Facebook Quotes – Page 9

This is the 9th page we’ve created with various Facebook quotes, which we posted on the Marriage Missions Facebook page.

The following are a number of quotes that Marriage Missions International individually posted on our Facebook site as marriage tips, which can still be used in a variety of ways:

• A church, ministry, counseling organization, or an individual can use them to share on their Facebook site, if desired.

• They can be used as points of discussion in marriage classes, mentoring, counseling, or coaching situations.

• Couples or individuals can use these quotes to discuss or consider the issues raised, allowing the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, to speak further to them.

They make great discussion points for those couples who want to use them for conversation starters for a 22 Minute Date (the guidelines are posted in the Romantic Ideas topic). Just make sure, if you use these quotes in a dating situation, you don’t get into heated arguments over them.

The point in sharing these marriage tips is to build marital relationship bridges, not construct walls of contention, causing a breakdown of communication. You can constructively disagree with these tips and with each other, and still learn more about each other and grow closer together, in the process.

It is our sincere hope that the tips below will help marriage. As you read them, please consider:

1. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

2. Do you have further thoughts on the issue to apply personally or as a general rule? (If you’re reading them with someone else, please share.)

3. Do any scriptures come to mind, which apply to the marriage tip given? (If so, please share.)

The following are quotes to note for your use (each paragraph we were able to glean stands on its own —for your knowledge, the original sources are noted afterward in parenthesis):

Are you aware of how change affects members of your family (especially your spouse)? Grab a pad & pen during a moment of quiet & look at any approaching changes (moving house, starting school, changing jobs, baby on the way, etc.). What can you do to make that change easier for your sweetie, for yourself & other family members?” (Lori) What de-stressing changes do you think the Lord would have you make? (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com article, “Preparing for Change”)

“When we offend our spouse by our words, actions, or attitude; it’s common to want to take the easy way out by offering a simple, ‘Sorry’ or ‘I apologize.’ However, just saying these words without proper context is just as hurtful as our 1st offense. It’s more effective/meaningful if we extend the apology by admitting our wrong, acknowledging our spouse’s hurt, intending not to do it again & asking for forgiveness.” (Kevin B. Bullard from Marriageworks.org article, “Half Baked Apologies are Offensive”)

“Edit yourself: Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.” -J.G. It’s too bad we don’t have tape editors hooked up to our vocal chords so that when we say wrong things we can rewind & erase them. Because life doesn’t afford us that luxury we need to be careful of what we say in the 1st place. As the Bible says, “The tongue has the power of life & death.‘” (Quote by Dr John Gottman)

Advocates of easy divorce say: How cruel it is to keep people tied together when they are not happy! It’s true that all restraints are in a sense cruel, but without the sturdy fence, the bawling cattle in the pasture would be destroying themselves in the green corn and damp alfalfa. And so it is with the restraints on divorce. -Fred Hanson

“Because we’re not like God who never grows weary, we must renew love for our [spouses]. We simply can’t wait for the feelings to be there. God doesn’t depend on His feelings for us. He loves us, regardless. We must love our [spouses] that way, too. The world will take it out of us. Pain will take it out of us. The everyday stuff of life will take it out of us. But thanks be to God that He can replenish it in us.” (Cindi McMenamin, from Crosswalk.com article, “Loving Your Man as God Loves You”)

“Great marriages are the result of backbreaking work! They don’t come easily. Two people must be skillful, strong & tough! Strength & toughness come from reciting over & over [something Sue & Jim, came up with]: ‘I’ll love you when the times are good or bad. I’ll cherish you even when I’m upset with you. I’ll honor you at all times. I will never be disloyal to you. And I mean this forever. So help me God.'” (Neil Clark Warren, from book, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life)

“Spouses do not actually ‘become one’ all at once at the altar. You’ll both continue to have opinions about everything –‘til death, or divorce, do you part. You must LEARN how to handle disagreements in a way that makes your marriage strong. Successful couples don’t have fewer disagreements; they just know how to handle them. Not knowing how to fight isn’t a character deficiency –it just means you didn’t learn how.” (Dr Romance, from Smartmarriages web site -Featured in Marriage Message #154)

Hug your spouse A LOT! “It appears that human contact through hugs lowers blood pressure & reduces stress, which cuts the risk of heart disease. Hugs have also been shown to improve overall mood, increase nerve activity, & a host of other beneficial effects. Positive physical touch has an immediate anti-stress effect, slowing breathing & heart rate.” Hugs are important so start “’embracing’ the idea & the practice!” (Sheila Wray Gregoire, from Tolovehonorandvacuum.com article, “What If You’re Not a Touchy Person?”)

“Marriage is not a sprint. It’s more like a marathon. Although you’ve got to have certain physical condition to run a sprint & a marathon, the mindset for the two races is completely different. Folks who treat marriage like a sprint will likely never be successfully married. On the other hand, folks who treat marriage like a marathon will prepare themselves for the tough stages, & likely finish well.” (Kevin B Bullard, from http://mymarriageworks.org)

“For couples it’s in the margins of life where you really enjoy each other. It’s easy to spend so much time working or arranging together, we can forget to look into each other’s eyes & remember why we do what we do & who we’re privileged to do it with. We have to remember the point of what we do is waiting after all that ‘doing’ is done. In the margin is where the cherishing of each other, is found.” (Rowan and Mara Fraser, from Couplethingsblog.wordpress.com article, “More Margin”)

“The tongue has the power of life & death, & those who love it will eat its fruit” -Prov. 18:21. “You can give your spouse life or you can kill them by the words you speak.” (Gary Chapman) May we always be able to say: “Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. My mouth speaks what is true… All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse.” -Prov. 8:6-8

“As important as good conflict resolution skills are, they’re not the cure-all for a failing marriage. Why? Because 69% of conflict in a marriage is ‘perpetual,’ meaning that it’s more a function of personality issues & competing needs than a specific problem. Couples need to negotiate those conflicts but, more importantly, they need to build friendship, foster intimacy, & discover shared meaning in their lives.” (Rebecca Hagelin, from Crosswalk.com article, “Stoke the Fires of Marital Optimism”)

