I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(UNITED STATES) Hello Everyone! First I want you all to know my prayers are with you! I love each and everyone of you! You are all remarkable courageous women and you inspire me to be not only a better woman, but a better person all around!
Landi! Hello and welcome! I know right now you are going through a tough time, but as anyone on here can tell you, it will get better, then worse, then ok, then great, then worse…etc…you get the picture? The main thing you can do right now is strengthen your relationship with God and ask for guidance. This can be accomplished through prayer…even if you don’t know what to pray nor have the desire ( a situation I found myself in) God will find a way to deliver his message to you!
Leoni! I am praying for you and your boys… You have a keen sense of understanding, so I am confident you are keeping God and your boys close to your heart throughout this ordeal. Your faith will see you through.
Anne! It is so good to hear (read) your words again! I missed your posts and have been wondering how you are doing! I am sorry to hear that the devil is up to its old tricks again, but we all know that is to be expected…it’s just amazing how the devil (always) manages to sneak a quick one in on us… I think it absolutely necessary that you take Lynn’s advise and talk to your husband about your trust issues with him. You’ve every right to voice your concerns. At the same time I do caution you against wanting an answer an explanation for everything that hurts your heart. Some things are better left unasked and unanswered, especially if you’ve made a conscious decision to move forward. Give your husband the opportunity to be forgiven, while you give him the opportunity to earn your trust…a very hard task indeed…
For LT, (and everyone) have you ever read "An Outrageous Commitment: The 48 Vows of an Indestructible Marriage"? It is an awesome book! I recommend that each night, even if you have to read it aloud as your husband falls asleep, you read a commitment (out loud to your husband) they give a lot of insight to how men and women view things differently The setting of the book is awesome, it’s about Adam and Eve and how they work through their marriage problems (similar to our own) with the help of God.
I also suggest again "The five Languages of Love", this is dealing with how best to communicate love to your spouse…very insightful. I don’t think God intended our marriages to be devoid of deep connections, in fact I believe he wanted the exact opposite. Our spouses, I believe, God intended to not only be a reflection of us but also a compliment to us. In our highly individualized secular world, this sort of harmony, the original nature of marriage, is hard to find. That does not mean that is not what was intended, nor does it mean it is not attainable, we must work harder to get it is all. Your relationship with your husband can, given time, patience, prayer, practice, love, and faith, be everything you’ve dreamed and more. It can be a reflection of your relationship with God personified, minus the perfection (lol) but you both must have unyielding hearts and minds (that’s what takes the time) …and for that we must pray diligently.
Lynn!!! How are you girl! I hope all is well, I just want to thank you for being the rock for us right now in our many moments of crisis! Thank you so much for being there for me when I really needed someone, a spiritual hug (LT too!), and a reminder that there is still hope! I pray everything is going well with you and the many lessons you are learning!
To everyone, again thank you all. As you can tell from my posts, I am rather cheery these days…and it is not because I have reconciled with my husband. I have not. And in fact there is no indication of that happening anytime in near future…but what has changed is my focus and perspective. I am now viewing all of this as my own personal blessing. This is my journey towards fulfillment and joy, and God has not steered me wrong yet, why start doubting him?
Do not get me wrong, the pain and anger are still embers in my heart, but I am learning to trust God more, to open up to God more, to rely on God more, to just be….and to be satisfied with just being what it is he intended me to be. I am also learning to listen to God. He speaks rather clearly to me, I just don’t always listen or try to re-interpret what it is he has said to me. (Lynn, our discernment discussion really made me think.) The story of the trees really hits home for me. God really and truly does give us what we ask for, if not directly then most certainly he gives us the opportunity to get what we asked for. God truly is wonderful.
I would write more ladies, but I am sooooo pooped….lol…I will pray for you all! Keep God on your speed dial, Andrea
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies. I was feeling a bit down this morning about everything that is going on in my life, but my sister encouraged me again so in Our Saviour, I feel better now. Thanks for everybody’s love and prayers for me and my boys. I love all of you and Cindy, I thank God for this website it is really a blessing. God bless you Cindy and each and everyone of you.
I just want to give everyone a little inspiration today. My sister always gives me this scripture: Deuteronomy 3:22. Here is a story for you once again. Enjoy.
A teacher in New York decided to honour each of her seniors in High School by telling them the difference each of them had made. She called each student to the front of the class one at a time. First, she told each of the how they had made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold letters, which read, “Who I am makes a Difference.”
Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community.
She gave each student three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honoured who, and report to the class in about a week.
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company, and honoured him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, “We’re doing a class project on recognition, and we’d like for you to go out, find someone to honour, and give them a blue ribbon.
Later that day, the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had a reputation of being kind of a grouchy fellow. He told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon, and give him permission to put it on him. His boss said, “Well, sure.” The junior executive took one of the blue ribbons and placed it right on his boss’s jacket, above his heart. And then he asked, offering him the last ribbon, “Would you take this extra ribbon, and pass it on by honouring somebody else? The teenager who gave me these is doing a school project, and we want to keep this ribbon ceremony going and see how it affects people.”
That night the boss came home and sat down with his 14 year old son. He said, “The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office, and one of my employees came in and told me he admired me, and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I am a creative genius. Then he put a blue ribbon on me that said, “Who I am makes a difference.” He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honour. As I was driving home tonight I started thinking about who I would honour with this ribbon, and I thought about you. I want to honour you. My days are hectic and when I come home, I don’t pay a lot of attention to you. I yell at you for not getting good enough grades and for your messy bedroom. Somehow tonight I just wanted to sit here and well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You’re a great kid, and I love you.”
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he could not stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, “Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom, explaining why I had taken my life, and I asked you to forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn’t think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don’t think I’ll need it after all.”
His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain.
The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch, but made sure to let all of his employees know that they made a difference.
The junior executive helped many other young people with career planning, one being the boss’s son and never forgetting to let them know that they made a difference in his life.
In addition the young man and his classmates learned a valuable lesson: Who you are does make a difference.
I’m passing the blue ribbon to all of you. Have an awesome day. And remember, to have God in our life does not mean sailing on a boat with no storms, it means having a boat that no storm can sink. Love you all. Enjoy the weekend. Rest in our Lord and Saviour.
(SOUTH AFRICA) To Andrea, I just want to tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling. I am going through a tough time right now and feel down and emotional, then God uses somebody to build up my hope and courage in Him. I am still hurt and angry at my ex-husband, now, his pregnant girlfriend and my ex-mother in-law, who brings his girlfriend into the house whenever she feels like it and doesn’t care how I would feel about it, because they have no respect for me.
But do you know what Andrea? God carries me through and I can walk with my head up high, knowing that I am secure in him. I have no money for food for my kids for the rest of the month, the weekend and the rest of the week, but God is my provider and though my flesh wants to worry, God is telling to be still and know that He is God. It is difficult to trust anybody, especially somebody that you have to have faith in. I know, I always had faith in God, but in the passing years I lost it somewhere when my parents passed away.
And do you know what? God has brought me out of there with a bang. Me divorcing my husband is a blessing in disguise for me because now I can discover who I am in God. You see, my husband belongs to a church that does not believe in being born again. They follow their own rules. I could not go to my own church, he forbade me to do that. And now God has broken that hold over me and He is in control of my life once again. Never ever will I leave Him again, Did you watch the movie, Facing the Giants or Faith like a potato? Watch it; it is worth it.
There is a saying between me and my sister that goes: Saul saw Goliath and said, he is too big to kill, but David saw Goliath and said he is too big to miss. I try had have David’s attitude and always, always gives God his word back, especially Deuteronomy 3:22, because I cannot fight the enemy, on my own. I am nobody, but in Christ we are soldiers, bold and strong, and always victorious. Be blessed my sisters God loves us and if He is for us who can be against us. Love you all. Leonie
(UNITED STATES) Hi Everyone, This is my first time to post on this site. So glad I found this. It’s been very helpful. The problem I’m having is that my husband and I are separated. Actually, he was upset about a lot of things in his life, his work where they didn’t treat him fairly (he worked for my family which made everything seem worse than it really was), he was approaching the age of 52 and he suddenly felt he was getting old, some problems with our kids and some things I did that he didn’t like. With all of this going on, he was just so frustrated that he met another woman and decided he didn’t care anymore and they started seeing each other.
My husband is a Christian and knows he is doing wrong, but even after I found out about her, he admitted he was seeing her and continued to see her. He made me believe he was planning to leave and go live with her. Yet when I would ask he would never say when he was leaving me, he would only smile and not know what to say. I finally came across the "Love Must Be Tough" book by Dr. James Dobson. I took his advice and created a crisis of major proportions – I asked my husband to leave if he wouldn’t stop seeing the other woman. He did have a moment when he mentioned that if he decided to stay with me that I would never forgive him and I’d never feel the same way again towards him. I told him that wasn’t true, that it’s never too late to stop doing the wrong thing and turn around and do what’s right.
