I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(CANADA) Hi ladies, It’s been a while since I last wrote but I have been reading all the comments and praying for all of you. Before I update you all on how things are going I’d like to say some things.
Leonie, you are one strong woman and I’m so proud of you. I’ve been praying for you and your children everyday. I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes and I don’t know if I’d be that strong. God has a great plan for you and your children and when you feel weary He’s always there. We’ve all gone through different trials and some days are always tougher than others but that’s when God really shines. We just don’t see it. I’ll keep on praying for you and your boys. God has His own reason for why you’re still in that house. You can’t see it now but He will show you in His time. Keep the faith girl.
Lande, I read what you just wrote and I saw myself a few months ago. My husband had an emotional affair that I found out about and I confronted him. And after that, just like your husband, mine became so withdrawn and he never spoke to me for a month. He slept in the guest room for about 2 months. Trust me, it was hard. He became arrogant and sometimes he never came home. Of course I knew he was with the other woman. There are days when I knew he wasn’t with her because I would ask God and He would tell me no. That was a hard time for me and I was ready to end the marriage. What I did, and I’ll encourage you to do is, to spend time with God because the battle is His not yours.
I have cried for my marriage and for my husband and trust me, I still cry for him sometimes. When all this was going on I was in God’s waiting room and that’s where you are now. God is working on things. You just can’t see it. Pray for patience Lande because you’ll need it. One thing I came to realize, was I had a lot of changing to do and God had to work on me first before my husband.
Pray for your husband a lot. Don’t give up. Like Lynne said, the enemy never likes to see good changes happening in our marriages. He wants to see the 2 of you divorcing. So keep on praying and trust me, when you experience God’s promise, you’ll see it was all worth it. I have come to understand that by God revealing the affair to me, that’s when He saved my marriage because we were headed in a downward spiral where we had given the enemy a foothold in our marriage. God knew it was gonna be painful for me, and for you, to find out about the affair. But He already had the answer. He wanted me to get closer to Him and also to grow up and He needed to show me what I was doing wrong.
Whatever you’re going through, He knew it was gonna happen and He has a way out. You just need to have a lot of FAITH. This storm is the test of your faith. Don’t give up. Surrender your husband to prayer and pray for yourself too, and ask God to show you if you need to change. Please read James 1:2-4. Ask God to give you wisdom on how to deal with this. I feel your pain because I was there. Now my marriage is going great. I’m getting along with my husband and he’s even talking about us starting a family. It’s not easy because I’ve been bitter and resentful. But I’m always honest with God and I tell Him how angry I am about the affair, and I’ve asked Him to show me how to forgive the other woman and my husband completely. I’ve noticed that I’m thinking about it less and less now, and I know it’s God.
It’s not going to be easy Lande. You’ll have days when you are ok and days, when you hurt, but God already has the answer. You just need to believe it. Your husband is going through his own thing maybe shame coz he also feels he’s let you down. Try and talk to him. I would suggest you both see a Christian marriage counselor. It helped us. We still have another visit in 2 weeks. Things will be ok.
I did a lot of reading on books on marriages and what God wants for us. And I listened to a lot of gospel music. I started journaling which is really good coz you express all that you feel all this helped me a lot. I know that was long.
Lynne, thanks for always asking how I’m doing. I was just going through some bitterness issues and I needed to have time with God. Like I said, it’s getting better. But I still need to forgive. I know that’s the answer. But I just don’t know how to, but I’m asking God to show me. And everyday I pray for the other woman, for God to protect her from the enemy. Other than that my marriage is going well. And when I look back at the pain that we’ve gone through, I think wow, God is amazing. Keep praying for me gal, I need to forgive. I know it’s a sin to have an unforgiving heart.
Cindy, do you have any books you can recommend on forgiveness or anyone else. Lynne, did you ever get the book that Cindy told you PRAYING FOR THE DEEPER ISSUES IN MARRIAGE? I recommend it. I have it but have never finished it. I should get to it. I’m now reading BECAUSE I SAID FOREVER; it’s great. I always keep you in my prayers gal. Love you all keep on praying. God has a great plan for our marriages.
(USA) HI all, I’ve been out of town and got back recently. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on all the comments yet, but will soon.
