I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Hi Leonie, I read your comment on this page as well as the comment you left to Dineo and Jerome.
Firstly, let me extend my heartfelt sympathies for your husband cursing you and hitting you in front of your children. Obviously, this is not the kind of behavior that God likes. It sounds as though you did the right thing by blessing him, but there are also times when that just incites more anger because a person is an angry person.
My husband grew up with an angry, abusive father and carried that into our marriage. He was hitting me at times and a LOT of verbal abuse occurred. After our son was born and it was still happening, even in front of our son, I went to God (and our church) for help. We are now healing our marriage and it has taken a VERY long time, but we are almost all the way healed and we’ve set boundaries on what we won’t tolerate and we can now communicate more effectively.
So…I know what it’s like to live with an angry, abusive person.
I applaud your efforts to bless your husband in the middle of his recent tirade at you, but my suggestion is this – set boundaries! If you are nice and your husband continues to curse you and be angry – my suggestion is to leave the room at all costs, otherwise what happened to you will probably end up happening again – he’ll get physical. He does not sound like he thinks he needs help and he does not sound like he wants help. He probably does not think he has a problem. Most likely he’s also blaming a lot of his problems on you. I’ve seen it all too often and have read about abusive people. Here’s what I know from experience and from what I’ve read – You cannot change or even help (for the most part) people like that until they want to help themselves. Only God can – but you CAN set boundaries for yourself.
Show that you respect your position as a child of God and as the mother of two children of God, as well, and do not tolerate that kind of harsh treatment from your husband if you can help it.
I understand you’re living with his parents so it’s awkward but you can still go to a different room if he’s being abusive and won’t stop. Is it possible to go in the room where his parents are? Would he hit you and curse you in front of his parents? Perhaps that’s a safe room – with his parents, until he calms down or leaves. If not, then you need a different place to live. In the mean time I’m praying that God gives you another place to live. You do not sound safe where you are living and now your kids are watching some really bad interactions between their father toward you.
As for whether or not you should remain married and/or ask for salvation for your husband – please see the comment above I wrote to Andrea on May 4. Those words are definitely for you, as well, after hearing your situation.
Your husband, whether he’s claiming to be a Christian or not, is clearly NOT living as a Christian. Right now he’s living as an unbeliever. I Corinthians 7 says when an unbeliever leaves (as your husband has left you) – the rule is simple – let them leave! You cannot help people who don’t want help and perhaps it’s just not God’s will right now. Your husband has gone so far into a life of sin, and it doesn’t sounds like he cares about it, that only God can help him now. If an unbeliever leaves, you are not bound to that marriage. Please read the chapter I mentioned – it’s very clear. They are not my words – they are God’s words.
I can’t say what God has planned for you or your husband, but as long as you are following God, you’ll be where God wants you to be. And what I do know is that God loves you very much. And there is also a lot of love and support on this website so continue to come here for rest, along with the rest you receive from the Holy Spirit. I hope this helps. I’m sincerely praying for God to give you a safer, healthier place for you and your kids to live. Your husband will never be out of your life because he’s the father of your children, but I hope God does lead you to a better home.
With love and prayers, LT
Hi Leonie, It’s difficult to know how to advise you beyond what you’ve already been learning through the Holy Spirit and the good advice that LT and others have said to you. From all I’ve read, you’ve done everything you know to do, as far as being gracious and forgiving towards your husband. And yet he still chooses to leave your marriage and abstain from being the good husband he could be and should be to you, and the wonderful father and role model he could be and should be to your precious children.
You have been praying for him and trying to remain open to reconciling if God would work a miracle. There isn’t too much else that you could do. As you can read in the Bible, you have the “right” to move on with your life. You are not bound to him, because he is an unbeliever who says, and acts out as if, he wants to leave. You can’t make him stay if he chooses to do so.
You also have the “right” to release him to live in his unfaithfulness and divorce him because of his adulterous ways. (If you read the article “Scriptures on Divorce” in the “Separation and Divorce” section of this web site, you will see that.)
