As it pertains to emotional abandonment, when your spouse shuts you out:
“It’s a complaint I hear regularly from people looking for help for their marriages:
- ‘I feel distant from my spouse.’
- ‘I try to get my husband to open up, but instead he just shuts down.’
- ‘My wife just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. I feel like we’re a million miles apart.’
- ‘I don’t know if I love him anymore.’
“What we’re talking about here is emotional abandonment. Instead of physically leaving the relationship, your spouse simply checks out emotionally. They stop investing in the marriage, leaving their mate feeling detached and unwanted. To the outside world the situation can still look rosy, but in reality the relationship is dying a slow, quiet death.” (Dr Dave Currie with Glen Hoos)
Emotional abandonment might not even die quite so slowly and quietly, as the spouse who is shut out tries to grapple with what is happening. Sometimes there is a lot of screaming and finger-pointing within the home. This often complicates the situation even further. And yet, what can the abandoned spouse do to turn the relationship back around in the right direction?
Addressing this issue:
Honestly, it’s confusing —even to those who call themselves “experts” in marriage relationships because everyone’s situation is different. What’s especially tragic is that emotional abandonment is something that seems to be happening in epidemic proportions in marriages today, or maybe it’s just that we hear more about this in today’s world… it’s difficult to tell.
But whatever the case, this is something we need to address because of the devastation it is causing on so many levels to individuals within their marriages, families, churches, and society as a whole, as the family unit breaks down and goes in an unhealthy direction.
Insights that may help:
We have found several web site articles that we believe will help in some way. They are ones that give insight into what may be causing this type of emotional shut down. They also give insight on what you may be able to do to turn things around. Please read:
• HER HUSBAND WOULDN’T SPEAK TO HER FOR THREE YEARS
• MY HUSBAND IS A MYSTERIOUS ISLAND
With this next article, written by Dr Dave Currie and Glenn Hoos, posted on The Power to Change web site. It not only gives you solutions to consider but also gives you the opportunity to request to talk to a Marriage Mentor over the issue.
Something you may want to consider:
• EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT: When Your Spouse Shuts You Out
Filed under: Communication and Conflict
(U.S) Well I fell down some steps and I am going to the hospital tomorrow morning. Should my boyfriend accompany me? Or is it OK for him to stay home playing video games while I go to the emergency room?
This article deals with spouses. If your boyfriend is someone who WILL someday be your spouse and he shows so little emotional attachment for you and care about you now, what makes you think that will change after you marry? I encourage you to read through the “Heeding Relational Red Flags Before Marriage” article (plus more), posted in the “Is He or She the One?” topic. It seems to me that there some blaring red flags waving furiously in the air right now in front of you. You might think that “love” will conquer all, but look at the divorce courts, which are filled with people who had the same thought. Love has a tendency to start leaking out and drying up after you marry and you deal with this type of issue and more, day in and day out. Please prayerfully consider that.
If he doesn’t have the character value and perseverance to show love through challenging times now, what makes you think he will suddenly get it later? You might be able to convict him or shame him into driving you this time, but what about the next time and the next? Marriage is filled with those types of times –good AND bad and flat out tough times. But when you both have it in you to show love and perseverance and care –above your own comforts, you’ll have a good marriage. Love is filled as much with action as it is with feeling –sometimes more so. Sometimes you have to show love, even when you don’t feel like it. And by doing so, eventually the feelings follow. But if you don’t have the will to love like that, you pretty much get what you describe in your comment. He plays video games, rather than TAKING you to the hospital and making sure you’re ok. Again, please prayerfully consider your future together.
(USA) I am in the exact situation as the first poster except I believe it all started before we ever met and has just escalated in our marriage. Whenever we are intimate he goes through the motions, but he is stiff. Everything I try and do to open up this wall he has to sharing feelings is rebuffed. He “doesn’t like to read” so asking him to read articles such as the above is rejected. When I try and tell him how I am feeling he says “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
He tells me he doesn’t like to discuss things with me because he is afraid. I don’t yell and I don’t lose control so I don’t know why he is afraid. I think it is just another way to deflect from the real issues. I have dealt with this for 7 years and I can’t stand it anymore. Our sex life is now non-existent.
