I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(CANADA) Hey Amber thanks a lot for your message. It came when I was just crying my eyes out to God because I’m so tired of all this and at the same time so worried about my husband. He’s also having a really bad night. He normally works 6 days a week and he was saying that he works so hard and he’s got nothing to show for it. I let him vent out without offering advice. I did tell him he has stuff to show for it.
I think for a man to feel like this it’s a huge load together with all the stuff he’s holding in. I just worried so much coz he looks like he’s ready to snap. I do feel bad coz we aren’t sleeping in the same room and I did want to just show him I’m there. I did go to the guest room and i laid next to him and told him that I’m there for him and if he needs to talk I’m there. He just said he wants to be left alone. So I left and I told him I loved him. He’s not saying those words back and the funny thing is, I don’t feel bad. It’s amazing what God can do because I know he’ll say them again one day.
I just feel helpless coz he has so much bottled up. We are seeing our pastor and the first 5 minutes you literally have to pull things out of him. I know that this is my WAITING PERIOD and I have to be patient but it’s really hard. I love him and I’m trying to show him even though I know it won’t be reciprocated.
Thanks though Amber, that was really nice. I’m glad your marriage is better and don’t give up God is working on things even if you can’t see it now. Thank you and may God bless you and your husband. Later. By the way there’s this article by STORMIE OMARTIAN called THE POWER OF PATIENCE. I found it at http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2005/003/1.42.html …It helped me last night when i was just about to go mad with losing patience. It’s very uplifting.
Hi Anne, I want you to know that you have more people praying for you and caring about you than you may realize. There are a lot of people who read the entries on this web site that never respond in writing, and yet they pray for the people who are hurting, and they care very much.
I’m one of those individuals who reads each entry and weeps and prays for those who weep and rejoices with those who rejoice.
You may notice that I changed the web site link in your letter to direct people to the exact link (since you didn’t know exactly how to explain how to get to it). It’s a great article and I didn’t want one person missing out on reading it (because some people may not have been able to find it). I figured you would approve of the change.
I want to tell you how proud I am of you in how gracious you are being with your husband. I’m sure this must be difficult to do. But I see a working of the Holy Spirit in your life and the character of Christ coming through in how you are trying to discern the needs of the moment rather than reacting right away to what is immediately happening.
There is a time to confront issues and there is a time to step back and realize that their frustration isn’t about you, but about other issues, and sometimes giving them extra grace will eventually help them to come around. Eventually you may be able to help him to work things out in a healthier way, but now is obviously not the time, in this case.
Also, most men have a tendency to work through their issues by pulling back and NOT talking (or at least not talking right away), rather than talking things through (like we do). There is always the exception to the “rule” but that seems to be a natural tendency. We, as women, have more of a tendency to talk our way into a place of feeling better about things where men withdraw. I’m not saying one way is better than the next — they’re just different.
If you go into the section of our web site titled “Gender Differences” you will see several articles posted that you could read that explains what I am trying to explain.
Although, I have to say that I’ve found that the longer my husband Steve and I are married, the more we have been able to work out a compromising blend of communication that works issues through in a way that is both healthy and agreeable to both of us. It’s taken a LONG time to get to that place (and sometimes we still do and say things we shouldn’t). I pray you will eventually get to a better place of being able to communicate as husband and wife as well.
Please know that my heart and prayers are with you.
(USA) Hi Anne, It was so nice to see your reply. I wish I would have stumbled across this site a year ago. I have longed to talk to people in my situation for so long and I’m so glad I finally found it!
When my husband and I were sleeping in separate rooms he would say the exact same things to me. It was always "Leave me alone". Every now and then I would try to sneak into the room just to lay and be close to him and he would act completely hateful while letting me know that it was NOT okay and I needed to leave.
It is so hard to show and tell someone how much you love them without receiving anything in return but it really is the best thing you can do. It is what I have done for a year, but it has become easy to show my love without expecting anything in return. I tell him I love him and he still will not say it back but just like you somehow it just does not hurt anymore. When I try to kiss him he turns away and when I try to give him a hug he stands there and will not reciprocate at all. But as awful as that sounds it is actually a great improvement because in the beginning I could not touch him at all, he was filled with so much anger and hatefulness!!