“Love is a byproduct of our intimacy with God. As we imitate Jesus throughout our day, there’s this unexplainable surge of power & energy that enables us to love in ways we’re incapable of on our own.” (MDB) “When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love…” -Gal. 5:22. “As we know Jesus better, His divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.” -2 Peter 1:3 (Mike and Debbie Breaux, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“Take a vacation from blame, accusation, anger, & nagging her [him]. Or, if that’s too much, choose one of those things that you do too often, & choose to not do it, at all, for a week. At the end of the week, how do you feel? Did your life/marriage get better or worse? Is your bride [groom] any different?” -Paul Byerly “As God’s chosen people… clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility…” Col. 3:12

“Love is kind,” we’re told in the Bible, but there are different ways to be kind & generous to your spouse. One important way you may not have thought of: “It’s a very generous thing to have your paperwork in order, so that in the event of your death, your spouse will have an easier time of dealing with the inevitable onslaught of paperwork, decisions & new responsibilities. Be kind. Be prepared” (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com article, “Generous to the End”)

“My wife & I aren’t marriage experts. We aren’t even experts at doing the disability thing. But we know this: suffering can either drive people apart in a marriage, or it can bind them together. And just as God reveals tender, intimate things when we patiently hold fast to him thru our personal suffering, a marriage is tenderized when a couple patiently holds fast to God—& to each other—thru hardships.” -Ken Tada (From Kyria.com article, “In This Thing Together”)

“The family you came from is important, but it’s not as important as the family you’ll leave behind. Identify from your family of origin the barriers to communication & healthy conflict resolution. Gain the insights you can from the past, deal with the emotional pain of it, & then move on to developing new patterns that include confession & forgiveness of offenses & healing of hurts.” God can guide you in this. (Quote found in Marriage Message #157 – gleaned from Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg’s book, “Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage”)

“We live in a world where individual’s wants and needs take center stage. All of us are concerned about ‘me’ and ‘my rights’ or ‘what makes me happy.’ We must look out for ourselves. But if this tendency is not balanced with a desire to connect with others and serve them, than we become isolated and lonely. Happy lives and good marriages involve service and sacrifice.” (Marriage.com.au article, “Building Your Marriage With Service”)

Keep the health of your marriage relationship a priority. To do so, Jill Savage gives this advice: “We have to keep evaluating & changing our strategies for keeping our marriage a priority. As our life changes & our children grow older, we have to adjust. Investing in our marriage is hard work. It takes time, effort, & tenacity. Too often we want to say, ‘This just isn’t worth it.’ However, it’s ALWAYS worth it.”

“People say love is blind. We think it’s just the opposite. Love sees things no one else sees. It sees both the potential & the flaws in your spouse. But if you have God’s love, you love in spite of them. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Cor. 14: “Let love be your highest goal‘ & in Galatians 5:6, ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.'” Lets spend our life learning to love God & each other. (Mike & Debbie Breaux, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“Spend time asking God if you exhibit this grace and forgiveness toward your spouse. Ask him to help you exhibit those qualities in your life and marriage, remembering that God loved us so much, that even before we were born, and while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God carried a strong preemptive grace and forgiveness toward us. Should we not offer the same to our spouses?” -Michael Sytsma (From Kyria.com article, “Saving Grace”)

“Remember that one of the greatest thing you can do for your kids is to love each other well. Maintaining a happy, healthy marriage relationship will bring needed peace & stability to their lives & will provide a great example for them to follow later in life. Make loving your spouse a top priority. Your kids will thank you for it, & you will too!” -G & C Hoos “Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us” -Eph. 5:2 (Glen and Christie Hoos, from Growthtrac.com article, “Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase”)

“Marriages sometimes grow like Chinese Bamboo Trees. You try & try doing kindnesses, giving gifts, being gentle, sharing a joke, but sometimes it takes months, even years before you SEE the growth. …It takes maturity to be patient.” -M.F. “Love is patient, love is kind…” 1 Corinthians 13. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9 (Quote from Mort Fertel, from emailed message, “Your Marriage and the Miracle of the Chinese Bamboo Tree”)

“An interesting marriage exercise: Write down your most important values & the things you rank as the most important things to do in life. Next, write down how you allocate your time to these values & see if they correspond. It can be an eye opener to discover that we often devote great chunks of time doing things we don’t value yet resist a decent time allocation to things we do.” Keep in mind: “We can’t do it all.” (Marriage.com.au article, “If I Only Had Time,”)

“Learn how to thoroughly discuss issues. Before you begin, agree to take timeouts if things get nasty or either of you gets too flooded with emotion to think clearly. Take turns speaking & listening. Many times this is interpreted as taking turns ‘debating’ –big mistake. The emphasis needs to be on listening, not on winning. You must do all this without contempt, sarcasm, blaming or mind-reading. It takes practice.” (Dr Romance, from Smartmarriages.com, also Featured in MM #154)

Guard your heart! “It’s a deadly deception to believe the sinful thoughts we tuck away are innocent until we act upon them. Even if we only take them out when no one is looking, they’re dangerous. When unconfessed, these thoughts shape our lives, bear fruit, & eventually bring death.” (Jan Wilson) “After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; & sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” -James 1:15 (Quote from Kyria article, “Playing with Fire”)

“You can’t make [your spouse] change. But you can do things that force her [him] to react, & that usually means some sort of change. You can do things that encourage good change, do things that encourage bad change, or do things that discourage any change. Be wise, so that your words urge her [him] in the right direction.” -P.B. “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds” -Heb. 10:24. (Paul Byerly, from The-generous-husband.com article, “Her Change”)

“Why do we extend grace—especially over & over—to our spouse? It’s because God is a God of grace; he freely extends it to us. As God extends grace to us, we extend grace to our spouses. Our spouses aren’t perfect & neither are we. Grace allows us to have a great marriage anyway. And learning to extend that grace (which is neither ignoring faults nor demanding change) will make you a better, more Christlike person.” (Michael Sytsma, from Kyria.com article, “Saving Grace”)

“Agnes Repplier said, ‘We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.” We couldn’t agree more, & the implication of her statement is also true: The more you laugh together, the more you love your spouse. If you’re like most people, you can take life & yourself a little too seriously, & that always stunts laughter. So lighten up. Relax. Remember what really matters” -L&L Parrott. Find ways to LAUGH TOGETHER. (Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, from Focusonthefamily.com article, “Bringing Laughter into Your Marriage”)

“Every relationship has its emotional wounds & trauma experiences. Develop an attitude of resolving issues quickly. Try to learn the impact of the mistake, acknowledge the harm it causes, make amends if possible, ask for forgiveness & commit to preventing the hurt from occurring again. If you’re on the receiving end, be quick to forgive. To forgive is a choice. Trust will be earned through time & change in behavior.” (Val Farmer, from Marriage.com.au article, “Ten Ways to Have a Really Great Marriage”)

“Conflict gives couples a chance to clarify their thoughts & emotions. However, the process should be respectful & courteous. Conflict resolution involves good listening, communicating clearly & not interrupting each other. It especially means minimizing disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, selfish demands, defensiveness, blame, criticisms, contempt or stonewalling to avoid the issue.” -Val Farmer (From Marriage.com.au article, “Ten Ways to Have a Really Great Marriage”)

“It’s easy to be appreciative to occasional guests in your life who sweep in & do a random act of kindness. It’s harder with your spouse. But if your marriage is going to succeed long term, you have to express gratitude often & check-in with your spouse periodically to make sure they’re feeling appreciated. There’s no easy way to fill your marriage with appreciation. You have to make it a conscious discipline.” (Mort Fertel, from emailed message, “Do you take each other for granted?”)