But just because you have the RIGHT to divorce, it doesn’t mean that God wants you to divorce or that you should, because God may still work a miracle in your husband’s heart. You need to be open to God’s miraculous ways and ask Him if that is what you must wait for, and if you need it, that He will also work in your heart to help you to work out your feelings if a reconciliation is to occur. But from what you have written in your comments, it seems as if you have been willing to be open for that miracle, and frankly, that is all you can do. The rest is between God and your husband. The Lord will not make your husband live a faithful life, and neither can you.
So at this point, you keep praying with an open heart, as you have been and see what happens on May 12th. If the divorce is finalized, then you make plans for you and your children to make the best life possible with the Lord as your husband. He will direct your paths as you call upon Him.
If your earthly husband remarries, then you will know that you are fully released from being able to reconcile in marriage with him ever again, because the door will then be fully shut. He chose to shut the door completely at that point.
As I stated earlier, it’s difficult for me to give you any additional advice, because I feel you have received great directions from God and from others. But I can tell you that I grieve with you and your precious children. I cry with you and your children, and I pray for you and your children.
I pray that the Lord touches your heart and comforts you, and helps you to rid yourself of any bitterness that could take root. I pray that every injustice that your husband is inflicting upon you will be righted by the Lord and that your hands will be innocent. I pray that the Lord supplies your every need — emotionally, spiritually, and physically — taking care of you in such a way that you will be able to raise your sons in a home that is peaceful and sufficient to help them get a good start in life, and will fulfill your needs as well. I pray that the Lord will help your sons to grow up as faithful, truthful, God-fearing men who will be good citizens of this world, but especially of God’s Kingdom, and that they will rise up some day and call you blessed as they see God’s presence in your life.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 15:13)
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6)
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ — to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)
(USA) Andrea, Wait! Stop! Hold up. I pray that I am not writing this too late. You said that your are filing for divorce. I hope that what LT wrote had a chance to sink in, and change your heart. What is your true motivation for divorce? Because he got a place, or because you’re scared that if he has his own place, he can have company? That is the devil! Recognize that and do not play into the devil’s hand.
Praying for your mother in law has brought about change in your relationship with her already. Don’t stop praying for your husband. The devil is really playing you and distracting you. Keep praying for him. Maybe having his own place is not such a bad thing. This way you’re not the target of everyone’s bad day, and everyone doesn’t have the opportunity to voice bad opinions about you to him. This is a very good thing because if anything happens between you two, his family isn’t all up in your business. It’ll also give him less distraction and he can spend more time with the LORD. It’s harder to drown out HIS voice when your all alone right?
I beg you to wait and reconsider. Focus on how much you do love him, think about what made you fall in love in the first place, and wait. If you shut that door first you’ll regret it, and you’ll also open a window for the devil.
Have you gotten the opportunity to talk with someone yet. A pastor, prayer partner, Christian friend? Please do, you need to talk with someone of faith because non-believers walk a very different path. Andrea I prayed for you yesterday at my church’s pray request. So there are way more people praying for you than you know.
Andrea, If you haven’t anyone, I would gladly be your prayer partner. If nothing else remember this Andrea, GOD loves you. Sometimes I have to stop myself when I feel my anger rising to dangerous levels and just say that out loud. "GOD LOVES ME, and HE takes care of HIS children." Please try this every time you start feeling hopeless about your marriage. You’re not giving HIM a chance. You haven’t given HIM your burden. If you do give it to HIM, HE will give you rest. I LOVE ya GIRL,
Anne, YOU ROCK! That is the way to do it. You might not have been able to calm yourself immediately, but GOD is giving you the tools to help until you can. I am noticing that as well. When I get mad, I am not having the time to get angry because of situations, then I am able to confront conflict with a cool attitude. PRAISE GOD! Keep praying Girl, and I’m going to keep praying too.
