I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(SA) Hello All, Hi Andrea. I just want to tell you that I totally understand the frustration you are experiencing with praying for your marriage. I went through the same thing, for a long time. I even got to the point where I point blank refused to even read my Bible or anything that remotely suggested that I pray. What I didn’t realise was that I was blocking God and I was shutting Him out of my heart. I know how it feels.
But one remedy was for me to just sit all alone and tell God how much I hated the thought of praying for my Husband, and our marriage. I told Him everything that was going through my head, the frustration, confusion, hopelessness etc. That helped me incredibly. It took a LLLLOOONNNGGG time (hope you get my drift) for me to even begin praying properly for my marriage. We must guard ourselves against the tendency to rationalize, especially in our thoughts about our failing husbands (&consequently our marriages).
Praying for someone who broke your heart is not easy, and I know that. But Andrea, if the hopelessness becomes overwhelming, just remember that what God has put together NO MAN shall separate. Read a promise or two, and just hold on to that. It’s beautiful because the only thing that will not change is those promises, and God Himself. We will go up and down, in a seemingly never ending roller coaster – but as for God and the Word, they are steady and unchanging. So it’s best we just trust in that.
In the meantime, go out and treat yourself to a movie or something. Like today, my husband took the baby, and I was so stressed because I kept wondering whether "she" would be there. I prayed about it, and God told me to relax. So, I am going to have some MUCH NEEDED me time, and I am going to watch a movie all alone! It will be my first time ever (alone), but I really need it!
I hope all you ladies will have a great weekend. And Cindy, thank you so much for that message. I prayed after reading it, and really, I have cast all by baggage unto Him, even those seemingly small packs (they have a bad habit of somehow growing into unbearable bales of sorrow after a while!). I know that I am not beating the air aimlessly concerning fighting for my marriage. I just know that God is already bringing things together. It’s amazing because there’s no tangible evidence if that happening. It’s just the trust I have in Him. God is faithful, and He will not let me down, and if not me (because I am human, and a terrible sinner-so I am prone to err), He definitely won’t let Himself down.
Hope you will all enjoy your weekend and may God continue to work. Just a thought for us as we have started fighting for our marriages, we must be CONFIDENT of this, that He who has begun a GOOD work in us [&our marriages, families, hearts, etc] will carry it to completion! So, do not dismay – God never starts something He will not FINISH! So we must be the same in Spirit. Lets run this race and COMPLETE it – we will receive our crowns! God bless you all abundantly In faith, Dineo
(SA) Hi Ladies, I hope you all had a nice relaxing weekend. My hubby & I spent the weekend alone together with his family and friends – but no kids – which was nice and gave us some time together – to a certain degree.
Anne, thanks for the advice. I know that it is satan that is trying to come between us. I know that he is using it against us, as I am praying for Gods’ strength and wisdom and transformation in our marriage. But some days he just makes it so much harder, cos I allow satan to take control. Which I know is wrong and NOT of GOD’S plans, but it’s not always so easy. Please pray that I will continue to grow in my faith and that I will stand strong and firm. Pray that God WILL and CAN transform our marriage. HE brought us together, therefor I feel that HE has a plan for us as a couple for the future.
Thanks to all of you, for your encouragement! Like Andrea, I understand the down and weary feeling, as this comes, when we allow satan to have that stronghold on us, but we must stand up and SHOUT it from the mountains that we are HIS chosen children, and that satan has no claim over us, as we are washed by Jesus’ blood. Enjoy your day. Much love, Sue
(USA) Hey Ladies, Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve been on. My family is passing around a very unpleasant flu bug. I just read all of the posts since then however, and I must say. Cindy, Wow what you wrote was awesome. It really reminded me of situations in my life where the Lord gave me strength, and when he used me to give strength. I never quite looked at it like that before though. HUH! That’s really cool.
Andrea, Sweetie what is happening to you and your faith right now is not something of insignificance so please don’t consider your situation unworthy of attention in comparison to others. You’re hurting right now and I know what that is like. We all do. You’re stronger than you realize, God made you that way for a reason.
