We’re told in the Bible to be equally yoked to one another. So when you are a follower of Christ, and you consider marrying someone who is not, you set up a difficult situation. You subject yourself to “the ox and mule syndrome.” Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt explain:
To seriously date or to consider marrying a non-Christian is outside the will of God. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?“
The verb “bound together” literally means “unequally yoked.” Paul is recalling the Old Testament command in Deuteronomy 22:10. “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.“
Yoking With a Non-Believer
God forbade yoking together beasts of such diverse sizes and strengths. That is because of the excessive chafing of the yoke would injure both animals. In the same way, Paul says that a binding relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian will be mutually injurous because they are so essentially different.
Of course, some marriages eventually become centered around God when the non-believing spouse later comes to Christ. However, for every instance where an unequally yoked marriage recovers in this way, there are a dozen tragedies. When a true Christian marries a non-Christian, there is almost certainly great suffering ahead. Christians who violate God’s will in this way have based their marriage relationships around something or someone other than Christ. They have compromised their relationship with God.
We can be thankful that God will not reject us for such lapses in judgment. But He has never promised to preserve us from pain when we defy His will. Besides the pain we will likely bear from such a decision, compromising our faith suggests that Jesus Christ is not the most important Person in our life. This will hardly increase respect for our faith.
We Are Responsible for Our Choices
More importantly, there is no reason to believe that a non-Christian (or a “Christian” who is uninterested in the things of God) will change after marriage. The record shows that this rarely happens. The Bible pointedly reminds us that God gives us no such assurance. Paul asks of mixed partners in 1 Corinthians 7:16, ” …How do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?“ Remember, we are free to choose whom we marry. But we are also responsible for the possible lifelong consequences.
How easily we can say, “I’m ready to accept that responsibility.” That is, until we experience the painful results of ignoring God’s will! Often an unequally yoked person returns to follow God closely years later. They can then face stiff opposition from a non-Christian spouse. Even worse, unequally yoked believers may permanently compromise their commitment to Christ in order to keep peace in the home. Children also invariably suffer in such marriages.
Biblical Teaching
Consider the clear biblical teaching against marrying non-Christians. Christians need to be honest with themselves when they consider entering, or continuing, a romantic relationship of this sort. Embarking on such a relationship, they are really denying that God knows best how to bring fulfillment into their lives. They deny that he is committed to their good. (See Matthew 7:11 and Deuteronomy 10:13.) Such a denial constitutes a betrayal of what we say we believe about God: that he is our wise and loving heavenly Father who always seeks our good.
Before going ahead, ask yourself: What evidence can you find that God has ever been wrong or unloving in His dealings with you? When have you ever regretted, in any lasting way, following God’s will? Why would this issue be any different?
No matter how “right” a relationship feels, God’s will concerning seriously dating or marrying a non-Christian will not change. If you find yourself drawn toward such a situation, resolve now to obey God despite the cost. Any delay only makes the decision harder. Even though you may feel terrible pain for a while, you will look back later and realize this decision was one of the best you ever made.
Regrets
We have never met a Christian who wishes he or she had gone ahead into marriage with their non-Christian dating partner. But we have met scores of miserable Christians who would do anything if they could go back and change their decision to marry a non-Christian or a disinterested Christian. Seek out an older Christian for advice and support as you trust God. You’ll be thankful sooner than you think!
This article comes from the book, “The Myth of Romance” written by Dennis McCallum and Gary DeLashmutt, published by Bethany House Publishers. Unfortunately, this book is no longer in print so you may have a difficult time locating it. What is especially unfortunate about this is that they have even more information in this book that could help those who are contemplating marriages as well as those who are married. So, if you’re able to find a copy of this book somewhere we recommend that you get it.
— ALSO —
To learn more on this subject, please click onto the following web site links to read:
• When Thinking About Marrying a Non-believer
• What Should I Do Now That I’m Engaged to an Unbeliever?
