Noah’s Ark Guidelines for Marriage

We were cleaning out some files and came across some life lessons about Noah’s ark that made us laugh. But then as we looked at it a bit deeper, we saw that it’s also insightful. It’s titled, “Noah’s Ark …What I really need to know about life I learned from Noah’s Ark.” We don’t know who the author of the poem is, or even who sent it to us. But in reading it, we can see how the life lessons that are given, also pertain to marriage. So we’re sharing the poem with you. And then we’ll share important marriage guidelines that we’ve gleaned from each one.

We’d also love it if, after reading the guidelines, you have additional insights, that you share them with all of us below. After all, we’re all in this “marriage boat” together!

Here’s the poem:

NOAH’S ARK…

What I really need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark.

1. Don’t miss the boat.
2. Don’t forget we’re all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something really big.
5. Don’t listen to critics. Just get on with what has to be done.
6. Travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one.
7. Build your future on high ground.
8. Speed isn’t always an advantage. After all, the snails were on the same ark as the cheetahs.
9. When you’re stressed, float for a while.
10. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
11. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside.
12. No matter what the storm… when God is with you, there’s a rainbow waiting.

So below are the first four life lessons from Noah’s Ark, along with the guidelines for marriage we see within them. And then we’ll cover the others in upcoming Marriage Insights. That is so that we don’t overwhelm you with too much info at once. We believe this is good stuff. We hope you do too.

So here goes:

NOAH’S ARK… What I really need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark.

On a related note, here’s the first guideline for marriage we believe applies to it:

1. Don’t miss the boat.

The people who missed the boat in Noah’s day didn’t take God’s warnings seriously. They lived life their way and had no thought for God’s values. God warned them repeatedly about what would happen if they didn’t listen. But they ignored Him. As a result, they missed the boat.

We sure don’t want you to miss the marriage boat that God is providing for you through His Word, and guidance through His Holy Spirit. There is safety in your marriage when you are in God’s boat, so to speak.

The Apostle Paul passes onto us a warning from God (in 1 Corinthians 7:28). He writes: “…Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” Many of us overlook this warning.

However, if we do marry, God makes Himself available to help us as we try to navigate those troubled waters. God will guide us through each trial when we look to Him. But we have to get into HIS boat; and we have to do things His way if we want the benefit of His help. It’s important to note something written by Wynter and Jonathan Pitts that can help us as we step into God’s boat:

God’s Noah’s Ark Plan for You

“God has a specific vision for our marriage and yours, a standard higher than anything we will ever reach on our own. His standard is perfection. His request is that we be holy—set apart, magnificent, and otherworldly. He doesn’t want you to have a common marriage. Thankfully, He has not left you alone to try and reach this standard.

“He has stepped down into your life and marriage, and He offers you help you need. But He wants to start with you, individually. He will get to your spouse. But He is asking you to invite Him in, to allow Him to clean you up. He wants to expose the stains. He wants to make your marriage fruitful. And He starts by offering you more of His mind, more of Himself. God created you. He arranged your marriage. He will perfect it, starting in your mind.” (From, Emptied: Experiencing the Fullness of a Poured-Out Marriage)

So, we encourage you with our whole hearts with something written by Dr Gary Smalley:

“Transfer the ownership and authority of your life, including your marriage, to God. (See Galatians 2:20.) Establish God’s Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit as your final authority. (See Psalm 19:11.) Expect God through Christ, to meet all your needs. (See Philippians 4:19.)”

Here’s another of Noah’s Ark Guideline:

2. Don’t forget we’re all in the same boat.

We need each other. God said that it’s “not good” for us to try to go it alone. He created “people” for a reason—rather than just calling it quits with creating Adam alone. He wants us to help each other. And that’s especially true in marriage. We need each other… within our marriage… and outside of marriage, to love, serve, support, and help one another.

“If God didn’t want us to have positive, productive marriages, He would not have created the family as an institution. He could have left us all single and wandering around doing our own thing. But instead He decreed man should not live alone. To live together means we can’t do our own thing. We must learn to share not just our bed, but our ideas. It’s important to communicate openly with each other.” (Florence Littauer)

Again, we need each other but then we need other people that will help us to better live with each other.

The other day we were talking with a gal (who isn’t married) who has a couple of her adult “kids” that just got married. What’s great is that she is wise enough to realize that her adult children need good marriage advice sometimes. She told us that she knows, because she is single, that she is not the one who can help them with their marriage issues.

So she has advised them to each make friends with a happily married couple that is close to their age. She also told them to make friends with a happily married couple that is older. That way they can gain good advice from couples with two very different, yet wise perspectives. We wholeheartedly agree!

