I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Leonie, I really prayed hard for you last night at the dinner table and before I laid my head down to rest. You are an amazing woman of God Leonie. I am completely blown away by your faith. You do remind me of Job.
I read your last comment and I… wow. You have great strength. No worries about be harsh, I didn’t even perceive you as harsh at all. (I’ve got really thick skin.)
Just do what your doing. Continue praying for this family that is so mean to you. Continue praying for this man that hid himself from you and is still trying to hide from God. And lastly continue praying for this young woman that is with child. She’s living in the wrong right now and she needs to be delivered as well. I will say this Leonie, I respect your discipline. You seem very well versed and you seem to know your Bible well. I pray that the Lord give me that discipline. My love and prayers remain with you.
Mary, Hey nice to meet you, How are you doing? I read your post and the person who came to mind is Cindy. She may have some better advice to give being that she and Steve are both in Ministries. I know that there is a section in here devoted to couples who are involved in different types of ministry. I don’t know if it’ll directly relate to your situation (as I’ve only skimmed through it). Try going to the Contact us portion and email Cindy. She gives awesome advice. I will keep you in my prayers Mary. God Bless and protect you. Love, LYNNE
(USA) Hey everyone check this out: Deuteronomy 32:27-29.
(NAMIBIA) Hi Ladies. For the past 2 days I’ve been struggling with my decision to take my husband back. I thought taking him back would make me happy, but I’m not really happy with him. I think my mind is clouded with what he did to me. Sometimes I feel like asking him to go, but then I remember that I asked God to bring him back to our home. My biggest fear is if he decides to leave. I spoke to him about my fear and he assured me that he is here to stay. I’ve realised that it’s all about trusting my faithful God. Leonie, I have respect for you, what you are going through must be really tough. I can just learn from your faith. Stay blessed.
(USA) My name is Kimberly and I feel that I need prayers from Christian believers and leaders. I am 26 years old, am on Social Security Income and am currently living with my father, James. We argue most every night. He lashes out at me a lot. The
drinking, I know plays a big part in it. I am lost and confused and I don’t even know how to talk to him. I am almost fed up.
I try to get him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and church but he refuses. He really aggravates me. I don’t even look forward to him coming home after work, because I know that he will pick arguments. I am trying to keep my mouth shut and not talk
back to him. I am fed up with him. Pray that he will quit drinking.
I am also aggravated that he is good friends with our neighbors, who drink, do drugs and don’t go to church, because they have a huge impact on him. Pray for that situation as well.
I am currently separated from my husband. I miss him. I want to be together with him again. I want to tell him that I am sorry. I want him to forgive me. He has our children in N.Y. and has them calling another woman mommy. The few times that we have talked on the phone, he seems very angry with me and unforgiving. He calls me names like a no good mother and says that I never loved the kids and even has his fiance get on the phone and talk to me.
I believe in God and I believe in miracles. I just need a few more prayer partners and prayer believers in restored marriages and
miracles. Also, pray for me and all my loved ones and all that is on my heart.
(USA) Dear Lande, You already know what I am going to say. You are doing right by GOD by taking him back and the devil doesn’t like it. I pray protection on you. Keep praying girl it works.
Kimberly, Are you a believer? Is Jesus your savior? I think you already know what you need to do. First of all you have to decide to fight. Your husband can’t have a fiance because he is still married to you. You both are living in sin right now. You need to get right with God and then go and save your family, but GOD has to come first. Getting away from a drug induced and Alcoholic environment would be a great start. The devil is too present in a place like that, you need to get away a soon as possible. I learned along time ago that even though you love someone you can’t make them change. Only God can change them if they WANT to be changed. Praying for your father is about all you can do now. Fighting with him is never going to change him trust me I’ve been through it first hand.
Secondly, if NY is where your family is then NY is where you need to be. Be near your kids right now and go and seek out counsel with your husband. Remind him that you are his wife not this other woman. While you have made mistakes and left your family because of selfish reasons, (I gather) you have learned and are trying to mend the errors of your ways. Did he not promise you for better or for worse?
Understand however, how hard it is going to be for him to forgive. Ask God to fill his heart with forgiveness and don’t stop trying. Defeat is the devils favorite tool. Honey, I am praying for you because we all make mistakes and need forgiveness but try seeking forgiveness from HIM before your husband (if not already). Take this burden and give it to HIM and you’ll have peace again.
