Submit is a verb. Submitting is a voluntary action. That means it is something we ourselves do. It’s not something we make someone else do. Just as we can’t force another person to love us, we can’t force someone to submit to us either. Of course we can make that person do what we want. But then that’s not true submission.
Submission is a choice we make. It’s something each one of us must decide to do. And this decision happens first in the heart.
Shocking News
This may be shocking news to you, but an overwhelming majority of wives in my survey said they want to submit to their husbands. They want their husbands to be the head of the home, and they have no desire to usurp that God-given position of leadership. They know what the Bible says on the subject. Discerning wives want to do what God wants because they understand that God’s ways work best.
However, problems often arise in this area because a wife is afraid to submit to her husband for two reasons:
Reason #1:
Her husband thinks submission is only a noun, and he uses it as a weapon.
Reason #2:
Her husband has himself not made the choice in his heart to be fully submitted to God.
Okay, okay! I know that God did not say a wife needs to submit to her husband only if he proves to be worthy. Submission is a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in man. But a wife will more easily make the choice to submit to her husband if she knows that he has made the choice to submit to the Lord. It will be a sign to her that it is safe to submit to him. And the goal here is to help her, not force her, into proper alignment.
Trusting
Many a wife has a hard time trusting that her husband is hearing from God if he doesn’t appear to be submitted to God in the way he treats her. Wives know that after the verse “Wives, submit to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22), the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25).
Christ doesn’t neglect, ignore, demean or abuse the church. He doesn’t treat her rudely or disrespectfully. He never acts arrogantly or insensitively toward her. Nor does He criticize her and make her feel she is not valuable. Rather He loves her, protects her, provides for her, and cares for her. So while God gives the husband a position of leadership in relationship to his wife, He also requires the price of self-sacrifice from him.
When Wives Hold Back
The big question in many women’s minds is, “If I submit myself to my husband, will I become a doormat for him to walk on?” The answer to that question depends entirely upon whether her husband believes he should love his wife like Christ loves the church. Does he willingly sacrifice himself for her —or think that submission is a noun and that it is something owed him? In other words, does he only consider his desires and opinions, to the exclusion of hers?
A wife has a hard time giving her husband the reins to her life if she doesn’t believe she can trust him to have her best interests at heart as he steers the course of their lives together. She has trouble going along with his decisions when he refuses to consider her thoughts, feelings, and insights on the subject. And if she has submitted to a male in the past and her trust was violated in some way, it is even more difficult for her to trust now.
On the other hand:
A woman will do anything for a man who loves her like Christ loves the church. Submission is easy under these conditions. I know a number of women who are married to unbelieving husbands. The have no problem submitting to their husbands. This is because in each case the husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, even though he doesn’t know Christ.
Too often people confuse “submit” with “obey.” But they are not the same thing. The Bible gives commands about obeying other people only in regard to children and slaves, and in the context of the local church. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). “Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh” (Ephesians 6:5). “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account” (Hebrews 13:17). Since a wife is neither her husband’s child nor his servant, and the local church isn’t part of a marriage, the word “obey” has no application to the relationship between a husband and a wife.
Can’t Demand Submission
Submission means “to submit yourself.” In light of that, when a husband demands submission from his wife, it is no longer true submission. And his demands can become intimidating and oppressive, which breeds resentment. When a husband is more interested in his wife’s submission to him than he is in his own submission to God, then submission becomes a tool to hurt and destroy.
I have seen too many marriages between strong Christian people —high-profile Christian leaders, in fact —end in divorce because the husband demanded submission and resorted to verbal or physical abuse in order to get it. My husband has even counseled men like that, men who refused to hear that losing their family was a horrible price to pay for being “right.” How much better it would have been for the husband to submit himself to God’s hand and then pray for his wife to be able to come into proper order. This kind of situation occurs far too often.
God Frees Us
When we submit to God, He doesn’t suppress who we are. He frees us to become who we’re made to be, within the boundaries of His protection. When a wife submits to her husband, she comes under his covering and protection, and this frees her to become all God created her to be. Trust me, you want that for your wife. Her greatest gifts will prove to be your greatest blessing.
