I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) Praise the Lord! You give me hope, Georgann. God bless you and your family. Healing is one aspect of Jesus’ ministry that has never ceased, and it is still available to us. I pray that you be encouraged in all the places where you are discouraged and that the Lord Jesus touch you in all of the places where you need healing, and all of the places in your beloved children’s hearts and in all of the places in your husband’s heart. Another book I would recommend besides Stormie’s fantastic book is by Neil T. Anderson, called “The Bondage Breaker”. It not about healing but about spiritual warfare.
Also, at my church, in addition to our fantastic rector, we are blessed to have a semi-annual guest speaker from Canada, Father Todd Atkinson. He is a man of incredible gifts, and his sermons on healing are some of the best I’ve ever heard. I hope you will be blessed by them as well. Free podcast available here:
http://www.standrewsgainesville.org/guest_sermons/ God bless you and your whole family!
(USA) My hair stylist recommended this book. My husband of 23 years has recently moved out. We had grown apart and I pulled away. I am accepting responsibility for the great part I have played in our relationship. He says that he needs some time away and to think. He has asked that we not see or talk to each other for a couple of weeks. He also says that he is on the fence and he doesn’t know what he wants. It’s kind of a combination of things gone wrong and a mid-life crisis. I keep apologizing for taking advantage of him.
Is there hope? I do love my husband very much and since he has been gone (about a week) I have come to the realization of how much responsibility he had on him and the stress. I feel awful and want to keep apologizing for my lack consideration and negligence. He has felt unloved.
Besides this book, what can I do? He doesn’t want to talk to me and has said that he does not want to go to marriage counseling. He does however, plan to spend time with our children (17 and 20) over the Christmas holiday. I guess I’m included.
Don’t want to feel desperate, but my heart is aching. I miss him terribly and am praying that he will give us another try to work toward a healthy relationship. I am fearful it may be too late for him and that he loves me, but is not in love with me. I am praying for wisdom and guidance. Thanks for letting share my thoughts.
(USA) Hi Connie, How very sad that you came to realize faults when your husband decided it might be too late. Sadly, we hear this story over and over again. It’s frustrating. But prayerfully, it’s not too late for your marriage. I’ve also heard and seen stories lived out where dead marriages are resurrected against all odds.
As far as what you can do… consistency over time might help, if your husband eventually gives you a chance to show your sincerity in being a wife who is affirming rather than de-valuing, in your approach to your husband.
Continue to pray (despite the length of time that you remain in a waiting room experience) and ask God for insight and the opportunity to bless your husband in the ways He shows you is best. You can’t FORCE your husband to open his eyes to your changed ways or continue to beg and grovel, because it could put your relationship on a false foundation. It’s not sustainable (nor should it be).
All you can do is pray for him (which is a lot, when you figure you have the God of the Universe working on your behalf). Pray that God will open the eyes of your husband’s heart towards you and pray and work on yourself and your issues (to become a better and more positive person)– to be a dispenser of encouragement rather than a vessel of criticism. It’s an uphill battle, but SO vital! I pray the Lord blesses your efforts and your marriage relationship.
(USA) Thank you Cindy. I will continue to pray and lift my eyes upward.
(USA) Wow, I thought I was the only one. I have been in an abusive relationship with my husband as well (he was with drugs and alcohol and women). I also kept praying to the point I threw in the towel. Things got even worse. I had the beating, verbal but I didn’t want to give up. He is the father of my kids and I felt as though I had to continue praying. I also get scared trying to tell him things that I mess up even to this day.
He finally gave up the drugs, alcohol and women for God. After 10 years he is a new man. But I still have the scars that are planted in my heart. I try and try to change (trying to fall in love again), but I keep remembering the past and still feel the pain inside. Also, I keep lying too when things (finances) hit the wall. I thank you for expressing yourself and keep the faith. We are here for one another and like LT said we shouldn’t bash our men, but keep praying. God does hear our prayers, now for the healing process. I need to learn to let go of control. And let God take control. I pray for each of you and your families. Keep your head up and thank you again for the encouragment.
(KENYA) I have stumbled on this site when I was looking for a book and reading all of you women who are going through one thing or another. It is inspiring, especially since I am going through something also. I’ve been married for two years and recently found out that my hubby might be cheating on me. It’s painful, hard, and you go through days like a zombie. I am so confused. I really just don’t know what to do or who to talk to. Pray for me. Thanks.
