What do you do when a child is born because one spouse had an extramarital affair? How do you handle the betrayal AND the birth of a child as a result of one partner cheating on another?
These are questions we receive here at Marriage Missions, and they’re very, very tough ones!
As we address this issue, please be very prayerful as you read what we are sharing with you. Every situation is different. And for this reason, what you do, may need to be different for you, than for other people in a similar situation. Allow the Holy Spirit to be your Wonderful Counselor. Pay attention to how specifically He guides you, in light of what others may tell you and what you read here. But above all, make sure you follow God’s ways, above mans.
We will offer some things here for you to consider. Pray, read, and glean through what you read to apply what you believe God is telling you to use in your life. There are a few things that are for sure. Then there are things that will be written, that will be basic counsel, which you can take or leave.
With the Affair These are MUSTS:
The cheating has to stop. The lies have to stop.
God did not create us to lie and cheat on each other. He hates actions which demonstrate unfaithfulness.
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
“You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Colossians 3:5-10).
Each day can bring a new beginning.
And whether you and your spouse decide to reconcile or not, it is time for everyone to start living in Truth.
“Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God —I say this to your shame” (1 Corinthians 15:34).
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully, for we are all members of one body” (Ephesians 4:25).
There is a child who is now involved in an affair that started in sin.
Yet the child is completely innocent. The Bible says that children are “a gift from God.” And they are. Even if they were conceived because of a situation that was not pure or a situation that was hurtful, this child is created in the image of God and should not be treated as if he or she is lesser of a human being. Jesus Himself, showed how He valued children as a priority and a blessing, and so should we.
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 18:10)
The following is advice, which we consider to be sound, given by Dr Phil McGraw (from the Dr Phil Show), to a man who was having difficulty in accepting a child who was born because of his spouse’s affair.
Prayerfully consider what he advises:
“Don’t let your feelings about the affair reflect on your treatment of the child. The child is innocent, and had nothing to do with the actions of your partner.”
“Though it may be difficult, don’t withhold affection from the child. By keeping the child at arm’s length, you are punishing him for something he didn’t do.”
“Give yourself permission to own your feelings. Having feelings of anger doesn’t make you the bad guy in this situation. It’s painful to deal with an affair, and when that affair results in a child who becomes part of your life, you may feel like everything is being dumped on you.”
You need to do what you can to work through the stages of grief, anger and mourning, because the changes that have come upon your marriage, as a result of infidelity.
Additional Help
On the Marriage Missions web site, we have provided many articles, testimonies, suggested resources and web site links that you can take advantage of, to help you on this difficult journey. But we pray that, whatever you do, you will work to keep your feelings from “punishing” the child in some way.
As a matter of fact, here is a video that is quit profound in the message given on this issue. Bob and Audrey Meisner is interviewed, concerning her affair. But in this particular video they center on the child who is born as a result of the affair. I STRONGLY encourage you to watch what they have to say about it:
There are so many issues to work through when a child comes as a result of an affair. And it’s not possible to cover them all in an article such as this. But we have provided for you below, a couple of links to different web site articles, which you can read through to give you additional information to pray about. We hope they will help you to make wise decisions for the future of your relationship, as well as the child’s role in your lives.
Prayerfully Consider
You may or may not agree with the entire content given in each article. We personally don’t agree with everything in the first article listed below. But please prayerfully consider what is written and glean what you believe God would have you do. Don’t use what you feel is contrary to God’s will for your life.
First, we encourage you to read the following linked article posted on the Marriage Builders web site, written by Dr Willard Harley:
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU (or Your Spouse) BECOMES PREGNANT
Another article can be found on the Beyond Affairs web site, written by Anne Bercht. Please click onto the link below to read:
• WHEN THERE IS A CHILD FROM AN AFFAIR
And finally, the following is a Youtube interview, aired on a CBN broadcast. Bob and Audrey talk of her affair and how it led to a child being born, as a result:
• A WIFE’S BETRAYAL – Bob and Audrey Meisner
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you can give additional insights to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Childrens Effect on Marriage Surviving Infidelity
Me and my husband have been together 10 years married, 4 years this August. My husband has two children with me and 3 other children from 3 different women during our relationship and we’re still married. I know this might shock some of you to just think to yourself how did this woman stay with this man after all of that. I don’t know either, wish I knew why I didn’t walk away the first time, But I think I know why. It’s because I believed the good in him and not the bad. I’m just that kind of person that believes that God created us all good.
Our journey through life results in all the bad we become. I’ve been through it all with my husband’s infidelity, pornography, drug and alcohol addiction, depression, attempted suicide, him being unemployed and Im only 29!!! How can I still love a person after he has hurt me so much? I can only thank God for leading me everyday. Even though I may look like a stupid to the few people who know my journey I don’t really care because this is my journey and I believe God placed me in his life for a reason. Some may call me crazy, but I don’t care as long as I know God would’ve never made me stay.
It does hurt though, it hurts a lot. He cannot forgive himself for what he’s done to me. You see his father did the same to his mother and actually left his mother for one of the other ladies. He grew up angry and resented his father and ended up doing the exact same thing to him. His father abused him and took out all his frustrations on him. He witnessed his father bringing woman home when he was still young. He was in the car when his father used to drive to some of their houses but never told anyone, especially his mother, these things. I only found out these things when he was drunk and crying.
So I understand his hurt. I understand that this was a curse that needed to be broken. And I’m grateful to God that we’re both saved now. But even though he’s saved, I can see that he still struggles with unforgiveness, not being able to fully forgive his father and also himself. And as a result it is robbing me of having the husband I know he can be and father to our children.
On the other end the last lady he had a baby with is determined to break us apart. She sends me messages trying to bring doubt in my mind. She calls my husband swearing at him. It’s just very ugly. But God reminded me to pray for her because she clearly has a lot of hurt as well, and is very troubled. And I understand that this is a spiritual battle and that the enemy is just using her to discourage us both.
Please pray for us. That my husband can forgive and figure out a way to build relationships with these children. For us to be able to explain to our kids who are still so young, what is going on. For God to heal all the pain for everybody involved.
Can I ask how old your children are …and the outside children?
My kids are 7 and 3 and the outside ones are 6,4 and 2. Why do u ask ?
I need some help. I’ve been with my husband for 8 yrs. When we got together he told me he had two children from two diffrent women. I accept it and we started our family. We have a 6 yr old little girl. she and I adored him. Well, last week he text me that he couldn’t come home; he couldnt even talk to me face to face. He said he met someone. I told him ok, just come home; we will talk about it and work it out. He said we can’t. I finally got it out of him; he met her a yr ago. She’s 21 and he’s 34 and she’s two months pregnant.