If you feel that your wife is not submissive, pray for her to have a submissive heart. Pray her heart will be first submissive toward God, and then toward you. Then ask God to help you love her the way He does. I guarantee that you will see her submission level rise in direct proportion to the unselfish love you exhibit for her. And let her see that you are seeking God for guidance. If she knows that you are asking God to show you the way, she will follow you anywhere.
Please pray for your wife that:
- She will understand what submission really is.
- She will be able to submit in the way God wants her to.
- You will be completely submitted to God.
- She will trust God as He works in you.
- You will take your position as spiritual leader.
- She will trust you to be the head of the family.
- Submission will not be a point of contention in your marriage.
PRAYER POWER:
Lord, I submit myself to You this day. Lead me as I lead my family. Help me to make all decisions based on Your revelation and guidance. As I submit my leadership to You, enable (wife’s name) to fully trust that You are leading me. Help her to understand the kind of submission You want from her. Help me to understand the kind of submission You want from me. Enable me to be the leader You want me to be.
Where there are issues over which we disagree, help us to settle them in proper order. I pray that I will allow You, Lord, to be so in control of my life that my wife will be able to freely trust Your Holy Spirit working in me. Help me to love her the way You love me, so that I will gain her complete respect and love. Give her a submissive heart and the faith she needs to trust me to be the spiritual leader in our home. At the same time, help us to submit “to one another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). I know that only You, Lord, can make that perfect balance happen in our lives.
This article comes from the book, The Power of a Praying® Husband
— ALSO —
To learn more on this subject, please read the following Crossway.com article, written by Dr Norm Wright:
Filed under: For Married Men
(USA) This is truly the craziest thing I have ever heard. Why should a woman ever “submit” to an abusive husband??? Because God told her to? What about finding a non-abusive husband? What a terribly sad life these women must lead. I will pray for them.
(USA) It may be easier for a Christian wife to submit to a man if he is really loving her and has her best interest at heart. But that doesn’t mean she always will. Submission is not automatic. The woman has to choose to do it.
I didn’t really emphasize submission early in my marriage with my wife. This is something I now see I should hold her accountable on. I think it is something the Lord has been working on her about, that and reverencing/respecting me as a husband. She used to go through periods of time when she was hypercritical. A lot of these were related to PMS or pregnancy, but not always. The way she’d speak to me was not always submissive or with reverence. The Lord has dealt with her about that.
I was praying about a number of issues. She went to a Bible study, someone said something that struck home, and she confessed a number of things about her attitude, specific points I had prayed to the Lord about her. She’d said things that tore me down rather than building me up. She’d pray against me instead of for me when she thought she’d been treated unjustly (and she was really hypercritical about that imo), and various other things.
I’d like to teach her to basically do what I ask her to. I’m not wanting to be a mean dictator, but if I ask her, honey, you haven’t brushed your teeth tonight, can you go do it, when she is tired, that she would do such things. If we have a disagreement about how to do something in the house, I want her to defer to me without crying if she doesn’t get her own way or arguing her case over and over again after a decision has been made. If I make a decision, I try to do it with the best interest of the household in mind. I don’t give her orders like “Go get me coffee.” Usually, I’ll get a drink myself and often bring her one. Like I said, I’m not wanting to be a dictator, but I want to ‘train’ her or hold her accountable, partly because I want to rule my house well, and partly because I believe if she were more submissive, it would be good for our marriage.
My wife is a woman of God, a woman of prayer. She is often very insightful and sees things I don’t. So I really appreciate her. But I do think there is an area of growth for her in submission. So I’m trying to figure out how to teach, support, and hold her accountable in this area.
(UNITED STATES) Here is your wife’s version of your post: It may be easier for a Christian husband to love his wife if her words are encouraging and she makes his physical satisfaction a high priority on her list. But that doesn’t mean he will always act in a loving way. Sacrificial love is not automatic. The man has to choose to do it and be willing to die to himself.
I didn’t really emphasize sacrificial love early in my marriage with my husband. This is something I now see I should pray that the Holy Spirit will hold him accountable on. I think it is something the Lord has been working on him about, that and putting my needs first as God commands him to. He used to go through periods of time when he was self-centered and short with me. A lot of these were related to stress at work, but not always. The way he speaks to me was not always loving or with kindness. The Holy Spirit has worked on him about that.