• Marrying a Non-Believer Won’t Work
Filed under: Single Yet Preparing
(SOUTH AFRICA) God knows what is best for us. We have to believe in His word and listen to what the Holy Spirit says. I am a Christian woman and have been having a non-believer as a boyfriend. I love him so much; he has asked me to marry him. I love him but it looks like I have to sacrifice and choose to listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling me. The Holy Spirit is telling me that it is wrong… it is so, so hard for me to do this but God knows what is best for me.
And to all sisters facing marital problems as a result of getting married to non-believer, God hasn’t forsaken you. He loves you and wants to use you as tools to make others aware of marrying unbelievers. Stay in prayer, fast to be able to hear what the Holy Spirit guides you and tells you what to do. Keep praying for your husbands. God sees your every tear.
(CANADA) Wow… I have to say that I am glad to have stumbled across this website and page. I spent a lot of time going through all of the testimonies of people that are dating or married to an unbeliever. I am in the same situation, and I am feeling more and more guilty about it. I am surprised there are so many people in the same boat.
I am still with my unbeliever boyfriend. I suppose I am lucky in the sense that he is not in the same city or country as I am at the moment. It has given me more time to think and reflect and pray. And this website has made my decision to leave him all the more solid. I don’t have any Christian friends to confess to or talk to about this. I am very shy and although I’ve been going to the same church for over 2 years, I haven’t made any friends or even acquaintances. Here is my story:
We have been together for a year and a half, and were planning on getting married in the next coming months. He is a great man, and would make a wonderful husband. He’s loving and funny and charismatic, but we don’t share the same faith. It didn’t bother me so much at first because he was going to church and reading the Bible and talking to pastors the first few months we dated. But it quickly went downhill from there. He keeps saying that one day he will accept Christ, but not right now. (How silly is that!?!) He says that God has a plan for him etc… He tells me that maybe my being with him will change him and that he is a stubborn man, it may take many years. HA!
The last few months I’ve been struggling with my decision to be with him and if marrying him would be the right thing. I foolishly have been thinking that God wouldn’t have allowed us to fall in love if we weren’t meant to be together. Although even typing that, I have to be honest and say that deep in my heart I knew that I was just saying that to deceive myself.
Now he gets defensive and scornful whenever I bring up God. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it, and he recently told me that he doesn’t want to change. He likes the way he is right now. To name a few of the things he does; He smokes, drinks, gambles, swears and is addicted to porn. I have been trying to justify being with him. I’ve heard that almost 70% of men in church are addicted to porn… so it doesn’t mean it would be better with a Christian.
The other thing I’ve been saying to myself has to do with my parents. They were in the same church together for 20 years and now my father has decided to go back to a cult where they control just about everything. His friends aren’t even allowed to speak to my mother because she used to belong to the church and has left it. He spends more time with his church friends then he does his own family, and will drop things with us at a moments notice to hang out with them. He leaves her feeling hurt and alone all the time, but doesn’t care, no matter how many times she’s tried to talk to him about it. And they’re supposed to be loving the same God!!! Because of the things in my life, I have a hard time sometimes seeing how much better it would be with a Christian.
I just pray I have the strength to do what God wills. We broke up before because of his unbelieving, but got back together a few days later. I pray that doesn’t happen again, or that he doesn’t try to deceive me into saying he’s accepted Christ when he hasn’t. I need your prayers. Please pray that I have the guidance to do what is right.
(USA) When my husband and I were married, he was a non-believer and I was a believer but when I say that, I mean I just believed in God. I didn’t go to church, practice, I never even picked up a Bible and I didn’t follow Jesus. I didn’t come to the Lord until a year ago. Be that as it may, I know the Lord hates divorce but what is his will now? Is it okay for me to file for divorce cause we are unequally yoked? My husband left me 8 months ago and I have been praying in Jesus name to save my marriage but now I am not so sure God wants this marriage to work since I am a believer and he is not. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Opinions? Scriptures that tell me that filing will be okay with God?
(US) There are no scriptures that necessarily support divorce. God allows divorce because of infidelity & because of abuse etc. That’s why I wouldn’t think God would be supportive of you divorcing because you are unequally yoked. There are scriptures however, that support unequally yoked marriages stating “unbelieving husband/wife is saved through the believing spouse.” I don’t have a Bible at this time so I don’t know the exact scriptures.
