I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Anne, Thank you so much for your prayers they mean very much to me. I did pray for your husbands dream to come true and that it may lead him closer to the Lord. I am so happy to hear that things with your hubby are going well. My husband too has really done a 180. He just stopped trying there for awhile and the idea of a separation really turned him around. I know that God really convicted him to change what he was doing because it was senseless cruelty. YEAH GOD!
My cousin is doing very well, thank you so much for asking. She is doing outpatient treatment now and finished inpatient about 2 weeks ago. She is going to church with us on Sunday again and I truly believe God has already healed her. Thank you all so much for your prayers. Praise God! Love you Anne. Love, LYNNE
(RSA) Good morning Ladies, its been a while since I have written any comments, but this morning I feel so ANNNGRY and let down! Angry at my husband and angry at God. At the beginning of the year, my husband and I were separated due to him loosing his head, and because he says I nag a lot. I nagged, because I wasn’t getting enough attention from him, because he was busy chatting to other women on the internet. I HATE the internet, I wish GOD would jam the "whatever" on his phone, so that my husband can NEVER get access to it again! I am so angry and hurt and let down.
We patched things up, and I promise you with GODS help and HIM showing me how to pray and what to pray for, our marriage was restored! Bless God for that! We had a wonderful loving time together. Although my husband started working very long hours (due to a job change) he still made time to phone me and text me once in a while during the day. He worked hard, but I knew in my heart that there was no chatting with other women.
Then come Friday (he changed jobs again) and had to work over the weekend, WHAM it hit me yesterday, when I released that he has started AGAIN. I am – I can describe how I feel – owthskljvkaoejgisjhflakf rehfiasejf – does that say anything at all?
I truly believed that if you went to GOD in prayer he would remove it permanently from your lives, if it was HIS WILL! Surely, this is not from GOD or HIS WILL! Then why bring it back into our lives? Satan in the name of JESUS I command you to leave our marriage alone!!!!!!
As I was sleeping last night, I had the weirdest dream – can’t remember exactly what, but I did wake up screaming JESUS, JESUS JESUS! Why Lord WHY?
I can’t pray this morning because I am angry. Please Lord, have mercy upon me! I beg you Father, pick me up and make me realise that YOU are in control, and that YOUR WILL, shall be done. Father, I need you to fill me with YOUR peace and to always remember "WWJD". Father please forgive me for being ANGRY at YOU!!!! Lord, Jesus in YOUR loving name I pray Amen.
I am HIS child, where as my husband is not! He believes in God, but has not accepted HIM as his LORD and SAVIOUR. Please pray with me ladies, HIS WORD says where 3 or more are gathered in HIS name, his blessings will flow.
Thanks for reading my message, and sorry for venting my anger and frustration at you, but I needed to vent it. God bless you all!
(USA) Hi ladies, It has been a long while since my last post, but as always I continue to read every post, and in light of Sue’s situation above, speaking of being angry with God and her husband not being a child of God, I just had to ask for some advice. There is something that has bothered me for a long while now but it’s very ironic that my husband and I had a conversation last night that has really been bugging me and after Sue’s post I just had to write.
I believe my husband has an anger issue with God. He grew up a believer because he attended church with his grandma. Unfortunately when we met and later married, I wasn’t as close to God as I should have been, so making sure he was a child of God wasn’t at the top of my list. A couple years ago my husband’s grandmother passed away and just devastated him. Ever since then every now and then, stuff will come up that will cause him to say things that has kind of clued me in to how he is feeling and thinking now.
Like a while back he mentioned that if there really is a God why would he allow someone like his grandmother (an amazing woman) to pass away and allow someone like his grandfather (not so good) to continue living. This first clued me in to his issue. Then yesterday a friend of ours came over who was recently transformed and has been going to church every time the doors are open. He began preaching to my husband and I thought my husband was going to come unglued. He finally just told him to please stop.