The only real emotion he seems to be in touch with is his anger. I found where he had signed up for a sex finding website, and when I confronted him he went in to his stonewalling attitude, which is how he always deals with issues. When I told him he had no right to have an attitude with me he said he was mad I thought I had to spy on him.
I am his second wife, and I am fed up. He is almost 60 and I am 55. I think it is time to move on. When does one know it is time?
(SRI LANKA) Dear all, I am really glad we have each other so we know whatever issues we face, we are not the only ones in it.
I too am here with a very sad story. I got married only a year and a half ago. I met my husband online. He traveled all the way from Africa to Asia to see me. Its been a year and a half since we married. Time has being really hard. I was the only one employed for the entire one and a half years. Later my company closed down and by luck we were able to find my husband a job.
I was pregnant by him last year and he said we have financial issues and no one to help me and therefore we cannot have the baby. Since the day I found out of my pregnancy I have only had tears and cried coz all he did was reject and ignore me. Frankly, I have no family or relatives. My mum is late, my dad is an alcoholic and my sister is selfish and not serious with life.
Since the day I remember I have been the bread winner of my family and my dad’s sister and husband just sit at home eating and drinking from me. Anyway, my husband forced me to abort our baby when I was six weeks pregnant. I cried, begged, pleaded and yet he rejected me and had me go through the most painful procedure. I did it coz I loved my husband and I put his happiness above mine.
Later I got ill and still felt something was not right, we went back to the doctor and he wanted me to have a scan. My husband was very angry when he saw the scan coz seems there was another baby. I was so happy that God gave me a second chance coz I kept crying and praying, begging God for a second chance and here it was, a blessing. Only then I knew that I had twins and I had always loved to have twins. Anyway my husband said the same things and wanted me to remove the pregnancy, crying and begging would not help. We consulted the doctor and he said it would be best if we removed it since the medication could cause the baby to be born with birth effects. I went through hell coz this is not what I wanted. I cried wept and was unwell for long. I prayed to God and cried.
I used to speak to my lost babies in prayer. I asked God for a miracle in my life and trusted. Me and my husband used protection, yet my faith stood firm that God will give my my two babies I lost. God even speaks to me, and that is how I have learned to trust him so much. I knew I will be pregnant again even before I missed my period coz God told me he forgave me and will return the same two babies to me.
I am now almost three months pregnant by the grace of our living God who forgave me for the terrible thing I did. And I am given a second chance. My husband still does not want the baby. I believe there are two babies coz thats God’s promise me. Even this morning my husband said we can’t do this and I should remove the pregnancy. I know we have insufficient funds as I am not working. We have no proper house and I have no one to help me. Yet my faith that brought me this far will take me the rest of my journey. God will never abandon me.
And so I have decided to continue the pregnancy even if my husband leaves me. I encourage all of you to believe that heaven is real, to trust that God is real and he watches us. Know that his time is not our time. And watch “near death experiences of heaven” on you tube. It will help you boost your faith up and know that there is a living God. Thank you for all your time. God bless you all.
(USA) We have been married 38 years, he is 10 years older than me. I have type 2 Diabetes and complications with my feet and hands and is 100% disabled. I am retired CEO of a nonprofit agency that I founded and developed. My husband came to work in the agency after a few years, after he lost he job. Now that I can’t work, he has tried to take over, but the programs have all but died.
He goes to work everyday. But I have no idea what he is doing. He has no skills in social services. He was able to move up the ladder, because he had access to needed funds to advance the programs when reimbursement was slow. He hated that I was the boss but he knew he did not have the skills or desire to do the gunt work. So, he used his advantage over me because he could borrow money when we needed it from his retirement fund and/or his mother.