You were questioning why God gave you this man as your husband. God does everything with for a purpose. Maybe he didn’t give this man to you. Maybe he gave you to this man. Maybe he is trying to use you to guide your husband. Whatever His reasons were/are TRUST HIM. I know how hard that is right now but believe Him and Trust him. Check out Matthew 11:28 as Cindy suggested previously. If you bring this burden to him he will give you rest and you wont have to question or be in waiting. You are having a hard time praying now because you’re at that point where your either going to surrender it (fully) or not. Trust Him and let God have it.
Andrea my heart has cried those same cries. I truly understand how hopelessness feels. I don’t know if you’ve read everything I’ve posted on here about my own struggles but I am truly blessed to have found such a great support network here. God brought me to this site. I never imagined that my marriage could have survived all it has. We got married very quickly, eloped, just like you all did and had a reception at the in-laws similar to yours. So don’t think because of how you all married that your marriage never had a chance because I used to blame that too. Marriages need to be built on GOD. He needs to be the foundation. Regardless of any of the circumstances surrounding a marriage as long as it has a good foundation the union will succeed. Andrea, how is your foundation? Don’t turn away from God now because you feel alone; there is only one set of footprints now because he is carrying you. I love ya girl and I hope you can feel what I say.
Anne, I am doing great girl. Thanks for asking. My husband and I have been getting into a bunch of little fights lately but we’ve been resolving them quite quickly. God is good, he truly is. I know that you’re still worrying about this "friendship" but that’s the devil. Look at all the positives: they’re not working together, you all are in the same room now, your husband WANTS to work on things. Those are examples of GOD at work.
I know it’s hard because every time my husband wants to hang out with his group of friends I always wonder if someone else is going to be there (the girl he was attracted to). I’ve yet to hand that to Him yet, but I will. So far I’ve been brought along so it hasn’t been an issue yet. I love ya girl, and I’ll keep you and your hubby in my prayers as always.
Ladies I continue to pray for you all. Love ya, Lynne
(UNITED STATES) Hello Everyone! How is everyone? I am glad to see everyone is hanging in there and standing for their marriages! Your words are all very encouraging. I have some rather happy news to report. Yesterday God touched my heart and answered my prayers. I was told that I was to stand, and stand firm, for the healing of my marriage. I know that I must, and I can do this alone. It’s so funny that you wrote that perhaps I was given to my husband, Lynne, to bring him to God. This very thing was revealed to me this past summer… but I did not act on it accordingly.
I am grateful for the answer to my prayers. There were so many signs of what I was supposed to do, but I suppose I wanted to wallow in the depths of despair for just a moment longer. God, all along, has been trying to draw me (and my family) closer to him, and I know that what is God’s will, shall be done… and He most certainly will remove all distractions to get the job done. Most importantly though, God is strengthening me for the betterment of those around me. He knows, and so do I (now), that I must be secure in my own faith and understanding of God if I am to be of service to my family. I can’t do my job, which I know he has brought us together for the purpose of serving him, without the proper training. It’s like any job you are assigned, you must first know what the task is and how to do it. I hope I am making sense to all of you….
With those words I encourage you all to listen carefully to what God is trying to tell you (right now); why are you facing these circumstances, perhaps the answer is not so convoluted or hidden from view, as you think (or I once thought) perhaps it was revealed to you before but burden after burden have rendered it almost completely hidden or at least unrecognizable. It’s amazing the clarity the Lord provides, but what’s even more amazing is when he gives it to you… exactly when you need it. I have to lol at circumstances at least while I can, (I know you guys understand that) because the devil is a LIE and oh so desperate and pathetic. But we must realize that we give him his power, without us he is actually nothing at all considering that GOD is everything and everything is God.
