Language Lessons in Marriage – MM #143

Have you ever taken language lessons? How about language lessons that can help you in your marriage? There is a love language that couples can communicate to each other. It’s one that is extremely important to learn.

“To be successful in marriage you have to learn how to communicate with and without words.” (Dr. Gary Chapman)

Dr. Gary Chapman is one of our favorite authors when it comes to providing a practical, Biblical approach to marriage communication. If you’ve never read his classic, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, published by Moody Press, we feel this is a Must Read for every couple.

So, when we saw the following written by Dr. Chapman, we thought his synopsis of the importance of understanding each other’s Love Language, would be a valuable resource to pass along to you. It’s titled Language Lessons, and was published in a past issue of the Marriage Partnership Magazine:

Important Language Lessons of Love:

After 30 years of marriage counseling, I’m convinced there are five main languages of love. Each person uses all the languages, but really thrives on one. The better you speak your spouse’s love language, the stronger your emotional love life will be. For those unfamiliar with love languages, here’s a brief course:

Words of Affirmation:

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.“ This language uses words to honor and appreciate your spouse. “You look nice in that outfit.” “Thanks for taking out the trash. I really appreciate all the hard work you do.”

Gifts:

A gift says, She was thinking about me. Look what she got for me. Gifts don’t need to be expensive. Haven’t we always said, “It’s the thought that counts?” With gifts, it isn’t what you give, but how often you give that communicates love.

Acts of Service:

The Bible tells us to love not only in word but in action (1 John 3:18). Acts of service include: washing the car, walking the dog, changing the baby, or whatever needs doing.

Quality Time:

This means giving your spouse undivided attention. Maybe it’s a picnic, a weekend away, or just muting the TV. The important thing is the two of you are focused on each other.

Physical Touch:

We’ve long known the emotional power of physical touch. Holding hands; embracing; a back rub; even putting your hand on your mate’s leg while you drive.

So how do you discover your spouse’s love language? Answer the following:

• “How does my spouse most often express love to me?”

If they give you words of affirmation that may be their love language. They’re giving you what they wish to receive.

• “What does my spouse complain about most often?”

Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. Suzanne complained, “We don’t have time for each other. We don’t talk.” Quality Time was her love language.

• “What does my spouse request most often?”

If your spouse routinely asks, “Would you help me make the bed?” “Would you give the children a bath tonight?” then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.

You need 3 things to be a successful in expressing your love to your spouse:

1. Information. What is your spouse’s love language?

2.  Will. Love is an active choice.

3.  Frequency. Use your spouse’s primary language to express love regularly.

For additional articles, such as this one (this is only a portion of a whole article), visit the Marriage and Family section on the Today’s Christian Woman web site. They have many wonderful articles posted. It’s a great ministry!

When Cindy and I first employed Dr. Chapman’s principles of the Five Love Languages in our marriage it revolutionized our understanding of each other. This is a great tool. We strongly suggest you learn them and use them.

Keep in mind, “When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.” Express your love in sacrificial ways as Christ does. If you do, we know God will smile upon all you do.

Steve and Cindy Wright

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