So because you’re unequally yoked is not necessarily sufficient. I too have a boyfriend/fiance who is an unbeliever. I’ve had a prophet as well as a dream telling me clearly he isn’t for me. I am still with him because I love him and am uncomfortable with breaking up & he’s pressuring me for marriage. But when I think about marriage & doing it I have a gut & God feeling/presence that just won’t let me. God is real & good. Stay strong, pray, fast, ask God what to do. He will answer you. God Bless.
(USA) 1 Corinthians 7:14.
As I have stated in my post beneath. There are so many Bible texts against this and one for, that simple says they are made acceptable. If he is a non believer and has left you then it says in 1 Corinthians 7:15 that if HE left YOU, you are free to act.
God has called you to live in peace!
(USA) I am really surprised to read all of these! I pray for you all, but wonder why this has happened, when God has the best intentions for you all.
I am married to a non believer and am the happiest CHRISTian. He is “open” to religion, which may make a difference. He has never been to church services with me, but he has been to Bible study and is open to my beliefs. He loves me, respects me and as the Bible says, 1 Corinthians 7:14 THE UNBELIEVING HUSBAND IS MADE ACCEPTABLE TO GOD BY BEING UNITED TO HIS WIFE….
I really don’t understand how you have ended up in such bad positions, because I have had 6 years of happy marriage bliss. God loves everyone, even and especially my husband; he is a good, pure person.
(USA) I am faced with D. All of the above… except I haven’t married him yet. He is a not interested believer in something, but he isn’t sure exactly what other than a higher being. He wants to marry next month and deep my soul is screaming, unequal yoke, don’t do it. I know my free will would allow me to marry him anyway, but my spirit says it is not complete. We are talking about a man that is everything I want… that loves me as much as I love him and has all that I want in a life-long partner except Christ. My mind is going crazy and I am trying to find a way to explain to him where he can understand why I would tell him, no marriage, until he is right with the Lord.
(ENGLAND) I really need some Christian advice!! I am a non believer and am in a relationship with a Christian who is growing more deeper into his faith every day. I am curious about God and have been to church with him and we talk about it a lot. We love each other so much and I’ve never felt like this about anyone before! We stopped having sex because it’s a sin. I was really upset about it at first but I accept how important his faith is to him and learnt to accept it.
We always talked about getting married and it made me so happy. We even opened a joint savings account to save for the wedding! But as his faith grew he became really distant from me and told me it’s because I’m not a Christian. We spoke about it and came to an ultimatum… I either become a Christian or we split up! We split up yesterday because I didn’t wanna feel upset everyday because he was so distant from me and he didn’t wanna feel like he was disobeying God. I’m heart broken!
I would happily have put more effort in and got more involved in church because I am curious and even though I’m not a Christian I still feel like I had help from “God??” in taking away my smoking addiction. I thought he would have seen me starting to grow in God more and waited for me but he hasn’t. I know it’s wrong to think this but now I just feel like his faith has ruined us and over the past few weeks my interest in God is slipping.
He says he still loves me and it hurts not being with me but he knows he shouldnt be “yolked with a non believer.” I just want him to love me for me like he used to. I don’t wanna have to change everything about myself for him to want to be with me. Reading other people’s testimonies on here has made me think… Should I stop being selfish and just accept it and tell him to follow his faith and forget about me? Because I don’t want him to regret being with me in the future. I just want him to be happy (but selfishly only with me!).
Someone please give me advice and help! None of my friends are Christian and they just tell me to move on. I should never change myself for anyone (giving me worldly advice). Help!!!
(USA) What is the downside of formalizing your belief in God? If God is who He says He is, and Jesus is His Son, then the only path to Heaven is faith Christ, then believing is the only path to Heaven. If he’s wrong and there is no God, then have you really wasted anything? After all, the things scripture prohibits are either bad for you, or their value is dubious. Things such as killing, lying, coveting what others have, cheating on your spouse, putting yourself before God, etc really are good things to avoid.
