The following are a number of quotes that Marriage Missions International individually posted on our Facebook site as marriage tips, which can still be used in a variety of ways:
• A church, ministry, counseling organization, or an individual can use them to share on their Facebook site, if desired.
• They can be used as points of discussion in marriage classes, mentoring, counseling, or coaching situations.
• Couples or individuals can use these quotes to discuss or consider the issues raised, allowing the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, to speak further to them.
They make great discussion points for those couples who want to use them for conversation starters for their 22 Minute Date (the guidelines are posted in the Romantic Idea topic). Just make sure, if you use these quotes in a dating situation, you don’t get into heated arguments over them.
The point in sharing these marriage tips is to build marital relationship bridges, not construct walls of contention, causing a breakdown of communication. You can constructively disagree with these tips and with each other, and still learn more about each other and grow closer together, in the process.
It is our sincere hope that the tips below will help marriages. As you read them, consider:
1. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
2. Do you have further thoughts on the issue, to apply personally or as a general rule? (If you’re reading them with someone else, please share.)
3. Do any scriptures come to mind, which apply to the marriage tip given? (If possible, please share.)
The following are quotes to note for your use (the sources are noted afterward in parenthesis):
• “Ephesians 4:27 says, ‘Do not give the devil a foothold.‘ The word ‘foothold’ means ‘a place of authority.’ By not dealing with grievances biblically, you allow Satan an opportunity to gain a place of authority in your life and gain a place in your spirit from which to attack you emotionally. You feel bitter and angry even when you want to be set free from those emotions. Deal with little things, before they become big.” (Dr Ray Pritchard & wife Marlene, from Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Curing the Itch Mites”)
• Marriage is meant to enhance, strengthen, and cause you to seek the goodness of God. Many of God’s blessings are attained by the intimate relationship you share with your spouse. To reach your full potential for Christ, look into your spouse. You are God’s gift to each other. This gift needs to be opened. The gifts inside your husband or wife are found in intimate communication and prayer together. (David & Gretchen Willard, from the book, “Breakthrough Marriage” pg 19)
• “What a marriage needs is the superglue of Philippians 2:3: ‘Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourselves.‘ This requires sacrificial effort. The Bible describes this plan in Matthew 22:39: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” There’s no closer neighbor than the one you wake up with each morning!” (Dennis Rainey, from the Familylife.com article, “Superglue Your Marriage”)
• The kitchen is a place of necessity and service but how those daily tasks are executed can communicate love. Galatians 5:13 instructs us to serve one another in love. When my husband lovingly serves me, or I him, it feeds a cycle of love and service. When one of us does our daily tasks for the family with an irritated spirit, it feeds a cycle of self-centeredness and frustration. How are you serving in your home? (April Motl, from Crosswalk.com article, “Cleaning House: What Areas of Your Marriage Could Improve?” )
• The bedroom of a marriage is a place of rest, privacy, and intimacy. The bedroom is meant for a husband, wife and the Lord —that is it. Your sexuality was not designed to be shared outside of marriage. Invite the Lord into the bedroom of your marriage, and ask Him to wash your heart, mind and habits with His Word of truth. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm…” Galatians 5:1 (April Motl, from Crosswalk.com article, “Cleaning House: What Areas of Your Marriage Could Improve?”)
• “The den of your marriage represents personal recreation. When you go about your personal recreation, is it a time/activity that’s open to your spouse or is it one that’s secretive?” It’s ok to have a time of personal recreation, but if it threatens your marriage relationship, it’s problematic and if it’s something in which you’d be ashamed to invite Christ to participate with you, you know in your heart, it is wrong. (First part of quote is from April Motl, from Crosswalk.com article, “Cleaning House: What Areas of Your Marriage Could Improve?”)
• Does the TV distract you from your marriage? Do certain video games sap undivided focus from your spouse? While the Bible never says, “thou shalt not watch TV,” we’re wise to watch out that good things don’t become distractions from the best things. Paul said “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything” 1 Corinthians 6:12-13. (April Motl, from Crosswalk.com article, “Cleaning House: What Areas of Your Marriage Could Improve?”)
