I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you.
But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
Honest with God
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
Power of Praying Wife
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
A Challenge
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, as it says in the Bible. That’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Pray Rather Than Say
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife
— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —
Below are linked articles to read to guide you to pray for your husband in different ways than you might have otherwise thought:
• 10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)
• 30 Days of Praying for Your Husband
Filed under: For Married Women Spiritual Matters
(USA) I found this book in 2005. I know the chapters by heart almost. I have been praying for my husband for a while. My husband of 15 years left my daughters and me. We have relocated from MI to FL because of his job in Sept 2011. He decided on Wed that he wanted to leave us and be with a women he has been with for the last 3 years. I am pissed off, because he told me he was done with her.
We went to therapy for 9 months, and he just up and leaves us in a state where we have no one. He has been gone for almost a week and has not called to check on me or our daughters. The pain and sadness I feel at times is over whelming. I pray a lot. I hug my girls a lot. They are confused and angry. I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old, and they knew we had problems but they did not think he would leave. The fact that he has not called me is what hurt the most. I am heart broken, angry and I feel rejected and alone!
Any advice about how to move on and what to tell my daughters? I pray that GOD just give me strength to move on and make me better, not bitter.
(NIGERIA) I read your book while I was still single. I wed a few months ago. Now that am married, I remember that praying for my husband is my primary assignment. I am so glad to be part of this because it will help me learn a lot from women of God who have more experience than me.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I hope God will guide me through my marriage as it is falling apart.
(USA) Georgann, I’m Sheryl and I have gone thru hard, hard times with my husband of 30 years and putting God first ..if you are still online, I would love to talk to you. ox
(USA) Wow. I have been divorced from My Husband for 8 months. We have been seeing each other again since March. We still have trouble communicating and change comes slowly. But I KNOW that I KNOW we belong together. 15 years is not a washout. He has his habits I have mine. I have been praying daily and nightly and in between. I know God is working on his time. It’s a little frustrating when we don’t get IT NOW But I can see small changes daily. Please say a prayer of restoration for me so that I will NOT FAULTER in my belief in God’s Power.” Be Blessed, Laurie!
(UGANDA) Praise the LORD, I am a husband of three years. After reading this article I realized that maybe some where along the way I must have hurt my wife after confessing that her friend looked attractive in my eyes, though I managed to fight it and conquered the fantasy with success. I did not realize that confessing would hurt her.
However, two weeks ago we visited her aunt in the neighborhood with her brother who had just returned from Quatar. We then met with her cousin who had just returned from the USA for good after becoming a total failure and alcoholic who broke many girls hearts in the US, promising them marriage and not fulfilling his promises. We chatted till late in the night about USA and many other things. She then traveled for two weeks with her brother who had returned from Quatar to visit her farther.
The next day early in the morning of which I was also skeptical about but nevertheless, two nights ago after her return from visiting her dad, while having a bedroom late night chat after getting intimate she out of the blue tells me that her cousin from the USA was supposed to marry her and that in her culture it was ok and allowed. I told her in mine it wasn’t and that it was incest. She should rethink her statement. She then said it was a joke so I took it lightly. But yesterday as I was driving home after work it crossed my mind and I just could not stop thinking about it. Why would somebody play around with what the LORD has given you?
I came to understand that she was confessing her feelings for her cousin indirectly. That meant that the husband the LORD had given her (me) is not what she wanted but the other cousin whom the LORD is preparing for another marriage is whom she wants, making me feel that I am not the only man in her life and that I have to compete with her cousin for affection and love. I tried to pray about it last night when I got home but just couldn’t make a prayer since I am reading the Power of a Praying Husband. I ended up opening the Bible and reading the book of 1 Kings.
Trying to understand the story in the Bible, I couldn’t look her straight in the eye with or without a smile. I have always stopped her from going to spend the night at her aunties home because I had a feeling something was not right and now I believe I was right. As recovering alcoholic I was to believe that the more you distance yourself from the programme the closer you get back to the bottle. So I also have to believe that the more you distance yourself from your spouse, especially a young, as we are, the closer you get to somebody else and fall into temptation which I confess that I have encountered, but kept away.
(SPAIN) My husband and I just got married for 1 yr. We are Christians and after 4 months of being married I got pregnant. We decided to travel to another country due to the way things are for us. He had no job. I too just stopped working so we decided to relocate so we can be helped but unfortunatly it didn’t work out and we find ourselves in Belgium. But the situation there was not so pleasant as well, so I told my husband we should return back to Spain where we lived. But he disagreed. He said he was going to find a job there that there was better.
Then I returned myself, because I had to go for a medical checkup and not only that I can still do something that will help me with a little money. My husband decided to stay there to look for a job. Before long he changed even while I was still with the pregnancy. I left him when I was 6 months pregnant and now my baby is 6 months. I have not seen my husband. He told me on phone suddenly when my baby was 2 weeks old that it is over between us and he will not allow me to go and see him because he is living with another woman there. He stopped calling me and he doesn’t answer when I call him.
I have been so depressed but I always encourage myself because of my baby but I still feel it’s so strange because despite all the difficult times we have had a lot of good times. He started using all kinds of abusive words on me and doesn’t even want to talk to me just like that. I love him and I have been praying for him but sometimes I want to quit. But I can’t because we got married in the presence of God.
