpetuated the affair.
When I finally allowed myself to turn back to God and accept forgiveness from my sin w/ a potential willingness to one day reveal the truth to my husband, I broke up w/ my devastated boyfriend and told him no more. A few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant for the 1st time and was pretty confident the child was not my husbands. This news turned me into a tailspin and I prayed continually and sought God about what the right thing to do was. I considered leaving my husband because of the pregnancy but wasn’t 100% sure of who the father was. I did not know if this was Gods will for me, for the child or for either of these men.
Now, 5 years later, I have definitive knowledge that my son is the seed of my now ex-boyfriend. My now ex-boyfriend has, as a result of my staying home with my husband, returned to his wife & 2 kids and have an “open marriage” which despite my choice to leave him, still causes me emotional suffering to witness the fruit of his behavior. My husband also cheated on me as a result of my distancing and trying to force him to leave me when I was looking for an excuse to be w/ my boyfriend.
I was devastated to learn of my husband’s affair but willing to forgive for the knowledge of my own sin. Now, it’s been a year since I was last intimate w/ my boyfriend, I discovered he was swinging in Jamaica w/ his wife and other places even when I was still intimately involved w/ him. And he has nothing to do with the son he knowingly fathered even though we live in the same community all the last 5 years and volunteered in the same organization together causing him to see him at spouse included events.
I’ve had several different highly recommended and respected Christian councelors and have been advised in every direction you can imagine. Tell my husband, don’t tell him, seek God’s forgiveness and move forward, keep it all to myself until I die and accept that God forgave me… I feel lost in my spirit and while my relationship w/ my husband is healing and growing in the Lord. Unexpected issues are revealed to me that I end up finding out my ex boyfriends extramarital swinging affairs or going outside the “swinging guidelines” by emotionally bonding w/ someone else. It kills me some days although I know it shouldn’t.
I pray for wisdom to know if I am obligated to reveal the whole truth to my husband as I admitted an affair but to a much lesser extent. My husband and I had a 2nd child 13 months after my 1st and I made my now ex boyfriend do a paternity test to reveal my 2nd son was indeed my husbands.
I am hurting and truly want to do Gods will. I want to not be hurting over an uncommitted unfaithful and unrepentant man who I still care about his well being and his walk (which seems only needed at times of trial). I don’t want to hurt my sons or emotionally train wreck my now repaired marriage. I don’t know what’s right, what’s forgiven and what’s best for my son as I don’t want my ex to be a part of his life because of his moral and ethical decisions that honestly scare me to hand my son into, should I go public.
I pray God grants you wisdom to give me godly counsel in this matter that will give God glory and be a reflection of the definition of His love so His will may be carried out in my life as well as those I love.
(NIGERIA) I was also caught up in this shame of adultery after 5 yrs of my marriage. I got married to my husband but after the wedding which was well attended, I started despising my husband. I always complained to whoever cared to listen about him. He never does anything right before me. I later became frustrated but I don’t want a divorce. It was in that situation that I fell out.
After that, I felt bitter for belittling and causing pain and agony to my husband. Although I did not like my actions, I continued relating with the person but I never got to that level of intimacy with him. But I still had this bitterness and resentment towards my husband. He was patient with me. He just discovered that am seeing someone.
Before he discovered this, I’ve seen the pastor of my church, confessed my sins and everything happening in my marriage to him. I had already made up my mind to save my marriage. I had to confess everything to my husband. He was very mad with me. I was a complete disgrace to God, to him, our marriage, to our families and womanhood. I started praying for God’s forgiveness and to give my husband the grace to forgive me.
After few days, my husband called me, prayed for me and told me that he has forgiven me. I could not believe it. It was as if a heavy burden was removed from my shoulders. For this particular action from him, I cried for days and never stop regreting my sinful life. I am truly sorry for my sins. I know that God has forgiven me too. I will forever love my husband and be committed to my marriage. We are now the best couple so far. I give God all the glory.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I found out by accident a week ago that my husband of 10 yrs is cheating. I confronted him but he keeps denying it – even though I have proof. I always pray for our marriage but these days I find myself without words to tell God and I just weep. This is weighing down on me; please help!
