I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, It always brings me to tears when I read your messages, thank you very much. I was told yesterday that they are thinking of offering me a permanent job here where I am as a shipping clerk, it will be my foot into the shipping field.
I found out that my ex husband has been sleeping with one of our mutual friends for a couple of years and she is married, she just had a baby recently. Is it wrong of me to feel hurt because all of this happened while we were still married? We are only divorce for 3 months now.
He is upset with me, very upset because I told him that I found out about the two of them. He swore at me and told me that he is not interested in me. I am really not interested in ever taking him back into my life because I now know that God never intended us to be together. Our marriage might be over but I can tell you one thing, I thank God for my boys everyday just like I thank Him for my daughter. They are the only good blessings except now for Jesus Christ that came from my marriage.
I pray that I get this permanent job here so that I can be financially stable to move out there. I am really very, very tired of this whole situation that my boys and I have to face everyday.
Keep well and keep on praying for my kids and me. Love, Leonie
(USA) Leonie, How are things going? Did you get the Permanent job? I pray that you did. How are your boys doing? I pray that they are well also.
Bells, You have it right; just trust the Lord and all that He is. He will never fail you and always carries you. I pray that your husband can find the Lord and that He fills your husband’s heart. I pray that this other female can also be filled up by the Lord and that she too can be convicted and convinced of change. AMEN!
I am doing much better these days and it’s because of the Grace of God. He is working in my husband and changing him. I can testify that if you truly desire it and pray with all your heart the Lord will make changes. The change may not always come in the form you expected and sometimes you change more than you thought that you needed to but you come to understand that it’s of the Lord and it is good.
I am focusing now on the triumphs God gives me everyday with my husband and not the defeats that the devil tries to use against me. Please pray for me that I can continue focusing and on those victories no matter how small or what motivated them? That way I can keep my heart protected from defeat and my eyes on the Lord. Thank you all very much.
Anne, How are you doing? I miss you too girl and I hope all is well.
LT, Are you doing alright? Feeling ok? I pray that you are too. Love, Lynne
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Ladies, I pray that you are all very well. No I did not get the permanent job yet and am still living where I am living. I felt very despondent yesterday, but you guys know God speaks to me through anybody and anything. I still don’t feel so good, because I am work a temp job at the moment which is not a lot of money but it helps with buying food for the boys. I can’t do anything else much and the bills are mounting.
But my comfort is that God is carrying me through this. The company that I am temping at is also looking for cheap labor. They want to keep me on longer but at very little money. I pray that God will change their hearts.
I am tired of all of this now, it is just one attack after the other. There was a huge fight last weekend between my ex husband and his brother and I mean physical. My boys saw this. I tried to shelter them from it, but could not. There is so much tension in the atmosphere now and I am praying that God changes it. My former mother in law blames me for the fight, but I was not even involved in any of this. I don’t even really know what happened.
Well, in any case his wife is giving birth in October and they are planning on leaving the country in January to live in Australia. He says that they will be back. I feel so sorry for my children. It’s so very very sad for them especially my three year old son who does not really understand what is going on. Their father spends an hour with them every night and when he leaves the baby cries for him. Every night and it hurts me. Don’t get me wrong, I would never reconcile with him, too much has happened but I am hurting for my kids. But it is time for me to let go. I know that because I am tired of feeling the way I do.
I found out recently that he was having an affair with one of our friends for about five years and she is also married. She just gave birth to her second child. Her husband does not know about anything and I won’t say anything because I am not standing in God’s way any longer. God needs to deal with them. It is like I told my friend this morning, yes, me and my kids were hurt and are still hurting, but he must remember whatever they did was not to me and my kids, it was to God. And if he does not repent and ask for forgiveness then I feel very sorry for him.
