Since the beginning of humankind, we have been experiencing the pull towards that, which is “forbidden.” God says, “no” to some things, and just like Eve in the Garden of Eden, we allow ourselves to entertain the question, “Did God actually say…” This is no less true as it pertains to Christians dating non-Christians —the “forbidden fruit.”
It can be tempting to go out with someone we are attracted to and think, “this one time won’t hurt.” But then the temptation arises to go out on another occasion, and then another. Each time there seems to be some good reason why we think it would be okay.
Outside the Boundaries
For some reason, when it concerns matters of the heart, we can often be swayed to wander further outside of God’s boundaries than we may on other matters. There are so very many reasons why this happens. But we need to beware. God is very serious in what He tells us concerning our “affections.” We are told in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
‘I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them,’ says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.’
A Challenge to Consider
For those of you who are dating, or are tempted to date a nonbeliever, I’d like to challenge you to reconsider.
To help you in this mission I have provided links below to several thought-provoking articles and videos.
It is our hope that they will challenge the thinking of those of you who are considering, whether the person you are dating (who isn’t a Believer), could truly be “the one” you should marry.
Please prayerfully read and consider what God is saying to your heart —especially in light of the verses in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
The following are links that will take you to these specific articles:
• DATING NON-CHRISTIANS: Forbidden Fruits Appeal – Part 1
• DATING NON-CHRISTIANS: Forbidden Fruits Appeal – Part 2
And then below you will find another article that I encourage you to read. Here is the article where Steve Shirley gives his biblically-based answer to the question:
A Video to Watch
And then here’s something you may want to view on this issue, talked about by Pastor Tim Keller. It’s a Q&A video on the subject of “Dating a Non-Christian.” You may find this very insightful:
— PLUS —
Below is a link to a video titled, “Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian” with Jefferson and Alyssa Bethke. In it, Jefferson makes the point:
“Why would you want to date someone where it could lead to marriage —the closest human relationship you could ever have, when Jesus, who is closest to you personally, is someone they don’t share with you? … God is part of your identity —it is who you are.”
He also quotes Tim Keller (the speaker above) and says:
“When you date someone who’s not a follower of Jesus, one of two things happens. The first one is —you put God at the center and that person you’re dating is on the outskirts. You feel like you’re always separating because you’re trying to get closer to God. That is something they can’t understand. So you drift. OR you put the person at the center of your relationship and God is on the outskirts. This is because they don’t share that experience. And when you have decisions to make, it causes you to drift apart from God. It’s only when you both are followers of Jesus that you can be on this journey together.”
Jefferson Warns:
“Don’t get caught up in just looking for a Christian —someone who says he (or she) is a Christian. Look for someone who is a disciple of Jesus.”
He also warns:
“Don’t play the flirt to convert game.”
Alyssa then goes on to talk about “settling” where too often we “settle for less” because we don’t trust God enough. You can listen to what she says and he says on this, plus more.
Please Watch:
I pray this helps in some way. Please know that the person you are dating, considering dating, or even considering marrying (who is not a follower of Jesus), may be a wonderful person in many ways. However, that doesn’t mean that you should be “yoked” with him or her in the sacred relationship of marriage.
And please don’t pull a “Sarah” where you take matters in your hands because of your doubts. It might even be that you are impatient. We’re told (in Genesis 16) that Sarah did this. She decided the baby, that God promised to Abraham and to her, wasn’t going to come unless she made it happen. So she manipulated her husband to sleep with her maid servant so a baby was born. Because of Sarah’s boldness to make this “promise” happen in only the way SHE thought it could, there have been negative repercussions for many generations, to this day.
Doing the Right Thing
It may make sense to you to do things your way, but that doesn’t mean that God will bless it. If He says no, in His Word, you can believe his blessing won’t be upon it. Seek God in all things, including relationships. Go with God; it’s the only right thing to do.
I pray you make the right decision —as God would have you:
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ —to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have tips to help others in this area of marriage, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Single Yet Preparing
(SOUTH AFRICA) Why do people always like to question the level of Christianity when it comes to dating and in marriage? If you are dating someone who proclaimed to be a Christian, no one wants to know how he behaves but as soon as you become involved with someone who is not a Christian, it becomes a problem.
I believe we all deserve a chance. Maybe what that person wants is for me to show him the light due to the way I behave that he may be converted. I believe if I won that soul, the angels from heaven might rejoice. Rather than preaching about don’t be yoked with the unbelievers, it would be good to teach us young ones that what do you do when you are in that situation where you are bound with someone who is not of the same faith as you.
I think that we can recite lots of scriptures about that but it will not be solving the problem. Why can’t we talk about more of what affects us if we are in that situation. I think sometimes it’s great if we talk about reality. I would appreciate more topics helping young ones, that if it happens where you fall in love with the unbeliever, what do you do so that you yourself won’t be swept away by the World. I would like to see topics like how to convert that person from where he/she is to be in the presence of the Almighty.