I thought he would change his mind and stay with me, but he left. My heart was so broken…after almost 30 years of marriage. The problem is that he still comes to our home to visit our son who is 7. While he is here he tries to have sex with me. A few times he has succeeded. But finally just recently I told him he can no longer visit our son at our home. I said I will bring our son to him and they can spend time together and I will meet them somewhere other than our home for him to return our son to me. I told him he cannot have the best of both worlds. He wants me when it’s convenient for him, but then he runs off to his other life with the other woman. I said if I cannot have him 100%, then it’s better that he stays away from me.
Our son doesn’t know his dad has moved out, he just thinks he is very busy doing things and can’t be with him much. My husband wants to tell our son he has moved out and take our son to his house on the weekends where he lives with the other woman. I told him that I feel this is the wrong thing to do, because our little boy will learn from this that if you have problems you just run away from them, instead of trying to work them out. Has anyone had a similar situation and what have you done? Thanks for any help.
(NAMIBIA) Hi Ladies, it’s nice to meet you all. Thank you all for the encouragement it means a lot to me. You are right Lynne, I will keep on praying for my husband, cause he is a non-believer. I’ve read some of the articles on surviving infidelity. It made me realise how tough things are going to be. I thought that getting a divorce would be much easier but then again, God has other plans for me.
My husband went to see the Pastor on his own and they had a talk. I trust God spoke through the Pastor with him, cause when he returned I said that he wants to fix things with me and the kids. I went for a healing prayer at church. This was a powerful moment for me as afterwards I felt so empty, like there was no more hurt or pain. I cried and then I realised that although I’m not completely healed this was my first step to recovery FORGIVENESS.
When my husband was away I started having a Bible study time with my kids and I must say God blessed us. Each night one of us will read from the Bible and pray and it is absolutely amazing what God has done with them. When their father was not living at home, they were so protective of me. I just thanked God for this change in our lives.
Thanks Andrea, you know sometimes I cried and questioned God why this had to happen to me, but I am getting there to accept that He will get me through this mess. I don’t know if you heard of Angus Buchan. He is a farmer whose life story was turned into a movie called : "Faith like Potatoes". This is an incredible story. He lives his life according to Hebrew 11 v 1. He was this weekend in Namibia and the experience was truly awesome. Thank you all once again and I will keep all of you in my prayers. Stay blessed God loves us. God may not come through for us in the way we have hoped He would or thought He should, but He will always come through for us. God’s plans ensure that our FINAL OUTCOME will be a good one.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good Morning Ladies. I hope you had a good weekend, I had a blessed one. When I got home from church yesterday, my ex husband and his girlfriend were sitting in the house with his mother. Yesterday afternoon they were having lunch there. I just burst out laughing because it is all so funny to me now. They are not even ashamed of their sin. Satan really has a hold on lots of people in this world and all we can do is to pray for them.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not easy for me, but you know what God showed me yesterday, that our blessings in life is not spiritual gifts, not natural gifts, but it is the privilege to have Jesus Christ in our lives. That is why we are blessed. Because If God is for us who can be against us?
The hymn words I want to share with you is:
Shout for the battle is won
Shout for we overcome
The walls are tumbling down.
My battle is won because according to God’s word in Deuteronomy 3:22, this is not my fight, so I say and do nothing. I do not allow it to hurt me. I am taking off that jacket of pain piece by piece. I am an overcomer, through Jesus who died for me.
I just want to encourage all of you with some more with words from Keith Overturf. Have a good day, love you all very much:
Four Anchors
One of my uncles had a tattoo of an anchor emblazoned on his arm. I admired that emblem. As a boy I toyed with the thought of one day having my own anchor tattoo. The closest I ever came was a tattoo out of a Cracker-Jack box. I later realized that I was more fascinated with the purpose and function of an anchor.
Anchors come in many sizes and weights. Some are a few pounds and some are a few tons in weight. All anchors though serve essentially the same purpose – to catch hold of the bottom of the deep and hold the ship in place. Without an anchor a ship could not be held in place. The wind and waves would drive it along. The anchor gives stability.
