I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Good Morning everyone, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone for the words of encouragement!! It’s so nice to have positive support that involves staying and working through things with my husband. Too many people in this world including many surrounding me, are just full of negative advice and comments. And so many people are just so quick to throw in the towel. Once again, I cannot express in words how much you all mean to me, and how much you uplift my heart with the words you write. Thanks for being there. Love you all, Amber
(USA) Ladies, Hi there sorry I haven’t been on in a while, I have been working crazy hours. However, I am so glad to hear that everyone is doing better. God Bless you all from the bottom of my heart.
Anne, I am doing well thank you. All of your prayers and everyone else’s are really paying off. My husband is treating me much better. While he still doesn’t help out as much around the house he is definitely helping more with our son. Which is great.
I have a prayer request if you all don’t mind. A friend of mind is going through some troubles right now and is possibly facing a separation. Please pray for her and her marriage. We’ll just call her "S" because I am going to recommend her to this site in a few. She could really use God’s peace and comfort now. I ask that you pray for her husband to straighten his ways too and that his heart can be opened to the Spirit. Thank you ladies so much. Love ya, Lynne
(USA) Good morning ladies, I want to start off by thanking all of you for your prayers. I have not been on in a while for many reasons. One being that my husband’s girlfriend sent me an email, stating I am a hypocrite she could smell a mile away. She told me if I had kept my mouth shut, and let God do his will, then my husband would have come back to me.
I have only been honest in my emails that I pray for his peace and guidance, but apparently she thinks I’m lying. She pointed out that her sins were washed away with Jesus’ blood. But yet she lives with a married man. This frustrates me so, as I am still in the learning stages of my relationship with God. And knowing what she is doing, is making me question God. I know I am wrong for questioning him, and I only hope he will forgive me for this sin.
I would like to ask that you pray for me to find the comfort in Gods word and the knowledge that he is never failing. I know with a prayer team as big as you all are, that he is sure to hear. Thank you all so much. Be blessed. Lynette
(USA) Praying through the deeper issues of marriage is a great book. Thank you everyone and especially Cindy for recommending it. The devil was really attacking my husband and myself this weekend and I read through the section about hardening your heart and prayed about it. It was such a blessing. It gave me the the words I had been missing in my prayers and it really opened my eyes to what I was doing. I wasn’t just hardening my heart to my husband I was hardening my heart to the Lord. I prayed about everything and guess what (although it’s not surprising)? The Lord gave me what I asked for. It was great. God is very, very, very Good every single day. Love, LYNNE
(RSA) Hi everybody, glad to hear that everyone is doing okay and holding on to our dear Lord and praying.
I’m doing better, letting go and letting God do HIS work! I can see changes in my husband, not sure whether he can see changes in me too. I pray that he can and does. We don’t see much of each other lately – as he his very busy at work, and working very long hours. When he is at home he’s very tired – which is understandable, but sometimes it does get me down. During the weekend he made an effort to come home earlier, which was great! It also meant that we had time for … you know, which is an area which hasn’t received much attention either. I still miss his attention, during the day i.e. phone calls and texting me and when we are at home, there just is little attention (hugs etc except for the greeting kiss). I know he is tired and works hard. He is still in touch with this other women, but that is on the decrease too – praise GOD for that!
There I go moaning again, which wasn’t my intention at all. I have peace within me, from GOD. I am praying that GOD will restore our marriage, as it is HIS marriage too. It’s like a triangle – GOD, HUBBY & ME, no matter which way you turn it, the 3 sides are always joined. And that is the way it is with our marriage too. (Even though my husband is not born again) I am focusing more on GOD at the moment and believe that HE will restore and renew it through the power of the Holy Spirit.
May God bless each one of you, and may HIS face shine upon you and may HIS blessing flow upon you too.
(RSA) Morning all, Please could you all pray with me, that the Lord fill me with HIS peace and that HE will bless both my husband & I, as we have a "date" on Friday night – hopefully my husband hasn’t accepted the invitation yet. But he will!!!!! – I pray!!!!
May the Lord guide each one of us, and fill us and lead us. In Jesus loving name.
(CANADA) Hi ladies, it’s been a while since I wrote but I’ve been reading everybody’s comments. I need your prayers. I tell you the enemy has attacked and I need your help. Things have been going great but tonight something happened. We were with my husband and his cell rang and the way he picked it up just got me very suspicious… so I turned his hand around and guess whose number it was…. the other woman. I felt as though my stomach had split into 2.