(UNITED STATES) Thank you. I am saved, and I have fallen in love with a girl who may not be a believer. But I believe that God has a plan for us.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you. It’s not always right to just say it’s wrong to date someone out of your faith because God may have a plan and a purpose for bringing them into your life, like them getting saved. It would be extremely helpful if someone could put scriptures on how to save an unbeliever rather than judging the situation because all things are possible through Christ.
(UKRAINE) Totally agree with you!
I have an unbeliever boyfriend who is honest, nobel and sympathy. He owns almost all the characteristic of a Christian. My church and my sisters persuaded me to separate with him soon. I will be baptized next month and feel quite confused and pain about it. I know the Bible says Christian can’t marry to unbelievers. I’m still in a serious relationship with him, which may lead to a marriage. I pray to Jesus to convert him, but still no improvement. I’m be extremingly sad if I can’t get married in a church.
I’m sadder for you that you would go ahead with a marriage even though you know that God is against it, than the fact that you “can’t get married in a church.” A church is a building, but God is alive and wants to continue in relationship with you. When you do what you know God would not have you, that’s REALLY a problem. You have no idea now, how high of a price this will cost you someday, but you will if you proceed anyway. God is not mocked. He’s warning you and yet you’re putting this guy in front of God, as far as priorities.
You tied your heart to someone who doesn’t love God… how sad this is! I pray you wake up, dear sister. He may be a nice guy in so many ways –I have no doubt about that, but when it comes to the sanctity of marriage, your spiritual heart will be separated, and eventually that will cause more and more problems until it is blaring. It seldom causes problems before marriage, but later, the divide grows and grows. I hope you will reconsider this marriage. You will be sad now (because of the tie you allowed to happen), but you will be especially grieved later. Tears, mixed with regrets, are especially bitter.
My friend had been praying for a spouse for years. It never happened. She then backslid and she met a wonderful man who was not a Christian. After living together, her Christian conscience got the better of her and she told him marry me or leave. Well, they got married, he got saved and they have 3 beautiful children. God used her mistake to bring something beautiful.
Gigi, I’m so glad this worked out for your friend –particularly for her husband. But you have to realize that this is indeed rare, very, very rare. Most of the time it goes in the opposite direction where the “unsaved” spouse causes the other to fall away from his or her faith (or suffer in his or her faith). There are always exceptions to most everything that happens in life, but most everything is stacked up in the other direction. People need to recognize this. Again, I’m glad for your friend and her husband, but I truly hope that others don’t see this as the way to go, rather than a great exception that we can celebrate.
WHAT??? Rather than preaching “don’t be yoked with unbelievers”? HUH? Isnt that phrase The Word of GOD??? So we should NOT preach the Word of God? oh my, swimming around in a pool of so called “answers” that’s exactly what we SHOULD be doing! PREACHING the Word of God; if they don’t listen; that’s their problem, we have done our job, by YES proclaiming what GOD says about the subject; after all We ought to obey GOD rather than Man, hmmm oh that’s WHAT?? another scripture!
It’s not for us to change our spouse’s hearts and convert them to followers of Christ. I’m in the boat yoked with an unbeliever. Not only am I yoked with someone who doesn’t follow jesus, but someone who follows the opposite. The Bible talks about whoever is not with God is against him. When you sacrifice a closer relationship with God, you are being selfish, and missing out on his plan, and blessings you could have. God wants us happy, but He wants us fully devoted to Him.
We Cannot change a person’s heart. God seeks us before we seek him. We can pray for unbelievers. When you try to push ideas into someone it only causes problems. It’s up to God to change their hearts. Thinking that to disobedient to God’s word makes us liers and rebellious. God would not plan for us to be yoked with unbelievers, to teach us. He does use us for discipleship, in order to lead people to Christ, we must lead by example. You can’t show others how to praise God and obedience if your not practicing it yourself. I understand how very hard it is, and it is a test. Choose God over all. I want to.
I can tell that because of who I chose to be with; it totally affects my relationship with God. It’s very hard for me because we have been together six years and have a child together. Then I got born again and realized everything I do here and the decisions I make decide what rewards I will get in heaven. I don’t want to make decisions based on me, I want to make decisions based on God’s will for my life, but I cannot be fully committed to him unless I’m obedient to his word. It’s hard, but no one ever said Christianity was for wimps.
(USA) Hi Tshilidzi, You make some good points in what you are questioning. You’re right in saying that people don’t seem to look at who they date… and they should — whether they say they are a Christian or not. We’re warned in the Bible about those who come to us looking as “angels of light” and yet they aren’t from God. We’re also told in the Bible that some people and religious leaders will say they are “clean” when they are actually “unclean” spiritually.