We all need an anchor in our lives to hold us in place and give stability against the waves and winds of adversity. Many have lost their moorings and are adrift in a sea of turbulence and trouble. In America storms of economic, cultural, moral, and spiritual tumult are raging around us. Families, marriages, and lives are being broken apart. Do you have an anchor to hold you in place and give you stability?
The apostle Paul had much experience with rough and perilous seas. He tells us that he was shipwrecked three times and once spent a whole day and night adrift at sea. (2 Corinthians 11:22-33) Paul was arrested for his testimony of Jesus Christ and was put on a ship bound for Rome to be put on trial and imprisoned. Before Paul could get to Rome the ship encountered a ferocious storm at sea. The ship lost its sails and was beginning to break apart. The ship’s crew was afraid they would soon be driven against the rocks, “so they threw out four anchors from the back of the ship and prayed for daylight” (Acts 27:29 NLT).
The sailors put down four anchors to try to hold the ship in place. But Paul put down four spiritual anchors that saved their lives. An anchor tattooed on your arm won’t save your life but these four anchors tattooed on your heart and put into practice will hold you in place and save your life through any storm. (Acts 27)
First – Paul PRAYED. Jonah prayed from inside the belly of a whale. Daniel prayed from a lion’s den. Paul and Silas prayed at midnight from a dark dungeon. (Acts 16) Paul prayed to a God who hears and answers prayer. (Psalm 118; Philippians 4:6-7) Prayer is an anchor for your soul.
Second – Paul had THE WORD OF GOD. God sent an angel and assured Paul that there would be no loss of life. “Therefore, take heart, men, for I believe God that it will be just as it was told me” (Acts 27:25). Storms may rage and things may change but God’s Word will never change. (Luke 21:33) Believe His promises and they will anchor you to the Rock of Ages.
Third – Paul OBEYED GOD. He instructed and warned them about the consequences of not obeying the Word of God. (Acts 27:21) An old hymn reminds us, “Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.” David writes about this key to success and security in Psalm 119. Obedience to God and His Word is a firm anchor.
Fourth – Paul’s HOPE OF SALVATION was the anchor of his soul. “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul . . . even Jesus” (Hebrews 6:19). The sailors put down four anchors and hoped and prayed for daylight.
Friend, “Through the tender mercy of our God, with which the Dayspring from on high has visited us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace”(Luke 1:78). The Daystar, Jesus, has a risen victorious. Jesus is the anchor that holds to the solid rock.Be sure to put these four anchors deep down in your heart as an anchor for your soul. Commit your life to Christ. (Psalm 37:3-7) The Lord Jesus will hold you in place.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi ladies. Why is everybody so quiet? Nobody is putting down any comments. I had a bad night last night and had to repent and lay in front of the Lord. When I walked in from work, she was playing with my baby of 3 yrs old and I got so angry. Why is she playing with my son? Why? She took my husband and is trying to take my place in the family and now she is trying to take my kids. Now I am tired of the devil. It must stop now. I was very angry and she had the nerve to tell me that she is a part of their lives. She has no part of my boys lives at all. No part. I pray that God delivers me from this anger. I don’t like myself when I am like this. And as for him, my ex, I don’t speak to him.
(USA) Joyann, Good morning… Thank you for sharing your trial here. I promise this is a safe place. Well Joyann, lately I feel as if I am a bit of a hypocrite. I give great advice but only just recently began following my own advice faithfully. So before I say this, pray that it takes hold of my life as I pray it takes hold of yours? Take this to GOD, and He will give you rest.
A really good friend of mine told me about putting your problems in a little box with a bow and giving it as a gift to GOD. I thought about doing it many times but never got around to it. Well the concept of rest is hitting me pretty hard in the face lately. Thankfully I am able to see it now.
Joyann, what your husband is doing is wrong. You say that he is a believer… Well keep praying for his soul because right now he’s fleshy (as LT would say). He has stopped believing in the truth and started believing the worlds truth. Saying you’re a Christian, is admitting you have failed but that Jesus has taken that failure onto himself as his own. He gives you rest with redemption. You have to ask for your sins to be taken, through him, and you have to stop committing that sin. Your husband claims to be a Christian but doesn’t seek forgiveness from Jesus? It seems to me that he’s also being a hypocrite. Pray for his soul with all your might. Do you still love him? If you do, then you have a decision to make. If you chose to fight scroll up to a comment made by LT. It’s an affirmation about standing for your marriage. Say those words out loud and let the devil know he is going to lose this war.