I was so hurt and even then I said I forgive you; just come home. You can be there for the baby, just come home. He said no, I don’t deserve you. We can’t fix this; it won’t ever be the same. As much as I want to hate him I can’t. I love him so much. I know people say don’t stay in a relationship because you have kids; that’s not the case. I love him and miss him. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what he was missing that he couldn’t come to me and say hey, we need to work on this. I was so blind sighted.
I need any advice. It has been so hard cause I’m so close to his family and a part of me wonders, does this girl know about me or did he tell her we were not together? Did he tell her we were separated? Should I reach out to her? He has yet to face me. I just don’t know how one day he could say I love y’all; I miss y’all, can’t wait to see y’all, and two days later say I’m sorry I can’t do this. Who does that?
I’m praying for you. You have so much strength to endure this insane situation. But I admire you for your faith in God. Wow!!!! I’m not that strong but I am trying to move forward with this thing I call a thorn in our lives. But I am so praying for you! God Bless you.
So hopefully this encourages someone because I’m reading a lot of hurting hearts. YOU WERE BORN TO BE AMAZING! Long story short… my husband got a woman pregnant from his past that we had been having problems with for some time. To add insult to injury she was pregnant with his first son, named him a Jr. and sent him to our home at a week old. As a woman I knew a mother would never just allow their child to visit the home of the father and his fiance’…she was rubbing it in if you ask me. She was rude and very nasty to me on several occasions, as if I were in the wrong.
They hid the pregnancy for months. he proposed in May of 2013, he was forced to tell me about the pregnancy in June, and they had the baby in August. After the baby was born they carried on as if they had a family! I was never mean to the child though. It was hard. I cried, and cried, and cried… but he didn’t care about anything but seeing that little boy and she didn’t care about anything but being in my fiance’s life.
We still got married in November of 2013, and I took as much as I could because I love him. By august of 2014 I was over it! I found an apartment, put down the deposit, and was preparing to silently exit… BUT I WAS PRAYING THE ENTIRE TIME MORE THAN EVER BEFORE! MARRIAGE IS NO JOKE! You have to be sincere in your vows but that also means for better or for worse….until death. I don’t believe in divorce so I was truly hurting to feel forced to leave my own husband because of the invasion of another woman.
On September 7th she died in a horrible car accident!!! I won’t lie and say I liked her AT ALL, but I felt horrible because I believe all children NEED their bio mother and father! He was only 13 months at the time of her death. He’ll never know her, but we immediately took him in! He is a joy of a little boy that I believe will be an amazing man, especially knowing that love CAN BE UNCONDITIONAL! After her death I went through months of counseling that I still attend because hurt is hard. I was raised my my mother and step father and knew I was better off without my biological father… but I still love him and forgive him for not being there and doing things right.
You can overcome the hurt of betrayal in the marriage, the embarrassment as the child born in scandal, the humiliation as the wife who’s been betrayed, the sibling of the child, etc. People don’t matter… YOU DO! Your health and sanity are what’s important. Go to counseling… by yourself… then go as a family to sort all of it out. It is even up to you to apply solutions in counseling, but for those of you who are not afraid to PRAY… PRAY that God give you guidance on how to deal and LIVE your LIFE without shame or embarrassment.
I love my husband. I love my son… and I even take him to see her family every other weekend. I’ve suffered through anxiety, hypertension, etc. through all of this but I made it through it SUCH A BETTER PERSON AND WOMAN!!
Wish nothing but good things to everyone… even your enemies and people who have hurt you and watch how the good things turn for you! Nothing horrible lasts forever… but you have to do something to make things change… even if it is nothing but prayer and counsel. God will workout the rest! Be encouraged! All of you are loved, are capable of loving, and deserve to have peace!!! Control what you can control, which is yourself and don’t be angry because it does nothing but hinder you and manifest in YOUR LIFE! I don’t know you all, but hope this encourages you even at the least.
Thank you!
I shared my story with you guys a while back, and while reading everyone stories help I’m still having a hard time moving on. My husband and I have been together our whole lives. We grew up together on the same block and were best friends before we got together in our early teens. We’re now in our early 40’s. We have 3 kids and one grandbaby. We have never been apart and I love him with all my soul. He’s a good man and a great husband and father.
We’ve both made mistakes in our past that have caused bumps in our relationship but we always got through them. But like I said before, he made a huge mistake that led to him having a child outside of our family. I forgave him because like I said, we were together since we were young. We were entitled to make mistakes. He was not a serial cheater; he has never done it before or since this incident and has proven to me over and over how sorry he is and that he’s a good man who made a horrible mistake.
My problem is even though this has been 13 years ago I can’t let it go. It was easy to pretend this situation didn’t exist when the child was younger but now that he can reach out on his own it’s hard to avoid. Because I have my issues and his love for me, my husband has not really been there for this other child. It’s starting to cause a huge strain on our relationship because he’s not the type of person who doesn’t take care of his responsibilities. He’s a very hands on dad who puts his family first no matter what.
Our kids have only seen him twice but I’ve never made my husband feel like he could bring him into our family. I start an argument even if he tries to do the littlest things I give him a hard time. I understand the whole kids are innocent thing and I don’t hate the child; he’s actually a sweet boy. I just hate the situation and can’t get the image of how he got here out of my mind and I don’t want the situation around me or in our family. I know this is selfish because my husband wants to do the right thing. I need help letting go because I really want to be supportive because I don’t want to lose my husband and my best friend because of this unfortunate situation.
Yesterday was not a good day for me as well. Just like you I had thoughts about these children being a permanent reminder of my pain. And to add insult to injury one of the children’s mother is a nightmare. It’s like she has made a vow for us to never be happy. She is constantly phoning and sending mean messages, swearing, making up lies to put doubt in my mind against my husband, the list goes on and on.
Not alot of people know about my husbands affairs and of his extra children, only close family and friends do. I am constantly living under this fear that one day this woman will show up and humiliate me infront of my family as she has made that threat before. She is a bully and out to destroy my marriage. Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up on everything. Like I can just go away and start afresh.
Wow, I feel like we have the same story. Been with my husband since 16. He is 47 and I 45. Married in 1991 and have 2 daughters between us 22 (n August) and 18. Our first 6 – 7 years were a roller coaster. We both had affairs and finally realized we needed to get our acts together. Started going to church and REALLY focused on our family.