What should I do? He said I offended him but he never tells me what I did wrong. I’ve apologize to him but he is still not comunicating with me. He said he is only concerned about the child. Our marriage is 1 year and 10 months but we’ve only been together 1 year. But before we got married we were together for 2 years and half. Please help me. I think it is not normal –that there is something behind it. I am praying to God to help my husband and deliver him. I have been faithful to him.
(ZW) Hi Victory, Firstly remember that the devil fights the institution of marriage with all his might especially if both of you know and believe in God, maybe even more than anything else. I believe it’s because Christians parents try and raise Christian children, which is what God wants but the devil does not.
So let’s see the power of a “prayer warrior wife.” Go on your knees and pray without seizing as the Word of God says. Reclaim your marriage from the clasp of the devil and ask the Almighty God who changed murderous Saul into the great apostle Paul to work even greater miracles within your husband in Jesus Christ’s powerful name. For me, I fought this battle right at the beginnning because my in-laws, which I used to get along with, made an about turn days before the marriage ceremony and vehemently opposed the union. (Now we are fine.) Believe me, if it was not for prayer I would not be married to my husband now.
Interestingly, we seem to have gotten married almost at the same time and our kids seem to be almost the same age. My son is also 6 months old :-).
Now I try not to let a day go by without asking that God protect my marriage in the same way he did Jacob with that host of Holy angels as he returned to his land. I believe He is a faithful God and He can restore your marriage. Just say, God I will not let go till you restore my marriage, in Jesus name.
Just remember when hubby comes back don’t throw his mistakes in his face. As you pray for his return pray for a forgiving heart too. You know sometimes I hesitate on the Lord’s prayer, the part that says “Forgive us our tresspasses as we forgives those that trespass against us”. Problem is sometimes I forgive but later seem to remember so I struggle because I don’t want God forgiving me AS I forgive others. It’s not the best kind of forgiveness I know. I’m also praying for a Godly forgiving heart. I’m a better forgiver but am still being refined.
Your name speaks Victory. Hey, let it be a prophecy of victory in all things in your life. I will also pray with you. Much love
(SPAIN) Thanks so much Fa, I am really encouraged by your words. I was just about to let go because of the way things have been so far. Anytime I speak with him I feel so sad because of the way he will reply to me, plus he is always lying. This issue is really disturbing me so much that sometimes I get distracted and the family is not doing anything about it. But I think it is prayer as you said, because the family was not happy about the marriage at first, so now they feel unconcerned. I will keep praying for him because I know God is greater than any forces that may be behind it. And I want you to also join me in prayer. God bless you, thanks.
(USA) Love this website!
(UNITED STATES) I have been with the same guy for 15 years. He wanted to get married about two years ago. At this time I didn’t want to get married because he was verbally and emotional abusive. I thought maybe after marriage he would change. After a year of marriage he got worse. He started drinking whiskey every night, which made him mean.
I guess things from his past started bothering him more he is so emotionally distant. He doesn’t want to be home. He even he has custody of his grandson. He has put the child on me for 6 years and never paid attention to him. He is a diabetic and has some form of cancer. He is easily irritated and stresses all the time about his automotive shop. He is a workaholic. Please pray for our family. We are seperated now and I see no way on working this out.
(NIGERIA) My husband gets angry easily on any little things. His anger spoils over a lot. What can I do? We are both believers.
(FRANCE) I too need prayer for my husband…we were on good terms but he went for a project and got attracted to his friend’s wife who used to use all guys for happiness sake. She would invite them home telling a lie. One fine day my husband also went there when her husband was not available, he got emotional and spoke about me to her and she also came closer to him; he did not tell me the whole thing GOD. I feel so alone GOD, please make my husband feel and say the truth. Because you know everything GOD. Please help me GOD.
(USA) I just came up on this website and thank God I did. I love the prayer request and the encouragement from sisters. I have been battling drugs with my husband for sometime now. I almost feel like giving up but something keeps me from leaving my marriage of 26 yrs. I also battled with my daughter’s lesbian relationship. It has been hard but God is still in control. So, I need prayer to stay strong and not give up me husband on crack cocaine and alcohol and my daughter’s lesbian realtionship. I will pray for others to. God Bless You
(KENYA) Hi Georgina, First God loves you so much. Trust in the Lord always. Pray for your husband. Tell God to take away all the anxiety in you. When you read the Bible, it teaches you so many things. The Holy Spirit of God takes control. He starts teaching you and helping you in the areas where you feel they are a burden to you. Stop lying to your husband and tell him the truth. Talk to him even if doesn’t want to listen but pray first so that God can help you. You will see how God will make him listen to you and bring peace and love in your family. Pray to God that he fills your husband with peace and love in your heart. God bless you.
(USA) My husband and I got a divorce about three months ago. Nothing in my heart wanted a divorce, but I felt as if our relationship had gone so far down in the dumps that we had no other choice. I miss him desperately. I have been praying and also one of my friends bought me the book The Power of A Praying Wife. This book was great. I just wish that I had gotten it before my husband and I divorced. But I have faith that nothing is to big for our Father Jesus Christ. I am continuing praying for us to reconcile and eventually get back together through Jesus Christ.
(PHILIPPINES) Don’t give up on your husband God can move mountains!!
(PHILIPPINES) I have cheated on my husband with a foreign client in our office last June. It ended by July because he went back to Canada. I thought I could let go of my husbqnd after what I did. Guilt has eaten me up to the point that I was convicted to make it right with him and work on our marriage. He now has a new girlfriend and said he can never love me again. I asked God to forgive me for my rebellion against my husband.