He blames everyone except himself for the decisions that he make in life…He initially told me he wanted a divorce and then changed his mind again; does he even consider our 3 young chidren in this? I have questions that are unanswered because he does not want to answer them. For 9 yrs I have been the provider for my family while he was trying to “Find”/”Build” himself and then I end up with this? I am Crushed!
(UNITED STATES) Maybe she doesn’t want to tell you anything because she loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you more. Maybe she’s afraid of your reaction and she doesn’t know what you will do to that person if you know who it is. Seems she may be protecting you. She knows that it is best that you don’t know.
The right question to ask is why she did it. You should try to understand why she has chosen to do this? And above all you should pray and seek spiritual guidance from someone who has a connection with the father.
(SOUTH AFRICA) It’s so good to know that some people that commit adultery actually do something positive about their guilt and their acts of immorality, they try to repent and try to rebuild their marriages, in my case it’s different.
My husband is now having his second affair. This has truly been a life changing experience for me and my children. He started having this affair almost a year ago, to my knowledge. He confessed to me about several woman making advances at him, and I asked him to do the right thing. But before that he felt emotionally distant from me. He had asked for my permission to seek other women. Sometimes I would tell him to go ahead, believing very well that he would not as I thought that was his way of trying to get my attention. Most of the times I told him it was totally wrong and I would never allow that.
He complained a lot about not being met sexually, although I tried my best to satisfy his needs. At some point a few months before the affair I remember praying to God whole-heartedly and asking him to help me be a better wife to my husband. I wanted to give him so much of myself but I couldn’t. I was always too tired, my mind and will power was there but my body just couldn’t go the extra mile. We were going through a tough time financially. I felt that I needed to help my husband out and spent some of his time trying to make ends meet, probably my stresses and efforts in trying to assist my husband contributed to the deterioration of our marriage.
Anyways after he confessed about the other women. I decided to go thru his phone and noticed a message from another lady that he did not tell me about. It seemed like they had known each other for some time. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he was looking for attention and sex and was not in love with her, but he was not willing to let her go. I couldn’t understand why, so I called her and she revealed that she did not know that he was married when they met and later found out thru me. I went thru so much pain and turmoil trying to stop the affair but the more I fought the more I pushed them together. Every effort I made to get thru to my husband failed, nothing worked.
I took advice from some Christian marriage sites, eventually as my health started to deteriorate. I left him and returned home. I tried to cut all ties with him, but both our families were against it, during my separation from him I did alot of soul searching and I started reading a book called Fascinating Womanhood. I learnt a lot about how I pushed my husband away over the years without realizing it. The book really helped me thru difficult times and I truly wish every woman who is going thru problems in their marriages could read it. I wish I got hold of that book before I decided to leave my husband, but it’s too late now.
He moved back to our home town with the other woman and is filling for divorce. I am left alone with our two kids. Its been a tough road for us, but I have truly learnt a lot from this experience. I believe we all go thru trials in life to help us become better people and looking back, this experience as difficult as it has been has made me a better person and hopefully I’ll become a better wife to someone deserving in future. I don’t believe it is the end of the road for me, but I do believe I had to go thru Gods refinery. I thank God for all the lessons I’ve learnt and all the wonderful people I’ve met along the way as well as all the support I receieved from family, friends and even strangers. Even though there were times when I hated God for not answering my prayers, and putting me thru so much agony, I appreciate that he never left my side. He was always there holding my hand and encouraging me all the way.
I hate divorces. I hate infidelity and I truly encourage and pray for all married people out there to be strong in their marriages. Please don’t give up on each other easily. The devil knows our weaknesses. But God knows our weakness and our strengths, so lean on him, and remember that your marriage is a three fold cord, with God binding it together. Appreciate and value each other daily and please don’t take for granted that there are vulnerable and even wicked people out there who are ready to get love from anyone, even though they are married. Don’t allow your spouses to become vulnerable because they will fall prey to anything that offers them love, even if it’s false love. For those who have unrepentant spouses, I pray that you find it in your hearts to let them go.
In my case my husbands guilt led him to seek a divorce, because he can’t live in sin anymore. The thought of coming back home to repair our marriage is too difficult and painful for him. I tried so hard to get my husband to come back, but the more I tried the more I pushed him away. Any effort to get him to see the light was futile. I showered him with so much love and understanding, although at times I must admit I became so bitter I didn’t want to entertain his presence. Now I just keep away and let him be. I’ve accepted that that’s the life he chose. I have chosen to let go. I am now civil and say peaceful towards him. Most of all I am at peace with God and within myself.
