God works in mysterious ways! He does the opposite of what we want. And yet as we yield to His ways, He turns that situation around to help us to line up with His will. And we’ll eventually even be happy about it! This includes being the First Lady in Church —the Pastor’s wife. He truly IS a miracle worker!
First Lady in Church
Being or becoming a pastor’s wife is one of those situations in which we can see Him work in miraculous ways. That is, if we truly seek His will, His heart, and His plan for our lives. It may even be rocky at times, but if we follow God’s will, the journey can be amazing.
“This first lady in her church readily admits that her initial years as first lady of the church she founded with her husband, Tony Evans, were two of the most difficult seasons she’s live through. To Lois Evans, the senior Pastor’s wife was a very isolated, much unappreciated role. It was a stifling position that a loving supportive wife accepted as her lot. She accepted it even as she mourned the slow death of her own gifts and talents.”
It was something she never wanted for her life and she told the Lord just that!
“At the age of 15 she told the Lord her heart was open to do whatever He wanted her to do —except be a pastor’s wife.”
God Had Different Plans
And yet, that’s exactly what happened! She eventually became a senior pastor’s wife. This happened even though her husband Tony, had told her at the beginning or their lives together that he wasn’t interested in being a pastor.
But through a turn of events, the Lord helped her to do what she needed to do through those first years. God then brought her to a time in life where she was able to bloom where she was planted. She now rejoices in this position.
To read more, please click onto the Charismamag.org web site link below:
In Addition:
We found an article written by Dr Gary Chapman that can be helpful for those of you who are married to a minister. In this article, Gary gives “7 things minister’s wives must know to truly love their husbands.” Please click onto the Crosswalk.com web site link below to read:
• Gary Chapman Shares WAYS MINISTERS’ WIVES CAN ‘LOVE A LEADER’
Also, focusing on the Book of Galatians, author and speaker Beth Moore, lays out “six pairs of what she called ‘aggravators’ and their ‘alternatives’ associated with being the wife of a minister in today’s church.” To read this Baptist Press article, please click onto the web site link below:
Are you facing expectations that overwhelm you as a pastor’s wife? Most assuredly you do! Here’s a tip that may help you from Grace Clausing:
“It’s easy for wives to fall into the trap of feeling that they must meet and exceed certain expectations from church members. Amy Goen’s husband, Kyle, has been in the ministry for 17 years. He serves as the executive pastor at First Baptist Church in Smyrna, Tennessee. Dealing with church expectations, Goen encourages wives to be themselves. ‘Early on in ministry, I had some great mentors who encouraged me to just be who I was and not try to conform to someone’s expectations. Focus on what God expects,’ Goen says. Don’t be afraid to show the real you to the congregation, complete with flaws. It shows that you’re human and someone they can relate to.”
Do you want more tips? Read:
• ADVICE FOR MINISTERS’ WIFE FROM A MINISTERS’ WIFE
Lastly, Concerning Being a First Lady in Church:
And then there is an article edited by Whitney Hopler. It is one that can help you to find the “freedom and joy God wants you to have as a Pastor’s wife.” Please click onto the following Crosswalk.com web site link to read:
• PASTOR’S WIVES: ENJOY YOUR LIVES
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Pastors and Missionary Marriages
(USA) Thanks for sharing. I am struggling with accepting this role. My experience with 1st ladies I’ve encounted has not been positive. My husband is called to pastor and I’m the hinderance for getting it started. Can you help me? I know that God does not makes mistakes. I don’t feel qualified for such a position and don’t want to hurt anyone.
Also, I’ve learned to be a loner and like it that way. In the position I will have to deal with others. At the present I’m not sure how well I will do with that. Thanks
(USA) Hi Penny and J, How I hope I can convey what God has put into my heart for you and that it will help in some way. I can well understand your struggle, because I’ve been there and have done that — it’s not that I’m a pastor’s wife, but my husband has been in full time ministry for over 30 years. As a result, there are many situations I’ve been put into that I didn’t feel adequate at all to do.