Anyways my husband told me to leave her alone but I didn’t listen and unfortunately I called her and asked her why she’s calling my husband. She told me that she had gone out and my husband had told her to call when she got home and that they talk at least once a week. I just asked her why they do that and why she doesn’t get what that does to me and my relationship. She just said that they are still friends. My husband got back to the room and asked me to hang up and I asked him why he does that and why he chooses to call her. He said that she’s lying and they don’t talk.
By that time I was crying so I called her again. It went to voice mail and I left a really nasty msg (I know I shouldn’t have) and I asked my husband why she would lie. To cut the story short my husband said she’s lying and why would he ask her to call at night (it was going onto midnight) and we were gonna be together. All in all, he said that she’s trying to destroy us. She also told me that I’m the one who’s forcing my husband to stop being friends with her.
I was crying hysterically by that time and I was shaking so bad, I told my husband that I can’t do this anymore. I should tell you that the last few weeks I’ve really been battling with bad thoughts about her but I’ve also been praying hard for myself and her too. The thing is, about 2 weeks ago I just got a feeling that the 2 of them talk. I really prayed but as you all know the voice of satan is so loud and God has a very gentle voice so all I did was listen to the enemy. But I prayed hard. I told myself that if there was any communication I’ll just surrender it to God and God will use me to end the communication (I was just assuming).
Everyday when I pray, I tell God that I forgive her and him and I ask God if there’s anything I need to know and that I can handle, to reveal it to me. Well I handled it in an ungodly way and now I feel so guilty. The question I have is, would she be that cruel to lie about them talking??? As for my husband, I know he can and would lie to hide that they talk, but would he go that far as to say she’s crazy??
When I was crying, my husband left the room and I expected him to get in the car and leave, which he usually did, but he came back and held me and told me he isn’t talking to her and why would he jeopardize what we’re trying to build and why would he wanna go back to where we were when he knows how much it hurts me?? Funny thing, I thought to myself, wow satan really does attack but God is good, and we never or rather he didn’t go to bed when we’re angry at one another.
We talked and I honestly told him that I don’t know what the truth is. You know with all my prayers and your prayers for my husband, he’s really changed and he’s working so hard to make things work. When he went to bed he said that this is horrible coz we’ve taken steps back and he’s angry at himself coz if he had never taken her out, none of this would have happened.
Do I think they talk? I don’t know, but is it possible, YES.
I wish I knew what to do. Pray for me and for my husband and for God to show me the truth. I know I shouldn’t have called her but I was pissed. I need you all and your advice. I love you all. Sue, how did your date go? Lynne gal, how you and your husband doing???
(USA) Hi Anne, I’m sorry for your hurt lately. It’s one of those downs in the ups and downs of recovery, healing and reconciliation.
My thoughts as I read what you wrote are the following:
Regarding your prayer – are you setting aside time to read as well? Prayer is good and necessary, of course, but it doesn’t make up for a lack of study in the Word as well as meeting with believers when possible. You’ll get more peace and more spiritual control (and control to conquer Satan) with regular study in the Word. Otherwise, you’ll get hit with days like what you describe and then instead of getting peace from your spiritual side (the Holy Spirit in you), you’ll go with the emotions (like leaving nasty messages on someone’s phone). So my suggestion is to buff up your prayer life with more studying (and fasting if necessary) and meeting with other believers.
The other thing I wanted to share with you is regarding the other woman telling you that you are forcing her husband to stop "being friends" with her. I think someone has mentioned in the past that this is an inappropriate friendship. I believe there are enough women here who would also agree with that. Of course you are trying to stop the friendship. You are trying to break down the sinful nature of her attachment to your husband (whom God did not give to her, but you) and protect your marriage.
I Cor. 13 says true love protects.
Anne – are you really going to let her get to you? I’m not saying that to put you down, I’m saying it to inject my objectivity into your viewpoint. You know there is NOTHING wrong with you disagreeing with their friendship. In your heart, you know there is nothing wrong with that. How you go about enforcing it needs to be tempered with a Godly way, but wanting it to end (in and of itself) is not bad. Don’t buy into her guilt tripping you that you are a bad person for doing that. What you are is a Godly person for doing that.