Don’t neglect to: “Say encouraging words. It doesn’t take a lot of effort, but it reaps marvelous results. Ephesians 4:29 says ‘Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (NLT)’ Think in terms of ‘I’m only going to say it, if my spouse is encouraged by it.’ You’ll notice, within days, how your relationship improves.” (Cindi McMenamin, from Crosswalk.com article, “Five Goals for Growing Closer to Your Spouse in 2012)

“It’s hard to say ‘no’ to a crying baby, but as your children get a little older, don’t be afraid to tell them, ‘It’s Mommy & Daddy time right now.” It’s also important to set boundaries for yourselves. It’s too easy to give our best time & energy away to everyone & everything else, other than your spouse. Let the dishes sit in the sink for a few minutes, & carve out precious time to reconnect with one another.” (Glen and Christie Hoos, from Kyia.com article, “Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase”)

“Why make an effort to pray together when there are many obstacles? Because praying as a couple holds a storehouse of blessings for your marriage; in fact, it’s key to lifelong happiness together. Studies show that simply attending church or being a Christian doesn’t divorce-proof your marriage. But couples who regularly pray together report enjoying the most satisfying marriages of all—& the divorce rate plummets.” (Cheri Fuller, from Kyria.com article, “Talk to God Together”)

“People say love is blind. We think it’s just the opposite. Love sees things no one else sees. It sees both the potential & the flaws in your spouse. But if you have God’s love, you love in spite of them. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Cor. 14: “Let love be your highest goal‘ & in Galatians 5:6, ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.‘” Lets spend our life learning to love God & each other. (Mike & Debbie Breaux, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“The person who understands the evil in his own heart is the person who’s useful, fruitful & solid in his beliefs & obedience. Others delude themselves & thus upset families, & all other relationships. In self-pride & judgment of others, they show great inconsistency.” (John Owen) “The happiest husband lives with a double standard—he’s tough on himself & easy on his wife” -Gary Thomas. The reverse is true too. (Gary Thomas from Kyria.com article “Why You Need a Double Standard”)

“When pursuing a diploma or degree, we spend countless hours studying for courses that will be of little use to us once the tassel on our graduation cap has been moved from right to left. Yet, when we go into marriage, we somehow think we’re going to magically know what to do. We spend little time learning what makes marriages work. We think somehow love alone will be enough.” It isn’t! Be wise in studying marriage.” (Fawn Weaver, from Happywivesclub.com web site article, “Mastering Your Husband’s Love Language”) (Expanded quote: “When pursuing a high school diploma or college degree, we spend countless hours studying for required courses —calculus, chemistry, statistics —that will more often than not be of little use to us once the tassel on our graduation cap has been moved from right to left. Yet, when we go into marriage, we somehow think we’re going to magically and instantly know what to do. We spend little time learning what makes marriages work. We think somehow love alone will be enough. Love Alone is Not Enough.”)

Isaiah 35:3: “Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.” In your marriage: “This verse isn’t hard to understand how to apply – is your honey worn out? Find a way to tangibly come along side him or her to give encouragement and strength to them. Maybe it is some time away from the responsibilities of life, a shoulder rub, making and cleaning up dinner or just listening to them process life.” -April Motl (From Crosswalk.com article, “Making Your Marriage a Safe Place”)

“In frustration, people say the dumbest things. Even if you or your spouse didn’t mean to say it, once it’s said, the damage is done. It’s like tearing open a down-pillow in a windstorm. You want to get the feathers back, but they’re blowing in every direction. Like feathers of a pillow, hurtful words are irretrievable. That’s why it’s important for spouses to learn to control themselves & watch what they say.” (Mort Fertel, from emailed message, “How to talk so your spouse will listen”)

“Guard your thoughts. What are you feeding your mind with? Do you let TV, movies & gossip news form what you believe about marriage? Or are you purposeful in gaining a solid understanding of God’s design for marriage?” Watch what you feed your mind with: ‘Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure… if anything is excellent or praiseworthy –think about such things.‘ -Phil 4:8″ (Scott Means, from Surrendermarriage.org article, What Do You Think”)

“When our selfish nature makes either one of us [husband or wife] hard to live with, we find an answer in Ephesians 4:2-3: ‘Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.‘ That ‘bearing with one another’ is a nice way of saying, ‘Put up with him [her]; he [she] has to put up with you.'” (Margaret Brouillette, from Kyria.com article, “Doing Unto Others at Home”)

“If you’ve been in a relationship longer than 2 months, you know there are ‘hot spots’ that must be navigated around. These ‘hot spots,’ rather than something to be avoided, can be opportunities. While it’s tempting to ignore them, the wise couple leans into them, learning more about their mates & repairing underlying wounds. …Consider: Behind every spark there’s a fire that needs to be put out.” (Dr David Hawkins from Crosswalk.com article, “Where There’s a Spark There’s Fire Healing Marital Hot Spots”)

“Study your conflict patterns. Before a conflict arises be aware of situations that set you up for a clash. When are you most likely to disagree? What time of the day or what days of the week do most of your conflicts occur? What are your most frequent conflict issues? Since most conflicts tend to be around recurring issues, identifying the common “land mines” can help you avoid them or be prepared for them.” (Gary J. Oliver, from Kyria.com article” Healthy Conflict?”)

“Soften your ‘start up’: Arguments flare because a spouse escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical remark in a confrontational tone -Dr John Gottman. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” -Ephesians 4:29.

