I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi all you Godly Woman! This is my first visit to this site and I can truely just say WOW!, aint our God good? He knows what we need ,when to give it to us and uses different ways to get it to us. I really needed all these encouraging and wise messages from all of you. Thanks. I told my friends the other day that we don’t go through what we’re going through just for ourselves but for others as well. We all need to know that somewhere in this world someone went through the same trials and made it by the grace of God. When I read some of the testimonies, it was as if I was reading my own story: same struggles, trials, difficulties… BUT most importantly, the same God that comes through for us! Be blessed.
(USA) I must say I’ve been truly inspired by all the support from each and every one of you and from this I have FAITH. OK, here’s my story I’m not married but have been in a relationship for over 20 yrs, three beautiful kids and everything was wonderful until five years ago. My better half started cheating on me during my third pregnancy, nevertheless, I have not been the same. This is a roller coaster ride for me. I sit here confused, so confused I’ve asked him to leave so I can be the happy go lucky person I was.
I’m sorry if this doesn’t seem altogether but I’ve been praying to God to give me peace, I’ve prayed for him and at times I’ve given up because I don’t see anything happening.
I feel like I’m the only one who is fighting, fighting for my life, family and of all SANITY. I am so WEAK from all this. How can women be so cruel to each other? A friend of mine said I have to look at myself, ask GOD to change me, tell him what I want, and most of all to be honest.
I ask you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks
(USA) Good morning Ladies, Anne and LT thank you so much for what you’ve written to me. It’s not that I haven’t read the posts, I have just been a little lost. Anne you are right, I am underestimating God just as you were and I need to stop. I am reading power of the praying wife right now and so I might not be writing for a while because I will be focused on that. I will continue to pray for all my girls on here including the newest ones.
LILOR, Our experiences are not the same but our problems are very similar. I am lost like you are. I know the devil is really attacking me hard right now too as he must be doing to you to. Please don’t give up hope. I have to tell myself that every day recently, but it helps. God can do all things and He can even change us in the process. I love ya girl, keep your head up.
Love, LYNNE
(USA) Good Morning Ladies, Thank you all so much for your prayers. Situations in my marriage have improved so much and I know it’s because God is working in our hearts. I also know it’s because of all of the wonderful prayers of our friends, family and of course my girls here from the Mission site. I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am. This site has been such a blessing in my life, and though I may not really know you ladies, I consider you all to be dear friends. I pray that all of you have peace and blessings in your marriages.
Lord, Please continue to bless my girls from the mission. Give them peace during their struggles and hope for the future. I pray that we all continue to look to You in our lives and keep focused on Your love. Thank you so much Lord for blessing me with such people in my life and Please continue to use all of us for Your will? Glory is only to You Lord, and we know You are the reason. In Jesus sweet name, AMEN.
Love ya Ladies. Love, Lynne
PS. How is everyone doing? LT did you have your baby? I pray for a healthy delivery. Anne, is everything continuing to go well with you? How was the romantic getaway? Did you have a wonderful time? Leonie, Did you find another living arrangement? I know that God will provide for you and I pray blessing for you and your boys. Charlene, LiLor, Sue, and everyone else, I pray that you all are doing well too. Trust God Ladies. He does stand up for us and our marriages. Love ya.
(USA) Hi Lynne and everyone, Nope – no baby yet although it’s definitely dropped and my back hurts! LOL I feel like I"m carrying a bowling ball. I’ll drop a line afterward – I’m doing a home birth but things should be fine. I come from a home birth family so it’s normal to me. It will probably be in a couple of weeks or so!! In the meantime, hope you all are well! With love, LT
(CANADA) Hi Lynne I’m glad things are going well and improving. I’ve been praying for you everyday and for your husband too. Things are going great for us. Even on Tuesday my husband and I were going for a drive and out of the blue he asked me if he’s doing a good job at making up for all that happened. That was huge for me coz I always thought he’d not be one of those hubby’s to do that. Once again God showed me He is bigger than anything else.
The thing was, that day I was struggling with some bitterness that overcomes me at times and I was silently praying to God to take it all away. Then my husband said what he did and I thought, God is great. Continue praying for me coz I still struggle with some resentment at times. I definitely have better days but I’m yet to be completely free of the thoughts of the affair.
The romantic getaway was so great I couldn’t believe it. We went to Portland Oregon and it was my first time there so it was great.
You know Lynne, you and many others have been there for me and I want to tell you not to give up. Everything happens in God’s perfect timing and things will get better as you let go and let God. I continually pray for you and your husband. How’s the book going? (Power of a Praying Wife). Do you like it? I wanna start reading Power of a Praying Woman.
LT, how are you doing? How are things at home? I’m praying for you too. Gotta go back to work. Love you all so much and take care. God bless you all.
(USA) Anne,
Things are going so much better. Your right I am surrendering my marriage to the Lord and He is fixing it. My husband actually asked me out on a date last night. We are going to be going out tonight so Please pray that we can have a fun evening? I don’t know what He has planned but he is setting everything up, including a baby sitter. I almost couldn’t believe it but I know it’s God working.