And there will be some who even do miracles and claim to be of God, and yet on judgment day they will be dismissed by Christ as He says, “Go away, I never knew you.” So you are right about being careful of those we date — whether they say they are a Christian or not. Looks and words can be deceptive.
And frankly, even some Christians shouldn’t date each other. They may not be the best for one another or may have other ways that they are unequally yoked which would make them a bad match for marrying.
You are also right when you say “we all deserve a chance.” The Bible tells us that God doesn’t want “any to perish” so He wants everyone to be given a chance. But there’s a difference between sharing your faith with someone and “giving them a chance” and dating them. God also knows how even the wisest of people can throw aside their faith and beliefs when love and lust come into the picture. King Solomon is a good example of that. And King David, called “a man after God’s own heart” was another example — two of MANY!
Over and over and over and over again we hear from men and women who say the words, “I/we never meant for this to happen.” They never MEANT to fall in love with someone they shouldn’t love and yet they did. And when they did, they threw their good values and integrity away from them and did what they later realized is absolutely wrong. But they do it for “love” — not love for God… but love for another human being.
And those who don’t throw God’s values away suffer immensely as they part from the person they fell in love with!!! It’s a higher price than they ever imagined they’d have to pay. And it’s heartbreaking.
It is the very, very rare person who can do what is termed as “missionary dating” and will be used of God to lead them to Christ. It almost always leads to a disaster from what we’ve witnessed.
When you are dealing with dating and the chemistry that goes on between two people, you aren’t dealing with a predictable ending. It’s not like putting bread in a toaster and out pops toast (because of scientific and mechanical and electrical principles involved). We’re talking about a very complex and complicated and potentially messy set of circumstances.
I believe that is why God warns us in 2 Corinthians 6 (plus other places in the Bible) to stay out of those kinds of potential “yoking.” It’s God saying this… not us. If God didn’t say it and we saw that dating non-Christians (and some “Christians” as well) was beneficial for their spiritual outcome, we’d be all for it and would reach out and do what you ask. But if God says it… we’re going to do what He says.
Also… this isn’t a dating web site. We believe that God is telling us to minister to those who are married or are planning to marry. If we go into the dating subject much beyond that on this web site, there is no way we could keep up with all of the mail and comments and other responsibilities of this ministry. It would expand this ministry in multiplied ways.
Hopefully you can find other web sites to address the subject of dating non-Christians and also helping them to “convert that person from where he/she is to be in the presence of the Almighty.” We can only do so much.
But I hope my answer at least helps in some way (as well as reading the articles we have posted above because we provide them to do just that). I love your heart and your motive. But I think it’s more complicated than just coming up with some magic formulas to bring people to Christ. If that’s all it takes… we’d be the first ones in line to obtain them and post them on this web site!
(INDIA) There is no religion which teaches you to hate others… to harm others… or kill others. The foundation of all relationships including marriage is love. If love is present… Christian or non Christian… the marriage will be a success. If love is absent, marriage becomes a compromise… not even the holiest of Christians can salvage!!
The Lord wants you to be happy… don’t feel guilty about it and try to seek refuge in the scriptures. It’s ok… look at it the other way… you are sharing the scriptures with someone who doesn’t know Christ, not just through words but actions! I think people greatly confuse humanity with religion.
(USA) Please see the book of Surrah in the Qu’ran.
It DOES teach to kill your (Infidel) neighbor if you covet his wife or property and take whatever you want. It is every one of their duites to kill Christians and Jews.
Women have no hope of Paradise but wait in hell for men to do as they please with them. When she dies she is to be buried in an unmarked grave so another man doesn’t defile that man’s property but doing something to the grave.
They are trying to introduce “Chrislam” now. They may have all the wives they want and do what they desire. God says it will come to that. “Each will do that whch seems right in his own eyes” and “the world will wax worse and worse.”
Jesus says in Matthew 10:34 “think NOT that I come in peace to the Earth but I bring a sword of dersison” meaning each will have to take a stand for him or against him.
In fact, it is all polar oppostite of what God teaches. Very shocking and I’ve urged people to read it before making statements like “Islam is a religion of peace” like the Christian community, so few professing it ever read their own “Bible”.
God says we are to read it for ourselves 2 Timothy 2-15.
(MALAYSIA) Christianity isn’t even a religion. It is the Truth. Religion is man made, truth is God made. It is this way or no other way. Therefore, I think it shouldn’t be separated from humanity.
(S.A.) I knew my husband to be abusive before our wedding but it was a textbook case of hope, commitment and secrecy, due to my Christian upbringing. And besides, he was a Christian and the son of a stalwart missionary. I was unequally yoked with a believer! The church knows very little of the many of us who suffer alone and wish we married the one who loved us instead of the one that was a Christian!