Last night after everyone left he mentioned something about how much his friend has changed and he’s not sure he likes his new persona and how he is pushing religion on everybody. That brought us to the discussion of God again. I discussed with him what I believe and he said that is exactly his point. That everybody grows up believing just what they are taught and everyone’s views on Church and God and how it is supposed to be, are so different that who is to say what is right and whether or not there even is a God?!!
It is just crazy to me because I can see he obviously is confused and has issues but this is my husband, the one that God wants me to stay with forever and he is not even sure that God exists!!!!??? I don’t understand how that can work!! And I don’t understand what I am supposed to do!! I can’t push God on him because he will back away. I know that is how he is. The more you push something on him the more he runs from it.
So basically I really can’t even bring it up in conversation because he will back out of it. I was just lucky that it happened to come up last night because of his friend and I really didn’t push it last night. I just listened and tried to explain my views to him. It just doesn’t make sense to me that me being a complete God loving woman, I would end up with someone that is not even sure of His existence!!
As horrible as it sounds and as much as it makes me cringe to even say it, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with God, no prayer, no church. It really makes me so upset, I don’t know how to handle it or what to do. Please some advice ladies, I could really use it. By the way our marriage otherwise has been slowly progressing, baby steps here and there forward and I am okay with that because it is better than backwards!! Love you all, Amber
(RSA) Good morning everyone, I’m doing better than yesterday, have found peace within God, but there are still moments that the situation gets the better of me. The enemy starts to feed all sorts of rubbish into my head! But then I just tell the enemy to leave me alone, as GOD is in control!
I truly believe, that this will be the last, as my husband is still loving towards me at home. But it does upset me to know that he has "more" time to chat with these women than to chat or text me. I realise he is busy, and so am I, yet I can make time for him, why can’t he make that effort for me?
God truly brought us together for a reason, and only GOD knows what that reason is, and I believe, what God has brought together let no man separate as it says in HIS word.
Amber, in proverbs 31 they talk about the women who has Christ within her, read it. It is not what you say to your husband, your actions speak louder than words. Let the Lord do the talking – through you!
Yesterday, after I posted my letter, I got an email from a friend, – who doesn’t know what I am going through (I’m a very private person – and don’t normally share my private life with others) – and the message was, ‘GOD IS WITH US, LET US PRAISE HIM! GOD CAN MAKE THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPEN AND HE LOVES YOU" Then later as I was spending time with God 1 Peter 3:9 "Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing" This spoke to me to, as I wanted to call this women and tell her fortune, but fortunately the Father intervened.
Last night before going to bed, I read something in Jeremiah 13, (can’t remember the exact verse and exactly what it says) but what spoke to me.
Amber, hang in there, you and your husband are in my prayers! God’s time is not always our time. Enjoy your day.
(USA) Amber, Hey girl, Sue kind of already hit on this but let your actions speak louder than your words, even if you could force your husband into believing he’d only resent you for it. If the conversation ever does come up again though you can just be honest with him. Tell him that you know that he does believe in God and that he’s just angry with God right now and not to wait to long before squaring away. Then leave it at that and let things be. Let God’s love shine through you and let God take it from there. Never stop praying for him though.
Sue, Girl I love ya, I am glad your doing better too. I was going to write back when I saw your post yesterday but I didn’t know what to say. I saw your prayer that you posted and I knew that God was going to take care of it. I know how it feels to be neglected and sometimes my husband can find time for every one else but me too. I am very honest with him about that and let him know now how his actions affect me and our relationship. I think he’s learned now that it’s better to make time for me than spend time arguing with me later over something that was stupid in the first place. Maybe try having a "date night" set aside one day a week just to go out with each other. My husband and I do that now (as long as the funds are available) and we are doing so much better. We only have one rule during date night and that is that there is to be no serious talk (work, business, issues, etc.).
I’ll be praying for you ladies, Love ya. Love, Lynne
P.S. Has anyone heard from Leonie? I really hope she’s ok. Still praying for ya girl!
(RSA) Hi all and thanks Lynne, yesterday I was doing great, today – the day has barely started, and I feel so down and heart broken. When is it going to STOP? Something that I learned along the way is that to nag about something is not good and it is better to nag at GOD at what is bothering you. But I just feel like GOD isn’t doing anything!!!!!!