She does not understand that but it doesn’t make her right. Nor does it make it your job to explain it to her beyond saying, it is my belief in God that tells me to want the friendship to end. If you feel like explaining it further, you may if you speak to her again, but my experience is that when someone (especially an ungodly person, doesn’t have ears to hear, it doesn’t do any good to try and explain your beliefs in detail because they don’t understand, don’t want to hear it and won’t believe you).
But you do what you know is right.
Does your husband want to end this conversations and friendship? If he says that he’s not talking to her, at this point, I’d say let it be. If he’s lying, he’s lying not just to you but in front of God as well. You might want to take him at his word, back off of it a bit and see what happens with that approach for a while. I think it’s great that he tried to console you – that’s really sweet!
Anyway – those were my thoughts on what you wrote. If anything I say conflicts with what you feel the Holy Spirit is telling you then you need to go with your heart, but if you feel like you are confused and aren’t hearing much right now (from the Spirit) then you can take what I’ve said into consideration as part of an answer. With love, LT
(USA) Anne, Honey I love you very much and I am so sorry to hear about the awful trick satan is playing with your marriage. I will definitely be praying for you, you know it girl.
Anne as I was reading your comments, I got this feeling in my heart that I wanted to share with you. I don’t know your hubby at all but something in my heart is telling me that maybe you should listen to him. He seems to being trying so hard and was genuinely mad at himself for taking steps backward. Something just tells me that he is telling the truth. I don’t even know why but that’s just what came over me. Keep praying about it and keep praying for the other girl too. She must be very lonely if she keeps trying to call your husband.
Dear Lord, Please be with Anne and comfort her through this healing and the devils attempts at destroying what is being re-built. Lord I pray protection for Anne’s husband as well that he may not fall to temptation and abstain from any kind of relationship with this woman. Lord I pray for this woman too. I pray that she can know you and feel you in her heart. I pray that she is no longer lonely and filled up by you. Lord, I ask that you change her heart for you and allow her to walk with you and in the light instead of darkness. I ask all of this in your sweet name Jesus Christ, Amen!
Anne I love you girl and may every blessing be yours. Also might I suggest that you ask your husband to have his telephone number changed? That my help with all of these struggles. I love ya girl. Love, Lynne
(CANADA) Hey LT and Lynne, I can’t thank you enough for those encouraging words. LT I do pray and read books and the Bible. I have no intention of calling her again and like you said, I do want that friendship to end. And of course to her, it all seems like it’s ok coz they ain’t doing anything. Anyway, I prayed last night and I asked God to forgive me and I forgave them again before God.
Lynne, I hope you’re feeling is right but I also thought to myself, what if he’s being honest? Then again I wonder why would she lie about that on purpose so that’s where I get all mixed up. That’s where I decided it’s time for me to really let this go and let God handle it which I always say I’m letting go. Then when when my suspicion gets the better part of me it bugs me.
This morning, coz we were both going to work, my husband told me to just let it all go and focus on where we’re headed in our life and marriage. He also told me that if she calls he won’t pick up. I really thought the same thing Lynne, my husband has really changed everything. I honestly can’t believe it. Everything that I used to wish for (and unfortunately never prayed for) I have. Ever since I started praying for changes in me and my husband, I see them. He’s more mature, he’s starting to prioritize things all these qualities that just weren’t there and he is really working hard at changing things. That’s why I asked myself, is he lying or not?
LT, like you said, if he’s lying he’s doing it before God too and God knows the truth and that’s all that matters to me. I’ll continue praying for my marriage and for her too. Thank you all. I know that all I need is God’s truth. I love you gals so much. God is truly amazing to have brought us all together (thank you Cindy and Steve). I actually feel better today.
LT, I how are things going with you? You’re all in my prayers. Lynne how’s your hubby?
(RSA) Morning all, I trust you all had a very good weekend? And that things are looking better for you Lynne.
Thanks so much Anne, for remembering about our date. But it did not happen, cos as my hubby was on his way home from buying milk, he saw his boss who invited himself to our house for dinner. My hubby phoned to ask it if was ok, and I just said it was ok. What else could I do? I was so disappointed and hurt and felt like killing my hubby. When he got home, he said sorry he would phone his boss and tell him not to come. I told him he couldn’t do that – it wouldn’t be right! I told him quickly how I felt and again he said he would phone the boss. Again I told him it’s fine.