(USA) Edna, THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS! I was engaged after courting a Christian man for six years. I cancelled the wedding three weeks from the date. I have met MANY Christian men… and even considered dating a few. The man I almost married was a monster, abusive in every way and unspiritual in his relationship with God. I was together with him because of guilt and it turns out I was in the r’s for wrong reasons. I know not every Christian man is like this. I know that God does have someone for me.
I met an agnostic man… who was raised Catholic like I was. He has born-again Christian family members. God has used this man in so many ways. He COMPLETELY supports me in ministry and my faith, in my family. I share with him about my r’s with God, about what eats me, about my struggles with following Jesus, and about my passions. He doesn’t always understand. But I do believe this: love is a CHOICE. Christian men still are human and I bore much hurt from many of those men. Not all of us on earth will find the perfect deal. I believe this man is the man I will marry. However, if I do not, I will not be upset.
I told this man I wanted to wait to have sex for marriage; he supported me. I felt guilty and confused my whole life, and have suffered my whole life, because I have followed the Bible out of religiosity. But we are also humans and have a free will. I know sins have repurcussions. But, I do believe we are to choose our partners. We can be unequally yoked with Christians as well, and to put pressure on people is harmful.
I do want to add however, that one should follow the Bible, with accompaniment in prayer …sometimes God does have exceptions, although rare. But also know that whatever we sacrifice for God, He will honor. I believe marriage is made to honor God. But without love, we cannot honor him at all. Therefore, one should marry for love, that God would be the strength until death does part.
(UNITED STATES) I’ve married a non believer. I prayed to God that one day my wife will come to know the faith I have in God. It took 8 yrs before my wife and I belonged to the same church.
All I’m saying is God is powerful enough to bring anyone to himself. We need to be careful how we advise the youth on who to love and who not to Love. After all, God said He himself is Love.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Problem is, it all depends on how spriritually strong the believer is, because either the believer will convert the non-believer or the believer will also be converted by the non-believer and fall away from his/her faith. Being in church does not mean that one is a Christian either because some people are mere churchgoers. One still has to be careful when finding a life partner even in church. Different beliefs can also impact on the way you raise your children, e.g the other parent exercises Christian parenting and wants to impact Godly values on the kids, the other partner being a non-believer can’t see the big deal of wether the children should obey that or not. There are many challenges when people who are different spiritually get married, but in everything we must let God lead and we follow. Experiences differ but God’s word will remain the same.
I am dating an unbelieving man and intend to marry him 2 years later. I was persuaded to break up with him in my church as soon as possible, but find it’s impossible. I know I may lose the chance to be blessed in church by God, while I can’t leave him alone as nobody will pray for him forever. I pray to God to find him, although it seems quite difficult to him with great rebellion. I hope I can achieve it like you one day!
(AUSTRALIA) From what I have seen (and heard from religious and non-religious marriage therapists) throughout my career as a Solicitor in AUSTRALIA, religious couples from all faiths still hold the HIGHEST rate of divorce in this country. I had 150 cases last year and at least 112 of them were religiously based divorces.
I’m not saying anyone’s faith is wrong, but you’re only hurting yourselves by separating yourselves from non-believers who are otherwise lovely prospective partners.
You all say you don’t like to be treated any differently (and in some contexts you call being treated differently discrimination), but you treat us differently, don’t you? There is no way you can quote from the scriptures and tell me that’s not discrimination.
My grandmother is Jewish and my grandfather is German, given the history, they shouldn’t be married, they have been happily married for 50 years. Marrying non-believers is not taboo! To state otherwise subjects religious doctrine to discrimination laws. We all saw how well racism worked didn’t we? Do you really want to be compared to Hitler and his religious advisers, some of who were Christian.
I’m sorry, but I used to be Christian until I realised putting your faith before your partner is ABSOLUTELY what kills marriages, not the lack of faith. Why should I put my faith in the Lord when I can put my faith in my husband? He will actually be there for me, unconditionally. Clearly as you can see above, God has a huge list of requirements for him to love you. Not worth it.
My profession doesn’t lie and none of you are immune to the 2010 – 2012 divorce statistics for this country. Question that and ask yourself “why is it Christians and Catholics are 10 times more likely to get divorced than someone who is agnostic and atheist? Because the only person they have faith in is the Lord. Because agnostics and atheists never take anything for granted and have a much larger appreciation for their partners.
Christians should love God and sisters and brothers, which should not be interpreted as we should not love other people who are different. Bible doesn’t write we should do so. I’m dating an unbeliver and am being persuaded by my sisters to break up with him as soon as possible, even if we are in true love and a serious relationship. I waited for my life until he appears and I intend to marry this man. I’m sad when they asked me to do so. My father is Christian while my mother is not; we still love each other. I don’t think the love to an unbeliver is absolutely different from Christian and it is built on passion and love because we are all human made by God with the similiar humanity. As you said, Chrisitians are not necessay to have a better marriage. It all depends on whether we love each other.