I wanted to pass on a book that, when I went to the amazon.com page, it had up as a suggestion for me based on past purchases. I just felt REALLY strongly to share that on this page, and probably one or two of the other pages here on this site, that deal with abuse.
At any rate – not all of you that read here are in abusive marriages, I know, so this may not be for you but if you are, you know who you are. There are a lot of women out there, who are part of couples who haven’t "come out of the closet" of abuse yet but if you sit around even wondering whether your marriage is abusive or not, then chances are it is. My experience is that people who are in healthy marriages with a minimal level of respect on both sides, aren’t the ones sitting around wondering.
At any rate – I haven’t read the book but the description spoke volumes to me. If you have an account with amazon, as I do, you can go in and look at excepts, as well. This isn’t written from a Christian perspective so please keep that in mind. It will probably have "worldly" suggestions that you may not want to take to heart, so read it prayerfully if you decide to read it, but the core of the subject matter is important enough if you are dealing with it in your life or know someone who is.
I’m going to post this in the abuse section of the site, too. The book is called "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. Here’s a blurb I found on amazon that seemed to really say it all.
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From Publishers Weekly: This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike. Bancroft, the former co-director of Emerge, the nation’s first program for abusive men, has specialized in domestic violence for 15 years, and his understanding of his subject and audience is apparent on every page. "One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs," he writes. "I would not like to see your experience with this book re-create that unhealthy dynamic. So the top point to bear in mind as you read [this book] is to listen carefully to what I am saying, but always to think for yourself." He maintains this level of sensitivity and even empathy throughout discussions on the nature of abusive thinking, how abusive men manipulate their families and the legal system and whether or not they can ever be cured. Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Hope you’re all well. I’ll catch up when I can. My son got a cold when we were out of town and now we’re all sick so I’m taking it easy right now. With love, LT
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies. Lynne, thank you very much for you message. The anger challenge, well I did not even have to try, I just stay away from the people that cause me to get angry and pray about my anger. I am more worried about my 8yr old sons anger. He is very angry with his father for what he is doing, but I am praying about it.
Anne, thanks your message really helped me. God spoke to me last night that He has a reason for me staying in that house still. My ex-husband and his girlfriend are also moving in there now, so it is gonna become even more harder now. But I know that God is in control and no matter how hard it is I must always try to remember that, because sometimes you are so blinded by whatever you are going through that you forget about that. Lynne, I read footprints in the sand and I know He is carrying me. I am busy reading the book of Ezekiel and the Lord was really angry with the Israelites. It is actually scary.
I am ok. I have my up and down days like everybody else. Hey, we are all human. We don’t have wings yet. I just want to post a little encouragement for everybody. It really encouraged me this morning:
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee… You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, " Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs and coffee," the daughter replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
With God in our lives Ladies we are all the coffee bean. Be blessed, I love all of you. Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, I have another one for you: I Am a "Kept" Woman..
You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, but GOD kept me sane. (Isaiah 26:3)
There were times when I thought I could go no longer, but the LORD kept me moving. (Genesis 28:15)
At times, I’ve wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, but the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psalms 13)
Sometimes, I think the money just isn’t enough, but GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matthew 6:25-34)
When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Peter 5:7, Matthew 11:28-30)
I could go on and on and on, but I’m sure you hear me! Praise the Lord, I’m blessed to be "KEPT."
(USA) Leonie, I really like that story a lot. I think I have been more like an egg my self in the past but I am trying to be like a coffee bean. Hey Leonie, I have a suggestion on how to talk with your 8yr old about anger if you don’t mind? I remember something my mother told me once when I was young and I was really mad at her. She asked me if I was mad and I said that I was. She asked me how that made me feel, good or bad? I of course told her that I felt bad. She asked me if I liked feeling bad. I told her that I did not like it at all. Then she asked me why I would chose to be upset when all it did was make me feel bad? I didn’t know how to answer her then and I just kind of stared at her silently and then she said this "When you get mad at someone all you’re doing is making yourself feel bad. Even if that other person does know that you’re mad at them, they can very easily get over it but you can still feel bad. So when you’re mad at them you’re just hurting yourself and you can stop if you want to. It’s doesn’t change what made you mad in the first place either. So just talk to them and if you’re still mad then let it go because at least you said your peace."
