The problem with love is that so many people don’t have a clue what it is. Love is NOT a feeling. It’s an ATTITUDE. Basing love on emotions, as the world does, has caused immeasurable pain to numbers of couples. It’s like building a sand castle on the beach. It might look solid. But when the high tide rolls in, the sand castle isn’t strong enough to hold up, and it washes away. That’s why it’s important that we are loving our spouse the same as Christ does.
Feelings come and go.
We all experience a wide array of emotions on any given day. Obviously, basing any human relationship strictly on feelings is asking for trouble. Parents who love their children only when the mood hits them are poor parents. A friend who remains loyal only until a better offer comes along isn’t much of a friend. A husband who deserts his wife and children because he finds another woman more attractive has missed the point of marriage.
The world gives love a staggering amount of attention. Movies, songs, and books about love generate billions of dollars in revenue. The problem is love is presented as something to be “fallen into” and “fallen out of.” There’s no solution given for what to do when the emotion fails you and the warm fuzzies are gone —other than bailing out and starting over with someone else. You can recognize worldly love by how unpredictable it is.
The Bible offers a different kind of love.
This love says I’m committed to act lovingly toward this person regardless of how I feel. You’ll be able to recognize biblical love. It’s patient, unselfish, and loyal. It doesn’t keep score, nor assume the best motives. In addition, it gives without seeking in return, and always seeks to honor God. It endures through thick, and thin, and in-between. Feelings change. Feelings don’t last, but Biblical Love is eternal.
LOVING THE SAME
There’s a difference between God’s love and the love that the world knows. If we aren’t careful, Christians can begin to adopt the world’s way of loving instead of God’s. The world says love is a feeling. When you stop feeling love for someone, it means you no longer love him or her. The world encourages you to love the lovable but gives you permission to hate your enemies. Jesus said loving those who love you is no great feat; it’s loving your enemies that prove you are a loving person (Matthew 5:46).
Jesus commanded those who wanted to be his disciples to follow HIS standard for loving people rather than the world’s standard. Jesus directs us to love others in the same way he loves us. When Jesus saw us hopelessly enslaved to sin, he didn’t say, “I don’t feel like dying on a cross for them. I think I’ll wait until the feeling comes.” He didn’t say, “I’ve tried and tried to love them but they always reject me. I give up!”
Jesus Loves Despite Our Rejecting Him
Jesus saw that without him we would perish. And He acted lovingly toward us despite our rejecting Him. His love didn’t depend on what we did to deserve it, or even on whether we accepted it. Jesus freely and unconditionally gave us his love.
This is how God wants us to love our spouses. It’s not with strings attached, as the world loves. He doesn’t love as long as they’re lovable. And He doesn’t just love as long as they appreciate it. God wants us to give our love freely and unconditionally. Only God can help us to love people in this way [and that includes your spouse].
These writings are adapted from The Experience: Day by Day with God: A Devotional and Journal. Henry and Richard Blackaby wrote this wonderful devotional. And Broadman & Holman published it. Although this devotional journal isn’t specifically about marriage it’s an awesome devotional. It’s meant to assist you as you meet daily with God. And it does an excellent job of doing just that!
Filed under: Grow Your Marriage
(USA) I love the article. However, I wonder to myself, when do you draw the line? My husband neglets, rejects and insults me. In addition, he’s the most self centered person, and he’s not trust worthy. He has affairs, I know of three for the past nine years. I have tried to follow the rules but I am I cant take it anymore.
Hello Samantha, I am sorry you are going through all this, I pray God gives you the strength to go through this trying period. Let me share a suggestion that I have shared with others and we have noticed tremendous changes in our marraiges.
First, have you prayed about it? Second are you and your husband born again children of God? Third, do you or your husband hail from a polygamous lineage, that is are any of your parents polygamous? You and your husband need a lot of prayers and probably deliverance if any of you is from a polygamous home. Polygamy comes with dangerous spirits that always tries to pull people of that lineage into polygamy to continue holding them in bondage. Besides hailing from polygamous homes, the Bible says, anyone who sleeps with a prostitute has become one with her, the relationships he has had has opened the door to strange spirits into your marriage,but all this can be handled on your knees, in prayers!
Secondly, you should love your husband more now than ever, hard as it may be; see him just as another sinner who needs the love of Christ to realize his evil ways and repent of them, if you feel nothing but hurt and hatred because of the pain he has caused you, it would be difficult to pray for him. Get your heart healed and love him as Christ loved us even while we were yet sinners. Please I encourage you to read “The power of a praying wife.” You would understand that God answers prayers. Watch “War Room.” Its a movie and also “Fireproof;” these movies saved my marriage when we were passing through fire, all couples do but differently.
As concerns his abusive attitude, avoid confronting him over his unfaithful attitude and pray a lot about it first for direction. Always avoid confronting him when ever you are angry. Most of the time, when people don’t yet have a personal relationship with Jesus or have been in abusive relationships before, it affects their marraiges and make thier spouses suffer.
Please, you both need God more now; marraige is a relationship of two people. It takes both of you to make it work or fail. Without Jesus, you can’t love your spouse as Christ teaches us unconditionally. Get a Christian counselor, to hold your hand and help you go through this very trying period of your marraige. One Secret, all women need to be prayer warriors to keep their homes safe and happy, you too can, and by Gods grace, I believe you would. GOD bless you and He is on your side.