That’s nice and all but at the same time sad how you say God has too many requirements so you could care less. I’m no one perfect but if you ever really were a Christian it sounds like someone either brain washed you by something or you weren’t very committed to God and going to heaven in the first place.
You can lie all you want to yourself and say there is not a heaven and a hell but I know there is. I’ve been out of my body more then once, so I know you leave it when you die. I pray for you, please pray for me back.
Hi Michelle, There are absolutely no requirements we have to make in order for God to love us. He loves us with a passion no matter what we do. No one can out-sin God’s love. It’s not what we do that makes him love us but who God is. God IS LOVE. So he can’t help but love us. He has an unconditional love for us that we can never ever lose. Unlike a husband or wife who may die someday or let you down in some way God will never. We can’t base our happiness on something we can lose. That leads to heartbreak. We can put our trust and security and happiness mainly in Jesus who is himself God. That is something we will never ever be able to lose. But the choice to love him and let him love us is ours.
I’ve had a taste of what God is like and he is the most beautiful, loving, magnificent being I’ve ever encountered. I’m so happy to be loved unconditionally by Him. Not only that but I’m given the gift of forever in paradise. I pray God will melt your heart like he has mine. Much love!.
Ephesians 3:18-19 is one of my favorite verses BTW if you wanna check it out :).
(USA) I don’t believe dating non-Christians is bad because if you lead a strong spiritual life they are more likely to become Christian because in a way you both look up to each other.
BTW I’m only 13.
(USA) How sweet of you to be reading such important stuff! Smart young lady!
It’s really important though to always side with what God says and He says we are not to do so. In any way. Plant the seeds of faith every chance we get but be with like-minded people to strengthen each other.
Even adults, many who are hurting from adultery have seen that it doesn’t take much for an unsaved person claiming to be saved to lead our spouses into sin. I think Pinocchio is the best story to help kids understand how all of that works and has a many Biblical references like the Belly of the Whale, etc…
Stick with God’s word. He will never fail you >
(US) My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, I have always been a Christian and always will. I got saved when I was 9 years old. I am not going to lie. I have sinned… a lot since then. I’m not perfect…thats for sure. So I met my boyfriend and we started dating. He goes to church with me, reads the bible with me and prays with me. His family hasn’t really cared about religion.
He says his aunt has always told him about God and Jesus. He believes in God and Jesus. He just hasn’t been saved yet but I keep talkimg to him about God and we pray together and he wants to understand it more before getting saved but is it a sin if I marry him before he is saved? Will I go to hell for that?
I have a similiar situation with you and received many comments and pressure from my church and sisters. They asked me to break up with the unbeliver as soon as possible and said this is because God’s love. I felt quite conflicted with it but I still intend to have a marriage with him. I’ve got two answers to solve this question that I should be away from him or keep on dating him. Even I intend to marry him. They said if I do this it mean I don’t love God as I should, but actually I’m not! I felt there is only love and no love, and I was commended to only love God alone. They believe if you love an unbeliever you don’t love God more…
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you Cindy Wright for such a wonderful response. All I know is as Christians, we have a manual of life – the Bible! What is written in it is abolute and doesn’t change. Most of us have unteachable spirits and don’t understand the Gospel of Christ! We ask questions wishing for a certain answer and not what the Bible says. Most Christians are like that rich young ruler who came to Jesus Christ and left so sad when Jesus Christ told Him to sell everything (Matthew 19:16-26).
If we are trully seeking the Kingdom, we will not reason the Word of God, but pray for a revelation that will bring life to our spirits. Marrying a non believer is STRONGLY advised AGAIST (Deuteronomy 7:1-4). However, since God created a man and took a rib out of a man to make him a wife, if a man does not wait to hear from God, which woman is the one He made for Him, it will end up in an unfruitful marriage that does not glorify God or even if we divorce! We are rebellious as children of God, and we don’t wait upon the Lord, we do things to please ourselves. We have become our own gods. When things don’t work out we turn to blame God. When you are getting into a relationship, put God in the center! Ask Him if that man or woman is the one He created for you. Even as you date, flee away from sin, live in purity and seek His face. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Obey God and His commandments, understand the Bible and have a teachable spirit, remove your carnal mind and fleshly lust from it all and God almighty will lead you. Seek first the Kinddom of God!
God sees our hearts and knows when we are true and sincere about this walk. Most Christians have turned to make God their servant, ordering Him around while they don’t fear Him or even serve Him. The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom. Love the Lord your God with everything in you and not the things of this world! Trust Him for His goodness and He will lead you to greener pastures! Your marriage is in Him but if you choose to take charge then don’t blame Him for failure that might arise from disobedience.