Leonie, I pray that GOD be with you and your boys as Cindy said. She gives great advice and I pray that HE comforts you. I am not going to write about your situation but I am just going to let you know I am praying for your really hard. Love ya,
LOVE, LYNNE
(SOUTH AFRICA) LT, Cindy, Lynne and everyone that is praying for me and my boys, I just want to say thank you. God bless you…Your advice has brought me to tears. I am hurting very badly and discover it more and more each day. I am not bitter. Do not worry. I tell the Lord exactly how I feel because we cannot hide anything from Him. I love my husband and was never unfaithful to him because I take my marriage vows very seriously.
But God instructed me to divorce him and God told me that I had to do this a long time ago. I will tell you now why. I have a daughter from a previous relationship before I got married to him. She will be turning 15 years tomorrow, thank God. We got married when she was 6 and he started abusing and raping her at the age of about 7. I did not know because she did not say anything to me. I was blindly in love with this man.
When she was 9 she went to her teacher at school and told him. The state made a case against him and I stood by him, not knowing how ignorant I was being. I lost my daughter. A couple of months ago I was at a crusade and I heard the voice of God. He told me, “You had to divorce this man years ago when I told you the first time, but you did not listen.” Then God revealed to me that he did rape my daughter. I could not contain the feeling that I had that day.
I was hurt and angry and everything. I phoned her and all she said was, “Mommy, thank God your eyes have finally opened up.” She told me the worse thing of all of this is that he did everything in front of my 8 year old son who was about 3 at the time. I pray that God will not let my son remember this horrible thing that my husband did to his sister.
I do not know why I still love this man after everything he has put me and my children through. She has forgiven him because she said in order for her to heal she had to. God has healed her and his grace and mercy has always been over her. My husband took my daughter’s innocence and for that, he is in torment alone, because he still denies it. But the most wonderful of all, is that God is restoring my relationship with her. I just want to thank all of you for your love and support. Love Leonie
(USA) Hi Girls, I am sorry I have been a way a few days. So much has happened on this post since I have last wrote. But I wanted to let you girls know that your prayers and encouragement did not go unnoticed. I greatly appreciate them and the Lord has truly opened my eyes and heart to where they should be.
Andrea, you mentioned that we should be thankful for even having our husbands under the same roof, and you are correct. There was a time when I didn’t have my husband in the same room as me. And I wouldn’t have had him under the same roof, but he truly had no place to go. So I thank you for opening my eyes to how far we have truly come. Thank you too Anne, your words always mean so much to me! I love you all, and I am praying for each and every one of you!
(UNITED STATES) Lynn, You are so wonderful! Your spirit is truly beautiful…Right now…today…I can’t pray for my marriage. I talked to my husband the night before for 3 hours and his mother for 3 hours yesterday. I spoke from my soul to my husband. I truly did, and I told him about God’s love and his plan for marriage. But he would not listen to me and cited my parents as the perfect example…(my mom divorced and remarried and has been happily married for 25 years. My real dad was an abuser and adulterer, however. And my parents were non believers)…I know he is right so, well, why am I holding on again?
He said there is nothing that either one of us could tell another person about each other that is good. He also said we have no vested interest in the marriage…no kids…no home…so it’s best to cut ties. He has no interest in any kind of relationship with me, because if we truly had a marriage it would have worked (yea in all of the 5 months we were married 4 of which we were pretending not to be). And now that he’s gone, I want to really make it work he says.
I can’t believe I married someone like this. Who would take the vows of a marriage so carelessly? No one said it would be easy at all. In fact God said quite the opposite. Perhaps God is speaking through my husband and telling me to run from this situation as quickly as possible because they are all truly unbelievers, it seems…
To top it off the conversation with his mother was just disturbing. I admit I went over there to ask her to talk to him about just filing the divorce papers. But then I started to ask her certain questions as to why she said certain things to us about our marriage and she took it as I was blaming her for our failed marriage…and I wasn’t. To make a long story short, she basically said that she feels as if I have resented her from the first day she meet me which was 7 years ago when I was 22! (This was the first time her son and I dated -it only lasted 6 months.) All of this because I did not speak to her (so she remembers it) when I was at her house sitting on the couch.