Pray for your children, It’s never to late to clean up, fly right, and fight for them. You’ll never have a chance of winning if you don’t get out of your current environment and surround yourself with fellow believers. If your husband and you used to attend a certain church try that pastor or I am sure Cindy or Steve may have a recommendation. I will be praying for you girl. I have love for you. Love, LYNNE
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good Morning everybody. Lynne, I need to tell you this. On Friday when I got home from work, the water of the main house was switch off. It did not really bother me and my former mother in law called me to tell me that I must leave with the boys that evening because they cannot handle the fact that their water keeps getting switched off, as it is my fault, She is in arrears with her water bill and does not keep to her agreement. She told me this after I paid her my rent money. I asked where must I take the boys, because my family does not have a place for me. Their houses are all full and I stayed there.
Saturday I took my boys and our laundry and did it at my sister’s house. When I got home, my former husband fixed my door. I was very upset because he was in my room while I was not there. He has no right to go there at all when I am not at home,.I locked my door but he has a key and he does not want to give it to me. I phoned him and he was at a party, but his girlfriend was with my former mother in law. I just told him not to come see the boys that evening because he was drunk, very drunk. He told me he won’t come.
Sunday we got up and went to church and went with my friends to go eat out. They treated me and my boys. When I got home last night he came there and told me that he and his girlfriend must be out where they are living by Saturday. He told me I must move out because he wants to move in there. I asked him where must I take the boys –on the street to accommodate you and your girlfriend? I am sorry but I am not doing that at all. I am staying here until I find a suitable place. I told him I got paid on Friday and I have no money left because I had to pay bills and buy food and told him that I need his help financially because I cannot see to the boys alone anymore. He has to get a job. He told me that he will be moving in on Saturday with me and the kids living there. He does not care and he says all of this in front of our 8yr old son.
My former sister in law told me last night that his girlfriend complained about him to a mutual friend of ours. He did not come home on Saturday. He slept at his friends house that he was partying at. He lied to her from the beginning to tell her that he was not married but divorced. He even drew up a fake divorce paper to show her. It was only when she moved in with him here that she found out that what I told her was the truth. She said if she knew it was true she would not have come.
I am praying that she will tell her parents about this because they do not know about anything. I am praying that they find out one way or the other and save their daughter from this destructive family and relationship. I have peace with all of this because I know God is going to deliver me and my boys from this family and this house and soon. But I feel very sorry for this 20yr old pregnant girl, because she is really going to find out now what they are all about.
They are really in the dark. They are evil. They really, really are. I have to pray and protect me and the boys all the time. My 8yr old son already says that if he daddy must leave, good. I don’t want my son to feel like this about his father. It is opening doorways to the enemy. I am praying for my boys and for his girlfriend –for God to help her get away from him, because she thinks now that she is trapped. But it is not too late for her to get away from him. I told my former sister in law that if he treats her like this now already, how is he not going to treat her when they get married? I feel genuinely sorry for her because she is ignorant about him.
(USA) Leonie, The Lord is working in you so much right now. You are an amazing woman of God and I know that He will take care of you. Your trust and faith in Him is a powerful weapon and I encourage you to keep doing what you’re doing. You’re amazing.
I will be praying for your boys and for this young lady. I will also be praying for you, your former husband, and ex-in-laws. Leonie you just… You’re a great woman of God and I respect you more than you know. God Bless you and keep you. Love, Lynne
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Lynne, I don’t feel amazing at all. I am sick and tired of all of this. Yes, I am angry. It is ok to be angry but not to let your anger cause you to sin. They all seem to just want to walk all over me and I feel like I am just a puppet and a toy. I am tired of all of this now and sometimes I wonder if God is really listening to me when I seek his face and cry for relief. I feel like David felt, wondering why God is remaining silent. I know God is busy, but I sometimes feel so abandoned and alone. I found a motivational message on a other website that I would like to share with all of you and this is as much for me too:
The Mountains of Life
Sometimes the mountains that we have to climb can overwhelm us. The mountains in our lives often cause us to wonder if there is even hope for what appears to be a hopeless situation. I am so glad to encourage you my brothers and sisters that there is hope for the hopeless! The hope that I speak of will give you rest for your journey.