So my lesson was bitter. I can only pick up the pieces of my life and move on with the experiences I’ve gained, with Gods love.
(HONG KONG) I’m a born again Christian, 5 years married to a man I only feel mercy. Unexpectedly, I met again my ex, the man that I really love. I can’t resist the call of temptation, which is adultery.
Now, I don’t know what to do… I feel guilt & shame. But I love this man so much and I’m sure he loves me too… Please, I need advice.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I too was caught up in the shame of adultery after 2 years of marriage. Both my husband and I were not reborn Christians at the time of marriage. Divorce was inevitable. He wanted he out of the house. I could not see myself working at the marriage because I could not get over the guilt and the pain that I had caused him. I was also angry at him for not being there to support me when that was all I asked for. This resulted in me finding someone else who ended up being there to talk to and to listen. I guess this is always how it starts and before we know it, it’s too late. We fall into the trap.
He filed for a divorce and 3 months later the divorce was finalized. I commited my life to Christ approximately a year later and only after becoming a reborn Christian started realizing the commandment about adultery, the meaning of marriage. I was left devastated because then I understood the meaning of marriage covenants and how adultery affects this.
Today, 12 years later I have been through 2 failed relationships and wonder whether I am living the consequences of what I did wrong then. Sometimes I find myself asking the same question, has God forgiven me for what I did wrong? The Bible speaks of divorce and sometimes I wonder the following: Am I not permitted to remarry and find happiness because of what I did? It would be interesting to hear from someone who finds themselve in the same situation I do.
(USA) I have been reading a lot of these comments and I really need to ask. My husband cheated on me about two years ago and we have had a lot of role-playing fantasy play. It was ok at first, but has gotten out of hand. My husband believes that I have cheated, as well. I have been with him 13 yrs and have never cheated. About 5 months ago he finally comes to me and admits he did cheat and he was ashamed and sorry. It took me a while, but I loved him so much, I forgave him.
Yet, now every time we are with each other he needs the role-playing. I’ve told him it makes me feel uncomfortable because he asks me who I did stuff with and who I’m thinking about when I do this or that. It was driving me crazy, so I FALSELY confessed to doing some of the nasty things and to cheating, so he would get his fantasy of watching another man with me and so he could get the intensity out of it.
The lie has gotten so big now a month later, how will I ever make him understand if I tell him now that it was just something I said that I thought would make him stop questioning me. It was a stupid story I told him, because while we were involved that way, it sounded as if he wanted it to be true, so I gave him the lie that he wanted to hear and now he is tired and more depressed.
I have tried to be truthful before until now and I want to tell him that I never cheated, but he always questions when we are involved. I need to tell him the truth, but it’s like he doesn’t wanna hear it, and he pushes it more and more until I can’t remember how many untruths I’ve said. What do I do? We have two little one’s and my son and daughter, don’t want to live without their dad being there. Help me!
(USA) I found out a couple of years ago that my wife of 15+ years had an affair. Initially I found text messages and later found an email from him to her. When confronted she said that was the extent of the relationship. But, with the content of the email I always felt it was more.
A few years went by and just when I was trying to come to grips with it she confessed that it was a sexual relationship. Now, mind you, we had a lot of issues prior to the affair but her admission really has caused us to move into an even more complicated area. It has been a few years since the admission and we are still “holding” on by the grace of GOD. I am still very hurt by this and at times want to just walk away. As a man it bothers me very much to deal with facing the fact that my wife allowed this to happen twice.
The thought of another man being with my wife is sometimes unbearable. At times I’m ok but, it really bothers me sometimes just looking at her and sometimes when we are making love. I know the affair is over but, it is still very difficult to deal with. I love my wife still even after her affair and want my marriage and my family but this causes a lot of problems.
I have never cheated on my wife but sometimes think of it because of what has happened. I realize that’s not the answer and don’t want to put her in this bad position that I’m forced to deal with. She maintains that she always loved me, which is difficult for me to understand with what she’s done. She is very apologetic about which I believe she is but, as a man my pride and self-esteem is damaged. I’m trying to hold my family together.