She said I was passive aggressive. I said, how could I resent a grown woman (as barely a woman myself) who I did not know that me and her son were just dating. Nothing serious was going on back then. She said I did and since then, she has felt as if I felt like if she did not exist, it would be better because I could have her son all to myself. Why would I have ever thought that at 22? I wasn’t even thinking long term about our relationship? Why would she hold on to that for all these years? Me and her son (my husband now) stop talking for 4 years after that.
I can’t deal with this…from that, to her feeling as if I made a conscious or unconscious decision to marry her son for reasons other than love… Do you guys know that our major problem was communication? We did not talk about anything because I soon begin to feel uncomfortable that he shared everything with his mother…at times not telling me his true feelings about me with me only with her and I would have to find out through her (which ironically again, she told me something I did not know yesterday and I pointed out to her that that was exactly what the issue was. She simply said, well I thought you knew he felt like that.) I did not resent their mother-son relationship. I resented when he shared information about our relationship with no consideration to me…before and after the marriage apparently.
I will pray that they find the Lord, but I will not pray for my marriage. I do not believe in it anymore…and apparently it was just for show…and that which was joined under false pretense was never really joined to begin with, right?
(USA) Hi ladies, I wanted to write to Lynne, Leonie and Andrea. Lynne, I like your advice that when we get angry to stop and say God loves me! Wow – what affirmation. That’s a new one on me and I think it’s great advice.
Dearest Leonie, I just read your most recent post today – I’m so very sorry to hear what happened with your daughter and your husband. This is truly tragic and I’m SOOO glad she seems to be healed from that and has been able to move on with life. What a tragedy of what your husband did to her. It sounds as though the Lord has affirmed some things, through direct revelation to you, and it’s a confirmation of what some of us were saying as well. This is certainly a type of person (your husband) that should not be in anyone’s life, including your life.
Most of us can tell at least a little, if someone is repentant. Your husband has not repented and does not want to change. Who knows – maybe in the future he will. But he’s the one who left and filed for divorce and he’s the one who raped your young daughter – it’s not on your head. His sins are his to carry, not yours.
I will pray God heals your heart if the divorce becomes final because it’s never easy to see a life (your married life and home) end like that. I’m keeping you in my prayers. In God, there is forgiveness for everyone, even your husband, but we do have to ask for it for ourselves. I don’t know if your husband will or not, but for now it sounds like you need to be strong in God about yourself and your kids. We can pray for others but, ultimately, they are responsible for themselves and their own salvation.
My guess is, your feelings of love are, in part, an emotional attachment to the marriage you had and the family life you were hoping would happen. It’s a dream that you had and now have to give up. That’s probably part of what is in your feelings of love for your husband. That’s understandable. It’s hard to give up on dreams. It will pass with time and, hopefully, God will give you much better things to come in this next phase of your life. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers!!
To Andrea – I wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It does sound as though your husband’s relationship with his mother is odd, if not an unhealthy attachment. Matt. 19:5 says a man (when married) should leave his parents and unite with his wife. It’s not saying they shouldn’t have a relationship, but what it’s saying is that his relationship with his mother shouldn’t be closer to his mom than to his wife and it sounds like that might have been the case in your marriage.
I understand you cannot pray for your marriage right now. Right now you are exhausted and what you need to pray for is strength from God to continue on and do what is needed of you.
When praying for salvation for others (this isn’t something I usually make a habit of for my own reasons) it’s necessary to make sure to include in that prayer, "if it is God’s will." God knows who He will and won’t bring to salvation. Only God can call people – no one comes to the Father except through Jesus (not other humans). John 14:6 The most we humans can do for someone else’s salvation is pray and be a light through example.
Andrea – your husband is already in a different home of his own now. My suggestion is still the same – wait and do not do anything to tear down your marriage, including filing for divorce. See Mark 10:9 – what God puts together let no man put asunder. You cannot keep your husband from leaving or filing for divorce but God does HATE divorce. That’s why my suggestion to you is not to pursue that. I think that is stepping on a dangerous path and possibly putting yourself in a position of sin. If your husband does, then it’s a sin he has to carry. Don’t let it be your sin.