• The garage of your marriage is the place where all the stuff goes that you don’t know what to do with. There might be something in your marriage that you wrestle with individually or can’t agree on as a couple that ends up getting tossed in the “garage.” Take some time to think about why these issues matter and why they trip you up. If there is something you don’t know how to handle in your marriage, ask God! (April Motl, from Crosswalk.com article, “Cleaning House: What Areas of Your Marriage Could Improve?”)
• The Bible says, “In all things give thanks.” Question: “Are you demolishing or building your relationship with your spouse? Are you building a house of gratitude? Each secret choice you make to have an attitude of gratitude is like an extra piece of wood that strengthens and reinforces your marriage house. You live with what your secret choices build.” (Linda Dillow, from book, “What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?” page 67)
• “’Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins‘ -1 Peter 4:8. A simple interpretation of that verse: Be QUICK to forgive the STUPID things your spouse does. Real love means going to the wall for them, stretching to the limit. We’re to love each other with a stretched-out love because ‘love covers a multitude of sins.’ The meaning is—love refuses to wash its dirty laundry in public.” (Dr Ray Pritchard & wife Marlene, from Keepbelieving.com sermon “Curing the Itch Mites”)
• “An intimate relationship like marriage brings to the surface all the rough edges and imperfections in people. It requires no special insight to look at one’s spouse and identify where they need to change. When we’re honest though, we recognize traits in OURSELVES which are not helpful to our marriage.” “Search me O God and know my heart, test me… See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Dr Bob Burpee, Quote from Nationalmarriage.com article, “Stepping Forward: Acceptance and Hope”)
• Secrets for a Happy Marriage: – Compliment more than you criticize. – For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell 3 positive stories. – Remember that it’s ok to do things differently (e.g. there’s more than 1 way to peel a potato or fold the laundry). – Always make time for the two of you. – Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns. (Gloria Redner from article, “Have You Ever Wondered What is the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage”)
• Happy Marriage Secrets: Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their mother/father. – Never go to bed angry. – Before starting an argument, consider if it’s really worth it. – Agree to disagree. – Remember, “love is like childhood. You need to learn to share.” – Marriage is not 50/50; it’s 2 people giving 100/100 all of the time. – Never pass up an opportunity to say, “I love you.” (Gloria Redner from article, “Have You Ever Wondered What is the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage”)
• Secrets to a Happy Marriage: – Never pass up an opportunity to say “I love you.” -Hold hands. – Hug and kiss every day (several times a day actually!). – Always believe that you got better than you deserved. – Be quick to say “I’m sorry.” – Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose. – Love isn’t always a feeling, it’s a decision. – Hang in there. It’s worth it. – Play nice, play often, love much. (Gloria Redner article, “Have You Ever Wondered What is the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage”)
• Happy Marriage Secrets: – Play nice, play often, love much. – Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public. – Always respect each other. – Never underestimate the power of a good belly laugh and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. – It’s ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger. – Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what’s going on in the inside. (Gloria Redner, from article, “Have You Ever Wondered What is the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage”)
• “Saying you believe or merely belonging to a church does little for marriage. But the more you’re involved in the practice of your faith in real ways—learning regularly from Scripture, being in communion with God though prayer, having friends and family around who challenge you to take marriage seriously—the greater difference this makes in strengthening the quality and longevity of our marriages. Faith does matter.” (Glen T. Stanton, from the Bpnews.net article, “FIRST-PERSON: The Christian divorce rate myth (what you’ve heard is wrong”)
• Pay attention to your rituals of connection at the beginning and end of the day. Couples often start their marriage with elaborate goodbye/hello kisses and hugs, only to drift [in a negative direction]. Make sure your greeting and goodbye rituals are significant. Don’t miss the opportunity to communicate single-mindedness about your marriage to both your mate and your children (who are watching your every move). (Ron Deal, from Growthtrac.com article, “Adding Significance to Your Marriage”)
• Flirting [together, as spouses] is what can keep marriages strong. You can flirt in person, through notes, texts, the phone. Why does flirting stop? It shouldn’t. Saying sweet things, changing your tone of voice for your spouse, [plus more] adds excitement and a sense of security to your marriage. The Bible even talks about flirting. Just read Song of Solomon. Enjoy flirting with your spouse. God wants you to. (From, Godcenteredmarriage.com)