I realize that’s a cold calculus. Pascals wager, IIRC. So if you accept this relationship with Christ as part of your life and you get to have a relationship with a wonderful man as well, it seems like a win-win.
Seems to me if you choose to remain aloof to God, then you lose out both on your relationship with Him and your relationship with this man you love. Seems the real downsides are not with following Christ, but following yourself.
(USA) Hi Stephanie, I sure love your heart! As I read your comment, I sensed that you are a very caring and loving woman. To tell of your love for this man and then say that you are willing to give him up if it’s being “selfish” shows that you have a compassionate heart — that you don’t just want what YOU want, but that you care for the well-being of this man as well. Again, I love your heart.
This has got to be so confusing for you in so many ways. Things seemed to be going in one direction but now they have changed, and it’s painful. I can only imagine how painful and confusing this must be for you. It just doesn’t seem fair that things, when they are going good, can’t just stay that way, or can’t grow in a direction that appears to be better. How I wish that didn’t have to be a part of life.
You are wise in recognizing that it wouldn’t be good to “change everything” about yourself for him to want to be with you. That’s only sustainable for a period of time, and it’s really not a good thing to empty yourself of your personality — otherwise, this man would be in love with the person you are pretending to be and not you. And that wouldn’t be good.
I sense that he is in love with you, but because he, like any dedicated Christian, also longs for spiritual companionship and closeness with the one he loves. It’s a natural part of who a follower of Christ is and what he/she desires.
Stephanie, I also sense that God is talking to your heart about spiritual things. I may be wrong, but I’m not sensing so because you DO seem to be growing in some ways spiritually. Right now, I encourage you to find out more about what it is to be a follower of Christ — a Christian. Explore it on your own. It’s not something that your boyfriend can do for you.
One way to do this would be to go to the bottom of our Home Page and go into the arrow that is in the box that says, “Seeking Direction? Purpose? Hope? Find it Now.” And then go into the links that are provided. See how God speaks to your heart. You will KNOW if He is drawing you into a personal relationship with Christ. There will be a type of tugging. If so, explore it more through the ways they recommend and God tells you to do. You may also want to go to talk to the Pastor of the church you have been attending. Please, don’t hesitate to tell him what you have told us about your relationship with this man and ask whatever questions you might have. He could clear up a lot of things that might be puzzling to you.
I know of a wonderful couple, who have now been married a number of years, who faced much the same problem you described to us. This young man also realized that there were problems in their relationship as it progressed. She was also finding herself curious about spiritual things and was greatly distressed when he broke up with her. On her own, she went on a spiritual journey to find out what this “Christian thing” was all about. She prayed and pursued God and eventually accepted Christ as her personal savior as she started to see Who He really is and the love He has for her and for us all. When she told her former boyfriend what had happened, he wasn’t sure if she had done this just to be with him or if she truly had become a Christian. Eventually he realized that she had changed spiritually as she said and they got married after a period of time.
I’m not saying this will definitely happen to you, but I’m saying that sometimes things can appear to be going one way and God can turn them around in a different way. You will know if this is true. There will be a change in your heart, if so… and a change in circumstances. You won’t have to change who you are… you will find yourself changing in a different and new way that you didn’t know was possible, if this happens. It’s a very natural and miraculous thing. I hope that for you. I pray that for you.
That change happened to me many years ago. I wasn’t expecting it to really happen, but it did when I prayed and pursued the spiritual tugging on my heart. I truly hope and pray the best for you and this man. If you are meant to be together — that your relationship will be a good and healthy one, I pray you will be together… if not, I pray the Lord mends your heart and helps you to find the man you are to be with.
(ENGLAND) Thanks for your comments, it really helped me! Me and my boyfriend got back together a few days after we split and I was so happy! He brought me flowers and a card saying he’s sorry and he will never give up on us :-). I agreed that I would be more involved with Christianity and attend church more often. The biggest problem for me was the no sex before marriage part, which i said I would do but was finding it really hard because it started feeling like we becoming more like friends.
