Submit is a verb. Submitting is a voluntary action. That means it is something we ourselves do. It’s not something we make someone else do. Just as we can’t force another person to love us, we can’t force someone to submit to us either. Of course we can make that person do what we want. But then that’s not true submission.
Submission is a choice we make. It’s something each one of us must decide to do. And this decision happens first in the heart.
Shocking News
This may be shocking news to you, but an overwhelming majority of wives in my survey said they want to submit to their husbands. They want their husbands to be the head of the home, and they have no desire to usurp that God-given position of leadership. They know what the Bible says on the subject. Discerning wives want to do what God wants because they understand that God’s ways work best.
However, problems often arise in this area because a wife is afraid to submit to her husband for two reasons:
Reason #1:
Her husband thinks submission is only a noun, and he uses it as a weapon.
Reason #2:
Her husband has himself not made the choice in his heart to be fully submitted to God.
Okay, okay! I know that God did not say a wife needs to submit to her husband only if he proves to be worthy. Submission is a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in man. But a wife will more easily make the choice to submit to her husband if she knows that he has made the choice to submit to the Lord. It will be a sign to her that it is safe to submit to him. And the goal here is to help her, not force her, into proper alignment.
Trusting
Many a wife has a hard time trusting that her husband is hearing from God if he doesn’t appear to be submitted to God in the way he treats her. Wives know that after the verse “Wives, submit to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22), the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25).
Christ doesn’t neglect, ignore, demean or abuse the church. He doesn’t treat her rudely or disrespectfully. He never acts arrogantly or insensitively toward her. Nor does He criticize her and make her feel she is not valuable. Rather He loves her, protects her, provides for her, and cares for her. So while God gives the husband a position of leadership in relationship to his wife, He also requires the price of self-sacrifice from him.
When Wives Hold Back
The big question in many women’s minds is, “If I submit myself to my husband, will I become a doormat for him to walk on?” The answer to that question depends entirely upon whether her husband believes he should love his wife like Christ loves the church. Does he willingly sacrifice himself for her —or think that submission is a noun and that it is something owed him? In other words, does he only consider his desires and opinions, to the exclusion of hers?
A wife has a hard time giving her husband the reins to her life if she doesn’t believe she can trust him to have her best interests at heart as he steers the course of their lives together. She has trouble going along with his decisions when he refuses to consider her thoughts, feelings, and insights on the subject. And if she has submitted to a male in the past and her trust was violated in some way, it is even more difficult for her to trust now.
On the other hand:
A woman will do anything for a man who loves her like Christ loves the church. Submission is easy under these conditions. I know a number of women who are married to unbelieving husbands. The have no problem submitting to their husbands. This is because in each case the husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, even though he doesn’t know Christ.
Too often people confuse “submit” with “obey.” But they are not the same thing. The Bible gives commands about obeying other people only in regard to children and slaves, and in the context of the local church. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). “Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh” (Ephesians 6:5). “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account” (Hebrews 13:17). Since a wife is neither her husband’s child nor his servant, and the local church isn’t part of a marriage, the word “obey” has no application to the relationship between a husband and a wife.
Can’t Demand Submission
Submission means “to submit yourself.” In light of that, when a husband demands submission from his wife, it is no longer true submission. And his demands can become intimidating and oppressive, which breeds resentment. When a husband is more interested in his wife’s submission to him than he is in his own submission to God, then submission becomes a tool to hurt and destroy.
I have seen too many marriages between strong Christian people —high-profile Christian leaders, in fact —end in divorce because the husband demanded submission and resorted to verbal or physical abuse in order to get it. My husband has even counseled men like that, men who refused to hear that losing their family was a horrible price to pay for being “right.” How much better it would have been for the husband to submit himself to God’s hand and then pray for his wife to be able to come into proper order. This kind of situation occurs far too often.
God Frees Us
When we submit to God, He doesn’t suppress who we are. He frees us to become who we’re made to be, within the boundaries of His protection. When a wife submits to her husband, she comes under his covering and protection, and this frees her to become all God created her to be. Trust me, you want that for your wife. Her greatest gifts will prove to be your greatest blessing.
