I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) I am writing b/c my husband and I have children together and he has struggled with alcohol addiction and bipolar for several years. It has been back and forth and we just split about a week ago and he went to another state to his moms house and we have not heard from him. He left us in a financial hardship. My ex came to visit my older kids and pay tuition, my husband became upset and out of control about this and started drinking excessively. He is a mean drunk and can’t express himself unless he is under the influence.
He started the argument and I blew him off b/c he was drinking. The argument escalated and he went to his friends house, but I was so stressed out about kids school, uniforms, and moving that I became so angry because I really needed him to to stand by me and he acted like a coward. I said horrible things to him and he me and 3 days later he moved to another state.
I love my husband, but I have become resentful b/c I have been the bread winner and I have had enough. But my husband is a good man when he is not drinking. He is loving to me and his children, but I am torn between divorce and prayer. I pray for him, but does God want us to stay married? He will not provide for us and has left us in a hardship, but I believed that God can do all things and work miracles. I want my marriage restored but I think that if I don’t set boundaries, things will get worse. I love Jesus and I know that he loves me, but I am tired of the pain and feelings of failure.
(USA) Sometimes God allows storms to rage to allow the mountains in our life to shape our character and faith. I don’t know why God waited to deliver your husband from drinking BUT I am convinced that your husband being delivered, is only the beginning of your testimony. You see God wants to do something great in the lives of you and your family and all those prayers will come and are coming to pass. Your children will lead happy and whole lives and so will you and you will do it in -spite of all the enemy has tried to bring against you.
When the 3 Hebrew boys were in the fiery furnace the Bible says that not even their clothes smelled of smoke. God didn’t bring you through that to allow defeat in any area of you or your children’s lives. God also said in His word in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
God is going to use you and your family to be a testimony and witness to others in so many ways. Your family has proven that prayer changes things, that families that pray together stay together, that the effectual prayers of the righteous availeth much. Don’t be surprised when you begin to meet others who are headed into the storm you just came out of. The Bible says that God won’t put more on us than we can bear, you and your children are stronger for this. Expect God to bring you out. Expect God to heal you. Expect your children to rise above their hurt.
My sister I feel that God is greatly going to use you and your family. You will have an “in-spite of” praise and testimony. God will heal you in-spite of, you will be whole in-spite of, you will be healed in-spite. And just like the Hebrew boys God will get the glory because you won’t look like or even appear as though you have been through the fiery furnace. Be Blessed. This is just the beginning.
Daniel 3:26-28, “Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, ‘Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!’ So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them. Then Nebuchadnezzar said, ‘Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.”
(USA) I am in a situation right now that I am dealing with. To start off I’ve been married for 13 years and we have had some bad situations; for one my husband works a very hard long hour job and is wore out and can be verbally abusive saying stuff like that I don’t do anything for him and also my family growing up wasn’t wealthy at all but we did have love. He makes it clear I don’t have anything and haven’t had anything and won’t ever have anything, and so on. So you understand it’s been something all the time; calling me “chunk” or telling me that I make him miserable. So enough about my pity walk.
I fell into one of the devil’s schemes. This one man at work said that I needed to know how beautiful I was and he was uplifting the spirits until he was coming onto me and I fell for it. At first I was swept off my feet because I was craving attention to be told. I wasn’t stupid and all that mess but I realized that was only the devil trying to mess up my marriage. So I confessed it to my husband because I was convicted by God. He ended up telling me he fell into same situation but only it was over the cell phone he was getting negative attention.
Well, to tell my story he has never quit abusing me mentally and I realized that no one would help me except for the Lord!! I want my marriage to work but I feel like I am drowning; I feel like throwing the towel in. He has stated God might forgive and trust you but I don’t and won’t ever. I want to build a life with God being our center priority and sharing everything with him but sometimes it wears me out. People are always saying “you’re stupid for staying with him. He is an abusive man no one deserves to be put down and controlled 24-7.”
But to a degree I understand because I know he has lost trust for me. He stated that I don’t deserve anything good not even his love. He hasn’t told me for at least a year and he keeps holding a grudge against me. Finally I told him we needed to correct the situation because I didn’t want our two children to grow up seeing hatred. He agrees and is a wonderful dad to them. I give him props; he is a great dad, although sometimes a little aggressive when its not called for.