He told me that he felt wrong even sleeping in the same bed! Which really hurt. He just didn’t seem like the person I first met. We used to have so much fun but now he just constantly talks about God. I understand that he is becoming deeper into his faith and I think that’s a good thing but I miss just enjoying each other. I started feeling really pressured to become a Christian. He text me yesterday after he had been to church and said that he had word from God saying that he needs to follow him and follow what he says about being with non believers. He also said in the text that ‘I need to be a Christian and accept Christ for us to carry on’ like he wanted a decision there and then! I couldnt do that because I would be lying to him, myself and God. I wanted to do things in my own time and follow the advice that Cindy wrote and had given me in the above comment because when I read it i felt like there was still hope and I didn’t have to rush. He made it obvious that I did.
We split up yesterday properly :-( :-( :-( i really am heart broken. He is the only person I have truly loved and I actually did think we would get married one day lol. I know that in time he will think he made the right decision, and be happy in a relationship with someone he can share God with. It’s horrible even saying that but I know it’s the truth. I just have to accept it and move on with my life I guess. No one will ever compare to him and he has inspired me in ways I never thought possible. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be :-( once again, thanks for all your advice! X x x x
(USA) Hi Stephanie, I’m so sorry for the heartbreak you are going through. It’s so confusing to encounter relationship problems like this when you really, really want to work things out. But it appears that you and your boyfriend are on different journey’s right now and it just won’t work out for you to be together at this time. He is growing at the pace that he feels led from the Lord to grow, and you are going through an examination time, where growth is slower.
At this time in your lives, your boyfriend just doesn’t feel he can wait and you feel you cannot go forward any sooner. And even though it’s painful, it’s like what you said, maybe “it just wasn’t meant to be.” That may be true just for this season or maybe it’s never meant to be, for a variety of reasons. You can’t force something like this to happen just because you want it to. Your spiritual lives are to be lined up with God first and others second. If you’re both on the same page at the same time (or somewhat close together on it), then there is more of an opportunity for things to work out… even though you would still have many, many other issues you’d need to work out (that you would eventually face the longer you are together). That’s all a part of relationship building. It’s not as challenging in the beginning to find things in common and to be able to bend here and there, but eventually, you have to work out issues that will cause you to conflict with each other — that will need to be worked through, if you are to be together for a lifetime.
Stephanie, it may be more than just the spiritual issues that are dividing you right now. It may be that he (or you) aren’t as ready for marriage as you once thought. There may be that there is more growth in many areas of your lives that need attention before the time would be right to marry each other or anyone. I don’t know. But it is what it is at this time.
Before I married my husband, I had many different men walk through my life — which I gained so much from knowing. A few, I thought might lead to marriage. But things didn’t work out that way. As I look back, I’m SO glad I experienced being able to get to know them, because it taught me a lot about myself as well — what I did and didn’t want in a husband and such. And now, I have a wonderful husband who is SO much better for me (and me for him) than anyone else. I can see that now.
I hope and pray through all of this that you don’t grow bitter, but instead, better. You had love from this man, but you also saw a glimpse into God’s heart as well. God loves you Stephanie. And He has a wonderful plan for your life if you seek Him and get to know Him better. If you feel you need to take it slow, then do so… just be careful not to go too slow where the embers of curiosity and opportunity begin to die out. Sometimes an open door is there for us to go through a bit quicker than we might at first feel comfortable, but if we pursue going through it, we will be surprised at the wonderfulness that is waiting there for us. I believe that is true for you.
Don’t pursue God because you want a relationship with your boyfriend, but pursue God because there is a tug on your heart drawing you to learn more on a one-on-one basis with the Living Christ. Becoming a Christian is not about religion or being in a 3 way relationship — you, God and your boyfriend. That is marriage. Being a Christian is being in a living relationship one-one-one with God… & then sharing it with others because of the excitement you feel and the sense of community you have with those of like faith. But it is a very personal and living relationship.
