Money Problems in Marriage

Are you having money problems in your marriage? Join the club! Most of us are feeling the money pinch.

But according to financial expert Ron Blue and his wife Judy, “There’s no such thing as a money problem in marriage.” They insist that “what looks like money trouble in a marriage is almost always symptomatic of something else: a distorted view of money, a lack of understanding about the true purpose for marriage, or a basic inability to integrate the two and communicate effectively with your spouse about finances.”

However, we want to emphasize the term “almost always” as we discuss this subject. That is because we realize that when one spouse (or both) loses a job and/or a financial setback comes into play like unexpected medical bills, etc., having enough money to pay the bills BECOMES a problem. But even so, the bigger problem can eventually be the approach that is taken within the marriage to work through those challenges.

Do you turn on each other, accuse and fight against each other? Or do you take deep breaths, pray and then find ways to unite to fight the problems — and not each other? Statistics show that “half of all marriages end in divorce — with the majority of these citing ‘money problems’ as the number one factor in the breakup.” That’s pretty scary.

Money Problems?

We read an article a number of years ago (sent to us by Smartmarriages) titled “Money Control” by J. Taylor that brought this subject to our attention. He wrote:

“A dear friend just told me that he and his wife were going to be filing for divorce after 20 years of marriage. What was the reason for their unhappiness? He says it’s because his wife has spent her way through his inheritance into more than $100,000 in debt. She says he never told her they were in financial trouble; she thought they had plenty of money to pay for everything.

“…The way I see it, they’ve got two things to talk about (in the counseling sessions they agreed to have in order to save their marriage). No matter which one of them is at fault over their financial mess (probably both of them are) —they need to come up with a plan to dig out of it. Whether they get divorced or not, their lifestyle will change. It will become simpler. Once the financial stress is lifted a little, maybe they will be able to focus more on their relationship instead of their financial problems.”

2nd Challenge

“That fits in with the 2nd challenge for them; they need to talk and listen to each other. I’m certain that he told her many times that she needed to watch their budget for the month or something to that effect. He said it often enough to his co-workers. And, I know there were mornings he came to work [angry] because they had been arguing about money.

“His wife needs to listen to him, and he needs to listen to her. They each need to set aside their hurt egos and feelings. Their marriage is worth saving —20 years is a long time. And they have a teenage son.

“When I look into their futures as single people, I don’t see much good from a financial viewpoint. She’ll have custody of their teenager. She won’t be able to get a good paying job without more education or training, and he will have to support 2 households for 10 or more years. Their retirement savings will be split, and neither will have enough to live comfortably. It’s enough to support one household —not two. They’re both in their 50’s. He will have to defer retirement if his health permits. She will have to work too. So, money is an excuse…  not the real problem.

“I hope they give counseling a chance to help them salvage their marriage. It takes time, opening up to each other, and hard work. I hope they expend as much effort and time on fixing their relationship as they did on avoiding their problems.”

And let’s face it, in this time of financial uncertainty throughout the world, it’s especially important for us to look more seriously at the ways we can wisely spend the money God entrusts to our care.

Our Money Problems

We remember all too well, when many years back, Steve had his salary greatly reduced. We were deeply concerned as to how we would be able to make it financially, as well as still help finance Marriage Missions. Plus, we needed to dedicate the enormous amount of time it takes to run this ministry (in light of taking on another job).

Eventually, as we prayed about it, got advice from others who could help us figure out what to do, we were able to do what needed to be done without damaging our relationship. And in the years since, God has been faithful to meet our every need, including the needs of Marriage Missions.

We realize that some of you have even more serious financial problems than we faced (and are now facing in recent times). We encourage you to face each other, talk and LISTEN to each of your perspectives to combat the problems —instead of fighting against each other.

Pray, research, and work together to make things work for your marriage financially. Also, please know that we have a lot of articles, resource recommendations and great web site links posted in the “Finances in Marriage” topic on our web site that could potentially help you.

A Few “Expert” Financial Tips that Have Helped Us

We’re hoping these “expert tips” can help you as they have helped us:

“My wife and I have made a pact that nothing major financially will be done without agreement from the other. This pact is sometimes a real pain. There are times I really want to spend money on something, and I feel like I’m going into the principal’s office to get permission. Sometimes she feels the same way. Yet that short-term pain and relinquishing of ‘rights’ has brought us closer and closer together. The trust and respect we have for each other because we don’t have any ‘little secrets’ has caused our marriage to prosper. Not only has our marriage prospered, but we also make fewer bad financial decisions and no major money decisions on impulse.” (Dave Ramsey)

Also note:

“In many cases, heavy debt causes a marriage to fall apart. Years ago, I mentored a married man who was carrying a HUGE credit card debt. He asked what to do about it. I responded, ‘The same way you’d eat an elephant —one bite at a time. But to keep the elephant from growing, set all your cards on a cookie sheet in an oven and melt them down.’ Easy credit is not just a mammoth monster. It’s a marriage eater.” (Dennis Rainey)

Related to J. Taylor’s advice, please note:

“I’ve seen several recent studies that say money-related issues are now the number one reason for divorce. The reason why it’s ‘dumb’ to divorce because of money is that the process of divorce causes more financial devastation than almost anything else (that’s why divorce attorneys are rich and divorced people are broke). It’s important to get on the same page with money, but don’t divorce over it!” (Dave Willis)

We wholeheartedly agree!

Praying About Money Problems

In closing, if you have a spouse that is willing to partner with you in dealing with your finances… that is great! If you want to use specific “Prayers for Finances” to use as a guideline, you can click onto the following Crosswalk.com link. Just click HERE.

And if your spouse is willing to PRAY, listen to God and other godly counselors on this, and work together… that is even better. Working together on this will be the most helpful.

God’s word tells us “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work… Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken“ (Ecclesiastes 4:9 and Ecclesiastes 4:12). Of course, the third strand is God. Don’t underestimate how much stronger you are with God helping you!!!

And even if your spouse is uncooperative, you can still pray and do things as God guides you. He can still make sure your needs are taken care of, even if you have a spiritually disobedient spouse fighting against you.

“The point is not how much or how little you have; it’s how you perceive and handle the resources God gives you.” (Ron Blue)

It’s our prayer that you will work together as a team to handle whatever comes your way with prayer and care —giving the Lord first place in your lives. Our love is with you as together we work to make our marriages the best they can be with the Lord’s guidance.

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you even further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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