We are SUPER involved with our daughters lives and our youngest will start college in the Fall. The oldest just graduated from college. Many years ago my husband’s other woman was pregnant and apparently it was between him and a friend of his as the father. He took a paternity test, but never saw the results from it as after speaking with an attorney he had no legal right. Our understanding is the other man was on the birth certificate and took responsibility and they ended up getting married. Later they divorced and apparently he remarried again. Seems his new wife wanted to SEE the paternity test results and it was discovered that man was NOT the father. That man despite believing that man was her father the majority of her life (14 years) completely cut the girl off.
Finally last year the mother told her about my husband and he FINALLY saw the test results and he indeed is the father. Our girls have ABSOLUTELY no idea. Like your husband, he’s done everything for this family, hard working ad VERY responsible. It kills him that this girl is a complete stranger. I’ve asked him to wait til next year to tell our girls. Like I said it’s our youngest first year of college and she is going 1200 miles from home on an athletic scholarship.
My husband has been involved with her and her sport for 11 years so this in itself is a HUGE transition for our family. Our daughter even thought about not going because she is so close with her dad and is already quite fearful of losing that daily support. He will be able to go to quite a few of the games, but again it will certainly be different than what they had done for some many years. I think he realizes telling our girls right now would really endanger the possibility of her changing her mind. She is 150% a dad’s girl. I was already worried about her going and the separation of them, this has heighten it to new levels.
I find myself being so clinging to my younger daughter, which she just equates to her leaving for college soon. But I’m so stressed when the truth finally comes out. I did tell my husband I’d be willing to meet the child. Maybe secretly hoping this will buy some time to spare my girls. I would at least encourage you to allow your husband to spend some time with the child alone and outside of the home. My husband has taken this girl to lunch a few times and they text but that is about it. The reality is she is not much younger than my youngest daughter and unfortunately she plays the same sport so we have crossed circles with her and didn’t even know.
With so much social media, the fact that your husband’s son knows about your kids he may at some point in the future try to reach out to them. For that reason, I have agreed to next year talk to our girls about it (want to get one year of college with a good start under her belt and then have the summer to love on her). I’m hoping this girl doesn’t try to reach out to them before. I think that would be horrible for them to find out other than from my husband and myself.
Like you, I don’t see this girl being part of our family and the reality is our family dynamics have changed. Our older daughter is starting her new life 2 states away where she graduated from college and hopefully next year will be living in DC working for the government. We live in California. This girl will also be going to college somewhere, so I just don’t see it.
I just THANK GOD everyday even before this was discovered, for this GREAT MAN I have that loves our girls so much, deeply and would give or do anything for them. I will pray for your family too and like I said do the baby step and please give your husband the ability to spend some time with this boy solo. I have faith in you sister, I know you can do that. :)
I’m in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I got engaged last December and I just found out he’s having an affair and the girl is a few weeks pregnant. Most of my friends and family are telling me to leave since we don’t have kids together, but I love him. But the girl he got pregnant is getting rude. He goes out some evenings and I don’t see him until the next day. I don’t know what to do about this. Help!
Jimmira, I’m going through similar, wish I could talk to you.
Thank you for your story. I have just recently found out that my fiancé fathers a baby boy with a woman who he has history with. Their son is only 12 weeks older than ours who has turned 3 months a week ago. I am still reeling in the shock. The heartache is deep and the pain is so unbearable. I cry each time I think about this and the way I found out too. Where do I start? We have an 8 year old daughter together, a 3 month old son. He has a son from his previous relationship and so do I, but we’ve been together for 13 years so both these boys have grown up like brothers and we always saw us as one complete family. This new situation has completely shattered our worlds. The kids don’t know anything as yet.
I’ve asked him to move out and live by his mum because seeing him just angers me all the time and I didn’t want us to get into an argument that might alarm the kids that there was “this” problem. We are trying to find a way to tell the kids this because we know it will devastate them too. I don’t know how I can go forward? Reading hopeful messages help but I still feel that I don’t think I can survive this. My world has just come to an end. The mother of this “affair baby” has orchestrated this. She set out to lure him as she warned me many times that she got it right. If we need to go forward, how do I know that she won’t continue this vendetta? This is hard.
Clara, as devastating as this is, the fact is that this woman is not all to blame. Yes, she may have gone after your boyfriend, but you are not married, so honestly, he is fair game. Also, she can’t do anything as far as carrying out a vendetta if your boyfriend does not give her ground. He is just as much to blame as she is… maybe even more so because he not only was unfaithful to you, but to his children. He didn’t consider what this would do to them…only what he wanted when he wanted it. I can have a hundred men go after me, but if I don’t give them the time of day and see them as threatening to my family (which they would be), then there would be no sexuality that would go on between us. And if there is no sexuality, then there is no baby. All of this is not to mention my OWN character issues that would show forth if I’m fooling around with someone else when I’m supposed to be faithful to one, as well as my family.
Clara… honestly, you will never know if this woman will go after your husband more… probably she will. He has now given her a foothold in having sex with her and in giving her a child. But even more disturbing is the fact that he would be a part of that –whether he encourages it or not. It shows that he is caught up into himself, without consideration to those who love him –those he should be protecting.
You don’t have the same reconciliation issues involved because you aren’t married. There is no vow made before God and with God that should be considered if you were married. You never mention the Lord in what you have written here so I’m not sure where you and your boyfriend stand in that. But this is not just a fidelity issue, it’s also a spiritual issue. I hope you will draw close to the Lord for guidance. HE can give you wisdom, when no one else can do so as well. As you and he draw close to the Lord, you will draw close to Truth, and so much of these types of muddy issues and what to do about them can be cleared away. You will still have a mess going on, because of past unwise decisions that were made. But you will have clearer ideas of what you should do about all of them –how to handle them with consideration to your children and their and your future. You DON’T want a cheating lifestyle lived out in your life, and also in front of them. If there can’t be fidelity and truthfulness lived out, then it will continue to taint your and their future and teach them things that I’m not sure you want to teach them. These are hard facts… I’m sorry to say them to you when you are already hurting. But I pray you will prayerfully consider them all and pray that as you go to and lean into the Lord, He will help you in the ways you most need it.
Really lady?! Even though they may not be married, the pain and anguish is the same. How dare you even imply that it is different?! Everyone’s story is different, DON’T judge a relationship. They have a lot of reconciliation to do, even though they aren’t married.