• You were married because you love each other and want to be connected to each other forever. So whatever you do to reconnect the love and passion is not only good for you two, but also for your child. You cannot overstate the parenting benefits of a loving marriage. [If there are problems] children are often the warning signal that you need to address your own love and trust within the marriage. (Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, from Lifeway.com article, “Reconnect with Your Spouse”)
• Children are very important, but they are not as important as the marriage. There are a couple of things you must remember to keep this idea in perspective. First, your children will have a much more difficult time having a successful marriage of their own, and all the happiness a successful marriage brings, if they don’t see you having one. Second, children are a temporary assignment. (Jimmy Evans, from book, “Our Secret Paradise” page 93)
• Keep intimacy at the center of your marriage, not just in the bedroom. Expressing love and appreciation daily will keep your marriage strong. Make a concerted effort to not let the busy stuff of life get between you and your spouse. If you’re too tired to be intimate with your spouse then you need to re-prioritize your life. Warning: if you don’t affirm your spouse someone else may be willing to do it for you. (T. Jackson, from Restoringrelationships.info)
• It’s hard to say ‘no’ to a crying baby, but as your children get a little older, don’t be afraid to tell them, “It’s Mommy and Daddy time right now.” It’s also important to set boundaries for yourselves. It’s too easy to give our best time and energy away to everyone and everything else, other than your spouse. Let the dishes sit in the sink for a few minutes and carve out some time to reconnect with one another. (Glen & Christie Hoos, from Growthtrac.com article, “Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase”)
• The Bible is the best guide to teach you to truly love each other. “This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do. Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:8–9)
• Embrace a Little Tenderness. Placing blame on or judging your spouse will only distance you from each other, so if the issue isn’t that serious, then be playful and don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh at your own foibles, not your partner’s. One way to prove to each other that you’re in this together is to say you’re sorry every once in a while. It’s a relationship Band-Aid that can heal a lot of wounds. (Drs. Michael F. Roizen & Mehmet C. Oz, from Tipsonlifeandlove.com article, “10 Steps to a Better Love Life”)
• Just because you are married, it does not give you a license to be mean-spirited and disrespectful in the way in which you speak to your spouse —no matter how he or she speaks to you. “Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips” (Proverbs 4:24). Treat your spouse “as unto the Lord” and you will do well. “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21).
• Never… never …NEVER call each other names! Well, sweet names are OK… but not derogatory names! We bring this up because we’re finding too many couples trying to hurt their spouses by calling them names. Degrading names are like nails. You can nail shut your mate’s heart by calling him or her names —names that declare, “You are BAD and you will never change.” That’s why name-calling does so much harm. (Patrick & Dwaina Six, from GTO Growth Point Newsletter 2/24/2011)
• Name-calling can do a lot of harm to your relationship with your spouse. “Be aware that you can sometimes name-call and not even know it. ‘You’re just like your mother!’ ‘Men! You’re all alike!’ These are name-calling too. Make it your determination by God’s grace, to NOT call your mate a name, even if you think he or she deserves it. God is willing and able to help you overcome this habit if you’ll let Him!” (Patrick & Dwaina Six, from GTO Growth Point Newsletter 2/24/2011)
• The tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18). Don’t have anything to do with foolish, stupid arguments, because they produce quarrels. The Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone… not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to knowledge of the truth, that they will come to their senses… (2 Timothy 2:23-26).
• “Refine the fine art of listening. Turn off the TV. Give each other your undivided attention. Giving attention and truly listening, has been said to be the cornerstone of love. Listen with an open heart, hearing what is there as opposed to what you might want to hear. Listen for what is not being said” (Dr David Hawkins). “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance” (Proverbs 1:5). (From the Crosswalk.com article, “The Power of Being One With Your Mate”)
• Marriage is a witness to the honor and glory of God. Until we grasp this, we’ll never have a proper foundation for thinking Christianly about marriage. In the debates convulsing our society, we must ask, “Where is God glorified in this?” It’s never enough to say, “This is what I want.” Or “This is how I feel so it must be right.” We must ask, “How can we live our lives to bring the greatest honor and glory to God?” (Dr Ray Pritchard, from Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Is Marriage Really Made in Heaven?”)
