Are you suffering from physical abuse? If you are, please pray, read, and glean through the following info. This is not a “one-size-fits-all” situation. Prayerfully proceed. But:
Let me begin by saying that I cannot think of a circumstance in a marriage or family that could justify abuse of any kind. That includes physical abuse, emotional, mental, or sexual abuse. Abusive behavior was never and can never be a part of God’s plan for a marriage or a family.
For the sake of clarity, I’m going to limit this answer to physical abuse. And by this I mean assaulting, threatening, or restraining a person through force. It would include hitting, slapping, punching, beating, grabbing, shoving, biting, kicking, pulling hair, burning, using or threatening the use of weapons, blocking you from leaving a room or the house during an argument, driving recklessly, or intimidating you with threatening gestures…
That’s the first few paragraphs of an article written by Dennis Rainey and Leslie Barner, posted on FamilyLife.com. Dennis and Leslie give a lot of great insights within this article.
We recommend you read it by clicking onto the link web site link below to learn:
• HOW TO RESPOND TO PHYSICAL ABUSE
— ALSO, Concerning Physical Abuse —
Here is another great article that can clear up some of the myths about how you should respond to abuse. It can help to clear up some of the misconceptions spouses and others can have. They are truly worth your time to read them. We believe there is something within this article for everyone to learn. Please read:
• 4 MYTHS ABOUT RESPONDING TO SPOUSAL ABUSE
Additionally, you will find below two blogs that are written by Leslie Vernick. Leslie specializes in abuse situations within relationships. As she says:
“Good relationships are so crucial for our emotional and mental health. An old Jewish proverb wisely states, ‘Sticks in a bundle are not easily broken, sticks alone can be broken by a child.’ We all need loving connection, but for many individuals instead of love and safety, they experience abuse.”
These articles approach physical violence in different ways. We believe you will find the information to be insightful as she poses questions, and then gives her responses. This first blog gives you scriptural references to read and then prayerfully consider as you look at:
• A BIBLICAL RESPONSE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
And then this next blog, written by Leslie Vernick, is a bit different. In it, she shares the advice, which was given to her by a former abuser on this matter of how to respond to physical abuse.
In this article Edmund Burke’s statement is highlighted, “All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men (or women) do nothing.” This is something to prayerfully consider. After reading this article and the others, what would God have you do?
Again, please pray, read, glean, and use what you believe God would have you pertaining to:
• AN ABUSERS RESPONSE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
My fiancé fights with me. When he gets angry or when we go for walks he twists my wrist when I try to leave or blocks me from walking by standing in front of me threatening to leave me. But I won’t leave him so what do I do? He goes through my phone. Even when I tell him not to get on my phone he does it anyway. I don’t go through his phone or stay in a room for a long time with the phone.
He gets angrier when I try to defect or stand up for myself. I don’t know what to do because I won’t leave him. I love him too much.
If you won’t leave him, then realize that you haven’t seen anything yet as far as how abusive and controlling this relationship will get in the future, if you marry (even if you don’t marry). This is just a sip of a whole lot of crap you will have to swallow later… not to mention how dangerous it could get. A “simple” twist of the wrists, threats, in your face defiance will be nothing compared to what you’ll have in store coming in the future.
I can’t even START to tell you how many emails and comments we receive and the eventual horror stories that develop in the lives of those who have said the same thing as you. “Love” is good and dandy at this stage, but if you allow this type of behavior to go on saying you’ll never leave… then I’m telling you that your “love” and commitment will eventually die a dangerous and toxic death. I’m just warning you.
I recommend you talk to an abuse center and see what they have to say to you concerning the unhealthy behavior that’s already going on –what they would recommend, if you’re brave enough. Your sanity and life in the future may depend upon it.
My name is Samantha. I got married 3 years ago to whom I thought was my Prince Charming. I thought he was absolutely perfect! We are both young. Within the three years we’ve had two children, one who is 2 years old and the other who is 1. We all live together with my husband’s parents so it’s pretty crowded.