If you feel that your wife is not submissive, pray for her to have a submissive heart. Pray her heart will be first submissive toward God, and then toward you. Then ask God to help you love her the way He does. I guarantee that you will see her submission level rise in direct proportion to the unselfish love you exhibit for her. And let her see that you are seeking God for guidance. If she knows that you are asking God to show you the way, she will follow you anywhere.
Please pray for your wife that:
- She will understand what submission really is.
- She will be able to submit in the way God wants her to.
- You will be completely submitted to God.
- She will trust God as He works in you.
- You will take your position as spiritual leader.
- She will trust you to be the head of the family.
- Submission will not be a point of contention in your marriage.
PRAYER POWER:
Lord, I submit myself to You this day. Lead me as I lead my family. Help me to make all decisions based on Your revelation and guidance. As I submit my leadership to You, enable (wife’s name) to fully trust that You are leading me. Help her to understand the kind of submission You want from her. Help me to understand the kind of submission You want from me. Enable me to be the leader You want me to be.
Where there are issues over which we disagree, help us to settle them in proper order. I pray that I will allow You, Lord, to be so in control of my life that my wife will be able to freely trust Your Holy Spirit working in me. Help me to love her the way You love me, so that I will gain her complete respect and love. Give her a submissive heart and the faith she needs to trust me to be the spiritual leader in our home. At the same time, help us to submit “to one another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). I know that only You, Lord, can make that perfect balance happen in our lives.
This article comes from the book, The Power of a Praying® Husband
— ALSO —
To learn more on this subject, please read the following Crossway.com article, written by Dr Norm Wright:
Filed under: For Married Men
(USA) I understand everything that was written on submission. However, should a wife submit to things her husband wants to do that are ungodly as a means for keeping the marriage? For example a menage a trois (threesome).
(USA) Just because you assume a threesome is ungodly doesn’t mean it is. Remember the old testament is replete with polygamy and polyamory. It is our current society that has frowned upon actions like this. Society is afraid as a whole. God wants you to be happy, and if that’s what it takes so be it. Don’t belittle yourself to your opinions of what sin is. Adultery isn’t adultery without the lies and deciet, if you both are willing, then you honor yourselves and God by fulfilling both of your desires. No harm, no foul. If it harms none, then it is not a sin.
(USA) Can you provide a scripture reference that says God wants you to be happy? I don’t think it’s there. God wants you to find JOY, which is different from happiness, and that joy is derived from following him and seeking to be Holy.
I don’t think God condoned the polygamy. There are many scriptures that say that those God trusts to lead and direct his church are to be men who have ONE wife. So I think what God is saying is that those who come closest to following Him are not men who have multiple wives. They are not men who have as their first goal, happiness.
Many places in scripture, God calls us to be Holy. I don’t know of a scripture where God calls us to be happy If you have a reference, I’d be happy to read it and learn of this command by the Lord.
(KENYA) I’m not married. Happy VS Holy — that’s something that we should think through when following our ‘hearts desires’. Very helpful words of wisdom. Asante (means Thanks in SWAHILI.)
(USA) Are you the same Tony from the other page, where we “talked” about feeling safe in a relationship to share yourself? I’m really impressed with your answer here, it’s so right!
(USA) I’ve heard it said that it’s not about happiness it’s about holiness.
(USA) If everyone took your approach, then doing cocaine, marijuana, crack, and every other drug out there wouldn’t be a sin either. You obviously are failing to understand the fear of the LORD. And you are taking God’s intelligence for granted. The following scriptures clearly answer this topic. And note how a threesome = “due penalty for their perversion” as stated in the scripture below:
“Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” (Romans 1:24-27)
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8)
A person who has the Holy Ghost would never have such difficulties understanding right from wrong on a topic like this. And without the Holy Ghost you can’t be saved anyway. This hints that your repentance is not sincere and prevents the Holy Ghost from dwelling upon you and giving you light of the truth.
