I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(CANADA) Hi Sue i’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I know how someone feels when you realise that the communication is still going on. I’ll just tell you to do the same thing that you told me to do just step aside and let God deal with it. It’s hard to be in such a situation but i’m glad that you’re getting closer to God. I just prayed about the whole issue that happened on friday and i asked God to speak to me and i just opened the bible and it opened to Isaiah 58:9,11 and it just shows that God will always be there to help us. I pray that you’ll always be able to forgive your husband and this other woman. Pray for it and perseverance coz we all need it. Hope all works out; i prayed for your husband in the morning. We’re all here for each other gal. Take care and God bless love anne.
(RSA) Thanks Anne. Please pray for us – its my birthday today and last night things went from bad to worse – in a blink of an eye. PLEASE pray for us over the weekend.
(USA) Hey Ladies, Good morning. I hope that everyone is doing well. Sue how did your weekend go? I haven’t been able to write for a while but I really did pray for your marriage and I trust GOD is working. Anne, I really hope things are better for you and I am sure that they are. I love all of you ladies and thanks for all the prayers for me. Don’t stop they are working!!!! God is good every day. Love ya. Love, Lynne
(CANADA) Hi ladies. Lynne, thanks a lot for asking how we’re doing. My husband and I are doing great. I honestly can’t complain even after what happened the last time, that didn’t come between us. I still have days when the devil attacks me and I have horrible thoughts and I just think to myself not again.. I learned though through the whole process that God wants me to trust Him when it comes to this situation and to get out of the way.
I have some days when I wonder if they still talk. But I realised only God knows the truth and that’s enough. I pray daily and tell God that I forgive this other woman because it’s the right thing to do. God has really been faithful because I’m getting along with my husband. Just pray for me so the the enemy may flee from me. Other than that we’re ok.
I’m also glad that your doing great Lynne. Isn’t it amazing what God can do? Sometimes I go back and read my journal and see the pain that I’ve gone through and how much I prayed and cried and now I can clearly see such a huge change in my husband and myself and I know it would never have happened if it wasn’t for prayer.
Now I always ask God to help my husband and me in other challenges that we shall face, that we shall go through them the three of us, and for Him to protect us from what the devil may want to destroy. I have faith in God in everything.
Sue, how you doing? It’s been a while since you last wrote. How did your birthday go?? You’re in my prayers. OK ladies, God bless you all. Love, Anne
(CANADA) Hey ladies, hope you all had a good day. I have a prayer request, I have a job interview on Thursday. Can you please pray for me? I need another job for the next few months. It’s a brain injury Adult facility and I know it’s going to be challenging and I need God’s help on this one. Thanks a lot. Love you all. Anne
(USA) Hey Anne, Thank you so much for your post and I’ll keep you in my prayers that you get this job. I also have a prayer request. Please pray for my husband. He’s fallen back into the lies of the world again. I am trying really hard not to be mad at him because I know that it’s not him; it’s the devil. Today we argued over text messages (a new all time low.)
These past few weeks he’s been slipping so far away from God. I think it’s because I am getting closer to HIM and the devil can’t get to me so he’s after my husband. My husband has started using recreational substances again and stopped going to church. He won’t talk to me; he’s completely shut down communication. I tried to talk with him last night but he just started yelling at me and ended the conversation. He’s almost completely reverted back to his old ways and I know that I haven’t helped.
Things were going so well that I forgot to (continuously) pray for him. I also haven’t been very nice to him at times either, but I feel so neglected and used at the same time. Today in out Text message fight I asked him why he stayed with me if he didn’t care for me and why he’d let it linger. He responded by saying that he only stays because of our son. I was so upset.
I responded by saying that our son was going to grow up and leave one day and then what was going to happen, I told him that he need to be a husband FIRST but he didn’t care about me.
He called me on my lunch break today and said that he was having a bad day and didn’t mean what he said but I can’t help but think he did. I told him that I felt like it was true because of the way he treats me. He’s so disrespectful. Its like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, only in longer spurts of time. A few weeks will go so well and it’s like I have my husband back, Then shortly after that he’ll turn into this monster and that will last until I can’t take it any more and threaten to leave. BUT I am not going to threaten to leave anymore. I am not going to say the "d" word and I am not going to play this game anymore.
Please pray for me, and for my patience. Pray that I can stay dedicated in praying for my own marriage. Please pray for my husband and for whatever he’s going through with (against) God. Pray that he can find his way back to the light and that GOD reclaims his heart. Thank you so much every one. I love you all very much. Love, Lynne
(CANADA) Lynne I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Like you said all that is the devils work trying to get the two of you to separate. I don’t think your husband meant the things he said. I know, we went through the same thing with my husband when we used to be spiteful towards each other all the time. Please don’t give up hope but you seriously need to pray to God to show you which boundaries you need to set in your marriage.