My husband has put his hands on me many times throughout these years and it’s getting worse. He does it in front of our kids. I don’t fight back. I just take it… He calls me horrible names. Cusses me out daily and physically abuses me 4-8 times a week I’d say. I never thought I’d be with a man who abuses me. I’m not even sure I love him anymore. He’s turned out to be a monster and I’m honestly scared of him and what he is capable of at this point.
I put my kids first and I want the very best for them. I want them to have a happy and fun life and a wonderful childhood. I’m almost 20. My family has pretty much disowned me (except for my dad and grandmother) because I’m with him. They don’t know what’s going on. My husbands family does know. They don’t really care. I just feel so alone. I’ve never felt so alone.
I am a Christian. I love God with all of my heart. I pray so hard for answers… Signs. I just need something, some kind of input. I’m scared, lonely, and beyond heartbroken that the man I had children with and married turned out to be this way. He has anger issues. And he takes it out on me. He says it’s “my attitude” or I didn’t do this right or that right. Someone please help. I need advice now more than ever.
I left my comment before I read yours and it sounds similar. I really hope you find help. I know what your going through; it’s hard. I really hope things get better. I wish I knew what to do. God bless you! I’m going to pray for you!
I actually don’t know what to say; I don’t know what to do. I have a five year old and a one year old. My husband has started abusing me since I was pregnant with my youngest. He says he’s sorry and that it won’t happen again. But it does and it scares me because he really hurts me. The first time when I was pregnant he grabbed me a shook me and gradually he’s hurt me more and more. He has thrown me, slammed my head against the floor repeatedly, kicked, and now punches me. He pushed me in the face last night. I have no time to even think of what to do because we start taking care of our kids and things go back to normal. And then the same thing happens again.
I want him to go so I don’t have to put my kids through leaving. I fear for our safety. I don’t even really have time to write this comment. But I haven’t talked about this since it started to anyone except my husband. My husband wants to stay. He won’t leave. I want it to get better but how? It’s getting worse.
My kids childhood and lives are the most important thing, their safety and health and happiness. I really wish I knew what to do. He changes and I don’t know what he’ll do next. I want help but I don’t want to leave my email because he uses it.
Hi, Please help me with my situation. I’m married on 2007. I have two girls. One is 4 yrs and other one is 2 years. My husband always is supportive blindly to his parents, even if they do wrong. He never ask them anything but they treat me as garbage. So they all three (My hubby and his mom and dad) fight with me, make me cry, they don’t let me go out for shopping, to my sister’s house or to my parent’s house. If I ask anything about this, my hubby says yes my parents are right. You listen to my parents and stay in home.
I’m not sharing these things to my parents. Always I work in home but I do it happily. Why my hubby don’t understand me. No freedom, no respect, he slaps me, pushes me down and shouts.
Now we are in another country because of my hubby’s job. We’re away from his parent but he still talks about his parents and fights with me. I asked him to leave me and stay with his parent but he is saying, he wants to torture me!! Why is this? How to deal with this psycho man?
I need help…Me and my husband have been married for over a year now and have a four month old baby. My husband has always been verbally abusive to me; he has alway belittled me. During my pregnancy and just after, I responded to he’s demeaning words with slapping him or getting so angry to push him. But after I was over my postpartum depression and helped my hypothyroidism, I was getting better at handling things. He used to watch porn and I was sane enough to finally come up with a way to make him stop and didn’t just sit there and cry.
Well, we’ve been fine for awhile but recently he’s been running me into the ground by asking me to do everything. We’ve been trying to move so I’ve been packing, looking for a place, run my painting business and take care of our baby. Its been really hard but I was okay with it. Even with all that he got mad at me two day’s ago for saying I don’t trust anyone to watch our baby right now and he got SO angry with me. We started fighting and I needed to leave cause with all that stress I didn’t need this too. He got mad I was leaving and as he tried to get me to stay he busted my lip and tried to break the window in my truck as I drove away.
I came back after 45 minutes or so and he was still ready to fight. We started yelling at each other and he poked my face so I pushed his hand away, then he grabbed my face so tight it really hurt so I tried kicking him off and he knocked me out by punching me multiple times. I never touched him first, after I was better from pregnancy I promised to never hit him again. Well he went to jail and I went to the ER. I don’t know what to think and I don’t know what to do. His family is saying he didn’t mean it and my family is saying it’d be dumb for me to forgive him for this.