• Arrogance has no place in marriage. Only when you admit that you aren’t perfect, can you grow and become one. Humility is just not saying “I have faults”. It is willing to accept criticism (done in love!) and be willing to grow. Humility is the building block for most of our growth as a human being and marriage does not escape needing it. “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another.” (1 Peter 5:5) (R. Graf from Hubpages.com article, “10 Must Do’s For a Successful, Happy Marriage”)
• When you go to a gathering, do NOT leave your spouse at the door and only look for them when the night is over. Don’t do the exact opposite either and follow their every footstep. But seek them out throughout the event. Even if it’s just a gentle touch of the hand as you walk by, it’s a message that you care and that you’re thinking of them. (R Graf, from Hubpages.com article, “10 Must Do’s For a Successful, Happy Marriage”)
• Did you know that touching (non-sexual as well as sexual) raises the level of oxytocin in your body and makes you feel more bonded to the one you’re touching? That’s a good reason to touch your mate and your kids every day. Hold hands every chance you get, give back rubs while watching TV, wrap your arms around each other. Your relationship will have the potential to grow deeper and closer. (Harold and Bette Gillogy, From GTO Ministries)
• Consider the atmosphere you create in your bedroom. Is the bedroom the place where you talk about your disagreements? If it creates a negative atmosphere in your bedroom, find a different place in the house to discuss certain issues. And then together with your spouse pray over your bedroom. Pray that God would make it a place or rest, peace, intimacy, growth, and laughter. “Seek peace and pursue it.“(Psalm 34:14) (from Godcenteredmarriage.com)
• Choosing to believe in your spouse’s goodwill can and does work! Successful marriages experience Crazy Cycle moments that feel offensive, but spouses can choose to trust that the other has goodwill. One husband put it succinctly: “We still have issues where we get on the Crazy Cycle, but then I stop and realize how petty we’re being. We’re both good willed. I think I forget that too often.” (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, from book, “Cracking the Communication Code”)
• John Ortberg says, “Humility has to do with submitted willingness. It involves a healthy self-forgetfulness.” In marriage, that is key! “Self-forgetfulness” is possibly the most valuable word in marriage and one of the most difficult to implement. But, when a marriage consists of a husband and wife whose ultimate goal is to do whatever it takes to please God and please the other person, that marriage will succeed. (Matthew White, from Focusonthefamily.com article, “Humility and Self-Forgetfulness”)
• We shouldn’t seek to grow in character just to match the person we marry. We allow Christ to grow His character in us, because we desire to be like Him. Do you see the difference? We don’t become God’s child when we marry. We are His children because He is our Savior. Marriage is not an ending; it’s another lane in the race God has called us to run. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…” (Read Hebrews 12.) (Deborah Teat, from Ladiesagainstfeminism.com article, “Thoughts on Singleness”)
• There are exceptions, but often: “When you struggle with your partner, you’re struggling within yourself. The faults you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.’ On a deeper level, most of these ‘faults’ that one finds in their partner are issues they struggle with themselves, on a different level. The spouse who is putting the other ‘at fault,’ perhaps should look at themselves… how ‘perfect’ are they?” (Joe, from Canada, posted on Marriage Missions International web site 12/15/2010 in article: This Isn’t The Person I Married – Did I Make a Mistake?)