I was praying about a number of issues. He went to a Bible study, one of his brothers in Christ said something that struck home, and he confessed a number of things about his me-first attitude, specific points I had prayed to the Lord about him. He’d said things that tore me down rather than building me up. He’d pray for his own needs instead of asking that God humble him and make him a better servant-leader (and he was really holding his authority over my head imo), and various other things.
I’d like for God to teach him to obey God’s plan for marriage. God calls him to love me sacrificially as Christ loved the church and to put my needs before his own. If we have a disagreement about how to do something in the house, I wish he would care about my opinion instead of pulling rank on me and declaring that God put him in charge. I wish he would listen to my input before he makes important household decisions. A lot of times, I feel like I don’t count. He thinks if he brings me coffee that this makes up for the condescending way he treats me, but really, I just want him to have respect for me. Like I said, I want to ‘train’ my husband or hold him accountable, partly because I want him to obey God’s command to love me as his own body, but partly because I believe if he were more sacrifically loving and humble, it would be good for our marriage.
My husband is a man of God, a man of prayer. He is often makes good decisions and takes care of us financially. So I really appreciate him. But I do think there is an area of growth for him in sacrificial love as God commands a husband in marriage. So I’m praying that God will teach and support him, and that the Holy Spirit will hold him accountable in this area.
(NIGERIA) Fantastic reply Janelle! Sometimes we forgoet the log in our eyes and focus on the spec in others. Hope He got the irony.
(US) Wow that’s deep… all a matter of how you look at it.
(UNITED STATES) To “Me” from 17 October 2011 at 5:10pm: You have listed many ways you think your wife can improve your marriage, but the only person you can change is you, not her.
Have you fully submitted yourself to the Lord? Do you feel convicted by the Holy Spirit when you sin and do you fully repent in word and action? Are you committed to loving your wife sacrificially as Christ loved the church? Do you regularly put your wife’s needs ahead of your own as God commands you to? Do you lay down your life for your wife as Christ laid down his life for the church?
Remember that Christ said the one who sits at the table is greater than the one who serves the people at the table, and yet, Jesus Christ came to be one who serves (Luke 22:27). Are you humbling yourself and serving your wife?
Your own humble submission to God and your commitment to put your wife’s needs first would improve your marriage as well as your personal relationship with God.
(CANADA) My question is this, first I want to point out that I have no problem submitting to my husband, but the issue to me is that 1- He doesn’t even submit to God, (not the way I think he should) but the way God/Bible says he should. 2- Like you stated, he demands it for convenience sake. It makes me angry because he preaches to me about submitting to Him, and I understand that his growth with God is not my problem but I do believe if he is not submitting himself the way he should or even at all, unless it is convenient to him ,then it reflects on me and it greatly hinders our marriage.
I am not sure what to do. I have prayed to God to help me to be the Christian He has designed me to be, and the best wife to my husband, but it hurts me that one, he doesn’t love me even half as much as Christ loves the church, nor does he love God the way he proclaims to because if he did he would obey His words.
Please help me with this issue if you have any positive input. God bless you.
(USA) Read Titus. Paul says, that the older women should teach the younger women to be in obedience to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed. The wife is to look to the husband as the ruler of the household. The wife is to submit to the husband even when the husband is not a Christian (according to Peter). In all states according to the Bible the wife is to look toward the husband as the leader of the household and is to be in submission, obedience to him. This is the true secret to a true and happy marriage, if you want to follow the scriptures.
Also the word submit means submit or obey and only those two words in the Greek. They are translated that way because the translators did their job correctly. Some authors try to claim submit is not in the scriptures this is not so. Also the reasons are given by Paul for wives or women submitting to males. And these have no cultural reference at all, they are based on the “order of creation”, the man being created first, then the woman, the deception of Eve or the woman in the Garden of Eden, in other words women being able to be deceived due to their nature, and finally the role of the church to obey and follow Christ as the head of the church. The word head, can mean, Head, source, or in some cases crown. The word headship, means headship.