A “marriage sin that you should stop committing today: Spending none of your time with your spouse. But there’s work to be done, kids to take care of, home improvements to do, church obligations …and the list goes on and on. Yes, you have all of these things to do, but spending time with your spouse is just as important, and you don’t want to realize that after you’ve become two ships passing in the night.” (Aja Dorsey Jackson from Makingloveinthemicrowave.com article, “Five Marriage Sins You Should Stop Committing”)

“Touch is a powerful thing. Give physical touch often, outside the bedroom, with no expectations attached to it. Hug in the morning. Kiss good-bye & hello. Take your partner’s hand when you walk somewhere. Put your arm around the other. In moments when you sense tension in your spouse & you don’t know what to say, give a hug & express, ‘I don’t know what to say but I love you.’ Touch often.” (Gail Rodgers, from Growthtrac.com article, “You Can Have Straight A’s in Your Marriage”)

“It’s a tragedy to lose love in marriage. But the loss of human love can teach us to access a deeper love—the very love of God Himself. That love is patient & kind …it never fails (1 Cor. 13). When human love dies in a marriage, a couple can enter into an adventure: learning how to love each other with God’s love. Romans 5:5 tells us that this love ‘has been poured out within our hearts, through the Holy Spirit.‘” (Bill Elliff, gleaned from Familylife.com article, “8 Lies That Destroy Marriage”)

“A wrong start in marriage does not justify another wrong step.“ ‘And we know that God causes all things to work together for good,‘ says Romans 8:28, ‘to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.‘ God tells us not to be poured into the world’s mold. Instead we are to be transformed and that begins in our minds. God’s will for us is good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:1-2).” (Bill Elliff, gleaned from Familylife.com article, “8 Lies That Destroy Marriage”)

“We all have memories of the single dating scene –which helped us find that ‘one’ person. It was crucial in making one of the most important decisions in our lives. So why do majority of us fall into a rut after we say ‘I do’ & spend less quality one-on-one time with that Very Important Person? We need to make sure that we aren’t neglecting relationships… ESPECIALLY the relationship with our spouse!” (Wendy Jackman, from Simple Marriage.net article, “The Crazy Life as we Know It”)

“Connecting with your sweetie can be done in a considerate way. Call when you know he’s (she’s) on break & keep it brief. Texting & email are great, though it may not be totally private (so watch the sexy quotient). The same is true for notes tucked in with lunches. So, work on your timing. Be aware of privacy issues. Be romantic, when possible. Be generous!” (Lori, from The-generous-wife.com)

“Part of what keeps any marriage fresh and thriving is dreaming together. The key word here is ‘together!’ You may have a dream and your mate may have a dream, but what is your ‘together’ dream? Your together dream can have ‘his’ parts & ‘her’ parts, but keep in mind that the primary dream is a ‘together’ one. Care about one another’s dreams and work together to make your ‘together’ dreams a reality!” -P&D Six (From GTO email article, “Keep Dreaming Together”)

“Make a list of the imperfect qualities your spouse has that bother you. Once you complete the list burn it & work as hard as you can to overlook those imperfections. Do this by making a list of the positive qualities your spouse has. Don’t burn this list. Instead memorize it so when you find yourself dwelling on their imperfections begin reciting the positive list in your mind until the negative thought is gone.” (From article, “Why is Marriage so Hard Sometimes?” by The National Healthy Marriage Institute LLC)

“Stop talking down about marriage in public. Steering clear of the ‘my husband’s so dumb’ conversation has become almost a daily battle in my life, & I’m sure the ‘my wife is such a nag’ conversation isn’t necessarily scarce. Constantly saying something negative means that believing it isn’t typically too far behind, so when the bad-mouthing crew comes around, you don’t want to be a member of the crowd.” (Aja Dorsey Jackson from Makingloveinthemicrowave.com article, “Five Marriage Sins You Should Stop Committing”)

“Fighting endlessly with your spouse makes for long & unhappy days. Winning battles by pointing out your spouse’s weaknesses may bring temporary gratification, but ultimately, you’ll both lose the war & your children become the hostages. Instead, share where you’re weak & embrace & be grateful at how you can fill in the gaps with each others strengths. You’ll be surprised by the positive change in your relationship.” (Kim, from the Toodarnhappy.com article, “Love by the Book —8 Simple Ideas to Improve Your Marriage”)

HONOR MARRIAGE: “Honoring marriage means respecting it, guarding it, & correcting those who don’t show respect to it. This also means doing these things not for “marriage as an institution” but for married couples –being ready to pray for them, offer them help, & even get in their business if it’s clear they’re in trouble. How can you honor your marriage? How can you honor the marriages of others? STEP UP. PLEASE.” (Paul Byerly, from The-generous-husband.com article, Honor Marriage – Please!”)

“Running a marathon has some lessons for marriage. There will be times in marriage —when the only thing to do is to put one foot in front of the other. No matter how easy things are in the beginning, there are going to be difficult periods. But when those times come, if you keep going through the pain, you will drink deeply from the cup of satisfaction that only those who cross the finish line can know.” (Janice Shaw Crouse, from Townhall.com article, “Of Marathons and Marriage”)

A Portland, Oregon, couple married 17 years said: “Our marriage has survived losing a house, a church folding, a serious accident, owning a business & having 5 children! Our secret is maintaining a strong sense of togetherness. We do that by putting each other & our marriage ahead of the kids, house & work. We do a lot of just-the-two-of-us activities: getting away for an hour, a weekend or a week.” (Louise A. Ferrebee in Kyria.com article, “Put Your Money Where Your Spouse Is”)

“Couples in a growth-focused marriage identify problems but don’t dwell on them. They look beyond the solutions to how God might use this process to teach them more about Him and/or themselves, their partners, and their marriages. They understand problems are inevitable and the real challenge is in dealing with them in such a way that honors God and each other while helping the couple grow through it.” (Gary & Carrie Oliver from their Kyria.com article, “Ready, Set, Grow.”)

“If each of us assumes our spouse has it hard and that we miss the mark frequently —and act accordingly —we’ll find a mix that’s just about right. When we adopt this standard, we find that encouragement replaces accusation, appreciation replaces resentfulness and understanding replaces judgment. And isn’t that the type of marriage we’re all looking for?” (Gary Thomas from the Kyria.com article “Why You Need a Double Standard”)

“Focus on reality. Guess what? The grass is browner on the other side of the fence. The perfect spouse doesn’t exist —anywhere. So look for what you love and appreciate about the one you’ve chosen” -Michael Lace. “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” -Proverbs 5:15. (Michael Lace, from Kyria.com article, “Does Your Marriage Need a Tune-up?”)