But what I’ve learned through the years is that God does not call our husbands into something that He will not also call us into as well, in some supportive capacity (and visa versa). It would be against God’s nature to split a marriage like this where the husband is called to be a pastor but the wife is not called to be a pastor’s wife.
It may not be our “comfort zone” to do what He’s called us to do, but isn’t that like God? He stretches us beyond ourselves. And God may be stretching you to the point where it hurts. But trust Him — He knows what He is doing.
I remember years ago, “struggling” with many issues that involved being in the “spotlight” because of my husband’s position. And then I heard Elisabeth Elliot say that when you struggle with something, it is usually because of delayed obedience. I knew she was right. I was not looking through God’s perspective on these things. I needed to surrender and say “Here am I Lord, send me.” “I may not speak so good, but I’m willing all the same.”
I’ve always been a quieter person, not liking to be out in front for all to see (and many to judge). But I realized that God was asking for my obedience and my trust that He would help me in the ways I needed it. He was asking me to participate with Him and trust Him for His empowerment when He called me to do something that I felt inadequate to do. My calling as my husband’s support partner is every bit as vital as his calling is as well. And I’ve come to know that God and I can do this together as long as I focus on what GOD can do and not on what I don’t think I can do.
As a result, I’ve had some amazing experiences and have watched what God has done through me (and sometimes in spite of me). I’d have missed all of that if I would have kept my eyes on my inadequacies instead of God’s amazing power.
Please don’t keep embracing what you think a pastor’s wife should be. You limit the ways that God wants to use YOU. I’ve seen pastor’s wives that do almost everything positive in the church that you can imagine a pastor’s wife could do. I’ve seen pastor’s wives who are quieter supports and have been a huge blessing as well in the ways that they allowed God to use them. And I’ve seen pastor’s wives who are “feisty” and fun and do God’s work in a totally different way. And they’ve all done just fine — better than fine, because they never denied God anything and God has used them in amazing and different ways.
Penny, you may like being a “loner” (I do too) but it could be that just like Moses, He doesn’t want you to spend all of your life that way. Life isn’t about making our lives work for us, but to join Him in Kingdom work — in whatever way He knows is best. He may want to stretch you, and yet you’re struggling. I’m not saying that God is going to have you in a highly visible leadership capacity, but who knows? God does. Seek His heart on this.
He may not have you “deal with others” to the degree that you think you might have to, but I can assure you that if you do, and you seek God’s heart and His ways, you’ll do just fine.
Not all “1st ladies” are good ones — but maybe it’s because they’ve taken their focus off of God and onto themselves and others. (We see that certain Pharisees and religious leaders in the Bible did that and Jesus criticized them for it.) Keep your focus on Christ and you will do fine in whatever way He calls you. I hope you will.
If you need extra insights and help with this journey God is taking you on, go into the “Links” part of this section of the web site and visit the various web site links we provide — contacting those that you believe will best help you. Again, I hope you will. As they say, “Go with God, girl!”
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
(USA) I have always thought and believe that I was going to be a pastors wife someday. Yesterday, I was sitting down having lunch with my boyfriend (my soulmate) and we were talking about how people love their titles (dr., pastor, bishop, etc) and I said when I become first lady outside of church I don’t want to be called that my name Lue will be just fine.
Unknowing to me he is going to a seminar this week for pastors. After he told me we laughed about it cause he thinks that I would be a great 1st lady and I said I don’t know. I’m shy, quiet and a loner so to take a role like that would really be out of my comfort zone. But I believe and trust in God and know that he makes no mistakes. Whatever my role with my soon to be husband is, I submit to you Lord.
(U.S.) I Penny, Please read my post to Cindy. I tell people all the time that I love people, but I can do with them or do without them; far as “dealing with them”.