It is a great thing to learn to love someone unconditionally without expecting anything in return and it really does get easier. That is Gods way of loving. I feel like someday when we are through all of this I want him to be able to look back and thank me for being such a strong wife and loving him through everything. It’s just amazing to see someone almost exactly where I was a year ago except for the fact that my husband never told me he was sorry and wanted to try and work it out.
He won’t even attempt counseling of any sort, so see you are already a step ahead! I want you to know, you may not believe it now, but it will get better. It just takes time and as you know patience. God is really working his way and teaching us so many things at the moment. I can see just over the past year how much I have learned and grown because of this. I will be thinking and praying for you and thanks for being there for me too! Let me know how this weekend goes for you!
(USA) Anne, One thing that I forgot to mention is the number one lesson I realized God was trying to teach me. As much as I loved God, my husband was still my entire life and my entire being revolved around him. That’s why when I found out my husbands feelings and especially when I found out about another woman, I lost it, I didn’t know how I would live without him. Looking back those were the darkest days of my life. I literally had to go to the doctor for help because I could not get up off the couch. I was numb.
It took me a while to realize that my husband was in the wrong spot on my priority list. When I realized that God must come before my husband, things became much clearer and that’s when things started looking better and slowly started turning around for me and us. I learned to come to a place where regardless of what happens between the two of us, I know that I will be okay now. Before I thought I could not survive without him and now with Gods love I am a stronger woman and should things not end up the way I pray for them to, then I know I will survive. I hope this encourages you!!
(CANADA) Hi Cindy and Amber thanks a lot for your encouragement and prayers. Cindy it’s ok that you changed the site coz I couldn’t remember. Something you said definitely made me think of Steve (my hubby’s name too). He is one to solve his own problems and with this he shuts down and becomes withdrawn. Now he’s arrogant. But I know it’s just to make people stay away and it’s working, but for those who truly know him are trying to reach out.
I just wish he could talk to somebody. He keeps on saying that he wants to talk to our pastor alone but doesn’t get to it. I cried for him in prayer last night because he really needs God’s guidance. I do have my days when my patience falters and I feel so frustrated but like you said, women love to talk things out.
Amber, I do understand what you said that your hubby was your all. I treated mine the same way. He was my god. And now I also realize that God wants me to make Him my first and my all. I still miss the loving man that my husband is and I definitely miss his affection. I’m trying to accept the fact that for now, I’m the anchor of this marriage and God is working on my husband and marriage even if I can’t see it. I’m at peace with things but it’s hard to watch someone you truly love go through issues and they don’t want to be helped.
I will continue praying for Steve and myself coz I definitely need the strength. My mother-in-law told me that the devil targets married couples and I refuse for him to win this. I was feeling discouraged about this weekend. Then I figured out what satan is trying to do. But he ain’t gonna get to me. Thanks a lot ladies. We need each other. God brought us together for a reason. I love you all. Pray for my weekend and my husband. Till next time.
(USA) Hi Anne, I wanted to add a comment to some of what you wrote lately. I’m healing from abuse in my marriage- that’s REALLY complicated. It’s way more than just the hitting. It involves unhealthy verbal communication, the eyes to even be able to see it (on both sides) as well as deep-seated emotional/psychological issues.
It’s been almost a year and a half since the abuse was addressed in our marriage and we are STILL dealing with the issues and STILL in the healing process. It’s so deep-seated because, as was in the case of my marriage, someone who abuses was usually coming from an abusive household as a child, so they’ve carried it since childhood in their own life and the longer it goes on in the marriage, the more there is to overcome.
So….I say all that not to rain on your parade but to make sure you’re keeping a healthy dose of reality in your healing expectations.
You said, I think, that your husband was sleeping in a separate room for about a month, more or less, and I know from one of your comments you met with your pastor (both of you) only about 2 weeks ago.
So….please don’t take this the wrong way but expecting your husband to come back to the same room at night with you, right now, is WAAAYYY too soon! People just don’t heal that fast. Especially when it involves a sin with great stigma/shame. So your husband is going to go through several different healing phases and with that you must be patient, as you already realized.
Use your common sense to know when to ask for things, suggest things, and when to give him his space. You’ll start seeing the line more clearly as you walk the road of healing for both of you.