In the case of Source or Crown, that also has spiritual parrallel and meanings that are verified and also coincide with the state of marriage and the conditions of them, being spiritual truths. Christ being both the source of the church as its redeemer and man being the source of the marriage as the person who initiates it. Partners willing to sacrifice, but the husband to love the church and sacrifice himself as Christ did the church. Without Christ’s sacrifice there would be no bride, hence a man should model that and follow that example and love his wife. But also this doesn’t turn that love into submitting to her whims, in other words reversing the roles of submission to that being one done by the man. We are to submit to each other as Christians in service to God and in the workings of the Holy Spirit. But this doesn’t change the marriage roles. The wife is to even submit herself to the unsaved husband. The wife being fallen is to submit when she isn’t saved as a part of the curse of the fall. To have him rule over her.
If the husband was the “crown” of the wife, being the most liberal and false interpretation of the word “head” or headship, then that is covered as well by the bible, where Paul talks about “head covering”. In that passage Paul says wives should have their heads covered, as a sign of submission to the husband to authority, and as a witness to the “angels” who rebelled. Angels are transcultural beings and live and continue to live throughout time and various cultures. So the head covering of the wife is not a cultural thing, but a witness that is to be given to those who have no culture. Her head being covered is a sign to the angels that she is in submission to authority and the natural order of things as God intended. So in all cases a correct interpretation of these scriptures state that ideally the wife should obey her husband. But the husband is not to beat his wife or abuse her as she is a part of his own body. This is the teachings of the scriptures and no amount of rationalization will change them.
And the teaching of wives to be obedient to their husbands is supposed to be taught to younger women by older women in the church. If you’re a woman and learning this here from me (a male), it’s because older women in the church didn’t teach you properly as a young woman. Paul’s comments in Titus were not geared toward men, but given to older women to teach the younger women. So this wasn’t even a word to the males to give them something to dominate women by, it was simply instruction based on truth that was given to women.
(USA) You have to understand that we are all humans and supposed to be maturing into a better state. We are all supposed to grow spiritually. The great temptation and also at times a yolk of burden is to be unequally yolked to non-believers or to someone who is not as mature as you are spiritually. Paul called marriage a form of bondage, being yolked together like two oxen. This means you will likely travel at the spiritual speed of the weaker oxen or marriage partner. It also means you may travel at the weaker speed in other things as well, perhaps physical limitations, as I have seen where one partner is incapacitated by some illness or disease. And of course you may be married to a bonehead or moron as well. This will of course limit you. Being married to a husband who is dumb, greedy or bad in some way will be challenging as well as being married to a wife who has flaws or problems, perhaps she is trying to undermine the husband or being greedy as well.
In either case, the stronger partner may be pulled down or held back, but that is a part of being “bound”, it’s not all about moving forward, but it’s about being committed to the partner you choose.
The big temptation I see that many women have inside the church is they have perhaps made a wrong choice to begin with. They married the guy for the wrong reasons and now they are stuck. You made your bed, now sleep in it, is a famous old saying and that really applies sadly. But Peter says show your respect for them even if they are unbelievers or not mature in your case, if this is the case. The problem that some women have in the church as well, is they want to be the leader and they try to listen to others inside the church or attend more church services than their husband. And they listen to a teaching and feel they are more spiritual, they may be, they may not be. And the temptation is to “say you are more spiritual” and use this as an excuse to “not submit” because the husband isn’t spiritual enough. Of course he will never be spiritual enough, or good enough, because you may be looking for a flaw to find a reason to rebel. I hope you’re not falling into that trap. If the husband is telling you to sin, that is to do something clearly wrong, then you don’t have to obey him. But this is in the case of some rare circumstances most of the time. Many times, women will be tempted to look at some things the husband is doing and say, that’s not spiritual enough for me, and use that as an excuse to try to rebel.
But what does Peter say to them? He says even in the case of being married to a nonbeliever that you should submit to him and by doing that and being a good witness you will convert him. The question is: are you trying to convert him to Christ or to be your helpmate and servant to do your desires? Be truthful when you say your husband is being less spiritual. If he is, then he’ll need to learn and hopefully he will learn. If you live a Christian life and look to God in faith, he will see that and your life will bring him to desire to become a better person and follower of Christ.