Now that I cannot work, he is gone all day, at the agency and taking care of his blind 95 year old mother. I don’t see him until late evening. He goes to sleep immediately. Weekends he goes to football and basketball games, take his mother to church and we have no time together. I wish he was gone forever. I feel the only reason he come home at all is to check on me. He fusses about everything I say to him, he criticize everything about me. He never has a kind word for me. I have broken my ankle and it won’t heal, I have diabetic neuropathy.
I was attractive, with high self esteem and dressed well. Now 60 years old, I been home for two years trying to get well. I am beginning to get better. But my health problems and my marriage has depressed me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be married. My husband is probably cheating as he has cheated before. What can I do? I am 60 yrs and have health problems. I don’t think my husband cares anymore, not sure I care.
(GERMANY) Where do I begin? I can’t even make sense of things. My hope and joy has been torn apart and I feel like I have no control over it. My wife and I began hopelessly in love like so many other couples and little by little have been going downhill over the years. I will begin by saying that in the beginning of our relationship together, meaning when we decided to move in together, it was very tough. I didn’t know how to communicate properly and I was a poor excuse of a man. I was always quick to judge, and raise my voice, and use words that you wouldn’t use on a person that you love.
I cared more about proving my point on how I felt than making things better. I had finally reached my limit with the relationship when we found out we were pregnant with our baby girl. I had an epiphany and realized that I had so much to lose. I realized that I was wrong on so many levels. I made a 180 and changed. I asked GOD for forgiveness and my wife as well. Even though she forgave me I could still see that the relationship had damaged her. Something I resent myself for very much.
Either way I did my best to demonstrate my love and care for her. I immediately stopped raising my voice, punching holes in the wall, and tried so hard to listen and communicate better. Things got better for a couple of months. I was so grateful to GOD for the birth of our daughter and for giving me a second chance.
Lately however, things have been so bad. She is always so quick to get upset about the smallest things. I usually try to go with the sweet approach and tell her that I’m sorry and that It wasn’t meant in any way to upset her and I try to hug her or something like that, but she always pushes me away and we end up having a 3 hour discussion on how I’m always upsetting her. Then she’s upset because we spent so much time fighting when it could have been avoided the whole time.
I just don’t understand anymore. She is doing the very things that she is always saying that she hates. She’s quick to judge, point fingers, always decides to “check out” and even though we’ve both decided to be good to each other and pray for GOD to be our foundation, she’s is very quick to say that she doesn’t care about what I’m saying or how she’s making me feel. She’s constantly fighting about how I’m supposedly making her feel, yet she’s always the first to say that she doesn’t care about what I think, feel, or how I’m interpreting her distance in the relationship.
I want to fix this so bad. I love my wife and kids more than I could explain. But lately she’s been making me feel like I just want to give up. She doesn’t watch what she says and cares much less about how much her words hurt. Yet, when I even say that something from work is weighing down on me or upsetting me, she gives me a big lecture on how I should always be the bigger person, make sure that I put on a smile for the family and not let anything affect my mood, because if anything affects my mood, I’m being “rude” and “inconsiderate.”
I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I feel like I’m walking through a landmine field. I sometimes feel like I’m being punished for the way that I was in the past and the mistakes that I made, but I just don’t know. I asked for forgiveness and have demonstrated that I would never bring that poison back into our marriage. Please help, someone.
(USA) I feel your pain. Two weeks ago I thought I was in a happy marriage. My husband (out of the blue) told me he has been miserable since the day he put the ring on my finger and that was almost 3 years ago. I am devastated. I don’t know what to do. He is so cold and distant. He says he still loves me but I am to blame for the marriage breakdown. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what he is talking about. We used to be best friends and do everything together. Now, suddenly, I am a terrible person who is selfish and demanding.
