I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(ZAMBIA) Tarisai, your comment just came in at the right time. I had an argument with my husband 4 days ago, and we haven’t really been on speaking terms. I take it he is in the wrong and he thinks I was in the wrong. I have had too much bitterness in my heart. However, I have quoted the scriptures you put down and I will read them through and pray that God grants me a forgiving heart.
The situation at home has been stressful, but I will learn to persevere and be patient with my husband and also pray for him to realize his faults too. Thank you! God bless you and all the women at prayer!!!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Tarisai, I have found so much encouragement in your letter, but the best of all that I want to share with all you ladies is this, God is powerful !
It has been almost a month since I wrote my previous comment, and to tell the truth, my husband and I have "separated" since then. By "separated" I mean, we still live in the same house just different bedrooms. I have been praying as Stormie suggested in her book day and night, and I just want to share with each of you what has happened. I truly believe that DIVORCE is NOT an option for any of us, as we are children of God. Therefore I have been praying "as if" my husband and I have been united. I have been through Stormie’s book 3 times and will continue reading it and praying along the same lines.
My husband and I were not on talking terms when I wrote my previous comment, but we are on talking terms again. Believe it or not our sex life is great, but we aren’t "together" anymore as he says. And he has to keep reminding himself that! My husband is a wonderful person, and would be a great witness – he just has that type of personality that draws people to him – but unfortunately he does not know the Lord as his personal Saviour, but that is going to change VERY soon. I know that God is up to something!!!!
This last week we have been spending time together as friends and lovers, and I can see that God is changing things between us. Previously where things would have bothered me, now I just couldn’t care less cos I know that it is God’s problem not mine. The Lord is in control. What I really want to say is that PRAYER CHANGES THINGS !!! It really does. I know how much I have grown in the last 3 weeks, its amazing! The Lord is the first thing I think of in mornings when I wake up and the last thought I have at night before I fall asleep.
I just want to say thanks to those of you who have prayed with me for our marriage to be renewed, restored and transformed. God is breathing HIS LIFE into our marriage! God has given each of us so much to be thankful for. At the moment I am thankful that God will restore and renew my marriage and that my husband will accept God into his life. The power of the Holy Spirit can transform anything or anyone to where God wants them to be, in order to enable us to HEAR HIS VOICE! God bless
(ZIMBABWE) I was so happy when I read about what the Lord has done in Sue’s marriage. The Lord is good and will always be. Sue, this is just the beginning of something big that the Lord wants to do in your life. Keep on praying and he will guide you. Remember the Israelites, the Lord removed them from the house of bondage and placed them in a country of honey and milk and that is exactly what the Lord is doing in your marriage. I will keep on praying for you and the rest of the women out there for our marriages to work and above all to work in God’s direction so that we have Godly marriages.
Mary, the situation that you have we all have gone through, but what you need to do is keep on praying and through faith everything is possible. God will answer your prayers and give you the most enjoyable marriage. I’m glad that you believe in perseverance, which is important. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and your soul and he will deliver you from pain.
Ladies, let us all pray for each other and let the Lord strengthen and refine our marriages. God bless and enjoy the Easter holidays and remember Christ died for us because he loves us. If we truly love our husbands we should keep on praying and remember not to say anything hurtful in the heat of the moment, but to calm down first and ask God for advice on how to deal with the situation. That is also the sacrifice that Jesus made for us
(CANADA) Hi everyone this is my first time on this site. I’ve read a lot of encouraging things and I agree us women need to get down on our knees and pray for our marriages and husbands. I’m reading Stormie’s book now. This is the 2nd time. The 1st time I didn’t comprehend the magnitude of that book since I was still in my "honeymoon" stage.
I’ve been married for 2 yrs now and things went from great to almost ending the marriage. We grew distant and I felt my husband didn’t provide for my emotional needs. The more I talked, the more he withdrew. He told me his needs and I was always defensive. Then another woman came into our marriage and that destroyed me. When I confronted him, he lied, shut down, and became cold and distant. He moved out of the room and said the marriage was over. The pain was so much. Then I called out to God. At first I couldn’t feel Him and I realized I had to ask for forgiveness.
