Have you ever felt like you have used up the end of your reserves and you are totally exhausted? That’s what we’re feeling. We’ve had our sons, daughter-in-laws, and grandkids visiting and staying in our home for the past 2+ months. The last of our grown “kids” just left. We’re feeling totally spent. We’ve had a GREAT time with them and will miss them terribly. But we sure are tired.
Despite the fun, all of this “togetherness” involved a lot of work. For this reason, we feel like we just ran a marathon race. And now we need to do what it takes get plugged back into our “normal” busy life and ministries again.
When We’re Exhausted
But for now, we’re just trying to handle this tiredness in godly ways. May the Lord help us to do this! From past experience we know tiredness makes us vulnerable to doing and saying things we shouldn’t. Have you been there? We sure have! And it is not something we want to fall into again, if we can help it. And I/we believe we can.
So, on this subject of exhaustion, here are a few tips we learned that might help you. This will also help us to remember what we already know. Here they are:
• “Be on the alert” when you and/or your spouse is exhausted.
It’s helpful just being aware of how tiredness can cause problems. This isn’t a time to tackle projects, disputes, or important issues.
• Keep in mind the H.A.L.T. Principle.
Make sure that you don’t approach important topics during a time when you should H.A.L.T. This would be a time when either of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. There’s more vulnerability to be less tolerant during those times.
• Give each other grace and space when you’re exhausted.
Extend grace to your spouse. He or she needs and wants grace, just as you need and want grace. Give that, which God gives to you.
• Be kind.
I know this sounds simplistic. I admit that it is. But we often forget, or feel we don’t have the time to be kind when we’re busy. As a result, we gruffly mow right over our spouse and loved ones. We act out in ways that we would NEVER consider doing to strangers. Yet somehow we allow ourselves to do this to our family. Remember, “Love is kind.” Exhaustion isn’t an excuse for being unkind.
• If you’re too busy to be kind, then you’re too busy.
We all go through seasons of busyness. However, if you are on one long season of busyness, and you are being unkind, then something might need to change. It’s no wonder that you and/or your spouse is exhausted! Ask the Lord to show you what you can let go of, that will give you some breathing space. Just because we can do something, it doesn’t mean that we should. If we’re too busy to be kind, then we probably need to do less. Ask the Lord how we can cut back. I’ve found He is very faithful in giving this wisdom when we ask.
• Go to the Lord for help on how to put breathing space into your busy, busy schedule.
Keep in mind what Jesus said, as recorded in Matthew 11:28-29. He said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.“
• When it’s possible, rest and sleep!
God encourages rest for a reason. He knows the importance of rest. Here’s something Pastor Rick Warren said on this issue. It was written in an article titled, God’s Remedy For The Exhausted:
“The most common cause of discouragement is physical and emotional exhaustion. Things look worse when you’re tired. Vince Lombardi said, ‘Fatigue makes cowards of all of us.’ When you’re tired, you lose your confidence. It’s that simple. What’s the remedy? It doesn’t take rocket science to figure this out. The remedy for physical and emotional exhaustion — and the confidence drain it can be — is rest!
“Psalm 127:2 says, ‘God wants His loved ones to get their proper rest’ (TLB). Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to sleep. It’s amazing how much better things look after you’ve had a good night’s sleep. You’ll never be at your best if you’re not getting rest.”
We hope this helps in some way… Because of our tiredness, we’re going to bed now. ☺
Cindy and Steve Wright
Filed under: Marriage Insights
Cindy & Steve, We often are exhausted at the end of a long day, having expended all of our energy. But we always look forward to falling into bed together at a time approaching midnight and cuddling up to hold each other as we both fall asleep. It’s like a sweet oasis for us at the end of the day. No energy left, few words to be spoken, just a special time to be close as our time of rest and renewal begins.
Totally agree! Steve said that’s his favorite time of day — me too! The cuddling time is such a bonding experience for us (along with other intimate times :) Thanks for sharing.
No one said life or marriage is easy, but if you are not careful it will get harder as you get older. Neither me nor my wife are ‘rocket scientists’ so we don’t have a lot of income. I was raised poor, and it is hard to get out of that ‘mold’. Our incomes maxed out but the cost of life does not. We have good jobs but the pay is not great. Finding a job when you are over ’50 is not easy. A company can pay a 20+ year old 1/2 as much and will not have aching knees and hurting back. ‘Affordable housing’ sometimes will eventually turn less than desirable. Then you want a better place to live so cost of shelter goes up.
So in your 30’s life was pretty good. When you hit your 50’s, you want to move because the neighborhood is declining, family is spread around a couple of states, you are competing with 30 year olds at work, your knees and back hurt from working so hard, marriage is stressed, and life can be a little tough…