There’s no rush on it anyway. Making a divorce happen faster isn’t going to take away the pain and hurt faster. And, ultimately, all the divorce papers say is that man’s government sees you as divorced but let’s face it – all our legal documents here on Earth don’t mean a hill of beans to God in Heaven. It’s just paper that humans use. God doesn’t rule His heavenly kingdom by divorce papers, or marriage papers or the American constitution or the Magna Carta or any of that. We’re the only ones who put significance on that.
That’s why I’d wait several months to see what happens with your marriage situation before making any action. And MOST importantly – pray to God for what YOU should do. If you don’t have much energy to pray right now then don’t pray for your marriage or other individuals right now – pray for strength from God and pray for Him to communicate to you what to do. In other words, focus on praying for yourself right now, not others. There’s a time for that and it sounds like that time for you is now.
I pray God gives you peace and rest, Andrea. I know you need that right now after what you’ve been going through. With love to all my friends here, LT
(USA) Andrea, I agree with LT 100% percent. If you start a divorce or use that as an attention-getter you’ll regret it. If it’s going to happen, let him be the one to sin, not you. Pray for yourself and spend this time with GOD. You seem distracted by your anger and frustration with your marriage and haven’t seemed focused on your relationship with GOD. Work on that first and good things follow… Promptly. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I pray that you can lay all of this burden at HIS feet and trust HIM, Love, LYNNE
(USA) Dear Leonie, How my heart hurts for you, and your daughter, and for your sons! You have such a painfully complicated history with your husband. I will be praying in the future for not only you and your sons, but also for your precious daughter as well. She sounds like she is a real jewel. I hope you can keep conveying to her how much you love, value, and appreciate her merciful, and forgiving heart! She is right about forgiving… as we release our bitterness, it frees us to heal as we are no longer bound to the person who hurt us, but instead we become free to let God work in us, and in the other person, and in the situation, as He determines. God is righteous, just, and merciful, knowing what would be best for all.
Something you need to do is to let this other woman know about the history of your husband raping your daughter (if she doesn’t already know). It isn’t for vindictive reasons that you are to do this, but to protect her future child. Even though she is sinning with your husband, she needs to know what your husband is capable of doing to this child. This child needs to be protected even if she or he is born because of sin. The child is innocent and didn’t sin in this way, the parents did.
Your husband may try to rationalize to her that he isn’t like that anymore, but I wouldn’t believe that for a second. Research has shown that someone with those tendencies VERY, VERY, VERY RARELY (if ever) can stop committing those types of crimes against children once they have started.
Also, if you have nieces, future granddaughters, or any other young girls over to your home, and your husband is anywhere near, you need to watch over them as diligently as you can. He is capable of doing this kind of thing to them as well.
LT gave great insight as to why you may still feel such love for your husband when he has hurt your family and you as he has. The feelings of past emotional attachment and the death of a dream for a loving family life together, can bring powerful emotional confusion and sadness. Lean into God for your pain, and to help you to sort out your feelings properly, and not into your own understanding, and He will direct your paths, as the Bible tells us.
Keep praying that God will help you to let go of emotions that can hurt you and your family. Keep praying that God will continue to heal your family and show you how to protect yourself and your son and your daughter from the pain that the enemy of our faith would like to bring into your home. And pray for a home, away from past and future emotional and physical dysfunction, that He can provide that will allow all of this to happen.
You have many people praying for you and your family, with my husband and me included. God Bless!
(SOUTH AFRICA (CAPE TOWN)) Hi All, LT and Cindy thank you for your encouragement. Cindy I told her, I told her about everything a couple of months ago, when they were still living in a different province. I phoned her to warn her about him because she is still so young. I warned her that it is not the first time that he is unfaithful to me. I told her about the abuse; I told her everything, but yet he managed to lie his way through.
The argument of last Thursday apparently caused trouble between the two of them and she wanted to leave. His sister told me last night that she told a mutual friend that her family and her friends do not want anything to do with her, except her parents, because of her relationship with him. It’s not because he is married, I doubt they know that, but because of a racial issue, she is white and he is colored. She has nobody here to run to.