The Holy Ghost is a gift for you when your repentance is sincere to God, and when you accept God as your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
If you haven’t been baptized in his name, I urge you to Accept God as your Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ and “Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. It’s a promise for you and your children” (Acts: 2:38).
Let the Holy Ghost reveal to you all the truth you need. I wish you the best…
(USA) Well said Tony!
(USA) Your husband is wrong for asking this and is himself going down a dangerous path… however, the Bible says to submit to him is everything (not just when you feel like it) and 1 Peter 3 says that even if he doesn’t believe in God it’s your place to submit… in everything… kinda takes the sin off your plate.
(USA) We cannot go against the law of God when submitting to a husband. Submission is not a commandment but a rule. However, do not commit adultery is a commandment. If the third person were a man then it would have to be out, it goes against law. period.
If it were a woman and she were committed to this relationship then I would submit. So, it is law trumps submit then everything else is permitted.
(USA) I agree; that is why Paul was in prison and the saints were martyred. They went against their governing authority to preach the gospel.
(USA) Hi Katrina, I believe menage a trois (threesome) is ungodly otherwise God would have created Adam, Eve, and Emmy for Adam to have a threesome. It is wrong and you should not give in to it. You will not be condemned for refusing to submit to this. I think SOME men use the word ‘submission’ to abuse their wives. My husband prefers to sit in front of the TV while I slave around in the house from work. I have to help him financially because he can’t meet the bills himself. His pay is not enough yet he is not willing to help me in the house. He believes that women should meet the household duties and help their husband’s financial responsibilities as the providers. Is this right? What’s the role of a man then?
(FLORIDA) To Renee or any unfortunate woman in her position: It sounds like your husband IS TAKING ADVANTAGE of you. He’s using his position as the head of household for his own benefit and selfish reasons. Sadly, some men do this.
Ideally, the husband should be the sole or main PROVIDER. This is why men should wait to marry until they have a good career. Your husband is not only failing you as the main provider by making you work but is also trying to force you to do all of the housework on top of burdening you with the responsibility of helping him be the provider. HE CANNOT HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
You need to divy up the chores 50/50 because you are both employed and bringing in income. My wife does all of the household chores except for lawn maintenance and house repairs and taking out the recycling and the garbage. Those are my chores as the man. BUT I MAKE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY AND MY WIFE STAYS HOME WITH THE LITTLE ONES. That is why she does all the indoor housework and some occasional gardening.
Your husband is not being a Godly man and he is not putting his family above his own needs the way a true head of household should be doing. You need to have a serious talk with him and possibly involve someone from your church. God bless.
(USA) If that is the case, then your husband isn’t really the provider is he? Each person has a role to play. I believe from a spiritual standpoint that if you agree to help financially, then he should also agree to help you with your domestic work around the house. If I were in his shoes and my wife in yours, I would help with the household work and in my free-time search for a higher-paying job so that she could quit, if she prefers, or uses the additional income to do something with her like a vacation or take her shopping, or send her to a spa or something.
It used to be that I took care of all the domestic and financial work, and I felt like I was in your shoes, but my wife is a trooper. After I lost my job and became unable to work for a month after due to illness, she stepped up and is handling us financially, while I handle the domestic stuff. I’ve just recently found work and started providing financially again, which is a blessing because this is very difficult for her to maintain.
(USA) Hi Katrina, It saddens my heart to read your question because if your husband is asking this of you, it means that you have a husband whose heart is straying from keeping your marital bed pure as the Bible talks about (in Hebrews 13:4). That is truly a tragic situation — one in which I pray you would not participate in, no matter what reasoning your husband brings to you.
Submission to our husbands as the head of the home, is not given without exception. I’m going write below, something from “The Politically Incorrect Wife” written by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby, because I think they word it well:
“You might be wondering whether there are exceptions in the area of submission. There are. God is the highest authority, and anything that goes against His Word should not be done. You are called first to submit to God’s authority and then to your husband’s. If submitting to your husband’s authority violates God’s teachings, then your choice must be to obey God, not your husband. Some of the exceptions are crystal clear: adultery, abuse, or asking you to worship other gods.”