I forgot about that for a long time and I didn’t take my mother’s advice then but maybe I wasn’t supposed to. Now that I am older and have an anger problem I remembered it right on time. Good luck, love ya.
Anne, I have missed you so. I am so overjoyed to hear about how great your marriage has been going and about how you’re spending more time with the Lord. That is awesome. Starting a family wow! Be careful though, and bring that up in counseling and pray about it because when my hubby and I were just starting to get on a good level again he started asking me about a baby too. Our counselor said if our marriage was ready for a child and he admitted that it probably wasn’t. He was just caught up in his happiness and thought that if we had a baby our happiness would get back to where it was before (speed up the healing).
I am so glad we did talk about it there because after having a baby I understand now how hard it can be on your marriage. Make sure that your marriage is right first because if it’s not, a baby can really strain existing problems and make them worse. I have some advice about forgiveness too but I am not going to give it right now. I was, but I feel as if the Lord is telling me not to right now. I will just say that starting with Matthew 18:21-35 is a great start. I love you girl, and I will definitely keep you in my prayers, as I do all my girls from the mission.
I just want to say thank you to every one for all of your prayers for my marriage, and my anger. I really do appreciate it. God is working and changing me. I have one prayer request today if no one minds. My sister is going through some trials and tribulations right now and the Lord has spoken to her heart to make some changes of her own. She is a Christian woman with strong faith who has made a promise to rid her self of a foot hold the devil has in her life. Please pray that she stays faithful to her words, and that she is protected from temptation, and that God can be present in her struggle everyday? Thank you all so much with love. Love, LYNNE
(USA) Hi Anne, I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to answer the question that you posed to me earlier this week (I got caught up into other Marriage Missions business and couldn’t break free). But I didn’t want you to think that I wouldn’t respond. I’ve actually been praying about this since seeing your letter.
To answer your question on recommending a book on forgiveness, I have to say that I would have recommended the book you mentioned, “Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage” by Stormie Omartian. It even has a chapter on forgiveness. The book you’ve been reading “Because I Said Forever” is great too. It works through additional testimonies of forgiveness. We also have other books that we recommend in the “Bitterness and Forgiveness” part of our web site. Please check them out.
What I see concerning forgiveness is that it is a process, a journey. There are some people that don’t struggle as much with this issue (like my husband) and many others of us (like me) who seem to be wired as more sensitive people. (It’s both a blessing and a curse sometimes.) Plus, some people are given the supernatural power to forgive at certain times (just like some people were healed by Jesus right away and others had to go through more to realize their healing). And why that is, I don’t know. That is one of the thousands of questions I want to ask the Lord someday. But for now, it is something that we must accept and work through.
From what I see, giving forgiveness is usually not a “once and for all time” process. It’s a long multi-faceted journey. It’s like peeling away the layers of an onion, layer upon layer, with a lot of tears involved. But the important thing is that we do it. Shedding tears can be cleansing and can help us in the future. Giving forgiveness is the same way. Once we get to that place, it is freeing and less damaging to us, as well as those around us, who suffer the consequences of the ways in which our bitterness manifests itself (sometimes at the least expected times).
So what I recommend (and what I’ve done and am doing, because I’ve worked through this process many times in my life), is that you keep praying and exploring every healthy avenue you can to keep working to release yourself from the chains of unforgiveness. Pray, pray, and then pray some more. And read all you have the time to read and keep yourself open to learning. You will gain from it all.
We have a lot of articles and quotes on our web site that you can read and re-read. Keep looking for books and testimonies which center around forgiving. One of the articles I just added a link to, is found in the “Bitterness and Forgiveness” section. The article is named “How Does One Forgive Infidelity?” In it, there is an article that I discovered titled “The Healing Power of Forgiveness.” There is provided a link so you can read it. I recommend that you do. It could possibly help you. And then you might consider contacting the author, Karen O’Connor. Maybe she could recommend additional books to you.
It’s the principle of “precept upon precept” that the Bible talks about, and the principles of praying and petitioning the Lord to help you to let go of your grip on unforgiveness. You learn and release a bit more each time, until one day you wake up and realize that the work is done (at least until something else comes up). At that point you have done what God asked of you and what is the best thing to do personally, as well. (And God knows that — I think that’s a big part of why He asks it of us.)