And Paul does state the obvious that men love their own bodies. So if a man is beating you or doing something that is against his own body, it could be a sign that he has left the marriage or is in a form of bondage that you don’t have to partake of. Paul was writing to normal people who naturally would love their wives, he was not writing to those who would abuse their own bodies, like some demoniacs or those who mutilated themselves.
Husbands and wives will have temptations and some of these will be in the budgeting of funds. Wives may be tempted to buy more clothing than necessary and spend on those things, husbands will often have really expensive hobbies and this becomes a selfish focus. So both will have temptations. And yes, some men are stubborn or have bad tempers, so you may have chosen a rebel or fallen into bad luck with a poor choice. In those conditions you will be under a greater burden. It’s like being attached to a poor behaving plow horse. Ideally you are both working side by side and know your roles inside marriage. Also reading Proverbs 31 we see that many things are done or delegated by a virtuous women. And ideally her husband can trust her and delegate many things to her. So she can do many things. But many are not virtuous as well and the husband may not be able to trust them. And many husbands have flaws.
How are you helping your husband achieve his full potential to be a success, not materially, but spiritually. Are you being his help mate, or wanting him to be yours because you are “more spiritual”? If you are seeking a man to be your help mate, you’ve missed the meaning and roles of marriage to begin with. I’m not necessarily speaking to the person who mentioned the less spiritual husband but to women in general. I’ve seen many women who are in the world, who are looking for a husband to “help them” a good man. But I’m not looking to “be her helpmate” and do a role reversal. Sorry, I’ll pass on many of them.
And if we look at Paul’s admonition in the second chapter of Titus, one of the things he says should be taught is that she be a “keeper at home” which is literally a traditional house wife role. But sadly we don’t see that in today’s US culture, we see career women, running around like men and looking for an equal marriage. They want me to be their help mate, well sorry I’d rather not enter into that modern false version of a marriage. I’d rather be single.
(USA) A husband who asks his wife to be involved in infidelity is likely sleeping around with other women. Once they sleep around, they have broken the marriage bond and you are free to divorce them. You don’t have to let your husband force you to do sexual sin. If the husband is beating his wife, I have to say that in most cases, it’s a sign he is running around. Usually you will find these men that are doing the beating as having left their marriage vows.
It’s almost funny to see the extent that people play by the worlds game and look for the guy who is the rebel and wild party guy. A real ladies man, and both partners run around and show little self control before they are married, jumping into bed with many partners. Then they get married and hope to have God bless the mess they develop. It’s difficult to change and become a person of self control if you haven’t used it before you were married. It’s difficult to have trust. Some are just carnal and were carnal and will not be committed to marriage, but leave it the first time they get a chance for “someone better”.
I speak of this because it’s easier to say this as a joke as many live their lives as a joke and ignore the commands of God. They are living as if they are God themselves and they can do whatever they want to and there will be no penalties. But the ten commandments still apply and condemn them. We can try to get into heaven by our own piety following the law and the commandments, but we will find we fail. We find in our failure our true nature. We look to the Gospels and see the manner of person we are, hearing them. And we have a chance to return toward God and repent. We repent of sins that we see that we’ve done and we ask him to save us as Lord and Master. We ask Christ to come into our heart and send the Holy Spirit to live and guide us. We are to walk in love and hopefully grow and mature in the Holy Spirit.
The Christian walk has nothing to do with submitting to a husbands perversions and inviting others into your bed. That is easy to see. Some have tried to do this in very difficult environments where they were almost sexual slaves. I’ve heard of these stories. It’s something that some have tried and maybe they were delivered by God and maybe the guy even woke up and was converted, but that’s not a good reason to do it or try to follow some command to sin by a husband. You are not given liberty to go into bondage again. Christ wants you to be free from sin. The devil on the other hand seeks to enslave and take away all ability to have individuality. He may seduce you to sin of your free will and you may make that choice, but he will also seek to enslave you and get you to a point where you have no options but are a slave to sin. God seeks to deliver us from bondage both literally and spiritually. He want us to walk in freedom and peace.
Some suffer from time to time under the authority of evil men who abuse this with power, but not true authority and guidance from God. Lawful disobedience is going against a command based on power, but not spiritual authority. It’s the basis for any freedom from slavery of evil. It’s totally justified in many cases. But not something that should be an excuse to rebel against anything that is normal that should be done as a worker for your boss or those in authority over you.