Thank you so much for all of your prayers Anne. I can’t even explain how much they’ve meant to me. I thank God for you and those like you in my life. I will continue to pray for you and you’re battle with bitterness. I am confindent that you through God will be victorious. I just know it.
And the book is coming along slowly because I have been sick but I am loving everything I’ve read so far. Thank you for asking. Do you recommend Power of the Praying Woman? I haven’t heard of it before now so let me know what you think when you’re done reading it. Love ya
LT, Thank you so much for everything. I really hope you’re feeling better. Those last few weeks are hard. My sister in law just gave birth to a nephew yesterday. He was so tiny, only 5lbs 11oz. He’s so cute though. I really pray that your delivery goes complication free and that you and the baby stay healthy, In Jesus Name Amen.
Love ya. Love, Lynne
PS. How is every one else doing? Love ya ladies.
(GHANA) God bless you for your love. I am a teenager in Ghana who is interested in being a counselor. Can you please brief me a little about yourself and how it all began in your ministry? I also want you to pray with me concerning my future. I believe with prayer, God’s will will be done in my life.
(USA) Hi Akosua, You have touched our hearts to think that a teenager would have such a desire as to be a counselor that would help others emotionally. And because you are praying and having others pray as well that you will follow God’s will, it shows us that you would also be helping others spiritually as well. That is so very inspiring to know.
May God bless you and help you to know with certainty, if this is His will and your appointment in your life! We pray God will guide you. We are asking God to “fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” (Colossians 1:9-10)
As far as giving you history about ourselves and how Marriage Missions began, you can find that information in the “About Us” section in the upper left of the web site. We tell the history as well as information on who we are, and what we’ve learned, as well as having a SMALL portion of the letters posted that you can read which this ministry has received, telling how God is using this ministry to help their marriages and their lives. We indeed have MUCH to thank and praise God for, in the way in which He is working within all of us.
If you have additional questions, you can ask us through the “Contact Us” section we provide (again, along the upper red bar of the web site). I hope this helps.
(CANADA) Hey Lynne, hope your date goes well. I’ll pray for you. I haven’t read that book yet but I do have it and it’s today that I told myself that I’ll be reading it a chapter a day.
Things are ok but I do need prayers from all of you. I’m going through some emotional issues and some stuff with my husband that made me realise that I have a lot of past emotional issues to deal with. I grew up in a very negative home and well I took a lot from it and once I moved out from home 10 years ago I thought that’s it. But I’ve been going through things and emotions that I don’t know how to start dealing with.
My husband is very supportive but also very frustrated. I’ve always been praying to God to change me and some things have happened that I should have seen as God’s way to direct my life in the right direction, but I dealt with it negatively. It’s a lot of stuff that I’m not quite ready to write about in full coz it’s too overwhelming.
I wrote to our pastor (the one we saw) and hopefully I’ll be meeting with him soon coz I need to deal with the negativity that I have now, before it ruins my marriage. All I can say is that if I see something going wrong or my husband says I am not doing something right, it bugs me a lot and feel like I’ve failed him, and I really beat myself up. Those are the things that I want to deal with coz I grew up in a house where failure was unacceptable and when that happened, all I got was negative things being said to me. That’s some of the things that I have to deal with.
Please pray for me coz I need it. Pray for my husband too, to be patient with me as I find my way out of this, to deal with my past. It’s hard and it’s been days of tears, not understanding why I have so much pain. But I know it’s God’s way of spilling out all my emotions to really cleanse me, and for that I’m grateful. Thanks a lot and God bless.
Cindy or anyone out there, are any books that you can recommend for me to read??? I just got HEALING GRACE FOR HURTING PEOPLE by Norman Wright and Larry Renetzky. I just got it so I’ve only read a few pages and it seems good. I know God will see me and my husband through this. It just hurts. Thanks a lot and God bless.
LT how you doing? Lynne, let me know how the date went. Love you loads. Thanks to all of you.
(UGANDA) I have been reading this book which I borrowed from a Pastors wife where I spent a night while traveling. For sure my life was blessed and encouraged and guided to pray for my Husband more than before. I would like to buy a copy of my own, and other books of Omartian i.e The Power of a Praying Parent… Can you please refer me where I can get these books? Thank you & best regards. Agape
(SA) Hi everyone. It’s been months since I have posted anything, and it’s good to see that the same people are still here. We are woven together for a reason???
Things at home aren’t wonderful, but they aren’t at their worse either. Satan is attacking a lot!!! But through prayer I am trying very hard to keep my thoughts under God’s will and trying to keep the faith.
My hubby is really under attack at the moment. He is very into the Internet (chatting/flirting, etc) with other women during the day. I feel very forgotten, lonely, unloved and unwanted. He texts these other women, phones them & spends 15 minutes or so on the phone with them (whether he meets them — I don’t know). He doesn’t know that I know he does this. I don’t/can’t challenge him about it — because he is also a Bipolar sufferer. And during these perioids it is difficult to confront him, as he leaves home, and comes back once the depression has warn off.