As for the “no sex” part… I can well understand why that would be difficult. It’s a huge challenge to draw back from connecting with each other in that way once you have opened that gift which God gives to men and women. And it IS a gift. The biggest problem is that it’s a gift that is meant for husbands and wives because it ties their souls together as well as their physical connection. We have more about all of that which you can read in the “Sex Before Marriage” section of our web site.
I truly hope and pray the best for you. I sense a beautiful heart and spirit within you. I don’t know what your future will hold as far as marriage, but I believe that God wants to be a very big part of your life — to love you and guide you and have fellowship with you, no matter where you journey or who you marry. I pray God’s best for you… Sincerely, Cindy
(UNITED STATES) Friends in Christ! Please do not be so discouraged! I, myself, am in a similar situation. I met my husband when I was 20. I was brought up in a Christian home, and went to private, Christian school- but I was never REALLY taught the very real love of Jesus Christ by my parents. This, I found on my own. They had me when they were young, and taught me about the Bible… but it was not an absolute priority for them. My husband, however, was never taught ANYTHING! His parents did not teach their 3 kids about religion, they wanted them to explore, and find something that made sense for them on their own! His mother had the Bible shoved down her throat as a child, in a very strict, harsh Catholic school, and she vowed to never do that to her children.
When we met, I swore I would never date him! He was not an Atheist, but Agnostic- believed there was “something” out there, just did not know what it was. Time went by, and I got closer, and closer to him- as a friend. And then, I completely, and totally fell head over heels in love for him. He is, without a doubt, the most amazing man that I have ever met. He is my best friend in the entire world. He started going to church with me, studying, and I mean REALLY studying the Bible. He accepted Christ about 6 months into our relationship. We got married just 5 months after that when I was 21. Now, almost 2 years later, (yes, I am only 23) He has come to me and told me that the more he reads the Bible, the more confused he gets, and the further away from God and Christianity he feels. He is the kind of person that needs facts, evidence, and proof to believe something- not other people’s opinions. So he has major doubts. Not in God- but in Jesus and His saving grace.
When he first told me this, I felt so horribly discouraged. We have been unable to have children so far. I have had miscarriage, after miscarriage.. And I started to blame him for these problems. Feeling like he had tricked me into marrying him. I said to him, “Now I know the reason why I can’t have children. God is sparing me from the regret of having a broken marriage and household. Saving me from having to raise my children, in Him, alone!” Very, very harsh! I immediately felt horrible for what I said! So I took a few days to pray, and collect my thoughts- so that I would not have another outburst!
What I came up with was- THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!!! It is about Him! As much as I love my husband, which is more than I can describe, God loves him even more than that! And as much as I yearn for his salvation- God yearns for it even more! Friends- our God is a mighty, and awesome God! Do not lose hope with your unsaved spouse! And do not nag them! Don’t even speak to them about the Lord! Give up, and give in! Only pray, and continue to be the godly spouse that you vowed, before your Lord, that you would be! Be encouraged that God has chosen you to bless! Study your heart, and ask yourself, are you really ready for this battle? You chose to marry your spouse- whether they were a “believer” at the time, or were not… and God commands us to stay with the person that we joined with, before Him!
Do not doubt the craftiness of Satan and the fact that he is going to use every ounce of power that he has to get in the way of the truth, and the search for the Truth! I believe that Satan is using my husbands need for evidence to keep him from the truth. MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT!! I am thankful for my husbands doubts and questions! I believe that God is going to use this in a mighty way, and bring him back to Christ… and stronger than ever, having REALLY decided for himself. I know that it is not ensured that he will come back to faith, but I will not be discouraged! Not now, not ever! I am thankful for this opportunity to strengthen my faith, and to be a godly wife, and a light for my Lord!
I am not trying to encourage someone who is dating a non believer to go against what our Lord commands and marry that person anyway… That is not at all the case! I am trying to encourage those of you who are already married! Do not be depressed! God is bigger than even our biggest problem- and you need to let him use this for His glory! I know most of your situations are different than mine… but our God is still the same- and nothing is too big for Him!
TRUST HIM with EVERYTHING in you!!