• Dreaming together can deepen the spirit of your partnership. “Dreaming together means dreaming FOR each other, too. You may have individual goals—pursuing a certain hobby, learning a new skill, visiting a college friend far away. That’s when you strengthen your track and field team style—helping each other train and cheering each other on. Thought stimulator: What’s one thing you could do to move toward a mutual goal?” (Renee S. Sanford, from Today’s Christian Woman article: “A Team of Two”)
• “It is important to remember that our conversations with our mates should regularly have a past-present-and-future perspective. If you think about it, when you decided to marry your spouse, you most likely had spent a great deal of time talking about your pasts, which helped endear you to each other, and you had discussed the future, at least enough to picture a long and happy life together. When we get hung up in only discussing the day-to-day activities of life with each other, we have lost two dimensions that caused us to feel connected to each other. Furthermore, we must remember that our desire and our need is to be emotionally intimate with our mate. If we have dwindled to the sole dimension of day-to-day sharing, and even that sharing is void of emotion, then feeling like passing ships is no surprise. (Tim A Gardner, from Today’s Christian Woman article, “How to Spend Time Together”)
• For many of us, the concept of love is difficult because we never learned the right form of love. We treat love like a noun. It’s an experience that happened. But John 13:34 says, “Love one another.” It’s not a one-time event. It’s not a fireworks feeling. It’s an action. A verb. It’s not just about choosing the right person; it’s about becoming the right person —one who loves the way Christ loved us. (Andy Stanley from the Thrivingfamily.com article, “Plan to Stay in Love”)
• Whenever you find yourself in a tough situation in your marriage, take authority over it with prayer in Jesus’ name. When you pray with God-given authority, it releases the power of God to work in both of your lives. You can’t necessarily change the strong will of your spouse, but when you pray for him/her, you invite God to create an atmosphere in the spirit realm around him/her that helps him/her to better see Truth. (Stormie Omartian, from the book, “The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage,” page 20)
• “In Philippians 4:8 we are told how to keep our minds from focusing on the negative: ‘Keep your minds on whatever is true, pure, right, holy, friendly and proper. Don’t ever stop thinking about what is truly worthwhile and worthy of praise’ (CEV). That advice works not only in life, but in marriage, especially when it comes to how you choose to view your spouse. We say choose because it is a choice. Human nature will see what is there. It will notice the negative and focus on it. A divine nature (God’s love working through you) will see the best in the other —’the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse’ (Philippians 4:8b, The Message) By looking for the good intention, the silver lining, the shred of goodness in something your spouse is doing that annoys you, you will condition yourself to be one who praises the positive in another person.” (Hugh and Cindi McMenamin -from Crosswalk.com article, “Want a Closer Connection? Praise Your Spouse”)
• People either live up to or down to your expectations. …What a difference it makes when a husband truly believes in his wife, when he sees her not for what she is but for what she could be. What a difference it makes when a wife says to her husband, when his dream is teetering on the brink of destruction, “Honey, I believe in you and no matter what happens, we’re going to make it through this thing together.” (Dr Ray Pritchard, from Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Grow Up!”)
• “Spend time together and protect that time from all invaders, including the phone, work, household chores, and yes, the children. My wife and I have instilled in our children the ‘3 B Rule.’ If she and I are having ‘connecting time,’ the kids can only interrupt us if someone is bleeding, someone is broken, or something is burning. Beyond that, they must wait to talk to us.” (Tim A Gardner, from Today’s Christian Woman article, “How to Spend Time Together”)
• When we serve our spouses, we make them feel as if they’re what’s most important to us. This is the essence of the second greatest commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:38). Serving our mate needs to be a decision that we make every day. I encourage you to wake up each morning and think of several ways to honor your mate by serving him or her unconditionally. (Erin Smalley, from article, “Becoming a Great Date”)
• “A little praise goes a long way. Has it been awhile since you’ve praised the positive in your better half? Go ahead, make a list of at least five things you appreciate about your spouse and then leave that list for him or her to see, read it the next time the two of you have dinner together, or call your spouse once a day for the next five days simply to tell him or her one thing on that list that you truly appreciate. You’ll be surprised at how praising the positive will draw the two of you closer together.” (Hugh and Cindi McMenamin, from Crosswalk.com article, “Want a Closer Connection? Praise Your Spouse”)
• “Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live. It must be killed and destroyed TODAY and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love. And while you’re at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse. ‘Rejoice in the wife [husband] of your youth.‘” Read Proverbs 5:15-23. (Kendrick, from “The Love Dare” pages 118-119)