I’ve been married to my husband for just one month shy of a year, and we have been together for 7 years. Since I’ve known him, he said he wanted children. I told him no kids before marriage. Last year we finally got married. The sex has been lacking… to the point where we were married in May 2014, the last time was in June or July 2014, and he seems disinterested.
I had an affair, and got pregnant in December of last year. I told him in March and he said he’ll divorce me; there’s no way he’ll raise someone else’s child. He got the papers from the court and signed up for his own apartment. We both agree –how ironic I tell him all along no kids before marriage… and I end up with a child from another man. But he was making no effort to get us there. I wish I had just talked with him.
The father of the baby in me is unresponsive. All my family is out of state but I don’t want to move so I can have insurance. I’m also hoping for a change of heart from either man… I have to wonder sometimes… if this is God punishing me for having an affair and how to overcome this. I cry all the time and am embarrassed and heart broken of how I let my life take these turns. People tell me a baby is a gift from God no matter how it got there, and maybe my husband and I weren’t meant to be, as nothing would have been able to come between us. I don’t know, just in so much pain and worried all my crying will hurt the baby… praying for forgiveness.
I’ve been in my stepdaughters life for 5 years now. I realize a daddy/daughter bond is unique, but I can’t help feeling a little pain when she always chooses him over me. She was the result of an affair, and I surely haven’t handled this situation as gracefully as I could have —her mother was no help. However, I’ve always done so much for my SD and have always been concerned about her well-being.
She doesn’t talk much but I noticed she plays really well with other children. It’s hard to show her affection when it always feels like she couldn’t care any less about being around me. She’ll run up to my parents and hug them when she sees them; she’ll do the same with other family members too, but rarely with me. I wonder if her mom puts things in her head for her to be confused about how she should treat me.
I’ve been in her life since she was born so you’d think we would be closer. When she is over I’m the one who helps with baths, who brushes and styles her hair, who polishes her nails… I really do try. She used to even call me momma when she was smaller and now calls me by my name. The other day I was very surprised by her actions. Her and I were waiting on her dad so I tried talking to her, she wouldn’t respond and kept shrugging her shoulder but the moment her younger cousin hopped in the car, she leaned over and began to whisper secretively in her cousin’s ear.
I know it may sound odd, but sometimes I get the feeling that she is fully aware of her behavior. I feel like she treats me differently on purpose, which furthers my suspicions about her mother. I don’t know, maybe it’s all in my head but it definitely hurts my feelings. I could understand if I was new in her life, but she has never known life any different. She’s always had a mommy and another mommy with daddy in our home.
Hi Emerald, I admire you for trying. Situations like this are never easy and will never be normal. There will always be somebody feeling some type of way no matter how hard you try. That’s why I choose not to deal with it and not bring the situation into my family. Even though the child my husband had outside is almost 13 and I never had any issue with his mom since he was born, I just can’t bring myself to deal with him because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love him like my own. I try to support my husband with however he wants to deal with him, but he understands that this child will never really be a part of our family.
I admire you because you’re willing to try. Sometimes I wish I could. I do agree that it sounds like your stepdaughter may be behaving this way because of things she hears. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about whatever her mom is putting in her head. You can only continue being you. She’s lucky she has you in her life; you sound like a nice person.
I’m in a similar situation. At the time we were just dating. We were at least 3 years in with my now husband, when the baby’s mother told me she was pregnant. We were pregnant at the same time. Even after 8 years it stills hurt. When she comes over I treat her as my own, but she rarely even talks to me. I honestly feel that I should have left when I found out, but the love for him wouldn’t let me.
Every time she comes over I get reminded of how he cheated on me. I have tried to forget and act ok, but again it’s hard… knowing he could cheat on me with her again still lingers in my mind. I HATE when she call or texts. I love him, but don’t think I could handle this situation at all… It HURTS!!! I feel that when mistresses get pregnant they hold that over your head, by being able to stay in your life.
I pray everyone finds peace and a clear heart, because I know the struggle.
Hi Jennifer, I know all too well your struggle! My husband had a son from an affair. His son is 14 and it doesn’t get easier. I find it to become more difficult with time. I also have 2 daughters with him.
I’m hoping my daughters will have as normal of a childhood as I can give them with their dad. With that said I so feel your hurt and pain. My wish for you and anyone in this situation is to find some peace!
I am a product of an affair. My biological father lied to my mom, saying he was divorced at the time of my conception. I grew up never knowing him or my half-siblings. I am now an adult in my 30s and I have found some of my family. Only two of those relatives have accepted me and I thank God for that and for them.
A truly loving relationship is happening with each of them; however, my father, his wife (who he cheated on at the time of my conception), an Aunt and my Grandma have all made it clear that they want nothing to do with me. I just found out two days ago that my Grandma lives in the same town as me. She has this whole time. I have her curly hair. She doesn’t even want to know me.
I am so angry and hurt that my father’s sin has caused so much pain and damage, for so many. And I feel like I’ve been punished my entire life for his mistakes and still am. I sometimes try to imagine how it might feel to be in their shoes, but it still doesn’t excuse the way they are treating me..
So to hear that, it’s a tough situation to be in… I accepted my husband mistress child, but the mother made it hard for me to continue. It’s too much drama, which in fact leaves the child in pain. I hope that they’ll one day think about what they’re doing, to at least make an effort.
I can also relate to your story. I’m currently pregnant and biological father did nothing but tell lies on top of lies. It actually turns out that he is a pathological liar. He was not only lying to me, but to his wife and three teenage children. While his wife has decided to forgive him and take him back, she doesn’t realize the fantasy world he was and is still trying to create with me at the same time. I also found out that I was not the first or only person he was cheating on her with.
Even after I ended things, he still won’t leave me alone and continues to reach out to me on a regular basis. One day he wants to sign his rights away and another day, he’s taking me to court and another day, he wants me to give him another chance. He’s an alcoholic and he and his wife call the cops on each other all the time! Their three kids suffer as they have to witness this on a regular basis! I don’t want my unborn child to be any part of their drama or toxic world that they continue to create!
If your mom kept you from your biological father (and his family) then she might have done you a favor as she could have been acting in YOUR best interest. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses. No child should have to go through or witness this.
Hear, Hear!!! People always talk about the toll of adultery on the cheater’s family, his/her children but never on the children who never asked to be born out of this mess. We have to bear the shame of our parents’ sinful and selfish choices, sometimes, our whole life.
I am not in touch with my father’s family, not only because my mother made sure it’ll be the case but also because I can’t stand the idea of seeing in their eyes, that I’m a reminder of what my Dad did. Besides, to them, I’m the daughter of my mother, the homewrecker.