Let me ask you, if your husband asked you to murder someone, or rob from a bank, or join a satanist group, would you do these things? I hope your answer would be “no”. And why not? You wouldn’t do them because you know they are wrong and they violate who you are and who God created you to be, plus, we’re told not to do so in God’s Word. And the same would be true if your husband asks you to participate with him in bringing adultery into your marriage bed. Whether it is through movies, or pictures, or through physically, sexually participating with another person in an adulterous situation, it is against God’s principles to do so. And when your husband asks this of you, he is violating God’s standards and asking you to participate with him in something that grieves the heart of God. This would be a time when you would not submit to your husband, but to God.
If your husband thinks that by violating your marriage vows, it is “keeping the marriage”, he is headed down the dangerous path and is trying to take you there as well. He is breaking covenant with you and with God. It could lead to a much worse destruction of your marriage. It could also leave you with a severely hurting conscience and memories that the enemy of our faith will attempt to use to haunt you from that time forward.
I can’t tell you what to do, but with everything that is within me, I wouldn’t personally do this. If your marriage is in trouble sexually, then I hope you would try to find a godly sex therapist or counselor, and NOT bring another person into your marriage whether by images or in person. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12). And that can include death of a marriage.
My prayers go out for you and your husband. I pray the Lord ministers to you, guides you, leads you to make Godly decisions, and helps you to live your life in ways that will be pleasing and glorifying to the Lord. I pray for your husband, that God speaks to his heart and that he will listen and follow God’s way into being a man of integrity in “keeping your marriage” as one that is healthy for both of you and is pleasing to the Lord and an example of a good marriage for those who know you and witness your lives together.
(VIRGINIA) Thank you, for letting me read what you had to say about marriage and the way God said it should be. Because everything you said is what is going on with me and my marriage to my husband. The things he says out of his mouth sometimes hurts me inside, the way men use the word submission. I am trusting God in Everything!
(US) There is hope!!! I don’t know exactly what is believed here, but I wanted to share my experiences. I have been struggling with the submission part for a while. I think I read the passage and got sidetracked a little. Meaning that I understood it in a different way than the way God intended it to be accepted. I have read several of the books out there on marriages and they all have great information, but they can mislead us(men) unintentionally at times.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years and I have just now submitted to God’s meaning for this. This came through the strength of my wife to get on her knees and turn to God for her answers. As she prayed in her closet she felt led to pull me in there (we were having a pretty good spat) and she began speaking in tongues. God used my wife that night (about 3 weeks ago) to minister to me. All he wanted me to do was love! Man that sounds so easy, but to a man who has learned to close up and become hardened, that is the toughest thing in the world to do. Even if it is with my wife.
As I have started to open my heart to her and let her know how much she means to me, I have become very vulnerable. This feeling is very awkward to me, but the rewards have far out weighed the feelings of vulnerability. I wake up every day looking for ways to express my love to her. I play with her hair, I help cook, I help her in the yard, I wash dishes, clean the restroom, love to touch and hold her.
I have learned that I can not spoil my wife. I have heard at times and thought "I don’t want to spoil her", ignorance on my part. The funny part about it is it gives me freedom and energy. She has to get used to this, but I told her the difference now is that since God has put this in me, there is nothing she can do to remove it. We have since cleansed our home and I feel we are now moving in the direction god wants us to be in. A Loving Husband
(CANADA) Hi Toby, welcome to the site. I’m really proud of you and all that you’re learning. It’s never too late for God to teach us things. Keep on reading God’s word on marriages and ask God to always guide you and He will. God calls for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That’s huge, and it’s a combination of love and forgiveness. Hope all goes well for you. I will keep you in my prayers. You’re gonna discover new things everyday.
(UNITED STATES) To All, Hello I am a new wife. My husband and I have been married for only 8 months and before that we only knew each other for 4 weeks. Through these past 8 months I have taken a leap of faith and truly brought God into my life. I continue to pray and read my Bible for understanding of God’s word.