• Wherever you are in your marriage, no doubt you have some scratches and dents [from the “bumps and challenges” life brings your way]. Perhaps you’re tempted to see those imperfections as a sign that you’re “settling for less.” Take heart in a biblical principle: Christ’s strength and glory does not shine through our perfection, but through showing each other His grace in the midst of our weakness and disappointment. (From Focus on the Family article, “Optimistic Love”)
• Are you married to your soul mate? “The sacred secret to becoming soul mates is pursuing a mutual communion with God.” (Les & Leslie Parrott) “The key is the word pursuing. We pursue something by choice. We create a mutual communion by intentionally working at it. Couples who are true soul mates get that way and stay that way by continually choosing to go deeper in their relationships with God and each other.” (Tim Alan Gardner, from the article, “Secrets of a Soul Mate”)
• “Throughout the Bible, God gives us the simple yet powerful details on how to have a great marriage, telling husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), both intentional choices. Even more amazing is that out of all the possible illustrations God could have chosen, he picked the relationship between the husband and the wife to exemplify the soul-deep intimacy he desires with his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:32).” (Tim Alan Gardner, from the Today’s Christian Woman article, “Secrets of a Soul Mate”)
• “God designed real love to be something you do, not something you mystically have. Working at it is built into the system. The real question isn’t, ‘Have you found your soul mate?’ The real question is, ‘Are you working, everyday, to become even deeper, more connected, and more in love soul mates?’ God desires for us to have a soul mate, and the one he wants us to have is the one to whom we already said, ‘I do.'” (Tim Alan Gardner, from the Today’s Christian Woman article, “Secrets of a Soul Mate”)
• “Out of all the possible illustrations God could have chosen, He picked the relationship between the husband and wife to exemplify the soul-deep intimacy He desires with his bride, the church (Ephesians 5:32)… In my counseling work and in my own marriage, I’ve discovered that only by accepting that charge to represent Christ in our marriage can we find the soul mate experience for which we long. Our loving God wants his married children to experience deep, loving, soul-touching relationships in marriage. That connection is accomplished only through committed effort.” (Tim Alan Gardner, from the Today’s Christian Woman article, “Secrets of a Soul Mate”)
• Intentionally show kindness to your spouse: “I’d like to submit a bumper sticker with these words: Practice Specific Acts of Kindness. A random act of kindness, though it may deliver a quick high, has little potential for furthering relationships or building the kingdom. Deliberate acts of kindness, on the other hand, do the good that Paul speaks of in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, ‘Encourage one another and build each other up.‘” (From Boundless.org article, “Practice Non-Random Acts of Kindness”)
• “Commit your marriage to God, placing all your hope in Him, trusting in His unfailing love. Keep your eyes on God rather than on your difficulties. Remember that God has promised never to leave or forsake you. Ask God to resurrect your marriage, no matter how dead it seems at times, because He has the power to do it and wants the best for both you and your spouse. Pray to grow stronger in faith—in God, and in each other.” (Stormie Omartian, from Crosswalk.com article, “Transform Your Marriage through the Power of Prayer”)
• “Create an environment where love can flourish. Create the time and space, as well as the intentionality, for love to blossom. Plan new adventures, see new sights, take up new hobbies together. Explore new ideas that will invigorate your relationship and spark your senses. Pursue these visions together and watch your marriage grow into what you always knew could exist. The Lord wants your marriage to be alive and wonderful.” (Dr. David B. Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “New Decade, Renewed Marriage”)
• “Every path has some puddles.” In marriage, when you and your spouse come upon them, you can either lower yourselves, stoop down and start flinging mud at each other—causing hurt feelings and a huge mess, or you can prayerfully purpose to work together to figure out how to jump over them. “Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool [or behavior that causes resentment] is heavier than both” (Proverbs 27:3). (Emerson Eggerichs)
• “How you talk about each other to friends, family and strangers may predict your success as a couple. Researchers at the University of Washington found that couples with lasting marriages described their spouse in glowing terms. Those who divorced talked about their spouse with cynicism. Bottom line: When you [want to] whine about your spouse to others, reconsider and [instead] praise your partner in front of others.” (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, from Thrivingfamily.com article, “Become Your Spouse’s Publicist”)
