They say, “Three times is a charm!” Well, we don’t know that this is a charm. But we do know that this is the 3rd part of our series where we give Noah’s ark guidance for marriage. It has been a fun, yet insightful journey, at least it has been for us. We hope you have found this to be true for you too.
So, for one last time we want to share with you further marriage guidance from a humorous poem we found about Noah’s Ark. The points are funny; but they also contain some profound truths. And they all fit in with advice that pertains to building a healthy marriage.
Noah’s Ark Guidance for Marriage
First, once again, here’s the first part of the poem:
“What I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark.”
1. Don’t miss the boat.
2. Don’t forget we’re all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something really big.
5. Don’t listen to critics—just get on with what has to be done.
6. Travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one.
7. Build your future on high ground.
8. Speed isn’t always an advantage. After all, the snails were on the same ark as the cheetahs.
FYI: We shared the marriage points that go along with those life lessons in the following two Marriage Insights. Here are the links so you can read them, if you missed them: Noah’s Ark Guidelines for Marriage … and … Noah’s Ark Marriage Guidelines – Pt. 2.
And here are the four points we will build upon in this Marriage insight for Ark Guidance:
9. When you’re stressed, float for a while.
10. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
11. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside.
12. No matter what the storm—when God is with you, there’s a rainbow waiting.”
Here’s the Life Lesson and the Ark Guidance for:
9. When you’re stressed, float for a while.
We can do a lot of stupid things when we’re stressed. We don’t always make the best decisions. That’s why it can be good to “float for a while.” Don’t make big, permanent, life-altering decisions when you’re under stress. Wait for a while, if it is possible.
“Keep the big picture perspective. One woman described her 65-year marriage. She shared that about seven years throughout the 65-year span were really bad. But in the end she asked herself the question, ‘Would you really want to trade 58 good years for seven bad ones?’ The answer was a resounding NO! All marriages experience trials and tough moments. Don’t trade years of history for a couple of bad months or tough years.” (Julie Baumgardner)
When we think of how close we came to making that decision when we were going through some tough times, we shutter! We could have missed out on so many great years that we’ve been able to experiences since that time. That would have been tragic—for us, our family and friends, and others that we have been able to minister to in recent years. Float for a while, if it’s at all possible. We did, and we’re so glad we did.
Additionally
Then here’s something else we recommend doing that relates to this point. Joey O’Connor talks about it in his book, Women Are Always Right and Men Are Never Wrong. It’s something we try to do and we testify that it works! He wrote:
“When you and your spouse are going through changes, particularly difficult transitions like a move, a job loss, or a death in the family, it’s tempting to want to hole up inside of yourself. You’re tempted to pull away from your spouse. But what’s crucial during this time, though, is to have a clear and consistent communication with one another. Don’t allow change to eat away at the common ground that keeps you together. Lean into God, and lean into one another.
“Do this through sharing your thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears, dreams and goals. As you do this the common ground you share together will stand fast against the storms.”
You don’t always feel like sharing. And some people actually find this more painful. But for the sake of your marriage partnership, do your best to lean into God, and into each other. Give each other grace and space, when it’s necessary, but then make it a point to come back together to share what you can, when you can.
Also, on this Ark Guidance Principle
And then lastly, on this point of “floating for a while” make the agreement together to do whatever is needed to stabilize your marriage. It’s called, “Cocooning.” Karilee Hayden says this:
“Crisis takes our breath away, sometimes completely knocking us off our feet. An unexpected death. Sudden illness. Natural catastrophe or family emergency. A good name ruined. Financial disaster. Critical times stir up anguish, fear or anger so fierce it can destroy a marriage. If we turn inward, withdrawing from our spouse, we risk damaging the beautiful oneness of marriage.
“So how do couples respond to crisis? What helps? I believe God wants us to cocoon together, as husband and wife. Doing so strengthens a relationship, eases heartache and deepens love for each other through the shared pain.”
How do you do this? Karilee gives this recommendation:
1. Run to God.
2. Pare down …get rid of extraneous activity. Distinguish essential duties from responsibilities that can be postponed or eliminated.
3. Insulate, don’t isolate.
4. Plan respites.
5. Seek counsel [even if it’s just from God-loving, marriage-loving friends].”
You can learn more about these points by reading:
• 5 WAYS COUPLES CAN RESPOND TO A CRISIS
Here’s another Ark Guidance for your marriage:
10. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
You don’t need to be a professional to understand this concept:
“Every marriage has the potential to be the Love Boat or the Titanic! We need to pack very carefully for this lifelong voyage. Nurturing and caring for our love requires leaving individual comfort and selfishness behind. This makes more room to love, cherish, and serve our spouse.
“Whether it’s smooth sailing or stormy seas—and you can plan on both—it’s our love that keeps us buoyant. But it’s the Lord’s love that keeps us from sinking. He wants our marriages to be healthy and blessed, not hurt and broken. And He gives us loving direction: ‘And now I will show you the most excellent way.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 offers a heavenly list to help you pack or repack for your voyage.” (Dolley Carlson)
Please know that you don’t have to be a professional to rebuild your marriage. God used Noah to build the ark. And he was no professional, by a long shot. But he was a man who loved God. And because of that love, he was willing to do what God told him to do. The same goes with us.
Steve and I built our marriage into the Titanic, right from the beginning. We didn’t do what we needed to do to keep our love afloat. We were so focused on putting our household together, building “careers” and starting and growing a family that we took our eyes off of that, which was most important—growing our love.