Your husband taking substance abuse is not good for your marriage and especially your son. Surrender all this to God. He already knew this would happen and He wants you to rely on Him. Try to get your husband to talk to somebody. Gal I’ll pray for you hard. Keep on praying for your husband and surrender all his burdens to God and ask God how you can be there for your husband without carrying his burden. Remember that this battle is the Lords. Pray that you’ll also be able to forgive your husband only God can help you to forgive.
Read Matthew 11:28-30, 1 Peter 5:6-11, and Psalms 121. There’s so much comfort you can get from His word. God is hurting for you and your husband and He has the answers for you. James 1:2-6 this verse always helped me when I felt discouraged and I needed to persevere. You’ll be fine Lynne. Continue leaning on God and remember to surrender your husband to God. You say that you haven’t made it easy either. Confess to God what you’ve done that may not be pleasing to Him. I love you Lynne and will pray for you and your husband. Your life is in His hands.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, It is good to be back for a short while. How is everyone doing?
I am doing a temp job for three weeks, so I will be able to chat to you again. God has been very good to me and my boys for this time that I was at home, financially. My boys did not go to bed hungry once.
But I need you all to really pray for my babies. My eight year old is going to through a tough time, and I need to get a permanent job so that I can take them and move out of that unhealthy environment that we are in. I had to go see his teacher at school yesterday and she told me that he confided in her about everything.
My ex husband got married and their baby is due now in October. It is very tough on my son, because his grandmother is also very rude to me and he cannot handle any of it at all. I pray for them both all the time. Their father spoke to me about the fact that I had to meet with our sons teacher and when I explained to him what is going on he got upset. He does not want to take responsibility for the fact that this is the consequences of his actions, that it is affecting our boys badly.
I am hurting, but mostly I am hurting because my boys are hurting. The eight year old is becoming rebellious even with me and aggressive. The three year old one is becoming very aggressive. I am tired all the time and I need rest, I am stressed out. Their father is still not working and is living off his 21 year old wife’s parents. Her parents do not know that she became involved with a married man with two children and she broke up a marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I know it takes two people to do something like this, but I am just praying that her parents finds out about it.
I pray and ask God each and everyday to help me to forgive the two of them and to deliver me from this bitterness and anger, But I am so tired of this whole situation now and I ask God to help me look past them and see the beauty of everything that has happened, but at the moment I can’t see any beauty.
You all should know that when I am at home I have to endure them everyday. I see the two of them bathing together and his mother was telling me about their sexual escapades. It hurts. Please, please pray for me and my boys because it seems like this situation is just getting worse and not better.
Love you all and God bless, Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) I feel defeated, my husband is an alcoholic who leaves me to go out and drink sometime coming at 3am. When he does this, life continues as normal, i’m not supposed to ask where he was and why he comes home so late. I have been praying that God would remove the scales in his eyes and that he accepts Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and saviour.
He spends all his money on booze and i’m expected to carry the expenses of the house. I do not make a lot and it hurts that he won’t see that alcohol is destoying his life. I am expecting our first child in December and the pain has become unbearable. I pray everyday to God that he helps me love him more in this unloving marriage. I can’t go a day without praying but i’m in so much pain right now i just don’t know what to do.
(UNITED STATES) It seems like marriages are just falling all to pieces. I thought I was the only one having problems. There is another woman that came into the picture and the sad part is that she knows my husband has a wife at home and doesn’t care. She attends church and I just want to know what her pastor is preaching on Sunday morning. God is for family and not for divorce. I’m standing my grounds and praying that God will intercede and my family will once again be back together. I rebuke Satan out of my marriage. He doesn’t belong here, and I chose to walk with God.
(USA) Hi Leonie, So good to hear from you and that you’ve got a job for a while.
I pray God will continue to give you discernment at what your path and actions and words should be. I know He has a purpose for you in living in such bizarre circumstances, painful as they are. It will be revealed to you at some point in the future. I’m certain of this.
I will keep you in my prayers. Please do the same for me and my family as well. God bless. :)
(USA) Ladies, Good morning to you all. I did read some of those scriptures Anne. Thank you so much. Things have drastically improved between my husband and myself. I know that it’s all because of GOD and all of your prayers too. Thank you all so much.
Leonie, it makes my heart sing to hear from you. I was very worried about you and have been praying for you but I know that you are in GOD’s hands and He will take care of you. I will be praying for your son. I pray Father, that Leonie’s little boy can find comfort in you and learn that YOU are happiness, and I pray for Leonie to be comforted and to be able to see beauty in her children’s eyes Lord and the beauty of YOUR love. AMEN!
