I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Hey everyone How is every one doing? It’s been awhile now I haven’t been checking as frequently as before becasue my access is limited. I really pray that every one is doing well. I have been ok but really sad lately. My hormones are getting to me I think. Please pray that I might come out of this depression and that God can remind me how lovedI am. I love ya girls Love Lynne
(ZAMBIA) This is a good website that I have visited for the first time.I will always keep in touch to learn more inspiring messages from other women.
(USA) Hey how is everyone doing? I miss you all and hope that all is well. Anne are you well? Sue, LT, Cindy, everyone how are you all?
Love ya, Lynne
(ZAMBIA) I have not seen LT’s posts in a while. Where you my sister? I liked the way you encouraged people on this site, besides Cindy and Steve. I read all comments from all of the people here and find some advise useful. Wherever you are, Stay well.
I do really need prayers right now. I need a restoration in my marriage. Please let someone join hands with me in spirit and pray for my husband to release his anger and bitterness towards me despite asking for forgiveness. I cry everyday, at work, at home. Just anywhere. I do pray too, but now I don’t have enough strength to carry on like this
(CANADA) Hi Lynne, nice to hear from you. I’ve been checking to see whether you’ve written and always wondered how you’re doing and how you’re husband is doing. I’m good. I am at work now. I’m doing fine. My husband is doing good too. We attended the Love n Respect Conference beginning of this month in Seattle and it was sooooooo GREAT.
I tell you it has done wonders for my marriage as my hubby and I grow in maturity, practicing what we were taught and what God expects from us. We’re still learning as we go along. I can see a lot of changes in my husband though, and all that is truly God coz I even began a prayer journal for my husband. All I need is to have a much stronger spiritual relationship with him. I’m praying for that so please keep us in your prayers. Actually, he did mention that he feels/thinks like he’s gonna be in ministry so I’m really praying for God’s guidance and direction. I’ve missed you lots.
How’s the baby and how is your husband doing? Keep me informed. In my prayers gal. Love you all.
(USA) Anne, That is so awesome to hear. Praise God!!! I was reading that book Love and Respect and then I lost it. I am sure I’ll find it again. I am doing well. The baby is getting big. I only have a few months left now until he (yes another baby boy) is born. My other little guy is finally understanding that there is something in mommy’s tummy.
My husband is doing well too. He is growing so much. The rehab that he is in is very Christ centered. Praise the Lord he will be getting to come home in about a month. Which is a huge relief because I am just having a really hard time. I am getting huge and have had a few complications, but praise the Lord. The baby is good and so am I. God really does provide. I have really learned about trusting lately. Well, I better get back to work too. I love ya gal and I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. Love, Lynne
(USA) I have been using some of the prayers in this book, and God recently showed me a new way of journaling my prayers through a lady named Becky Tirabassi http://www.changeyourlifedaily.com/journal.aspx
My husband is saved but he has completely backslidden. He has compromised our values and allowed things into our home that are ungodly. I am one of the leaders of a ministry for women held once a week at another location. I have sought counsel as to whether I should step down from this ministry because my husband is my primary ministry.
The advice I was given was to be willing in the heart to give that up if I felt God was asking me to. I do feel that this is a spiritual attack directed at me. The “before-Christ” anger problems and selfishness he used to portray are back, and all seemed to be directed at me.
God spoke to me saying that I should be silent toward him, but love him without words. Basically, I feel God is telling me “Don’t ask him why he is doing this, you already know. Don’t tell him how bad he is hurting you, he already sees it. Don’t politely offer to read the Bible with him, he doesn’t want to do that, and he interprets it as nagging.” God has told me to love him unconditionally, pray for him continually, refuse to participate in his sin, but let him be accountable to HIM for his sin, not to me.
This is easier said then done. I always thought I was a sweet, encouraging wife. I never, ever thought of myself as a nag. I have never noticed that I may have been doing this until I began to catch myself “not being silent.” For instance, My husband and I are trying to leave town as I am typing this. We have to get to the airport. He was changing the oil in the car this morning when he stormed in screaming and yelling that he couldn’t find the oil filter because the garage is such a mess.
Now, he has taken 2 weeks off of work to catch up on some things and to take a break from stress, yet he has spent those 2 weeks fishing every day. So now, he is in a bind and he is stressed out because of his own problems. I so badly wanted to say very kindly “Well, sweetie, maybe you should have taken one day off from fishing so that you could get your garage straightened out.” To me, I would not have thought this as nagging before, just common sense. I was trying to help him.
Then God said to me “Do you think he doesn’t already know these things?” Wow! You know what, he does know. I am not the Holy Spirit, God is. If anyone can show him a better way it is the Lord.
Please continue to pray for me because this is actually wayyyy more difficult than I ever thought it would be.
“…so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” – 1 Peter 3:1
Lord, please give me a spiritual straitjacket when I want to react out of hurt of frustration. I pray that you would put your hand over my mouth, make me bite my tongue, whatever it takes. Father, when I get out of your way, you can do marvelous things! I ask you to help me this week to be more Christlike. Help me to set a godly example for other women. I pray all this in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
(USA) Thank you Marie for sharing these insights with us. They are profound! God has given you a powerful vision of what it takes to persevere in love within a marriage. I pray the Lord empowers you to continually keep this vision alive within your mind, your resolve, and within your actions toward your husband. May God richly bless your every effort to love your husband “as unto the Lord” and enable and equip you to help other wives to live out God’s loving principles as well!