The Bible tells us to rest in the Lord. I want you to know that you can take refuge in the Lord. The Lord will give you rest when the bridges of life seem to block you in and underneath all you see is water. I challenge you to stand still and allow the tender words that Christ is so gently whispering into your ear to be a most delightful melody.
The Lord wants to sustain you from the hand of the enemy. The Lord wants to lift you up above the mountains and give you the energy to overcome those delicate situations that would cause you to crumble before reaching your fullest potential.
Someone needs to know that Christ loves you and wants to lead you into your promise land. Will you allow the Lord to lead you as He did the children of Israel? Will you allow the Lord to lead you as He did Moses?
It’s time my fellow laborers in the body of Christ to see that we serve a magnificent Creator, who wants each of us to fulfill all of our dreams!
With this being said, let’s pray.
Father God, today we come before your throne of grace. We humble ourselves before you. Our hope is that with all the residues of life that we have gathered that you will take them and turn them into something beautiful. Lord, just like the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is Thy word that goes out from my mouth. This word of prayer dear Lord will not return empty, but will accomplish and achieve the purpose for which You sent it. Amen!
Brothers and sisters go forth now with the reassurance that the joy of the Lord is upon you! I pray that you will be led forth in peace and that the mountains you face will become minuet hills on your way to fulfilling your destiny!
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have another one for all of you: Planted for Purpose
“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3.
Whenever I read Psalm 1:1-3, I get excited. I am reminded that no matter what I am going through that I can find strength in the Word. Clearly the Word speaks for itself regarding our purpose and what it takes to bring it forth. As we all know purpose is simply an intended or desired result. A Goal. But how many know that a goal means nothing until wheels are put in motion towards fulfilling it?
In other words, I have always been told that if you ever plan on accomplishing something in life, you first must have a goal. You see, it is so easy for us to begin a task and even easier for us to quit before completing it.
Today, however, I want to challenge each of you to replant the seed of purpose in your life and watch it grow. It is time for you to cultivate what is inside of you. It is time to spring forth into action and allow the many seeds that you have developing on the inside of you to mature.
Now is the time for a plentiful harvest. If you are willing to put in the extra work needed to harvest the seed within you. Then you to can prosper from the fruits of your labor!
Let us pray: “Dear Lord, you know the plans that you have for us. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future. In these perilous times Lord, we are seeking your face like never before. We are calling upon you to see what is inscribed in our hearts. We truly believe that this is our season to spring forth like the hands of time and reap the benefits of our labor. As we wait to hear a Word spoken by you, we will continue to pray that when it is our season that we will bring forth fruit that is pleasing in thy sight!” Amen.
(RSA) Hey ladies, How have you all been? It’s been a while since I posted. I recently discovered facebook -so thats been taking up a lot of my time. However – I’ve also been doing a lot of work for my spiritual life and my marriage. Its all actually very fuzzy at the moment!!! Well, I wish I could actually show you guys a video, but I guess I’ll have to try and explain as best as I can.
I don’t know whether any of you are familiar with witchcraft- but here in SA, especially among the African community- it’s practically a way of life! Anyway- on Sunday at church we were having a strong prayer fighting against any and every form of witchcraft. A lot of people who were possessed by demons were manifesting – and I was very shocked to hear what the evil spirits had to say! The one spirit said that he had hidden many people’s marriages under the "water"[sea] and this kind of makes sense to me as I have seen on many occasions people making sacrifices at the beach during the night (I live by the coast -so they kill chickens or some animal at the beach during these rituals!) What is most surprising is how much money was paid for these evil spirits to work in people’s lives -I mean we’re talking thousands of Rands!
So ladies -I want to basically say that we cannot take things like these for granted. I remember my mother telling me that I should pray that no evil force- even in the form of witchcraft- should penetrate my marriage. I never took her seriously. After hearing what those evil spirits said on Sunday- I’m standing up! Satan really does have many ways in which he will try and destroy us, our families etc – we cannot overlook anything. Perhaps you cannot relate – but I believe that there are many marriages that are being destroyed through witchcraft – all over the world!
I am definitely going to fight against this evil force- it cannot prevail in my life!!!!