A few months ago, I was in my hometown and decided to let my dad know I was there. We haven’t spoken in 7 years and I wasn’t even sure his phone number was still working. He was surprised to hear me, a little bit apprehensive though. He told me he couldn’t meet me in the upcoming days because some very,very, very old relative was on her deathbed and that he was sick himself. I said: “Fine”; I wasn’t expecting anything, I just called him because he’s getting old and I didn’t want to carry the guilt of traveling to my hometown WITHOUT even letting him know I was there. I also wanted to let him know that I was holding no grudge towards him. Long story short, he got admitted to the ER 4 days after my phone call and was operated on right away. He had some people keep me in the loop as things were going on. I traveled back home and decided to call him to check up on him 10 days later. And what did he say when he picked up, all alive: ” I almost died, I’m fine now. I was wondering if you were still around. I’m in the middle of an interview, can you call back?” Did I mention that it takes 2 flights of 6.5 hr each between my hometown and where I live now and that there’s a 5hr time difference between us? I didn’t call back and I don’t intend to.
I did my part, actually more than I should. I honored him even though he didn’t deserve it, most of the time. I’m done feeling unwanted. I’m sure, his conscience’s gonna catch up with him very soon. I’m done feeling guilty, I’ve done nothing wrong, I haven’t asked to be born, let alone, under such circumstances. I know that my mom’s now having regrets for lots of decisions she made while she was young and my dad’s on top of that list. I’m also sure that the same thing’s happening for my dad since out of the blue, while I was there, he texted me that he loved me: too bad, his actions didn’t, never match his words.
If it can help, have a look at Jesus’s genealogy. You’ll find King David who was adulterous once, Rahab the prostitute from Jericho, Jacob the swindler, Abraham who kicked out his own flesh Ishmael and his mother because his wife Sara asked him to do so. My point? Out of all these dysfunctional biblical families, the Messiah was born. It is God who defines a person’s worth. Being rejected by your own flesh and blood, especially when you did nothing wrong to deserve that, is crushing to the soul and one’s self-esteem. However, the Lord can swoop in and fill that void. I’m still angry but trust me, way less angry than I used to be. The Lord, in his mercy, pointed out those bondage to me and cut off some of them. Please look up for this powerful song: “Break the chains” of Tasha Cobb.
I am trying to overcome anger and self hatred. I am now thirty. I believe a lot of it spurs from how I was raised and the circumstance of my birth. My mother was married and had two daughters (my older siblings). When my sisters were 7 and 9, my mother and her husband took in a friend to help him out. During this time, my mother felt her marriage was not well and the friend also had a marriage that was not well.
At some point they decided to fall in love and have a child (me). Soon after conceiving, my mother started a divorce process with my sisters’ father. All I know is it was messy between getting custody of my siblings and being pregnant and birthing me and finalizing a birth. My parents raised all of us as though we were all one family with my older sisters visiting every other weekend to their father.
Now there has been LOTs of change in terms of my parents coming into realization of what they did was wrong and apologizing to us all and continually growing in Christ relationship for my parents. I was growing for a while and developing a trust and faith in Christ, but now I’m stuck and can’t get past the anger and self hatred. Any advice on what could help? Thanks
I’m born as a result of an affair on my dad’s side. When he met my mother he never told her he was married. Sadly she got pregnant. He is still married to the same woman who has no idea I exist as he never told her. He wasn’t there for me growing up. I think my mother felt that was best but I eventually ended up meeting him when I was 13.
I didn’t care about knowing my other side of my family because I had a dad now just like everyone else. Few years on and I just want this dirty secret out into the open. I want to meet my nanny, my sister, and my uncles. Why should I suffer? Can you imagine? They don’t even know I exist.
I’m very fond of writing and am going to pursue a career in journalism through social media. I found out that my cousin is also fond of writing. I would love to get tips from him. Sadly, he doesn’t know I exist. I’ve cried a hundred times but my mother only says the result of this secret may even be that his side won’t want anything to do with me because of his adultery. I’m heart broken and am going to burst eventually. What do you think I should do?
My father cheated on my mother my whole childhood with a woman he met at work. I have two younger siblings who have gone through this journey with me. My father has been drained from paying child support. He makes over $100K a year and can barely afford to send me money at college or provide food on the table. The children from the affair ages 10 & 13 have recently come into his life, because he has to see them, so he can afford to pay his bills.
I am in such neglect of these children, I refuse to be anywhere near them. I feel like being around them is a slap in my face and my mother’s. My parents are now divorced after my mom found out about the second child 5 years ago. I feel comfort and peace being on the site to know other children that were not from the affair. AKA the ones who get hurt the most. I have read stories about how children from the affair are more damaged, but let me tell you how it feels to think your father is not good enough for you and your family that he has to go start another family with someone else.
I will never be a part of those children’s lives, because that would mean I have put my guard down to the mistress. WOMEN- lets start being strong women and STOP sleeping with other women’s husbands and families. As a child from a father who had an affair on her mother, I am broken. This has easily been the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I am always so embarrassed to tell anyone or even think about it in my head. I have asked God to make from this world so many times all because my father and his mistress couldn’t keep their hands off each other. THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN AND THE OTHER FAMILIES INVOLVED.
As a child who is the product of an affair, I won’t even get into the “who are the most hurt children: the legitimate ones or the love child?” I am reading your testimony and remember how one of my close friends used to have tons of resentment for her father’s love child. One day, out of the blue, he just brought that kid home and his wife had to raise her. My friend’s dad was a very “peculiar” man and I’m trying to carefully choose my words. As per my friend, he used to criticize his wife with the love child, hence my friend’s growing resentment towards her when they were teens. We’re all in our late 30s now, all of this is water under bridges and my friend has come to the realization that she was luckier than the love child.
Why? Because not only she shared the same mother with her other 5 siblings, but at least, she got to live with both her dad and her mother, in her house and didn’t have to always feel like a stranger. My friend has also understood that her half-sibling wasn’t the enemy, but just a victim like her. She’s very close to her sister now.
It’s really important to separate the actions of adults from their consequences which in these situations, are children who have never asked to be born under such circumstances. I think that you’re going through a serious case of misplaced anger. Be angry at your dad if you want, at the other woman, but be loyal at your mother. It’s your right but be that resentful at those kids? IMO, you need to pinpoint who you’re really angry at and not direct your anger toward innocents who can’t even defend themselves against your ire. Did they go themselves to the court and ask to be supported? Once again, did they even ask to be born?