This morning my husband phoned this other women whom he is chatting with and was chatting to her via the internet too. But what do I get NOTHING!!!!!! If I don’t phone him or text him, I don’t hear from him. I have spoken to him about it, and he says that he is very busy during the day. Ha ha ha ha, lol! How can he be so busy if he is chatting to her via the internet????
I am lonely and I miss my best friend, and I miss his love and affection during the day. As I am writing this, I am sitting here crying. My heart is so so sore. Why Lord? Why after such a long time of him not doing this, why did he start again???? God what am I supposed to learn from this? I keep praying but it feels like my prayers are only reaching the roof. Its so hard to keep faith and believing that God can and will do something about it, and i know HIS time is not my time, but at the same time can’t GOD see the pain and hurt?
Anyway ladies, sorry for going on and on, but I don’t have a support group of friends whom I can trust and open up to. Enjoy your day. Amber how you doing?
(RSA) Afternoon Ladies, I am really struggling today, struggling not to nag at my husband (do you know he sent her 26 text messages today – that I know of) to give me more attention. But before I can say "uncle Jack" there I go again and tell him. I know that I shouldn’t do this cos this only causes him to withdraw more and more. I am so desperate for his attention. To make matters worse he’s working long hours, and at the moment it seems that he’s working longer hours everyday. I don’t doubt that he is at work, but he’s worked the last four weekends, and was supposed to be off this coming weekend, so we made a date for Friday night. Wham, what happens, the ones that are supposed to work this weekend can’t work on their own. So the foreman says my husband has to work this weekend too. So he said that he’s sorry but he doesn’t have a choice. Yes, I agree, but at the same time I can’t help crying WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!!
I know I sound like a child but I can’t help how I am feeling right now, and I hate myself when I am this depressed! At this moment, I wish I could just crawl into a hole and never come out again.
This morning I received this via email "We know that God will work all things together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8 v 28) – God is working behind the scenes in your life today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what your trial may be. God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him."
Am I reading too much into the above, or was it a message from God? I am spending a lot of time with HIM, but at the same time I can’t think of anything else but the situation. It’s in my mind 24/7. I think I am driving myself insane, God too and my husband too.
Enjoy your evening ladies and may God Bless EACH and every one of you. Much love.
(USA) Sue, I just said a very strong prayer for you. I understand about how nagging will make your hubby with draw more but have you told him (recently) how you feel? I think that you should probably let him know how his actions are affecting you. Let him know that these "chats" with other women hurt your feelings. I would also advise that you speak with a spiritual leader in your church. I am famous for suggesting this but Matthew 18:15-17 tell us that this is how God wants us to handle those who sin against us. That is what your husband is doing right now. He is sinning against you by speaking with these other women.
You should confront him by yourself and if that doesn’t work then confront him with other witnesses. Meeting with your Pastor or someone that you trust in your church is a great idea. I know it can be scary because the last thing anyone wants is to air out their dirty laundry in public but there is a reason why God tells us to handle these problems this way and TRUST HIM to keep what you need private. The truth is that others finding out that you have problems is not as bad as losing your marriage. I know because I almost found out the hard way. While my marriage is far from perfect and my husband and I fight sometimes like enemies, I have peace now and I can honestly say that things are getting better.
Prayer is a powerful tool but when you feel like God isn’t doing anything you need to ask yourself a couple of questions. Is it really that God isn’t doing anything or is it that you’re not doing anything? God can do anything but sometimes HE asks us to meet him half way. When you pray don’t forget to listen more than you speak. When you ask for something stop, and wait, before going on and on. God will give you what you need but He’ll also tell you what you need to hear.
Sue, my heart goes out to you. I feel like I am in the same boat in a way. My husband has been pretty neglectful lately and today we had some very stressful financial situations occur and surprisingly he comforted me. Great things will happen just keep believing, praying, and listening. Do what HE tells you to and TRUST HIM to do right by you (because he always will) and you’ll have peace.