I asked God to show me what I did wrong, and that is when He directed me to read the book again. And oh my, what I learned from that chapter of the wife, is how much I disrespected my husband! I cried out to God to forgive me and that’s when I started realizing that God had to change me first before He would change my husband. It was still a painful time and my faith was tested. Satan didn’t want me to prevail. I knew it was a battle.
When I had gotten to the point where I had had enough, I decided to leave and that is when God opened the door. My husband wrote me an email and said he was sorry and wanted to work on the marriage. I hadn’t seen that coming… but God is great.
We have since seen our pastor and have asked each other for forgiveness. It’s not easy because he’s still struggling with a lot of things and I still get angry about the affair. I just want to hurt the other woman. Just pray with me so that I may forgive her and find healing. This is where patience and perseverance comes in. I always read the book of James 1:2-3. I would like to suggest some books that are helping me now:
1. Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage (Stormie Omartian).
2. How to Save Your Marriage Alone (Ed Wheat)
3. Love and Respect (Dr Emerson Eggerichs) This book is great! If you can get your husband to read it, that would be great. Mine doesn’t read books, but I’m praying.
Thank you all so much. It’s nice to communicate with women who are fighting for their marriages because some of the advice I’ve been getting, was to leave my husband. But God told me otherwise. Let’s continue to pray for each other and support each other. May God bless you all you’re all truly strong women.
(USA) Thank you Anne for your lovely testimony!
(CANADA) Hey all I’m feeling discouraged and I need a lot of prayer. Yesterday I realized my husband called this other woman. Apparently she has problems. Why he called her I don’t get but it hurt a lot to see how easy it is for him to please her and how easy it is for him to hurt me. I am so angry and so bitter I don’t know how to deal with it. How will I stop feeling this way? It was so hard to pray last night coz of all the horrible things I said about her. I had to ask for forgiveness but still I just feel so violated after trying to work so hard to put the pieces together. Pray for me to make the right choice for God to forgive me coz I have evil thoughts running through my mind. Thank you all and God bless.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I didn’t know Marriage Missions had a site like this one. Thank you; its uplifting and encouraging. It’s only today that I wanted to find out more about "The Power of a Praying Wife", that I came across this.
I like Tarisai’s advice for learning to be quiet until the storm is over. I have gained a lot from this as well and I am still in the process to win completely because at times I find myself answering back again. It’s a war against Satan and his agents, and I have to fight it through. Satan is on a mission to destroy marriages, and it’s up to us ladies to stand FIRM and fight the war. It’s in the power of a woman to build or destroy a marriage and with this in mind, I want to say to Sue (SA), claim your BEDROOM back in the Name of Jesus. Like Cecilia (RSA) mentioned, it’s not by chance or mistake that we met with our husbands. Keep on praying ladies and remember not to be moved or shaken by passing Jezebels. For these are Satan’s agents in action against your marriage!
(SA) Hi Taraisi, Thanks so much for the encouragement that you have given me.
To keep you all up dated, we have decided to try ONCE again, Although things aren’t as they should be between my husband and myself, I’m not discouraged, because I know that GOD is working in both of us. In some ways, I see changes within my hubby and I can’t believe that he has changed, but other things have remained the same. Although we are back together, our sex life has taken a slow down (but this could be from medication that he is taking at the moment) but he is so loving at times – just what I always wanted and the way he was before we were married.
But that is not what I want to say, all I want to say is THANK YOU JESUS – that my hubby was willing and that GOD is moving and working within us. I realize that NOW the TRUE tough time is upon us, as I have to keep praying and keeping my focus on GOD. Although my hubby doesn’t know that I am praying for our marriage, GOD does KNOW! With God all things are possible! And I believe, that GOD will enable my hubby’s spirit to turn to GOD.