“Common courtesy plays a big role in happy marriages. People who are permanently married are polite to one another. They don’t want to hurt one another’s feelings, and they don’t try to make the other one feel humiliated. People, who are married for life, are kind to one another” -Pat Love. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” -Ephesians 4:32

“Marriage grows you up. Living with another person forces you to grow up. And just when it seems your spouse is done growing you up, your kids take over. That’s a simple fact of marriage. Recognize this & harness the energy it creates.” -Corey “If you merely feel bad over being immature, you’ve missed the point” -C&C King. When you said your wedding vows, you stepped into the grown up world. Learn from God & grow up! (Corey’s quote from Simplemarriage.net article, “We Have Trouble Communicating”)

“For the next 21 days, write down 3 good things about your spouse &/or your marriage every day, & don’t repeat anything. Do it on paper, on your computer or phone, but do it every day & put them in the same place. The result? You’ll feel better about your spouse & your marriage & you’ll learn to see more of the positive in both.” -P.B. “If anything is excellent or praiseworthy —think on these things…” -Phil 4:8 (Paul Byerly, gleaned from The-generous-husband.com blog, “3 Things for 21 Days”)

“Regardless of whether you or your [spouse] is a messie or a neatnik, being organized can be a good & kind thing to learn for your spouse. It means that you spend less time looking for keys. You can find the electric bill, and more. I encourage you to brainstorm for ideas to make [your life and home] more functional & organized. It will save you (& your spouse) a bit of sanity & it’s the kind thing to do.” (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com article, “Order and Sanity”)

“Too often we enter conflict with the goal of winning & wanting above all else for our spouse to understand us. Instead, make your primary goal is to understand your spouse’s point of view. Ask clarifying questions that will help you see the issue thru his/her eyes, hear it with his/her ears, & feel it with his/her heart. Constructive conflict involves a commitment to stop, look, & listen, & then, maybe, to speak.” (Gary J. Oliver, from Kyria.com article” Healthy Conflict?”)

“Confronting is part of a healthy marriage. But confronting is about making the marriage stronger, not tearing down another person. It focuses 1st on God’s aim for marriage, which is an intimate connection. When you start despairing about your marriage, can you take that thought, hold it up to God & ask, ‘what’s your perspective? What are the promises you have given me?’ …Marriage success is a matter of faith.” (Sheila Wray Gregoire – gleaned from the Tolovehonorandvacuum.com article, “Marital Success is a Matter of Attitude”)

“Love isn’t demeaning. Love leads us to be honest, but gentle. Don’t use inflammatory words that will throw up a wall, such as You always & You never. Those are seldom true, & they damage a person’s emotional health. Demeaning words can squash love quickly & painfully—especially when they’re said in public. What’s more important, getting an insignificant fact straight, or honoring my spouse’s self-esteem?” (Mike and Debbie Breaux with Ginger Kolbaba, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“In meeting your spouse’s needs, you are not solely responsible for meeting every need they have. You aren’t their be all & end all. That job belongs to God. You are not their God. Neither are you their savior. That job belongs to Jesus. A [Christian] Marriage will be successful in the degree to which each person is 1st surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. He is our ultimate source.” -Surrenderedmarriage.org (Scott, from article, “His Needs, Her Needs, Your Needs”)

BE AWARE. “Good & evil both increase at compound interest.” (C.S. Lewis) “Even a trivial indulgence in lust or anger today represents the loss of territory in our hearts that the enemy can secure, giving an inroad to launch an attack against you —an attack that otherwise would have been impossible. Each misstep offers a stronger foothold for marshaling counteroffensives against you & against your marriage.” (Excerpt from Moments With You by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

Healthy Conflict Resolution Tip: “Define the One Issue. Make sure there is only one issue & that both of you are discussing that same issue. Sounds simple, right? But most couples don’t define their issues, so they end up arguing about different issues when they think they’re talking about the same thing” -Gary Oliver. “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” -Proverbs 18:2. (Gary J. Oliver, from Kyria.com article” Healthy Conflict?”)

Concerning Text Messaging your spouse: “Send your thoughts of love, admiration, and appreciation. Use text messaging as a form to send your positive thoughts and feelings towards your partner. Don’t try to resolve conflict over text messaging. If you and your partner have a history of unsuccessful text messaging during conflict, avoid using your cell phone and wait until you see each other.” -Jennine Estes

“When you speak to your partner, take the time to look into one another’s eyes. Look up from the TV or computer. Notice when your partner looks nice. Look at your partner with eyes that see & listen with ears that really hear. It may seem a small thing but it makes a big impact. Make eye contact when you say goodnight. Go to bed at the same time. That focus alone will bring great improvement to a marriage.” (Gail Rogers, from Growthtrac.com article, “You Can Have Straight A’s in Your Marriage”)

“The world will tell you that your perfect mate will meet your every need. God will tell you that He’s all you need & will show that He’s already met your needs in His Son Jesus. When we live in this truth, we’re free to love Jesus & everyone He puts in our path. We truly love because He first loved us. God sees your desires, efforts, pain & the struggles in your marriage. He wants to show you a better way. Ask him.” (Dineen from The Spiritually Unequal Marriage web site in the article, “And the Walls Came a-Tumbling Down”)

Jesus Christ “was raised from the dead so that we might experience new life. In Ephesians 1:18-19, Paul prays that the eyes of our hearts would be enlightened, that we would know the hope of His calling, and experience the ‘surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.’ The same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to us. It can make us new & resurrect any relationship that seems hopeless.” (Dave Boehi, gleaned from Familylife.com article, “Resurrected Lives & Resurrected Marriages”)

“Be gently inquisitive. Be an explorer, seeking to understand the mind of your mate. Ask why they see things the way they do, & seek to fully understand what they believe. This is very disarming & draws your mate closer to you. Seek & stretch yourself to find places of agreement. Look for common ground, rather than focusing on where you disagree. Shifting to the ‘common ground mindset’ brings you together.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from The Relationship Doctor’s 7/31/2011 emailed article, “Recovering From the Breakup, Makeup, Shakeup”)

“Everyday stresses wear down a marriage, like the forces of nature wear down your house over time. When building a house, many people try & save money on structural materials, making a poorly built house. Then they spend it foolishly on lavishly decorating the interior. It pays to invest in your marriage with solid structural elements, such as money-management techniques, marriage preparation & enrichment programs.” (Robert Ferguson, gleaned from the Fergusonvalues.com article, “How to Build Durability in to Your Marriage”)