Well, for 2 weeks I have been his doormat and let him do whatever he wants. By the way, his parents have moved here for the winter since they are both retired and that was back in November they leave in March. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. He told me that he resented me for keeping him chained to the couch and he wanted his life back! I never forced that man to stay home, I don’t know what he means by that. He now buys guns and gambles at the casino daily with his parents.
He works 40 miles from our home town and I work in our home town. It takes him about an hour to get home and he changes his clothes and leaves for his mom and dad’s to eat dinner and spend time with them. I am a very lonely married woman. I feel abandoned in this relationship and he is being mean to me to make ME leave. He is so hateful and says that he is relieved when I am away from home. He claims that he does love me and isn’t punishing me but he isn’t happy right now and a day or two isn’t going to fix it. He states he has a million thoughts and questions running through his head and doesn’t have a single answer for any of them.
I told him to ask me and I will answer. He said that it’s not a questions for me but what he asks himself… what do I do with that??? My chest hurts, I can’t eat and I have broken out in hives all over my back, neck and part of my shoulder.
What do I do??? This is my fourth marriage. My 3rd husband left me for his best friend’s 26 year old girl friend. My 2nd marriage was a mistake because I wasn’t over the first and my first husband died in 1995. I feel like a failure because I put my heart and soul in this marriage just to have it thrown back in my face. I swore when my 3rd husband left me I would not be self absorbed and if I were lucky enough to find love again and I was going to hold on to it with both hands… that didn’t work out for me either.
Trust me, it’s the parents…
(UNITED STATES) I am in the worst situation. Before my huisband and I were married he had kids with other women. The kids are all grown and we have been married almost 5 years. The problem is whenever they call, no matter what we are doing or what we have planned, he goes to them.
One time it was to see his sons new motorcycle. This is just a small example of the ridiculous things that he lets come between us. I have found that he has been unfaithful before and have tried to forget it but it seems every move he makes I wonder if he’s going to do it again.
He used to tell me a lot of times that we need to communicate more and now he does just the opposite. He makes decisions without even talking to me and then expects me to just deal with the outcomes with the poor decisions. I am at my wits end.
Every time we get into an argument over his kids or the decisions he makes alone we are growing further apart. I love him a lot but I can not keep going thruogh a marriage where the decision making is so divided. Please help me.
(USA) I know it is difficult to deal with a husband who seems to not want anything to do with you. The advice I was given is excellent. Instead of complaining about him, ask God to bless him and change him. But most important, believe it will happen.
A woman did this for many years and now her man does not cheat on her, he accompanys her to church and is attentive to her. She says that there were times that she wanted to walk out but she loved him so much that she couldn’t. In short, she has seen a miracle! God says we have 2 choices; our way of trying to resolve problems or HIS way. Remember, HIS ways are higher than our ways. I prefer to follow HIS plan. Mine never work for the good!
(USA) My husband and I have been together for 2 years now. We both come from prior marriages and have children with our ex’s. We have a son of our own now and I feel like he doesn’t pay enough attention to him. I feel that my husband can’t balance having a new family.
My husband met me while going through his divorce and really confided in me. Now I can’t hardly get him to talk to me. He simply shuts down and says he doesn’t want to argue. All I’m wanting is to communicate with him. He’s always on the defense and says his girls are our trouble.
This isn’t true. I am good to his girls. None of our children live with us except our son. I feel that he is very depressed and feels guilty that he doesn’t live with his girls. He told me the other night that he’s not in love with me anymore but that he will always love and care about me. This is very confusing to me.
I want my marriage to work for us and our son. My husband says he wants us to work it out but refuses counceling. He said he doesn’t want to be ganged up on. I could really use some advice. Please help me.
(USA) I love my husband of 22 years more than I can say. We married late, had four children and dated 4 years before marriage. I have been so happy and always felt so blessed that he came into my life. Arrogant of me, I suppose, but I thought he was my reward for raising a younger sister and putting the needs of my family first. I had a wonderful job, was quite attractive and had lots of friends when we met.