I just wanted to tell you that. I think it’s great if you guys can have a weekend away. My husband and I took a vacation only a few months after we started our healing process. But there was still a long way to go after that. So, just from my own experience, you have to expect a lengthy healing process that goes in phases.
But you WILL get there – I know you two as a couple will get there. Satan targets all Christians. The stronger the Christian is spiritually, the harder Satan presses. The reason he targets marriages is because it’s the physical representation of Christ’s own union with his bride, the church.
I’m keeping you in my prayers! God speed. Stay strong and persevere in Christ.
(CANADA) Hey LT, thanks for the message. And you ain’t bursting my bubble trust me, I know that healing is gonna take a long time. It’s when I lose patience, that I want things to just work out or for him to "snap out of it". I don’t mean that literally; it’s the build up of frustration.
I think the one thing I’d like to see is remorse for the affair and him fighting for the marriage. It would help a lot but I’ve come to the realization that for now with all that he’s going through he can’t do that and I’m coming to accept that. I know that God will make a way. I just have to be patient. But sometimes it’s easier said than done.
As for us sleeping in the same room, I know he won’t come back now and I haven’t even asked him to. When I need to talk to him I just go to the guest room and then leave. He’ll come back when he’s ready. I’d like to build on our friendship though, because we were such GREAT friends. This weekend is for us to just get away from it all and have a nice time without talking about what’s going on. I miss him a lot. I know it will be over. The best thing though, from all this, is that it has been really hard, but I have gained a lot because of all the prayers and listening to God. Thanks a lot for all your prayers. I’m praying for you and everybody else here. God bless you all.
(USA) Good Morning Girls! I am not even sure where to start. I read these comments every morning at work, and try my best not to turn into a blubbering fool, because I can relate so very much. Anne, I swear everything you write, is me writing a year ago!! I felt the exact same and still do many days! Even though I am much stronger now than I was then, I do definitely still have my bad days. Every now and then I think I just can not stand another day without the loving husband I used to know. But I always seem to make it through another day. And even on my strong days I still miss him so very much. It is just not as painful as it used to be.
I too would lose patience and I would end up telling him the same things you say. Actually it was more like yelling! I remember saying he needed to just "get over it" and he needed to "open his eyes and see the great life he really had" but that, like you, was just my frustration building. With time I learned how to control it and just keep my mouth closed because really, it NEVER made the situation any better!! Just like Cindy said there is a time to confront issues and a time to sit back and let them be.
Also like you I still wish for my husband to have shown some remorse for the other girl. I think that was one of the things that confused me the most! It seems like so many other husbands end up apologizing profusely to their wives when caught, but not mine, he didn’t see anything wrong with talking to this other girl and basically seemed mad at me for ruining their "friendship"!! But that is something I have decided to put in the past, she is gone, and I don’t ever want to mention her name again. I do wish everyday I could see him take an active approach in saving our relationship. Saving this marriage is definitely one sided.
LT is right that it will take a long time. We are still far from being there and it has been a year and one month! Working on your friendship is a great idea. I can say that we are finally friends again, and it feels good, but still hard, because there is so much farther to go. We are still "just friends". Like roommates really.
I too wanted it "fixed now". Learning patience really helped even though I still need more! :-) But it will happen, very gradually so that I bet you don’t even notice it. I never noticed how things were really getting better until now I can look
back and see how from month 1 to month 12 is so drastically different. It’s amazing.
I was wondering, how will this weekend go, will it be the same bed? And does he know about this weekend? In month 3 of our ordeal, I planned a weekend getaway for our 3 year anniversary and wanted to surprise him hoping it might be the awakening he needed. A wise friend suggested that I tell him ahead of time so not to jump it on him and so I wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t want to go. She suggested to make up my mind that I should go regardless –either with him or with some girlfriends.
Surprisingly he accepted, and we had a nice time! However it wasn’t the awakening and the amazing time I had hoped for. So I would suggest going into it with an open mind and with no expectations so that you might be pleasantly surprised if you have just an "okay" weekend.