I told my sister in law that what she is going through with him is her own doing now, because I warned her and told her what I have been going through in our marriage for the past nine years.
I just want to clear up one more thing, I filed for divorce, because God told me to. I don’t want the divorce, but I am being obedient. I have to. God is the only one who can stop this divorce from taking place, but then our plans are not God’s plans. It is very hard for me and I am sure what you all say about my emotional attachment to this person is the truth.
I am praying very hard that God gives me and my boys another place to live. I need to get away from there, because he comes into my place when I get home and does whatever he wants to. He switches on my P.C. and sits to do things on it. He is planning on marrying Ezelle — her name, once the divorce is final. But like I said, our plans are not God’s plans.
His sister told me last night that he looks so down and out, but I told her it was his own choice to do what he is doing. Girls, thanks for your prayers, Cindy thank your husband for me.
I was praying last night, asking the Lord to help me against bitterness, anger and hatred. I do not want any of that because I need my focus to be on Jesus and nobody else. I am tired, emotionally and physically, very tired. I just want to rest and have peace for me and my kids. Thank you all…..Love Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hello all. Leonie, O my word – I am just speechless! I am so shocked! I can imagine the kind of pain and disappointment you are experiencing. All I can say is be strong for your daughter and ask God to give you strength to carry on. I know you are praying – so am I (for you). You are strong!
To all the ladies here, I found that making a "personality prayer" helps a lot. As we all know "You are what you think". I found that asking God to transform you is very powerful. After I began to pray for God to make me a different woman – I became a different woman. I outlined the traits I felt had either been eroded by my anger and all the trials I’d faced. Then I prayed for God to make me a complete woman. I prayed for me to be vibrant, creative, wise, flamboyant, confident (not proud), virtuous, loving, caring, generous (not foolishly so), etc. This has helped me a lot in working to polish my character. I had to realise that these things don’t just HAPPEN – I must work for them.
As for Andrea – I also have to agree with LT and Lynne. Don’t rush. You see, part of you want to file for divorce just to make him stand up an notice you. But what if he doesn’t beg you to change your mind? Then what? That’s the danger with the temptation to play mind games – they don’t achieve what you want! The best thing to do is wait. I read an interesting piece of scripture in Habakkuk 2:2&3. Apply it in your marriage. Also Psalm 27 will strengthen you to be patient in the Lord. Remember, even when we have lost hope – He is all we can hold on to.
I know that when I feel like you do I immediately remember that even though I can be unfaithful – He is faithful, because He cannot disown himself. So my prayers for my marriage will ride not on how zealous I feel at the time – but entirely on God. I know my feelings will waiver and change from day to day, so I am no longer trusting in my strength or will to pray, but my hope is in God ENTIRELY. Another thing you can do is ask God to inspire you to be single-minded (Jeremiah 32:39), because being double minded may delay your answer. I know how you feel, so I hope you can also draw strength from the Word. If you don’t want to pray for your marriage – tell God, and tell Him why. Tell Him how frustrated you are, or fearful, or whatever you are feeling. Just tell Him, and you’ll see – He will give you clarity.
I know there was a time when I refused to read my Bible, and my book because I knew that they would tell me to pray and then I wouldn’t get my own way. It took me some time to acknowledge my selfishness and ask God to forgive me. Remember, staying in the marriage is an act of surrender to GOD, not a favor to your husband. You are doing all this to please Him.
Please continue and persevere in your prayers. Just know and understand that God will act in our best interest. You will find that when your marriage is restored, it was well worth the tears, fasting, praying etc. Oh, and don’t forget: “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Rom 5:1).
God bless you, and make all your enemies bow at your feet. I am praying for all you ladies. In faith, Dineo
(USA) Dineo, Hey it’s nice to meet you. I really like what you wrote and I really like the passage that you used. You are very insightful.