But OK, I won’t go off the deep end, on this post. I just feel so wonderful. I took the advise of putting all my burdens in a box and handing them over to God, and GLORY to God, my spirit is lightened and prayer and joy are in abundance in my heart and spirit. I must admit I was more than a little skeptical at first. I was almost sure it was not going to work, but I figured I had nothing to lose. And I suppose I had a mustard seed of faith and well, I am sure you guys can see a difference in my attitude!
I won’t keep you all reading much more of this, but trust in God ladies, trust in the gift or gifts he has given you and follow the purpose God has revealed in your life… Do not be afraid to lay your burdens down and don’t be afraid to ask for big things from our God, remember our God is a mighty God and big is what God does best…
Think Big, Dream Big, Love Big
Think God, Dream God, Love God… Andrea
(USA) Hi Andrea, that post is AWESOME! I LOVE spiritual insights and when God shows things to people – the way out of the hole.
I really took that to heart, too, because I think there were probably bits and pieces of what you’ve learned and gone through that are for all of us in some small way so I hope God gives us all the eyes to see which parts of what you (and others) write are for us.
Anyway- I found your post VERY wonderful, inspiring and uplifting.
The one thought I had to one of your posts – your thoughts on how your marriage started out (i.e., did God bring you two together, etc.) – well I hear that a lot from married people and it’s a normal reaction. And let’s face it – there ARE marriages out there where you KNOW God did not arrange them (like two people who are already married, having an affair, eventually dumping the spouse to marry each other – NOT of God) but I believe the way to look at it is this: regardless of why/how you got married, once you (either spouse) becomes a Christian and brings God into the marriage, that marriage then belongs to God and the past doesn’t matter.
It’s like with sin – once you see it, confess it and repent; it’s forgiven. It’s erased. Once you bring God into a marriage, the past circumstances are erased.
I wish I’d known that a LONG time ago. I spent WAY too long focusing on how I thought my marriage was began in selfish reasons (on my part) and wallowed in that, for lack of proper information, so I’d like anyone reading this and wondering about how your marriage got started (whether it was right or not), it doesn’t matter after you bring God into the picture. He is the master at cleaning up our messes isn’t He? Anyway – thanks, Andrea, for writing. Love to all, LT
(USA) Andrea, Praise God! You’re awesome! I knew you’d get there. If you need someone to help with your "training" if you will, please call your pastor or start with Cindy and/or Steve? They’ve helped so many already and get started right away because the devil will be trying to discourage you. If God has told you what you need to do than by all means pursue that with all your might. I pray you learn what you need to be a planter and water-er, and I pray protection on you from the devil’s pathetic attempts to discourage you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. Love Ya. Love, Lynne
(SA) Morning all, LT you said something that really touched my heart, and it is something that I thought I had done, inviting God into my marriage. When I read what you wrote, I realised, that I didn’t allow HIM to come in completely, and that is the reason why I am still worrying about things that I have given to GOD. Thanks.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, It has been a while…..was just very busy with my boys having the flu. But I am back now. How is everybody doing? I pray that you are all blessed.
I am doing ok, My in-laws (ex) told me to move on Saturday. They don’t want me and the boys there any longer. I don’t have a place yet, but I trust God and I know that He is preparing a place for me and the boys and that we will be moving in soon. Their father was also involved in this because he and his mother discussed it beforehand.
It is fine, God gave me peace. I just have to repent about pride, because I don’t greet his mother anymore and I repent about it. I will start greeting her again from today. You see her son and his girlfriend want to move into the place me and the boys are staying in and that is why they want us out. But it is still ok.
You all know the story of Samson. Well, he sinned against God and when he stood there between the pillars, God showed him something even though his eyes were removed. God still made everything work out to His favor. Everyone of the people that Samson had to kill were in the arena and God had a divine setup in place. It would have taken Samson 52 years to kill everyone that God wanted him to, but God got them all together in one place in one day and in one moment He killed them all.
I just want to give you some encouragements today with the following: THE STORY OF THE THREE TREES
Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don’t need anything special from my tree so I’ll take this one", and he cut it down."