The evening was ok I guess, but inside I just kept asking why Lord why? You know 2 weeks previously I had also organized a date with him, and he had to cancel as he was working – so it was just a double blow to me. I felt like he didn’t want to spend time alone with me any more. I asked God to fill me with HIS peace, and HE has, but at the same time, I am a little withdrawn. I am hurting inside, even as I am writing this I’ve got tears in my eyes.
I prayed about the date, before I invited him and felt sure that it was GOD’s will. Then why did it not happen? You know if I don’t organize romantic / quiet time together, then we hardly get time alone – with the kids, friends and work. I know my hubby loves me a lot, that I do know, but it hurts that he doesn’t show his love as he did earlier in our marriage. (We’ve been married for 4.5 years) he’s my best friend and visa versa.
I’ve been praying a lot these last few months for our marriage and that GOD will transform it into HIS marriage, and for both my hubby and myself too. I truly believe that HE has HIS hand in our relationship and is working in BOTH our hearts, souls and minds.
Anne, my heart goes out to you, cos I know what you are going through, but LET GOD DEAL WITH IT. The more YOU try to do something, the more you are in GOD’S way of doing something. LET GO and LET GOD! Enjoy
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi everyone, I am not new to this website. I have been following your marriages with interest for a while, and I must say that I myself have been highly strengthened by your messages, support, love, encouragement and caring. God indeed is working in this place! I pray for all your marriages, that you might find peace and harmony in your homes. Most of these things you are experiencing sound to me like spirits that are binding you and your husbands, and we need to remember daily to curse these spirits and unbind these bondage’s that tie us down.
Someone mentioned some months back that these battles are battles of the spirit, and yet the end result is that we fight them in the flesh, man to woman, woman to man, and the devil sits there with a victorious grin on his face. I have not been through all the messages, but I am pleased to know that through the ones I have read, no marriages have ended yet.
Anne, I really sympathize with you in your situation, and I pray that God restores your marriage to the blessed union it was ordained to be. I remember something a pastor once said: even Adam and Eve had marital problems, and if you think yours are big, try dealing with the knowledge that one of your sons killed the other because of a sacrifice! That kinda made me realise that since the sin in the garden of Eden, marriages are bound to face difficulties, but not because God doesn’t love us, but because of sin.
That woman is not trying to take your husband away, because I can almost guarantee that if (God forbid) your marriage ended, she would not want your husband anymore. What she is trying to do is ruin the harmony that is yours, break up the unity and sanctity of marriage and just cause disharmony in your home. So far, she has succeeded in getting you angry and as a result, you end up getting upset at yourself for not being Christlike….face it, it’s hard to be Christian when faced with such raw emotion!
The thing to do, my dear friend, is just like LT and all the other ladies on this forum have been saying. Pray! Rebuke that spirit of disharmony that is threatening your home! Rebuke the curses that are binding you now, and give the battle back to the Lord! The battle is the Lords, not ours. He fought that battle on Calvary and that is why He rose and went up to heaven, so that He could plead our cases before God Almighty! Claim redemption from bondage daily, claim harmony and unity in your marriage each day, cover your marriage, your husband, your family with the blood of Jesus every day. Don’t look at the cross as a symbol of death, look at it as a symbol of life, for in giving up His life. Jesus gave us life….and please ladies, let us not forget that Jesus was resurrected!
We become so morbid about the cross that we forget that the life that was lost on there was resurrected and now awaits us in paradise. The blood of the Lamb that was shed did not die, it lives on and can protect us. Cover your marriages, homes, husbands, children, families and overall lives with that blood each and every morning like a warm blanket on a cold night.
Next time any of us are faced with a battle of sorts, may I encourage you to stand back and say "No, wait, this is the Lord’s battle so why should I fight it??" On our own, we are powerless and helpless and oh, so vulnerable, but we "can do all things through Christ who strengthens us…"
I am really encouraged by all the postings and will pray for you all, even when I don’t read updates or meet those who will join later, I will still pray for all the ladies on this forum! Even those who don’t post anything but read in silence like I sometimes do.
This coming month (August) is Women’s Month in South Africa. Let us all celebrate our womanhood. God made Eve beautiful and flawless, and sin came in and stole that away from us. Our hearts, minds and bodies are subjected to such abuse daily from all areas of life, and yet, here we are, praying about marriages and supporting and encouraging one another. That tells me that even though sin may have stolen something away from us, we are still strong and beautiful both inside and outside. And even as God made Adam and Eve as one, so we are as one with the men God appoints us to marry. Don’t give up ladies, keep strong and keep the faith. And remember, as Stormie Omartian says, NEVER pray for God to change your husband, rather pray for God to work in him and through him.