A little inspiration for the day: from Bill and Marsha Burns. The Trumpet by Bill Burns — September 1, 2008: Raise the standard, My people, for such is the time that I have prepared for you. Come boldly before the throne and redefine who you are. Come, and examine yourself with faith, with hope and with joy, and surely I shall bring you forth. For this reason I came to the world — to defeat the enemy who is set against you and bring you victory. Join with Me in this time. Raise the standard of your faith. Raise those things that I have brought you by way of revelation, and cause them to be a complete chapter in your book of destiny. Come boldly, I say, for indeed I am raising the standard in these days, and I shall come to you in stronger ways than ever before and with great purpose. I will reveal Myself more perfectly with stronger impressions of My being. Come and dwell in the standard of My peace. Be one with Me, for I am the Lord of glory, and in this place I will bring you through into the glory of My purposes, says the Lord.
This is a word of knowledge — I believe that this present challenge that some of you are going through is for the purpose of removing your need for honor among men. You cannot be a man-pleaser. You can’t worry about your reputation. You have to come to grips with your stature, pride and feelings. The Cross was a place of shame for Jesus Christ, but also a place of victory, and it is not who we are, but who He is in us that’s important. We must decrease so that He can increase in us.
Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — September 1, 2008: Beloved, you must exercise your will to push through your circumstances and gain the victory. You cannot move through this time of challenges and tests as long as you allow self-pity and fear to paralyze you. Recognize that this is an attack from the devil to keep you from enjoying My provision and blessings. Shake yourself awake and rise up in faith to believe My word and will for all of My people, and let that be your foundation for success, says the Lord. 3 John 1:2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.
Love you all, Leonie
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi girls, Check out the video Unfailing Love on you tube. It is really very awesome. Love, Leonie
(KENYA) Hi ladies, It is so comforting to know that am not alone in the issues am going through. I have been married for 8 yrs and to tell you the truth I have never known so much sadness in my life for the last 4 years. We have been separated twice due to my mother in law coming between us as she knows my hubby will do anything she says. She’s even told him he can live like Paul of the Bible.
We have two kids, my husband cheated on me with the house help when I was expecting our second child who is now 9 months and ever since our relationship has deteriorated everyday. He is withdrawn from me. Though he promises nothing is going on out there, I really can’t believe him.
We are both born again but he has a weakness with women and it’s not the first time he has cheated on me. He sings in the church choir and feels nothing when we are going through difficulties. I feel guilty like am the one to blame yet it is him. We have not spoken for the last 2 weeks now, reason being I was unwell and did not feel like making love. He withdrew from me from that day. I apologized to him but he did not accept the apology and even at that time he hurt me so bad by leaving the baby and I out at his mother’s gate for approximately 1 hr and a half while he chatted with his mother (we don’t talk with my mum in law as she’s been abusive to me severally so I chose to stay away completely).
I am at wits end now as what I have taken on over the years from the mum who is too much while he stands by and watches and does not utter a single word. The big brother has spoken to him about this but it’s like he agrees with the brother at that moment then as soon as the brother leaves he’s back again to his old habits.
I do not know what to do anymore. I am just quiet and am preparing myself for prayer and fasting specifically for him. I am totally down, but after reading all your mails, I am encouraged and will start working on my marriage.
I kindly request your prayers as sincerely I feel I no longer trust him. I feel nothing, as I am thinking if he really loved me then he would not be doing what he is doing.
God bless and may he watch over you all. Lots of Love, Royal
(USA) I came across this link at the very bottom of a completely unrelated article I was reading but it seemed so appropriate for the 2 comment threads I read most on this website. I’m posting it here and on one other thread.
I pray you will find it very insightful! I found it full of wisdom. Enjoy :)
http://www.new-life.net/marrag03.htm
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Everyone, LT thank you very much for that link. I went on there and read about divorce. I know what they are saying is the truth. My parents never divorced but they have been separated since I was five years old and only when I became an adult and had my first two children did I allow God to heal me from it. The Holy Spirit took over when I spoke to my dad and I could tell him with all love how he deeply hurt me. It healed our relationship completely.
I can understand what my kids are going through. I hurt for them because I cannot heal them. They must allow the spirit of God to overtake that hurt and heal them. But ladies I have very good news, I can see the work of God is evident is in my boys. They are worshiping and praising. I bought them the kids Hillsongs CDs, Superhero, and Tell the World and they are enjoying them.