Leonie, I must admit that whenever I’ve written you it’s been very brief and I do not reference your specific situation with your marriage. Please don’t think it’s because I don’t care. I cry when I read your posts and I care very much about you. My Husband and I pray for you together almost every night, and I pray for you by myself more often. When reading your posts I have a hard time responding because quite honestly, I am speechless as well.
I also wanted to reflect more before I said anything. I was abused as a young child and I too learned as did your daughter, that forgiveness is a necessity to healing. When you don’t forgive someone, they take power over you. If you hold on to hurt and become bitter, then they keep that power. I can understand that you may not be able to forgive your soon to be ex-husband now but someday you’ll need to do that. You’re not only just letting a dream die, you are feeling so helpless because he still has power over you. This man sure did hurt you and you need time to heal. May the Lord heal you and comfort you.
I do not support divorce, but even more I don’t support ignoring the Lord’s instructions. If you are doing what you’re told to by GOD then you’re doing the right thing.
I will be praying continuously for you and your boys. I will also be praying for your estranged husband. His soul needs a lot of prayer. I pray for the young woman that is carrying his baby, and I pray for your daughter’s future.
Leonie, God loves you, and he takes care of his children. He’ll help you find a home, trust him. Until then… Love ya, LYNNE
(CANADA) Hey all it’s been a while since I wrote but I have been reading the messages daily. Leonie sorry for all the pain that you’re going through I honestly can’t imagine what you’re going through. Like Lynne, I didn’t know what to tell you so I just prayed for you and your husband. Please continue praying and asking God to give you a forgiving heart because unforgiveness and bitterness will destroy you. I can imagine it’s not easy, but we’re all praying for you. You can read the messages on BITTERNESS AND FORGIVENESS on this site; they’re helpful. Read Jeremiah 29:11-14 and keep those words in mind. Love you girl and you’re in my prayers.
Andrea please listen to what Lynne said and all the others. Don’t file for divorce, it’s not God’s plan. We’ve all been there wanting to give up and quiting but that’s not God’s plan trust me. God has a great plan for you. It takes a lot of patience, faith and perseverance to wait for God to do His work. Pray for that. I went through that period; we all have. It’s not easy, but keep in mind that you’re waiting for God to open the doors for you. You’re in my prayers both you and your husband. You’re not walking alone Jesus is right beside you.You can also read Jeremiah 32:27.
Lynne and Amber, I hope you’re both doing well. How are things now? I always pray for you and your spouses. As for me, things are slowly getting better. God is truly opening doors for us. We haven’t talked about things but I know we will on the day the Lord has chosen. Today is our 3rd year anniversary and I cried to God in thanksgiving because I remembered when I didn’t think we’d get to our 3rd year because my husband wanted out of the marriage. We are talking to each other nicely and getting along well. God is truly faithful and I know more doors are yet to open.
I wouldn’t have gone through any of this without all of you and you’re prayers. I honestly thank God for all of you. I continue praying that God will help me be a better wife than I was, and to change me to be the daughter He created me to be. I keep you all in my prayers love you all. Till later. God’s Blessings.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Everyone. All I can say is thank you. I have such a lot of love and friends praying for me and I am praying for all of you each day too. Thank you very much for your encouraging messages. It makes me cry every time I read it and it helps me get through the day. Our divorce is final on Monday. Please pray that our Lord gives me strength because this is something that He wants me to do. I am tired and asked God to help me rest in Him. I found out about another place to stay, so please help me pray that God comes through for me and my sons for this house. Thank you all once again. God Bless you and this site. It really is a God sent. Love you all lots…Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) This is to all the mothers and the soon to be mothers.
To the rejection, the hurt and the sleepless nights.
To the wet pillows, the stress and the memories.
To building a nation with your bare hands.
To raising children to become responsible adults.
To keeping men wondering what it takes to be as strong as you.
To many more great times.
Have a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY and may the good Lord bless you and keep you safe at all times.
I have a prayer that I want to share with you all too. It goes like this:
Dear Lord, it is hard when our kids grow up and slowly slip from being under our careful watch at all times. Lord, help me keep my eyes on You rather than my fears. Make me a wise mom not a fearful mom. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Love, Me