There are millions of takes on what marriage is and isn’t. As an example, here’s something that Ruth Harms Calkin writes, and we agree! “Marriage! It’s rough. It’s tough. It’s work. Anybody who says it isn’t, has never been married. Marriage has far bigger problems than toothpaste squeezed from the middle of the tube.” True, isn’t it? (Stay tuned for more of what this wise woman writes concerning marriage. But we want you to consider a few additional things first.)
One of the things we say repeatedly is that marriage is for grown-ups. It’s not for the faint in heart who aren’t willing to put everything they have into it—more than they ever imagined they would have to! As Gallagher said, “Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do.” And it is.
Here’s something that anyone who marries should know:
“A marriage is not a joining of two worlds, but an abandoning of two worlds in order that one new one might be formed. In this sense, the call to be married bears comparison to Jesus’ advice to the rich young man to sell all his possessions, and to follow Him. It is a vocation to total abandonment. For most people, in fact, marriage is the single most wholehearted step they will ever take toward a fulfillment of Jesus’ command to love one’s neighbor as oneself.” (Mike Mason)
The Rough Tough Marriage
With that said, here are a few more “truisms” that Ruth Harms Calkin says about marriage:
MARRIAGE!
It’s rough. It’s tough. It’s work.
Anybody who says it isn’t
Has never been married.
Marriage has far bigger problems
than toothpaste squeezed
From the middle of the tube.Marriage means. . .
Grappling, aching, struggling.
It means putting up
With personality weaknesses,
Accepting criticism,
And giving each other the freedom to fail.
It means sharing deep feelings
About fear and rejection.
It means turning self-pity into laughter.
And taking a walk to gain control.Marriage means . . .
Gentleness and joy,
Toughness and fortitude
Fairness and forgiveness
And a walloping amount of sacrifice.Marriage means . . .
Learning when to say nothing.
When to keep talking
When to push a little
When to back off.
It means acknowledging
“I can’t be God to you—
I need Him, too.”Marriage means . . .
You are the other part of me
I am the other part of you.
We’ll work through
With never a thought of walking out.Marriage means . . .
Two imperfect mates
Building permanently
Giving totally
In partnership with a perfect God.
Marriage, my love, means us!(From the book, “Love Is So Much More, Lord: A Celebration of Marriage”)
May you continually choose the “us-ness” in your marriage relationship—you, your spouse, and especially God!
Marriage Truths
We hope you will chew on the meaning of all of this for a while and maybe even talk about it together. Here’s another marriage truth to prayerfully digest:
“Marriage is a divine institution, not a mere human invention. Granted, if marriage were no more than a human invention or a social experiment, then different types of marriage could have equal value. But that is not the case. Marriage is God’s creation, and that means that God defines what it is. As human beings, we do not have the right to decide the kind of marital relationship we want— although that doesn’t stop us from trying.” (Dr. Fred Lowery)
We hope all of this helps you concerning the roughness and toughness of marriage that God wants us to take seriously. And through every dip and valley and every mountaintop experience that you encounter in your marriage, “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you even further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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