(PHILIPPINES) I join my prayers with you. I know the pain. But I also know GOD knows it and He is in control. He loves you and He loves your husband too…He will not allow your husband to keep sinning. This is where we come in. I think God asks us to pray…. as we are made 1 in marriage, I think if one of us prays for the other God hears it in a special way… is this just me trying to convince my self? No. I know so. And I know you know it too. It is just hard to bring one’s self to believe when one is going through trying times. Keep praying, God loves you. (I am Catholic… if you will allow me… Jesus and Mama Mary loves you!) I join my prayers with you Katerina.
(NAMIBIA) Dear Katerina, It is so painful to find out that one’s husband is cheating, but Lord is always on your side, He is faithful and doesn’t change. Just call on Him, although it might be difficult at times that He consoles you and gives you inner peace. Stay in prayer – God can change ALL situations. I will pray for you too.
(PHILIPPINES) Please join me in praying for the restoration of my marriage. I know we love each other, but my husband is playing with fire and he is not even aware of the consequences of it. This is the 1st time I have been to this site. And i was strengthened in my conviction to keep praying for him despite the pain (oh the pain is just too much, it has become physical to me). I was doubting about God’s will to keep my marriage intact and have been entertaining thoughts of breaking it off. I work overseas at the moment, being the breadwinner of the family. Please pray that God could provide us a source of income which would afford us 4 to be together in one country. Thank you for feeding my faith that it is HIS will for my family to be intact. May I have the strength to continue praying for him. I dont want to throw away 16 years of marriage just because Satan is trying to tear my family apart! God will not allow it! Now, friends, I need your prayers please. May my family overcome this trial. I pray strength and guidance to all of you who need help in their marriages too. God can do the impossible. Keep believing!
(USA) I have been married to my husband for 20 yrs but separated from him on and off for 3 years- and leagally now since Nov. He has been accusing me of unfaithfulness and it got so horrible I couldn’t take anymore. I had so much hope in the beginning of our troubles and was standing on scripture -praying and doing whatever I could possibly think of to make him believe. But it has gotten worse and worse.
Basically I had given up and have been a complete basket case of sadness and pain and even stopped praying and going to church because it hurt so much since I wasn’t seeing any change……BUT GOD HAS MOVED AGAIN ON MY HEART TO TRY AGAIN! Its almost funny because our situation is ridiculously horrible when you just look at it and know all the facts but …..NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD! I can see now, that especially during these last 6 mos. I had given up- just laid down and died- took all my “armor” off and let the devil have his way. God is so so so good to rekindle that spark of hope again in my heart and to draw me again to his word and to begin standing on HIS PROMISES again for my marriage- no matter what… period.
My friend told me about this book today- what timing! I can’t wait to get it. I told her I am done being the “VICTIM” -(although, yes, I have been affected) but realize that the real victim is my husband’s mind that the devil is wanting to destroy (and with it our marriage and family). I have begun praying EVERYTIME he comes to my mind, even at my work. And instead of asking God why he is doing/saying all the negative I am lifting him up to JESUS and praying LIFE, godly charater and angelic protection over him and basically calling him into rightousness…by faith!!
It looks impossible in the natural, but my GOD is a God of miracles- of forgiveness- of mercy- of redemption- of reconcilliation- ….!!!!! I am not allowing my mind to accept a “plan B- well if it doesn’t work out” kind of thinking anymore. I want to grow with God during this time as well as ask him to forgive me for my responses in the past to my husband in how I dealt with the accusations. I know this will be hard but the Lord is on my side and I know I am praying HIS will for us!
(SOUTH AFRICA) Thank you very much to the messages. My husband is a person who is having extramarital affairs and a child out of wedlock. I was very angry with him. There was a time where I felt praying for him was not necessary because of his behaviour. He spent three months staying with the girlfriend, not coming home at all and my children and I were so frustrated, not knowing what to do. He also influenced his family members to be against me and my children.
But thank God after reading this book I started praying for him and he came back home, even though I am still struggling because all the trust that I had for him is gone. Please help to deal with this situation. He is spending his money with the girlfriend. He even went to borrow money to give to the girlfriend and it all hits back to my family. The worst part is he even proposes love to the nanny who is staying with my children when I am at work.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I don’t have any comments. I found out about these discussion through the pastor. This morning when I checked on the internet I found out about the book. The name of book the is The Power the Praying Wife. I have been inspired by this book.