Also I was wondering, how about the other girl? Is she out of the picture now? Sorry so long, I just find this so therapeutic for me. It really helps me, even when I am hoping to help you! Talk to you ladies later! Thanks Again
(CANADA) Ok Amber, this is just amazing our situations are too much alike.. ok the weekend plans I canceled…. long story but in short it was miscommunication. He knew I had plans but coz he works on Saturdays too he thought I just wanted to do something on Sunday. Then something came up financially that made me cancel the original plans. He knew about that but what I didn’t mention was that I was still planning something. When I told him, he hit the roof coz he had hockey tickets and said I should have told him not to make plans. We had a difference in opinion too coz I feel if it’s a surprise keep it quiet.
Anyways, I thought he didn’t wanna go coz of hockey and I just cried. Then he said we’ll still go. Long story short I decided to truly ask him what was up and he told me he was only going coz he didn’t want to break my heart and he said that he looked like the bad guy coz he didn’t wanna go. Anyways, it wasn’t about hockey, he said he’s not ready to go away with me.
I was disappointed but not hurt coz he suggested we reschedule it to next month. It’s his birthday, so that’s what we’ll do. I apologized for not being clear about this weekend. It won’t be a surprise, but at least he said he’ll take the Saturday off. He said we can go for a car show on Sunday, then lunch for him. That’s a good start to build friendship so that’s what we’ll do.
On Saturday when he goes for the game I’ll have a gal’s night out. Funny thing, I came to also realize that I had prayed about this weekend, and asked God if this is not a good weekend to do this, to just close the door. He did so that helped a lot to realize it was just God telling me not yet. I know it’s gonna be hard. I’m learning to be patient and praying for it daily. What have you done to show your hubby that you respect and love him even when he’s being unresponsive??
I know God wants me to respect my hubby all the time coz that shows I respect God too. It’s just sometimes I see him and get mad. Any ideas?? Thanks a lot Amber for your help, and for all the gals for sharing. I’ll continue praying for strength and patience coz I need it. I’m doing my best to see him as God sees him coz if God can forgive me and him unconditionally, why can’t I?? Later! May God bless you all.
(CANADA) Hey gals, I forgot to ask how did you ever deal with the resentment and bitterness that overcomes you? I’m trying and there are days when I’m fine. And then when I tell myself that I’ll love my husband and show him respect, resentment just overcomes me and I just stay away from him. The thing with him is that he senses my moods from a mile away, so when he asks I say nothing and he knows I’m lying. I want to stop that habit coz it’s just driving me nuts. Let me know how to deal with this, coz I won’t let it control me at all. Later.
(USA) Hi Anne, Thanks for your question about bitterness – it shows great faith and a GREAT desire to grow and learn.
I, too, went through that phase. It is normal for us as humans. We live in a world where we are bombarded by movies, books, films, etc., where the human emotions run amuck and it’s supposed to be ok. In my walk with God I’ve come to believe that human emotions are normal, it’s how we deal with them that sets us apart from the world.
My answer (from my own experience): ALWAYS rely on the Holy Spirit. That’s truly the ONLY way you’ll do the right thing and respond in the right way. It is a huge process, though – the "shedding of the skin."
It’s us, learning to be more like Christ and less like our human, fleshly selves – which is very difficult. And it goes in phases. You work on one thing for a while then after you’ve overcome that, you work on another, etc. All the previous things you learned, help you in the next phase. It’s like going through grades at school.
I don’t think there’s any easy trick, but the one thing I will say, that helped me the most (but that I’m still not good at) is being "instant in prayer."
As soon as you feel those emotions creeping up, pray. If you don’t feel them subside right away, then it probably is best to leave the room rather than bite at your husband because you can’t stand the sight of him at that moment. You can only do the best you can do and it takes a while to overcome – especially when it’s our deep-rooted human, emotional reactions. That’s probably one of the biggest things to overcome. It’s huge, but I’m glad you’re asking – it shows you’re on the right path and are really digging into the deep spiritual stuff.
When your husband asks what’s wrong, if you can’t overcome "yourself" at that moment, I would suggest saying that I’m not feeling very spiritual right now; my flesh is getting in the way and I need to go pray by myself for a while (or with him if you feel the opportunity is there).