Don’t do it. These things happen for a reason. To show you when enough is enough. Otherwise it wouldn’t have escalated that far. What if he had killed you ?
My husband always gets angry if I say the slightest of complaints about his mother and sister, although they are valid complaints. I stopped doing so yet I get my hair pulled and slapped hard across my face many times on behalf of his mother and sister saying that I have abused them when I don’t even live with those women or interact with those women.
I don’t understand why he comes visits me all the way to my parents home and then slaps me during arguments that don’t even involve his family saying that I deserve a divorce or death or God’s curse and I’m slapped on my face for their sake. I neither interfere in those women’s lives nor do I even meet them or talk to them or about them to anyone. Yet I’m beaten black and blue for their sakes.
After 9 years of being together and married for 4 of those years, he had an affair about a year ago and we have been fighting a lot. Since all the hurt and betrayal it has left me angry, some times he says the most horrible things to me and I lose it. I’ve hit him and he has always been a gentleman never touched me until recently – he choked me twice. I don’t Know what to do. Am I in an abusive relationship?
Hi. I’m also in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend has been abusive since the beginning of our relationship. At first, it was just verbal. Name calling and what not. He kept accusing me of sleeping around which I was not doing. Then one day he just threw me across the room and it’s been like that ever since. He will pull me by the hair and throw me around. He leaves bruises on my body. He’s punched me in my ribs. He’s kicked me in the mouth. He’s choked me multiple times. He is very hot headed and I don’t know how to control him. After the abuse I’ll usually sit in the shower and cry and he will come in and tell me how sorry he is and that it’ll never happen again and it always happens again. I love him but I’m scared of him. I tried to leave him once and he got so upset. I keep planning to leave without telling him but I always change my mind because I’m scared of being alone.
Please, please, please quietly go to or contact an abuse center. The city you’re located in MUST have abuse centers. You truly need help. At least go and listen to what they have to tell you and make your decisions from there. They have experience in this type of situation and can help you. You may be scared of being alone, but there are worse things –like being dead or seriously injured, permanently. You may not think that would happen, but as the abuse center can tell you, it happens all the time –people who minimized the seriousness of it, later regretted it to the end, and then it was too late.
The way this is escalating, I’m VERY concerned that will happen to you someday… and most likely soon. This guy will never change UNLESS something forces him to change or he goes to someone to help him to change. He can’t do this on his own, which is obvious. If he could, he would have done it by now. His regrets and promises are empty, unless he is willing to get the help he needs. This type of abusive behavior will only get worse. Please read the other articles and quotes on this web site in the Abuse topic, plus the ones we link to, and you will see that truth.
You need people who can counsel and help you through this. It’s a free service… just ask for the help. Kylie, you are worth more than this. You don’t deserve to be anyone’s punching bag –verbally or physically. God never created you for this. Please take this seriously. This could be a turning point in his life and yours to turn things in a positive direction with the help they can give you. But first, inquire alone so they can give you a good strategy on how to approach him later. We will be praying for you, as will many others who come to this web site and read your post. People do care what happens to you. And so does God. We don’t think it was by “chance” that you came to this web site. We believe God lead you, and wants you to go further in getting the help you need, before it’s too late. We hope you will.
Hi, I have been married for one year and my husband abuses me physically/verbally. My husband’s ex told me that while he was planning to marry me, he was forcing her to marry him or he will cut his hand’s vein. (I feel like I came in between them. While marrying him I thought it was a love marriage but I don’t feel love anymore.) When I confronted him he totally denied and started abusing me. I was standing in front of him and crying and asking him to tell me the truth as I was in lots of pain and he was lying on sofa and saying go away, stop acting, drama queen etc.
He uses many bad words for me and my family. He doesn’t even care when I cry. He calls me a drama queen. He says I am nothing in front of him. He treats me very badly. I always try not to express my emotions through tears but couldn’t control. I am very sad. I can’t even tell my parents as he was my choice. He says if you don’t want to live with me then ask your father to book your ticket and go.
I can’t discuss this with anyone. He talks very rudely. I am scared of living with him but I don’t show him. I don’t know what to do. I am from India and living in the U.S. with my husband. I feel very lonely here. I can’t even go back to my parents as I don’t want to trouble them.