• “Your attitudes shape the way you view your spouse. If you publicly praise your spouse, you will inevitably look more favorably upon him or her and discover a deeper appreciation for your partner than you had before. In other words, what you say about your spouse, for good or ill, shapes the way you think, feel and act. That’s why giving your partner good public relations is valuable to both of you.” (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, from Thrivingfamily.com article, “Become Your Spouse’s Publicist”)
• “There are times when we need to talk with a trusted friend about what matters most in our life. But we also need to keep in mind that what we say about our spouse to others has a significant impact on how we feel about our marriage. Here’s the bottom line: When you have the urge to whine about your spouse to others, reconsider, and don’t let a good opportunity to praise your partner in front of others pass you by.” (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, from Thrivingfamily.com article, “Become Your Spouse’s Publicist”)
• Shine a spotlight on something you appreciate about your spouse. We don’t always notice the positives in our spouse. “So here’s a challenge: Be on the lookout for something to publicly praise your partner about and then express it to someone within the next day. Make it a goal. No need to tell your partner. And don’t worry about whether he or she ever knows. Just be intentional about giving your spouse positive press.” (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, from Thrivingfamily.com article, “Become Your Spouse’s Publicist”)
• “A poll of 4000 couples found that spouses who described themselves as “very happy” hug one another at least 4 times a day. Science has found correlations between human touch and physical health. I’m not even talking about sexual intercourse! Just holding hands, hugs, a pat on the back, a hand on the arm or other touches like this have a great impact on our mental wellness, our health and the state of our relationships.” (Mark Gungor, from Laughyourway.com article, “Hugs = Happier Marriages”)
• Let’s be honest, if happiness were the main force in keeping a marriage together, everybody in the human race who’s ever been married would get divorced. I’m not saying we should be miserable in our marriages; I’m saying happiness isn’t the main goal. God has so much he wants to teach us and shape us into thru marriage—if we stick it out long enough to discover his plans for us. That’s what brings happiness. (Ginger Kolbaba, from Marriage Partnership Magazine)
• Marriage is like a freeway; divorce is an off-ramp. As long as you insist on getting off the freeway, you never complete the course God has set before you (Author unknown). “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith… Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:1-3)
• “It’s sobering to recognize that God is a witness at every wedding. That should cause us to say, ‘Because God will testify about our vows, we’ll obey Him by remaining faithful.’ When we marry, we’re doing so in the presence of God Almighty. It’s as if God is giving witness testimony, ‘I heard what you promised. I saw it all happen. Your marriage is not just recorded by the County Clerk, I have the record in heaven.’” (Dr Ray Pritchard, Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Living in Light of the Future”)
• “Rewrite the story of your life. Whether you’re discerning marriage or already married, if your life story has been moving in the wrong direction, invite God to write the rest of your story HIS way. Learn from your mistakes. Confess your sins, and embrace the forgiveness and healing God offers. Rely on God’s grace to grow. Recognize that your identity lies solely in who God says you are —not in what has happened to you.” (Whitney Hopler, from Crosswalk.com article, “Build a Marriage That Goes the Distance”)
• “A vow is like staking our lives on something so powerful only death can put an end to it. My faith in Jesus Christ is like that. Some days I feel spiritual, and at other times doubts plague me. But I don’t turn away from God, despite how I feel today. Good marriages are built on the same principle. The partners are devoted to each other, but they also have a commitment to something [Someone] higher than themselves.” (Cecil Murphey, Today’s Christian Woman article, “Seeing the Sacred”)
• “Choose to be positive. Even if your feelings for your spouse are negative, you can decide to interact in positive ways that will eventually improve your feelings. Figure out specific behaviors you can do to demonstrate that you care about your spouse; then follow thru by doing them regularly. Ask God to help you notice qualities you can appreciate about your spouse. Make a habit of complimenting him or her often.” (Whitney Hopler, from Crosswalk.com article, “Create a New Marriage…with Your Same Spouse”)
• Too often, in the stable atmosphere of marriage, we stop looking outside the immediate routines, to seek new opportunities to have fun together. Before long we’ll find that we’re no longer having fun together at all. Remember, you’ll have many friends, but you’ll be best friends with the person with whom you have the most fun. That person should be your spouse. (Jimmy Evans, from book, “Our Secret Paradise” page 122)
• “In a society like ours, where healthy marriages are the exception and not the rule, if we can build marriages that move against the prevailing tide, we will have a fantastic base from which to share the message of Jesus Christ with our friends and neighbors. No where will the difference between Christianity and modern secularism be more clearly seen than in a truly Christian marriage.” (Dr Ray Pritchard, from Keepbelieving.com sermon, “Is Marriage Really Made in Heaven?”)