Timothy, Peter, Titus, Romans….all these books in the Bible have counsel for us as women, so lift up your heads and proudly declare the might of the God we serve. Our God is an AWESOME God indeed, and if He could, through a few words, create a universe so large that humans don’t even know how large it really is, what are our problems to Him? This is the same God who on the one hand has to deal with our problems, and then turns to the heavens because one star collided with another….then He looks back on earth and sees valleys that need clothing, sparrows that need feeding. If He carried the weight of the world on His shoulders, I know, my sisters, that He can carry you….
(USA) Ladies Good morning, Anne you have of course been in my prayers. I really hope that things are going better, matter of fact I know that they are. As Genevieve said this is the Lord’s fight not yours. I love you girl and things are going well with my hubby. Thank you so much for asking. We still have general disagreements (as does anyone) but the Lord always has his hands on us.
Sue, Honey I love ya too girl. I am so sorry that your date night hasn’t worked out to date. Remember though that God does things in His time not yours. Maybe He hasn’t allowed the time yet because you’re not ready or your hubby may not be ready. Just keep praying about it and keep your trust in HIM. Things will turn out, you just have to be patient. (I know it’s hard) You might try taking a pre-planned weekend retreat instead of just a date to start with. Plan in out go to like a bed and breakfast somewhere and make a big deal about it the whole time. How excited you are etc. That would be harder to cancel right? Just a suggestion… Love ya
Genevieve, WOW what you said is great thanks!
Love ya Danna
(CANADA) Morning ladies hope you’re all doing well. Genevieve thanks a lot for that beautiful testimony. Like Lynne said, WOW. Thanks a lot for the advice that all of you gave me. It’s hard though when you don’t know the truth and chances are that I’ll never know. I know that this is where I only trust God coz He knows whether they talk or not and I’ll have to move aside for Him to deal with the situation. I’m praying about it and every time I do I can’t seem to stop crying.
Lynne and Sue, thanks a lot too. We actually had a nice weekend and I never at one time thought about it but now I can see that the devil wants to change all that coz my thoughts are starting to question what’s going on. But I’m doing my best to fight it. Just pray for me please coz now I need to forgive. I guess that’s the faces of forgiveness and pray for my husband too.
Sue, sorry you’re date didn’t happen. It’s understandable that you’d get upset but remember what Lynne said if you’re praying for it it will happen in God’s time. I went through the same thing with my husband. When we were just starting to work on things we always used to set a day for us to talk and we never did. Something always came up. It got to a point where I just gave up then. Now we talk about things as they come up and we deal with them then.
I did say what I needed to say to him from the beginning. I’m glad we never talked then coz he was not ready to hear what I had to say to him. And now we’re both patient with one another, knowing that we’ll always have problems arising but it’s how we deal with them that matters. God knew that to talk then wasn’t good. And He knows the reason why the date didn’t happen. Just trust Him gal, and your date will happen.
Lynne, thank you so much for your support I love you gal. You’re all always in my prayers. Have a good day all. Love, Anne
(RSA) Hi all – thanks both Anne & Lynne, I needed the words of encouragement. At the moment I am feeling down and out. (He’s still texting and phoning other women) – and I feel I have to beg for it. I know that it is the enemies lies that my hubby is listening too.
This morning in my quiet time, I got 2 scriptures that said "miracles still happen … if we believe in HIM …. He keeps HIS promises" something along those lines. And it made me think, cos I couldn’t sleep last night. I knew I had to get up earlier than usual in order to spend more time with the LORD! Is that why I got the same scriptures – GOD is trying to tell me something here?
My spiritual life is growing in leaps and bounds, and I know GOD knows that we need & want that human love too, because that is the way HE created us. And I hope that HE will change my marriage into something that HE wants & can be glorified by it. It is difficult for me to wait patiently for HIS will to happen. The enemy knows where I am the weakest & where my hubby is the weakest, and at the moment he is using it to his advantage. But by the power given to me through the Holy Spirit I demand the enemy to leave us alone, I push him away in Jesus name! This marriage belongs to GOD, and therefore the enemy has no space in it. AMEN!
Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement. May God bless you richly.