(USA) Hi Bethany, I have so much to say. First, I was an unbeliever when my husband and I got married. It has been a miserable marriage I have done nothing but be hurtful to myself and husband. I had my times when I thought I was drawn to him but wasn’t. Now, my husband has left and wants a divorce. Before I knew it, he wanted a divorce. He left and that drew me to read the Bible to find answers as to why this was happening, and for him to reveal to me what I should do.
Well, I’m very confused and have mixed emotions about everything. I now know that I do want to know him and seek him. It’s sad, on my part, that it took this for me to come to want to know him. I want to save my marriage but I think it’s too late. He says he now knows that we weren’t meant to be and it was not God’s will for us to be together. I understand completely why he wants out. What can I do to let him see that I do want to change my life and be the wife I should have been before?
(IRELAND) Hey, I was reading all your comments and I myself am in a similiar situation. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago when we were both non Christians. I then got saved a year into our relationship and was and am still supportive of my decision. He has no church background whereas I was brought up in a Christian home. Recently we have talked about getting married but I know my parents will not approve because he is not a Christian. I really love him and want to marry him. I have 2 children from another relationship and he is amazing with them and they asked if they can start calling him dad as they don’t see their real dad. I’ve never been happier. HELP someone, please.
(NIGERIA) I am a Christian who loved God so much. When I met my husband he was very kind to me and I fell in love with him though I noticed he didn’t love the things of God so much. I was warned but I went ahead and married him. Now six years after I am regretting my decisions. I wish I never married him. We hardly pray together and he hates to go to church and honor God. He is very abusive verbally, proud and very critical of others. We have 3 lovely kids.
I wish I could change the hands of time and have another opportunity to honor God with my decision of a partner. I am praying for him. I know God will win him back to himself. I need advice on the things i will be doing to facilitate his repentance.
(U.S.) Please go out and get the book The Power of a Praying® Wife
by Stormie Omartian. I am reading it right now, and loving it! And pick up a Bible and read 1 Peter 3:1-4.
Talking sometimes does NOTHING, except for make the situation worse! Pray, and have patience! And pray for patience! God does not transform people overnight. It takes time.
Please try reading: No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence by by Nancy Nason-Clark.
(USA) I am a Christian man who finally came to the Lord after 15 years of a marriage to a non-believer. I knew of God at a early age and was involved in church. However, I was never 100% until recently. My wife was not raised in the church and is ignorant of what the Bible really says and means. She’s accepted Christ but at this point is seed on shallow soil.
We have known each other since our teens, fell in love, experienced the same kind of abuse as kids from friends and family members, and had a child out of wedlock. I have and still do love this woman with all my heart.
Christ has turned my life around and has healed alot of my issues and wounds. It is amazing what He has shown me through decernment and I see things that my wife needs to deal with but won’t. She is totally against God and uses my relationship with Him as an ‘adultery/ Love with Him more than Me’. Everything from time away from home, raising our child, movies, books, friends, is a war between beliefs.
I share scripture that shows no condemnation but how Christ is there to heal all of our wounds no matter how deep, but she doesn’t want to change. I know there is nothing I can do and that a believer is ‘Called’ and saved through Christ, not our means or works.
I have tried everything from being vacant, distant, over-involved, to hard line based on each circumstance and it always comes back to ‘go find a good Christian woman and let me die’. She uses beer to cope with all of the issues, and I wait here for change.
I see examples of Noah’s family saved through his walk, the centurion whose family was saved because he believed, etc. I need a good book resource that deals with this condition. Winning them through your actions and your motivations is great. Faith is absolute. I just need a couple of resources to check out. Ideas?
(MALAYSIA) A Youth leader/pastor once told me his experience of how he got married. He did have his eyes on one of the most sought after girls on his campus I think, but she wasn’t the type God would approve of (although God changed her completely at some point, she told her side of the story as well).
Well, getting to the point, he left his wants and desires in God’s hands, prayed for more than 3 years and just continued to serve God in his youth ministry. The thing he emphasized most is that we shouldn’t cheat and try to ‘help’ or ‘guide’ God if we truly trust in Him. Finally, his path and her’s met (through their ministries) and yet he along with her continued praying before finally getting married 2 years later. And they’re happily married!