(NIGERIA) I have been married for 3 years now and I have tried to be faithful to my wife. I made a promise to her not to cheat her but I was gradually killing myself by leading on other women. I will lead them to the extent that that we both will be naked but I will quietly leave the lady. Most times they will be begging me to have sex with them and it was fun for me.
But I messed up yesterday when one, after being naked, could not leave me. She forced me to enter her and I pulled myself out only to find out I have released already.
my promise to her has been broken and I can’t believe that this actually happened. But I did not make love to the lady. My God, help me to be more faithful to my wife, till death do us part.
(INDIA) Friends, I have been there and done that! I know how painful this business is -but God is a faithful God. Cling to him and he will restore. I believe God’s heart is to restore. But you know what? This opens up the door to the devil. To have an open door -you will end up losing so much for that 5 min one night stand. Man -it’s not worth it… Narrow is the way – walk ye in it.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Everything is such a mess and struggle. I did horrible things –had sex sprees with men @hotels, and with a man I met on the online dating service. As a child of God it’s so shameful. My husband knows about it. He found me chatting with the guys and read the emails. This haunts me till this day.
The problem is I still have this married man I chat with. He is so kind, makes me feel so good, and gives me all the attention I need as a women whereas hubby doesn’t play his part. I’m so confused and can’t let my lover go. I know it’s wrong, but difficult.
(USA) I am cheating on my wife after 22 years of marrige. The woman I am seeing knows that I am married and she is ok with that. I love her. I can see the pain that this is causing my family. What should I do?
(AUSTRALIA) Timothy, I think you know that this can only end badly… eventually you will have to choose. It is hard to feel so conflicted. I know I have been there. It ended. Badly. You probably still love your wife, but you are opportunistic. It’s really nice to be in that infatuation stage of love. But you know that this too will end and you will be in the same situation again, years down the track.
If you are like most men, deep down you want to do the right and honorable thing and stick with your wife. You want to be the hero to your family, your children, even if they are grown. Divorce is not pretty. Your wife has probably given you hot dinners, and at least some hot sex for a good 22 years and if you have any integrity, you know you can’t leave her.
So you have to use your head and only your head. End the affair. Invest in your marriage. I know you are screaming ‘but when do I get to be happy?’ Two years post affair, I am almost back to being 100% happy with my marriage. That is up from about nil…
End it. Do it. No contact with ‘her’ for life. Ever.
(AUSTRALIA) Do the right thing… the right thing by your wife and by you. What if this was happening to you by somebody you loved, respected and trusted?
First make the decision -what do you want? Your marriage? Your girlfriend? Then decide what type of marriage you want and make all the right choices and actions to support that (it does not work the other way around). Remember there is somebody else involved here, possibly an innocent party who has had no say in whether this is what she wants or not -give her the respect and honesty of that.
Only you can decide what to do -stand up, look a good look at the man in the mirror… really look at him and… do the right thing.
(SOUTH AFRICA) A year ago I found out my husband had been in a relationship with a divorced woman (through adultery, her husband cheated and she paid revenge by cheating with his friend & her marriage ended). The relationship she had with my husband took 3 years & all this time I could sense something was wrong in our marriage & I would ask my husband if he was having an affair & he would deny it. I found out about the affair when I was 8 months pregnant, it was the most painful thing anybody could ever experience. 6 months before finding out my spiritual life which had been luke warm changed significantly, I started praying more, I read the Bible more; I was just so connected to God even I was amazed at what was happening. I think God saw this coming & to save my marriage His strategy was to work on me with the Word, I’m the rebellious type & if God had not intervened in that way it is scary when I think of what I would’ve done in retaliation to what has happened.
The sad thing is that the woman says she is a Christian & apparently the affair was so intense she began to introduce my husband to her church folk as her fiance, her family had met him, he was paying for some of her living expenses, they were flying partners (she works for an airline), my husband was so deep into the affair he was practically living a double life running 2 households. The funny thing is that the woman was playing her card, because in front of him she was this understanding mistress who didn’t want to destroy his family & yet away from him all the claws would be out to destroy, she would say all sorts of things to her friends & colleagues, things like her & my husband were buying property together & how they were going to do IVF (her fillopian tubes were messed up & the only way for her to have children is through IVF) because my husband wanted a child with her, oh & she even had the nerve to tell me she would’ve taken my husband if she wanted to & gave him an offspring lol! The devil is a liar!!