So here lately I want to pray for him because he shared that he knew of Jesus but he claims he is not right with him. I have been trying to get as close with the Lord like a baby needing its formula. I have been absorbing as much knowledge and sharing it with the loss. My husband makes it out that he doesn’t want to hear my voice I know I need to shut up and just pray. But I become so angry and then I try to change my attitude to not do that but its like a rage in my soul. I know and understand that is what satan wants me to do. I have been trying to lead by direction but every night if he talks to me at all its about the past situation that he is not forgiving.
I finally told him I have been forgiven and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because It doesn’t do anything for us. He claims it helps him to learn the truth stating that he thinks I am still doing bad things. But I don’t want to; I know better now because I have accepted the Lord to live and be the center of my life. When I was depending on self and I know where that I got me – no where.
I feel the Holy Spirit all the time and I wished everyone had that but I was at broken stages and God gives me peace that he is my friend – my everything!!! I just want to help my husband but he can still be very hateful towards me to were I want to pinch his head off. But I am suppose to pray for this human that causes me so much heartache and pain that I have never experienced. So I ask for your prayers and most of all I hope you have a personal relationship with the Lord if you don’t I have said a prayer for you:)
(USA) I came across this site while riding in the car with my husband. I’ve been apart from the Lord for some time but recently recommited my life to him. My husband has a lot of anger in his heart towards my family for many things I can’t get into. We argue a lot about it and it has taken a toll on our marriage.
Sometimes I feel like it’s not worth fighting for, I know there is nothing impossible for God. I need to learn how to let go and let God. Since reading all the comments I’ve realized I must pray for his heart. And for change even if I can’t see it, I have to believe God is in control. I love my husband and don’t want my marriage to end. Please pray for me and him…
(KENYA) Hi everyone. I am very inspired with this site and all the comments from other wives. I have just been married for about 7 months and this counsel guides me to be a better wife. Stay blessed.
(PHILIPPINES) I praise and thank you Lord! I’ve come across of this site while seeking questions in Google about what to do with my husband who continues his infidelity despite the fact that he knows I’m aware of what he has been doing. I don’t want to end our relationship and I keep on praying for him and the other woman to end their 6 yr relationship. I’ve accepted the situation and am letting God do his plans without me interrupting His Divine Will.
I’ve recognized my shortcomings as a wife when I stopped working and let him struggle all alone with our life. I’ve been suffering from my depression when I can no longer get my bank career due to bad credit status. Our finances are drained because of several mismanaged business. My husband and I aim for a better and a very comfortable life for our family but ended up distressed. It started out crippling my self-worth. I couldn’t accept the fact before that anyone in my place would aspire to have a very competitive job credential, so proud and confident that I could get any job I wanted, even the Vice President’s position of any bank.
But here I’m a plain housewife, but happy and contented with my life with the Lord. My husband was so proud of me then. He lost his love and confidence of me. He has a job yes, but his dependence and expectations on me for us to pursue our dreams for our family crumbled. Our eldest 19 year old only daughter died of cancer last 11-14-2006 and it added life difficulties- emotionally and financially. As a mother, I prayed hard to surrender my daughter to the Lord because I couldn’t bear to see her in pain, in her death bed, all skin and bones and bald due to chemotherapy side effects.
It is my husband that was so affected but in the hands of the Lord, he was able to cope and accept His plans. Prayers have been my depression medicine to overcome the pain and sorrows of our life. But our trials in life did not get my husband to trust God completely. This is when he started looking for a different recourse to forget the pain. He didn’t depend on me for emotional support but instead he found somebody else. It started out to be an emotional affair until now he can’t get out of the illicit relationship with this brokenhearted woman- married to an alcoholic bum with 2 sons she supports all alone. They both ended up sharing their predicaments in life having me and the woman’s husband as their topics of despair.
Now they seem to be at ease and comfortable with each other. My husband doesn’t even bother the pain he has brought me for continuously doing what he thinks is happy and good for him. I continued to be a martyr wife but I have the right to be happy because I know and feel God loves me for understanding His plans. I’m here waiting patiently for His Divine Intervention and I’ve seen day by day He’s working wonders.