This way you are telling the truth and that’s just the best you can do on some days. Don’t let Satan win by having you ignore or hide your feelings. The Bible says that true love does not hide the truth or rejoice in iniquity. Avoiding the truth by telling little white lies is not of God.
Well, that’s all I have for now. I know exactly where you are – it’s where I was several months ago. One other thing I’ll add is that doing this (trying to overcome and being instant in prayers) on a daily basis, teaches you to constantly walk in faith and rely on God – not just while you pray in the morning or at night, but literally ALL the time. It makes you become inseparable from God, through the Holy Spirit, and makes you walk the walk ALL day long. That’s a big thing.
But you’ll get there!! You are showing much fruit, Anne. Love to you and your husband.
(USA) " 32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
— Luke 6:32-36 (NIV
Hi Anne,
I receive a daily verse in my email, and believe it or not this was todays verse!! Very fitting I thought! Well, so your weekend wasn’t great, but it doesn’t sound awful to me. It sounds great that your husband is at least opening up to you and telling you his inner thoughts! The fact that he didn’t want to break your heart is very good, at least it shows that he cares still about you and your feelings. And him making the suggestion for next month! Wow! That speaks future to me, so at least it sounds like he is planning on being around longer!
During the beginning of our problems I always had an overwhelming fear that every time my husband walked out the door maybe he would decide not to come back. So to this day whenever my husband speaks of future things for us, it always makes me feel good! Sounds like a great start to me! From the beginning, someone told me that I should not change the way I act because of him, if I love him I should continue to show him and tell him just as I would any other day. So thats what I do.
Even though he is unresponsive, I hug him when I can and tell him that I love him and most evenings I kiss him on the forehead and hug him before going to bed. I don’t want to sound like I become a doormat but I definitely have begun catering to him differently than before without going overboard. Whenever he wants to have a conversation now, I stop what I am doing and truly listen to him and engage in the conversation.
I began showing interest in some of his activities, and now they are things we do together. Whenever he comes home at the end of the day I let him sit and unwind for a bit and I might even ask if he would like something to drink! Another thing that I did a lot and still do is if you have cell phones I would text him once a day or so just letting him know that I was thinking of him and I loved him very much.
I liked this method because I was able to tell him but at the same time I wasn’t face to face so it didn’t hurt to not hear it back! I also like to keep my appearance up as much as possible, I do it for him but it makes me feel good about myself too! I like to think of all these things as just planting little seeds and one day I will reap a harvest because of them! As much as I know that I am not to blame for him having an affair, looking back I can see a lot of things that I just slowly let go of that you should always continue to do in a relationship.
LT is absolutely right about your anger issue. Instead of opening your mouth with harsh words, instantly say a prayer instead. Just the other night, my husband apparently had a bad day and said some hurtful words, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and instead of saying anything in return I prayed to God. I immediately felt better and instead of saying anything at all, I left the room and did other stuff I needed to do. The confrontation was avoided and the next conversation we had was initiated by him and it was much more pleasant. Anyways, I know you didn’t ask for all of these ideas I have thrown out there, but they have worked wonders for me, so I thought maybe they might help you as well! Talk to you soon!
(CANADA) Hey Gals, hope you’re all doing well. I’m doing ok. LT thanks a lot for your advice. I needed that. I’ll pray about it — which i did. I just want to forgive her too and free myself from the bitterness. I’ll try and find a way to let him know how I feel without being spiteful but not before I pray.
Amber, ok I may have not asked for all those ideas but that’s exactly what I needed coz I was just praying for God to show me how I can show my husband that I love him and respect him. Yesterday, we went for a car show (my suggestion) which I’ve never done coz to me a car is a car is a car…. but my hubby loves the details, which I don’t get, but we went as a group. There were times we weren’t together, but when we were, I just tried to say the car was nice or not.
I’m really trying to do some of the things he likes which I never tried much. I can tell that he doesn’t want to hang out with me alone but in a group, but it’s ok. I have to take and appreciate what I have. I know I won’t get anything in return. The text message idea is great. I have thought of the hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek, but when he comes home I don’t do it. But to see someone else doing it, it’s encouraging a lot. I do want to show him the love that I have for him. I just never know how to begin, so these were good ideas.