I can’t say I’ve been through your situation, but I have been through some of it. I’ve said some of those words here before. The only way out is to go to GOD. Spend this time with HIM and his light will shine through you. You have to be the leader of your family right now. Lead by example, spend more time with the Lord. He will give you rest and everyone around you will want what you have (even your husband). Deciding to abstain from your husband may not be there greatest thing but it’s necessary in your situation. You need to protect your heart and your health. Especially if he’s laying down with another woman you do not need an STD to boot.
Have you contacted a pastor or counselor? I can’t recommend this enough. Getting someone of faith that is close to you is so important, because it gives you a great support network to go to. Especially when the devil tries to make you hopeless. I will definitely be praying for you. My heart goes out to you and your son. I have not been a parent as long as you have but I suggest being honest with your little guy. I was a child of divorce and I didn’t know my father had moved out right away either and when I found out it hit me like a ton a bricks. I was really hurt and I think if I’d have known it may stung a little less, than just realizing he was gone.
As for letting him go over to his father’s home right now… I agree that is not a great idea. He doesn’t need to see that kind of disregard for the Lord’s law in action. But again I am not his parent you are, and just pray about it and do what HE tells you is best.
I will be praying for you, your family, your husband and this other woman. Love ya. Love, LYNNE
(USA) Leonie, I am praying the Lord deliver you from your anger right now. May he grant you peace and help enforce some boundaries within your situation. Lord, please calm Leonie’s heart and help her mind to be clear and her range to disappear. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ Amen.
Leonie, do not let that old devil play tricks. Please don’t allow your jealously (which you are entitled to) to cloud your heart. She can never take your place with your children and eventually she’ll be in the same boat as you are with your ex-husband. She can never fill his void, only GOD can. She’s just the flavor of the weak right now and one day she’ll understand how her bold intrusion was hurtful.
Keep your eyes focused on the Lord right now. Be thankful that she is nice to your children because a lot of women are not so nice to children that are from another woman. She may be a part of their lives now because of their sibling growing in her womb but she will never be their mother. She will never take your place with them or with GOD. He gave you those boys, not her. And you can rest with that knowledge. GOD is here Leonie and he is using your resentment to take advantage.
Leonie, as I have posted previously, I am currently struggling with a serious anger problem. I don’t want to be a tea pot calling a kettle black, but Leonie you’re angry still. Please give that to GOD? I pray that you bring that anger to HIM amen. Love you, LYNNE
(NAMIBIA) Ladies, I have always been receiving Steve and Cindy’s messages but rarely visited the website. But I have browsed through these inspiring messages and I don’t feel like closing.
My husband is 7 years older than me and I admire his leadership in the marriage. We have been married for 6 years now but the most disturbing thing is that he expects a perfect wife, perfect in all areas which I think are not real. The result is that he seems dissatisfied and it scares me that if I fall short of his expectations, I don’t know what will happen. It’s like chasing the wind but I don’t think God wished for wives to live in such fear. But it keeps going on and on. At one time I began to question my upbringing and at the end I just gave up trying to be a wife because my husband does appreciate me. I know all fulfillment comes from God but I think our partners were meant to compliment us in this life as we pass through it.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Lynne, Thank you for your encouragement, but you are wrong, I am not jealous. I am angry yes, but not jealous. I am angry for the fact that she invaded my life and is taking over my role in my ex-husband’s life and in his family. And now she wants to take over my with my boys too. That is not jealously. I asked God to deliver me from this anger because this is not me, I don’t really get this angry. Tell me how would anybody feel when your husband brings over his pregnant girlfriend and they both invade your home and your life and then she still wants to invade the lives of your children? I am hurt –not jealous because the situation is very unhealthy for the boys and my ex-husband does not think of them, he is only thinking of himself at the moment.
I know God is in control of the situation, but I am only a human being and there is only so much a person can take. I draw my strength from God because I cannot do anything or face anything on my own. Yes He is the captain of my soul, but you must also remember that this whole mess is very difficult. It is not everyday that I have the energy to deal with it. Like last night all I did was cry and cry and cry before God. My heart is in agony because this woman has my mother in-law in her clutches too and ugly things gets said about me in my presence and I just have to be still and know that God is in control. They swear at me and I say nothing.