I love ya girl and I’ll keep praying for you and your husband. Love, Lynne
(USA) Hi Amber, I’m so sorry to read of your husband’s spiritual journey taking the turn that it has. Faith isn’t something you can explain away in concrete terms. It sounds like your husband wants more explanation right now from God than He sees that your husband should have. That’s difficult for us to understand because “if I were God” I would do it differently. But I’m not God. He says that His ways are not our ways and our ways are not His. It comes down to the fact that He is God and we are not, and we have to trust Him.
I know for a fact that when our sons were much younger, they thought at times that we were the meanest parents in the world because we didn’t do things their way. They were sure they knew best at certain times, what should and shouldn’t have been done. But we knew things they didn’t and no matter how much we wanted to explain our decisions to them in ways they could understand, their immature minds couldn’t comprehend that. (I’m going through this right now with our 2 and a half year old granddaughter.) It comes to the point where we just have to do (or not do) what we know best as parents (and grandparents) and know that they won’t always be happy… but ultimately, things have to go that way. It is best for all concerned.
God is handling a much more complex world than we have ever had or will ever have to handle. He’s given us principles in the Bible and we have access to the Holy Spirit as children of God, because of Christ’s sacrifice. But there are many times when we just have to trust and know that this is a faith walk we are journeying along, and many of the “answers” to our doubt questions, won’t be answered this side of heaven. And many of our prayers won’t be answered in our lifetime (see Hebrews 11). But that doesn’t make God any less real and His truths any less real. In Noah’s day, everyone else was “doing their own thing” also, but everyone else was wrong. How do you know your way is right and their way is wrong? That’s where trust in God comes in and having a close relationship with God where you talk with Him and listen to Him daily through the various ways He provides to those who seek Him.
I say all that to say that my heart and prayers go out to your husband and to you. Some things I just don’t understand, but I pray that some day, your husband will experience Christ in such a way that he will be satisfied with not understanding certain things that he can’t explain. His faith will be solid and immovable none-the-less.
For now, it seems that you will have to live out the principle of 1 Peter 3 where it tells wives to live with their husbands in such a way that “if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” You will find quite a few articles (and recommended resources and web sites) posted in the section of the Marriage Missions web site titled “Unbelieving Husband” that could possibly help you with this journey. (We keep looking for more, so check back from time-to-time.)
I pray you will stay strong in Christ and not waiver, even though your husband is weak in his faith at this time. Allow Christ to put His strength into you to help you deal with your husband until he is able to come out stronger on the other side. My sister-in-law lived in this state in her marriage for over 20 years. Less than a year before he died, he finally saw Christ in Truth and accepted Him as his Savior and his Lord. We can hardly wait to be reunited with him in Heaven. 20 years is a long time in our lifetime, but in light of eternity, it is a drop in the bucket.
Please know that our love and prayers are with you. Blessings in Him, Cindy (and many, many others)
(RSA) Morning Ladies, Today I’m doing ok – hanging in there – but filled with God’s peace within. I have this feeling that something is going to happen – WHAT – I don’t know. But it’s there!
Amber thanks so much for your words of encouragement – it means a lot to know that someone cares and for your prayers. You said that I should speak to the pastor. I do daily, the only pastor I have is GOD! We don’t go to church, but I get messages etc daily via email, not the same but that is it! As I said before my husband does not have a personal relationship with the Lord, which is something that I am praying about too.
Something you said really got to me, when praying I have been so busy asking God to stop the communication and sinful/lustful thoughts and actions, I forgot to LISTEN to what HE was trying to say to me. Last night as I lay in bed, praying once again, I realized that. So I stopped praying and started listening and worshiping HIM instead, which is why I probably feel better today. I am concentrating on GOD instead of the problem.
God is good – all the time! God’s delays are not God’s denials. God’s timing is PERFECT. Patience is what we need in prayer. Something that I don’t have a lot of at the moment.