Then we are in financial crisis etc. He then gets a job again (which I find for him), things start going well again and then WHAM… it’s September/October or November, and things start again. And so we go on each year.
He is not aware that he suffers from Bipolar. The doctor advised me not to say anything to him. He won’t take his medication. My hands are tied! All I can do is pray for him. God is all I have at times like these.
My hubby is at home every night. Weekends, we do things together. In all normality, we are a good couple, except he hides the Internet stuff from me — together with the texts & calls. He doesn’t do it on weekends or evenings.
Does any of this make sense to anyone out there? He hardly pays any attention to me except to criticize and once in a while talk to me. I don’t want to push him away! I am tired — emotionally and spiritually… tired, dead tired!
And of course, my mind also runs away with me, as only a woman’s can. I have been asking the Lord to control my emotions & thoughts. Some days are good ones, others are not so good. But I am hanging onto my Lord because He’s all I have other than my hubby and two kids (3rd child is not living with us anymore because of her habits — another story for another day).
I know that with God, nothing is impossible, no matter what the problem is. We are to call on God and He’ll reverse the problem. It just feels that I am praying and nothing is happening. But miracles above miracles, this morning, my hubby sent me a text message thanking me for the weekend and last night, and that he loves me. This is something he hasn’t done in ages. I miss my hubby, my friends and my lover.
Please keep me in your prayers and pray for our marriage and that God will restore our marriage so that He will get the glory.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL. XXX
(USA) It is so good to hear from you Sue. I am sorry to hear that your husband is under attack. Needless to say I know how that feels. I will be in prayer for your husband and yourself. We’re with ya girl.
Anne, Thank you so much for asking about the date. It really didn’t go the best, and almost didn’t happen at all because we got in a huge fight right before. Then we went out and it was better. The devil tried hard to completely ruin it but he wasn’t successful.
Then we got into an argument last night and my husband slept at his parents house last night. It was not good. We are really getting hit hard this week and my husband is getting better in some areas but worse in others. I guess I am too. Please keep us in your prayers as I will you, of course.
How are things going now? I will be praying that you can work through your past and the emotions that result from it. God will give you comfort, I believe that. I haven’t read this book but I’ve been told that it’s wonderful and for some reason it popped in my head to recommend for you. It’s called "The Purpose Driven Life". I am not sure who it’s by or why I feel like I have to tell you about it, but for some reason I just do. So let me know what you think? I love ya Girl and I know you’ll get through this.
Lord, Please be with Sue and Anne. Please bless their marriages and comfort their hearts. Please help Sue’s husband (and all of us) against the devil’s pathetic attempts on our lives. Please also help Sue’s husband to deal with his disorder and seek treatment in You? Lord, I pray that You take Anne’s pain. I pray that You give her the strength and wisdom to work through her troubles, and that You bless her husband with patience and understanding. I pray Your protection Father, on all of our marriages. I ask that anyone who stands in Your name and attempts to help others to do so (especially counselors) be given discernment and courage. Lord, thank You for everything You are, and do. Thank You for loving us more than we can understand. I pray all of this in Jesus name, Amen.
Love, Lynne
(SA) Morning everyone. Lynne thanks so much for responding to my message. It is great to know that there are people out there that care.
Just to give you some feedback, things are up and down. But they are improving! Not sure whether he is still chatting – I assume he is – cos I am still low on his list of communication during the day – but that’s ok – God is in control! Secondly, he went to the doctor yesterday for medication for the bipolar "depression" out of his own. So I can see God is working in the back ground – so ladies P.U.S.H. Please just keep us in your prayers and God Bless.
(UGANDA) Dear ladies, My name is Carol and I am from Uganda. A friend sent an email with a passage from this website so I logged on to find out more. I saw this topic and clicked and here I am. I would have loved to read from the beginning seeing that there are 374 comments but I could read only 10.
LT, have you delivered yet? Anne, Sue and Lynne, I shall make sure to pray for your needs when I get home this evening. Akosua, I hope you got what you were looking for. Cindy Wright, thanks for starting this up with your husband. I can see it has been a huge blessing to many.
Prisca, you can get that book from any Christian bookshop in Kampala. That is if you are living in Uganda currently. I hope that if you aren’t, you are able to get it because I would recommend it for every woman. I bought it before I got married and used to pray for my husband to be. I already knew who he was.
After the wedding, it got lost among a heap of other books but I recently got it out again. It really helps me when I feel I am having a problem with hubby dear. Stormie knew that there are issues men are going to deal with like their jobs, careers, disease, sex etc and so she gives a guide as to how to pray for your man. It is really helpful. Each time I feel we have something going wrong, I take it out, read a chapter that deals with the issue, read the verses recommended and then pray. It helps me lots. I hope each of you who wants it is able to get it.
God bless you all for the wonderful wives that you are. Carol