As long as you grab onto bitterness and unforgiveness, it will haunt you and you’ll never experience the freedom God wants for you. I pray this helps Anne. You’re doing good. Just keep trudging ahead. Many of us are praying for you and care about you. We know you will get there. Your spirit is willing, and that is a huge part of the battle.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, Thank you Lynne, You gave me also a good perspective of being angry at somebody, because it does make you feel bad and moody. I will speak to him about it tonight. Your mom’s advice is very wise, she is a wise woman. I miss my mom and wish I can run into her arms and cry, but unfortunately I lost both my parents already. They are in Heaven.
My mom was a woman of great faith and held on to Jesus until the day she went home. She was lying on her death bed telling me she is tired of lying, she wants to go home and she was describing to me how Jesus came into her room with my cousin. He is a pastor. When he came to pray for her Jesus touched her hand. She told me how beautiful He is.
My mother was a wonderful woman. She really trusted where she could not see and I feel encouraged by her. The enemy came to taunt her when she was dying, but she spoke to him and told him that he would not take her away from her Jesus and that he is a liar. I pray that God will give me that and all of your my mothers faith.
It is really difficult to trust God sometimes. I know, but we all have to, that is the only thing we can do, no other option. Thanks for your encouragement Lynne. If you ever saw the movie "The Color Purple" with Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah, you will hear Whoopi saying that when we hate we are only hurting ourselves because the person we hate or are angry with, do not even know it and they don’t even care.
So it is best to let go of whatever negativity you are feeling towards somebody else. God bless all of you and have a blessed, peaceful, restful weekend in God’s arms and love. Love you all. Leonie
(NAM) Hi Ladies, The devil is really busy with my marriage. My husband is still very distant. He doesn’t call me at work or even to ask if I went to fetch the kids at school. Last night he told me that a co-worker of the girl he had the affair with, called him and said the the girl might be pregnant. I think he knew this for a while and that’s why he was not talking to us at home.
I know she can’t be pregnant cause he had a vasectomy. I think she just wants him back. Now she is making up this story. We are going out tonight to discuss the matter. It seems to me he is confused again, like in the beginning when he could not decide if he wants me back. Please pray with me that the devil will not get his way. I assured my husband that I will not let stories like this break up what we have. I am so scared for my kids sake right now, I don’t know how they will take it if he decides to leave again. I know God has a plan and I trust Him to bring about the outcome to be a good one. The only thing I’m hanging onto is my faith. Have a blessed weekend. My God protect you and your families.
(CANADA) Hey all. Hope you’re all enjoying your weekend. Mine is slow. I have to go to work later on. Cindy, thank you so much for the advice. I’ve read most of the articles on forgiveness and bitterness and there’s one that I read, I think it was a new message, that different people commented on forgiveness.
I have been praying about it a lot, and everyday I tell God that I chose to forgive my husband completely and this other woman. And I always say I forgive them everyday. I’ve also asked God to show me how to forgive. I’m starting to learn how to distract myself and anytime I think something negative, I ask God to bless my husband, to forgive him, and also this other woman. It’s not easy to go through it but I also know with forgiveness comes a lot of freedom for myself. I’ll start reading Stormie’s book again. I never did finish it coz I’ve had so many books. I can’t thank you enough for your prayers and I can tell you I’m praying hard for my marriage and for myself and my husband too.
Lynne, about us getting kids, don’t worry, not for another year or so. We still have a lot of growing to do together, and just getting back on track. I thank God though that we’re getting along and some things that I took for granted I’m now learning to thank God for them everyday.
Leonie, thanks a lot for the verses. I’m praying for you and your boys a lot and God will definitely open a door that no one will ever close. God hears our cries and He helps us through our pain, and then He helps us to help others like we’re all doing for one another. He never lets our pain go to waste. See: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
Nande, how did your talk go? I really prayed for you and for your husband too. Nothing is impossible with God. Remember to never give up. God can hear you and He has a great promise for you and your marriage. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. I definitely couldn’t have remained sane without all of you. There’s a song by Point Of Grace called You’ll never walk alone. How true that is Jesus is always walking with us every step of the way. Be blessed and have a great weekend.