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.
The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.
Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree.
The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.
Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn’t think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it.
When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that when things don’t seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.
We don’t always know what God’s plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best. Jeremiah 29:11
Have a great day! Be blessed and don’t stop praying for me and my boys please. I am praying for all of you. Love you all.
(NAMIBIA) Hi to all you ladies. This is my first time submitting a comment. I’ve been reading some of your comments which are truly amazing. I’ve discovered my husband had an affair for 2 months. This totally destroyed my life as we were happily married for 10 years. I could not believe it, cause I knew he loved me very much. I felt I had nothing to live for, not even my 2 kids.
A friend of mine referred me to this Pastor. He helped me to realise that I needed God in my life. I’ve accepted Jesus as my Saviour and since then I’ve been praying to God to bring my husband back to me. He returned, but things are very difficult at the moment. I pray and talk to God every moment I can. He has done so much for me and my kids, I will never stop going to Him. My favorite verse that keeps me going is Mark 9 v 23: Jesus said to him: If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes. Have a blessed day.
(USA) Lande, Hello and it’s very nice to meet you. I read your post and I must say Praise the Lord, God is Good! Welcome to the truth that is Jesus. You’re in great company. It makes my heart sing when someone accepts Jesus into their hearts. I know I’ll get to see them and you in heaven. The verse you used was beautiful.
Continue praying for your husband and your relationship. It’s not over just because he’s physically back. Have you checked out the surviving infidelity link on this site? There is some awesome information in there on how to handle the awkwardness. Yeah, things are going to be tense for a while and you’ll both be walking on egg shells for some time to come. I pray that He gives you strength and protects you from the devil’s pathetic attempts at wavering you. Is your husband a believer? Even if he is not, might I suggest that you invite him to meet with you and your pastor? If he’s not the type to go, maybe you could invite your pastor over for dinner with your family and talk afterwards? (And he will make you fishers of men.) Talking to someone made you realize the truth and gave you peace it’ll probably do the same thing for him.
I will pray for that, and for your two babies. It’s so nice meeting you and congratulations on your salvation. It’s the most wonderful thing there is. Love ya. Love, LYNNE
P.S Leonie what a beautiful story. You’re so right. God does have a plan for you and your boys and He will provide for you. I love you girl. Your family will be in my prayers always. Keep your head up!
(USA) Hi Leonie, I’ll pray some more for a new home for you and the boys. Thanks for the update and a very special and hearty thanks for your story – I REALLY love that!
It came at the perfect time for me. I’m having a rough couple of weeks in my own marriage and have been getting lots of little messages here and there – yours was the latest. Keep my and my family in your prayers. I’m just feeling my way through (blindly, it feels, most of the time) like all the rest of you lovely ladies.
What I "wish" for (like the trees), most of all is to be able to have a conversation with my spouse and not wonder whether or not it will end nicely or in another round of my husband yelling profanities at me and getting angry and wanting to leave, because of something I said. Subjects that are too touchy and I think he takes things too personally, even though I keep an even tone of voice most of the time and, as far as I know, speak without disrespect. The worst is when you’re just blindsided with it all together. Your evening it going along nicely and you actually can talk to your spouse and then, whammo, everything hits the fan, almost out of nowhere. Since we have our own activities during the day, obviously after bedtime for our son is usually the only time for "deep" discussion. I so crave that (I seem to be finding my girlfriends less and less communicative), yet it seems the one thing that still eludes me and us, as a couple. For now, I’m just going to do all my "deep talking" to God and in my spiritual journal. It’s not quite as good or the same, but it’s still better than nothing. Perhaps that is God’s will right now, anyway.
Do any of you ever wonder if God only meant marriage conversations to be "pleasantries" and nothing deeper? I crave deeper conversation but have to wonder if I’m just wanting that based on the "world’s" version of love shown through movies, etc. Do any of you ever wonder about that, and, better yet, have any insights/answers you feel led to share?