Lawful rebellion is the way some governments are formed and some people become free. They choose to follow the law of God rather than illegal commands of men, that may seem legal and normal in that culture and society. This was the case with Peter and early apostles who preached Christ after being whipped, because they would rather “obey God’s command to preach the Gospel” than the “commands of men” who in that case were in authority.
So of course it depends on the situation. We are not to rebel just for the sake of rebellion, but also Christ doesn’t say that you must be a slave to sin, he wants to deliver you from that.
(SOUTH AFRICA) My fiance wants to control my salary and yet he does not let me have a say in his. He wants to tell me how to use the money and I can’t do anything with the money without his consent. He works as a taxi man and I am pregnant. He has not bought anything for the baby and expects me to do everything. And whenever I ask for his help to buy a crib or car seat he says he doesn’t have money.
I am so confused as he believes that as the head he should be in total control of my money and I should give it to him whenever he asks and if I don’t I am not submitting. Please help me think.
Chikondi, I don’t blame you for being confused. You are not married yet. Your fiancé has no right to tell you what to do with your salary. You are both still single. There is no biblical mandate that tells women to be in submission to someone you are living with. And even though he is the father of your child, I would very much consider the fact that this man is going to treat you this way for the rest of your lives together, if you marry. He is showing you much of what you can expect from him. He is going to lord what he considers his “leadership rights” over your head –that he is the “head” and you are his to control and walk all over –telling you what you can and can’t buy, do and can’t do, even for your children.
He does not sound like a servant leader, like Jesus was, but a bullying leader that wants what he wants and too bad for anyone else. Personally, I would not sign a marriage contract with this man. Not only would you find it difficult living under his reign, but he will also be teaching your children how he believes a wife is to be treated –as HIS servant. Is that what you want for your son –to treat a wife more like a slave without any rights or say in everyday matters? I wouldn’t. But that’s up to you.
(UITED STATES) The Bible does teach for a wife to “obey” her husband. The scriptures admonish for older women to teach younger women to “to be OBEDIENT to their husbands” Titus 2:5…both words submit and obey are the same in the Greek language.
(USA) Question: what if a husband is totally submitted to God and loves his wife, respects her, treats her good, submits to her as well, etc. and the wife is disrespectful, deceitful, untruthful, tells me she doesn’t love me almost every day, and cares nothng about submission. Then what should that Christian husband do? I know prayer is #1, but if the wife’s behavior is too much to handle, then what should the husband do? When she uses hurtful words, do I stay shut? How do I defend myself when she disrespects me or makes me feel worthless? I pray for her every day and I ask God to please show her the way she should treat me. Yet, she still keeps on doing whatever she wants and doesn’t care if she hurts my feelings. As a man I feel low or like I’m losing my manhood. Sometimes I even feel like a sucker. It’s frustrating…sigh. I don’t know what else to do, but I love the Lord and I don’t want to be disobedient, so I keep treating her well and loving her like I’m supposed to.
(USA) Israel, The only thing I can tell you to do, is do what you are doing. I feel for you and hate that this has happened in your life. Keep doing what God has commanded. God will change her or move her. But wait on him.
If it helps a passage came to mind, (I know it might be hard to read for you because of your situation, but try… there might be healing for you in that). The Story of Hosea and Gomer. I don’t know how much of the Bible you know; it sounds like you know quite a bit. Hope this helps.
(AUSTRALIA) You make it sound as if your wife is a bit crazy as she is so bad to you without any reason and tells you she does’nt love you even while you are so good and loving to her!!! Could there be a reason for her behaviour?
(USA) Okay, all I have to say is “A Threesome???” Are you out of your mind? WHY DO I ALWAYS RUN INTO WIVES TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO YOUR HUSBANDS WHEN THE HUSBANDS DUTIES ARE TOTALLY IGNORED???
I guarantee you if you treat your wife like you are supposed to for the most part she will do her job. Women for decades have been mistreated and most men act like they don’t understand why we woman have finally stepped up and said “That’s it!” Why is it so prevalent that men in general, use the submission verses to do whatever they want to do and the wife has to say with a smile on her face “Thats fine dear??” Why do men, even ones that claim Christianity, use this a leaden hammer to beat down women and make them feel like they do not matter??