Other than that – I hope all you ladies are being blessed in your fight. It sure isn’t easy -but I know I’ll make it. As long as Jesus is my guide -things will work out according to His Will and Purpose!!!
Stay strong ladies-remember to always WATCH and pray. Love you all, D
(USA) Hi Dineo, I’m so glad that you brought this up. It needed to be brought out into the open, and it needed to be done by someone in Africa, who lives in the midst of this first-hand. My husband and I were just talking about this very thing yesterday. Sometimes the enemy of our faith works in blatantly “in your face” ways that you can see, such as the open practice of witchcraft, and other times it happens behind the scenes. But none-the-less, the attack on marriages is very real. The enemy knows that God has portrayed marriage as a visible living picture of Christ’s love for the church. So it’s only natural that this is where the attack would be, because it means so much to God.
The men in Africa (and all around the world) seem especially vulnerable to giving into the temptations that the spirits bring into their lives –just like Adam did in the garden. But the women are also contributing to it just like Eve did. We need a spiritual backbone to stand strong against the enemy and not give in to sin and contribute to the aiding and abetting that can go on (by nagging, being mean-spirited, conniving, and on the other hand, by giving in, thinking less or more of ourselves than we should, and allowing sin to be practiced in our own lives and in our homes).
God may have made men the heads of our homes, but we are the necks, that can often turn the heads to the right or to the wrong. We need to be careful with that responsibility. Some men are stiff-necked, but it’s amazing how many others are easily turned with the right kind of pressure.
The ways in which we “stand strong” will be different for all of us, because our spouses are different, and our living conditions and circumstances are different. But we serve the same Savior and Lord and HE can show us through His Holy Spirit, how we are to conduct ourselves in every situation so that even if our spouse is doing wrong, we can live as Christ and do what is right. The principles for living, as shown throughout the Bible are there for all of us to follow, even if no one else does. Noah was a good example. In Noah’s day, everyone else was “doing it”, but everyone else was wrong. And God honored his obedience. He will honor ours as well.
Thank you D for saying what needed to be said. Blessings!
(USA) Leonie, Hey girl, I really like those stories that you post. They make me feel good. However this comment: "I am tired of all of this now and sometimes I wonder if God is really listening to me when I seek his face and cry for relief." -Leonie
It made me kind of sad because it hurts my heart to see the devil attacking someone like you so hard. The Lord has not abandoned you. Have you ever read the poem "Footprints" It the end of that poem the person asked the Lord why there were only one set of footprints in the sand that represented the hardest times in life where before there had always been two sets (walking with the Lord). The Person asked the Lord why He would abandon them at the moments they needed him most because there were only one set of prints in the sad. The Lord replied that he never did abandon them. There is only one set of footprints because at the hardest times you do not walk along, actually you do not walk at all, He carries you.
You’re not alone Leonie, you are in God’s hands right now and he is carrying you through these troubling times. He’s not silent; he’s working with in you and working for you. Do not question your faith, or consider yourself unworthy. The Lord is never too busy for his children, and you are not alone I promise you that.
About anger Leonie, yes, you can be angry as long as it doesn’t make you sin. But it is a sin to stay angry and not to forgive. Leonie you’re still angry and that is a sin because it give the devil a foothold in your heart (Ephesians 4:26-27). Have you been trying to forgive these people? I am not saying that is some easy thing to do or that you have to do it right now. I can’t even say that if I was in your position I would be able to either. When someone hurts you, and you feel as if you’re meek or you let them hurt you. That hurt allows them to have power over you, and when you can’t forgive them; well they keep that power.
In the end you’re only left ANGRY, bitter, hurt and powerless. I know. I’ve been in that cycle for along time and I’d be a liar if I said that I’ve broken it already, but I am still working on it. Yesterday my hot water heater started leaking and flooded the lower level of our home. I was completely stressed out and I gave my husband all of the information to get it repaired (had to a new one) and who to call. Guess what he did? Nothing. He let this leak turn into our flood. Then he had the nerve to yell at me when I came up with a solution. Then when I asked for his help he refused.
To say the least I was heated my self. We got to the point where we were screaming at one another, and my eight month old joined in and I felt as if I was going to snap. My husband asked me what I need him to do and I turned and said to him that I need him to take our son and go down stairs away from me.