I will keep praying for you too Amber, God is there and He does know! Lots of love
(USA) Sue, That is great that you are starting to know what Peace feels like. Hold on to it because the devil doesn’t want you to feel that. I am so sorry that you do not have a regular Pastor or church family. If a Pastor is not available to you, you might try talking to a Christian counselor. It’s more helpful than you realize and I saw one for a few months not too long ago. Even if your husband is not willing to go with you that is fine. You can still learn so much on your own. It would also give you a support person to talk to without them being too close to your situation. I am sure Cindy might be able to help you find a good church or pastor in your area too if you ask her. I really hope that things change and everyday when I read your posts I pray for your husband’s lust and for your peace. I love ya girl and keep your peace because God can handle any problem. Nothing is to big for HIM. Love, LYNNE
(CANADA) Hi ladies. Hope you’re all doing well. Sue, sorry that things have been tough for you. I know the pain that comes with another woman coming first. Up to this day I still get annoyed when I think about it and I have to remind myself to choose to forgive again. I want to encourage you a lot to keep praying and please pray for the other woman too. God tells us to pray for our enemies which is so hard to do and God knows it’s not easy for us to do that. When you do that the blessings form God will be so abundant. I always pray for the other woman to this day coz like I said I still get angry about it at times. But I know it’s the work of the enemy that doesn’t want me to let go of this issue but I refuse to let it control me.
Sue, be patient God always has a plan for us and the times when we feel or think that God isn’t listening to us that’s when He’s working on things we can’t just see at the time. Pray for your husband a lot. Gal, don’t give up. Please remember to pray for patience while you’re in God’s waiting room and pray that God will guide you to forgive both of them. I’ll pray for you gal and your husband. Remember nothing is impossible for God. Take care. Lynne how you doing???
(RSA) Hi everyone, thanks so much Lynne and Anne for your words of encouragement. It is hard to sometimes be nice all the time to my husband, but I am trying to guard my mouth and my feelings towards my husband. I am praying for him day and night, but it is at times difficult to pray with love and forgiveness. As for her, I am having difficulty with that one. But am trying!
Yes, Anne you’re right, I have to pray for patience, but that is hard too. But I am getting there. Lynne, I have GOD’s peace with me most of the time, but there are times when the enemy does get the better of me! But I confess it to God, as soon as I realize it!
As I said yesterday, I am sure something is happening – but I don’t know what – I still have that feeling today.
I just want to thank both of you for your prayers and loving words. Please keep praying for us! And yes, NOTHING is impossible for OUR FATHER! Enjoy
(MALAWI) Hi Ladies, my name is Abigail. It’s my first time to visit this site. I was married very young and we were not saved then. I was saved first in 2005 and my husband in 2006. I went through a lot up to the time my husband received Christ. I want to share with you ladies some things I learned as I was praying for my husband’s salvation.
1. Nothing is too hard for God. It’s not that God doesn’t hear, but sometimes God wants to deal with us first. He wants us to get to know him, to get closer to him. God knows our hearts and He wants to give us the best. Even in a marriage, the more we seek God ladies, he breaks us, molds us & God shapes to what He wants us to be. After a year of praying, crying unto God to change my situation I was a totally different person. God removed some things in me that were not pleasing to Him.
2. Don’t give up. To me the more I prayed for my marriage, the more the devil was showing up. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t fighting with flesh and blood but principalities and powers of the dark. I really came to understand that there is something good on the other side. God strengthened me to keep on fighting and a day came when the devil stopped making me cry every night. Ladies, a day has to come when your situation just vanishes. So keep on fighting no matter how long it can take, victory is yours in Jesus’ name. If you can also find trusted friends who can stand with you, the burden becomes lighter. To my husband, I am his Queen now. Glory be to God.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi all ladies, I have been reading some of the problems that my sisters have been gone through in their lives. I for one believe, it is not because we married the wrong person, it because God needs to determine some of dirty things stuck in our flesh -Roman 7:18-26. Then when those things are gone you will feel like….what a waste of energy. But things happen for a reason. God needs us to tell our sisters out there that with God everything is possible. Sisters, God is the answer to all our problems, but you need to be patient. Those problems make you and me strong. I have faith in you. It is true ladies that prayer is the only one way to overcome your problems, but you need to be honest with God.