Come on guys, do your part. Women are strong; we are humans; we are not your mothers, slaves, children or your sex toys. We are people with feelings who get tired who work at home and away. We have your children and raise them. We take care of you.
Your only responsibility is not to give out orders and commands and act like our God. You are supposed to love us and take care of us, listen to us, meet our needs also. If you are confused about how you are supposed to love your wife look at Jesus. He was not overbearing, demanding, degrading, or abusive. He lived every moment of the day to make sure the church was strong and viable. His value was a church that was beautiful and functional, not a church that had been beaten down and is skittish.
Be the expample that Jesus showed you; women do want that. You are not gods, just men. You are not smarter than us, or closer to God than we are. It is very hard for a woman to submit to her husband when she KNOWS he is making a mistake, and still will back down and say okay, then go to God and pray for protection. It is not easy to be made feel like we are second handed. We still live in a place where men make better wages, get better jobs, and get treated with more respect. Please remember that we are not dogs to be ordered around, we have value, we are important Just remember men when your wife puts her faith in you and you fail she fails also.
Submission is a very touchy subject because it has not been done biblicaly for the most part. And the women have suffered and the men are standing wondering what happened. Marriage is a collaboration and not one to be taken lightly. We all have our jobs to do. And each is just as important.
(USA) Thank you! That is exactly what I have gone through over my entire life -watching my father’s treatment of my mom and us kids… and now my own husband’s treatment of myself and our child. I have been used up and taken advantage of by my husband. He will not hear me no matter how I try to talk to him or not talk to him. No matter what I do, the result is always the same. I never feel good enough because there is a constant air of judgment and criticism coming from him on every subject.
It’s sad because I would do anything to improve our marriage and he refuses to do the same. I feel he blocks every attempt for it to improve but why? I don’t get it. Sometimes it feels the more I forgive and submit, the more he treats me like crap. Yet, if I confront the issues head on there is a lot of fighting -yes, he will act more considerate after the argument but only briefly. Then we are back to square one and the cycle repeats.
Nobody knows the answer to all of our unique, separate situations but the Lord. I continually seek His guidance and wrestle with knowing what he wants for me and my family. I pray for all who find themselves in a marriage that is a source of such pain.
(USA) That is an Abuser. My husband was the same way. The truth is, he didn’t want me just didn’t want anyone else to have me and he carried on in his heart with everything he looked at all the while believing he was saved.
Submit means to agree with; Christ said we are to submit one to another in the Body of Christ. So many religions have been built on wives submitting to their husbands and it’s no coincidence, the devil likes it that way. When a man loves and respects his wife, the way Jesus does His bride -the body of believers -he is on top of the world. The devil is hard at work ripping marriages/families apart, that’s all he can do to hurt God and the marriage/family/kids are God’s most perfect of creations. We all reap what we sow.
(US) Reading many of the comments I’m struck with how much this venue is used to complain about one’s spouse. I think we must all remember in marriage we become one flesh with our spouse. So if we speak ill of them we speak ill of ourselves. Also I would remind all that if in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most to be pitied. We obey scripture not because of gain we may get from this life, but out of gratitude for forgiveness of our sins. The only discussion appropriate then is whether it is God’s will or not. Anything else comes from selfishness and forgetting that we all deserve to condemned.
If your husband doesn’t want you to wear heels what’s the big deal? A husband who abuses his wife in word or deed is not loving her as Christ loved the church. One is not acquitted of our own responsibilities by another’s sin. Above all let whatever we do be done in love.
(USA) This is very well written. My husband and I have been married almost 20 years. In the beginning of our marriage I tried very hard to be a submissive wife, without truly understanding what that meant. Thankfully over the years and as I have grown as a Christian, I have learned that to submit truly does have to be of my own will. If I expect my husband to make me submit, we are both miserable. When I submit freely, we are both happy.
I feel cared for and loved by him and I know I can trust him completely. The difficult part is remembering to come to him with all things and not be resentful about it at times. However, when my attitude is right everything falls into place. My willing submission is truly what is best for our marriage.