Now I am not so attractive, have not worked in 10 years because I have been raising children. I think he is no longer proud of me. He works very hard, travels a great deal and has been very successful. I do everything else–school, house repairs, sports, tutoring, etc. so that when he is home, the world revolves around him.
I found as the children grew older that he was very disappointed in them and in me because he was afraid that I didn’t take it as seriously because they are great kids and each has his own gifts, so I think that was the beginning of his discord. He loves our children very much and wants the best for them. He started to pull away from me and the more I tried to engage him, the more distant he became. He started to get angry when I would touch him and would turn away if I tried to kiss him goodbye. He wouldn’t talk to me but finally, almost three years ago, he told me that he wanted a different life, that he didn’t love me anymore, but that we would raise our children together.
I know this sounds stupid, but I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I had never planned to marry–had always been the kind of girl who had lots of male friends but I was never the girl everyone wanted. I cannot tell you how much I loved him and believed in him and how much I adored our children and his family. The high point of my day had always been when he came home.
I have always been a rock for everyone, but I did not behave very well. I came apart and I barely remember those few weeks after his announcement; he left for a while, but came back and we live together quite harmoniously but he spends as much time as possible away. Much of the time he seems his warm, sweet self and I tell myself he does love me, but then he will be very cold and cutting. Our children are grown except for one. I have tried everything to keep our marriage together. I have never tried to manipulate him and I do not try to press him for affection unless he offers his cheek for a kiss.
I have no one to talk to about this, and I hate myself for being such a coward. I want him to stay with me, but I don’t want to be the source of his terrible unhappiness. I am a warm, loving person and have suffered a lot of loss in my life. My cherished sister and beloved mother died years ago. I think the stress is telling on both of us, but particularly on him. I tried about a year ago to talk to him, but he says he doesn’t know what he wants. We are both such cowards. I know what he doesn’t want (me), but I am so afraid that my whole life has been an illusion and that perhaps he has never loved me at all. In all those years, when he was working such long hours, maybe it was because he didn’t want to come home.
I go through the days all chirpy and continue to treat him with love and courtesy. Our children do not suspect, nor any of our friends, but I feel such a fraud, that I have isolated myself almost completely. He may want me to make the decision to leave, but I don’t think I am strong enough. I am selfish enough to want to be essential to him. I am not all the person I was before. I feel this heavy, sadness pressing down on me and I cannot see a way out that will not be damaging to everyone. I can also say in all honesty that I know my husband very well. He has never experienced the trauma of a broken home because he was raised in a Norman Rockwell painting, and I don’t think he has any concept of how this will affect me or our children. I believe he thinks everyone will be fine and that he and I will be the best of friends.
I read somewhere that it is impossible to continue to love who does not love you back, that even the most tenacious will give up. Maybe I am too stubborn to give up, or maybe there is something wrong with me because I am so ashamed of the way we are living. I don’t know how to stop loving someone once I love them. I see from reading these posts that lots of you have the same problem, and I am sorry for that. I would not wish these feelings on anyone. Do any of you know men or women who have left their families and created a new life? Are they happy? Was it worth all the pain? Did they ever regret leaving or miss their former life? I would really like to hear from men and women who did make the decision to part instead of staying together when one is miserable. Thank you and God Bless all of you.
As I read through your comment, my heart sunk for you. How sad to experience rejection from your marriage partner! I’m so sorry. But please know that it is NOT impossible to find new love again –even in a marriage, which seems like love has died. Love CAN grow again if the right conditions are allowed to be cultivated.
As I read through the ending of your comment though, the thought occurred to me that instead of trying to leave the marriage, why not work on getting yourself back in touch with the world out there and working on yourself? There are a series of books that come to mind:The Walk Out Woman: When Your Heart Is Empty and Your Dreams Are Lost (Gray, Alice)
and also, The Worn Out Woman: When Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty
and perhaps even, The Wounded Woman: Hope and Healing for Those Who Hurt
.
