Marriage Connection Points

As the New Year keeps rolling along, a lot of us are looking to start off this year on better footing in our marriage relationships. We want to improve our communication and connect with each other in more meaningful ways. (There’s always room for improvement, even if we have a great marriage.)

It’s a matter of finding little (and big) connection points in our married life together that will help us to more fully “live a life of love” (as we’re told to do in Ephesians 5:1). But in order to do this, we have to get intentional and prioritize and make time for that, which we say is most important to us.

There’s no doubt that before marriage, couples MAKE the time to be together. We sure did. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t have wanted to get married. (And you probably wouldn’t have wanted to marry either.) And yet for many married couples, that same relationship priority gets shoved aside after saying, “I do.” This essentially means, “I won’t” when it comes putting intentional effort into growing their love for each other.

Maintaining Marital Connection

But it’s vitally important to keep our intentionality going after marrying. It’s all a part of taking care of our ongoing relationship. There’s no doubt that:

“It’s a sad state of affairs when we take better care of our cars and houses than we do our marriages. We change the oil, fill the tank, check the tires, and periodically tune up our cars. We change light bulbs, wash windows, paint walls, unplug toilets, and re-roof our houses. But what do we do to maintain our marriage?

The truth is… more damage is done than repairs are made. How important is your marriage? Is it more important to you than your car or your home? Are you willing to put in the time and energy and whatever else it takes to prove to your partner how valuable the relationship truly is to you?” (Dr Steve Stephens, from the book, Marriage: Experiencing the Best)

It comes down to deciding what’s most important and what you can shift around or eliminate to maintain those priorities.

Priorities in Marital Connection

If you want a good marriage, you’ll put the time into it that is needed. Don’t forget your “first love.” MAKE the time to connect with each other. Change one less light bulb or leave a meeting a little earlier. Cut back on one lesser important thing to put in the time in for someone who should be shown that they’re more important.

“Sometimes couples complain that their time is limited because they’re so busy. The good news is that you don’t need to spend enormous amounts of time together to breed closeness and connection. Regular, brief get-togethers work too. Small changes in your schedule can make a huge difference.

“And, whatever you do, don’t leave ‘rendezvousing’ up to chance. You need to plan and schedule dates together. Put these dates in your calendar the same way you would a business appointment. Marriage is serious business.” (Michele Weiner-Davis)

Daily Marriage Connection Points

There are times when Steve and I are running around like chickens with the heads cut off. That might not be a pleasant illustration to envision but it gets the point across that life can get chaotic. But even in that chaos, we’re committed to each other. We MAKE time —at least SOME time to find little connection points to affirm and connect with each other. We then kiss and go off on our separate ways. But at that point we’re more centered in our commitment to each other and to our marriage. Steve is always close in my heart. And my loyalty to him is stronger than ever because of these connection points and he feels the same way.

If we’re not feeling as connected, then we ask the Lord to help us find ways to do so. It’s amazing how the Lord shows us ways to re-connect and restore what the enemy of our faith wants to steal from us —a strong marital bond with Christ in the middle. You can do the same by just asking. But then you have to listen and follow God’s leading.

Some of you have geographically long-distance marriage relationships. And some of you occupy the same home but you’re going through a busy season where you barely see each other. For those of you that can, we urge you, to find ways to change the distance between you. That way it doesn’t take as much effort to keep your marriage alive and vital. But for those of you who can’t, we hope you’ll MAKE the time to talk with your spouse in partnership. Look for connection points. These are points of time in which you can secure the bond you have together.

Daily Connection

The following is something we’re hoping will help you in this mission. It comes from an article titled, “Families Matter —Daily Connection between Spouses” written by Jeff Kemp:

Most husbands and wives will not always get to spend the amount of time with each other that they would like to. But every couple can be intentional about taking the time each day to make special connections with one another. In his book Take Back Your Marriage, author and marriage expert Bill Doherty offers the following “connection rituals” couples can use on a regular basis to restore the strength and intimacy of their marriage:

• Establish a set time every day to talk. Just to check in, with no discussion of money, children, or chores.

• Create a greeting ritual that marks the moment and has meaning for the two of you.

• If you’ve stopped going to bed together regularly, start again.

• Leave an affectionate note for your spouse that has no practical purpose.

• Start dating again. Go out on a spontaneous date or plan one right now.

• Spend more quiet time together without the television on [or other social media interrupting your time together].

• Move the television out of your bedroom.

• Notice something you like about your spouse and share it.

• Take one small step tomorrow toward the marriage you’d like to have this time next year.

Whether you’ve been married for many years, or you just recently said, “I do”, these connection rituals can help your marriage stay fresh, intimate and at the top of your priority list. It’s an investment that will make the excitement of being married remain long after your wedding day.

More Marriage Connection Points

And then, here are a few more tips that give you additional ways you can add to your connection as a married couple, even if you’re busy. That’s because:

“We all have things to do and busy seasons but making couple time is important. It doesn’t have to be a big deal or take a lot of planning. Put your kids to bed ten minutes early and sit on the couch and rub each other’s feet. Get the kids involved in a game and slip away to share a few minutes… When you pass in the hall, hold each other for a quiet moment. Be intentional about connecting and spending time together.” (Laurie Byerly, from the article, “Be Intentional About the Two of You”)

Connection points don’t have to be big ones (although those are nice too). Joanna Teigen gives a few additional suggestions:

“Small efforts are huge in our marriage. Add some ‘always’ traditions to your day, like meeting at the door for a kiss whenever one of you gets home. Make a daily call or text to say ‘I love you’ on your lunch break. Go to bed at the same time every night. Pick up a thoughtful habit, like charging your spouse’s phone or making the morning coffee. Be intentional with lots of compliments and thank-you’s. Put your devices down to give full attention when talking. Pray spontaneously together for the stressors that pop up during the day.” (From the article, “Four Ways to Stay Close When Life Pulls You Apart”)

And if You’d Like Need More Tips:

In addition to the ones listed above, we’ve posted some articles and blogs on our web site that you might also find helpful. You can find them in the topics, Communication and Conflict … Communication Tools … Romantic Ideas … and Assorted Marriage Issues.

And lastly, here’s another “Connection Pointer” that we’ve used most evenings whenever we’ve been away from one another for a period of time. We ask each other the following questions:

– Did anything positive or exciting happen to you today?

– Did anything sad or disappointing happen today?

– What did God show you NEW today?

We hope they help you to grow closer to one another in your marriage, as you spend time together.

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you even further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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