Lets support one another in our prayers. God Bless
(CANADA) Hey all, I just wanna give an update. But first Sue, I’m truly happy for you and what God is doing to your marriage and your husband.
As for me, things are really slow. After I found out that my hubby communicated with the woman he had an affair with, I was losing my grip on things, and not forgetting, and losing my mind. Yesterday I called our pastor and told him what happened and he prayed for me and my hubby. We go to see him tomorrow. What I wanted to share is that I was so low and sad last evening, and was wondering what I’m doing in a marriage that has become so empty. My husband is still withdrawn and has this empty look in his eyes. Then I realized what satan is trying to do. He wants to destroy us coz he knows how hard I’m praying. He’s using this other woman again to get back into our marriage and is giving me evil thoughts about the 2 of them.
Last night I cried to God asking Him why I’m suffering so much, and what is the reason behind this. I prayed that He may speak to me and tell me what to do. I was just tired of hurting. This morning I felt the same thing. I woke up with a heavy hurt and again I cried to God. Then I opened the Bible and what I read told me what God is doing. It’s found in 1st Peter chapter 5 verse 6-10. I needed to cast all my burdens onto Him. That was something, and that’s what I needed. I opened up myself up to Him and asked Him to fill the void I felt in my heart. God is great, coz He wasn’t done speaking to me.
I have some gospel music on my laptop and I was listening to it. One has to click on a song when they wanna listen. So when the song ended I didn’t do anything, but God did. Another song played by YOLANDA ADAMAS -FRAGILE HEART, and it just says how it’s me and God in this, and my fragile heart is His to mend. I should forget about everything else, and just Trust Him. I tell you, I have cried to God thanking Him for speaking to me, coz that’s what I had asked for. He is truly amazing! I have renewed hope that God will pour His love and blessings into this marriage. I just need to trust Him and have patience. I’m praying for my hubby coz God is calling him to turn to Him, but he’s not listening. He’s just listening to the lies of the enemy. Help me pray for him.
One more thing… my husband and the other woman work together, and all along I told God I didn’t like that they work together. On Sunday my hubby told me that she got another job and she’s leaving that company. THANK GOD for His faithfulness. May we all support each other in prayer coz we need God’s strength to defeat the plans of the enemy. May God bless you all.
(SA) Anne, I know exactly how you feel, and GOD has spoken to me too, in the way HE has spoken to you. I want you to seek your fulfillment from GOD, and not your hubby. It is amazing that once you ask GOD to fulfill your emotional side and release your hubby from that job, you will be amazed at the change that comes from within YOU! GOD wants to work in your marriage but you have to let go, and let GOD do the work.
Write it down on a piece of paper and give it to GOD to handle. HE can and WILL if you let HIM. GOD needs you to let go!
Hang in there girl, and we will keep on praying. GOD is AWESOME!!! NOTHING is impossible for HIM! God bless
(USA) Hi Anne, I’ve read your last couple of comments. Particularly the one dated on Mar. 24 – the first thing that hit me was this: It’s a bit of a different angle from the way you or your husband (and even others) would probably look at the situation but I believe (and I am in a better position to be objective since I don’t know either of you personally) that it breaks down like this.
The woman your husband has befriended clearly doesn’t have God in a high enough position in her life. (Perhaps she doesn’t have God at all, I don’t know). If she did, she’d be going to God with her problems and not a married man. It’s simply inappropriate. There are a few exceptions, such as if the man is a minister or spiritual mentor. But your husband is neither of those things to her, yet she’s made him that. In essence, he’s become her "savior" with a lowercase S. That’s a form of idolatry.