There is a verse in the Bible that talks about time being short and living as though you had no spouse. I Corinthians 7:29, I think. The idea is that when you have a spouse and, particularly, when things are strained, it can be an opportunity for Satan to come in and once that happens the focus on God becomes less. And since time is short, the idea is to just move on and not focus on it as much. Focus on God, regardless of whether life is picture perfect or not. SO…..that verse seems to resonate with me a lot lately. Anyway – blah blah blah – that’s what’s puzzling me lately.
I’m currently reading "Not I, But Christ" by Corrie ten Boom and it is SOOO wonderful. She has such serious insights. I’m probably going to post some quotes from that soon – I know you all will really like them!! I sure do!!
Thanks for all your posts! With love, LT
(CANADA) Hey all. I’ve just read all your posts and they’re all wonderful. Andrea you definitely sound cheerful and I’m so happy for you. As for me, I am not doing great. This just happened about two hours ago. I told you all what I’ve been going through and I’ve been praying.
Lynne, what you said was true. There are positive things that God has truly done and I wrote all of them in my journal and that helped. When my husband picked me up from work he got a txt and he said there’s something up with his cell. He took it apart and I asked him who the txt was from. He said it didn’t show. (Our cells always show.) All that it showed was 26 txt messages. Honestly, I was there and really doubted he was being honest and that changed my mood.
When we got home he asked what was wrong and I said nothing. He asked me again and he told me he could see something was wrong so I told him what I thought and he got mad. He asked me if I thought it was Christina (the other gal) and I said I didn’t know but that’s what I suspected. As you can imagine, that was the end of a good evening. I left and went to the room and I don’t know where the tears came from but I just cried and I prayed and asked God what the truth is when it comes to this situation.
A while ago he asked me if this is how our marriage will be like? We talked or rather argued for a bit and he told me what frustrates him is when he sees there’s something wrong, I don’t say (a habit I’m working on). I just said sometimes it’s easier and it avoids arguments.
Well, we were to talk today and we were gonna go for coffee. I wonder, we were talking and laughing before all that, and now we are in separate rooms. He’s watching TV and I’m writing this. I wonder is all this satan’s plan? What is the truth? I know I’m having a hard time trusting him. Anything he does that seems odd, I just get all worked up and keep it to myself. I don’t wanna fight about this anymore. How am I supposed to express to him how I feel, without him getting all upset about it? We’ve been getting along so great and now this? I hope we’ll be able to talk nicely without arguing coz I’m tired of feeling like I have to be on guard all the time. I guess I wonder what God’s plan is. I know He has one. Please pray for us. Thank you.
Lande, I know the feeling but trust me, keep on praying and pray that you may be able to forgive both of them. That’s what I need. I’ll pray for you. It won’t be easy all the time, but don’t give up, God has a plan for your marriage. Nothing is impossible with Him.
LT, I’ll keep you and your husband in my prayers. You’ve really helped me with great advice and God has way out for all us. I’m just glad He brought all of us together. Love you all in my prayers always.
(USA) Hey Ladies, Good morning to you all. I guess some have not slept very well. Anne, Girl, It was the devil tearing you guys down. Things have been going well and the devil hates that. Also Anne, maybe you need to sit Steve down and talk to him about your trust issues. He needs to understand that how things are now, is not going to be how your marriage is going to always be. However he needs to earn your trust back. That is not something that is going to happen over night and I am sure he’ll understand that. It takes a long time to build trust, it only takes a moment to betray that trust, and it takes even longer to re-build trust.
Ask him how he’d feel if the tables were turned and you’d betrayed his trust in you? It’s ok to let him know that he’s going to have to make an effort to gain your trust again. Some of the things he’s been doing well… it’s not hard to see how those help keep the situation going, and keep you insecure. It’s ok to tell him that you’re still insecure. It’s not like this happened years ago now. I am sure he’ll understand that it’s going to take some time and effort. It’ll be ok Anne, God has got the both of you in his hands right now and I believe that you’ll both be ok. I pray protection over you and your husband from the attacks of satan.