(NAMIBIA) Hi Ladies, The much needed talk we had on Friday didn’t go to well. He said he is not going to confront the other woman. He thinks it’s not necessary. I talked to him about him being distant but he just keeps on saying he has a lot of work pressure. I think he works so hard to keep busy to not think about our situation.
On Saturday we were supposed to go out together, but instead he made plans with his friends and went out with them. He came home drunk. For me, the working too much and drinking are signs of him not wanting to take responsibility for his mess. I think he wants to provoke me to ask him to leave. Late Saturday night he had 2 missed calls from the other woman. I was so upset I called her and asked her what she wants. She hanged up the phone. This morning I confronted him, he didn’t even bother to comment. He left the house. I don’t know where he went.
I’m about to give up on this man, the way he is treating me now is not fair. His moods affect the kids cause they don’t want to stay at home with him. I can see they are hurting. I prayed to God for a break through soon, cause my emotions are getting the better of me. I will not let the devil destroy me or my faith in God, I will keep believing.
I leave you with Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
(CANADA) Hey ladies, hope you all had a nice weekend. I know some of you didn’t, Lande I’m really sorry that your talk didn’t go well but don’t give up hope. Most of us have been in that situation. Trust me when i say that I’ve been there, dealing with my husband being withdrawn and not wanting to talk. I came to understand that sometimes men don’t know how to express themselves especially when they are hurting or in a situation where they don’t know what to do. My husband did the same thing, work a lot coz at work that’s where he got away from the pain that’s going on at home. And nobody knew what was going on so that was like an escape.
I think that’s what your husband is doing. Him choosing to go out with his friends may also be a way of avoiding talking about the marriage. I know for my husband that’s what he told me. It was easy to be around people who would not ask him how he was doing.
I know how hard it is and you also need to understand the harder you pray for your husband, the harder the enemy tries to destroy your marriage. Your husband is listening to the lies of satan and you need to really pray. The battle is not yours but the Lords. Hand it over to Him and step aside so that you may give Him room to work wonders on your husband and your marriage.
I’m glad that you’re not about to let the devil win. I just prayed for you and your husband. God is already working on your marriage you just can’t see. Nothing is impossible with God and God will break any bondage that the enemy has on your husband. We all know the pain and we also know what God has done for us. Read Matthew 11:28. It always helps to know that God wants us to go to Him always. I also like the verse from 1st Peter 3:1-4 how a woman can sway an unbelieving man’s heart towards God through her behaviour.
Gal, don’t give up. God always has a great plan for all of us. God also asks us to pray for our enemies. Pray for the other woman too. It wasn’t easy for me but now every morning I pray for her and ask God to bless her. I know that one day I’ll be able to put it all this behind me and so will you. God knows how you feel about her and when you bless her, it just shows how much you’re trying to obey the Word of God. I believe that God will direct her life if you pray for her.
God Bless you always. I’ll pray with you all the time. Hold on to God, gal. Lynne, hope you’re doing well. Leonie, how are things at home? Did your ex-husband move in? I’m continually praying for you and your boys.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good Day, Sorry I was not online for a couple of days, but my baby had a chest infection. Through the grace of God he is fine now. Yes, my ex-husband and his pregnant girlfriend moved into the house. Me and my boys are living in the garage attached to the house. They are sleeping in the lounge, but are waiting on their Wendy house for them to move into in the yard. I cannot stand this situation anymore and all I can do is trust God. My sister tries to encourage me but what she says is actually breaking me instead of encouraging me. She tells me that I must trust God and stop looking at what is going on around me.
What does she think I am doing? I am trusting God. I am really trusting God, I have to. What else can I do? Not to look at what is going on around me, is like telling me that I am not allowed to hurt, because that is what she saying to me. How can I not see what is going on around me? Gareth, my ex-husband, was using my computer on Monday evening and he was sitting there a bit just too long, half an hour, and his girlfriend got very upset. I don’t know what they think we are doing, because I was watching a TD Jakes cd.
I was not even interested in what he was doing. He just asked me if he could go onto the internet because he needs to email somebody about a job. I just let him do it. I am not interested in him, why must she feel threatened by me? I just want them to leave me and my boys alone. I don’t understand why God is allowing me and my boys to go through this hell? But I trust Him. I know that we are going to be fine when we come through the other side.