On your husband’s part – it’s a form of infidelity because even if he is not physically involved with her, Jesus says even the thought is already adultery. Matt. 5:27-28
It sounds like this woman needs help. I feel someone should reach out to her and help her but not your husband. And, only if she’s open to it. Most of us know when we are sent to minister to others (including just writing comments on this site to help others). But God never sends one of His children to minister to another unless it falls in line with scriptural mandates – what your husband is doing is not ministering to that woman, but satisfying his own fleshly lusts. It’s a form of distraction he uses to avoid tacking the problems in your marriage. I don’t suggest you tell him this (he probably doesn’t have ears to hear it from you), but I simply tell you this so that you know and can see the bigger picture.
I’m glad to hear that you are seeing a pastor tomorrow about this.
It’s absolutely imperative that your husband make a decision on his actions. Either he thinks it’s inappropriate to have a relationship with this woman or he doesn’t. Is he a Christian? If so, there are plenty of scriptures that show how he is acting outside of the Christian code set forth through scripture. If he isn’t, then it is simply your job, as a Christian, to handle each and every day (which currently includes your husband’s actions) the way you know you ought to.
There is nothing wrong with you setting boundaries for yourself. You cannot MAKE him do the right thing, but you can tell him how you believe and how you interpret scripture and why you think his actions are a problem. It’s very difficult to share that, however, when one is so involved, hurt and emotions are running high so it’s imperative you start every day (and every conversation) by praying for God to give you the right words and attitude.
One suggestion would be to tell your husband that the next time the woman calls with her problems, he can hand the phone to you and you can minister to her as a Christian woman OR you can give him your pastor’s number and have your husband tell that woman to call the pastor. I don’t see anything wrong with either of those options. At this point, out of the 3 people involved, Anne, you are the one who has the opportunity to take the higher, more Christian road. It sounds like your husband and his female friend are too caught up in sin to think clearly but you obviously have the peace of mind from God.
It is evident just by you writing of your prayer life and reading scripture. I daresay you have a huge opportunity with all of this to stand up and be the light because you can (with God’s help and strength) and possibly the other two do not even know how to be a light. Ministry comes in strange forms and God definitely works in mysterious ways (to us as humans anyway). I’m not saying you and your husband take this woman under your collective wings forever but the two suggestions are a way of handling the next time she wants to contact your husband. Those possibilities exist until she is able to find God or be out of your lives.
At any rate – these are the things that occurred to me when I read your comments. I’ll pray for your meeting with your pastor and for God’s healing for you and your husband individually and as a couple.
(CANADA) Hi all thanks a lot Sue and LT for your messages and prayers. LT thanks a lot for the advice. I thought about it and I’m praying for God to direct me. I liked the idea of calling the pastor. I’ll talk to him on Monday. Funny thing, the pastor’s wife asked me if I would be able to help her too by talking to her, when we went for our appointment. Honestly i don’t think I’m in a position to do that. I just want her out of our marriage.
The best thing that happened during our pastor’s visit is that God really intervened coz my hubby has been withdrawn and he really opened up. He blames himself for a lot things and he feels like he’s failed as a husband. He also said that to think he turned out like his dad (he cheated on his mum repeatedly). I felt bad for him coz that’s really a huge burden to carry and I wish i could carry it for him, but it’s not mine to carry but God’s. I’ll pray for him continually.
I’m asking God to help me out coz I need to forgive her too so that I may get peace. Though in all honesty, I know satan will use her and other things to destroy what we are trying to build, and I’m thinking what is the best way to stop him, and then to direct her to God. I hope I’ll be able to hear God’s voice because I’m so bitter. There’s a prayer in Stormie’s book that asks God to show us when the enemy is approaching so that we may be able to stop him. I can clearly see what he wants to do. I’ll pray a lot and just do what God wants.
Thank you a lot; this site is really helpful and very encouraging. It’s amazing what happens when as women we stand together in prayer. Pray for me to be able to release all this to God and for God to also forgive me for being unable to forgive at this time. Thank you so much I’ll pray with you always and I’ll update you.