• “Scripture tells us to be ‘quick to listen and slow to speak.’ (James 1:19) This goes against our tendency to be quick to speak and slow to listen. Healthy couples perfect the art of listening. This diffuses conflict and creates a loving connection. -First, put your defensiveness aside. If you don’t turn down the volume on the “yes, but…” you never really hear what your mate’s saying.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “Active Listening: Slice It Thinner”)
• “Healthy couples perfect the art of listening” For clarity: “Acknowledge the heart of what [your spouse is] saying. Turn down your defensiveness; repeat to them what you heard them say. ‘You’re saying…’ Repeat, until you’ve reflected the heart of what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to [listen to] it. …Slice it thinner. Ask questions: ‘Are you saying…?’ ‘Do you mean…?’” (Dr David B Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “Active Listening: Slice It Thinner”)
• “Nothing prevents true listening like heated emotion. Anger tends to narrow our focus, exaggerate responses and pit us against our mate. Discouragement can lead us to hear only the worst part of what our mate is saying to us. Every couple longing to be listened to must keep their emotion manageable. They learn to call Time Outs if necessary to make certain they’re in an emotional space to hear their mate.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “Active Listening: Slice It Thinner”)
• For healthy conflict resolution: “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” (James 1:19) “Keep your defensiveness turned down; consider what your mate is saying …and the truth of it. If you cannot agree with all of what your mate is saying, see if you can agree with a ‘kernel of truth’ in what they’re saying. Reflect to your mate that you hear the value of what they’re saying to you.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “Active Listening: Slice It Thinner”)
• “Before fighting find a quiet place to pray for wisdom and God’s will. Seek His help in answering the following questions: What does God want in this situation? Does my attitude and behavior truly glorify God? How would Jesus respond in my situation?” (Dr Steve Stephens, from book, Marriage: Experiencing the Best, page 138)
• “How do you cultivate romance when all around you is difficult? 1 key to help avoid this downward spiral: remember your spouse is not your enemy. You’re on the same team! Facing this problem together with the Lord’s help is the way to overcome it. This sounds basic, yet many of us struggle as if our spouse has done this purposefully to us. When facing pressure, don’t let it dictate IF you’ll romance your spouse.” (Tom and Debi, TheRomanticVineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
• “The issue is not whether we ever argue with each other, but if we’ll allow God to keep our hearts soft toward each other as we disagree. As God points out our wrong attitudes or hurtful words, we can confess and repent on the spot” (Moeller). “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)
• “Jack Hayford, our pastor for 23 years, always said he could tell when a woman was truly loved by her husband, because she grew more beautiful as the years went on. He recognized an inner beauty that doesn’t fade, but rather increases with time when a woman is loved. You have no idea how much your love means to your wife. Don’t withhold it from her, or one way or another you will lose her. The Bible says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so” (Proverbs 3:27). Ask God to increase your love for your wife and enable you to show it in a way that makes her beautiful.” (Stormie Omartian Crosswalk.com article, “Five Ways to Be the Husband God Wants You to Be”)
• “It’s easy to cut back on kissing after you get married and busy with life. Do you remember how much you enjoyed kissing when you were dating, engaged and during early marriage? Well, it can be even better with time. Add more kissing to your day and vary the kind of kissing. Soft, slow, long, short, french, playful, etc.” “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Your love is better than wine.” (Song of Solomon 1:2) (Quote from Lori, from The-generous-wife.com)
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