I hear and see all of this and sometimes it gets too much for me to consume. I don’t even want to go home after work anymore. It is just for my boys. God gave them to me and what right does she have to want to play house with my kids? None. They cannot teach my children anything. they cannot even tell them about the love of God or the goodness of Jesus and that Jesus died for us. Those are the things that God is allowing me to teach my boys.
My 3 year old said that God is his Father and his Saviour in his father’s presence, and the man got upset, saying that he does not know what he is saying. I am in my pray closet every night Lynne, and I speak to my Saviour and tell Him exactly how I feel. I know that I need to trust God. But tell me how difficult is all of this, when people want to break your spirit because you are in the light and they are in complete darkness? And the person that you trusted with your heart stands on the side line and watches what everybody is doing to you and does not say anything because he wants me and my boys out of there as much as they do. I am hurting Lynne. I am not jealous and only God can heal me. She can have my husband, but not my kids.
(USA) Leonie, I can not even imagine the pain of your situation from a wife’s standpoint. I only speak as a child who went through what your boys are now going through. (However I was of a much more understanding age.) I watched my father feel as you feel now, and then watched my mother feel the same after my father moved on. They both ended up hurting each other very badly.
Let me say this, You are only human but you were made in His image. Do not let what you are, justify your actions or anger. WHO you are is the daughter of God and continue conducting yourself as so. You say that you are not jealous… Well maybe jealous is the wrong word. However, resentment is the right word and right now you’re full of resentment. Leonie, this woman has taken your family from you, and she’s invaded your territory. The last line of your post says that she can have your husband but not your children. That shows a whole bunch of resentment and distaste (which I cannot say I wouldn’t feel, given your circumstances).
What you’re going through right now Leonie, is a war with the devil. He knows you spend your time with God, and he knows that you’re hurting. He also knows that you are teaching your boys (and unknowingly others) the truth about Jesus and that scares him. So he is attacking you with anger and resentment. Don’t let that in, once you let something like that in it gives the devil a foothold.
You have every right to be angry but you’re holding on to that anger, and that is a sin. Check out Ephesians 4:26-27. It says that you should not let the sun go down on your anger. You need to get rid of that anger quickly. As you and every one else here knows, I have a serious anger problem and this verse has convicted me so that I can heal. What your former in-laws, husband, and his girlfriend are doing to you is wrong, and you should be angry about it. But do not stay silent in these situations or let the sun fall on your anger.
"The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools" (Ecclesiastes 9:17). But be careful what you say and be kind with the words you choose. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1)
Be kind to them Leonie "kill them with kindness" as they say, but do not let such ill worded things said by them, go with out comment. That is insulting to the Lord because he loves you and detests hateful banter. This will also help keep you from storing up animosity, and letting their sin cause yours.
Are you still praying for them? If you’re not, maybe you might consider starting again. They may have done horrible things to you, but Leonie, they are lost souls and you need take pity on them. However horrible they may have been to you, hell is something you never accept for anyone. Maybe that is why God hasn’t gotten you and your boys into a new home yet. Having your influence and spreading the word to these former family members may help to save them. Posting the verses on your wall is a great start. Now use those verses as your armor when they speak ill words.
Leonie, I cannot tell you how much respect I have for you. I know that I would not have responded half as graciously as you have thus far, if I was given your situation. You are a strong woman of God. And while the devil hates that, God loves you. Reading your posts have been a great influence on my life and I am an ocean away. I find myself drawing from your strength. You are a very powerful influence for the Lord and you’ll have to guard yourself and take great care because you have a desperate enemy.
I challenge you Leonie, to call upon the Lord with every negative thought you have. Give it to him right after you have that anger and deal with it as you go, one thing at a time. I challenge you to do that every day for the next three days starting today. Can you accept that challenge? We can do it together and I will accept this challenge with you, because it’s something I need as well. Agreed?