I was recently told that my (future) husband is a Pastor, and it remains to be seen what happens. I say to myself that God would not do this to me if HE didn’t think I could handle it.
(UNITED STATES) I am a pastor’s wife for 7 years, and I have lots of questions. One is should a pastor wife be a member of the church her husband is pastoring?
(UNITED STATES) I think the wife should be a member of the same church, yes.
(USA) Yes, you should be a member of your husband’s church, because his members will feel if you don’t want to follow him and be a member why should we? You know him better then we do.
(DENVER) I think as the first Lady, the first job you have is supporting your husband, so I think the answer should be yes.
(DENVER) I am a pastor’s wife for 2 years and I want to get another opinion on what is the role of the first lady within the Church?
Patra, As you pray, what is the Lord revealing to you? Keep seeking His heart and the mission He has specifically for you in this. He will tell you. Don’t look at the mission of other Pastor’s wives –that your mission must be the same. It may have some similarities, or maybe not. God has a plan particularly for YOU. He will show you what role you are to play as a Pastor’s wife, and also as a woman of God who is married to a Pastor. But He has a specific mission for you. And keep in mind that your role may change during different seasons of your life. It’s important to keep seeking Him and your relationship with Him and beyond that, He will show you.
That is a very important point you highlighted that we all individually, irrespective of the title, hold or where we are placed in the house of the Lord its of utmost importance that. “We love the giver, more than the gift” because as young women we start to enjoy the luxuries that come with being a first lady forgetting that we are placed on earth to do the will of the father. God has many things that he would like us to achieve in order to bring back the children from the wilderness.
I feel as a “first lady” understand that your role is to be a woman of prayer with GOD to help you deal with all that comes your way. As a first lady your major role is to be a mother to the children that GOD has brought to his house and you must have a heart of compassion. You need to be supportive. If you feel that it’s all too much you can always then find a woman of GOD far away from town who can be your mentor and your heart so that you can always have clear thoughts of what to do in situations where you feel your hands are tied. Pray to God and ask him for someone you can relieve your stress to, or the BEST OPTION OF ALL IS THE TALK TO GOD. HE KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU.
BE A MOTHER
BE DAUGHTER
BE STRONG AND POWERFUL IN PRAYER
BE A HUMAN BEING BUT NEVER CHANGE
NEVER EVER EVER STOP BEING YOUR HUSBANDS FRIEND AND NUMBER SUPPORTER.
(USA) Hi im writing a book and I was wondering if you can tell me all the positions that are in the church and what are their roles. Like the first lady, the deacons and so on. I would really appreciate it.
(USA) My fiance is a pastor. He is currently attending seminary and is not leading a church at this time since we have relocated. I am also called to preach and teach (I was an associate minister at a church before we met). Sometimes, I feel as if I am not giving my dreams enough attention because he requires and relies on so much support from me (I love him so I am ok with supporting him).
We both know that God is calling us to start a new church together. Before we met, God revealed this to me. However, at the time I didn’t know my fiance was a part of the vision. I love him and embrace my role as first lady- I just often wonder how my calling as a minister and wife will be balanced. Any advice?
Hi Jannie, How I love your heart and your vision and the grace you are giving your fiance! From the little I can tell from your comment, I believe that he will be a blessed man if you marry him. I also sense in my spirit that you will be blessed as well in marrying him, IF you are both the types of marital partners that each of you need. You may each have great hearts and be loving people, but that does not mean that you would be good for each other, to marry.
Before you commit yourselves further in your relationship, I encourage you to do a few things. The first, of course, is to pray with and for each other. I can’t imagine that you aren’t doing that, but I need to say that in case you are both finding yourselves so busy that you have neglected this part of your relationship with each other and with God corporately.