I’m also doing my best to look nice. I go to the gym 3 times a week, which I feel great about myself at the end. Like you Amber, I know I’m not to blame for the affair, But I have also seen how I neglected him and myself. I know he notices these things. He just doesn’t say anything, but at the end of the day, I know that my reward will come from God and not my husband, and He will bless me by giving me my husband back.
We have an appointment with our pastor tomorrow again and we’ll see how it goes. I guess I just get tired of us being in the same same place and we don’t talk about us, only when we’re with the pastor. Thanks a lot ladies. I love you all and I will do the things you suggested. God Bless you all.
(CANADA) Hey gals, I need some prayers. I’m feeling so low and down today. Yesterday my sis told me that my dad isn’t treating my mum well. They’ve had a marriage that everyone dreads — from physical abuse, emotional, and verbal abuse. The physical, not anymore. My mum doesn’t believe in divorce so she has stuck through it all. She’s a strong Christian and that’s what has saved her. I think she’s tired after 45 years but she still believes God will change him.
I felt so bad and so angry, I was just crying. She doesn’t know about my problems because she gets so sick. Her Blood Pressure goes up. Her sugar goes up, and with her problems….. I’ve thought about all she’s gone through and I wonder how she did it. With prayer, I know. But my dad has mistreated her so much, I’m just angry for her. Of course I thought, “Would I have what it takes to go through anything with so much faith?”
Anyway, I talked to my hubby, and of course men give solutions. He said we should talk to our dad. Great advice, I know! And he’s told me that before. We’ve just never done it. I’ve never been one to open up with my family. We were people who just hid what went on behind closed doors. And for me being the last born, I was protected from a lot of stuff. I’ll talk to my sisters and do something. The thing is, last night I just wanted him to comfort me and just hold me while I cry my heart out, which i told him. Long story short, to him, holding me won’t solve anything. I know…. that’s a man’s way of thinking. And he said that it’s all about me and what I wanted. That hurt. So i just lost it, and tried to explain, but by then he just looked at me and left the room.
I cried a lot coz I felt alone, sad for myself, and for my mum. I understand what he was saying. But all I needed was comfort. I cried to God to help. It’s sad that satan knows how to target someone when they are weak, coz I became so angry and I just thought,”Ii will not let my hubby treat me this way anymore!” I wondered, “Will I have a happy marriage ever?” Boy, that’s when the enemy really struck coz I was so down and felt defeated.
I did pray. But my mind was so congested, I couldn’t feel Him. I was so exhausted from the battle of trying to pray and satan trying to make me fall. All I said was, “God help me.” And I just passed out into a disturbed sleep. Since morning I’ve been low. But I’ve asked God to be my comfort. I need you to pray for my mum and dad, and for me to GET UP, coz I just wanna crawl into bed and stay there. I need God’s guidance. I love you all and thanks a lot.
(USA) Way to go Anne!! Your mindset and spirituality are on the right track, I am very happy for you!! You may not have asked me for those ideas but you did ask God and see how he answered you? Amazing!! Honestly, just this past weekend was the first time my husband and I went on our first alone date. It took him this long to be up for it.
When I first realized he would be comfortable with doing things in groups, I tried to plan as many group things as possible. We have a few couples that we hang out with and I would often call one of them and see what they were doing for the weekend and suggest we get together for a cookout or go to dinner, etc. Then that evening I would tell my husband that our friends were wanting to get together with us. It always seemed that if it were my idea he didn’t want to have anything to do with it. But if someone else was asking us, then he would go. I just tried to create as many opportunities as possible and it really was good for us to be with other couples.
Going through this really does make you appreciate what you have. Every night my husband comes home from work, I thank God that he is even there, because even though neither of us ever moved out, there were nights in the beginning that he would not come home until after I was in bed because he didn’t want to have to see me or talk to me!! The Lord really makes us stronger through tough times and I praise him daily for his constant work in our marriage.
Did you get a chance to listen to my favorite song "Praise You In This Storm" by the Casting Crowns? It really pulled me through my darkest hours!! You keep going, and don’t give up! I’m really proud of your effort and strength!!
I feel I have found a friend in you, with a deep mutual bond, and I want to continue hearing of your progress as well as any setbacks!!! I’m praying for you!!