You’ve been punished for the actions of your father and his mistress; your half-sibling is being punished for the actions of the same people since they’re hated by someone they don’t even know or ever did anything wrong to (that’s you, btw); your mother was punished by the actions of your father and his mistress. On top of things, the 2 people guilty of adultery, will forever be guilty of what they did. If they ask God for forgiveness AND ask ALL the injured parties (children included) for forgiveness, God will pardon them but that doesn’t mean they were not guilty. They will always be guilty of having had an affair but it doesn’t mean they can’t be redeemed. Please, this is a Christian website so carefully read the story of King David, Uriah and Bathscheba! See what a hefty price was paid by David for entering into an adulterous relationship (assorted with premeditated murder), don’t put the blame on innocent parties. You are not your dad so why should those half-siblings be their mother?
Thank you for saying that, because some people don’t understand what we (the family) go through as well. The hurt and pain, anger, resentment. We go through things just like the child in the affair does. The other women, I just don’t know what to say about some women….when you know a man is married go the other way and vice-versa, think of ALL the people involved who will get hurt. Prayer changes things!
I am a father of 4 beautiful children with my wife. As a result of an affair I am no longer having, I also have another child. My wife and I are co-habitating right now. My 4 children know nothing, nor do any members of our extended family. This is especially difficult for my wife as she feels that this secret is consuming her. The biggest question is about telling our children ages 8, 11 and 13.
Hey Kevin, I’m in a similar situation and am going through a few things, and am curious how you’re dealing with them. I had an affair, as well, that resulted in a child. Rather than own it, I decided to keep it a secret and continue the affair over a total of almost 5 years. My wife and I are co-habitating, as well, and have a 7 year old son. The child through the affair is a 3 year old girl.
I’ve been seeing the child since she was born and we continued the affair until recently. I’m paying support and the mother has moved on, rather quickly I might add. My question is, will you/have you been seeing the child still? I recently decided to not visit the child anymore as I feel it will bring more confusion into the situation, especially with the mother moving on.
I do want to meet her again in life and will be sending her cards/gifts on special occasions so she knows I exist and that I do love and care for her. I feel guilty about doing this but also feel it will be the best for her in the long run and was curious as to how others have dealt with this in their situations…
My husband had the affair and that child we raise with shared custody -is a pre-teen now. We’ve weathered this many years now. It’s always difficult but here is what you can do to ease your wife’s pain-stop making a fool of her and tell her the truth. I recommend severing ties with mother and child. If you do stay in contact with or share custody of the child with the outsider to the marriage set up court ordered dna first. It may be a non-issue as many affair partners have multiple partners themselves. To set up this dna you and your wife should request it through an attorney together with no contact with the outsider to the marriage.
If you are proven to be the father have custody papers drawn saying there will be no phone contact unless child is in the hospital dying –not outsider’s uncle bob –child only –not for 2 stitches or a cold but only if dying. Communicate only through text or email so there is legal proof of her craziness because when you do the right thing by the wife you love, the outsider will get crazy –which is her problem and helps you and your wife with custody. Resist the temptation of believing the outsider is crazy in love with you –the outsider is just mad she got shafted and will destroy your wife because you made the right choice and picked your wife.
Pick up the child up from school even if you must put them in pre-school to avoid any contact and let your wife only pick the child up. Teach the child your wife is to be called mom as well and is the most important female in your life and that you committed a huge sin against the Lord, yourself, and your wife but are very sorry and will not allow your wife to be treated with anything less than the place the Lord gave her as 1st in your life when God gave you the gift of your wife. Never attend sports/activities on outsider’s custody days or if you suspect that outsider will go.
Doing all of this will not stop the pain but will minimize future pain and gives your a plan of how to save your marriage and be in your child’s life. Always your marriage is priority –God 1st then your wife. Never go to outsider’s house for child exchange –always have your wife pickup/exchange, not you, and if school’s out have your wife meet her in a safe open public place like a police department because the outsider will most likely be full of vengeance and hatred for your decision to save your marriage and follow God not Satan. Satan gets crazy when he thinks he’s losing sinners.
This is terrible advice! Please remember that this child is your child. This sweet Gift from God deserves her father in her life. Blaming the girls mother for the sins of both mother and father is not fair. “Outsider” really? How terrible. This person is raising your child.
I met my future husband in 1996. We began dating and got engaged in 2000, planned on a July 2004 wedding. I found out during our engagement that my then fiancé had produced two baby girls by two different women. One was born in July 2001 and the other baby was born Nov 2002. I was hurt and devastated when he told me in 2003 that he had to take a DNA and both came back positive. Needless to say, I was so hurt & devestated by his infidelity that I called off our weeding.
After a separation and as time went by we got back together and continued with the initial planing of our wedding that took place as planned. My husband has been paying child support ever since he was reported by the bio mothers. Due to different issues between us we separated for 5 years (I moved out the house in 2008).
Fast forward, 2013 we reconciled and bought a house in Jan 2014. Been to counseling and we’re doing alright now. My husband is not really in either child’s life at this time. Baby #1 bio mom is a drug addict and she never had custody of the child. This child has been shifted from one relative to the next. Currently she lives in another city about 1 hr away with her aunt through marriage that has a daughter the same age as her. According to the aunt and daughter the arrangement is not working out very well. There is major fighting and bickering between the two girls (14 yr old) and my hysband’s daughter does not get along with her guardian/aunt very well.
The aunt calls and complains about her behavior once a week or so. There may be some favoritism in the household, which is not good. The aunt asked my husband if his daughter can stay with us for a “few weeks” and she’ll be sending her daughter off to visit with her dad for a couple of weeks because she needs a mental break.
I have mixed feelings about this for numerous reasons. My son & daughter are both grown (ages 26 & 29, I’m a grandmother now). My husband works swing/split shifts and is rarely home, and when he is home he’s dead tired and just sleeps. His only day off is Sunday. I work fulltime, however, over half the time out the week I work from home. I don’t keep my own grandchildren past the weekend. I stress out and have anxiety issues due to menopause.
His daughter’s birthday is today and I agreed that I’ll go with him to visit her for the day on Saturday but she has probably been told that she’s coming back home with us. Please help me!!!
I’ve been with the father of my 4 boys since 2004, just turned 17, he was 22. By the time I was 18 I had our first child 08/05, 6/06 our second child and 11/08 we had twins. The first 4 years 2004-08 were on and off between us, alot of problems, arguments, disagreements etc. To make a long story short in 2011 we broke up and didn’t want to continue being a family. A year later we got back together and tried again. What I didnt know in that time is he messed around with some young chick he didnt even know and she ends up pregnant. When he moved back in he didn’t tell me about it because I guess the girl told him time didn’t add up for it to be his.