Well, I better wrap this up. Look to James 1:5-9 when you pray. Every one really needs to expect the Lord to answer that prayer. He knows our hearts, and if what you’re praying for is not really what’s on your heart than you’re not faithfully asking for it. Love ya. Love, LYNNE
(USA) Anne, How did your talk go? I haven’t heard from you in a while and I know you said nothing was going to cancel it now. Did everything go well? Love, Lynne
(US) I can understand all the women’s concern for their marriages. I have fallen into a place where I hear the voice of God speaking and giving me direction but my husband doesn’t hear and it appears to him that the things I do are a reflection of disobedient unto him. What do you do when you know what God is saying to you but the other can’t see it? I find myself saying the word of God says submit but then can we deny our husband and wife to do His (God) will? How do you pray? Ask God to give him understanding and become at peace to what God has given you, such as talents of writing and speaking? Men are intimidating when a woman takes a role in the working of ministries. I’m not there to be competition or in authority over him. I just want to do the will of God.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Dear Lynne, I am sorry for sounding Harsh yesterday. I have asked God to deliver me from my anger yes. The word says that I can be angry but I do not have to sin. Lynne, you say that I must speak kind words to these people. They are not the type of people that you can say anything to that is right in the eyes of God. They are completely in darkness, believe me. My former mother in-law makes comments about me in my presence every night and God has made me quiet, not to say anything because Deuteronomy 3:22 says “Do not fear them, because I will fight for you.” And God told me to be still and know that He is God.
God sees my heart Lynne. I feel sorry for his girlfriend because what I am going through, God showed me that she is even gonna go through worse. I cannot tell them anything about what God has showed me, I have to remain silent because that is what God has instructed me.
I was hanging out washing one Saturday after they have been all so nasty to me. My brother in-law was drunk and he was swearing at me the Thursday evening. The Saturday as I was hanging out the washing and singing praise and worship, God spoke to me again and told me that He loves these people, but He is tired of their sin, and He is going to allow lives to be taken. My 2 brother in-laws were sitting in the back room drinking and talking a lot of filth of fighting and stabbing knives. I said “Woo Lord, why are you telling me this?” And immediately I starting phoning around and asked people to pray for them and I prayed for them for mercy.
God showed me what my former mother in-law is going to do with my former husband’s girlfriend. She is going to talk about her all over and say that she is a whore and that she broke up his family and things like that. I pray for her, I feel so sorry for her and for the baby that she is carrying. Yes I have resentment, but I am asking God to help me so that I can deal with it. Yes I have unforgiveness but I am praying about it. It is not as easy as it sounds to let go of these things when these people are in your face all the time, saying things about you while you are standing there and listening to the filth and the lies.
God even gave me psalm 109 and Isaiah 43 vs 1-13 to read. I trust in the Lord Lynne, because He is not a man that He must lie. God is faithful, but one thing I can tell you, it is not easy serving God. There were times while I was going through these trails and tribulations when I felt like giving up on God. I felt like He was not listening or hearing me. But then I asked Him like David did in Psalm 109, Why does He remain silent?
God knows what is best for us, He wants what is best for us and He always takes me back to the movie that I saw, Facing the Giants. When the coach’s wife could not fall pregnant she was hurt and cried but she said, I will still love you Lord. Well, through everything, I still love the Lord and I believe and trust that my God and Saviour will deliver me and my boys from each and every situation that is not from Him, and from each and every spirit that is not from Him. God has big plans for my kids, which He showed me. And as His trusted servant and their mother, it is my responsibility to stay with Him and teach these kids all I can about Jesus. When I feel down, God takes me the book of Job.
God is helping me to deal with whatever emotions are trying to consume me. My emotions, my flesh and mind will come in line with the word of God. Me and my kids are going to serve God and we are going to stand for His word and His word alone. When you have God in your court you do not need anybody else.
I love you Lynne and I want to tell you, that I also went through this when I was a child. That is why I can relate to my boys at the moment and I know how difficult it is to understand what your parents are doing to your family. I was only 5yrs old when my parents split up, but do you know what? At an old and mature age, God brought them back together again and my father looked after my mother until the day she died. He was the only one there when she passed on. Now that was a woman of faith. My mother never had another man after my father because she did not need anybody else but Jesus and she stood her ground in her faith.
So I know what they are going through. I am the youngest of 6 kids. I can sit and speak to my 8yr old and relate to what he is feeling. God has given me beautiful kids, with beautiful spirits of Him. And God is going to use them for His glory and honour.
And do you know that God is revealing things to me about their father now? I was married for more than 9yrs to this man but I never knew him, not because I did not take time to know him, but he hid himself very well. I am shocked at the things that God is showing me and all I can say is thank God that He has delivered me from a destructive marriage and relationship, It was not only destructive for me, but for my kids too. God gives me strength to carry on and carry through. I LOVE THE LORD VERY MUCH. He knows my heart. Love, Leonie