Just recently, my husband’s boss, who happens to be also head over heels obsessed with my husband, discovered his affairs one evening, calling me to reveal to me his whereabouts. She wondered how come he has always been coming home early from the office, but found out by asking me what time he usually arrives home. I told her very late nightly. It hurt me so much because I’ve been cheating myself being blind and deaf that my husband has already changed but all this time he has not and the worst thing is we are always praying daily and he’s visiting the church daily for his personal prayers and even using the name of the Lord in vain to cover up his lies.
My sisters in Christ, I wasn’t depressed so much because my daughter died or due to financial problems or due to losing my self-worth. I bear the pain, no matter how difficult it is, but I can’t endure the pain on my husband’s betrayal. He even verbally abused me, saying that I’m a handicap because I don’t have the means to support him to help him improve our lives. He is not contented with our life, knowing we eat well and sleep comfortably, and that our finances now are enough.
But praise be the Lord I’m still here given the chance to Praise and Love God more and more everyday because of what had happened to me and my family and what is yet to happen. All I feel and know now very clear everything is in His Divine Plans. The devil has been devouring my thoughts of insecurities and negativity. The Lord has brought me so much and He has been changing me as a person everyday. Before I was proud, stubborn, demanding, self-centered and selfish. Now I can see myself very differently. I’m humble, patient, kindhearted, loving and caring. And I do good things by heart to those who do hurtful things to you (Romans 12:21).
I get my strength and perseverance to know God more by reading the Bible daily and my one on one close conversation with the Lord every 9 pm til 11 pm. In everything I do, I talk to Him as my companion everywhere. Please include me and my family, especially my husband, in you ministry prayers that I may patiently stick to His Divine Plans.
I’m working on my upcoming business which is bed space occupancy. I’m still saving money for certain repairs for the extension house I have here that will be used for the bed space business. From the earnings of the business, I will be returning the 10% to Him as my tithes. The room can accommodate 8 double deck beds with 16 occupants. P2,000/month for each bed spacers. I think this is where I could start my life back keeping busy and occupying an idle mind. I cook well too. I can even cook the meals of the occupants for additional income. Thanks you for letting me share my testimony. May the Lord be with all of us always.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi Arleen, I really don’t know what to say. It looks like your husband does not love you anymore. It is my first time on this web site. I am so happy and so comforted to find women of prayer encouraging one another. If I were you Arlene, I would consider leaving him. Even the Bible says a man does not commit adultery if he divorces his wife on the grounds of adultery. Your husband is commiting adultery isn’t he? Anyway, I am not judging him. Only God will judge.
My story is, I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man. Now his family will do anything in their power to separate us. Recently, his niece’s best friend facebooked me to tell me that she has been having an affair with him for a few months and he broke her heart and she wanted to confess to me. It really broke my heart I became so dumbfounded and shocked.
But my fiance is so lukewarm, he doesn’t seem to be knowing anything about her and he does not care. All he says to me is that he wants to concentrate on building his life with me and growing up together with me. I so wished that he could confront her at least and tell her in front of me that he does not know anything about her. But he tells me the best way to deal with this situation is to not entertain her. So our life is going on as normal and he is even taking me on a vacation before we can get married.
For now, I am just praying earnestly to God to drive away this woman to a far away land cause I told her that she’d better stay away from my fiancé. She said: “I won’t stop, why should I?” I discerned an incorrect spirit immediately. And when I went to God I said: “Father, what about your wrath?” Cause I am so torn apart. I am focusing on my life and someone just comes from no where to kill to steal and to destroy?
(NIGERIA) Thank you for your faith… You are so beautiful. God will make you forget the past… I am blessed.
(USA) Please, my husband left and I am in prayer. He left me a year ago. He’s a deacon in the church, and a very good man. He got a job after we were married and it leaves him tired and with no more time for church or me. God knows I am trying to hold on, because I know that’s the will of God concerning our life. Sometimes I get so tired seeing him come to the same church I attend, hearing the truth of God’s word, and still tells me after six years of marriage, he doesn’t want it anymore. The devil is a liar. I am believing God for his return home. In Jesus name, help me pray for him please.
You and your husband are in our prayers. May He make Himself real to your husband and draw him to Himself. I pray the best for you.