Lerato, Father please help Lerato to be comforted by You. Help her husband to know You and to have YOUR Spirit fill his heart. Lord I pray for their unborn child and that you keep you hands on this little life You are blessing them with. May their relationship become founded on You? AMEN!
LT, I pray the Lord keep his hands on you and your Family. And on the little on growing in you AMEN! By the way how is your pregnancy going? I pray it well.
LOVE you all. Love, LYNNE
Gina, I am so sorry about your situation too. Lord, I pray that Gina’s husband can be released from lust and sin. I pray that he can be filled by Your Spirit. Father, I ask that you also fill the heart of this woman whom participates in sin with Gina’s husband. I pray that you show her and convict her of her sin and claim her heart as Your own. I also pray comfort for Gina. In the name of the LORD JESUS CHRIST, Amen!
(USA) Hi Lynne, Thanks, so much, for all your lovely prayers – I’m sure I can say that on behalf of everyone. :) What a pleasant surprise to check the page and see someone with such a kind heart to be lifting others up in prayer so graciously!
I’m well, physically. Emotionally, I’m exhausted – that’s due to my trying personal circumstances but what has been interesting is that the more I’ve persevered in the Lord, I’m finding changes in myself and they come from a way/process that I hadn’t started myself (I wouldn’t have known where or how), and yet in continuing to seek Him at every trial, trying to remain humble and not bitter, I’ve been seeing slight changes.
This is key because the changes I’d like to see in my relationship aren’t really coming and when a baby is on the way – that’s really hard. Having a baby coming is when one needs the most stability so when you lack that in your life, it’s difficult.
But I kept/keep praying daily for God to give me the strength to stand up for my convictions that I feel the Holy Spirit has led me to righteously, even though others may not agree with me or even sympathize with me, I’ve also continued to ask God to show me where I’m wrong and help me change. That’s what’s been happening and with each minor change (for the better) I"m noticing about myself, it’s helping me persevere through a still-difficult marriage.
The whole process has just been really interesting. I had to get away from my house for a few days (the tension was almost smothering me) and I did so, did a lot of reading and praying and the first couple of days were really hard and I felt numb but then about the third day I felt so filled with God’s peace and comfort as well as strength and fortitude for whatever trials await in the near future.
So – what I’d say from my own personal experiences lately is to stand by whatever truth you know God has revealed to you but also for God to guide you daily as to when/where/how/what to say to anyone you might come into contact with. Sometimes the truth God reveals to us is only for us and not for us to share. As long as you also incorporate focusing on yourself and staying positive, you’ll continue to weather the storms and persevere and you’ll make it to the other side of the storm.
Love you all and praying for all of you as well, LT
(USA) Good Morning Ladies, LT- God is Good every single day. Focus on the triumphs and not the moments where things didn’t go well. Every time your husband does something good, focus on it and hold on to it. Honey, I remember when I was preggers (not to long ago) and my husband seemed to do the same thing. He just seemed to have back-tracked all of the progress we’d previously made. It was weird. I think it’s just a guy thing, and they don’t know how to deal with the anticipation, stress, and female hormone changes. I will pray for your husband and I will also pray for your eyes to be focused. When your eyes are focused on HIM then you’ll notice and enjoy all of the good things about your husband too.
Lord, I pray that LT can have a healthy child and a happy marriage. Lord, I ask that through You alone LT’s eyes can become focused and that she too can celebrate all of her husbands victories and stay in tuned to progress and not defeat. Lord, I ask that her husband’s heart be filled by your spirit and that he becomes the man You intended him to (and LT knows that he can) be. I pray all of this in Your Sweet name AMEN!
LT, God’s got you. Love LYNNE
(SA) Hi ladies. Thank you so much for each and every story that I read. They are building and encouraging to all of us that are going through hard times. I’ve been with my man, happy together with him, until I went out to look for the job for him. I thought things were going to go smooth. And well, because both of us will be working he turned to be someone who doesn’t care anymore. He wants to leave me to have another life somewhere, and I can’t afford to lose the man that I started life with, into the hands of another woman. I truly love him dearly. I really don’t know what got into him. But I forgive him though, even through the pains that he is causing me and I ask God to hold us together and give us the permanent peace and love, like we had before. I truly trust God as He Has never failed me before.
I pray for the other ladies my God, for their happiness and for the love they hoped to have. I know Jesus, you promised life but you never promised it to be so much simple. That is why we have You Holy Spirit, to guide us to the promise land. God you are our only help and our strength of pillar Lord. Without You there is no hope for the future. But with You, we trust and believe in You to defeat the spirit of separation and misunderstanding, of fights, and of cheating husbands. Give us strength to overcome our trials and Lord, to be what you want us to be. In Jesus Christ’s Name with God, we are winners not losers. Thank You for Your Grace. It will carry us through. AMEN TO GOD.