And then carve out some time (probably several blocks of time) to truly talk to each other about your future together. It’s great to dream together (it’s one of the things that becomes a “lost art” for those who are married — one of the reasons they lose their zest in being a couple together who have, show and give love to each other in big and small ways). But you and your fiance also need to talk more about specifics. What does he see as his role in starting a church? What are some of the specifics that he sees as his role in what he believes God is calling him to do? What do you see as your role in starting a church? What are some of the specifics you see as your role in what you believe God is calling you to do? How do your roles overlap (which can be good), but also what are each of you willing to do to help the other live out the vision God has given you? Be specific, here.
You’ve already expressed that you feel that you are not giving your “dreams enough attention.” Talk about that. Don’t let that slide. It’s good to be brave at times, but sometimes we are braver than what our relationship needs to survive and thrive. See what each of you can bring to the table so that you will be able to give attention to the calling that God has given you. Remember, you will be a marital team. Practice on the areas that you can do this right now. Sometimes the roles will tip a bit where one will be doing more of the “heavy lifting” in the relationship, than the other, but eventually, the other will do his or her part in some way to “even” things out a bit so the other feels fulfilled too. The “scales” will never be equal, but it’s important that you both experience fulfillment in the place in which you are at the moment.
Talk about having children and the responsibilities this will bring — particularly in how it will divide the time you will have available for ministry work. Read 1 Corinthians 7 together — particularly as it pertains to verses 25-35. How will EACH of you make sure that you don’t neglect each other and the responsibility you will have to tend to the “concerns” of your marriage partner when ministry responsibilities and opportunities come up. Your time will no longer be “your own” to go about the Lord’s work. As we’re told in 1 Corinthians 7, your time will be divided — and this will be especially true when and if children come along. What boundaries will you put into place to protect your marriage, your family life, and also still be able to tend to the concerns of the church you will be shepherding?
You may need to renegotiate those boundaries as new things pop into your lives, but the point is that you need to start somewhere. You had best not neglect your marriage to the point where one, or both of you, is feeling alone and abandoned. And that happens. It happens quite often. And if it’s not dealt with properly, your relationship will grow to be unhealthy and will pull you into a bad place as you go to minister to others. It’s better NOT to marry, than to marry and hurt each other because you didn’t have it within you to be the marriage partner that the other needs. Marriage is a living picture of Christ’s love for the church, so God expects us to take care of this picture, or don’t take it on at all.
Too many couples neglect this aspect of marriage and ministry. They don’t talk BEFOREHAND to make sure you are each on the same page on the important matters of marriage. And then they stop talking with each other, and settle for talking AT each other, after the wedding and allow life to slide them away apart and away from the calling that God has given them.
I encourage you Jannie, to be very intentional in pursuing this. NOW is the time to talk, and if God leads you to progress in your relationship, do what it takes to make sure that you keep talking and dreaming and making goals together — helping each other live out your God-given potential.
(U.S.) Hi Cindy, I enjoyed reading your message. I “discovered” & wrote this website down, and hope you will get back with me. But, I am interested in knowing how I can truly, truly prepare myself for my mate God has promised me.
Recently (and in the past, spoken & in dreams) I’ve had a preacher who doesn’t know me from Eve, spoke to me and told me God said my husband is a Pastor. I will see him at a church I will be visiting, and he will know me when he sees me. I am a little excited, and I hear all the time that the role of a Pastor’s wife isn’t easy, by no-means. But, what are some things I can do to prepare, other than seek The Lord about it all? All comments are welcome :-)
Hi Jacki, In answering your question, all I can say is that if God did indeed “promise” you a certain mate, then He will teach you how to be a good wife to him. The best way you can prepare for whatever calling God gives you, is to be a student of God’s… learn to be “content in every circumstance” — whether it’s one you like or understand or what, and whether it’s in the timing you think it should happen or not. Remember, He tells us that His “ways” are not our “ways.” You may be 70 or 80 (or 110) when you marry this man, if this is truly God’s promise to you. There are all sorts of adversities you will experience, if God is going to use you in this way. Ask any Pastor’s wife.