She would fast & go pray in some mountain with her family claiming my husband because she believed God gave him to her otherwise God wouldn’t have allowed them to be together for so long…. God put me & my husband together as ONE & God doesn’t get confused & would never contradict Himself for our sin.
The year following my discovery must be the most difficult period in my life ever. I wanted to leave my husband I felt disgusted, I wanted him to feel my pain, the humiliation etc. Even I know that the reason we’re still together has to do with God’s Grace only because many times I lost even the desire to fight for the marriage. Unbelievably during this time my husband would even try to go back to her, but God would reveal things to me not just spiritually but physically e.g I’d catch him red handed as he was stealing a phone call to her, I got hold of e-mails where the woman was asking for some money to pay the bank before they could repossess her car, she also was solliciting money to pay for her rates which were behind, lots of things that God would just bring to my attention. Eventually my husband realised what he was doing was wrong but by then I had contacted a lawyer & I was ready to move on, I was tired of being disrespected I even told him I was willing & ready to end our marriage & that he could persue his love interest without hurting me & my children, I told him he was free to go & I wasn’t going to hold it against him & that I would even be happy for him if he had found what he wanted in this woman but I wasn’t going to continue being his doormat!
He said he never wanted our marriage to end & didn’t want a life with this other woman & that he loved me & his children & the other woman was not the life that he wanted to live because it wasn’t real & that even if I were to divorce him, he would never marry her, she is not “wife material”. He blatantly refused & said he didn’t want her, but then I asked him why then he kept hurting me, why he kept going back to her & he said he felt like someone on drugs where you know its not good for you but you keep going for your fix & he begged me to help me break this spirit & not leave him alone because he knew if we left then his life was over. After we got married God started blessing our union materialy so much that I didn’t need to work & I believe when this affair started as it progressed my husband’s finances started getting affected. He started losing contracts…he was on the verge of losing it all plus his family, because God blessed us as the union, He had given us (Adam & Eve) our own garden of Eden but my Adam lost God’s vision & started thinking it was about him & started spending the money outside of Eden & let me tell you God will bless you but He will not keep funding sin!
My husband gave his life to Christ..it has taken lots of prayers, it has been the toughest journey I’ve ever had to travel, I get discouraged sometimes & wonder why I have to forgive all this but that’s what the Word commands, I also sincerely pray for the lady that God brings her to the realisation of the true faith & spare her soul if she is willing to repent (again Word commands we pray for & love our enemies, I’m sure I’m far from saying I love her but I can pray for her which is a big step).
Life is one step at a time through God’s Grace we’re still standing victoriously through Christ. Your story might not be the same as mine but God is a God of retstoration & we don’t stop praying because the devil is not resting he wants to prove that marriage doesn’t work but by the power of God we have conquered, I continue to trust God for the work He is doing in our lives & I continue to pray for my husband (whom sometimes I want to strangle but I surrender all to God including my emotions).
(PHILIPPINES) I also have the same dilemma as yours and I’m still not coping and hoping this is not really happening. I am married with my husband for 8 yrs now but all in all we’ve been together for 16 yrs. I just discovered his adultery a week ago. A guy e-mailed me with information about my husband and this woman and their child. I do not want to believe it, but when I asked my husband about it he did not say a thing at first. With that I knew the evidence was real. I asked for explanations but he only said it was an accident. We don’t have a child so he tried it with other woman. Of course, I did not believe him so I asked this woman when it started and how he keep it from me from that long. She told me that she met him 4 month before our wedding. Infact, it was him who told her that he had a fiancee. She went abroad after the wedding and came back to our country after a year. She had a problem with her work so she asked for my husband’s help how she could return to the country. So then they saw each other when he fetched her in the airport. Something happened between them and she got pregnant. I don’t know why I did not notice the changes in our married life. He is the best liar that I ever met in my whole life I guess. He comes home to me yet he also has time to stay in a few days with this woman and their child. After our confrontation, he chose to stay with me and start anew. I accept it because I really love him. I forgive him but I don’t trust him anymore. I am trying my best to forget what he did but something is pulling me off. I still don’t know what to do and I still don’t believe everything he says to me…please I need advice.