To you Kristen, you will not go to hell for that. Discuss with him why he is holding back in receiving Jesus CHRIST as his Lord and savior. Tell him your fears, as well. You are doing well to involve him in your work of faith but also as you pray, ask God to show you if he is really the one for you because you will not know for sure until you get a confirmation from a Creator Himself. God be with you and stay blessed.
(KENYA) Marriage is beautiful and God intended it that way. It’s sad people think Christianity is discriminatory. On the contrary, it’s all about love. God instructs us not for His own good but for own good. Take an example of the 10 commandments. He instructs us not to kill so that we will not be killed. He says do not steal so that you won’t face jail or whatever the case. Being unequally yoked has consequences and God is saying there are consequences; don’t take that road
We’ve made unequal yoking seem a disadvantage to Christians only but it cuts both ways; picture this a couple married a believer and an unbeliever… the believer wants to go for overnight prayers but the unbeliever won’t hear none of it. Or the nonbeliever wants to go out clubbing or have the partner organize a party and serve alcoholic drinks and play secular dirty music… Selah. God’s ways are not our ways and “foolishness” of God can’t be compared to wisest counsel of man.
Wow. so all us non believers want to go clubbing or have house parties and serve alcohol huh? Lol.
(USA) Joshua 23:11-13 “As for you, take great care to love the LORD, your God. For if you ever turn away from him and join with the remnant of these nations that survive among you, by intermarrying and intermingling with them, know for certain that the LORD, your God, will no longer dispossess these nations at your approach. Instead they will be a snare and a trap for you, a scourge for your sides and thorns for your eyes, until you perish from this good land which the LORD, your God, has given you.” Don’t intermarry!
(INDIA) I want marrage with a Christian and I want to be a Christian.
Harendra, it looks like no one here replied to you. Did you become a Christian? If not, would you still like to? Please let me know if you would. God willing, I would be happy to help :)
Wow, so many people take such a light view of non-Christians. As if they really aren’t that bad. That there will be a few moral issues in marriage. Well I say it goes much much deeper to the core than that. Don’t follow your “emotions” for flattering fake people, because it is the lust of your sinful nature. But follow God’s Truth in his Word, and put off your old nature.
These fake Christians, and non-Christians will definitely guide you away from God if you love them. If you admire your non-Christian boyfriend your heart is not with God. You can’t love a Godless person, and love God at the same time. There is actually nothing good in a non-Christian. It is made obvious in God’s Word, do you believe this or not?
I recently got out of a relationship with a “nice” man who used to pretend he was a Christian. I felt in my spirit, that the way he spoke and acted was only manipulative and selfish. I tried to push it away for 3 months in order to follow my sinful emotions. Due to lack of faith, I blinded myself to what he was putting me through. I sinned against God in doing this, and I reaped the consequences. Any non-Christian wouldn’t see what he was really doing, but the spirit revealed him to me. Paul makes it very clear how awful people are if they haven’t turned to God. And now I see it. The truth set me free!
Jesus didn’t die because we were sort of, kinda bad, or had a few problems. He died because we are really terrible people with nothing good in us! And if you don’t believe this about your non-Christian spouse, and give your heart to God to open your eyes and lead you out, you will certainly be led astray, and you won’t even know it. Please trust, in God’s word; it is truth, when it says do not be yoked with a non-believer. Put your foot down, and take a step of faith out of your emotions and into sober minded truth and do not be yoked with them. I promise you that you will be overwhelmed with peace! I just hate to see people run away with their emotions. Please don’t do what I did for 3 months! Gods burden is light. A relationship with a non-Christian is a massive heavy burden. They only use you, no matter how caring they say they are. When you just take that step of faith and be willing to open your eyes. It is easy in Christ. God bless you all. I pray God reveals to you what he revealed to me so that you have freedom from non-Christians and their evil schemes.
I believe in Jesus, I believe in the Bible, but I also believe in reality. I have been praying for a spouse for many years and now at 38 I see I made a mistake by not dating unbelievers (a terrible one). All my Christian friends were having a wild time, immoral behavior, etc. Guess who GOD allowed to get married and have the most and cutest babies? It wasn’t the ones who stayed true to him, it was the prodigals. In an ideal world, yes it would be nice to marry someone of your own faith but in reality people should marry people with family values, morals, hard working. Just need to sort a few things out and I am going to live my life. I am so hurt that God could do this to me and when I see 70 year olds still praying for a husband I know it’s quite possible God will allow me to die a spinster and alone!