The problem that I am having is being an "obedient" wife to my husband. I feel as though I try to do majority of the things that my husband asks. But on the other hand, some things that he asks of me, I feel as though are unfair. And it comes from his insecurity and jealousy. I feel as though he takes Gods word of a wife being obedient to her husband as well as being submissive for granted.
He basically says, that if I tell you to do something, then you should do it, because you are my wife and I am the husband. He says that I am not asking you to do anything wrong, therefore you should do it.
An example, would be… he is in the military and is deployed and he tells me that I should not wear any heels while he is gone. I explained that I only wear heels to church and that is it and I wore them once on Christmas. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with this. But as a wife, do I just do what he says?
There are so many things that he asks that I just feel like I am being controlled and I don’t feel like that is what a marriage should be.
I just want opinions from others, because I want to do Gods will as a wife, but I also don’t want to feel like a child being told what to do.
Thank you for your comments in advance.
(USA) Kitwana, I have been married 6 1/2 years and my husband is the same way. It is not right. If I move the couch he will get mad at me and put his fist in my face, because I went against his will. He only seems to show love when I am exactly the way he wants me to be. The Lord has revealed something to me about him. Also the Lord has brought me a friend and a Pastor’s wife who understands what I am going through and they know it is wrong. Keep greatly in prayer. I know how hard it is to wait the see a change. We must keep our love and faith with God and be pleasing to God first and foremost.
(USA) Obey your husband and do not wear heels.
(USA) A husband is also supposed to honor his wife and be understanding towards her. The word ‘honor’ in the greek means: to ‘defer’ to, meaning to listen to her thoughts and opinions, to be considerate of her needs, to yield to her wishes, and to also be courteous and submissive to as well! No where in the word of God is a husband told to ‘parent’ his wife. Telling her what shoes to wear is the action of a parent.
A woman or man should dress for the Lord, anyway, and the spouse will also enjoy the benefits. If the wife dresses herself in order to please God, her attire will be appropriate, and the Holy Spirit will gently convict her about any inappropriate attire, not her husband. We should not go along with carnal mindsets in our spouses, but encourage them to have ‘the mind of Christ’, which is a mind of faith,hope and mostly, love… not a mindset of insecurity, jealousy, domination over others and or undue control over them.
If the wife wants to please her husband in not wearing heels, this is her decision, but she should not be made to feel bad for wearing heels, if she chooses to. If Jesus allows it, so should her husband, because he must love her as Jesus loves her as a memeber of his church. Amen.
(USA) I will be praying. Be careful that controlling does not become abuse. I’ve seen it a million times. It starts with “It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s THEM/other men.” which he may believe, but it is only a half truth because when it comes down to it, YOU are the last line of defense as far as trust/betrayal goes. I don’t trust many other men around my wife for spit, although I used to be very naive. My wife has told me about best friends, business associates, etc. people I trust come calling and make agressive passes when they knew I wasn’t around. There’s one thing I know, I trust my wife and that’s all that matters because she’s the only one that I need to trust. And she, knowing better, will do things (that I don’t ask) in order to minimize this sort of attention from other men. Is’s because I do put my trust in her and nurture the relationship with kind words of affirmation and service.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t have past relationships where I did the opposite and got the results that I was trying to avoid. In this world we sort of get what we put our faith and eyes on. If one goes looking for betrayal, fear of betrayal enters their heart, they begin speaking of betrayal, accusing of betrayal, and treating the other as if they are betraying… and guess what happened to me? Boom, she’s with someone else and I get to find out last. Now, not only does this become a reality, it also makes all the time I was only living in fear that much stronger.
You married a man after only knowing him for four weeks and found out you married a kook?
(USA) I know what you mean. My husband tries to force me to submit to him. He calls me names, nags me and puts me down. He wants me to submitt even to the point of having to get permission to move a piece of furniture. He is not close to God like he should be. He is full of much anger. I can’t come to accept that we are to submit down the littlest things that are not even Bible. Thank for the article.