(FIJI) This prayer really helped me. Everyday when I bowed down to pray I kept this print in front of me and prayed and God has worked miracles in my life thru this prayer. Just one day after I prayed this my husband started talking to me and I realized that he was not talking to me was because I did not apologize. As I prayed this prayer I did not know how but I ended up saying sorry to him …. although we are still separated I thank God that he has already started to work a miracle in my life and it will not be long until he reunites us with his blessing.
I tell you when I came back home and saw this prayer, it was than that I realized what God made me do and it was because of this unforgiveness that his power and miracle was not able to flow in my life.
Pray this prayer but pray it with Faith… God truly answers, although it takes time for some of us. But his timing is perfect. Love and prayers, RD
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good day, My husband and I are not speaking. He had an affair and was starting to help the girl he was with to get a job. I just found out about this yesterday 23 September 2009. He choose not to sleep in the same bed last night, he went out came back and slept in our daughter’s room.
How do I talk to him? I have tried to talk to him. He wont say anything to me. I asked him what he wanted to eat; he turned around and said he wont eat food made by me. He has been drinking since 09:00 CAT time. What should I do? I have prayed; I don’t know what to do now. Please help me or pray for us. He wont even sit in the same room.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Good day Caroline. Yes, is hard. If you can’t talk to him, I recommend that you talk to God. Tell God how you are feeling, everything, your emotions, pains, disappointment. Then ask Him to open communication channels between you and your husband.
God is Love my dear, when it comes to us, we are special. Talk to GOD and ask Him for everything that you need Him to do for you. He will surely do it for you. Also pray for your husband. You can’t change him, but GOD can.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Please pray for my marriage to be a happy, loving and everlasting.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I have been married for 16 years. He is not saved and doesn’t want anything to do with Jesus. He doubts the existence of a God. I am a committed Christian and have been for the past 17 years. I’ve been praying for his salvation for the past 17 years.
For past year or two we have been arguing a lot. There’s a lot of misscommunication and misunderstandings and we start arguing. We are living in separate homes that we own because the arguing got so bad. We visit each other. We are in our 60s and he is impotent because of diabetes, so sex is no longer a part of us. He has been retired for the past 5 years, but he stays active with hobbies and things. I am also retired.
The arguing has gotten so bad that I’m thinking about divorce. Even living apart is not helping. I don’t know how much more I can take. The aggravation and the strife is really bad. I still love him and he says he still loves me, but I’m not sure if love is enough for us. Just wanted to unload. Thank you.
(USA) Dear Mary, All of the stirring may signify that you’re on the verge of a breakthrough. Please don’t give up now. Please forgive. Divorce hurts you and everyone in your life.
(USA) Hey everyone I have missed you all. So how is everyone doing? Please forgive my absence, my access is very limited these days. Mary, please keep praying for your husband. Jessica is right the devil is just trying to discourage you. Trust that God has the situation undercontrol give it over to him and don’t stop praying.
Things with my marriage are still rough, but we are trying. My husband has made so many changes but things still hurt. God is healing though. Please just pray for us. We could use it. Seems like there’s been a little back sliding lately. But praise God we are now in a samll group at church that is focusing on marriage. So hopefully it will help. The thing that is awesome is that God spoke to my husband to choose the small group that was based on marriage and the hubby actually suggested. Thank goodness. God is working. We also welcomed our second child last month. He is so beautiful. Praise God.
How is everyone elese doing? Cindy, LT, Anne,Sue, Miss ya ladies. I still pray for you occationally. I will step it up is there anything new I can pray for? Love, LYNNE
(PHI) Hi Lynne, Your story is truly inspiring… I wish that you would also pray for me and my husband for we are having a difficult time today. I really don’t know what to do. Please help.
(BOTSWANA) I found out about this website through an email a sister emailed me and I am grateful for finding this website. I can’t even begin to say how much I relate to so many of the the women here. I have been married for seven and a half years. My marriage started out great, my husband went away for studies shortly after we married and left me with a 3 month old baby girl and son of 6 years. He is home now and I am happy that we can be a family again after so many years but things are not the same, there is a lot of anger and pain between us.
While he was away, he started accusing me of having affairs because that is what he heard. There were no affairs but he was and is still convinced they were there and this has caused him to treat me badly it hurts me so much and I find it difficult to pray. He is also now drinking everyday and says he cannot go to church. This also hurts me because my children are growing up without the father raising them in way of the Lord. I am worried about how this will affect my children. My son already does not want to go to church and I have to force him.
So many times I have thought of just packing and leaving but then I think of what the Bible says, but then I always ask myself if it is what God wants for us to be in so much pain day in and day out. Sometimes I find my own faith wavering and not really believing that God can save my marriage. Please pray for me that I can remain strong in the Lord and that I will learn to pray for my husband and my marriage and to totally trust in God for everything. I am about to start reading Power of a Praying Wife and I am excited about it because I have heard so many good things.
(KENYA) All I can tell you, when I read your story, is that I can feel your pain and am going to pray for you. Don’t give up even when you are up against the wall. God will does not take us where his will cannot protect us. Be strong.
(USA) Linda, I will be praying for you and your marriage. It’s so hard when you have been physically separated because the devil likes to cause trouble.
Lord, I am praying that YOU, Father reveals the truth to Linda’s husband so that he can be reassured of hers but most of all YOUR faithfulness and let go of his bitterness and anger can be released. So that Joy may be restored. Father, the devil would love to tear this family apart but I just pray Your protection over them and that the can come together in YOU. I pray this in your son Jesus’ name. Amen.
God Bless you girl. Love, Lynne