I’m reminded of something that I wrote in the back of my Bible from notes I took on a sermon I heard a number of years ago from Pastor Scott Engleman. It has stuck with me all these years as being a profound truth that needs to be noted and always remembered. He said, “The point of life is not to focus on the blessings of life, but to be a part of God’s bigger story. Think of Mary (the mother of Jesus) and how she suffered so much more when she said ‘yes’ to God than she had ever suffered before. But God used her life in immeasurable ways for the good of more people than we could ever imagine.” How could she have prepared for and then endured the absolute heart-ache she would encounter and the adversity, if she had not totally given every fiber of her being to serve God, no matter what came her way?
If God did give you this promise ahead of time (which I’m not entirely sure He did… just because you have dreams and such and even a word of knowledge from a preacher, it doesn’t mean that these are promises… there are a lot of other things they could be, as well… I’ve seen this to be true… so I caution you on this matter), but IF He did, He’s not going to leave you high and dry. As you lean into Him, and not “unto your own understanding” you will do well. If you are willing to sacrifice beyond whatever you thought you would have to, and God brings these circumstances about that require your sacrifice, you will do well as you surrender to His will. Center your attention upon the Lord… learn from Him. Study God’s word continually so you are prepared for all that can occur, when temptation and spiritual warfare attack you — which they will. Live as a woman after God’s own heart, and then you will be unswervingly solid IF you marry a pastor and WHEN the enemy of our faith attacks you (which is something you can count on).
Consider something that Bible teacher Beth Moore said, “We will lose our strength when we wait upon the event, but our strength will be renewed when we wait upon the Lord.” If this is a waiting room time for you, embrace Christ, your Bridegroom first –learn all you can from Him and from our Heavenly Father, with the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor as your Guide. Don’t look so much for the “event” but rather for the Lord to guide you each day in that which He wants to teach you … abide in Him.
(USA) Wow. All of my life I seem to have been searching for that special task that I will hold in in the church. For so long, I have run from GOD and the things that he has revealed to me.
Once when I was in my earlier 20’s and in an abusive relationship, my mother whom I fought with constantly because of the relationship, told me on the way to church one Sunday morning something that has never left me some 10 years later. She said, “God is waiting on you to get your act together, so HE can send you the right man.”
About 2 years ago when I was deathly ill lying on what should have been my death bed, my best friend’s co-worker whom I had never met, encircled my bed with some of her other co-workers, a nurse, my mom and prayed an atomic prayer. Then she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “you will lead God’s young women in a mighty way. I know that HE has called you to be an Evangelist.” Through all of the pain and morphine, I cried like I had never cried before, because I had never shared this with anyone, although I knew it was true because the Lord had spoken this to me some years before.
Yesterday, I was in the restroom at church, that I have only been attending for 10 months, with my 2 year-old daughter, and the minister of music walked by and looked at me and with such a bright expression on her face said, ” You look like a first lady, (chuckle, chuckle) and walked away saying, “Yep, I believe you are going to marry a pastor!”
What is crazy, is that every, EVERY time someone prophesies something into my life, GOD says it and shows it to me first. Loud and clear, never any room for guessing, I know what it is right away… and I right I way I begin to bargain with God, how I may not be the best person for the job.
For years even until this day, I have sought out the friendships and relationships of men, trying to avoid my certain task. I did not think that GOD could use me to be anything of special character. I’m a single mother of one and have not had the best track record with men. I’m in school now to become a doctor and have chosen a career over ever trying to have a successful relationship.
Just the other day my mom brought back up to me the conversation we had over 10 years ago, and chills ran through me. I have for so long been so terrified because how in Heaven’s name could GOD have the audacity to call someone like me! But HE has, HE did and HE still is.
My first lady broke this down for me, how can imperfect people learn from someone unlike themselves? In other words GOD wants people just like me. So I began to meditate on these things that people have prophesied over my life and am learning to be the woman who GOD has called me to be.