I am not yet married but, soon I will be married so please brothers and sisters when you pray, don’t forget to pray for my boyfriend so that God speaks sense into him. I am pleased by this discussion. I am looking fordward to getting great messages.
(NIGERIA) Thanks a lot for writing this book. I am single but am reading this book cos I know that one day I will find my better half and when I do I’ll pray how you did. This book is great.
(UGANDA) Hallo, Sometimes you feel it’s just the end of the road.You have been praying for your husband even more than yourself. It reaches a time when your spirit just says it’s enough, pack up and leave. Is it right for a Christian to separate from the husband on grounds of infidelity though you didn’t catch them in the act red-handed?
(TANZANIA) This is my first time to visit the page, but I found very interesting news about how God healed different marriages. I’m not married yet, but I know some day I will be called a wife, so by visiting this web I got experience on how problems arise in marrige and how to overcome them. I have passed through comments. I would like to congratulate sis LT for the encouragement you provide to others, blessed abundantly.
(U.S.A.) Hi, I am in need of your prayers. I found out that my husband is having an affair. I pray for him every chance I get. I also pray for the woman too. I believe God and his word. Please help me pray. God Bless you always.
(USA) Ladies, Hello all it’s been a long time (about a year). Wow, how is everyone? Kaile, my heart goes out to you Hun and just know that Jesus weeps with you. He is the only other person who knows the pain you feel. That’s because He feels it with you. Even if someone else is going through or has gone through something similar it’s never the same and everyone feels pain differently. So there isn’t anyone other that Jesus who can give you true comfort. Cry out to Him, and seek His face. I will be praying for you and your husband with love.
Margaret, Please read Mark 10:1-12 and let me know what you think. These verses were confusing to me at first until I asked my Pastor about them but my understanding of what the Spirit was telling me through them changed everything. God Bless.
Ladies, I need prayer for my Marriage please? We are not doing very well right now and I know it’s just the devil. We’ve left ourselves vulnerable. We stopped praying together and separately. I know I am guilty of even praying less often. We didn’t even get to church this morning because the devil had us up so late fighting last night. I am so tired and just so hurt and I know that stupid devil is just as happy as could be right now. I know my husband isn’t in a good place right now either. The devil has been really working one over on him for a while. He’s been lying to my husband about everything in life making him feel bad about himself. I have been trying to reassure him that these lies aren’t true and build him up but the devil just tears him back down or tears me down in my husbands eyes so that the positive things I’ve said carry little weight.
Please pray protection over my husband and his self image and his image of me. He really is a good man who loves the Lord and I know that’s why the devil tries so hard to hurt him and our marriage. Please pray for me as the Spirit leads, I am not sure where to begin or how to ask for the prayers I need. I just need God’s help, comfort, and healing. I need to be a better daughter first then a better wife and mother. Thank you so much Ladies it really means a lot to me. I love all of you as my sisters in Christ, God Bless. Love, Lynne
(USA) I married a man almost 15 years ago, who did not know or serve God but I did. I knew the word of God about being unequally yoke, but did so anyway. Although, the Lord blessed the marriage as we came before Him to wed. I suffered consequences to marry a man who followed the worlds ways as I followed Christs ways. I prayed for years for his salvation. Then a time came that I decided I was going to leave him. I knew the scriptures about leaving him and therefore I knew it was not God’s will, but I was determined to do it anyway.
Shortly after, I got laid off from my job and the Lord told me to go prostrate before him about my husband’s salvation. A few days later my sister blessed me with the book “Power of a Praying Wife.” I fasted and prayed before reading the book and it changed my life and family’s life tremendously. My husband surrendered his life to Christ when I was about 75% through the book.
As a result of my testimony of God using this book as a major instrument in my life the Lord had me share my testimony on line and three years ago to date – my women’s ministry Powerful Praying Women was birthed out.
Although it is listed on the site under the book title. I have sowed this book into so many over the years, and suggested it to even more. If you do not have the book, buy it, go to the library to get it or ask someone do they have it. Here is my website link if you are looking for more encouragement: http://www.meetup.com/powerfulprayingwomen
Yes, marriage may get tough sometime but know that God has already annointed you for this season and the victory was already done for you on Calvary. I pray God’s blessings over every person who reads this. I pray that He will increase your faith in the name of Jesus. I pray that He will bless your marriage in the name of Jesus. If you are single, I pray that you would wait patiently on God to send you the husband He created for you and not step out on your own in Jesus name. I love you sisters!! –Terri