So A year later we were going through hard times again on the verge of a break up, I looked in his fb account and saw messages back and forth from him and this girl claiming he’s the father of her 2 year old son. This is a little off subject but she named her son Jayden KNOWING our first born sons name is Jayden as well!!! Who does that?!?!?! So once I see that I’m literally crushed! I’ve always told myself if he ever had kids with someone else that was my sign from GOD to let it go. And we split up for a little bit again. A few months pass and we’re back living together. They end up getting a dna test through the state and he’s the father!!!!! We are currently together and our relationship has been better than ever excluding the stress pain and hurt feelings this situation has brought.
The thing I’m struggling with is, I didn’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this, him being a father to someone elses kid, him having to have a relationship in some type of way with another woman…man I don’t know if I can overcome my selfish feelings. I’m scared because this is the only man I’ve ever loved, my first and only relationship and the father of my 4 boys but I don’t know if I can handle this other situation. I know it’s not the babies fault. And on the other hand I also know it’s not right to stand in the way of him being a father to his son.
I don’t know what to do; I feel like this whole thing is breaking me down mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually!! I feel like im losing faith! I want to keep my family together for my boys but do I do that at the expense of my own happiness? But then again he does make me happy too. He technically didn’t cheat on me because we were broken up! I just don’t know if I can do any of this anymore!! Any advice is appreciated and sorry for this extremely long post!
Hi Sarah, I absolutely understand how you feel. I have shared my feelings on this site twice in the last few months. I’ve been with my husband my whole life. We both made mistakes but we’ve never ever been apart. His one mistake resulted in him having a son outside of our relationship. This mistake doesn’t define him in any way because he’s a good man, despite it. He’s always been a great dad and husband and he always puts his family first. That is why I forgave him and I stayed because the good definitely outweighed the bad.
However, with all that being said I will not accept this child. He is not a part of our family and I doubt he ever will be. He’s now 13 years old. I feel bad for putting my husband in a position where he has to choose but it’s what it is. I can’t bring myself to support him with this. I feel like this, the mother knew exactly what the situation was, she chose to bring a child into this world knowing it would not have the type of dad all kids deserve so now she has to be mommy and daddy to this child.
Yes, I understand that kids are innocent and don’t ask to be born but why do I now have to be the bigger person and care when it was all well and good when you were doing me wrong? Like I said, it sucks that my husband has to choose because he is a good guy and I know that he feels bad that he’s not really in this child’s life but he has chosen his family.
I know I may come off as bitter and harsh but I can’t help how I feel. I’m not forcing him to make this decision; he made it because he loves me. My advice to you is if you feel like your husband is worth it fight for your relationship. This other woman sounds like a hot mess. It’s a shame that the kid is in a bad situation but remember you didn’t cause it. I used to wonder if I was a bad person for feeling this way but I’ve read almost all of the stories on here and I see my feelings are perfectly normal.
So, I’m only 22 years old, and my fiancé is 24. We’ve been together just past 4 years. Since we met it has been a crazy roller coaster! He has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship. When I met him I was pregnant at the time but didn’t know it yet, and when I found out he stuck by my side throughout the pregnancy and has been there for my daughter ever since who is now 3years old. Throughout those years he has had MANY infidelity issues and has been with multiple women. So there is already a history of hurt and betrayal.Despite all the hurt from that we were madly in love with each other. We were living together throughout his infidelities, and around last year his sister in law (who’s my best friend) had told me she heard rumors he got his son’s mother pregnant again..mind you we were together at the time. So I confronted him about it and he totally denied it so I left it alone.
Then a few months went by and she told me again being 100% positive with proof she was, so I confronted him and he was honest about it. I immediately left the house and didn’t talk to him for about a month. When I was ready, I came back yet while I was gone he was playing house with her while coming to the place I was staying at begging and crying for me to come back home. So you can imagine my shock when I find that out. I left again and eventually came back. We never discussed what happened, why it happened, how it happened, why he did it, never.. Not even to this day! We act like it never happened.
Time went on, the baby was born, he was never there for the birth; never there for the child really in the first year of her life. As much as I know it was wrong I expressed on several occasions if he wanted to be in this child’s life that I wasn’t going to be with him and would walk away and never look back. It hurts so much just to know he not only cheated but went as far as got her pregnant, that there is NO WAY I could ever face this child and bare the pain and hurt that would bring me. To me, our family was us and his son and my daughter. That’s how it has been for 4 years.
At the same time I couldn’t imagine having to explain to my 3 year old this new child already 1, all of sudden coming into the family and being her step sister, let alone the confusion that would bring to her. I actually met her with my fiancé and the mother of the child to see if I could be comfortable so she could come to our house for visits and I couldn’t even stay for more than 5 minutes and I just cried the whole rest of the day. And because of his love for me he was not involved.
This last December we found I was pregnant and in March of this year, after we had bee attending church faithfully and getting closer with God he had expressed to me he was hurting from not being in her life, and basically was now giving me an ultimatum that he was gonna bring her around whether I liked it or not. This angered me and filled me with rage. I chose to leave he house and call off our engagement. Our daughter was born in August and I’m raising her and my daughter in a separate home from my fiancé. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, there’s no one I’d rather be with and he is the love of my life.
As much as I’ve prayed, we’ve even done a little counseling, yet nothing can take away the hurt and anger that fills me up. I have so much hate and resentment towards him for that. I cannot bring myself to accept the child or the situation. I feel humiliated, embarrassed, and as a woman feel as though I’mm belittling myself if I accept what has happened. I feel as a mother to 2 girls, I wouldn’t be showing them the example of what a man needs to be in your life.
My father is a pastor and I was raised in church my whole life so I know I’m wrong for keeping him away. I know God can do anything but I feel as though what’s best for me is I need to walk away from the situation and move on and just be the woman of God and mother I need to be for my children. Yet at the same time I feel like I’m giving up on my family, my love, and giving my girls a home with two parents. I’m at a crossroads. Any verses, similar stories, advice would help. And I ask that you just keep me and my family in your prayers. Thank you for reading this. This site has gave me a lot of insight and help.