Noah’s Ark Perspective on Needing Each Other

“Ideally every married couple needs a Christian couple or two to help push and prod them toward marital maturity. Ask God to help you find some married friends with whom you can be honest and real, and with whom you can develop healthy relationships of accountability. An older, wiser, ‘mentor-like couple is ideal, but a couple of your own age is a great gift too.” (From the book, “Marriage: Clues for the Clueless”)

Jim Daly gives this related insight:

“If you are new to marriage, seek out the wisdom of those with years of joyful experience under their belt. And if you, by God’s grace, have found something that works well for your marriage, take a young couple to lunch. You never know where the little bit of advice about marriage you plant may blossom into marriage—saving hope and guidance for that couple.” (From his book, The Best Advice I Ever Got on Marriage)

And lastly, on this important point, here’s another angle to look at that we STRONGLY URGE YOU to implement:

“If you’re walking through a hard time in your marriage, surround yourself with true friends. Our tendency, when we’re hurting, is to look for someone who will empathize with us. But ultimately that may make you feel temporarily better, but it doesn’t solve the problem. Find someone who will ask, ‘what Scriptures are you standing on?’ ‘What have you done to make this better?’ ‘What else do you think you could do?’” (Sheila Wray Gregoire)

As in the Days of Noah’s Ark:

3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

Too many spouses get caught up in the “here and now.” They tend to the “tyranny of the urgent.” But at the same time, they forget to live their married life together in such a way that every day builds upon the next. This way their relationship can grow stronger and stronger. There is no doubt:

“Long-lasting love does not happen by accident. We don’t find ourselves holding hands after 25 years with the one that we love by pure chance. Love is deliberate. It’s intentional; it’s purposeful, and in the end it’s worth every minute (and every effort) that we invest.” (Darlene Schacht)

Did you get that? You need to be INTENTIONAL if you want your love to be long lasting.

“People believe if they marry the person God intended, they’ll get the relationship they desire. They begin their marriage thinking their bond will remain strong from then on. But the law of entropy (deterioration) says that won’t happen. Without the investment of new energy, any marriage will disintegrate. To prevent that, you need to adapt in some way—choose to change and do whatever you can to meet your mate’s needs.” (Ron R Lee)

Continually grow your love relationship with each other. BE INTENTIONAL in making everyday choices to grow your marital love. INVEST NEW ENERGY in your relationship every day. That way when the rain hits (and it will) your marriage will be in a good place to weather the storms. We’re told in the Bible that it “rains on the just and the unjust” so PLAN AHEAD.

Another addition to this Noah’s Ark Guideline:

Just make sure that you don’t get sidetracked from carrying out this mission during the child-raising years of your marriage. Parent Coaching Consultant Teresa Parr gives this very important warning to couples:

“Babies are loud about what they need. Marriages are not. It’s easy to neglect each other because other things are more urgent, but you have to save some time and energy for your spouse.”

This is SO important. We’re now in the next stage of marriage after “launching” our kids into adulthood. But we have to say that we’re so glad we made the time to grow our own relationship while our children were growing. Our love for each other is stronger than ever, as a result!

It’s true what Gaye Christmus writes:

“You don’t want to get to the place where you and your spouse no longer have any interests in common. So even though it’s difficult to find time for adult activities during the child-raising years, make the time to develop at least one activity that isn’t focused on your kids. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. My friend Sheila and her husband enjoy bird watching, and my husband and I like to bike ride.”

Melissa Edgington adds to this Noah’s Ark point:

As she says:

“Whatever we do, we cannot let the glorious, temporary child-raising years let us lose sight of the fact that we two will remain in the end. If we get lost in the wilds of parenting, how will we ever find each other again? It will get harder and harder with every wandering year that passes by. But, if we brave all of the terrain changes together, if we view our entire life, every phase and every trial, as an adventure that we set out on hand in hand, then how can the kid years separate us? In the end they will only give us more to laugh about. Plus, they will give us more to get misty-eyed about, and more to get excited about.”

And then here’s the next Noah’s Ark lesson:

4. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something really big.

It’s important to stay fit physically, spiritually, and mentally. You should do this for yourself and do this for your spouse. As a result, you both will benefit from this. But also work to grow your marriage so it is strong and healthy. This benefits you and your spouse, as well as others who come into your life. This world needs to witness those who love God, and each other so we are better able to reveal and reflect the heart of Christ.

The following is one of the most important pieces of advice that we can pass along to you, as it relates to growing a strong, healthy, loving marital relationship. Marriage expert Dr John Gottman talks a lot about couples and how they relate to each other. And here’s what he found in his research:

“The issue isn’t whether you fight with each other, it’s HOW you fight and how rich your stockpile of good feelings is about each other to weather difficulties and keep your basic attitude toward your partner positive.”

Within that quote you can see that he gives a two-fold approach to growing a good marriage. First, LEARN how to fight with each other in healthy ways. It’s a given, that you WILL fight. But you can learn how to do so, in such a way that you grow your relationship. It’s important that you apply yourself to learning. It’s a learned skill. Don’t be lazy by just approaching your conflicts without learning this important skill.

To help you in this mission, we have a lot of info that’s posted on our web site. So, just take a look around. And then apply yourself to learning.

Stockpile Good Feelings

In addition, the second part of this approach is to “stockpile” good feelings about each other within your hearts. You never know when you will need to lean upon those good memories to get you through those tougher times!

Again, we have a lot of great info posted on this web site to help you do that. The Romantic Ideas topic, in particular, is filled with one suggestion after another. Again, go look around. Glean through, and then use whatever ideas you can to stockpile up good feelings between the two of you. We’ll keep adding more, as we find them.

… So, that’s it for this Marriage Insight! We’ll give you more Noah’s Ark marriage guidelines in the next one. In the meantime—do whatever you can to grow your marriage relationship. Draw closer to God and to each other. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Do what you can today, to make your tomorrows better ones together!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below to do so:

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