What I’m trying to say is, put everything in God’s hands. God knows you well and will give you the best when the time is right. But of course, continue praying and serving and stop worrying whether he/she is the right one for you. I think it’s important to teach our kids these things as well instead of letting them go through trial and error. There are so many other more important and significant things God has planned for His children anyway!
(ETHIOPIA) I am not married to unbelieving girl,but am seriously dating with this unbelieving girl right now. We really loved each other. Besides, I don’t want to lose her cause she is the only girl who treats me in the way I want to be treated. I have a lot of problems but she accepts all of my problems and decided to live with me. But we both know that we will not get married if she doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ as her personal savior. I feel deep in my heart God will reach her life through me. Do you think I am feeling the right thing? Anyway, I am confused right now. Can anyone tell me what I have to do?
(UNITED STATES) I have read some of these comments and I am deeply heart broken by them. First, let me get something off my chest. While I believe in God and was raised to be a Christian, I am not a Christian. It felt to me, that God did not wish me to be one, and so I am not. I worship God in my own way and we are very close. I seem to find myself closer, in some sense, to old Judaism, and unique in others. I felt that at least that much must be gotten out before I start speaking my feelings on marriage and relations with Christians.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you should be willing to give them the chance to be worthy of your love. Love is yours to give, as it is God’s, and like God’s love, if you love this person, it should be unconditional. If your love is true, then you should give it every opportunity. You don’t have to give up your religion to do so, and you don’t have to force your significant other to change his beliefs. Maybe, in some way, your other will connect to God through you, and maybe not.
If God loves all people, as I believe he does, then should we really do less because of spiritual and religious differences? Love, and too, be loved, but beware of love that is not there.
(CZECH REPUBLIC) This is a common thought accepted in the world concerning love. And I believed it too and made some bad decisions because of it. But through my walk with Jeshua I came to realize that true unselfish love can only come from God. Human love is selfish and often stands on feelings and expectations more than on genuine interest of a person.
People often confuse falling in love with some person they don’t really know with what is true love which involves true commitment and most importently a DECISION. God showed me that love is a decision and your feelings should be led by your decision and not vice versa. The best decision you can make in your life is to follow our True love- Jeshua and all the rest will be given to us Mathew 6:33. May you find Him in your life.
(USA) Amos 3:3 Can two walk together except they agree?
(INDIA) Greeting in the name of the Lord Jesus. Sir, please pray that I should not have a bad life for that sake. What shall I do? Please tell me as I am not having the life according to God’s Word. It’s like I have a curse from God that is in my life. My private parts of my body are not acting correctly. I am loving one girl and she is an unbeliever. She does not like Jesus. Please pray for her salvation. Her name is Premalatha.
And please pray that my body will restore in every part, including private parts. If God’s will is there, it means and I am loving her and my body has damage in private parts. I lost one valuable life in my living part before coming to God. After God saved me, I came to know that darkness lives in my living and in my physical life. I lost that valuable life and I do not want to lose in the real spiritual life.
Please pray that I will get complete deliverance from darkness in this life. I do not want to live like a bad slave, and I do not want to get a curse from God like Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, according to Acts 5. I do not want to get a curse as in Matthew 12:30. Please, I am not having interest while I am thinking about this, to live. Please pray to God not to destroy my soul and spirit. I do not want to go to Hell. I want to be like good slave; I do not to be like bad slave and I do not want to fear God for hell’s sake. I should fear according to God’s love but not for hell’s sake; that’s it. Please pray to God and tell me. I am waiting for your reply.
Srinivas, I want you to know that I am praying for you and will write more to you later. Until then, I want you to read and meditate on Psalm 23 today. As you read through the Psalm ask God to show you His love as your “Shepherd” and that you will lack nothing in your life…including the help you need to deal with what you are going through. I am also hoping others will respond to you today to give you encouragement and insight. So, as much as you can, keep you focus on Christ, because when you do this, you defeat the attacks of the devil. -Steve Wright