My husband took my son downstairs and gave me some much needed time. I started praying to God to take my anger out of me, and I just kept repeating it over and over. Then He did! It was a simple as that. I asked Him and He just did it. The devil made one last attempt at getting me angry again (and it was a good one too). But I was able to stop right after that angry thought and asked the Lord to take it, and guess what… HE DID!
Ladies, Nothing is too big for Him, and you are never too little for his attention. Anger, Affairs, Hurt, Pain, Disrespect, Hard marriages, Emotionally distance spouses, Even Abuse of any kind, do not have any power when you have Love. He is Love and he will always love you. We are His children, and as any parent knows, your children are the most important people to you. We mean everything to Him. Look at this life he gave us. He loves us and as a parent protects his/her child, He protects us. We just have to let Him know that we need protecting sometimes because it’s not that he doesn’t know. He needs us to know and to know Him.
I do really love you all very much and pray for you all each night. Everyone here has had a big effect on my life and how I am trying to transform it for GOD.
Anne, LT, Andrea, Laurie, Amber, and Sue. I really do miss you ladies. I pray you are all doing well, and you’ve all touched my life. Cindy God Bless you and the work you do for him, and for Steve too.
Love LYNNE
(SOUTH AFRICA (CAPE TOWN)) Hello All, Hi Lynne, thanks for your message. I understand everything that you are saying to me and I ask God everyday to help me with my anger. I do not want to be angry with anybody because I know it is a sin. I pray and ask God to deliver me from this anger that I feel. Thank you for your encouragement. God Bless. Leonie
(NAM) Hi Ladies. I need some encouragement and advice today. I feel so empty. My husband is so distant I don’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t talk to me and the kids for 2 days. When I confronted him, he had this new attitude that nothing he does will ever please me. He feels that I will never forgive him for what he did. I try really hard not to talk too much about his affair, cause he feels we need to focus on our future right now. I’m praying to God to keep me strong and at peace for my kids sake. They don’t deserve this kind of pain. Every time I ask God for an answer He keeps giving me same one " Stay in your marriage". I don’t know how much longer I have to bear this pain. My husband acts as if he is not the guilty party alone. I mean we were happy; I don’t know what went through his head. I keep praying that God will work on his heart and mind everyday of his life. It’s only with God at my side that I keep standing up every morning. Stay blessed.
(USA) Leonie, God will answer your prayer in His time. Waiting is the hardest part. I’m a living example, but change is already in progress. How did you do on the challenge I gave you? I must admit I failed, but I am retrying. I got distracted and didn’t remember to do it until the hot water heater fight, but I am doing it now. Praise GOD!
Lande, Relax and just take three deep breaths. Your husband acting the way he is now, and thinking that he’ll never stand a chance with you; that is the devil attacking him. The devil doesn’t want him to stay faithful and is trying to give him reasons to stray. If he gets tempted the devil will simply bring up the feeling of being inadequate to you, and he may see that as justifying in the heat of the moment. Pray for him and encourage him. I know it’s hard especially when you may not be over the hurt yet (and that’s ok). It’s hard to encourage someone when they betrayed your trust and you lost so much respect for them. Don’t let that stand in your way.
Your husband did lose a lot of your respect and he did betray your trust but he’s trying now. Is he not still your husband? A woman is called to encourage her husband there’s a great article about encouraging your husband on this site under the married women section. I found if very helpful. Cindy’s right. Men may be the head, but we are the neck. Once you start encouraging him and acknowledging (praising) his efforts and triumphs, he will feel more secure and so will you. You’ll find that your actions can help build respect back for him faster than his can sometimes. Paying attention to what he does right (out loud), praising him to the children, and reminding him you do still love him, will help to eliminate these problems and protect both of you from the devil’s pathetic attempts at ruining your marriage. Pray for protection every day because evil doesn’t take a day off from trying to sway you.
Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for protection for all of my friends here and all of our Christian marriages. I pray that no man or evil spirit can convince us to tear down what you’ve given us. I thank you for Love and for giving us the ability to know the truth about you and spread that truth in our lives. Please protect us from anger, bitterness, discouragement, negative thoughts about our spouses or others, and most of all from satan’s attacks and temptations? In the holy name of the mighty Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen! Love, LYNNE