I just want to tell everybody something. I am hurting a lot. I am real to myself and I will not deny the fact that I am hurting, but I still know that God is in control. I cry before God in the evenings, because I am hurting. I want to ask you all something. Cindy, please answer me this question, is it wrong to complain to God about what you are going through? Is it wrong to tell Him what you are feeling? Because my sister says I must stop complaining. I must praise God and then I will see Him move in my life. Must I not hurt. Cindy can you please explain this to me.
She says that I must stop telling her about this situation, because I must focus on her. But I am living through this situation. Maybe she does not understand what I am going through. One thing I am very grateful to God for, is that He is the only one carrying me through this. If it was not for Him I would have landed up in a mental institute, because there was a time through this, in the beginning of it all, I felt like I was loosing my mind. Who do I speak to about what is bothering me and cry to about it if I cannot speak to my Father or my sister? Please explain this to me because my parents are deceased. Is God not the best person to speak to? Thanks, Leonie
(USA) Leonie, Matthew 11:28 Encourages you to bring all of your burdens (complaints) to Him. By doing this He will give you rest. However remain respectful in bringing your burdens; do not complain against the Lord or question Him. Only complain of your own feelings, and the devil.
You must remain patient and remember that God does things in His own time. If you complain that it’s not in your time or that God is doing you wrong that is a sin, but if your complaint is of your woes and heartaches those burdens belong to HIM.
Psalm 37: 6-9
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the la
Check out this link http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/disappointment.htm
This is a portion of that article:
Where to Take Your Heartaches
“In the face of trouble, our natural tendency is not to ask the right question. Our natural tendency is to complain. Unfortunately, griping to other people rarely helps solve our problems. Instead, it tends to drive people away. Nobody wants to hang around a person who has a self-pitying, pessimistic outlook on life.
But we can’t just let it go. We need to pour our heart out to someone. Disappointment is too heavy a burden to bear. If we let disappointments pile up, they lead to discouragement. Too much discouragement leads to despair. God doesn’t want that for us. In his grace, God asks us to take our heartaches to him.
If another Christian tells you that it’s wrong to gripe to God, just send that person to the Psalms. Many of them, like Psalms 31, 102 and 109, are poetic accounts of hurts and grievances. God listens. He’d rather have us empty our heart to him than keep that bitterness inside. He is not offended by our discontent.
Complaining to God is wise because he’s capable of doing something about it, while our friends and relations may not be. God has the power to change us, our situation, or both. He knows all the facts and he knows the future. He knows exactly what needs to be done."
I hope that you find this helpful Leonie; I found it very soothing as I read it. Remember to honor God and always be grateful for this life he’s given but do not be afraid to tell him when you’re down, when you’re discouraged, when you’re hurt because HE is the only relief. “
Lande, What Anne told you is right. You can’t change this situation, you can’t change your husband, and you can’t make him do anything. This is just too big for you. BUT it is NOT too big for GOD! The only thing you have control over is yourself. Your feelings are your own and your actions are at your will. Pray that God Guides them and work on your own faults and your relationship with God. As many times as I’ve said this to others I am also finding it hard to do. I recently had some bad days in my marriage. My husband has been buying into the lies of the world and he tried to convince me as well. In the past I have went along with him (even joined in), but God lifted me and I did stand firm against these lies. My husband and I fought and fought. Suddenly God convicted me to stop. I just relaxed and let it go. It’s not my battle to fight. I remembered that I needed to be an example and let GOD shine through me. It was so hard to let it go but I did. Yesterday my husband and I had a discussion right after I said a prayer for him. The discussion led him to grab his Bible and we actually talked spiritually. It was almost like a dream. God is working and if you back off long enough you’ll see it.
Anne, I love you girl. You’re an inspiration to a lot of people including myself, did you know that? Things are getting better now thank you for asking. Did you and Steve ever talk? Did it go well?
Have a great day everyone, Love, Lynne
(USA) Dearest Leonie, I wanted to respond to you with what the Holy Spirit is telling me. I love everything you write. Although my personal circumstances are different from yours, somewhat, I sense a lot of similarities in emotional responses. I want to respond to different points you made in your last post as well as something you wrote in one of your previous posts. I trust the Lord will have them come to my mind in no particular order except one in which He wants you to read them.