(USA) My wife and I have a double-submission thing going on. The Bible says we should submit one to another. The Bible also says that a virtuous woman is the crown of a husband. I know that I may be the “head” of the family, but I also know that a crown is no crown unless it is worn properly, which is above the “head.” Thus, I strive to be humble towards my wife, and she strives to be humble to me. It’s like we’re in humility wars. Who can serve the other more?
This is God’s way. This is the OPPOSITE of the worlds way, which is a power struggle… who can be in control. Who can be the one on top. This was how we played our marriage the first 6 years. Every time I would submit to the word and be humble, I became a doormat. Before that it was the other way around. Soon enough, nobody wanted to submit because they were afraid of being tread upon. Soon we fell out of sync; we couldn’t even voice our pains to one another without total defensiveness and blame shifting from each-other.
It wasn’t until we decided to put God back as the head of our marriage. A marriage is between Man, Woman and God. When we started having devotions, she KNEW I was submitting to the same word she was, and we could also pray our grievances (hopes too), towards the same maker in a nuetral environment to a mediator. The new covenant is a spiritual marriage contract between Christ and the church and Christ is the mediator. He is also the Mediator of our marriages. When a God fearing husband hears his wife pray “Lord, please make me more patient regarding when my husband does ________” no husband before the presence of God is going to be like “Wait a second! Oh yeah!? Well, I only did that because you do _____!!!” …he’s going to do what I do… blush and go… “Oh… I didn’t know she felt that way.” Also during this he is praying in agreement with his wife on the matter and that is a VERY powerful thing.
(UNITED STATES) I just want to say on a man’s behalf, it just won’t work unless we submit our will to GOD’S. He knows the woman’s heart and ours too. Unless we both seek Him whole heartedly, life is a failure. Women, if we are not on the right path at times, you need to keep praying for us; it’s not easy being a man a GODLY man. It’s lots of pressure. I’m not making excuses for us. When we begin to trust the GOD within us, then we will be alright.
(USA) …Sounds kinda lame to me. Sometimes men only want to be strong when they can be strong ‘their’ way, like in dominating their spouse, or trying to be a big shot over others. But when they are commanded by God’s word to obey certain things in the Bible, then they wanna cry how hard it is to be strong, but only in God… Well, men-which are you? strong or weak? Pick one please! And, of course we ALL need the Lord to work in and through us, but ie: a single mom with three kids HAS to be strong and work full-time to be the mother, father, provider, head of house.etc… what if she used that line for someone else to ‘pray’ for her… wah wah wah!!! She has no choice but to trust God!!! My answer? Just DO it!
(USA) I believe Love and Submission are personal decisions. And no exact pre-defined way of approach exists in the Bible or anywhere else. Marriage, Love, and Submision in nature, takes on an agile approach. The Bible says “wives submit to your husbands” but it doesn’t state exactly how? The Bible says “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church” and that commandment itself is a very broad statement, not very specific! Which leads to the conclusion that Love and Submission should be treated as voluntary functions predicated through skills and knowledge?
The husband and wife require a healthy set of skills of discernment of right and wrong/good and evil, so that Love and Submission are understood, balanced, and applied unconditionally. The success of Submission really depends on the sincerity of Love administered by each individual. Involuntary conditions or constraints will only degrade the sincerity and place the marriage in a vicious cycle of complaints and arguments. And what good would it be, to have a Submitting spouse with wrong intentions, feelings, or regrets?
It’s everyone’s responsibility who plays the role of a spouse, to collect a healthy set of Marriage building practices applicable toward love and submission, and to build on that set of practices continuously as times change. God’s word and any other reference material that provides positive and good information should be treated as light of guidance, not as constraint mechanisms applying conditions to our lives. That would be counterproductive on marriage and following Christ sincerely through free will. That’s why King Solomon wrote: “When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: Teach me good judgment and knowledge: for I have believed thy commandments.” (Psalm 2:10-11; Psalm 119:66).