I may be going through my own little hurts from this, but God is working in my kids. He is very faithful. I love Him. Thank you ladies. Love always, Leonie
(USA) Royal, You are not alone and thank you so much for sharing. Marriage is one of the Lord greatest blessings and the devil, well, he attacks marriages really hard. First I pray protection upon you and your marriage against the devil, in Jesus name Amen!
Secondly I really suggest you pick up a copy of Stormie Omartian’s book, “Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage.” There is a great chapter in there about when you or your spouse starts mixing up priorities. I just read it last night after a long day of frustration with my husband. It’s so helpful. See, when God is your top priority (as he should be) then all of the rest falls into place, and your spouse automatically takes second position to only God. I pray that God is the first priority in yours and your husband’s life, in Jesus name, AMEN!
It’s crazy how slick that devil is, he creates marital strife and then uses the frustration caused by the fighting to distract us from God. Yeah he’s slick, but it doesn’t matter how slick he is because he is no match for GOD. The devil’s most powerful point still crumbles at the mention of God’s name. The devil is weak and don’t let him distract you. I know he was distracting me for a while.
Royal, You can’t change your husband or save your marriage, but God can. Keep doing what you’re doing by praying and talking with God, and reading His Word. However, you need to stop being worried, and frustrated about what your husband may or may not be doing. God will take care of you and him. You need to just give that over to the Lord and let it go. God is good and He will give you rest.
There is also a really good section on this site about sexual issue within a marriage. I suggest you check that out. It’s very good information and it really help me a lot.
Dear Lord, Please Help Royal and her husband to keep you their top priority and to stay focused on You. Please protect them from the devil and comfort them? Please comfort Royal’s doubts and pain, and give her Your peace? AMEN!
Love ya Royal. Love, Lynne
(ZAMBIA) I am posting this today because I am so confused and hurting. Last night my child minder gave me a resignation letter and told me she had been having sex with my husband, and that was the reason for her quitting the job. She confessed they have had sex 3 times and the last time being 2 weeks ago.
My sisters, I am hurting, I tried to pray and I don’t remember the words that were coming out of my mouth. My husband admitted to having sex with her without protection because (he says) he wanted her to fall pregnant because I haven’t been able to conceive in the last 7 years we have been together. The child I have was from a previous relationship.
Honestly, what can I do? I can not stay with him. I have read most of the posts and I feel I can’t find it in my heart to forgive him. I am moving out so that he marries someone who will give him children. God gave me a child once, he would definitely give me another at his own time. He cried, apologizing and all, but I think that is just not enough. He has hurt me badly. I loved him. I trusted him and this is what I get in return.
I have labored to make my marriage work, I have been going to church and he is not a believer. Only last night did he say he would even start going to church with me if I don’t leave him. I am hurting, I cant go on……
(KENYA) Hi Lynne, Thanks so much for your mail. It touched me so much and am so happy to have shared all am going through.
I have just checked out the website and it is so inspiring and true – am glad I visited this page too. God bless you all and will keep you updated on what is happening. Thanks and God bless!
(USA) Mary, You can go on! God has got you in his hands and he is in control of your life as long as you let him. Please read Romans 5:3-5. I know you feel completely defeated right now but that is what the devil wants you to feel not God. Read Romans 8:31-39 or Psalm 42:6-11. Do not feel defeated or hopeless. God is able! He is able to any and Everything.
I am so sorry to hear about your pain, and about what your husband has done. Have either of you considered marriage counseling? I strongly recommend it at this point. I suggest that you contact your pastor or church leader right way. God hates divorce Mary, and I know you’re hurting but bring that hurt to God, as in Psalm 42:6-11. God is the only person you should take this out on.
I can’t say I understand your pain because I do not and not anyone alive can because they are not you. But I pray that you do not allow the devil to use that against you.