Dear Gigi, I cried when I read your post and I immediately prayed for you as I feel your pain and dissappointment very strongly. I too am a woman going through a situation right now where I feel the painfulness of having to choose between my own desires and obeying God! Since the day that I entered God’s presence nearly 6 years ago, the only thing that I wanted the most was to get married. I did the financial success thing in the world and all that was missing was the happy marriage thing and kids thing. Without it I didn’t feel motivated to acheive or pursue anything else. Therefore, it was all I prayed about. I’d spend hours reading romance novels, watching romantic movies and The Wedding Channel as well as going to wedding shows to even try on wedding dresses, etc. However, I was contantly despaired by the fact that I wasn’t meeting anyone in the faith that I felt attracted to and it felt like the only guys that came close to being my type were ones who wanted nothing to do with God. I constantly faced the temptation of longing for one of them. If I’m honest, I considered (and admitted to God) that the only thing that stopped me pursuing a relationship with them was my desire to obey God. I reflected that when I was in the world (i.e. an unbeliever), I was able to choose whoever I wanted. I felt like I was suffering for wanting to please God.
I cried to God about it many times. And recently, starting from 2 years ago, I met a guy who literally ticks MOST of the boxes for me in terms of marriage material. And he liked me back. He was always making moves but I’d have to curb his advances. I kept bumping into him and would fantastise for days about him and I getting married. Eventually, though I didn’t date him. I had to force myself to cut off all contact with him because I could see that I was becoming enslaved and consumed by him. Every thought and prayer would be about him. When I should be reading my Bible I was daydreaming of him. Basically, he was starting to take God’s place and I didn’t feel good inside either. I experienced an unbalanced edginess of always checking my phone to see how long before he would respond to my texts. I was constantly dissappointed by him too when he wouldn’t seem to care as much as I’d hope and it made me feel stupid. So painfully, I deleted all contact with him and “gave” him to God. Recently (against my choosing) he came back into my life. I was speaking to him the other day and it all came flooding back and again I cried to God. But the decision I made is this -I believe in reality too and the reality is that if we choose to disobey God to get what you want, you’re basically ditching your salvation and despising the one who died and paid such a high price for your soul for someone who will never love you like God loves you. God won’t stop you but remember that Jesus warned that the devil would find a way to tempt all of us away from Him. In fact, this is the whole snake garden apple routine all over again. Snake: “did God REALLY say you should not date an unbeliever?? Surely not, He just doesn’t want you to be happy like Him. After all, He has the Holy Trinity to keep Him company. But who do you have??” And then the devil makes sure that all you see around you is happy unbelieving couples so that eventually you agree with the devil and decide, just as you seem to have in your posting that “it is futile to serve God”.
So please DON’T DO IT! It is not futile to serve God. And the joke will be at your expense. I’ve learned the hard way that God is never mocked and what He says never comes back empty and unfulfilled. He doesn’t always explain every little thing when He tells us not to do something BUT He ALWAYS has a very good reason and when we became Christians, we did make a committment to obey Him no matter what. Not just until it became inconvenient! So please don’t be fooled by Christians who seem to have got the “happy ever after” by disobeying God. You never see the full story: when people take this route, one of 2 things happen:
1. They may have a very happy marriage, BUT at the expense of their salvation as your relationship with God will very likely never be the same and worst of all they don’t realise because the devil has taken over their conscience and thoughts so they think they’re still good with God. It’s like the celebrities who sell their soul to the devil in exchange for great fame. They parade their success, and they even dedicate songs to God and country and look so well for it. After all, the world is satan’s to give. But in the end the devil comes to collect those who are his. Who he bought with riches, fame and even marriage. You’d have stuck 2 fingers up at the God who rescued you and showed that when faced with the choice, your lovelife was truly your God. In fact, this is often why many who THINK they’re waiting on God, don’t get their prayers answered for marriage. Because we haven’t reached that stage of truly loving God above all else despite though being in church for many years. We didn’t truly seek first the kingdom of God.
2. The other scenario is that after you get married to the unbeliever you DO come to realise where you went wrong and that the dream wasn’t all it cracked up to be -that you want to stay true to God and sure God forgives but the devil (being in complete control over the heart and mind of your spouse who doesn’t yet know God or have God as his defence) will surely make you pay for it through causing you many conflicts in your marriage and even in your children that you cry and suffer over it for many years. Yes, eventually that person MAY come to Christ, but you’ll have to be prepared to suffer much, maybe even loss at the end. People who simplify their disobedience do not tell you the whole story. And those who parade their disobedience as if, everything turned out rosie in the end, thus leading others astray, don’t actually realize their hearts are far from God -that they’re likely ones He’ll say “depart from me I never knew you!” The devil has filled their heart so much (like Judas and Annanais and Saphira) that they’re in the church playing church but their salvation is completely in shreds.
