If you’re having a “problem” where your husband has abused you, and your child, the article below is one you should read. It starts out with someone who wrote the following note, and question:
PROBLEM:
“I was for 3 years married to a military man. He was violent and abusive after I became pregnant with our first child. He was forever dropping our infant on furniture shaking her, etc. I have since left him (returned home with my family) and filed for divorce. Is this wrong?
“In God’s eyes can I ever remarry? I feel I did what was in the best interest of my little girl. But I need a little biblical insight.
“Thank you.”
To read the answer to the above problem, please click onto the web site link below to read the following article written by Lynette Hoy (and other articles she makes available):
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILD ABUSE?
— ALSO —
Here is another question, that is answered in a linked article below it:
Question:
Dear Jolene, I attended a church many years ago that taught some things I still wrestle with: I know God frowns upon divorce, but what does the Bible say about getting out of abusive relationships? Regardless of the abuse (physical, mental, emotional,) the above mentioned church taught that you stuck it out, “If God wanted you out of the marriage, you would not survive the beatings”.
My sister is currently going through a divorce from a man who has been abusive to her and my nephew for a number of years. In the case of physical abuse, what does the Bible have to say?
Also, I recently read a book that backed up some other church teachings on sex. I understand that the Bible says our spouse is to have access to our bodies and to refuse our spouse is a sin (because of this there is no such thing as “marital rape”). Could you shed some light on this? (email has been edited)
To read Jolene Engle’s answer, please click onto:
• WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ABUSE
May God help you as you look for answers on how to deal with this most horrible problem!
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “join the discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
(CANADA) Hi, I feel so sorry about your situation. The Bible does say that a married woman should dwell with her husband if he is agreeable even if he is an unbeliever and she is a believer. The only two places where it speaks about freedom from a marriage are adultery and desertion. If a married woman needs to leave her husband (due to exteme cruelty or to protect herself or her children) she is to remain single or else make up with her husband.
I, myself was separated from my husband for 2 years but remained single and during that time went to prayer meetings and such and prayed constantly for my marriage and my husband. Four months before we reconcilled he asked the Lord to come into his heart (even though he had grown up in the church and had been baptised as a young adult in his faith) he did not have a real relationship with Jesus. We had not been seeing each other or dating for those 2 years and when the Lord told me it was time to go and talk to him we were re-concilled within 10 days.
That was 16 years ago. We still struggle at times with his temper and lack of respect which has been his weakness but I also have weaknesses in other areas that I have had to work on too, but we are glad we are still together and I have to give God the glory for healing what seemed and impossible situation.
Recently my sister separated from her emotionally abusive husband and is going through a hard time not knowing whether to end the relaitonship and I directed her to site started by a couple from USA that had divorced and remarried. They are Bob and Charlene Steinkamp and they have a website devoted to helping couples who have separated or are in hurting marriages. The site is Rejoice Marriage Ministries and you might want to read some of the testemonies and information. There is even a daily newsletter that Charlene will mail to you if you are wanting support in the meantime while you are dealing with your situation. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. In Kindness, Linda from Saskatoon, Sask. Canada
(IRELAND) I would beg to differ. The Bible is not an unreasonable book because we don’t serve an unreasonable God. If you, being evil, would yearn to set your own daughter (or son as it may be) from a violent relationship, how much more would our Father in heaven?
Paul does say that if an unbeliever departs, let him leave. I say that every time a spouse violates the covenant by failing to nurture or cherish the other person, he or she departs emotionally. Paul says to let that person go and live in peace. Why would God want an abused spouse to remain in a relationship that gives Him no glory? Why would God not deliver an abused spouse and bring wholeness? Why would God want vulnerable children exposed to abuse? The only instance I can think of is when He gives the green light for an exception because He wants to do something great and supernatural. Otherwise, the natural thing is for a continuously abusive relationship, especially those involving the abuse of children, to break up.
If we regarded marriage the way God did, we would not settle for preserving what we call a marriage for the sake of image. In truth, an abusive marriage is hardly a partnership, much less a God-reflecting, covenantal, life-giving relationship we call marriage.
(USA) Linda, I am a Christian wife of a Christian man who recently tried to kill me. Yes, kill me. When we were married 20 years ago, he became very controlling after I became pregnant with our first child. His controlling nature turned into verbal, emotional and financial abuse, then sexual abuse. I tried to leave many times but my husband and his family always coerced me into taking my husband back under the threat that if I did not reconcile, they would have me declared unfit and take my children away from me (my in-laws are multi-millionaires).
I even tried to kill myself in 2006 in order to escape. Now that I had to have him arrested for assaulting me and threatening to kill me I firmly believe that it is NOT the Lord’s will to continue to subject myself to this man’s abuse any longer. I will die if I allow him to return. My children are almost grown and I want their last years at home to be peaceful.
My God is a loving God and no one will ever convince me again that I am supposed to risk mine and my children’s lives in order to stay married.
I will never date or remarry; that is not a problem at all for me. The sexual abuse I endured has destroyed any desire I might have for any future relationship with any man.
(USA) Kim, I am so incredibly sorry you had to endure such an abusive relationship and I admire how you attempted to do what many well meaning Christian woman probably would have done by staying married but even more times a zillion. Grateful he is in custody or at least far away from you and your kids and you away from him where you can live a life full of what God intends for you.
I too have gone through a simular situation and everything felt hopeless and I felt worthless and I often felt isolated and trapped. I am grateful that your attempt at ending the life God gave you failed because you are so special to him and your life matters. God is always ready to forgive you, me, everyone. As I talk to him everyday because I give up trying to live without him I also check myself.
I think about my daughter and how I would feel if she were me because we are daughters of God and he is our parent, best friend, confidant,love. Also your body is a temple (mind body and soul)…it’s worth protecting and the same for your children. I hope that as you and He grow together and if you change your mind and He sees fit He will send you a Real man who walks with God also that will take his marriage vows seriously and not mock God by treating you as an object. God will never deny you of his love; don’t deny yourself of love either.