Sara, It’s difficult to even know what to write to you. Part of me wants to hug you, and another part of me wants to shake you. I need to address the “elephant in the room” before I say anything more. But as the daughter of a pastor, did you NOT know that having sex with someone who isn’t your husband, and living with him is sin? I don’t know how to say it any other way. I don’t want to throw stones at you –especially when you’re in pain already. But I know I have to address this issue. If you claim to be a follower of Christ, then you are my sister and I need to talk straight to you as an older sister would/should do. Sisters should protect each other from further harm.
If you are not married to this guy, then you have no real “rights” to establish a home with him. Think about it, what are you teaching your children by living with this guy –not being married to him? Just because your heart is drawn to this guy, it doesn’t mean that you can do anything you want to with him. Planning to marry, and playing marriage, in the meantime, isn’t something you are to do. You HAVE to know that. There… I said it… now you need to pray about it. There ARE limits that God establishes to protect you (and your children) from this type of situation. And when and IF you marry, you need to marry someone who has good morals, and good character –for your sake and for the sake of your children.
I truly do sympathize with you. You sound like a really nice gal. But you haven’t been guarding your heart (or your body), and as a result, you are in a horrible situation. Even if you both DID marry when you first were tempted to live together, I’m not saying that he wouldn’t have gone out and cheated on you. Sadly, tragically, some spouses will do that to the other. It should never be. But when you aren’t even married… all the more this type of thing can happen. The ties you’ve had going on between you were shaky… and not sacred.
As far as what you can do about this… I’m not sure. Personally (and it may seem easier for me to say this because I’m not in love with the guy… I’m not even liking him much, at this point), I would be afraid to marry him (if he still wanted to) because of the cheating nature that he has revealed. I wouldn’t want to keep exposing my heart to that, nor would I want it for my children –it’s toxic to be raised in a household where unfaithfulness is lived out and continues. You can still be the “woman of God and mother” you “need to be” for your children. I encourage you to do so. I pray God will give you the strength.
But as far as continuing to live with or marrying this guy… I caution you. Living with him again, is not good in any way, but marrying him doesn’t seem to be good either. This daughter that he was responsible for bringing into this world, will be in his life –one way or another, both physically and/or emotionally. When you have a child together with someone –that’s what happens. And his cheating ways CAN come up again. You have to know that. You would be taking a gamble.
You may be “giving up” on your “family, love,” and on giving your “girls a home with two parents,” but what kind of home life would you truly be giving them –a home filled with anger, resentment, and strife? I’m not sure I’d want to volunteer for that one. I AM praying for you. My heart sympathizes with you greatly, and goes out to your girls too. I just hope that you will prayerfully consider the WHOLE picture here –not just your emotions over the split. Sometimes a split (especially when you aren’t married yet) is better than the alternative. Prayerfully consider: what do you think Jesus would have you do?
Thanks for replying! And no offense taken. I’ve heard that many times before. Although I was raised in church, the daughter of a pastor. I’m far from perfect and going through that time was far, far away from God and not allowing him to be in my life. That’s not the case now. I’m just fully seeking and trusting God. I’ve just allowed myself to have time to myself, to not really be in contact with him unless it is about the baby because as you addressed before (which my father has told me many times) a man is not going to act as though you’re his wife, or respect you in that manner when you’re just giving yourself to him without that commitment and expectation.
So with that, and just the situation as a whole, I know it’s best for me to just be the best parents we can to our daughter and pursue nothing more then that, because that isn’t the home and environment I want to be in, but more importantly my children. So please continue to pray that God guides me and it be His will and not mine.
I have been with my husband since we were 14&15. We have two boys together a 8yr old & 6yr old. We are still very young. My husband is a great father to our children. I worked a job that required me to work many long hours. My husband got on drugs badly & still was a great father but was very jealous & angry of all the hours I worked because it took so much time away from our family. He wanted me to stop working and I refused.
One day his anger took over him & he attacked me. I ran away scared from him & all our problems. He went to jail for 6 months. I never stopped loving him but when he went to jail I slept with another man (My boss) and became pregnant. When my husband got out a month later we worked on things & fell inlove again. He talks to my belly and is very happy & connected to him. He still gets angry about the fact that he can’t be there. This other man has sued me & my huaband so that he could get 50/50 custody. My husband wants to be there for me but now that the other man is a part of our life I can see the jealousy build up. I feel so guilty for what I did. I should have stayed to help my husband with his addiction.
I do not regret my child; I do regret his father. I find myslef crying often because when it comes time to deliver, which is any day, my husband cannot be there to support me. This other man knows of my husband’ abuse & does not want him around his child. He has not been here for me through any of my pregnancy, my husband has. I love my husband so much & I dont want to lose him again. Our children are so happy that we are all back together. I’m not sure what I can do – I just keep having faith in God that he will help me hold my family together.
My boyfriend is 32, and I’m 47. His mother and father had an adulterous affair; his mother was married at the time and had children 10 years older than my boyfriend. On the birth certificate she stated her true, married name, yet lied about her birth date. We researched this, and she is still living in the town. We purchased a trial membership on a Spokeo and People Finders website, where we found her current address, phone number, and her family relations.
After I contacted her daughter on Facebook, she accepted my friend request. I explained who I was and that my boyfriend had been abandoned, or separated, from his mother when he was just 1 year old. She sent a message confirming her mother’s name, that her father recently died, and that they have always lived in the same small town, (of 1,000 people now, much smaller in 1984). However, she said she didn’t “think” that her mother was the one that we were looking for. I sent her his birth certificate stating we believe his mother may have lied about her age, but not her location, or name. We also sent her a photo. Her son looks exactly like my boyfriend. Since she is a hairdresser I asked her to please spread the news and ask around, (if maybe there was a different woman by that name, that could’ve lived there).
She never responded. We also sent a copy of the birth certificate and photo of him to the address where his mother lives. We have no response. In 2013 the Steve Harvey Show interviewed him, but never called back to schedule a time for him to appear. We’ve contacted the police in her area, who told us, she’s never had a driver’s license, but has 4 cars registered in her name; which they wondered why no one caught this. We’ve called public records and have gotten a DNA profile for him. We used her last name in a search on Ancestry.com. We’ve exhausted our search.
I was going to put a post up on Facebook about children born out of adulterous affairs, but her daughter might delete me as a friend. I understand she had her reasons, but no child needs to be punished for their parent’s choices. She should be held accountable and own up to her decisions; not leave him on a street corner to die. He’s suffered; and the not knowing who is the worst. We told her in the letter that he just wants to know his roots; that he would only be interested in a relationship if she would be. To top it all off, his father died when he was just 7 years old. He doesn’t know much about his roots.