“People sometimes feel the need to blow off steam about their marriage. On the plus side, it can yield new perspectives for solving a problem. At times, unloading on a friend or relative can prevent a problem from escalating. But venting also has a down side. It can diminish our motivation to solve the problem & it can be difficult to discern the fine line between ‘sharing’ & being disloyal to our mate.” Be cautious! (Janis Long Harris, from Kyria.com article, “Public Disclosure”)

Together: “Take time out for pleasure. We all need a break from emotional intensity. We must cultivate the ability to set issues aside. This goes against the grain of those who want to ‘hammer out issues.’ Unfortunately, when we ‘hammer issues’ someone usually gets hurt. Don’t be afraid to set topics aside to cool things down. Take a break to simply value the strengths that drew you to one another in the 1st place.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from The Relationship Doctor’s 7/31/2011 emailed article, “Recovering From the Breakup, Makeup, Shakeup”)

“If you feel the division of labor in your marriage is inequitable, discuss it with your spouse. But don’t do it when you’re tired & frazzled, or angry. Sometimes a person may not be aware that certain duties have fallen to his or her mate. Making assumptions about what others know, think or feel without asking is risky. Flexibility is important. Rules & “rights” should never be more important than people.” -A. Howe (Alicia Howe, from Kyria.com article, “Whatever Happened to the Full-Service Marriage?”)

Great advice to follow: “Couples in a growth focused marriage understand that as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), so one spouse sharpens another. Sponge doesn’t sharpen sponge. Nerf doesn’t sharpen Nerf. Iron sharpens iron. When they’re faced with painful or discouraging issues, they remind each other that the product (greater love & deeper intimacy) is worth the process (dealing with the issues).” (Gary & Carrie Oliver from their Kyria.com article, “Ready, Set, Grow.”)

“Through love serve one another” -Galatians 5:13. “Start with your spouse and move out from there. Where and how can I make time for my sweetie? [Ask God, if you don’t know.] If he (she) asks for my help, can I do that with a smile and an ‘of course.’ (I’m not talking total doormat here. I’m talking about taking on the attitude that ‘love serves’ & love gives” even when it is inconvenient.) -Lori Byerly (From The-generous-wife.com blog, “How Inconvenient”)

“When you said ‘I Do,’ you most likely had naive optimism. The wedding, the honeymoon, the 1st apartment –it all was so fun. But when reality came knocking on your door everything changed. Naive optimism suddenly switched to the dark side. It’s only genuine faith in God that is able to continue moving the marriage relationship forward. Let’s work together to keep our faith genuine & our growth in godliness maturing.” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “The Cynic Within”)

Look for ways to encourage & interact with your spouse in positive ways like you did when you were dating. Ask God to help you apply Philippians 4:8. Focus upon the good, finding ways to encourage your spouse. “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” -Philippians 4:8.

While resolving marital conflicts: “Ask yourself, ‘What’s my contribution to the problem?’ It took me years to learn this one. Like most people I found it easier to identify my wife’s contribution to the problem, how she needed to change, & what she could do different, rather than to identify my own stuff. Psalm 139:23 says, ‘Search me (not search my spouse), O God, & know my (not my spouse’s) heart‘” -Gary Oliver. (From Kyria.com article, “Healthy Conflict?”)

“When I was learning how to watch my tongue, I’d practice saying sentences that would help me in stressful moments. “Can we talk about this in a half hour or so? I’m really stressed; I need some time to calm down & gather my thoughts.” I also used, “I need to go for a walk.” This “be prepared” concept works. If you find yourself facing the same mess over & over, consider what you could [do or] say differently.” (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com blog, “Rehearse Your Responses”)

“Do you habitually say hello or good-bye to your mate as one of you enters or exits the home? It’s the least you can do to acknowledge that your mate’s presence means something to you. A simple hello says, ‘I’m happy to see you. I’m here for you.’ A sincere good-bye says, ‘I know you’re going out into the world now, & I care that you’re leaving. I’ll miss you.’ Make your mate your top priority.” (Laurie Puhn, from the Growthtrac.com article “Five Vital Marriage Habits”)

“If we’re struggling with love, sometimes it’s because we’re moving too fast. We’ve got places to go, things to do. But the faster we move, the less time we have even to notice our spouse let alone love him or her. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 14: ‘Let love be your highest goal.‘ IS it your highest goal? If love is the highest goal, we have to slow down.” If you’re too busy to show love, you’re too busy. (Mike and Debbie Breaux with Ginger Kolbaba, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“Our natural instinct is to assume the one in the mirror is okay & it’s the other person who needs change. This tendency colors even our pursuit of spiritual growth. Ironically, it was the unmarried Paul who offers a better way to pursue oneness in marriage. At the end of his life he gave him great advice. But perhaps his most powerful wisdom came from a simple statement: ‘I am the chief of sinners‘ (1 Tim. 1:15).” (Daniel Darling, from Kyria.com article, “The Danger of Marriage Books”)

“Love lesson: You can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving. ‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. You should not look to your own interest but also the interests of others‘ (Philippians 2:3-4). That’s a golden rule for marriage.” (Mike and Debbie Breaux with Ginger Kolbaba, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

Concerning who does what & who’s to blame for the marital tension dividing you: “Some of us keep score. But placing blame never results in marital intimacy. Instead of tallying up points, defuse the situation with these words: ‘You could be right,’ or if you dare, ‘You’re probably right.’ Get out the smelling salts if you utter, ‘You’re right.’ Even if he (she) was wrong, choose to forgive. Let grudges go.” (Melodee Helms, from Kyria.com article, “Silent Arguments”)

“Your marriage relationship is a model for your children’s future relationships—dating & marriage. Your sons are taking subconscious notes. They’re asking: What does it mean to be a husband? How should I treat women? Your daughters also have their eye on you. Giving themselves to a man in marriage can be a fearful thing. Your marriage is worth every ounce of effort you can put into it.” -Ken Canfield (From Fathers.com article, “Marital Interaction”)

“I encourage people not to act on impulse,” says Dr Carla Schemper. “If you’re struggling, it’s easy to think, ‘I have to talk to someone!’ & then blurt out your story without thinking thru the implications. A lot of people regret times they chose to talk about a certain crisis & then down the road wished they hadn’t.” Ask yourself, ‘Will there be damaging consequences I can never undo if I share this information?'” (Janis Long Harris, from Kyria.com article, “Public Disclosure”)