My husband loves me. He provides and gives everything that I want. But whenever we argue or sometimes he will annoy me and I start to raise my voice or shout at him, he will just lash out and threaten me. Just today, we argued and I shouted at him. He said He feels disrespected whenever I shout at him so he hit me 5 times. He says I bring out the worst in him. He warned me that if I keep on shouting at him he will hit me but I didnt stop. So I feel that it is my fault.
The fact that someone hits you is NEVER your fault. Remember who you are and don’t let anybody play mind games to manipulate you. I wish you the best.
I am under 30 and am engaged to a man that physically and verbally abuses me when he is upset, regardless of who is at fault or what the reasoning is. This is on me though. I am a fool. I dated this man a few years ago and we had a brutal breakup because the physical abuse turned into death threats. He also threatened to send nasty messages to my parents and family (about our sex life, etc.) if I broke up with him. With some help, I left and was stronger than ever. He ended up sending messages with rude/derogatory comments about me to my family and friends. But with the support of good friends, I got through it.
A few years later, I met him again and he had appeared to be so different. He apparently “sought help” for his behavior. Before you knew it, we were engaged, bought a house together, and are now planning our wedding. When I got back with him, my entire family and friends questioned me, some friends don’t even talk to me because they feel so disrespected. I am a fool. Years later, I wish I had listened. Everyday I hide behind a happy smile because I would be so, so, so, so, so unbelievably embarrassed if I leave now. I can’t. He would put me through this whole mess again – death threats. Embarrassing comments to all of my family and friends. These are things the police cannot prevent. No one can prevent him from publicly humiliating me and shaming me – again. He made it clear once before that he would ruin my life and he will do it again.
I cry almost everyday alone in the shower. I have yet to tell a soul that he now again (like before) hits me when he’s angry. Or kicks me. He swears at me almost everyday. Tells me I’m worthless without him. Useless. Calls me names. Shames me. Also will tell me that he can’t live without me. If I die, he dies. He hasn’t changed. I was and am a fool. I am a failure. How could I have been so blind? Now, I am engaged and I cry in the shower almost everyday. I cry when I am alone driving. I am so ashamed of myself. I have made some impressive academic and work achievements, yet how can I fail so greatly at my personal and love life?
I haven’t told a soul that he physically and verbally abuses me. Not one. I hold it in and I almost can’t believe how humans can feel such pain and still be alive. I almost feel like I might faint or pass out just from crying so hard. I am so sad and so scared to marry this man. I try to “mother” him by explaining that he needs to control his temper. I try to teach him that, it’s okay to be upset. We can disagree without yelling. I feel like a mother crying at her son to stop abusing her and to act like a gentleman. I feel broken. This is my first time since our engagement that I am opening up.
Omg!!! There are services here in Canada for you, my dear!!! Please use them, and use them tomorrow morning! Call Barbra Schlifer clinic. They will help you. I will pray for you! There is no shame in leaving the guy, and people who truly care for you will understand, trust me! If they don’t, they should read up on the cycles of abuse! I truly hope you can leave safely. Also, you really know you are WORTHY of kind and gentle love. This is the absolute truth. You were brave enough to share, and you will be brave enough to get out!
We’re SO sorry that you find yourself in this place. Please, please, please look for and find the help you need. These types of actions almost always escalate and get worse (especially after marriage, because often the abuser gains an added entitlement attitude –as if you are property, rather than a living, breathing person). Also, please tell someone. Tell more than one safe person if you can. Two of the ways that an abuser gains even more power is by making their victim feel like they are the one who is inferior and wrong, and also through isolation. Evil can be better done in secrecy, darkness, and isolation.
Please read further in the “Abuse in Marriage” topic (even though you aren’t married) because you will find many tips included in it to help you to better protect yourself. Also, the following page has links to other ministries and organizations that can give you additional information that you desperately need: https://marriagemissions.com/about-us-2/abuse-in-marriage-links-and-resource-descriptions/. Please don’t look the other way. This not something that will go away, but will only get worse. A horrible line has been crossed by your fiancé and you need insight and help how to get out of this toxic situation. This could be a matter of life and death, or at the very least, permanent damage emotionally as well as physically. I hope and pray you will glean through the info we give here, and go beyond to get the help needed.