(CANADA) Hey All I hope you’re all doing well. I’m ok still struggling a lot. My husband is carrying a huge burden I’m just praying b’coz i know it’s not my burden to carry. I really want to support him though and let him know I’m there for him. I just don’t know how to do that. Does anybody have any idea how I can do this and not be "pushy"?
I just feel that we need to do things together and create new memories. I don’t want us to drift further apart. He’s been sleeping in the guest room for the last 2 months. Even after he said he wanted us to work out our problems he hasn’t "moved back in". I haven’t asked him why or to move back in. I don’t want to give the enemy a foothold to destroy our marriage again and use this "separation" to his advantage.
I know with all the prayers God is protecting us and I know this is my WAITING PERIOD where God works miracles. I normally work on weekends and this is my weekend off and I was thinking to plan a get away where we’ll just have a nice time re-enjoying each other. I’m thinking of a place we’ve been to before and he loved it. I hope and pray this will help. I’ve prayed about it and hope that God will guide me in this plans and helps us build our communication.
Pray for me and this plans coz if I sit and wait for him to do something I’ll be waiting for a while. I need to drop my pride and follow God’s guidance. Thank you all for your support and prayers. I will be praying for all you. I don’t know any of you but because God has brought us together with His Grace and Love, I love you all. Lets continue standing together in prayer.
(USA) Hello Ladies, I feel God led me to this website today. I was merely looking for the above book when I scrolled down and found everyones comments. I have had a struggling marriage for the past year and just yesterday was wondering about a site where I could post a comment to possibly get some feedback and encouragement.
Seven years ago I met the man of my dreams and married him four years ago. In 06 we had our first child and things slowly started turning sour. With the added strain of our child we started having arguments like we had never had before. However our love and affection were still there. When my son was 6 months, one weekend my husband just changed overnight and said he was angry at me but didn’t want to talk about it. Finally he let it all out and said that he just didn’t feel the same anymore, etc. etc. and that all of his affection and love over the past year had been a "front" but he just couldn’t do it anymore.
I convinced him to stay and later that week I found out about long phone conversations with another female who didn’t even know he was married!! I literally felt like I had been punched in the stomach and basically didn’t want to live anymore. This was coming from someone who had just been completely affectionate and loving with me every day until now!
I contacted the girl and when she found out he was married she cut off all conversation with him, thus ending their relationship. We stayed in different rooms for a while but never left the house. Since then it has been a little over a year and things have improved tremendously!! We went from sleeping in different rooms and not talking, to sleeping together and being great friends. However I still do not have his love and affection.
It is so trying, and I miss him in that way sooo much that sometimes I just want to give up. But I made a commitment that I would see this through to the end and I would not be the one to leave because I love him and I love my son.
There is a song that I listened to in the very beginning of this disaster called "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. Please listen to it!! I bawled my eyes out every time I listened to it and still do, but it gave me such an amazing amount of strength!!
I should note that I have always been a spiritual God-loving woman, but through all of this I have come so much closer to Him. I never realized how far away from Him I truly was. Every day is just a trying day because I long so badly to have the love and affection I used to know from my husband. When I look at how we have progressed over the last year, I guess that is what helps keep me going, because I just think of how much better yet we might be in another year. Anyways I loved reading all of your comments, it’s nice to know I am not alone. Thanks for reading mine.
(USA) Anne, I should have posted this in my previous comment but what I told my husband when it came to supporting him was stated very simply and I just left it at that. He was having a particularly trying night and I simply put my arms around him and told him that I was his wife and I loved him very much. I let him know that he was and is my best friend and that I would be by his side until the very end. I would be his strength for him and he could bear his weight on me and together we would see this through. I let him know that I prayed for him daily, and with that I hugged him tighter and went to bed.
I felt so good after telling him that. And for anyone else, something else that really makes me feel good is to not only talk to God but also to yell at Satan. I let him know from the very beginning that he wasn’t winning this battle. He could try as hard as he wanted but my husband was my territory and I have God on my side and that’s just the way it is. I do this often and I love the power and confidence it gives me!