Lord, Please be with Mary and her family at this time. Please give her peace and help her to make the right choice according to Your will for her life. Lord, I ask that you fill up her husband’s heart with Your spirit and convict it to change. I ask all of this in Jesus Name Amen!
Love ya. Love, LYNNE
(ZAMBIA) Lynne, thank you for your post. You will not believe how comforted I was when I read it. Since finding out about his infidelity, my husband cannot eat and he is looking pale now. He keeps telling me it is the first time since we got married, but how do I believe him? It is true nobody can understand what I am feeling right now.
I am the one working, and he is usually at home as he has no job at the moment. Do you think this is the reason he started having ideas about my maid? I am trying to pull myself together. I am now going to read the Bible verses you have given me. Hugs!!!
(CANADA) Hey all it’s been a while since I last wrote but I haven’t missed reading the comments everyday. Lynne, thanks a bunch for asking how I am doing. Royal and Mary, sorry for what you’re both going through. Your situations are so similar and it’s really sad what happens in our own homes. Just remember that nothing is impossible with God.
I’ve been going through a lot of emotional turmoil after the last time I wrote. I’ve been succumbing to the enemy’s plans where I’ve been having really negative thoughts. After the last time we had a confrontation with my husband about the other woman, which was close to 3 months ago. I’ve really been having a hard time trusting my husband and it’s like everyday I wonder if I’ll ever be able to trust him again. At times I get angry at all this. I know how much I need to forgive again. Forgiveness has phases and now I’m in a new phase.
I’ve read all about surviving infidelity and forgiveness. What the unforgiveness has done is that I don’t feel close to God. I pray, but I don’t feel that closeness and I fear that so much because I know it’s all because of my sin.
I fear for my marriage because I’m unable to pray for my husband and when I look at him I see how much I’m taking away from him coz I know what my prayers for him did. I also know all the blessings from God that I’m blocking. The thing is, I try to let it all go to God but those thoughts still come to me. I feel guilt and shame and sad because I know how sad God is and I also know that the enemy is feeding on this and that makes me mad.
Please pray for me to completely forgive and to have that freedom that comes from forgiveness. Even when I hear anything to do with infidelity I get angry and all that has happened comes back. I hate that. I don’t want things to go back to the way they used to be when my husband and I didn’t get along but I feel so low most of the time and my husband has noticed. Pray for me to change and for God to work in me and my husband and my marriage too.
I want to get closer to God because I have days when I’m filled with so much shame and guilt that I can’t pray because I feel like I don’t deserve anything from God because of the way I’m disappointing Him. That’s the reason I haven’t written in a while because I felt I couldn’t advise anybody when my heart wasn’t clean. I missed you all and i need your support. Thanks a lot ladies. I love you a lot. May God bless you all.
(SA) Hi Ladies, Please pray for me, I feel very down today. My ex husband’s mother is very rude with me and giving me a hard time, still praying for a permanent job and deliverance from the place I am living. God gave me Isaiah 60 vs 20 and I am going to stand on His promise. Love, Leonie
(USA) Anne, I really suggest that you read Matt 18:23-35. It’s the story of the unforgiving servant and it will teach you a lot about forgiveness. I think that is all the advice I should give you right now. Let me know how you feel after you read it. Love ya.
Mary, Don’t worry about what he may or may not be doing at home while your not there. You need to give this pain, worry, and hurt over to the Lord. Once you give it to Him there are no more worries. Also if your husband is home all day and not working why on earth do you need a maid or child care provider? If he’s not working then he should be taking care of these things.
It’s going to be a long road to recovery for your marriage. I can’t answer your questions about how to trust or believe your husband again. The only way to do any of that is through God. Only He can restore trust and belief in your marriage again. And if you ask Him, the really great things is He will do it. I’ll be praying for you girl.
And Anne, you know I’ll be praying for you. I’ll watch for your post after you read the unforgiving servant. Love ya. Love, LYNNE
PS Please pray for my marriage as of 3 Pm today there is a major struggle going on right now that I cannot yet share. Please pray for my marriage.