Just the other day GOD said to me as clear as a bell just as if HE were buckled in the frontseat on the passenger’s side right beside me, “Begin to walk in a spirit of EXCELLENCE. When you walk in a room be a woman of Awesomeness and let them know that I am GOD and that I have called on you for a most prestigious task. You are the right and ONLY person for this job… wait on ME, and these things shall come to pass.”
(USA) My comment is to Stephanie… Chills ran down my spine when I read your testimony. So much of it, has been mine. One of my best friend said to me years ago, “Les, God gave me a message to give to you. He said “tell Leslie I have my hands on her, I’m just waiting on her.” We didn’t know what it meant, and I asked her over and over, was she certain. She was very certain on what she heard on that night as she lay in the bed in total silence.
That was well over 8 years ago… I am a playwright. Have produced spiritual/inspirational plays about women of the Bible and the issues that Christian womem deal with. I believe my calling lies in my passion of the dramatic arts (acting, directing and playwriting). It seems when I visit other churches, I always get called out by a Prophet or someone who possesses the gift. I was once told by another preacher (female) “I don’t know you, but God told me to tell you, that only you can do it.” I still don’t know what she meant.
My favorite scripture that is ME and speaks to ME all the TIME: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 This became my scripture after meeting a man of God at my church’s revival. I heard his voice behind my favorite song “Total Praise!”
When I heard his voice, I knew he is the one. We live in different states, but that’s okay, I believe God is working on us both for what He has in store. I just have to remain faithful and obedient to see where God is going to lead us. I constantly pray for his health, strength and safety… that he is covered to continue to do what God has called him to do. I love what God said to you “walk in excellence…!” That’s my motto for my business “Always strive for excellence!” I pray that God uses you for His glory as you uplift the Body of Christ! Just as I plan to do for myself! God bless you!
(USA) Cindy, I’m not a wife yet. I longed to be married, but I think at this time in my life, the Lord must not want me to be married. But as I read your comments, you are very encouraging to women. If the Lord blesses me to be a wife (aging gracefully), you have certainly encouraged me to continue to be a Godly Woman. I know that I have assurance of the Lord Jesus Christ, that if I hold to His unchanging hand, whether I get married or not, my goal is to get to heaven and minister and bring as many as the Lord God shall call with me. I want to see His face in Peace. Thank you for the encouragement. God Bless.
(UNITED STATES) My husband has been Pastor for two years now and I feel that he is trying to erase me. When I raise my hand during church meetings, he does not call on me. Someone else usually points out the fact that my hand has been up for a long time. I have taken a very low profile in an effort to avoid intimidation but he has accused me of trying to “run the church”.
I went to him for approval for everything that my committee was supposed to do and he called himself “thinking about it” for two years. Of course this made my committee a joke. He is courteous and polite to all others but usually displays a short tempered and brusque manner. When we are invited to other churches, even when he is the guest speaker he does not introduce me; these are just a few of strange little ways.
He has told me that he doesn’t “need me and” he is “not going to ask me to do anything”; I am so very tired of his childish approach to management that I could scream again! How do I cope with someone who needs help? I’m capable of being helpful in many areas; but he does everything possible to keep me from helping with anything and help is so desperately needed.
This translates to estrangement in our marriage, he tries to leave me out of everything except when he wants an attractive woman by his side to attend some function or the other. I am ready to throw in the towel and leave!
(USA) I feel for you Jeannie. Be assured that as you are also God’s beloved child. God sees and will deal with the disrespect from your husband. Pray and ask God to show your husband that as it is stated in Malachi 2:14-15, that he is dealing treacherously with you. He is also in violation of what it says in Ephesians concerning marriage. If there is a Bishop or overseer that you can go to then ask your husband if the two of you can seek his counsel, or better yet maybe you could go yourself and have the Bishop or Overseer to speak to him. Finally, if he still does not repent, then refuse to be his arm candy at the next event. -G. H.