When you click into the books listed, you’ll see other choices to look through, as well. Perhaps several of these books can help. I’ve seen a lot of good come out of the things Alice Gray and Dr Steve Stephens have written. Their books are both practical and inspirational.
You mention that you aren’t “so attractive” anymore. I have a feeling that there is a lot of beauty inside that is ready to come out on the outside, if you explore it more. You have raised several children, you have been a good wife, now go into this new time of your life where you focus on exploring who you are as a woman of God in this part of your life. Don’t look at dumping out of your marriage (as too many others do), but look into becoming a mature, attractive woman –making the best of all that is buried within you and all that you can grab onto, with the help the Lord can give you. I have a feeling that not only will this renew a spark within you, but your husband, kids, friends and others, who will see the sparkler that you are! You have nothing to lose by doing this and yet have oh, so much to gain. I hope you’ll see this as an opportunity to grow, in a good way, a healthy way. May God bless you on this journey.
(USA) I need help with my marriage. My wife refuses to have sex, show affection, go to counseling and hides behind scripture and makes excuses to continue to have this dead relationship. How can a problem be fixed without anybody doing what they should to get the ball rolling? I get no credit for the good I do and the fact that I repented for my wrongs doesn’t seem to matter.
I’m tired of living like this and it makes hollering and cursing feel like nothing wrong even though I know it’s not helping. I need to know how can the power she’s using be put to an end? We have two young daughters and I don’t want them to be without either of us. Could somebody tell my wife that she’s not helping by emotionally abandoning me? Thank You.
(USA) My wife and I are about to go to counseling for the first time tomorrow. We have only been married about 3 years. We started off so strong. We were in love and in lust, and for a long time it stayed that way. I never wanted to be apart from her, and still don’t. We were working for a theme park at the time we met on a contract of 8 months. We met the first day, and were engaged to be married in about 3 months.
Those were magical times. We were so in love it was insane. Then the contract ended and we had to make a choice where to move. So we moved in with my parents. Our plan was to get jobs, raise some money before we got married and move into our own place. Well, in the economic times finding a job was really hard. I found one within a month or two and we started saving, but my wife was having trouble finding a job. Her parents were pressing her to not “waste her degree” claiming the state of New Jersey was “hard” to get a job in. She started to become depressed, and starting popping oxycontin here and there. She then got a random email from a company in Wisconsin and decided this was a good opportunity and applied to the position.
She told me about it, and I was devastated. I had just got a really good job, followed the plan, I was supporting us and she was repaying me with this quite “we could live separately for a while, then get back together”! We had not even gotten married yet!!! Just to add she does claim to this day that she was very selfish and would never leave me, but at the time she was very serious about it. I was madly in love with her and what she said broke my heart. I would weep at work, and even gave in and said I would apply to the same company.
She ended up getting rejected via mail, but this was such a heartbreaking situation that I went numb, and was fearful she would leave me for the next job that emails her. In the months and years following this I became cold, and developed jealous habits. I felt as if she did not care as much as I did so I started to push her away. When we would fight I would end up saying I want a divorce out of anger a lot, and she would crumble and beg me to stop saying it. Looking back on it I know I was breaking her heart and it was so vindicitive. I hate myself for not just burying the hatchet and loving my wife as best I could.
Well, lately we had been issues with our physical relationship in many ways. First off she is rarely home. She works as a dance teacher and her classes are at night, as well as being a server at a restaurant. I am in construction so I am gone during the early morning and day.
The lack of seeing her was starting to take its toll on me. While we had our fights and I had resentment issues dating back to her trying to leave me for a job I still love her so much. She started to become a little distant and smoking a lot of marijuana. I am not against the stuff, but she smokes all day now. It started to worry me.