I’m in an abusive relationship too. I think I’m the abuser. I feel like he deliberately pushes my buttons hoping I’ll explode so he can leave. Today he said I had an attitude. I said I didn’t. Then he decided to tell me that we are in a toxic relationship. He said I blocked the door two weeks ago but I really didn’t it’s been 6 weeks since I did it. So I stood up and was putting my finger in his face talking and he snatched my glasses off and pushed me in the face so I bit his fingers and he punched me in the eye area. I think it’s over. Why do I let him get to me so mad? I just left the house.
Hi, I’m married for 6 months now. We met each other 5 months before getting married. My husband hit me 4 times but I never took any action except not talking to him. But the fifth time I left the country and I went to my parents house. I love him but I really felt so bad every time he hits me. I said to him that I’m not a girl that will respond by hitting you or say words could hurt you, so I asked him to stop but he didn’t.
The forth time he hit me because he doesn’t work and he thinks that I’m cheating on him but I don’t and I will never do that coz I’m too nice to do something bad for anyone but it sounds like he doesn’t know me at all.
My concern now is what shall I do? Shall I ask for a divorce? Or give him one more chance coz this time I left the house and I left the whole country and I told everyone about it. His parents, even my parents thanks so much hope you can help me.
Hi Marwa. I also had the same situation. You better give him one chance. Once you allow him to beat you, then he never will stop. So, tell him clearly again with courage. Don’t be a loser.
Hi, I need your advice… I’m in a totally depressed condition. My husband beats me and slaps me continuously. My two earrings get damaged and my ears too. I got married two years ago. We have one girl baby. We have no understanding from the start of my marriage because he loves his sister more than any other in the world. At the same his sister also doesn’t want to allow my husband to be happy talking and sharing. She always interferes in my life.
The first time after two days of marriage we locked the door to look at photo albums. She got irritated and went her to her home to cry loudly and act like she was dizzy. My husband’s mother knocked on the door heavily den final reason she wants to spend time with her… like that happens in middle of the night also. She always sends her photos to my husband. She also got married..and other he allows me to my home first actually v live in aboard in some vacation v went to our native place.
My mom home and my husband near 15 min to travel. In pregnancy I was vomiting a lot so I couldn’t manage it alone so I went to my native place in month four. My mother in law’s mother and father stay joined family. That old lady always talking worse she don’t like. She always insults my family background and my looks. My husband and his mother keep calm while that old lady speaks. She said do all the work we are not servants for you. I cried a lot and called my father and he came warning all. But they never stop falks. My husband returned back to his work.
I can’t manage alone so I want to go to my home. But he never allows me to go home. He never understands my situation that I continue vomiting and am restless. How I do work? My husband beats me, slap me worse while I am pregnant. But my sister in law always stays at her mom’s home. Five months after delivery this problem comes to burst. I asked him to go my home but he refuses. I was totally tense then I said I would go on own and I asked why your sister stays long like that. I feel like going to my home.
Then after saying his sister’s name he slaps me continually and gets more angry. I called my father and told him I can’t tolerate his beatings. Then there was a big fight between us. He always wants to stay with his sister and is daily calling two times on the phone. Suppose one day my husband forgets to call, she creates a big scene like fever with the voice support of my mother in law.
My husband grabbedy wrist and squeezed it as hard as he could because I didn’t want to eat something he wanted to.
I have a problem. My husband and I have been arguing the last day or so and it escalated when I got home from work. I only work part time. He said why don’t you quit? We have 19 month year old. I say we need money. He then gets mad and says I guess I’ll get my own laundry. I say shut up. He throws laundry basket at me. I say why do you do that? For then he says if I come near him he’s going to beat me. Now hes 6 foot 2 and I’m 5 5. And it doesn’t seem like hes kidding. I actually feel afraid of him; Should I leave or should I take my kid? Should I tell his parents? I’m thinking about driving there now. I won’t stay in a relationship where I’m afriad. I might have been moody alot. Pressures are too much lately.