Regarding the complaining – here is a verse on that: Philippians 2:14, Do everything without complaining or arguing. Having quoted that, let me tell you my experience with this verse. Do I live by this every day? Absolutely not. I’m currently 4 months pregnant – I have SERIOUS hormones. When I’m not crying, I’m upset, lol. Some days sleep deprivation doesn’t bother me; other days – I’m like a bear. So we are supposed to not complain but I believe that’s in there as a goal to attain. It comes with spiritual maturity. It may sound insensitive on your sister’s part (and perhaps she should lay off with those comments) but the next time she says it think of it this way – think of it as God speaking to you through her words (since she is quoting scripture) in that this is where God wants you to be eventually. It’s a process – it doesn’t happen overnight. When you find yourself complaining, tell God and then do the following – find the more positive way to look at it. Look at this trial, and it is a trial, as a journey God is using to bring you closer to God and make you more spiritually mature.
This brings me to my next point. This pertains to something you wrote in one of your previous posts – you said God had given you visions of what was going to happen in the situation with your ex-husband, his girlfriend and other members of his family. John 16:13 says that the Holy Spirit will show us things to come. Clearly that is what he has done here with you. When I read this the Holy Spirit spoke to me very strongly and this is the sense I was given – you are currently remaining in that house to learn. You’ve been shown visions of things to come but God will allow you to remain there for a certain length of time (I was not given that info) in order for you to learn through your trial.
You are going to have a new home, assuredly, but right now God is working on you through your current trial of circumstances. He is bringing you to a new level of spiritual maturity through your time there.
Regarding not noticing what is going on around you – I wanted to give you the following verse: Matt. 10:16 says be wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there are strange circumstances in your current living situation. I think telling someone not to notice their life is like telling a blind person not to use an aid to help them walk around. Your current life is for your strengthening of character and for you to grow. How would you learn from it if you didn’t notice it? So I disagree from your sister on that point.
BUT – she is probably saying what she says because she senses your bitterness and hurt. We all sense it as it is evident in your letters. It’s normal but it’s a challenge and an opportunity God is giving you to become less bitter and less complainant. I think that’s the goal right now.
When my husband is verbally abusive to me – I can wallow or I can look for something else to focus on. Here’s what I believe God has shown me and helped me learn – yes, notice it. To do otherwise would make you a rock or robot. Process it and pray about what God wants you to see and/or do (if anything) and then move on from it. Find the things that are positive. For you and I, it’s our children. They are the light in a dark world. So I try to play with my son or go to a playground or something to that effect. There’s a verse I learned that applies and I REALLY like to think of it when I’m being hit with a hard day so the next time you find yourself complaining not only think of the following verse, but put it into practice and you will find your countenance changing:
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
With love and God is with you and loves you and blesses your efforts to seek out His way in all things, LT
(USA) Wow! I found this site looking at information on Power of a Praying Wife book. I have been reading letters from you ladies and it helps me in this time. I need to focus on other things right now besides my problems. This helps to know I am not the only one having tests in my life.
A great friend of mine told me to watch the words that come out of my mouth. We can speak things into existence. She told me to stop using the "D" word (Divorce) and to keep hoping and praying for the great things God had in store.
I have only been married two weeks and things are going downhill fast. We seemed to be the perfect couple, so in love. Now my husband will not speak to me or even look at me. I have so much pain inside. I am trying to understand what went wrong. I think its an attack from his past marriage. I long for his love and tenderness. He’s such a loving man otherwise.
I am now staying with family until he reaches out to me. I have done everything in my power …let him yell at me …said I was sorry for whatever I had done …asked and even at the last sorry, desperate moment, begged him to forgive me. He will not! He has hardened his heart to me. BUT I can feel God in this and He is changing me, teaching me patience and how to pray for my husband.
I read The Power of a Praying Wife in two days, and every prayer I read out loud and ended it in Jesus name. I know that God will change me and work through me. My husbands heart will turn back to God and he will fall in love with me again. I must be patient!!! My scripture is "BE still and know that I am God." Keep your faith in God ladies.