(KENYA) I have been in an off and on relationship with my husband for almost 8 years now but since October 2011 we have been together. He lives in a different town far from where I live with our 5 year old daughter. The reason for breakages in marriage have been because of his abusive nature of beating me up should we have an argument. I had accepted him fully until last week when I found some messages on his phone from a lady whom I called and accepted that they were having an affair, though my husband had informed her that we were separted while we were together by that time.
Just yesterday I created a facebook account and sent a request that he accepted and we started chatting, not knowing I was the one. He had promised me of coming over this weekend as we were supposed to shift houses. In that discussion upon asking him if he will cancel his plans with the wife who happens to be the same me, he said not all that is planned can go accordingly. He talked of having no regrets should our marriage fall apart. What he was afraid of was losing his little daughter.
I cried after all these and felt I had known some truth about what he thinks about our relationship. He further invited the lady to visit him and that cash is nothing. What is important was the will. He went ahead and talked of me trusting him that I can’t think of him cheating on me. He also shared pornographic links on facebook while his profile can be accessible by every friend, including people who know that we are married.
I’m so confused and ask for assistance from anybody who is a believer because I feel like i’m wearing out. I need prayers because I’m too weak to take this on.
(USA) No one ever told me that marriage required so much sacrifice. I am learning when to speak and when to let God speak. The Holy Spirit convicts hearts better than any talking, silent treatment, or arguing can do. I become very frustrated with my husband and have felt for a long time that he does not put effort into being a better husband or father. But God continues to amaze me when I close my mouth and let Him do what He does best.
I pray for all us wives that we realize God is our Husbandman, Father, Provider, Wise Counselor, and Friend. Even if our relationship with our husbands are not like this, we can always bring everything to God. God Bless, all…
(SOUTH AFRICA) Oh Candace, I thank God that I discovered that too. Most times I don’t have the energy to argue with the man in my life. It’s true that once we keep quiet and speak with God He gives us perspective and then when we do speak with our husbands it’s always with respect coz God is in the tips of our tongues.
(KENYA) I am just inspired by your messages. Please pray for me. I am married and the mother of one. I want my marriage to be stable than it is.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Oh thank God for this wonderful site. I, as a woman and some of my friends, have suffered some disappointments, hurt, and betrayal. You name it, we’ve gone thru it. We’ve prayed together for strength and wisdom. We’ve stood by each other. But this was like it’s talking to all of us. As I read I quickly shared it with my sisters in Christ, that we should be praying for our husbands, no matter how much they have hurt us. Oh, I really don’t know what to say but just that my energy to pray has been restored.
Nana, You have touched our hearts and energized us all the more as you share that your “energy to pray has been restored.” How we thank God that we are able to participate with Him in this way. All praise to Him and thankfulness to you and your sisters that you have shared this with us and that you are committing yourselves to prayer and being supportive, though your husbands have hurt you in so many ways. May God bless you as you persevere and learn all you can to be the wives God has ordained that you become.
(USA) I too have prayed for over 30 years. I need your prayers.
(USA) I, too am a Debbie, and I too have been praying… nearly 35 years. I will commit to pray for YOU! Don’t lose hope. I was on the verge today, till I found this page. God wants their restoration more than we do! It’s hard, so hard… but God STILL works miracles in our lives. Hold on, sister…
(INDIA) I’ve been married to my husband for the last 4 months. Initially, my husband was a bit caring and loving. But with the passing of time of just 4 months my husband is unloving, uncaring and is not understanding me and my feelings. We used to make love quite often, but for the last two months he says that he is not interested in making love with me anymore.
If I come up with the feeling of making love he gets angry and doesn’t even try to understand my feelings. He always maintains a distance, he won’t touch/hug/make love to me. He doesn’t even like if I touch him anytime. Please help with with some prayers that will help me to kill the rude, arrogant, unloving, uncaring behaviour of my husband towards me. I cry every nite, praying to Jesus that things will change. I positively hope that things would change soon with his blessings. Please I need your kind prayers to change my husband’s attitude becoz I miss his love and care for me :(
(UAE) Dear Sister, Don’t be discouraged. This is what satan is trying to do. Believe in God, He is able to do mightier things.
I am also going thru the same situation. But I believe God is working. He is always hearing our prayer when we pray in faith. I know how it is being neglected by your husband, whom we love. Just thank God and keep on praising him. I’m from India too, but I’m working here in UAE. God bless you, Leera