Being I am immature though, I handled the situation by being vindictive. I felt closed off, so I closed her off. It made it worse. We stopped talking and it seemed she did not care. Then one night she just walks out the door does not say goodbye or I love you at about 9pm. She returns home at about 1AM and her eyes are crazy bloodshot. Apparently she was out smoking with some creepy older man who I can’t stand and she knows it. I totally lose it and say. “who are you? You are like a zombie, I don’t love you anymore I want a divorce!”
Well, that was apparently the last straw. We did make up at first and I truly do regret taking it that far and I really am seeing the error of my ways here, but a month after me saying that my wife came to me one day and said she could not get the picture of my face saying “I don’t love you” out of her head, and that she thinks she can no longer give me the love and affection she once could.
For the first time ever I thought my marriage was really over. I crumbled. I have been crying for a month and my wife is being sexually distant. I begged her to let me try everything within my power to become a better less angry person. She agreed to marriage counseling but assured me that it was possible she may never be able to give me love and affection anymore.
Well, it has been a month since that conversation and marriage counseling is tomorrow. In that month I cried like a madman for the first few weeks. Just out of control sobbing. I would bring up my pain to her from time to time and she claimed to be in pain to and I saw that, but it seemed the issue could not be talked about anymore. So I just started showing my wife unconditional love. I touch her when I can, and with each day she appears to let her guard down a little more. We have gotten in a few fights that have tested my anger issue and I have been able to handle them with poise and consideration like never before.
When she told me she could not show me love and affection anymore it shook my foundation and it feels like she demolished every negative emotion I ever had. I feel like the only thing I want to do from when I wake up to when I fall asleep is to prove to her that I love her. I feel like I am being overwhelming though. Sometimes I even feel a bit pathetic. Like I am groveling. She is not mean to me, she gives me kisses and lately we have been cuddling again, but I feel as if I am being relentless. It is what my heart is telling me to do though I can’t contain myself. Should I tone it down and let her come to me, or should I stop thinking about what she will do and just do what my heart tells me?
(USA) I had this situation in my first marriage. Sad to say, but I tried and prayed for 27 years to no avail. It turned out that he had some emotional trauma from his childhood, and once we had children and life became stressful, instead of reaching out, he shut himself in and couldn’t be accessed physically or emotionally. I tried for a long time and begged for counseling, but he refused.
When I finally left the marriage, he poured out all the emotion I had longed to feel for so long, but it was too late for us. He basically had a nervous breakdown, and finally got the counseling he needed, and now we are both married to other people and are very happy. We get together often with our children and have become a much healthier group.
My suggestion, get counseling immediately and if he/she refuses, don’t delay leaving. If I had left sooner, I might have been able to save the marriage. God bless.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I am a married women with one child from my past relationship. My husband does not have any children. We have been trying for a baby since last year. He was cheating on me the whole time we were trying. We talked about it and he promised to change because he was aware I was stressed. But this year he is busy pushing me to doctors while he is not doing anything for himself. He makes me feel resposible at the same time accusing me of cheating. He tells me he is tired of me and I should get out of the house and leave.
Praise, You and your husband need to fix your marriage relationship first, before you would even start to consider bringing another child into such an unstable home. Whether it’s his “fault” or your “fault” for the stress that is being stirred up within the home, you both need to come together and realize that children are a gift from God. When we bring them into this world it isn’t just to spit out another baby, but rather to welcome him or her into a home, which is cradled in love –one that will nurture and give that child the best opportunity to grow up healthy and strong. A home that is fractured by infidelity and accusation pointing and stress doesn’t sound like the type of home I’d volunteer to grow up in.
Please consider your child and any other children you may birth. Come together and work together to find ways to lavish love on each other and work out your differences in adult ways, rather than childish, self-serving ways. It IS possible, but not if we don’t put intentionality into it. We have a lot of communication tools and romantic ideas and such, posted on this web site to help you with this mission IF you will commit yourselves to do it.
(US) My wife does not want me except for financial reasons. We have no physical touch and I have tried everything. It has been years. I am ready to move on with my life. Will God be with me?