Greetings, You make a good point in your article. I wish it was that easy for me. Please allow me to paint you a picture. Before we married we were involved sexually and when she fell pregnant I married her. Not sure if it was out of shame for my family and my reputation in church, yes we married. Before we married, when she found out that she was pregnant she wanted to argot the child and I promised to stick with her through everything, even took the child away from her so she could study. The abortion did not work. I prayed that night like I have never prayed and the baby survived. She is 17 years this year.
Now from the onset I have felt like she doesn’t trust me when I tell her my intentions that with some of the problems we have I can say it’s because she won’t submit. She can disagree all she wants but if submission is her agreeing with me it’s not what I want. She will not agree, she does not agree to my thinking about everything. That’s too general I wish I could explain it but I will have to write a book to explain it.
What your article hasn’t done is explain for me what is submitting. I know I love her. I have proved on a number of instances that I love her. I will do anything for her. I will let her choose her direction in life. But she will not support me when I decide on following a path.
It is a global weapon “submission”… it is a weapon of oppression on women globally. It creates a a difference between men and women than their similarities. It makes men selfish and have their way like old times. It is highly overated than love itself. It is not Jesus like, because Jesus has the power to make choices even in God, submission ordinarily holds has no power of choice; it is a weapon of slavery. It is a weapon of oppression, a weapon of dark ages people use it to get what they want it. Is pervasive, it is also from the pit of hell demons want submission at all cost.
Many marriages today are still struggling to overcome it. It promotess ego tripping for men. It has turned men into monsters, insensitive creatures, and self centered. Most preachers are men so they keep this campaign at the pulpit and use human minds. It victimizes women. The moment women marry or date it gives them crazy mood swing; they are never happy. It’s like high and low. It’s very subjective to them because of the marital benefits that throws their happiness off the window.
Men enjoy this because they see it as a privilege over women. Women see themselve as powerless because they need to have a good outlook and benefits in relationships, yet they are victims. They apologize for everything. They are afraid to be opinionated because they don’t want it to be seen as an imposition. Even when they are having a sense of identiity they deliberately lose it because they have being brainwashed. You marry who you choose. How come you choose who you submit to when submission lacks the power of choice? Then you become the prey and he the predator.
Are you suprised am blunt? If someone isn’t submitting to me that’s not the golden rule. Love your enemies. How come when am exploiting people cause they have no choice? It’s because their need made them? Submission to God should surpass that of a man. Stop exploiting these poor women with gospel. Religion is not the way out. Love is the way. Please don’t submit to anything I say. Make a choice and believe that the God has established righteouness and he wants to make us one with him. It’s an invitation to a big supper. If you love the Lord you will know that doing what he wants for you but he has given you the power of choice. Yet everything is within the righteousness within him just for you.
God isn’t about himself or just obedience. He is a God of righteousness. If anyone is crazy about submission ask him if he loves to obey God by doing what is right, not just following any god. Then tell him that Love is greater than submission because God is love. Submission to love is voluntary, while submission to evil and the lies the devil tells us for the weak you either make the choice for good or evil and even within it. Do things out of love and righteousness. submission is a weak way of approaching God. It means following directions from God. Yet I will ask who are you following his or her instinct, is it God or man, what are you submiiting to? Love or rules, what is man that you should trust him? Why trust God with a man instead of God for God?
Why believe your pastor than read the bible? Why use the Bible as a weapon to sin?What kind of God do you serve? Do you have an identity? Who told you not to declare what you want? What are your rights and priviledges in Christ? Who took your power of choice and sense of ownership? Why do we serve God, if you are just submitting without having those things am asking you can as well submit to other gods, because they all have rules they expect you to follow? If you don’t know why you serve God, all this religified people will brainwash you to keep their power over you.
Love thy neighbour as thyself… who is that thyself? Are you still lost? Get off this page quickly and find yourself first so that Christ can walk with you. He is not a glory thief; he shares it with his children without taking their sense of belonging or privileges. I obey God because he is right and he lives in righteousness, not because I have to do so. What about you? Are you just a subject? If you are just one you can as well be my subject anytime. This isn’t who you are. Weigh your actions, and what you follow, and what values they have. God does not do things like men.