Growing Love
Spouses do a lot of wonderful things together. But if they don’t keep growing their love relationship, all of the rest eventually suffers. And often times, it even implodes. We have to do things God’s ways, not ours. And He is all about growth.
We learned the hard way that God gives us all the tools we need to grow a great marriage. But if we don’t use them, in the ways He intends, we don’t build anything lasting. And we certainly don’t build a marriage in a way that it reflects the heart of Christ.
When God brought us to a place to wake us up to this fact, it was a true “ah-ha moment.” Actually, from that moment on, we had lots of ah-ha moments. God showed us that we could rebuild our marriage again into a good one. But we needed to do things His way, not ours.
And the same is true for everyone who wants a truly good marriage. Sure, there are some people that turn their backs on God. And yet they still have what looks like good marriages. But they aren’t as good as they can be. Only God can create that, which is truly “good.” And when we put our hands into His, we’re on the right “boat” to growing our love. It’s at that point that God can direct us to make the best of every situation that comes our way.
You don’t have to be a professional to build a good marriage. But you do have to follow the directions of Architect of all of creation. Get into God’s word. The principles for loving each other, within marriages, are the principles for living that God shows us throughout the Bible.
To Live These Ark Guidance Principles:
Pray together, and pray for one another. That way God will direct you how to best live with each other so the love of Christ shines through. And look to godly people to come alongside you in your marriage journey. God said in the Bible that it is “not good for man to be alone.” And that includes women too! We need each other. Yes, people are flawed. But if they are following God’s wisdom, God will direct you how to sort and glean out the good stuff from the flawed stuff.
Here’s another Ark guidance point for your marriage:
11. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside.
It’s important to note that one of those “woodpeckers” can be selfishness:
“When we rationalize our selfishness, we are missing the point of partnership. Selfishness is guaranteed to leave every married couple feeling more like roommates than soul mates. Worse, it always brings conflict: God will ‘pour out anger and wrath,’ the Scripture says, ‘on those who live for themselves.’” (Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott)
Additionally, on this Ark Guidance Point:
Here’s another way of looking at selfishness, and the damage it can do to a marriage:
“Selfishness is spiritual rust. It spreads and gets worse over time. Having an outward focus—another couple, another family, another ministry—that you pray about, give to, and serve will do more for you than it will for them. If your marriage is only about your house, your bank account, and your kids, it’s too isolated to thrive. Jesus urges us to seek first God’s kingdom, not ours. (See: Matthew 6:33.)” (Gary Thomas, from his article, “6 Ways to Grow Back Together”)
So, whether woodpeckers caused the destruction, spiritual rust, neglect, or that, which you did or didn’t do on purpose—fight it! Don’t fight each other; fight against anything that is causing any type of separation between you! Please take note:
“Difficulties in your life can throw your entire marriage off kilter. While each situation must be assessed and approached in its own unique way, a good overarching idea is to remember that you’re on the same team. You aren’t enemies. When you function as teammates, it’s easier to tackle life’s problems together—and it’s less likely that you’ll turn on one another.
“Here are some tips for sticking together: – Face your conflict head-on together; don’t bury or avoid it! – Don’t assassinate one another’s character or belittle each other. – Communicate openly about what you’re going through; and listen to one another. – Be present for each other; no checking out is allowed.” (Les & Leslie Parrott, from the article, “Dealing with Tough times in Marriage”)
And then here’s one last Ark Guidance Principle for your Marriage:
12. No matter what the storm… when God is with you, there’s a rainbow waiting.
“Friend, you may be in a raging storm. But God knew years ago that you would be where you are right now. Trust Him. He has already prepared the way for you. God can use the most trying of circumstances to fortify the walls of your marriage, your family and your relationship with Him. Galatians 6:9 tells us, ‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.’“ (Jentezen Franklin, from: “Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt”)
Whatever you do, don’t give up.
“One woman told me the painful story of her mother who quit on her marriage. She got fed up and married another man—and then her ex-husband got serious about the Lord. ‘Today he’s the most amazing man,’ his daughter said. ‘He’s secure financially; and my mom is now married to an unbeliever who doesn’t provide very well, so she’s working a menial job even though she’s in her sixties.
“’What’s the saddest is that she lived with my dad through his worst years. But because she quit, she missed his best years.’ How many couples do that? How many suffer through their worst years, get frustrated, quit and miss out on their best years?” (Gary Thomas from the book, “Cherish”)
We know that this isn’t true for every marriage situation. But it is for some. That’s why it’s important to weather the storm with God. He will give you the guidance you need and the strength to do what you need to do, whether it’s floating, building, rebuilding, leaning in, getting rid of “woodpeckers” from within your marriage, or whatever.
Do you know what?
“We cannot cause the wind to blow the way we want it to, but we can adjust our sails so they will take us where we want to go.” (Unknown)
We just need to make sure our “sails” are lined up with God’s.
“The enemy may have devastated you or your marriage. Your spouse may have cheated on you. Your spouse may have said or done something hurtful or shocking. Fight for what’s left. God can heal your marriage. God can restore your marriage. And God can renew your marriage. Fight for what’s left.” (Jentezen Franklin, from: “Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt”)
We hope this gives you hope. Perhaps God has even spoken to you in between the lines of what we have written here. Just make sure you go with God. And when you do, the storm may rage; it may hurt—a LOT. But there will be a rainbow waiting at the end. That is God’s promise! HE is the one we can depend upon, and trust.
We pray that for you!
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below to do so:
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