With that said, just because a person fears and follows God, doen’t mean the spouse will automatically submit, if he/she fails to understand, collects, and applies a healthy set of practices. Fear of the Lord is just a very good starting point! “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Psalm 1:7)
(US) Actually, it does say wives should submit to their husbands as to the Lord. The devil is the author of confusion.
(KENYA) I can only pray that God forgives and teaches Shizat, and many others hoboring distorted (negative) versions of the word of God. There’s a big diference between utilitarianism and the truth of God, and none can supplement the other! Three some, and any other SIN is sin, whether approved by the entire globe or not, and consequently a path to destruction. Please remain pure! AMEN.
(USA) Correction: The biggest reason a woman does not want to submit is because she does not trust her husband and has probably been hurt by trusting him already. I am a good example of this and will probably never completely trust my husband again. It got myself and my children hurt badly.
I also couldn’t count the times I thought “just once I wish he would ask me to do something instead of telling me to do it”. I would have loved it if he would have treated me better than the dog.
(UNITED STATES) To the woman who’s husband didn’t want her to wear heels while he was deployed…
Whether or not that’s “controlling” behavior, I couldn’t tell you. I think it would depend on the man and the manner in which he asks you these things. But generally speaking I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request. High heels are a (or, can be) very provocative. Modern culture has sexualized them. That part of you- your sexuality- is your husband’s. Like his is yours. Sounds to me like he’s just being posessive of that part of you and also doesn’t want you treated or looked at in any kind of disresepctful way while he’s not there with you.
I would go ahead and just honor his wishes there. I just think about things like that, dressing to please my husband- why not, why wouldn’t I do that for him?
(ZIM) Hi, my sister with the heels, please ask your husbnd not to wear sneakers anymore. See his reaction then. I believe that things like these actually do lead to abuse in the end. Doesn’t he want you to look sexy? Doesn’t he want to show the world what a lovely wife he has?
I was once listening to the radio when one of the djs (male) made a comment saying that husbands/boyfriends want their wives trim and lean, appropriately dressed, respective and so forth. Meanwhile, the guy demanding all of this dresses badly, has no manners at all and is definitely not lean.
By saying this I’m just advising that before we expect change from someone, let’s change ourselves. If I dress inappropritely and my husband does so too, instead of asking him to change I should go out first and get myself decent clothing. Lead by example.
(USA) I’m on the verge of divorce and I’m desperate to make it work. We have been married five years, second marriages for each of us. We each have two grown children. Three of the children are supportive and fun to be around. The fourth is a controlling manipulative immature daughter of 29. I will call her “Beth.”
The first year, we lived in our own houses because Beth could not handle that her father had moved on. Then I moved into my husband’s house. Big Mistake! When Beth visited us, she threw a major tantrum because some of my furniture was in the house. She lives across the country so we see her rarely. My husband flies out to see her every Christmas and they talk on the phone weekly.
My problem is that I still cannot be at home in the house. Both children’s bedrooms are still their bedrooms despite the fact both will be married by Thanksgiving and both live across the country from us. One child doesn’t care about us keeping his room like a shrine. Beth, however, will make her father miserable if her room isn’t kept just as she left it 11 years ago.
I want to nest so badly but I can’t move anything, rearrange anything, settle in at all. I’m almost to the point of leaving. My husband and I have seen the counselor who helped him get through his divorce years earlier whenever we’ve had a problem. The house and Beth have been our only unsolveable problem. This counselor told me it’s time to separate until my husband and I can get a home of our own. I went to my pastor for advice and was told the same thing.
If I leave here, I can almost guarantee my marriage will be over. My husband is furious at the thought. If I stay I’m afraid my depression and resentment will continue to grow until there is nothing left of our marriage.
I’m going to submit to my husband now and pray to be able to do it joyfully. But I doubt I’ll be able to respect or like my husband after another month of this. Any advice? Words of wisdom?
(NORTH AMERICA) What if the wife or her children are in a life or death situation? The husband doesn’t think it’s necessary to get medical aide for the wife or their child, and he says no? Should the wife get medical help anyway? Can a Christian wife teach their children about JESUS if the husband refuses? Please help let me know!