(UNITED STATES) Hello, I’m 22 with lots of passion and drive to do whatever the Lord wants me to do. Is it weird to want to be a first lady? I hear that many women who are called to be First Lady’s don’t necessarily want it at first. I have so much I want to do for God’s kingdom but I also understand that I have to wait on his timing, and if it lines up with him then it shall come to pass.
I want to start a battered women’s shelter, self worth & empowerment Christian camp for teenage girls and a dance ministry. I’ve came a long way on my journey. I’ve stopped the college lifestyle, the drinking and going out. I plan to remain celibate until I’m married. I just want make myself available to God.
Sometimes though, I feel like I’m not doing enough, or God has me at a stand still. I know God has many things that I’m supposed to do but how to get anchored is the problem, if that makes sense.
Being a woman of God for many years, do you have any wisdom for me? If you can pray for me as well, that God gives me guidance… Thank You God Bless.
(USA) I have been a first lady for 11yrs. When I met my husband in college, I was very much involved in ministry at my own church. My husband then informed me that the Lord called him to Pastor and he demanded that I leave my church to be with him. Every since then, it seems like the more I try to do to help him with different aspects of the ministry, the more he shuts me out. This is very painful for me and is pushing me farther and farther away from him.
He believes that I am a distraction all the time. If I call him from work to see how he’s doing, he will respond in a very short tempered and aggravated manner. If I make any suggestions to assist him in endeavors or mission, he will not listen and shut me down.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. I want my marriage to last but I am feeling so hopeless in this marriage, as if he really does not need me. I’d rather be with someone that respects me and honors me for who I am and what I have to offer than to continue this relationship with my husband. Please help me! I am so ready to give up and I don’t feel motivated to go to the church anymore.
(USA) Hello, I am a Pastor’s Wife of 2 1/2 years now. I have been uncomfortable in this role; however, I have really tried to stay true to who I am and not become what I think others want me to be. I have a growing family and recently decided to step down from different ministries I’ve been involved with so I could really focus on my husband and our children.
I originally wanted to be involved and help my husband with different ministries, but I have realized that maybe that wasn’t the best thing. So, I’ve decided to focus on raising our kids, focus on supporting him emotionally and keeping our home running smoothly. What are your thoughts on this?
(USA) Hi, I’m married to a guy who has always been active in various roles at church. He works a regular job but is just about to retire from that to take on a role as Associate Pastor (he’s gone to seminary on the side for a long time and is almost ready to graduate). I’m a wee bit petrified of this. I’ve seen the scrutiny a pastor’s wife falls under. Also, our adult daughter lives with us because she is disabled, and I often feel like all my capacity for giving to others is used up!
I sometimes struggle from the years of isolation and such (we live in the country, though our church is in town). I cannot imagine that anyone else here can relate but I’ve been trolling the internet hoping to find some book or some website or… SOMEthing that would help me with this scary new venture. Thanks for letting me vent anyways :)
(CLARK) Here is my question and it was asked by the first Lady of my church. In the absence of clear rules in the church, what do we have? I find your discussion very interesting I will be back to join the in. Thanks
Dear Almetya, This is where prayer comes in. I’m not giving you a simplistic answer here, but truly, when there aren’t “clear rules” put forth in scripture, that’s where we need to others, who are godly in their wisdom (the Bible talks about the benefit of talking to wise counselors) and especially talk directly to God on the matter.
We have an article in the “Communication Tools” topic titled, “Decision Making Checklist.” It would be good to pray, read, and then point-by-point, go through this list with God over whatever matter you are facing. There seems to be a lot of wisdom contained in this list. If you are sincerely seeking God, you will gain wisdom through this list, through scripture, and what God shows you as far as whether you are seeking an answer in truth. I hope this helps.