Either way, the consequences ALWAYS falls on us. That’s why today, after much crying, I made a decision today to carry my cross. I told God that I believe you truly love me. I’ve seen how you rescued me and were the only one there for me at so many moments in my life when no one else cared or could help. I have not forgotten all you’ve done for me. And I refuse to put a man before you. It hurts, because I never came close to the way I feel about this guy with anyone else. And if I choose to reach out I could have him. But I don’t believe it will go well for me. And I don’t want to stick 2 fingers up at you in the process. I’ve made a decision to follow you. Even if it means being alone for the rest of my life. The prospect is scary but that is my cross to carry. I choose to remain with you till the end and give you up for nothing.
Having said all that, I believe God will provide me with someone that is faith based, that you do not grow weary and keep believing. Even when everything seems bleak and everyone around you is either getting married or asking why, at 34, you are not. The devil will surely rub it in, but if you remain firm, God WILL NOT let you down. If we’re alone, it’s because we didn’t truly believe and stay firm.
Also, there are acts of faith (above praying) that we can do to use our faith to bring the blessing about, as it’s faith that conquers material blessings, not just because you are a good person does it happen automatically. I did one of these 2 years ago for which God has assured me He will honour, and as a result I know the devil is trying to tempt me into forfeiting what God has prepared for me with his chocolate coated dynamite, but I’m standing firm because I remember what I did (and am still doing). The Bible promises that those who truly put their trust in God will not be ashamed. All this is to test the quality of your faith! You MUST rise above this sadness and self pity or you will only lose out.
May God show you what you need to do to bring about the blessing you desire. And you can always ask Him. Also, if you want to know more about these acts of faith I speak about, let me know and I’ll expand. xxx Esther
p.s. One thing that I must say about the guy I like is that I can already see signs of the drama we’d have if we were to get married while he’s an unbeliever as (a) we always seem to get into long debates whenever we talk about religion. We get on fine (when I overlook his swearing and errors of doctrine etc) until religion comes into it and then we end up getting into a frustrated debate. (b) when we talked a couple of days ago, he said if we had children he’d want them to learn all world religions. Hairs stood up on my back as I knew that would be a blatant point for argument down the line as I would not want my children to get confused to the point of not being able to make a decision because, like their father, they see the validity and sameness in all religion. (c) He doesn’t have balance that only God can give. I can see his spirit is restless in some ways and he doesn’t know when to stop working which will cause arguments down the line. (d) the way he handles his problems is based on his power and as such he is dependant on marijuana to “meditate” whereas I’m dependant on God. We’ll clearly be united in dealing with our problems (e) God is the centre of my life, he may tolerate my beliefs now but I’m pretty sure that when the majority of what I say and do is based on God and His teaching he’ll start to resent me. And how lonely will I feel in my marriage if I can’t share the biggest thing in my life with the most important person in my life (after God that is)?
I feel that I should tell you this. Please, don’t be discouraged. Have faith. You could use some counsel from a Christian who has the spiritual gift of faith, because we’re supposed to have fellowship with Christians who use their gifts to strengthen us (the church) and to convert others to help the church grow. Also, If you feel deep down inside that you’re not meant to be single and that your desire to be married is too strong you shouldn’t burn with desire, but find a mate in the Lord. You MUST be as proactive about finding a mate as you would about finding a job if you were unemployed.
Use internet CHRISTIAN dating sites only, join a singles ministry at a church (or more than one church), become more outgoing, attend Christian conferences or other functions, do your favorite hobbies outside of the house, get involved in community service, work for or volunteer at a non profit organization (Red Cross), spend most of your time with others… and that will increase the likelihood of God answering your prayer for a spouse.
Life is not about self, but about others. By becoming more involved in others’ lives you will get either a spouse and then your focus will be about pleasing him or her and God mainly, or God’s will might be for you to only serve the Lord which is a greater, more rewarding, less limiting, and higher calling. There’s nothing wrong with being single, but being lonely is the real killer. No one should be lonely. So don’t live a life that is self-centered. Invest in others’ lives and (animals or pets count… but we should also get involved with people with or without the Holy Spirit.
Please let the Holy Spirit guide you no matter what decision you make. Christians with the Holy Spirit know the difference between right and wrong, and so understanding the Bible gives us a great compass that will show you the best way -either staying single and remaining more FREE, or gluing yourself in marriage and becoming less FREE or united (which is why you’d better be careful about who you unite with). You need a helper who is truly guided by the HOLY SPIRIT, not a barrier or hindrance, a procrastinator, a frequent sinner OR abuser. So much agape love needs to be shared in this world without hindrance. There will always be obstacles in life, but don’t let a foolish relationship become one. not everyone has to be married or go through child LABOR. Singleness and marriage are both gifts. Conform yourself to the Word of God not to this “world”. If your goals are not God’s will, don’t let these goals (such as finding a spouse/lust) become an idol.