LT, You are my girl. When I first posted on this site in a most desperate hopeless moment, you were the first person who responded. You told me what I need to hear to keep going then. Do you remember what you said to me? You told me to draw closer to GOD and my light would shine through in my spouse in time. That has stayed with me ever since then because you were so right.
Did you read the Emotionally Distant Husband article and/or book? LT, what your husband is doing when he snaps at you or yells profanities, is a method of deterrence. He doesn’t want to deal with whatever issue you’re addressing so he causes a fight or does something to distract you from the issue. It’s a method of avoiding emotions and dealing with emotions. Revisit that article. It explains it much better. What I am saying is LT, don’t take it to heart when he says hurtful things, but don’t tolerate being disrespected. Let him know in a respectful way that he’s hurting your feelings and leave it at that.
I love you so much Anne, & LT. You two have really been a contributing factor to the survival of my marriage thus far. I know that the only reason you all are having troubles right now is because the devil hates that you are helping others (like me) save their marriages too. So he’s attacking your own to distract you both. I am so happy for both of you because these pathetic attempts have no comparison to the great strides your marriages and faith have made. Focus on the positive and stay focused on the your faith and relationship with HIM. I love all of you. LOVE, LYNNE
(CANADA) Hey Lynne thanks a lot for your words. What happened yesterday was truly the work of the enemy. Last night my husband switched off his cell then today in the morning, after he left for work, my cell kept on ringing and it showed my hubby’s number. I figured that there’s something up with his cell coz even when I tried to dial his number it wouldn’t go through. That’s when I thought of yesterday and I wondered, was he being honest?
Anyway he called me and told me that his cell kept on dialing the number that he last called and the txt messages showed that they came from his cell. It showed his number. At that moment I realised what had happened. Last night I spent time with God and I was honest with Him and told Him how I felt about the whole situation –how afraid I am of trusting my husband and how I feel about the other gal and how much hatred I have.
I cried and opened up to Him and just said I’m willing to forgive my husband and Christina but I don’t know how. I listed all the things that my husband has done that are making me angry even when things are going great. I tell you, I realised there’s a lot I haven’t forgiven. I just asked Him to guide me through the whole thing. I asked God to show me the truth about the situation that happened last evening. This morning when my husband left without even saying goodbye, I knew he was still upset. Then I just prayed and asked God whether I made a mistake last evening and if I did, I need to know. That’s when the whole cell thing happened and I realised my insecurities and lack of trust led to all that. I saw how I fell into satan’s trap coz I thought of all the feelings I’ve been going through. And I saw how he’s trying to destroy what God is building and restoring. I asked God to forgive me and to guide me through all this.
I know we need to talk and that’s what I’ve been trying to do, but he did tell me that we’d talk tonight. I know he has to gain my trust coz honestly, I don’t like doubting everything that he does. Just pray for me gal, to know and be able to forgive them. I won’t let satan win. Thanks Lynne. Love you gal.
LT, Lynne has said something that’s very true. You’ve been there for me/us so much. I prayed for you last night. Actually I prayed for all of us women to have the strength of God and to have perseverance and patience. I also prayed for our husbands a lot. LT, the way you feel the need to have that deep talk with your husband is normal. We women love that. To me, talking brings healing. Just ask God to guide you. He has all the answers. Like Lynne said, men have it rough when something is hurting them they never want to face it. We’re the opposite of that. Just don’t give up girl. He has a great plan for you and He has helped you grow spiritually so much.
It’s not an easy road but God knows all that has happened in our lives. He already knew and knows the challenges and the pain we face. The best thing is that He has the answers. All we need is to seek them from Him. We love you and you’re in our prayers you can read Deuteronomy 31:8. Love you all and thank you for your prayers. Pray for our talk tonight. I’m not canceling it for anything.
(USA) Anne, That is awesome! I’ll be in prayer for your talk. Love ya! Hey has anyone heard from Andrea?