“2 Keys to unlock a better marriage: –Take on problems together as a team. Life is more difficult when you’re at odds with your spouse. When you approach difficulties from the same direction, you solve issues easier. —Talk, Plan, Dream & Pray about your future together. Having a long term vision for where you want to be, who you want to be & how you want to get there gives you goals to shoot for in your marriage.” (Stu Gray, from Stupendousmarriage.com article, “2 Keys to Unlocking a Better Marriage”)

“To affair proof your marriage, it’s important to draw a line & then stay a safe distance behind it. For each person the safety line will be different. Some people will not be able to take business trips or work late with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Others may not be able to meet a certain person for lunch or to workout at the gym. Whatever the situation, determine where you need to draw the line.” -G Smalley (Greg Smalley, from Growthtrac.com article, “The Secret to Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity)

Pray for your spouse. “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom & revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, & his incomparably great power for us who believe.” -Eph. 1:17-19

“Of all the things you remember about your wedding, do you remember what you committed to do for each other? Answer this: What do you believe you committed to the day you married? Can you write down the important parts, make bullet points or paragraphs? If not, can you make a list now? Write the things that are important to you & to your mate, & agree that these are the commitments you make to each other.” -Joe Beam (from MMI article, “Wedding Vows”)

“Don’t wait until you get into a dramatic situation before you cement your promise to care for one another through any circumstance. If you don’t prepare for it today by submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ over your life & clinging to God’s blueprints, you’ll be unprepared when —not if —your crisis comes. Look each other in the eye & recommit yourself to a ‘or better or for worse’ promise.” (Excerpted from book, “Moments With You” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

“I have a friend in a bad marriage… he started practicing “5 for 5.” He walks in the house after work, moves within 5 feet of his wife, asks her about her day & listens for 5 minutes. Though a small start, it has now grown to 30 minutes a day. Their relationship has reversed course. I’m convinced you can do almost anything if you’re willing to clarify your goals & make the investment over time to achieve them.” (Michael Hyatt, from Michaelhyatt.com article, “The Power of Incremental Change”)

“Love is more a decision than it is an emotion. This decision is what’s at the heart of marriage. When we marry, we’re making a deliberate decision to not just love our spouse when positive emotions run high, but also when times become tough. Marriage, at its core, is a future-based commitment. People fall in love for all kinds of reasons –but we remain in love because of daily & deliberate decisions to do so.” (Jim Daly, from Crosswalk.com article, “Can You Imagine Forgetting Your Spouse?”)

“One of the best things a father can do for his kids is love their mother & build a strong marriage. The effort you put into your marriage is worth it to your children. A strong marriage breeds security. A child with 2 parents who are still in love—& show it—doesn’t need to fear that the foundation of her life is going to shake & buckle & split apart. Your marriage is worth every ounce of effort you put into it.” (Ken Canfield, from Fathers.com article, “Marital Interaction”)

“Do you make it a habit to end your day with the loving words ‘good night’? What’s the big deal? It’s a very big deal. When you don’t bother to say ‘good night,’ you give the impression that you couldn’t care less about your partner or the relationship. Establish a meaningful nighttime ritual as your final loving connection of the day —even if it’s just a quick kiss accompanied by the words ‘good night.'” (Laurie Puhn, from the Growthtrac.com article “Five Vital Marriage Habits”)

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, & live a life of love, just as Christ loved us & gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering & sacrifice to God” (Eph. 5:1-2). “When others observe that marriage is a wonderful, God-ordained union that reveals a part of His nature, they, too, may embrace God’s plan for marriage despite the negative impressions they’ve heard & the culture of divorce.” –SGM (Susan Graham Mathis, from Focus on the Family –Canada article, “Marriage on Display”)

“Secrets of Marriage: -It helps tremendously if you can laugh at yourself. -Women really enjoy flowers & chocolates. -Laughter really does cure a lot. -The same result does occur if you keep doing the same thing. -Worries can be self-fulfilling prophesies. Let them go. -Expectations are planned disappointments. -It’s easy to be infected by your spouse’s mood, but you can only change yours.” -From: Simplemarriage.net

“Be a life-giver when it comes to how you speak to your spouse: Be Consistent – Do your best not to give mixed messages. Remember that it takes seven positive statements to every negative one just to stay even. And be Constant – Develop life-word habits. Commit to complimenting your spouse every day, but be genuine. And never get beyond confessing your love out loud to one another.” -Scott, Surrenderedmarriage.org (From the article, “Power of Your Words)

“A great date helps to revive the spark that initially ignited your fire. It fosters meaningful conversations & develops mutual interests & goals that aren’t focused on careers or children. A great date involves doing something together with the opportunity to talk at the same time. Your marriage won’t wait until your kids grow up. Grab some time to date your mate. Now is the time to make your marriage great!” -Arp (David and Claudia Arp, from Fathers.com article, “Great Dates Even for Busy Parents”)

“Servanthood is not a matter of ‘fairness.’ Our society has talked so long & so extensively about gender equality & individual rights, it’s no wonder the idea of servanthood has fallen out of favor. Yet we know that God calls us to demonstrate servanthood both in our relationship with him & in our relationships with others. That’s why I’ll keep asking my spouse one simple question: “What can I do to help?” (Alicia Howe, from Kyria.com article, “Whatever Happened to the Full-Service Marriage?”)

In marriage, REMEMBER: “You’re on the same team. There may be times when you want to retreat, spend time doing something alone, get your thoughts together before you discuss something, say to your spouse ‘I need a few minutes.’ And that can be alright for a time. But the key is to not stay in that place of retreat. Come back together. Make discussing your thoughts, compromising, & working through issues a priority!” (From Marriagelifeministries.org MT Project: We Are Life Partners -Posted by admin under Truth)

“Learn to exit or repair an argument before it gets out of control. Use humor. Also, make it clear you’re on common ground (‘this is our problem’)” -Dr John Gottman. “Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate & humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” -1 Peter 3:8-9.

“Husbands, don’t limit your expression of love by just saying you are willing to die for your wife. Most every red-blooded man has said he would take a bullet for his mate (besides, Christ already died for her). Instead, take on the daunting task of being a living testimony for your wife. Show sacrificial love through action rather than clichéd responses.” (See: Ephesians 5:25-33) (Jerry M Sinclair -a friend of the ministry)

“Your spouse deserves your best efforts at loving and giving. I encourage you to take lessons that you’re learning and apply them 1st to your sweetie. Is God talking to you about patience? Be patient. Are you feeling convicted about your tongue? Be careful to speak respectfully and truthfully to your husband/wife. Let your spouse be your safe training ground and the beneficiary of your efforts.” -Lori Byerly

Here’s a money management tip from financial expert Steve Bell: “Give each other some financial freedom. Each spouse should have some money they can spend how they want to. Jude & I have separate clothing budgets. As long as we stick to the agreed upon amounts, we have some freedom in how we spend that money. Other couples call these separate budgeted amounts ‘fun money.’ It’s for lunches with friends or hobbies.” (From Crosswalk.com article, “Two Steps for Better Money Management in Marriage”)

“Learn to communicate your needs, concerns & frustrations in healthy ways. A helpful tool is what’s called speaking in the here & now. We tend during our spats to use phrases like you always or you never or attempt name-calling or comparisons to others to get our way. Each of those methods goes beyond the current problem & actually speaks unfairly about the other person’s character, before, now & in the future.” (Gary Sinclair, from Safeathomeblogspot.com article, “Fighting the Good Fight in Your Marriage”)

“In EVERY argument & crisis, you have a part to play. Perhaps you’re in the wrong, or maybe you were technically “right” but standing up for your ‘rights’ made something go wrong in the relationship. Whatever the case –you had a part to play. The road to healing begins with admitting that. So choose to own it. Do it deeply & sincerely with no ‘but you shouldn’t have…’ attached. It only takes one to initiate change.” (FromCouplethingsblog.wordpress.com article, “Relationship Trouble-Shooting – Part 1”)

“Purpose to only say positive things about him/her to others. Women need to talk everything out, but I have yet to come away from a husband bashing session feeling encouraged. Of course your spouse has & will mess up, but spreading their failures & shortcomings will definitely not build them up or strengthen your marriage. Surround yourselves with like minded people!” –L. Graf -Theromanticvineyard.com (Lisa Graf from article, “A Double Post of Encouragement”)

A bonding bio-chemical, Oxytocin, is released when you bond with your spouse, so: “Catch romance where you can. You can build romance at unexpected times —during your daily commute, while doing laundry —you can even do this through a long, lingering kiss or just holding hands. In other words, the next time you’ve got a couple of minutes to yourselves, make use of it —give that Oxytocin a boost.” -Simplemarriage.net

“People say love is blind. It’s just the opposite. Love sees things no one else sees. It sees both the potential & the flaws in your spouse. But if you have God’s love, you love in spite of them. Jesus said in essence, ‘do you want to know what life is about? Love God; love people.’ That’s what marriage is about. The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 14: ‘Let love be your highest goal.‘” IS it your highest goal? (Mike and Debbie Breaux with Ginger Kolbaba, from Kyria.com article, “The Real Thing”)

“Marriage is what we make of it. Our thoughts and words dictate so much of our life, (“As a man thinketh…“), and when we know that and begin to speak positive words about our marriage, life and spouse, we find that what we have spoken turns out to be exactly what we have lived. Our words and thoughts have more power than we give credit.” -Fawn, from Happywivesclub.com (Article titled, Poem Written to My Husband”)

“If a married couple with children has fifteen minutes of uninterrupted, non-logistical, non-problem-solving talk every day, I would put them in the top 5% of all married couples. It’s an extraordinary achievement.” -Bill Doherty. Don’t forget to connect with your spouse – the one human you have vowed to be closest to. Be intentional.

“Ask your spouse if they sense anything is missing from your relationship. Just because you don’t think there is doesn’t mean your spouse hasn’t come to a different conclusion. You want to be on the same page when it comes to assessing the condition of your marriage. Better to know now, than to be surprised at how far you’ve grown apart in years to come… If there’s something missing, then there’s work to be done.” (Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “Lost”)

“All couples have spats. The common denominator for couples that keep their marriage on track is learning how to disagree with the best of them. Stop using divorce as a weapon. Instead of giving up on the marriage when the going gets tough, consider it a challenge to learn as much as you can about your mate & how you can effectively deal with adversity. Make an intentional decision to love the one you’re with.” (Julie Baumgardner, from Marriagemissions.com article, “Marriage Message #199 – Till Death Do Us Part.”)

“Be friends. Build an ongoing friendship with your spouse. Play together. Work together. Laugh together. Make time for each other & share your life. Problems are easier to deal with when you’re friends. It’s easier to give & receive forgiveness from someone that you believe has your back. Make sure that your spouse is a friend. Grow together so that you stay together” -LB. “A friend loves at all times” -Prov. 17:17 (Lori Byerly, gleaned from The-generous-wife.com article, “My Favorite Marriage Tip”)

“What is in your heart towards your spouse? What are you focusing on? Are you looking for how your spouse might be doing the wrong thing? Then that’s all you’ll find. Or are you looking for how they might be doing the right thing? Believe the best. Attitude is everything. You can apply every great relationship technique in the world, but if your attitude is not sincere it’s not going to work.” (Anne Bercht, from the Beyondaffairs.com article, “Going from Argument to Harmony”)

“Have a time that you pray with or for each other. It’s this simple –prayer matters. God is in the business of giving strength, healing and providing wisdom. But even beyond the spiritual benefits, praying for each other deepens your care and trust for each other in ways beyond what you can imagine. And I’ve never heard of couples fighting during prayer!” -Gary Sinclair from: Safeathomeblog.blogspot.com (Safeathomeblog.blogspot.com article, “Safe at Home: Great Habits Make Great Marriages”)

“Keep passion alive in your marriage. Every new day that God gives you & your spouse, pursue each other like you did when you were dating, seeking to learn something new about each other. Nurture the passion & deepen the intimacy between you. Don’t keep sins or secrets from each other; confess them to each other & pray for each other regularly. Learn how to pray together, listen carefully to each other & to God.” (Craig Groeschel, from book, “Love, Sex and Happily Ever After”)

“It doesn’t take much to make us angry & create emotional distance from each other. When you find yourself tempted to square off against each other, retreating to your corners & refusing to give in, remember that Jesus could have given us the cold shoulder. He could have taken one look at our many, many sins & shortcomings and never sought to draw us out. May His reaching, redemptive love be our model and motivator.” (Excerpted from the book, “Moments With You” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

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